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1
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:20,769
See, Joe, that's why your parents
told you not to jump on the bed.
2
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,865
Hey, look at me. I'm making jam.
3
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:19,286
- I've been at it since 4:00 this morning.
- Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the morning?
4
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,913
Went down at the docks.
5
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,040
Bet you didn't know
you can get it wholesale.
6
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,917
I didn't know there were docks.
7
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,128
Hey.
8
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,089
- Aw, is it broken?
- Aw.
9
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,800
No, but I gotta wear this thing
for a couple weeks.
10
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,095
Did you tell the doctor you did it
jumping up and down on your bed?
11
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,390
No. I had a whole story
worked out, but then...
12
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:41,850
...Chandler sold me out.
13
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,102
I'm sorry, Joe.
14
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:47,022
I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy
that it just fell out of his socket.
15
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,859
What is this? Fruit?
16
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,364
Monica's making jam.
17
00:01:56,032 --> 00:02:00,410
Jam? I love jam. Hey, how come
we never have jam at our place?
18
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,746
Because the kids need new shoes.
19
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,960
I'm going into business, people.
I'm sick of being depressed about Richard.
20
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:10,879
I needed a plan.
A plan to get over my man.
21
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,091
What's the opposite of man? Jam.
22
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,095
Joey, don't. It's way too hot.
23
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,396
This will just be my batch.
24
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,125
Um, that's it. No.
Hey you. J. Crew guy...
25
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,127
Yeah. Why are you following me?
26
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,629
All week long, everywhere I look,
there's you.
27
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,883
You wouldn't return my calls.
You sent back my letters.
28
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,886
- What?
- One more chance, Ursula. Please.
29
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,389
Oh. Oh.
30
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:03,640
Oh. Well, this is awkward.
31
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,475
- Why?
- Um...
32
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:09,438
Yeah, because you want Ursula,
and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters.
33
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,274
Seriously.
34
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:16,153
Oh. That's great.
I'm stalking the wrong woman.
35
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,031
I am such a dingus!
36
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,200
Oh, you're not a dingus.
37
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,995
I just... I want you to know
I didn't used to be like this.
38
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,414
Before I met your sister,
I was, like, this normal guy...
39
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,625
...who sold beepers
and cellular phones.
40
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:34,296
Well... I mean, look, it's not your fault,
you know?
41
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,257
I mean, this is just
what she does to guys, okay?
42
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,717
Just...
43
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,470
Well, thanks.
44
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,972
Wait. You know what?
I got a little story.
45
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,141
When I was in junior high school...
46
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,769
...I went through this period
where I thought I was a witch.
47
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,647
And there was this guidance counselor
who said something to me...
48
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,482
...that I think will help you a lot.
49
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,236
He said, "Okay, you're not a witch.
You're just an average student. "
50
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,365
- See what I'm saying?
- Not really.
51
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,034
Um, well, get over it.
52
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,165
I mean, you just...
You seem like a really nice guy.
53
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,835
You know, I just...
Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
54
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:18,215
Wait, you're right. I know you're right.
And thanks for being so nice.
55
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,550
- Here.
- Aah!
56
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,594
Thanks a lot.
57
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,846
Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or...?
58
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,015
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
59
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,353
You don't have to
walk behind me anymore.
60
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,562
Sorry.
61
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,899
- Mon?
- Mon?
62
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:41,446
"Gone for more jars.
Back later. Monica Geller. "
63
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,950
Wait a minute. Look.
64
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,743
- Look, look, look.
- What, what, what?
65
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,204
- It's an empty apartment.
- Mm.
66
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,707
We're all alone
in an empty apartment.
67
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:55,919
Aw, honey, come on. I have to be
at work in, like, 10 minutes and, oh...
68
00:04:56,754 --> 00:05:01,091
All right. Well, it's not like
I'm employee of the year or anything.
69
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,343
Ha, ha. Whoo!
70
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:07,639
- There it is.
Oh.
71
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,766
- Oh, that's what you're talking about.
Ahem.
72
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,727
Hey.
- Hey.
73
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,645
Do I look fat?
74
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,772
No.
75
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,941
Okay, I accept that.
76
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,901
When Janice asked me and I said no...
77
00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,988
...she took that to mean
that I was calling her a cow.
78
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,075
Okay, walk us through it, honey.
Walk us through it.
79
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,744
Okay, well, Janice said, uh:
80
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:31,913
"Hi. Do I look fat today?"
And I looked at her...
81
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,707
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
82
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,542
You looked at her?
83
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,629
- You never look.
- Mm-mm.
84
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:44,968
You just answer. It's like a reflex.
"Do I look fat?" "No. "
85
00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,432
"Is she prettier than I am?" "No. "
86
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:52,768
- "Does size matter?"
- No.
87
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,603
And it works both ways.
88
00:05:57,648 --> 00:06:00,859
Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
89
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,404
You know, after about 30 or 40 fights,
you kind of catch on.
90
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,616
Okay. For instance, ahem:
91
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:12,120
Let's say Janice is coming back from a trip
and she gives you two options.
92
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:15,457
Option number one:
She'll take a cab home from the airport.
93
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:19,378
Or option two: You can meet her
at baggage claim. What do you do?
94
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:20,670
That's easy. Baggage claim.
95
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:22,756
Ehh! Wrong. Now you're single.
96
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:28,595
It's actually secret option number three.
97
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:32,057
You meet her at the gate.
That way she knows you love her.
98
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,476
Hmm.
- Okay, this is good. This is good.
99
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:38,563
All right, listen, I have one.
Janice likes to cuddle...
100
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,024
...at night, which I'm all for.
- Mm.
101
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,986
But, uh, you know, when you want
to go to sleep, you want some space.
102
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,989
So, uh, you know,
how do I tell her that without...
103
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:51,243
...you know, accidentally
calling her fat or something?
104
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:56,039
Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. We can't help you
there, because we're cuddly sleepers.
105
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,167
- Okay, I'm late for work.
- Oh.
106
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:02,838
- Are you guys gonna come down?
- Uh, yeah. I'm right behind you.
107
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,215
- Good luck, Chandler.
Thank you, Rachel.
108
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,050
Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, honey.
109
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,054
Okay, the sleeping thing.
110
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:14,558
Very tricky business
but there is something you can do.
111
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,894
- I thought you were cuddly sleepers.
- No.
112
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,524
No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her.
113
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,943
I'm like you. I need the room. Ahem.
114
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,529
Okay, come here. Ahem.
115
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,117
Okay. You're in bed.
116
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,618
Yeah?
117
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,624
- I'm gonna use the cushion.
- Yeah.
118
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:45,338
Okay. You're in bed.
She's over on your side cuddling.
119
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:48,550
Now, you wait for her to drift off...
120
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,219
...and then you hug her...
121
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:56,141
...and roll her over
to her side of the bed.
122
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,435
And then you...
123
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,189
...roll away.
124
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,358
Hug for her.
125
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,906
Roll for you.
126
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,742
- Okay, the old "hug and roll. "
- Yep.
127
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,994
- Okay. One question.
- Shoot.
128
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,538
You're pretending
the pillow's a girl, right?
129
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,959
Remember when you were a kid...
130
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,337
...and your mom would
drop you off at the movies...
131
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,423
...with a jar ofjam and a little spoon?
132
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,345
You're so pretty.
133
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,393
- Hi.
Hey, Phoebe.
134
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:44,314
Hey, oh! You know that guy who's been
following me? I talked to him today.
135
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:47,150
You talked to him?
Are you crazy?
136
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:52,989
Okay, first, I'm not crazy.
And second, say it. Don't spray it.
137
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,744
Anyway, his name is Malcolm,
and he wasn't following me.
138
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,789
I mean, he was, but just because
he thought I was Ursula. Ick.
139
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:07,337
And that's why... That's why he
couldn't just come up and talk to me.
140
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,798
Because of the restraining order.
141
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,678
Hmm. Not feeling better about Malcolm.
142
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,390
Oh! No, no, no, he's not like a kook.
143
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,686
No, he's just this, like, very passionate,
incredibly romantic guy...
144
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,564
...that just got a teensy bit
carried away, you know?
145
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,817
And we just get along really well,
and he's so cute.
146
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:34,906
Oh, my God. You've got a crush
on your sister's stalker.
147
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,034
No, I'm just gonna help him, you know,
get "de-Ursula-ized. "
148
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:41,121
Like, you know... Like I did for Joey
after he went out with her.
149
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,665
Yeah, but I didn't stalk her. I mean...
150
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,750
I asked for the news,
not the weather.
151
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,755
- Hey, guys.
Hey, Mon.
152
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,217
Joey, this is for you.
It's blackberry currant.
153
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,677
Aw.
154
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,222
Oh.
155
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,557
Yeah.
156
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,851
Hey, Joe, I gotta ask.
157
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,229
The girl from the Xerox place,
buck naked...
158
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,357
...or a big tub of jam?
159
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,569
Put your hands together.
160
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,242
Joey, take your time with that.
That's my last batch.
161
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,453
No more jam?
162
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,581
What happened to your jam plan?
163
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,335
Well, I figured out I'd need to charge
17 bucks a jar just to break even.
164
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:31,838
So I've got a new plan now. Babies.
165
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,508
Well, you're gonna need
much bigger jars.
166
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,556
- What are you talking about?
- About me having a baby.
167
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,767
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
168
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:47,646
The great thing about the jam plan was
I was take control of my life.
169
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,690
So I asked myself, "What is
the most important thing to me?"
170
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,568
And that's when I came up
with the baby plan.
171
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,571
Well, aren't you forgetting something?
172
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:59,949
What is, uh...?
What is that guy's name? Dad.
173
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,996
It took me 28 years to find one man
that I wanted to spend my life with.
174
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:09,167
If I have to wait another 28 years,
then I'll be 56 before I can have a baby.
175
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,336
And that's just stupid.
176
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,756
That's what's stupid?
177
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:21,262
I don't need an actual man.
Just a couple of his best swimmers.
178
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:25,809
You know? And there are places
that you can go to get that stuff.
179
00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:28,019
Down at the docks again?
180
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,782
Night-night, Bing-a-ling.
181
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,993
Night-night...
182
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,413
...Janice.
183
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,961
Look at all that room on her side.
184
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,004
You could fit a giant penguin over there.
185
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:58,883
That'd be weird, though.
186
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:01,886
Hug and roll time.
187
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,347
I'm hugging. I'm hugging.
188
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,308
You're rolling, and...
189
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,561
Yes! Freedom!
190
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,147
Except for this arm.
191
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:15,066
I'm stuck. Stuck arm.
192
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:19,696
Okay, time for the old tablecloth trick.
One fluid motion.
193
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,698
Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat.
194
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,993
And one, two...
195
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,619
...three.
196
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,003
Here's my binoculars.
197
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,630
Oh, great. Great. You're doing great.
198
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:41,009
You know, real strong. Going strong.
Keep going.
199
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,970
These are my night-vision goggles.
200
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,349
This is the book I pretend to read
when I'm watching her in the park.
201
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,479
And these are Madlibs.
They're just for fun.
202
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,689
Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. What's this?
203
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:59,569
Oh. This is the log I kept,
recording her every movement.
204
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,698
- You want to hear something from it?
- Um, not even a little bit.
205
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,160
- It's about you.
- Oh, okay, then.
206
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:15,251
- "I met Phoebe today.
- Ha, ha.
207
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,879
She was really nice to me
even though I'm such a loser. "
208
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,255
Oh.
209
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,092
"And then when I was walking home,
I thought about her a lot.
210
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,387
It was weird but kind of cool. "
211
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:28,932
Good. Ha, ha.
212
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,726
So, what were you thinking?
213
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,730
I was thinking what it'd be like
to kiss you.
214
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,065
- Really?
- No.
215
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,483
Oh.
216
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,905
See, that's just something I said now
so that maybe I could kiss you.
217
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,324
- Oh, okay.
- Ha!
218
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,124
No, it's all right.
I just had a jar of mustard.
219
00:13:56,585 --> 00:14:01,714
Okay. Sperm donor number 03815,
come on down!
220
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,592
Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds.
221
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,804
And he describes himself
as a male Geena Davis.
222
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,056
You mean there's more than one of us?
223
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,353
You can't do this, Mon, all right?
If you do this, I'm gonna...
224
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,314
- You're gonna what?
- I'm gonna tell Mom.
225
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,777
Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right.
I love you, but you're crazy.
226
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,947
- Crazy.
- What? Why? Why is this crazy?
227
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,825
- So this isn't the ideal way to do something...
- Oh, it's not...
228
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,035
Lips moving. Still talking.
229
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:33,830
It may not be ideal...
230
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,291
...but I'm so ready.
231
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:39,168
You know, I see the way
Ben looks at you.
232
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,796
It makes me ache, you know?
233
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,132
Check it out. Jam crackers.
234
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,722
Okay. All right, how's this?
235
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,933
Twenty-seven. Italian-American guy.
236
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,768
He's an actor.
237
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,687
Born in Queens.
238
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,441
Wow. Big family. Seven sisters...
239
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:05,194
...and he's the only boy.
240
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,910
Oh, my God. Under personal comments:
"New York Knicks rule. "
241
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,620
Yeah, the Knicks rule.
242
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,667
Joey, this is you.
243
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,502
Let me see.
244
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,006
Oh, right.
245
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,176
When did you go to a sperm bank?
246
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,137
Right after I did that sex study at NYU.
247
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,932
Hey, remember that sweater
I gave you for your birthday?
248
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,517
And that's how you bought it?
249
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,480
No. That's what I was wearing
when I donated.
250
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,235
I'm kind of surprised
there's any of my boys left.
251
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:48,613
Well, honey, it is pretty competitive.
252
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,366
I mean, I've got an actual
rocket scientist here.
253
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,284
Hey, maybe I should call this place...
254
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,954
...and get them to put my
Days ofour Lives gig on here.
255
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,872
You know? Juice this puppy up a little.
256
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,250
Hey!
- Hello.
257
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,669
How's the maniac?
258
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:06,130
Oh, he's yummy.
We did a little kissing. Aah!
259
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,716
Phoebe, what are you doing?
260
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,551
Oh, no, no, no. You know what?
261
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,888
He's not into that anymore.
He quit for me. Mm-hm.
262
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,725
Pheebs, this guy has been
obsessed with your sister...
263
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,894
...for God knows how long, okay?
264
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,063
You don't just give up something
like that.
265
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,692
Look, he gave me his night-vision
goggles and everything.
266
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,655
You're taking the word of a guy
who has night-vision goggles?
267
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,701
What? He's not still following her.
You think he's still following her?
268
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,954
Pheebs, wake up and smell
the restraining order.
269
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,249
What should I do?
270
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,502
I think that if you really like this guy,
you should just trust him.
271
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,920
Thank you, Monica.
272
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,673
Or you could follow him
and see where he goes.
273
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,175
Oh, that's what I would do. Forget mine.
274
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,680
Oh, my God. What happened?
275
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,433
Oh, God. Crazy Chandler,
he spun me...
276
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,393
...off the bed.
277
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:04,272
- Wow. Spinning. That sounds like fun.
- Oh.
278
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,108
I wish.
279
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,404
No, you know, he was just trying
Ross' "hug and roll" thing.
280
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,491
Ross' what?
281
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:20,038
You know, like, where he hugs you
and then he kind of rolls you away, and...
282
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:27,045
Oh, my God.
283
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,538
- Phoebe?
- Yes? Yes! Oh.
284
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:04,791
What are you doing?
285
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,585
Oh, I was just here
looking for my, um...
286
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:11,631
My part of an old sandwich.
Here it is! Oh!
287
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,176
Were you following me?
288
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,261
Um, perhaps.
289
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,223
Yes. Yes. I'm sorry.
290
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:24,102
I'm sorry. I was just afraid
that you were still hung up on my sister.
291
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,437
So you spied on me.
292
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,232
I can't believe you don't trust me.
293
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:39,534
Oh, well, what do you know?
There goes my identical twin sister.
294
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,328
Just walking along, looking like me.
295
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:47,667
What is this, just a freakish coincidence,
or did you know that she takes this train?
296
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,628
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
297
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,047
I tried to stop, but I couldn't.
298
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,466
I'm so pathetic.
299
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:59,804
No, no, it's not your fault.
You know, it's partly my fault.
300
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,348
It's because I made you quit cold turkey.
301
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,766
It's too hard, you know?
302
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:07,937
Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you
anymore, because you're, you know:
303
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,605
Wow!
304
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:15,236
But, um... But I will definitely, definitely
help you get over my sister. Okay?
305
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,447
Just stalk me for a while, huh?
306
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,869
Yeah, and I'll be like an Ursula patch.
307
00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,871
Uh-huh. I don't know.
308
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,748
Yeah, just... Okay, look, I'm going.
309
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,208
Um, come on.
310
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:34,255
Ooh, ooh, behind the pillar.
Ooh, which way am I gonna go? Aah!
311
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,258
- Hey.
- Hey.
312
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,010
- Where you going?
- To the bank.
313
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,804
Huh. Sperm or regular?
314
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,765
Sperm.
315
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,309
So you're really doing it, huh?
316
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,854
Oh, yeah. I picked a guy, 37135.
317
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,147
He sounds nice.
318
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:54,275
I'd say so.
He's got brown hair and green eyes.
319
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,360
No kidding? Hmm.
320
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:59,280
- What?
- I figured you'd have picked a blond guy.
321
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:01,240
Really? Why?
322
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,284
I don't know.
I always pictured you ending up...
323
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:06,954
...with one of those tall, smart, blond guys,
name like...
324
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,122
...Hoyt.
325
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,001
- Hoyt?
- It's a name. Yeah.
326
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:17,798
I saw you in this... You know,
this great house with a big pool.
327
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,676
- Yeah? Is he a swimmer?
- Ha.
328
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,554
He's got the body for it. Ha, ha.
329
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,806
I like that.
330
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:31,562
- Ha, ha. What?
- You guys have one of those signs that says:
331
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,440
"We don't swim in your toilet,
so don't pee in our pool. "
332
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,692
We do not have one of those signs.
333
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,444
Sure you do. It was a gift from me.
334
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,907
Oh! And you have three great kids.
335
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,160
- Two girls and a boy?
- Yeah!
336
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:49,163
And they wear those little water wings,
you know...
337
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,998
...and they're running around
on the deck.
338
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,085
And then Hoyt wraps this big towel
around all three of them.
339
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,670
Sure.
340
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,595
Uh, but, hey, you know,
this way sounds good too.
341
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,682
Yeah.
342
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,853
Oh, Monica.
343
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:22,363
Wow, this guy's an astronaut?
344
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,284
That would have been cool...
345
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:28,911
...for, like, a day. Ah-ah!
346
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,420
I called the sperm bank today.
347
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:40,840
They haven't sold a single unit
of Tribbiani.
348
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:42,883
Nobody wants my product.
349
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,013
I mean, I don't get it, you know?
350
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,518
I mean...
351
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,313
...maybe if they met me in person.
352
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,733
Uh, honey, you got a little thing on your...
353
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:01,068
- Oh.
Yeah.
354
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,114
Get it?
355
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,074
Yeah.
356
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:13,456
Hello.
357
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,627
Hey.
358
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:21,088
Uh...
359
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,133
Chan, can I, uh...?
Could I talk to you for a second?
360
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,385
- Sure. What's up?
- Uh, ha, ha.
361
00:22:26,553 --> 00:22:29,347
Just one, uh...
One additional relationship thought.
362
00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,475
Um, something you're probably,
uh, already familiar with.
363
00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,352
Uh, women talk.
27824
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