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1
00:00:00,403 --> 00:00:02,472
This bookshop rules. I get it...
2
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:04,413
- Paper, not screens.
- Yeah.
3
00:00:04,414 --> 00:00:07,585
Oof, I can't stop thinking about
this prix-fixe pasta tasting
4
00:00:07,586 --> 00:00:09,102
- at Dobby tonight.
- Wait a second.
5
00:00:09,103 --> 00:00:10,827
You're going to Dobby tonight?
6
00:00:10,828 --> 00:00:13,068
- Girl, yah.
- Dude, you didn't tell me that.
7
00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:15,413
I saw that chef on "Chef's
Table." She's incredible.
8
00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:16,999
I love a restaurant run by women
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,703
'cause they don't rape
or molest their employees,
10
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,263
- and the food just tastes better.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:20,274 --> 00:00:22,263
Also, I told them already
that you don't eat beef.
12
00:00:22,274 --> 00:00:23,447
Why?
13
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:25,585
So there's no beef on your plate?
14
00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,240
Ilana, I'm not coming
15
00:00:27,241 --> 00:00:29,240
to your one-year
anniversary dinner tonight.
16
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,137
Don't be a bitch. Who's gonna mediate?
17
00:00:31,138 --> 00:00:33,930
Right, it's the
anniversary/renegotiation
18
00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:35,749
relationship-check-in.
19
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,290
Dude, this is big. Do you have
all your deal points prepared?
20
00:00:38,301 --> 00:00:40,404
You Sade-Baderinwa believe I do!
21
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,586
Dope.
22
00:00:41,587 --> 00:00:43,517
There they are.
23
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,318
That's good placement.
24
00:00:48,319 --> 00:00:49,560
Wow.
25
00:00:49,561 --> 00:00:51,215
Gor-gous!
26
00:00:53,423 --> 00:00:56,008
You took the lemons of being
fired from Anthropologie
27
00:00:56,009 --> 00:00:57,629
and turned them into gorgeous, artistic,
28
00:00:57,630 --> 00:00:59,663
bad-bitch-gettin'-shit-done lemonade.
29
00:00:59,664 --> 00:01:01,569
Yeah, I mean, thank God
those cards are in here.
30
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:03,905
I'm exhausted from working
on my art all day
31
00:01:03,906 --> 00:01:06,792
and catering every night. I needed this.
32
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,870
Abbi Abrams.
33
00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:12,801
Donna? My God. I haven't
seen you since college, dude.
34
00:01:12,802 --> 00:01:15,077
- Hi!
- Hi!
35
00:01:15,078 --> 00:01:16,664
- Wait. Is this...
- So good to see you!
36
00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:17,843
- You, too.
- Smelly Pussy Donna?
37
00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:19,092
Ilana.
38
00:01:19,975 --> 00:01:21,663
I am s... I am so sorry.
39
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,318
I'm truly sorry. That is so rude.
40
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,180
I am... I am so sorry.
41
00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:27,594
Clearly that got relayed from me.
42
00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:29,111
This is my best friend, Ilana.
43
00:01:29,112 --> 00:01:30,836
And she didn't mean
to say that out loud.
44
00:01:30,837 --> 00:01:33,491
It's okay. I officially own
that nickname,
45
00:01:33,492 --> 00:01:35,456
because I beat my smelly pussy.
46
00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:38,043
It only took probiotics
and six years of therapy,
47
00:01:38,044 --> 00:01:42,010
but I'm officially free
of malodorous pudenda.
48
00:01:42,021 --> 00:01:43,335
- That's amazing.
- Smelly pussy.
49
00:01:43,346 --> 00:01:44,525
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
50
00:01:44,526 --> 00:01:47,249
I've actually used my horrible
story to inspire other women.
51
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,180
I just gave a TAD Talk.
52
00:01:49,181 --> 00:01:50,525
You gave a TED Talk about it?
53
00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:52,146
No, TADTalk.
54
00:01:52,147 --> 00:01:53,836
Cool.
55
00:01:53,837 --> 00:01:56,077
What are you up to?
Are you still doing your art?
56
00:01:56,078 --> 00:01:58,111
I really loved her art.
She was so talented.
57
00:01:58,112 --> 00:02:00,594
Thanks so much.
I... Yeah, I mean, I'm trying.
58
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:02,870
She's not trying. She is succeeding.
59
00:02:02,871 --> 00:02:05,663
She's selling her cards
in the store right now!
60
00:02:05,664 --> 00:02:10,318
Okay, these are literally so cute.
61
00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:11,905
I just had the best idea.
62
00:02:11,906 --> 00:02:13,491
I'm a coordinator at MoMA.
63
00:02:13,492 --> 00:02:14,919
Cool? That's amazing.
64
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:16,697
And we're having
an incredible party tonight.
65
00:02:16,708 --> 00:02:19,318
Would you guys please come
as my close personal guests?
66
00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,387
I have this dinner I have to go to.
67
00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:23,077
That sucks we can't go.
68
00:02:24,147 --> 00:02:27,870
Well, I mean...
69
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:31,353
Icould still go, like, alone.
70
00:02:31,354 --> 00:02:33,249
Whoa.
71
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:35,044
I guess you could.
72
00:02:37,451 --> 00:02:40,008
Okay, so you're gonna go. Great.
Yeah, I've put you on the list,
73
00:02:40,009 --> 00:02:42,249
and they are excited to meet you.
74
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:43,698
My gosh.
75
00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:46,119
My Pediphile is here.
76
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,836
What, now?
77
00:02:47,837 --> 00:02:50,249
Pediphile is an app
78
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,011
for people who are obsessed
with pedicabs.
79
00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:53,594
I became obsessed with them in college
80
00:02:53,595 --> 00:02:56,491
when I needed to air out
my vagina, because...
81
00:02:56,492 --> 00:02:57,939
the smelly pussy thing.
82
00:02:57,940 --> 00:02:59,491
Also, it's so convenient to get around.
83
00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:01,177
You guys should think
about getting the app.
84
00:03:01,188 --> 00:03:02,629
I am a co-founder. Full-disclosure.
85
00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:05,594
- All right, I'll see you tonight, Donna.
- Don't forget to dress sexy!
86
00:03:05,595 --> 00:03:07,986
I got to see this bitch
get into a pedicab.
87
00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:10,978
- Wow.
- Wow.
88
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,991
See you tonight!
89
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:17,284
Smelly Pussy Donna.
90
00:03:17,285 --> 00:03:20,560
I wouldn't notair my pussy out
in a pedicab.
91
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:21,974
Yeah. Me, neither.
92
00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:28,929
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
93
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,456
Dude, tonight is so cool.
94
00:03:30,457 --> 00:03:32,223
A party at MoMA? Come on!
95
00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:34,201
Yeah, I mean, I have to cancel
my catering shift,
96
00:03:34,212 --> 00:03:35,633
but MoMA's, like, so worth it.
97
00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:36,685
So worth it.
98
00:03:36,696 --> 00:03:38,260
I'm a little nervous about going alone.
99
00:03:38,271 --> 00:03:39,974
No, you'll have Smelly Pussy Donna...
100
00:03:39,975 --> 00:03:41,732
- Donna. You'll have Donna.
- I mean, I could also ask,
101
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:43,249
like, another one of my friends.
102
00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,905
Yeah!
103
00:03:44,906 --> 00:03:48,043
Like...
104
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:49,560
I could ask the...
105
00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,974
No, I...
106
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:53,491
You know what? It's cool to go alone.
107
00:03:53,492 --> 00:03:55,146
It iscool, 'cause then
I don't have to explain
108
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,995
all the art-world ins and outs
to someone. Like, it's a lot.
109
00:03:58,006 --> 00:03:59,455
You know what? I'm gonna call Kevin.
110
00:03:59,466 --> 00:04:00,735
Perfect. I'm gonna pet this dog.
111
00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,180
- Okay. Great.
- Hi!
112
00:04:02,181 --> 00:04:04,767
Hello! Hi!
113
00:04:06,595 --> 00:04:07,905
Hey! Kevin.
114
00:04:07,906 --> 00:04:09,698
- Who is this?
- It's Abbi?
115
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:13,180
So, listen, this kind of, like,
really-big-deal thing
116
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:15,075
came up tonight, art-wise,
and I was wondering
117
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:17,974
if maybe someone could cover my shift?
118
00:04:17,975 --> 00:04:19,456
Fuck!
119
00:04:19,457 --> 00:04:21,284
Tonight is already gonna
be really intense,
120
00:04:21,285 --> 00:04:23,560
and it's too late to find
someone to cover you.
121
00:04:23,561 --> 00:04:26,077
But I guess we'll just have
to make do without you.
122
00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:27,801
Yes! Okay. Thank you so much, Kevin.
123
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:30,284
- I owe you one.
- You go for it, girl.
124
00:04:30,285 --> 00:04:31,974
Okay.
125
00:04:31,975 --> 00:04:34,836
Hot and heavy over here,
Does Lincoln know?
126
00:04:34,837 --> 00:04:37,525
Well, I did have a polyamory
clause in my deal tonight,
127
00:04:37,526 --> 00:04:39,699
but now I have to add
a bestiality clause.
128
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,594
- I thought it was funny.
- Thank you.
129
00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:50,767
Happy anniversary/
renegotiation/check-in.
130
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,698
Yaas!
131
00:04:52,699 --> 00:04:55,077
All right. All right.
132
00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:57,560
Look at that wrapping.
133
00:04:57,561 --> 00:05:00,284
That's for you. That's part of it.
134
00:05:00,285 --> 00:05:02,215
- What is this?
- It is your very own
135
00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:04,249
handmade Experience Coupon Book.
136
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:05,939
Okay.
137
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,491
- "Handjob."
- Whoop!
138
00:05:07,492 --> 00:05:09,284
"Dry"?
139
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:11,422
I prefer wet.
140
00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:13,594
Picnic in the park.
141
00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,939
Blowjob, wet.
142
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,043
Zoo day.
143
00:05:18,044 --> 00:05:19,767
Anal!
144
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:22,215
This is awesome. This is a quantified,
145
00:05:22,216 --> 00:05:24,801
organized list
of the stuff we already do.
146
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:28,249
- I love it. Thank you.
- Yay!
147
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:30,215
All right. My turn.
148
00:05:30,216 --> 00:05:33,939
Okay. Okay.
149
00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,043
I mean
150
00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:52,767
I farted, and it went, like,
up my dress and up my nose,
151
00:05:52,768 --> 00:05:55,249
and then it dissipated...
152
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,318
Okay. "Jewess"? Yes!
153
00:05:57,319 --> 00:05:59,387
I saw them, and I thought of you.
154
00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:01,284
Why?
155
00:06:01,285 --> 00:06:02,491
Just kidding.
156
00:06:11,768 --> 00:06:14,870
Art.
157
00:06:14,871 --> 00:06:18,249
Asymmetrical hairstyles.
158
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,698
Unabashed confidence.
159
00:06:20,768 --> 00:06:23,629
Helicopter!
160
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,939
Abbi!
161
00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:26,836
Kevin!
162
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,491
Thank God you came after all.
163
00:06:28,492 --> 00:06:31,043
I was actually going to fire you
for bailing tonight,
164
00:06:31,044 --> 00:06:33,353
but here you are,
in your bizarrely gorgeous
165
00:06:33,354 --> 00:06:34,422
catering ware.
166
00:06:34,423 --> 00:06:35,919
Here I am!
167
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:38,262
We've got asparagus spears
that still need to be trayed up,
168
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,791
and then you can grab a tray of
riblets and start passing them.
169
00:06:40,802 --> 00:06:41,929
Did you bring your beret?
170
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,008
I-I forgot the beret.
171
00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:45,537
It's okay. Just meet me in the garden.
172
00:06:45,548 --> 00:06:47,272
I brought an extra one!
173
00:06:49,588 --> 00:06:52,897
This is our first pasta tasting,
the bucatini tartufo.
174
00:06:52,908 --> 00:06:54,390
Mushrooms were milled in Hudson,
175
00:06:54,391 --> 00:06:56,045
and they were foraged just this morning.
176
00:06:56,046 --> 00:06:57,700
Nice.
177
00:06:57,701 --> 00:07:00,010
- Gorgeous.
- One down.
178
00:07:00,011 --> 00:07:02,183
11 to go. Let's enjoy this food
179
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:03,838
before we get down to business.
180
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,873
I agree. See, we are already
wonderful at negotiating.
181
00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:09,459
Yeah.
182
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:10,873
My God.
183
00:07:10,874 --> 00:07:12,838
- God damn.
- I'm, like, literally, like,
184
00:07:12,839 --> 00:07:14,942
getting, like, buttery wet like the...
185
00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:16,838
- Yeah.
- Like the noodles.
186
00:07:16,839 --> 00:07:18,114
I would raw-dog this pasta
187
00:07:18,115 --> 00:07:20,873
even if I knew it had a disease.
188
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,148
I'm a gassy bitch.
189
00:07:22,149 --> 00:07:24,769
I eat shtinky food! Whoo!
190
00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:31,114
Garlic rosemary lamb riblets
with a mint compote?
191
00:07:33,632 --> 00:07:35,045
Ab!
192
00:07:35,046 --> 00:07:37,148
- Abbi! Hi!
- Dude, what's up?
193
00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:39,700
I'm so sorry.
194
00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,148
Hey!
195
00:07:41,149 --> 00:07:42,459
Mwah! Mwah!
196
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,700
Thanks so much for coming.
197
00:07:43,701 --> 00:07:44,873
It means so much to me.
198
00:07:44,874 --> 00:07:46,217
No, thank you for inviting me.
199
00:07:46,218 --> 00:07:47,631
- Of course.
- This is awesome.
200
00:07:47,632 --> 00:07:49,459
God.
201
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,735
What?
202
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,873
Jeffrey Sean Michael Thomas is here.
203
00:07:52,874 --> 00:07:55,942
He has nudes of me. Sick stuff.
204
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,114
Let's go play nice.
205
00:07:57,115 --> 00:07:58,321
O-Okay.
206
00:07:58,322 --> 00:07:59,666
Hello!
207
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:00,735
Ding dong!
208
00:08:00,736 --> 00:08:02,183
Let me get in here.
209
00:08:02,184 --> 00:08:04,942
- Let me get in.
- And so I said,
210
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,355
"What is this, Sotheby's?"
211
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:11,735
My God! Can I borrow your phone?
212
00:08:11,736 --> 00:08:13,562
Excuse me.
213
00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:16,838
Garlic rosemary lamb riblet
with mint compote?
214
00:08:16,839 --> 00:08:18,079
Jesus.
215
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,045
This is a spiritual experience.
216
00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:21,079
All right, Lincoln.
217
00:08:22,391 --> 00:08:23,391
Shall we?
218
00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:24,666
All right.
219
00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:33,079
As we look ahead at the upcoming year,
220
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,597
I would like to discuss the deal
points regarding sexual exploration,
221
00:08:36,598 --> 00:08:39,252
starting with the roller-coaster idea.
222
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:41,183
That's a no for me, dawg.
223
00:08:41,184 --> 00:08:42,759
Roller coasters are already scary enough
224
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,183
without me having my dick out.
225
00:08:44,184 --> 00:08:45,631
Plus, there's pictures,
226
00:08:45,632 --> 00:08:47,597
and they project the pictures
at the end.
227
00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:48,804
Nobody should see that.
228
00:08:48,805 --> 00:08:51,217
I just think it would be thrilling.
229
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:53,390
I can give you Ferris wheel.
230
00:08:53,391 --> 00:08:55,597
Deal! I like that better, actually.
231
00:08:55,598 --> 00:08:57,010
Up-and-down-vibes.
232
00:08:57,011 --> 00:09:00,223
I'd like to bring up the item
of rom-coms.
233
00:09:00,234 --> 00:09:02,279
Don't know where we're
gonna get on this, Lincoln.
234
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,666
I want to watch four rom-coms a year.
235
00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:07,907
I object because they are
offensive to women.
236
00:09:07,908 --> 00:09:09,528
That is subjective.
237
00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:11,838
I gotta push back,
and I'll give you two.
238
00:09:11,839 --> 00:09:14,631
Three. No laughing at them.
239
00:09:14,632 --> 00:09:16,942
Only laughing withthem.
240
00:09:16,943 --> 00:09:18,631
Give you two laughing at them,
241
00:09:18,632 --> 00:09:22,252
and one laughing with them.
242
00:09:22,253 --> 00:09:23,838
Deal.
243
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,148
Can I approach the bench?
244
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:27,493
Yes, you can.
245
00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:37,114
Hi-i-i-i!
246
00:09:37,115 --> 00:09:38,597
- Hey.
- How are you?
247
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:39,942
- Good.
- You smell good.
248
00:09:39,943 --> 00:09:41,286
Thank you.
249
00:09:41,287 --> 00:09:44,010
Hopper went to MICA, as well!
250
00:09:44,011 --> 00:09:46,321
Dope! So, Hopper, what do you do now?
251
00:09:46,322 --> 00:09:49,010
I work at a gallery uptown part-time,
252
00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:51,493
and I paint in my studio
as much as I can.
253
00:09:51,494 --> 00:09:53,907
I teach occasionally at Hunter
undergrad as a sub.
254
00:09:53,908 --> 00:09:55,321
I heard you had the best time
255
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:57,355
at that residency program out West.
256
00:09:57,356 --> 00:09:59,355
- How was it?
- Yeah, it was great.
257
00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:02,459
It was a nice mix of studio time
and teaching.
258
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,424
- It was really nice.
- Beautiful.
259
00:10:04,425 --> 00:10:06,321
Wow. That sounds better
260
00:10:06,322 --> 00:10:09,942
than... anything I've done
in the past eight years.
261
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,976
I'm sure that's not true.
262
00:10:11,977 --> 00:10:13,744
No, it is.
263
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:15,564
You know what?
I'm gonna send you some links
264
00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:17,631
- to some programs, okay?
- Awesome, yeah.
265
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:20,976
And also, you are going
to mingle tonight, believe me.
266
00:10:20,977 --> 00:10:22,886
- Okay, I will. Yeah.
- Okay, you know who I'd like
267
00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:25,252
to mingle with, though?
Those canap�s right behind you.
268
00:10:25,253 --> 00:10:27,769
- Sir? Excuse me. The food?
- My God.
269
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,942
- Hi.
- I-I'm gonna tie my shoe!
270
00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:32,700
- Describe!
- Okay.
271
00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:35,631
Salmon and cucumber twist
with a dollop of cr�me fra�che.
272
00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:36,666
- Okay.
- And our salmon
273
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,424
is cured with beetroot.
274
00:10:38,425 --> 00:10:40,769
If I start choking, do not resuscitate.
275
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,148
This is how I want to go.
276
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:45,631
Hysterical.
277
00:10:45,632 --> 00:10:47,804
Okay.
278
00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:52,286
My laces get tangled.
279
00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:54,355
Food! You know what? I'm gonna go...
280
00:10:54,356 --> 00:10:57,045
I'm gonna go find them.
'Cause that looks so good.
281
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:59,735
I'm gonna go get me some of that.
282
00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:01,010
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
283
00:11:01,011 --> 00:11:02,562
My God. Shit.
284
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:04,597
Such a character.
285
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:07,390
Do you have any coke...
286
00:11:07,391 --> 00:11:09,528
I've always known
how to clear out a room.
287
00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:12,136
Okay, moving on with the proceedings.
288
00:11:12,147 --> 00:11:13,774
I would like to look
at the next article,
289
00:11:13,785 --> 00:11:17,493
which is a suspension
period in monogamy.
290
00:11:17,494 --> 00:11:20,045
If we are gonna do this
for another beautiful year,
291
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:25,804
I would like to make out with five...
292
00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:27,217
ty... "fivety" people.
293
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:28,252
50 people.
294
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:29,528
Ilana.
295
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,873
Two.
296
00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:32,976
And I have to know about them.
297
00:11:32,977 --> 00:11:35,976
Okay! Dope!
298
00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,528
I mean deal.
299
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,355
Communication is dope.
300
00:11:40,356 --> 00:11:43,217
On the long-term front,
301
00:11:43,218 --> 00:11:45,700
I would like to bring up an issue
302
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:49,183
with the state of Maryland.
303
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:52,425
I think I'd like to move there.
304
00:11:55,046 --> 00:11:57,735
You just want to up and move
305
00:11:57,736 --> 00:11:59,493
to middle-of-nowhere Maryland?
306
00:11:59,494 --> 00:12:01,252
Well, I'm from there,
307
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:03,079
so my whole family would be there.
308
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,735
My brother's a dentist, also,
309
00:12:04,736 --> 00:12:06,769
and we've always wanted
to start our own practice,
310
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:08,217
"The Tooth Factory."
311
00:12:08,218 --> 00:12:12,390
And there's lots of great schools there.
312
00:12:12,391 --> 00:12:14,079
Schools? So, w-w-what,
313
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,286
like, cars drive around them
slower, and it's safer to walk?
314
00:12:17,287 --> 00:12:19,459
No. Schools are...
315
00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:22,873
for the children that I father
316
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,460
to attend.
317
00:12:30,908 --> 00:12:33,942
Are we... Are we still
discussing thisyear?
318
00:12:33,943 --> 00:12:36,286
I don't really remember
reviewing this for my notes.
319
00:12:36,287 --> 00:12:39,286
Well, I guess while looking
at this year's points,
320
00:12:39,287 --> 00:12:42,700
I looked ahead at next year
and the year after that.
321
00:12:42,701 --> 00:12:44,114
Is this about the rom-coms?
322
00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:46,562
'Cause I'll watch one
every weekend, you know?
323
00:12:46,563 --> 00:12:48,183
And I'll just rip a bong
324
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,838
and laugh really sincerely,
and I'll learn to love them.
325
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:53,045
No, it's just that,
I want to buy a house.
326
00:12:53,046 --> 00:12:54,666
I've been looking on Zillow.
327
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:57,217
Houses aren't even
that expensive in Maryland.
328
00:12:57,218 --> 00:13:00,148
And I want to have kids,
329
00:13:00,149 --> 00:13:01,873
and I want to get married.
330
00:13:01,874 --> 00:13:03,528
Lincoln, I'm only 27.
331
00:13:03,529 --> 00:13:05,183
What am I, a child bride?
332
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,493
You know, I don't know
that I never want it.
333
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,631
I just definitely
don't want it right now.
334
00:13:09,632 --> 00:13:11,631
I could commit to a kid
335
00:13:11,632 --> 00:13:14,943
when I'm like... 43.
336
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,597
Lincoln, I just figured out
that I want to go back to school
337
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:23,183
and focus on my wizness.
338
00:13:23,184 --> 00:13:26,217
I'm on a New York City timeline.
339
00:13:26,218 --> 00:13:28,286
Do you ever think
you'd change your mind?
340
00:13:34,149 --> 00:13:36,597
At this point,
341
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,736
I can't move on this.
342
00:13:41,494 --> 00:13:45,114
I have no counter.
343
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:52,183
I have no counter.
344
00:13:52,184 --> 00:13:56,356
Well, these points are
non-negotiable for me.
345
00:14:48,356 --> 00:14:51,079
Riblets!
346
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,010
Riblets. Am I right?
347
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,459
God. Watch it!
348
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,942
S... I am sorry.
349
00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:16,666
Shit!
350
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,010
I'm so sorry!
351
00:15:18,011 --> 00:15:19,838
- Abbi!
- Abbi?!
352
00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:21,942
- My God.
- I'm so sorry.
353
00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:24,355
I'm so sorry. We were short caterers,
354
00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:27,010
and Abbi's never really been
talented with the tray, so...
355
00:15:27,011 --> 00:15:29,459
I'm so sorry. Actually,
Abbi's an up-and-coming artist
356
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,424
and my personal guest, not a caterer.
357
00:15:31,425 --> 00:15:34,321
Yes, she is.
358
00:15:34,322 --> 00:15:38,631
So, I-I'm... I-I'm actually catering,
359
00:15:38,632 --> 00:15:42,666
but I am... am also a-a guest.
360
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,804
Okay, Ab, We're gonna need you
361
00:15:44,805 --> 00:15:47,700
to start loading some dirties
into a van, so...
362
00:15:47,701 --> 00:15:49,321
Totally. I will do that.
363
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:51,079
- Liars aren't cool.
- No, I-I kn...
364
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,551
I don't think they're cool, either.
365
00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:55,518
You know what?
I have to go find some canap�s,
366
00:15:55,529 --> 00:15:57,448
- clear my mind.
- Donna, I can get you canap�s.
367
00:15:57,459 --> 00:15:59,700
I can... I can g...
I have access to all of them.
368
00:16:02,391 --> 00:16:04,966
Don't worry about her.
She can get her own canap�s.
369
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:07,700
It's not that bad!
I don't even like this dress.
370
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,873
It's too yellow.
371
00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:11,252
I am so sorry.
372
00:16:11,253 --> 00:16:14,838
This is not how
this was supposed to go down.
373
00:16:14,839 --> 00:16:17,045
I was so excited to be here
tonight as a guest
374
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:19,873
with all these cool art people.
375
00:16:19,874 --> 00:16:23,183
I mean, I'm actually an artist, too.
376
00:16:23,184 --> 00:16:26,233
I'm just not, like, a... a real one.
377
00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:27,735
Well, you might not want to say that.
378
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,079
But it's smart to have
a flexible service job
379
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,873
so that you can make art.
380
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:33,769
I waited tables for years.
381
00:16:33,770 --> 00:16:36,010
And I spilled on lots of people.
382
00:16:36,011 --> 00:16:37,976
In fact, half my pieces are inspired
383
00:16:37,977 --> 00:16:40,390
by people I've spilled on.
384
00:16:40,391 --> 00:16:42,390
Well, what are your pieces like?
385
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:43,804
You might know my work.
386
00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:45,700
I'm Toy Harris.
387
00:16:50,563 --> 00:16:53,390
You're T... You're Toy Harris?
388
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,907
Holy shit, dude.
389
00:16:57,908 --> 00:16:59,666
- My God.
- You're Toy Harris?
390
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,631
- Yeah.
- You're the third floor.
391
00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:04,252
It took us years of protesting,
but we're here.
392
00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:05,286
- I cannot bel...
- It's okay.
393
00:17:05,287 --> 00:17:06,666
You... You... I c...
394
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,047
So, you want to just... you know.
395
00:17:09,058 --> 00:17:11,114
I can't believe I spill...
I spilled on Toy Harris.
396
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,045
I spilled on Toy Harris!
397
00:17:13,046 --> 00:17:14,942
- Okay.
- I am getting dizzy!
398
00:17:14,943 --> 00:17:16,424
- This is insane!
- All right, then.
399
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:17,459
Good night.
400
00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:20,037
My God. Okay.
401
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:25,011
This is not her night.
402
00:17:25,917 --> 00:17:27,399
Bah!
403
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,088
Bee!
404
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,330
Hee-hee-hoo!
405
00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:32,157
What do they do? Hoo-hoo-hee!
406
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:35,399
Put your head out of the window
now for fresh air!
407
00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:39,847
Ay! Zy-yo-wah!
408
00:17:39,848 --> 00:17:42,054
Please keep your head
out of the window, okay?
409
00:17:42,055 --> 00:17:43,813
You keep your head
out of the window t...
410
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:48,088
You keep your head out, too.
411
00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:51,469
Jesus Christ!
412
00:17:54,124 --> 00:17:56,675
Your blood pressure's low.
413
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:00,399
You probably fainted from low
blood sugar and dehydration.
414
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,054
Your girlfriend said
you narrowly missed fainting
415
00:18:03,055 --> 00:18:06,709
into something dangerous...
a sculpture, I think?
416
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,330
Wait, is Ilana here?
417
00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:10,675
No, she's not my girlfriend.
People do talk, though.
418
00:18:10,676 --> 00:18:12,571
No, Donna?
419
00:18:12,572 --> 00:18:13,916
The woman who brought you in.
420
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,571
Yeah, yeah, Smelly Pussy Do... Donna.
421
00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:18,813
No, Donna's just my friend.
422
00:18:18,814 --> 00:18:22,019
No, I-I don't have a, boyfriend or...
423
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:23,985
ora-a girlfriend.
424
00:18:23,986 --> 00:18:27,364
That's... surprising.
425
00:18:27,365 --> 00:18:30,123
You just seem like you would.
426
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,950
Thanks.
427
00:18:32,951 --> 00:18:34,916
No, you, too. You see... I mean,
428
00:18:34,917 --> 00:18:37,157
obviously, you have one...
You do. You're a doctor,
429
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:40,640
- so of cour...
- I don't.
430
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:42,537
Cool.
431
00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,192
Fart away, man.
432
00:18:51,055 --> 00:18:53,298
God, I'm full.
433
00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:58,537
You know, while I was,
breaking your toilet,
434
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:02,261
I had a lot of time to think, and...
435
00:19:02,262 --> 00:19:04,330
I'm meant to be a polyamorous queen.
436
00:19:04,331 --> 00:19:05,744
I understand.
437
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,468
You got too much love
for just one person.
438
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:11,192
You are so special.
439
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,261
Such a heart on you.
440
00:19:13,262 --> 00:19:16,054
You're gonna be
an amazing dad and husband.
441
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,468
And you should have those things
if you want them.
442
00:19:18,469 --> 00:19:21,088
I just don't know that I do right now.
443
00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:23,088
You'll figure it out when it's right.
444
00:19:23,089 --> 00:19:25,364
Do you think I'll figure it out
like you,
445
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,192
by the time I'm 40?
446
00:19:27,193 --> 00:19:28,745
I'm 32.
447
00:19:30,745 --> 00:19:32,882
You know, that coupon book
never expires.
448
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,537
Yeah?
449
00:19:34,538 --> 00:19:36,813
So say you have kids,
and you have a wife,
450
00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:40,364
and you guys are, like,
doin' the suburban grind,
451
00:19:40,365 --> 00:19:41,950
I will fly in.
452
00:19:41,951 --> 00:19:43,571
I'll hold on to it.
453
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,916
- What?
- Is it insane
454
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,261
that I'm still hungry?
455
00:19:50,262 --> 00:19:52,399
Nope, not at all.
456
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,123
And that's why I brought
the cake in here.
457
00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:04,524
That is a good friend.
458
00:20:05,779 --> 00:20:07,192
Wow.
459
00:20:07,193 --> 00:20:08,353
Yep.
460
00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:17,399
Okay. So, this is for glucose tablets.
461
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,640
- Okay.
- Not a bad idea
462
00:20:18,641 --> 00:20:20,399
to carry them with you just in case.
463
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,054
And if you're still
feeling weak tomorrow,
464
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,154
I'd make an appointment
with your regular doctor,
465
00:20:24,165 --> 00:20:26,744
but you look great to me.
466
00:20:26,745 --> 00:20:28,950
Okay.
467
00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:30,950
So, is that... That's it?
468
00:20:30,951 --> 00:20:35,088
Unless there's something
else I can do for you.
469
00:20:35,089 --> 00:20:38,054
N... I-I don't think so.
470
00:20:38,055 --> 00:20:40,571
Okay. Well...
471
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,192
it was nice to meet you, Abbi.
472
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:44,433
Yeah, it was nice to meet you,
too, Dr. Marnel.
473
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:47,882
You know, since we're done,
why don't you call me Leslie?
474
00:20:47,883 --> 00:20:49,606
Okay.
475
00:20:49,607 --> 00:20:51,365
Leslie.
476
00:21:12,986 --> 00:21:14,606
- Hey, Leslie.
- Yes?
477
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,399
I was just thinking,
would it be illegal or whatever
478
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,675
if I...
479
00:21:19,676 --> 00:21:22,744
if I got your phone number?
480
00:21:22,755 --> 00:21:24,479
It would not be illegal.
481
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,338
So, even though it was
a conscious uncoupling,
482
00:21:28,339 --> 00:21:30,614
and we will stay friends,
483
00:21:30,615 --> 00:21:33,993
it was, devastating
484
00:21:33,994 --> 00:21:36,545
and tragically bittersweet
485
00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:39,649
and fully broke my heart.
486
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:41,511
Obviously, you had a shitty night, too.
487
00:21:41,512 --> 00:21:43,890
I mean, look at you. You know,
let's never be apart again.
488
00:21:43,891 --> 00:21:45,856
And I'm just praying
that your nose returns
489
00:21:45,857 --> 00:21:47,821
to its beautiful goyish shape.
490
00:21:47,822 --> 00:21:50,304
Okay, so, my night
was, like, kind of nuts.
491
00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:51,821
It started off pretty bad,
492
00:21:51,822 --> 00:21:53,959
you know...
typical failure after failure.
493
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,304
But then I realized, like,
I need to put myself out there
494
00:21:56,305 --> 00:21:59,097
alone, to meet all these,
like, rad art contacts.
495
00:21:59,098 --> 00:22:02,304
- Right?
- Dude, I met Toy Harris.
496
00:22:02,305 --> 00:22:04,890
Whoa! Who is that, though?
497
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,614
Yeah. She's, like,
this incredible artist.
498
00:22:06,615 --> 00:22:08,169
And Smelly Pussy Donna was dope.
499
00:22:08,180 --> 00:22:09,924
She, like, introduced me
to all these people
500
00:22:09,935 --> 00:22:12,718
who told me about all these
artist residencies.
501
00:22:12,719 --> 00:22:15,097
She's kind of like my... friend.
502
00:22:15,098 --> 00:22:16,787
Totally! Right?
503
00:22:16,788 --> 00:22:19,476
Yeah. And then, at the E.R.,
504
00:22:19,477 --> 00:22:21,097
you know, after I smashed my face,
505
00:22:21,098 --> 00:22:23,304
- there was this hot doctor.
- Okay!
506
00:22:23,305 --> 00:22:26,097
And we, like, really hit it off.
507
00:22:26,098 --> 00:22:27,580
And then I realized the only reason
508
00:22:27,581 --> 00:22:30,097
I wasn't automatically asking them out
509
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:31,683
was because she was a woman.
510
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,614
You don't say.
511
00:22:33,615 --> 00:22:36,097
Yeah. So then I just did it.
512
00:22:36,098 --> 00:22:38,649
We're gonna go out on Friday night. Yes!
513
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:41,545
It was really
a transformative night, dude.
514
00:22:41,546 --> 00:22:43,580
So cool. Yes!
515
00:22:43,581 --> 00:22:45,580
Yes! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
516
00:22:45,581 --> 00:22:48,097
Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
Cool! Cool! C-C-Cool!
517
00:22:48,098 --> 00:22:50,373
Cool. That is so... cool.
518
00:22:50,374 --> 00:22:53,614
We just both had these sort of
life-altering nights
519
00:22:53,615 --> 00:22:56,028
out there on our own. Yes!
520
00:22:56,029 --> 00:22:57,856
Yeah.
521
00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:06,821
So, let's watch this thing?
522
00:23:06,822 --> 00:23:08,821
Yeah. Found it.
523
00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:12,614
Hello. My name is Donna Donatachi.
524
00:23:12,615 --> 00:23:16,373
Back in college, they used
to call me Smelly Pussy Donna.
525
00:23:16,374 --> 00:23:18,545
Well, not anymore!
526
00:23:21,477 --> 00:23:24,684
Read my lips... Yo-gurt!
527
00:23:25,523 --> 00:23:28,484
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
528
00:23:29,789 --> 00:23:31,684
My nipples are hard.
529
00:23:31,685 --> 00:23:34,271
Yeah, my balls tinglin' from this.
530
00:23:34,272 --> 00:23:36,581
- Wow.
- Yeah.
531
00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:38,305
As a man, we're usually
532
00:23:38,306 --> 00:23:40,512
not capable of multiple orgasms, but...
533
00:23:41,789 --> 00:23:44,341
this makes that false.
37316
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