Original subtitles

BALLOON

- Hey Beavis. - What?

What does the president of the United States

think about, when he goes to the bathroom?

Does he, like, think about world problems? Like the infra sculpture?

Does he, like, have a phone and call up other presidents?

What's so funny?

What's so funny, dude?

The president of the United States pinching a loaf.

Yeah, that was cool.

Hey Beavis, he's got your hair.

Hey, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Tattoos are cool.

Yeah. I'm gonna get one.

You could have "I am a puss" tattooed on your butt.

Shut up, Butt-Head!

Anthony Kiedis is cool.

- These guys get all the chicks. - Yeah.

Flea is cool.

Hey, I can do that.

That's cool.

I saw pictures of these guys and they had socks on their penises.

That would be cool.

Hey, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

This guy looks like a mass murderer.

Yeah. He looks kinda like you.

This guy is supposed to be better than the Beatles and Elvis.

Yeah. He's not as cool as Metallica, though.

Why does he keep looking up?

- This dude sounds like he was neutered. - Yeah.

This is satanic country music.

Yeah, I feel like killing myself.

Even something as fun and innocent as helium balloons

can cause a deadly threat to our deep sea friends.

Think she is a diver?

Ask your mom.

Choad smoker.

The wind blows these balloons out to sea,

where cute little baby dolphins can swallow them and choke to death.

Cool!

It's so tragic, to see these innocent creatures

murdered by a party favor.

Happy birthday, Flipper.

Here you are, boys. What's the occasion?

- It's, uhh... It's like a gag. - Yeah.

Hey Butt-Head, let's breathe some gas.

Go for it, dude.

I don't feel nothing.

- What's wrong with your voice, dude? - What's wrong with yours?

- Oh, no! - We're neutered!

- This is gonna be cool. - Yeah.

And now, here's a routine made famous by the Harlem Globetrotters.

Give me the slingshot.

- Butt-Head! Butt-Head! - Whoa, cool.

Help! Butt-Head, help! I'm stuck! This sucks!

- This sucks, help! - Can I have your skateboard?

Shoot me down, ass wipe! This sucks!

Sorry, dude.

Thank you dolphins!

Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's hammerhead time!

That's right! Synchronized scavaging by

our lovely intelligent hammerhead sharks.

Help Butt-Head! I can't swim! This sucks!

Whoa, cool.

Attention! Attention! Someone has polluted the water!

This could endanger the life of the young sharks...

Evacuate the shark tank immediately.

Yes!

- This chick is hot. - Oh yeah?

Would you make out with her? -Yeah, I'd be all over it.

Really?

- That's a guy, Beavis. - No way.

You wanna make out with a dude.

He's got a nice butt, huh, Beavis?

Shut up, Butt-Head!

- Ooh, he is sexy, huh, Beavis? - Shut up, Butt-Head!

Boing, boing, boing, boing, bo-bo-boing, boing, boing, boing.

That was cool.

Those fish are swimming in the air.

Whoa! Those fish are peeing on him.

- That's cool. - Yeah.

I wish I had lips on my hand.

- That would be cool. - Yeah.

- Fish baseball. - Yeah.

- Hey Beavis. - Yeah?

Can I ask your a personal question?

Go for it, dude.

Did you pee in the pool 'cause you were smart or 'cause you were scared?

No dude, 'cause it feels good.

Yeah. That's why I always pee in the pool.

Yeah.

All right!

Angus Young is cool.

Yeah, Malcolm is cool too.

- That drummer is old. - Shut up, fartknocker, he's cool.

- Did Phil Rudd die? - No, peckerwood, that was Bon Scott.

Oh yeah. He was cool.

- That guy is special. - Yeah.

Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap.

- Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap. - Sing it, Beavis.

Dirty deeds are cool.

Hey Beavis, have you ever done a dirty deed?

Yeah, I spanked my monkey one time.

These guys always wear the same clothes.

That's cool.

Hey, we always wear the same clothes.

- I had this shirt on for six months. - I had this on for seven months.

Hey look, she's running away from home and she's only thirty.

Yeah, yeah.

Girls, girls, girls, girls.

Yeah.

He touched her butt.

She's a hooker.

- His daughter is a hooker. - Yeah.

- She's singing to the homeless. - Yeah.

- Hey Beavis, what are the homeless? - I don't know.

She's shaking her boobs.

- Hey Beavis, this video tells a story. - Yeah, I'm pitching a tent.

This story sucks.

Change it.

Check it out.

It's that fat guy from that show.

Which one is Tito?

That was cool.

If he keeps touching himself he is gonna break his other hand.

Which one is Tito?

Indians are cool.

- Yeah. - Which one's Tito?

No, dude, it's Tonto.

Whoa, she's hot.

- Whoa, those are big babies. - Yeah.

- I like fire. - Yeah, fire kicks ass.

I like when they burn stuff.

Check it out, it's that kid from that movie.

- MacClokin Loclokin. - Micoly MacClothlin.

- Call me Maclucklin. - Mike calls him "boy".

- Is his butt the same color as his face? - Yeah.

That's not real.

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