Original subtitles

WATER SAFETY

Fall in, people.

Today I'm gonna teach you about basic water safety.

Is that clear?

Butt-Head, what is your problem?

I can't seem to take my eyes off this girl's butt, sir.

Well, I'm gonna take your eyes out of your sockets

and stick 'em up your butt if you don't pay attention.

Now, lesson one,

- the doggy paddle. - Doggy style?

Yeah. Doggy style.

Now, when you arrive at the point of exhaustion

you might utilize the body's natural tendency to float.

He's a "flatuer".

Yeah.

Butt-Head, do you find this amusing?

No.

No.

There's like, a bunch of water falling down.

Yeah, yeah, and some mud!

Yeah.

- A chick in the rain. - Yeah, yeah. And a dog.

- I guess that's pretty cool. - Yeah, yeah.

Water, water, WATER! WATER!

- That chick needs a raincoat. - Yeah.

Hey Beavis.

Do you like, uh... have a raincoat?

Yeah.

When was the last time you used it?

Last night! On your mom!

Dammit, Beavis!

Hey Butt-Head, you know how, like, when it rains

like, aftewards you go on the street

like, all the earth worms come out, step on 'em and they go:

Yeah.

Mud is cool!

Mud rules!

How come these guys are, like, playing out in the mud?

Well, it's either because they're really stupid or really cool.

Shut up, Beavis!

Thank you, miss Morgendorffer. Next! Butt-Head!

Please demonstrate your mastery of floating.

I said Butt-Head! Where are you, Butt-Head?

He's over there.

- Daaamn! - Beavis!

You will save your friend's life! NOW!

Okay.

Ah! It's too cold.

Miss Morgendorffer, please commandeer my clipboard and whistle.

This sucks!

Butt-Head, do you have an explanation

for your unspeakable behavior?

I was dead.

- Yeah. He looks dead. - Do your or do you not

have a reason for placing my life and accreditation at risk?

I can't swim.

Yeah. Me too.

And what about your patent disregard for Beavis?

Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion?

No.

- Yeah. No. - Listen up, people!

I am moving this class to the nurse's station immediatly!

It's obvious you people need to learn life saving techniques

as well as the code of the sea.

Ok, class.

Beavis and Butt-Head have volunteered

to serve as CPR dummies for our medical emergency lesson.

Oh, gross.

Their extremities have been incapacitated

to simulate the paralysis characteristic

to a pool trauma victim. Fall in, people!

That sucks!

Do I have a volunteer? Stevenson?

I can't do it!

That man fails! By now our victims would be braindead!

Cool.

- Yeah yeah, cool. - Kimberly, revive the trauma victims.

Uh, baby.

- Come to Butt-Head. - Yeah, and then come to me.

I don't think so. I have a doctor's note

excusing me from any emotionally destructive school activities.

- It's valid all the way through college. - Students, I'm extremely disappointed

by today's performance. Do you require that I

personally demonstrate the correct resuscitation technique?

- No. - Yeah.

No.

- No. - It's like Jaws the movie.

- No. - First, it is essential

to establish an air tight seal over the mouth

of the trauma victim.

- This sucks. - Which victim wishes to go first?

- No! - No!

Noooo!

Is he gonna vomit?

Yeah, VOMIT, VOMIT! VOMIT!

- Vomit, dammit! - Settle down, Beavis.

- When he was six weeks... - Buttcheeks?

WHERE, WHERE, WHERE? Buttcheeks?

They didn't show buttcheeks, dumbass, he just said "buttcheeks".

That's cool.

Mr. Blue Veins...

Mr. Blue Vein!

Yeah.

Hey Butt-Head. I have a blue vein.

Okay, Beavis.

Hey, Butt-Head...

Hey Butt-Head, check it out.

Come on, hey Butt-Head! Butt-Head! Check it out.

Put Mr. Blue Vein away, Beavis!

Don't bogart it, dude.

"Kills millions of germs on contract".

A marine can stand anything!

A marine can stand anything!

A marine can stand anything!

"Excuse me, son. You're busted for stealing shopping carts".

It's like: "My partner wants to send you to the juvy home

but if you, like, tell us who stole the shopping carts

I might, like, convince him to let you get off with, like, just an ass kicking".

Okay.

I don't want to look at some dude's hairy butt!

If they would, like, just show a chick's butt maybe it would be a buzz clip.

Yeah, yeah.

That's not how it goes, Beavis.

Dumbass.

Whoa, look at that! They almost showed that chick's butt!

Yeah.

But "close" only counts in horse shoes and, like... lemonade or something.

Sometimes they have showed horses butt.

What?

What?

I don't know.

- Wait a minute. What's going on here? - Yeah, yeah.

This looks like one of those "Obsession" commercials.

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