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1
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BEDPANS &
BROOMSTICKS
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Pity with me the blight of the warm
water mammal known as the sperm whale.
3
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Man's continued desecration of the sea
has left this species' future bleak,
4
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virtually hopeless.
5
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- He said "sperm".
- Yeah.
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The only hope
for these lovable gentle giants,
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00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:33,711
is that perhaps the young people of today
will grow up more caring,
8
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more understanding,
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more sensitive to the very special
needs of the creatures of the Earth.
10
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,430
Did you fart?
11
00:00:48,039 --> 00:00:49,486
What's this?
12
00:00:51,378 --> 00:00:52,850
This is that movie.
13
00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:02,514
- Is this "Lethal Weapon"?
- Yeah.
14
00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:14,983
Yeah, play it.
15
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- Play it dumbass!
- Yeah.
16
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Hit him!
17
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Kick him! Kick him! Kick him!
18
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Whoa.
19
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- Maybe you shouldn't have played it.
- Yeah.
20
00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:57,622
Hey that's that dude
from "Saturday Night Live".
21
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Yeah.
"Blues Brother".
22
00:02:01,273 --> 00:02:03,980
- Don't do that spastic thing.
- Yeah.
23
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Hey Beavis,
24
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"What Izzy?"
25
00:02:38,476 --> 00:02:40,317
- Yeah.
- "Who Izzy?"
26
00:02:46,219 --> 00:02:49,511
Izzy quit Guns N' Roses
'cause Axl's a wuss.
27
00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:52,728
Yeah. He kicked Axl's ass!
28
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He kicked him! Kicked him!
29
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And he hit him!
30
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Settle down, Beavis!
31
00:03:00,758 --> 00:03:03,620
- You're gonna hose your shorts.
- Oh yeah.
32
00:03:14,785 --> 00:03:20,195
- Whoa, look at that car.
- Yeah. It's all, like, long.
33
00:03:21,005 --> 00:03:23,321
Mass transit is cool.
34
00:03:24,219 --> 00:03:27,514
Yeah.
I like ass transit too.
35
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,971
- Community service is cool.
- Yeah.
36
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,280
Doesn't this car belong to
that big fat dude?
37
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,680
Yeah.
Let's steal it.
38
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:58,880
That would be cool.
39
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,520
It don't get any better
than this, dude.
40
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,160
Hey, come on!
41
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,576
Who do I got to boff around here
to get a pizza?
42
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,588
You know the drill, Billy Bob,
it's just like I told
43
00:04:16,612 --> 00:04:18,856
you after your first coronary
and your second.
44
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,317
And your sixth.
45
00:04:20,338 --> 00:04:22,920
You've got to eat right,
you gotta exercise and you gotta...
46
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,000
Eat me.
Please, eat me Billy Bob.
47
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:30,120
I'm a big moisty delicious slab of
Canadian bacon,
48
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:35,360
with butter and maple syrup on top
and powdered sugar too.
49
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,040
And listen to me Billy, you...
50
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,296
Billy Bob?
You've got to count calories.
51
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,360
You got to avoid saturated fats
and you've also got to avoid stress.
52
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,576
I'm hot.
I'm tasty.
53
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,660
I bet you just can't wait
54
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,896
until my juices are dribbling
down your chin, can you Billy Bob?
55
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,600
And most important of all,
keep that temper of yours under control!
56
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,200
- Donut!
- Donut!
57
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,306
They die!
58
00:05:18,603 --> 00:05:20,139
Punch it, Beavis.
59
00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:39,105
Now, this might be just
a tiniest bit uncomfortable, Mr Gillerman,
60
00:05:39,129 --> 00:05:40,867
but if you'll just relax...
61
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:48,629
Try the morphine.
It's excellent today.
62
00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:03,290
That was cool.
63
00:06:14,731 --> 00:06:16,788
Whoa, cool!
64
00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:18,412
This is cool!
65
00:06:23,453 --> 00:06:24,803
Rain.
66
00:06:26,317 --> 00:06:27,527
Yeah.
67
00:06:32,756 --> 00:06:34,203
Yelling is cool.
68
00:06:34,943 --> 00:06:36,163
Yeah! Yeah!
69
00:06:52,821 --> 00:06:55,683
- He is taking a shower 'cause he stinks.
- Yeah.
70
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,507
Yeah.
71
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,703
Drums are cool.
72
00:07:09,275 --> 00:07:10,505
Yes!
73
00:07:16,578 --> 00:07:17,781
What?
74
00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:24,410
What?
75
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:30,608
Is this about, like, the earth?
76
00:07:32,207 --> 00:07:34,208
No, it's about the firemen.
77
00:07:35,064 --> 00:07:36,667
Fire is cool.
78
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,991
Whoa, cool!
79
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,280
The fatter they are,
the fatter they fall.
80
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,360
I think he's dead.
81
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,840
He got a wallet?
82
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,120
Ooh, he's breathing.
83
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,120
Better zap him.
84
00:08:11,728 --> 00:08:14,015
Don't skip on the gravy.
85
00:08:16,651 --> 00:08:19,100
Whoa, we're heroes Beavis.
86
00:08:19,559 --> 00:08:21,016
We saved a life.
87
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,749
And we got eleven bucks
out of his shorts.
88
00:08:24,247 --> 00:08:25,473
Yeah.
89
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,175
Have a nice day, Beavis.
90
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,292
Shut up!
91
00:08:55,517 --> 00:08:57,926
She looks like that
Peter Frampton chick.
92
00:08:57,932 --> 00:09:02,633
Yeah. These chicks aren't
as cool as the Cycle Sluts.
93
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,975
- Yeah.
- And L7.
94
00:09:04,999 --> 00:09:07,121
Yeah.
They kick ass.
95
00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:15,297
Hey Butt-Head,
are you sure these are chicks?
96
00:09:16,359 --> 00:09:17,761
They'd better be.
97
00:09:18,698 --> 00:09:23,476
- They're giving me a woodrow.
- Yeah. Me too.
98
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:32,496
Glam rock just isn't
what it used to be, Beavis.
99
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:50,985
He... He said... He said p...
100
00:09:51,872 --> 00:09:52,935
- He said....
- He...
101
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,477
He said "penis".
102
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:01,938
He said "penis".
103
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:07,652
He... He said...He... He said...
104
00:10:08,613 --> 00:10:10,391
He... He said...
105
00:10:10,441 --> 00:10:14,991
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