Original subtitles

DOOR-TO-DOOR

Please, just a penny a day...

...can purchase enough milk...

...to feed a family of four for a week.

But only if you can help. Please give as much as you can to the...

...desperate savage murderers, who would gouge out your eyes

and cut of your tongue for satanic rituals. On the next Geraldo.

What's that address again?

These guys jam.

Kick-ass.

Yeah, kick-ass.

That's pretty cool.

- He's standing on a butt. - Yeah.

I like butts.

- Butts are cool. - Yeah, I'm getting a stiffy.

Buttcheeks.

Look at all those butts.

I'm pitching a tent.

Whoa!

This is the 90s, people. A 9 upside down is a 6.

So let's turn the 90's upside down

and we capture the spirit of the 60's, okay?

Watch those flashbacks, dude.

Excuse me, could I have your attention, please?

Okay, this week we're going to learn a little bit about that spirit.

By giving of ourselves.

We're all going door to door to collect for the "Consumer Goods

- For Overseas Children Fund". - No way.

Of course, I can't force you to work for charity,

thanks to our constitution's delicate balance

between our individual liberties and a common good.

Nor would I want to, because of my own beliefs in personal freedom.

So, anyone who doesn't want to collect, can complete the 60's project

by doing a book report on "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test".

- Oral, oral, oral. - Yeah.

Written or oral.

- Yes. - Cool.

But first, of course, you've got to read the book.

- That guy is touching his wiener. - Yeah.

I'm gonna touch my wiener.

If you're like, famous, you can touch your wiener and nobody cares.

- Isn't that dude on... 9-2-0-1-0? - Yeah.

- That show sucks. - Yeah.

- Those chicks are stuck up. - Yeah.

Stuck up my butt.

You think he knows that everybody hates him?

Yeah.

What a wuss.

This video would be cool if they had, like, chicks and tight pants everywhere.

Yeah.

- And lots of fire and explosions. - Yeah.

And car accidents. Then it would be cool.

This video is stupid. Change it.

What a dork!

He's talking about school.

Hey Beavis, do you know how to read?

This guy is a dumbass.

- School sucks! - Yeah!

- Yes? - Got any money?

We're collecting for the poor.

Great, I just lost my job.

What in the hell... What do you... What do you want?

We're collecting for the poor.

- Helping 'em buy meals and stuff. - Meals?

There is one!

The 60's must have sucked.

Maybe in this house there'll be a beautiful chick.

Hello? Collecting for charity.

Help the poor.

Come in, boys. I've been waiting for you.

Now, turn on the lamp.

- Once again boys, who do you serve? - You, mistress Cora.

- Whose wrath do you fear? - Yours, mistress Cora.

Yes, that Madonna book was worth every penny.

Whoa!

Erotica.

- That was cool. - Yeah.

Erotica.

Gotta go, dude, got to go spank my monkey.

Head.

- These guys are cool. - Yeah.

Head.

People, I'm proud to announce that we collected more than eight dollars

- for our charity drive. - Eight dollars? Sad, dude.

Yeah.

But what makes me especially proud

is this note I received from Mrs. Cora Anthrax on Willow Place.

"When your charity work was explained to me by those charming young men,

Beavis and Butt-Head,

my heart went out to those poor children overseas."

"Good luck, and please send Beavis and Butt-Head around if you need more."

And students, it's a check for one hundred dollars.

I'm proud of you guys.

And here is your prize for collecting

the most money in our "Spirit of the 60's" drive.

A Moby Grape album for each of you.

You know, it hurts me to part with these, guys. They are collectors items.

But giving 'till it hurts is part of what the 60's were all about.

Nice catch, dude.

Watch this! Behind the back.

Damn!

What'd happen if you stuck a firecracker into that little hole?

That would be cool.

Hey look, an old dude.

- This guy is a dumbass. - Yeah, he looks like David Letterman.

Trick photography.

That's pretty cool.

Whoa.

- Storms are cool. - Yeah.

Whoa, that's pretty cool.

Wind is cool.

Here, pony.

That's cool.

Hurricanes are cool.

I like when the wind knocks stuff over

- and lands on people. - Yeah, and it tears a roof off.

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