Original subtitles

MOST WANTED

Coming soon to a theater near you

it's "Weekend at Bernie's Part 7".

That's right, Bernie's still dead and he's stiffer than ever.

Cool.

Yeah.

We're back with a breaking story.

Eyewitness Action News has just learned

that a deranged serial killer

has escaped from the county jail.

- Cool. - Yeah.

Unfortunately, we only have this crude sketch of the escaped killer.

But it shouldn't be too hard to identify

since he has a jailhouse tattoo of the word "killer" on his forehead.

I wish all words were that cool.

Yeah. Me too.

lf you should encounter this individual

do not, repeat,

do not attempt to bring him into custody yourself.

Contact the police immediately.

This individual is armed and dangerous.

However if you're ignorant enough to go after him yourself

there is a $ 25,000 reward.

Hey Beavis, l bet when we get that reward money

we can, like, see that movie about stiffies

and we can, like, pay for our own tattoos.

Yeah, yeah.

Then we'll be cool.

I'll get a tattoo of a butt.

I'll get a tattoo of a butt on my butt.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

Well, I'll get a tattoo of a butt that has a butt-shaped tattoo on it...

and I'll get it right on my butt.

That would be cool.

Yeah, me too.

Well, there's a chick...

She's singing...

I think, like, a couple of minutes later she is gonna shake her boobs.

Yeah, yeah!

We don't want to miss that.

- Cool! - Yes, yes!

That part is pretty cool.

I like chicks that have their own room.

She needs, like, some posters and stuff.

Yeah. As a barbed wire.

Wire, wire, wire.

Barbed wire? Why?

I don't know. I have some barbed wire in my room. It's pretty cool.

How come you have barbed wire in your room?

Well, sometimes at night, there's like, these foreigners that try to come in my room.

What are you talking about, Beavis?

You know...

I think they're trying to, like, steal secrets.

You're stupid, Beavis.

Yeah, thanks.

He knows a chick who makes toast?

- So what? - Yeah.

- I can make toast. - Yeah, really.

I think this is college music.

You can tell because that dude has orange hair.

Yeah.

That part is pretty cool.

Then it's like, you can also tell it's college music

because it's like, they are in a field.

Fields suck.

How come he keeps singing about these people he knows?

- Who gives a rat's ass? - Yeah, yeah.

I know a guy! His hair is orange!

He sucks!

Butt tattoos are cool.

Yeah.

Butt tattoos kick ass.

And ass tattoos kick butt.

Speaking of butts, Beavis...

did you just cut the cheese?

Sounded like it came from outside.

What are you, some kind of butt-ventriloquist?

Yeah.

That would be cool.

Are you sure you didn't cut the cheese?

Shut up, Butt-Head.

Maybe it was, like, a wild animal with rabies.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's catch it.

I always wanted a pet with rabies.

Hey Beavis,

did you know when you get rabies...

the doctor gives you, like, 200 shots in the stomach

with this really long needle?

It feels like this.

Whoa.

That knife is cool.

Yeah.

Do you use that for, like, cutting and stuff?

Yeah. Cutting people.

- Whoa! - Yeah.

Hey Beavis...

remember that thing we were watching about that escaped killer dude?

Yeah, yeah.

I bet this guy is tracking him down, too.

If he sees him first, he could get our reward money.

- That would suck! - Yeah.

Are you, like, trying to track down that escaped killer?

'cause we need the money.

For tattoos.

And we decided to track him down first.

Yeah.

I wouldn't want to have to, you know, kick your ass or anything.

I'm tracking people down too, man.

But nobody on my list is an escaped killer.

See, l don't need money for a tattoo...

'cause I already have one.

Check this out.

You guys are not going to get any chicks looking like this.

Yes they will, dumbass.

Didn't you know that, like, all you have to do is be in a video

and you automatically get chicks?

Oh yeah. That's cool.

It's like, all you gotta do is go out and say:

Hey baby...

I'm, like, in a video...

Wanna, you know...

Hey, leave her alone.

Leave her alone.

Fartknocker!

I'll kick your ass.

These guys are, like, a cross between...

Danzig and Megadeth.

I think they're like a cross between Danzig and my butt.

That wasn't very nice, Butt-Head.

Yeah it was. It was a compliment.

My butt rules.

Yeah.

He said "number one".

Eww, he stepped in it.

Someobody has to clean it up.

This video is all serious.

Yeah, it seriously sucks.

Hey Butt-Head.

This sucks, huh?

It sure does, Beavis.

These guys are skinny wimps, too.

But they could still kick Axl's ass.

Whoa!

- That was kinda cool. - Where?

I'm getting dizzy.

Me too.

I'm gonna vomit.

Check out the bee.

Shut up, Beavis.

That monkey was cool.

I'd like to spank it.

Hey Beavis...

- he wants someone to pull his finger. - Yeah.

Now he's pointing down there.

Whoa!

Cool.

It says: "KILER".

- Yeah, is that your name? - "Kiler"?

"Kiler", I like that.

Good one, Kiler.

Yeah, yeah, that was cool.

You hear that?

Hear what?

The voices. Voices are everywhere.

They're calling me.

They guide me.

They command me.

And forever I must obey!

Yeah, voices are cool.

I hear voices, too.

They, like, tell me to do stuff, like stay home from school...

and watch TV and, like, break stuff.

And, like, just...

Preach on, Brother Beavis.

Yeah, and sometimes the voices tell me to do other stuff like...

even cooler stuff.

Like, this voice said: "Beavis, go get a gum wrapper

and, like, roll it up into a cone

and, like, stick it in the butt of a big old horsefly".

And it's like, the fly just flies straight up.

And it's like, it keeps going up, and it can't come down

'cause it can't fly anywhere else, and, like, keeps going up

until it dies of exhaustion

and then it falls down.

Settle down, Beavis.

You're twisted, man!

Yours is twisted.

You twisted yours when you were chocking it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, l'm always gonna remember you guys.

And now it's time for me to give you boys something to remember me by.

Get moving!

- This may hurt a little. - Yeah.

Let me get this straight. You want a tattoo of a butt

which has a butt-shaped tattoo on it?

Yeah.

And I want it right on my butt.

Hey Butt-Head, how come you're so interested in butts?

Shut up, Beavis.

Yeah.

Oh man!

What is this?

This guy really sucks.

And I'm not just saying that either.

Where's he going with that magazine?

He's going into the bathroom...

and he's taking those guys with him.

Yeah.

"Sing me a song, you're the piano man".

Whoa!

That�s a pretty cool shirt.

Yeah, that guy is cool.

- Whoa, spit, spit! Cool! - Yeah.

Whoa, look at the nads on that pig.

You know, I got nads like that.

Really, you got pig nads?

Sort of.

Whoa, that concubine is gonna run them over.

- Yes! - No way, dumbass.

That's not really running them over.

Yeah it is! Look!

No way, Beavis.

That is just, like, one of those tricks, uh...

trick pornography... things.

No way, Butt-Head. They were gone as soon as it left.

Beavis, if that thing killed him, how come they're still singing?

I don't know.

Dumbass.

You know, like, with those monster trucks and like, that pig and everything...

this video is turning out to be pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.

And don't forget about the big nads.

I didn't forget, Beavis.

That's part of the pig.

Oh yeah.

- Now we're cool. - Yeah. Yeah.

We have a bizarre but welcome update on a breaking story.

The serial killer who escaped yesterday from the state penitentiary

is now back behind bars

and authorities say he turned himself in.

He claims voices have directed him to a new calling.

A warden at the state penitentiary described him as a new man

a model prisoner.

According to officials he says he will now serve out his life sentence

administering tattoos to the derri�res of his fellow inmates.

These are tattoos of derri�res

with derri�re-shaped tattoos on them.

- In other news, the 5... - Hey Butt-Head, what did that guy say?

I don't know.

I wanna spit in their faces�

She's gonna spit on someone?

Yeah, yeah. Go for it.

That would be pretty cool.

Is that Dave Mustaine?

Yeah, yeah.

"I got a bowling ball in my stomach...

I got a desert in my mouth�".

That was pretty good, Beavis.

Yeah, thanks.

How many videos are they gonna make with chicks in a bathtub?

At least if they showed them naked it would be cool.

Yeah. How come they never have chicks in showers?

Like in soap commercials.

Did you ever see that soap commercial where that chick gets stabbed?

No, buttmunch...

that's that movie about those guys in the woods.

They're not in the woods. They're in the shower.

Is this, like, a commercial for VH1?

"The difference between you and your parents".

Yeah.

That's stupid.

What's that red thing?

I think it's toilet paper.

Yeah.

It's toilet paper!

This sounds pretty cool for Ugly Kid Joe.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey Butt-Head, I don't think this is Ugly Kid Joe.

Well...

He's ugly...

I don't know, I don't think he's that bad.

- This part of the song rules. - Yeah, yeah.

That was cool.

But it's like, then he gets all tired and he has to take a break. See?

Hey Butt-Head,

have you ever, like, stuck your face on the xerox machine

and like, xeroxed your face?

Yeah.

I xeroxed my butt once.

Remember that time we enlarged your butt

like, 141%?

Yeah. I think I'm gonna go back there and like, enlarge my wiener.

Yeah, yeah.

Then you can like, make 100 copies and like, pass them out all over school.

Ok.

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