Original subtitles

SICK

Ooh, big one.

The common cold can knock you out.

But did you know that the leading prescription

cold remedy is more than 70% alcohol,

or that can make you lightheaded,

woozy, even hallucinogenic.

Whoa!

I think we need a doctor.

Yeah, we're sick.

Check it out.

Cool!

Yes!

- Hey, somebody pitched a tent. - Yeah.

Now this is feel good music.

- This video tells a message. - Yeah.

- The message is "Vince Neil is a wuss". - Yeah.

That guy from Danzig will kick his ass.

Hey Butt-Head, what does Doctor Feelgood mean?

That's like, when the doctor makes you cough,

and he puts his fingers on your nads.

Yeah, that's cool.

Oh yeah?

You don't have a female doctor, do you Beavis?

- This video has fire and cars. - Yeah, and tattoos and leather.

Now, all it needs is some chicks.

- Then it would be cool. - Yeah.

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Cool!

- This isn't as cool as Scarface. - Yeah.

This was before the music revolution.

Hey this looks like that "Less Miserables" poster in Mrs. Dickie's class.

Yeah.

This Less Miserables-looking thing sucks.

This guy does everything by himself.

Hey, I detect masturbatory overtones.

- "Playing with myself. Oh oh". - "Playing with myself. Oh oh".

- "Playing with myself". - "Playing with myself".

- He's talking about choking his chicken - Yeah.

He's talking about spanking his monkey.

Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat! sweat!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sweat, sweat.

- Sweat, sweat. - Sweat, sweat, sweat.

I'm pretty cool sometimes, huh, Beavis?

Why!?

Who wants...? Who wants cheese on..?

Medium? Medium well?

That's cool.

Number 83.

Number 8-3,

Pickles? Pickles?

Cool!

And what is your problem?

I kinda... ow!... have a fork stuck in my head.

We're number 83 and we need the leading subscription cold remedy.

We are, like, sick or something.

I have not gone on break in two hours and fifteen minutes.

And what is your problem?

We're sick.

See?

Look, room seven. Strip down to your underpants, wait for the doctor.

I'm going on my break.

Cool.

So the doctor says:

"Rectum? It nearly killed him".

Nice wedgie, dude.

Look, it's a thong.

That's cool.

Oh, okay. So, you boys have bad colds, right?

- She saw your butt. - Shut up!

Yeah, we have bad colds.

Probably, like, ammonia or something.

So, we need rest, fluids,

and a leading description cold remedy. A big bottle.

Well, we'll see, Mr. Butt-Head.

How about we start with you? Just hop up on the table over there,

and let me take a quick look in your ear, okay?

Well, what I actually said, Mr. Butt-Head, was

"In your ear", not "In your rear".

So, maybe you could...? You know.

You can call him Crisco, 'cause he's fat in the can.

Shut up, Beavis!

- Hey! Hey! - Butthole!

I tell you what. Let's just cut this short, okay?

I'll give you each a quick antibiotic injection,

and you should start feeling better very soon.

No leading inscription cold remedy?

No wild cherry or cool grape goodness?

No, I never prescribe that stuff.

It tends to make patients kinda lightheaded.

Homeowner.

Sometimes, they even get high or hallucinate.

Alright, then. You can dress now if you'd like.

In fact, I'd really appreciate

if you do it as quickly as possible. And the nurse will be in momentarily,

with your bill.

This sucks! No medicine, no buzz, nothing.

Yeah, I'm starting to feel better.

What a rip-off.

Honey, where's the pickles?

Where's the pickles?

Check it out, Beavis.

- It's those dudes on Stewart's lunchbox. - Yeah.

This video needs, like, more explosions and close-ups of butts.

Yeah, they should have somebody come out and start kicking these guys.

- That would be cool. - Yeah.

They could kick him.

And punch him too.

Like Ice Cube.

He could come out and kick all these guys.

- That would be cool. - Yeah.

- He said "hanging'". - Yeah.

If this toad licking thing works,

we not gonna even need the leading conniption cold remedy.

Anything yet?

Are you sure you're licking right?

Yeah.

I don't get it! It's supposed to pack an awesome buzz.

Taste like chicken.

- Here toady. - Here toady.

Yes!

Whoa! "Trials Of life".

"Why do you think they call them animals?"

Yeah, "Volume One. Hunting and escaping. Order now! Operators are standing by!"

Whoa, a baby!

How did that happen?

Cool!

These guys are pissed off.

- Yeah, they got a bad attitude. - That's cool.

This is the coolest video I've ever seen in my life.

His beard is cool.

It's King Tut from Batman.

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