Original subtitles

RABIES SCARE

Nachos rule! They rule!

Whoa, check it out.

Stupid dog.

I heard that if you, like, don't act scared they won't attack you.

How do you do that?

Do you hear me?

"Do you hearrr me?"

Do you hear me?

- Do you care? - Do I care?

No.

I don't care. I like, just, don't care.

About anything.

Penguins!

I know it seems funny, but I just can't stand the pain.

That doesn't sound funny.

That chick's pretty hot.

They must have just did it, and now she's like fixing herself up.

After I do it I like to, you know, comb my hair

and like, flush the toilet and stuff.

You monkey-spank.

I'm easy like sunday morning.

What's so great about sunday morning?

Sunday morning sucks.

Afternoon is no picnic either.

You know, what really sucks is like, evening.

It's like the whole day sucks.

Every single day sucks.

Hey Butt-Head, I was just thinking about those pinguins.

Oh yeah? So?

I don't know, I was just thinking about it.

Do you want to touch his bone?

Yeah, touch it.

- Cool! - Can you foam at the mouth?

Check this out.

Decent! Is it contagious?

No, I disinsected it.

Sports drinks have nutrients.

Listen up, morons.

Some short-sighted federal appeals judge

says I can't use this on you, but remember this.

In this classroom, I am the judge, the jury and the jailer.

Does it hurt when I do this?

That was cool!

Do you gentlemen have a problem?

Do you wish to enlighten the class

as to what is festering on your leg, Beavis?

Dog bite.

Well, I thought you looked rabid, boy. Now listen close.

Get the hell out of my classroom

before you infect anyone else with your sickness! You stink of death!

Butt-Head, this man requires immediate medical attention!

Hospital, Butt-Head! On the double!

Can I help you?

He's got, like rabies or something.

I see.

What's your name?

Last name is Munch.

First name is Rodney.

Rod Munch.

Rod Munch.

Now, which one of you fellas is Rod Munch?

He is.

He's Rod.

So Rod, I understand you got bit by a dog.

Well, don't be scared.

'Cause look, a dog bit my thumb off once too, Rod.

- You're stupid! - Yeah.

Now Rod, I don't suppose you brought the animal with you.

He wasn't, like, very friendly.

Yeah. He doesn't like me.

Well, we'll have to find him anyway.

In a suspected case of rabies the animal has to be destroyed, of course.

And to check for presence of the disease, we cut off the head and dissect the brain.

Whoa! That's cool!

Actually, yes. It is kind of cool.

Come on, Butt-Head, let's go find that dog!

Not so fast, Rod. Let's talk about your symptoms first.

Any dizziness, nausea? Fever, any convulsions?

Yeah, yeah! No more than usual though.

So far, nothing checks out. Maybe you were lucky.

You mean, like, no decrapitation?

I got it! I got rabies!

Ok, I'll call the police about the dog.

- But first, we'd better start treatment. - Does he have to get a shot?

- No... - Cool!

You have to get eighteen of them, Rod.

- In the stomach. - Cool!

This sucks!

Is this a bakery?

That guy has a disease.

Yeah. He's got wussyitis.

Yeah. First it causes your hair to turn red,

then your butt falls off.

Hey Beavis.

Have you ever had an operation?

I had my tonsils removed once.

That means you were neutered, dude!

No way! Really?

Dude, that's what they do when they remove your testicles!

Cool!

I was thinking of having my mucous membranes removed.

That way, you like, never get a runny nose.

The mucous membranes are the part of your brain

that makes you, like, remember mucus.

So like, if you have 'em removed,

you'll just forget to blow your nose all the time.

That would be pretty cool!

Let's go get the pliers and remove our mucous membranes.

The good news about rabies is that treating it no longer means

a series of painful injections into the solar plexus.

New vaccines require only five simple shots in the arm.

Hey Beavis.

How come that stupid doctor didn't know that?

Maybe he doesn't watch TV.

Rod Munch huh?

Whoa, that's cool!

I can do that...

C'mon Butt-Head, you do it all the time.

C'mon Butt-Head, this isn't cool.

- "It's a pizza?" - That's not what he said, Butt-Head.

He said "pizza-pizza".

Oh yeah!

These guys are cool cause they're like, pissed off.

It's like they're cool cause they're like, pissed off.

Damnit Beavis, how come you always have to repeat what I say?

- Why do you do that? - Yeah... why do you that?

Beavis...

if you repeat what I say one more time I'm gonna kick your ass.

- I'm gonna kick your ass. - See? You did it again!

You did it again, Beavis!

I like bands that scream.

Screaming is cool.

Rock on, Beavis.

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