Original subtitles

THE FINAL JUDGMENT OF BEAVIS

You are under arrest for violation

of penal code 7538 dash 7.

- He said "penal". - "Iron Justice" is cool.

I want to do that.

I can't do this all day, dillweed.

Here I come.

Come.

Beavis, you wuss.

You hardly made a dent.

Beavis?

Whoa! Is this, like, David Bowie?

No way.

I mean, this guy's a puss! But it's a different puss.

This dude is andropynous.

You said "penis".

I met a man.

He was a good man.

I met a good man...

Quit pointing that stick at me!

He's just trying to show off.

Who are these guys?

Where's the fat guy?

I don't know.

- This is pretty cool. - Yeah. They rock! They rock!

If I had my driver's license,

I'd like, run over some light bulbs.

Hey Butt-Head, you know what we should do, like, in the meantime?

We should go get some light bulbs and stuff, and stomp on 'em!

That's a good idea, Beavis!

Yeah. Thanks.

Beavis, you wuss.

Get up, dillweed!

Don't make me kick your ass, Beavis.

I'm kicking your ass, Beavis.

This is cool.

Look at me, Beavis, I'm kicking your ass.

Kicking your ass.

This music sucks.

This sucks.

Well, we better bury you, Beavis. You're already starting to stink.

Whoa. What is this?

Welcome to heaven, Beavis.

Are you, like, Santa Claus?

I am St. Peter.

So, like, in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want?

- No. - That sucks.

Do I get X-ray vision? Do I get some nachos?

No.

Are you sure this is heaven?

This is your life, Beavis.

This book contains everything you've ever done throughout your entire life,

no matter how insignificant.

Really?

You mean, like, every time I ever took a dump, it's in that book?

Yes.

How about that time I peed in the gym?

- Yes. - Cool.

Hey, get away from there.

Beavis is not dog food.

He's worm food.

And then when you were four, you mutilated an action figure

in a most disturbing manner.

Oh, yeah. That was cool.

No, that sucked. When you were five, you and your friend Butt-Head

passed out chocolate laxatives in your kindergarten class.

- That was really cool. - No, Beavis...

- That also sucked. - What do you know, ass-wipe.

I know everything, buttmunch.

- Check it out Butt-Head, it's the Noid. - Cool!

The Noid is cool.

Avoid the Noid! Avoid the Noid! I like to say that.

- Wait a minute. - Avoid the Noid!

That's not the Noid. That's Satan.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Check it out, Beavis.

It's like, this guy's a pretty good singer.

It's like, he can't write songs but he sure can sing.

This video is cool because it's like, doing something that they haven't done before.

What do you mean? Like, like, um� playing one of those uvulas?

Yeah.

It's like, they never played a uvula under a table before.

Check it out, Butt-Head, turds!

Did you see that? Turds! Turds! Turds!

Where?

You know, if I was Satan, I would like, get a mountain bike.

Like a really cool, like, skateboard.

Then some chicks.

Yeah, that would be cool.

Oh, look at the turds again. It's turds!

Where?

Right there! He was riding around some turds, Butt-Head.

- Really? - They're right there on the ground!

He was, like, riding around some turds.

Satan always likes to have some turds close by.

Yeah, I mean, you know, he's Satan.

Ok, that's enough. Now get your ass back in the wall.

Yeah yeah, get in there!

And then on the third day of the fourth month of your twelfth year,

you touched yourself in an impure manner.

You saw that?

We see everything.

No way! I had the covers over me.

Worm food.

Come and get it, worms.

And then, later that afternoon,

you touched yourself in an impure manner again using a bottle of hand lotion--

Hey, this is starting to suck. Do I get into heaven or not?

No.

I guess I should, like, say something.

I am here today not to bury Beavis, but to...

Later, dude.

Wake up, buttwipe. We're gonna miss "Iron Justice".

I had this weird dream. I met this St. Peter dude.

St. Who?

Peter.

Peter.

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