All language subtitles for The Great Indoors s01e07 emma.e

BROOKE: Welcome, everybody.

So, our best outdoor gear issue
goes live in two days,

so let's start the meeting...

Uh, Brooke, if I may go first...
no one's here.

What do you mean?
Mason's over there at the 3D printer.

I'm making a pair of... hiking boots.

For our gear issue.

Definitely not homemade Yeezys.

And to think the designers of that
machine intended for it to make

stupid stuff,
like heart valves for veterans.

Damn it, I made two lefts.

I'm here too, Jack.

Oh, yeah, so Clark is video
chatting live from the zoo,

where he's finishing
his article on the panda mating.

Clark, what's it like at the zoo?

There must be
a slight delay on the feed.

Mmm.

Um, Clark, tell us about
the panda mating.

Oh, it is so hot.
I am all wet over here.

Uh, I think and hope to God

he was answering your first question.

Yeah.

Clark, have you met Susan,
the zoo's publicist?

She refuses to have sex,

even when she is pinned down
and mounted.

Clark, is the female panda
going to have sex or not?

Probably not for a while,

there's a line of dudes in front of me.

Uh, yeah, I think he's talking
about the publicist.

Um, um, Clark, would you know
Susan if you saw her?

Definitely.

She is crazy aroused and rubbing
herself on a log as we speak.

- Mute it! Mute it! Mute it!
- Oh, dear Lord, yes.

Okay, then where's Emma?

Not that I could tell you
what she does here

other than tweet and show up late

reeking of tequila and Pedialyte.

She does a lot more than tweet, okay?

As our social influencer,
she brings readers to the site,

she finds advertisers,
she manages our social media.

JACK: And here she is,

doing exactly the things

I described and none of
the things you just made up.

Jack, I know how
to manage these kids, okay?

And trust me, Emma will do her best work

if we just let her do her thing.

Yeah, okay, we need
to have a chat with her.

Oh, look, there's Clark on location.

Clark, can you hear me?

How's the panda mating going?

Um, was it Brooke's idea for you
to do this via video chat?

Yep, she is sex crazy.

I mean, she did not want to do
it when the camera's around,

but now that animal
does not care who watches.

There must be something wrong
with the feed

because that does not sound
like my daughter.

Oh, no, it was her all right.

She's been begging me to show
her this piece for a long time.

Ah, Emma, take a seat.

How are you?

Uh, hung over
and on the wrong side of 25.

But I'm about to feel a lot better.

(clicks tongue)

It says 15%.

Are these the odds of you staying awake

during the meeting?

We're negotiating my raise.

I'm getting a promotion... durr.

Hmm, don't you "durr" me, missy.

I invented "durr."

Emma, I understand
unconventional work styles.

Sometimes I kick
my shoes off under my desk.

- But you...
- Look, you show up late

and you're always on your phone.

And five minutes ago
you were asleep at your desk.

Or maybe you were shutting
your eyes so you could visualize

all the great work
you're going to do today.

No, I was straight up sleeping.

(chuckles)

Listen, Emma, we all have our thing.

Sometimes during work hours,
I read the news on my phone.

You'd always sleep too
if you were out till 3:00 a.m.

wining and dining gear sponsors.

Wow!

What a clever way to say you
went out with your friends

and got drunk on the company's dime.

But you are not drunk anymore,
and that is the important thing.

- I'm still a little drunk.
- Damn it, woman,

I am trying to help you here.

You hired me to be me.

So why am I in trouble for being myself?

My stats are savage.

I have tens of thousands of followers,

and they all read Outdoor Limits
because of me and my personal brand.

@emma is low-key booming.

What the hell is @emma?

I knew you'd ask: my brand sizzle reel.

Witness.

(thundering percussion music playing)

Why do all your presentations end
with that black kid holding a feather?

I knew you'd ask. Witness...

- Oh, no please!
- Don't show it! Don't show it again!

Look, Emma, you are
smart and resourceful

and maybe starting your own religion,

but you need to start taking
work more seriously.

You're better than this.

- So I'm not getting a promotion?
- JACK: No!

You're getting a warning.

Look, Emma, you are not
irreplaceable, so shape up.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, come on, Jack. You need to give
these kids more credit.

I just printed a printer.

And then I'm going to print
another printer.

And then that printer
will print another printer.

(elevator dings)

Hey, Esther, how you doing?

It turns out I'm not allergic to wool.

It's the sheep's saliva!

Okeydokey!

Well,

everybody's here,
so it can't be a meeting.

Emma quit, Jack.

"Big news, fam.

"I'm officially working Scroll_Daily.

@OutdoorLimitsMag BoyBye."

You drove away the best thing
that never happened to me.

Hold me back.

Hold me back.

(eagle screeches)

(phone ringing)

I can't believe Emma left
without saying goodbye.

Just like my mom's ex, Matteo.

I guess calling him "Papa"
after their third date

was just a little to soon for him.

It's always sad when
a member of the team departs.

Except Vince.

Vince was a turd.

We all miss Emma, but it's
not our fault that she bailed

when she didn't get the raise
that she didn't earn.

God forbid a millennial work
more than eight hours.

BOTH: You're extending our work hours?

Look, Jack, Emma was in charge
of sponsored content

for the entire gear issue.

Without her driving traffic
to the site, we'll lose money.

Brooke, relax, we'll be fine.

Heidi Klum and Seal here
could do Emma's job.

Sorry, Jack,
but between the gear reviews

and the panda mating story,
we're slammed.

Just like that panda was.

- Nice!
- Nice!

Look, since Emma's "BoyBye" tweet,

we've lost nearly all of her followers,

and our page views are plummeting.

Fine, I'll do Emma's job.

- Problem solved.
- And I'll help you.

Can't wait to get
my-my sleeves rolled up

and down into the...

updating the sub-read it?

Reddit.

JACK: All we need is a quick tutorial

from Crockett and Tubbs here.

I'll take Instagram, you take Twitter.

All we're missing is her vocal fry.

(with vocal fry): Oh, Roland,
you're so old. I can't even.

(with vocal fry): Oh, Jack,
literally, how dare you?

BOTH (vocal fry): Ahhhhh.

Instagram is easy, Jack.

All right, let's try this again.

What do you think your username is?

Wait, my username is different
from my email address, right?

(sighs)

(patronizing):
Do you think they're the same?

Do you think one punch from me
could collapse your lung?

Because I think it would.

Look, Mason, my first-ever tweet.

Roland, I told you you're only
allowed 140 characters.

Oh, no, there's only two
characters... a salty sea captain

and the mermaid who let him believe.

There's a lot of different
filters to choose from.

The Clark on the left... happy vibes.

He just came home from apple picking.

But the Clark on the right...
oh, no, he's a bad boy.

He's from the wrong side of the tracks.

What the hell are you talking about?
There's no difference.

What do you mean? It's easy.

- You know what? Your mom's easy.
- (shocked gasp)

I got this. Roland, come on!

Okay, let's see what's next on
Emma's extensive task sheet.

"Post pic of camping lamp."

Oh, man, how am I gonna...

- (phone camera clicks)
- ...done.

Uh, I want a raise.

I'm going to say,
this tweeting is ridiculously easy.

You know, in my day,
sending a quick memo

was quite a lengthy process,
let me tell you.

You had to call in the secretary,

you had to dictate to the secretary.

You slept with the secretary.

You got blackmailed by the secretary.

You had to buy a two-bedroom
hush condo for the secretary.

I hate to criticize my hero,

but Jack's Instagram game
is hot garbage.

I mean, look, he just wrote out
the words "hashtag lamp"...

oh, and he misspelled the word "lamp."

MASON: Oh, my God.

And check it out... Roland confused
Google and Twitter again.

"Who was the third Batman?"

"Was Bruce Willis ever Batman?"

CLARK: "Who was the best Batman?"

"Dame Judy Dench bikini."

Can you imagine what Emma
would say about all this?

(chuckles) She'd be all like, "Durr."

(both laughing)

BOTH: I miss her.

And then your secretary
turns up 18 years later

at your door with a strapping
young man who does look

remarkably like one, and then...

well, I suppose my point
is sending a memo

- used to be much harder.
- Yeah.

Hey, Regis and Kathie Lee.

We just crushed Emma's to-do list.

We're going to go
celebrate with a drink.

Roland, shall we?

Yes, I'm just going to Google
something quickly.

Mm-hmm. "Private mode...

Maggie Smith bikini."

(glasses clink)

Since you guys are now
social influencers,

mind helping me come up
with a new theme for my bar?

What's wrong with,
"No one will find me here"?

My Yelp rating has really gotten killed

since that thumb made
a cameo in my chili fries.

Oh, as if we haven't all
eaten part of a person before.

My only option is to rebrand.

So I'm thinking...

Magic!

You know, I dabble in magic. (gasps)

Hey, what's that behind your ear?

Bankruptcy.

- Nice!
- Nice!

Just pick a card.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm trying something new.

Why is everyone ganging up
on Eddie today?

I'm talking about these two.

What are you doing in a bar when you
said you'd take care of Emma's work?

Relax, we totally covered
Emma's daily deliverables.

Oh, no, that was her list
of hourly deliverables.

Do these sound like
sponsored tweets to you?

"'Blinded by the Light' lyrics."

"Angela Lansbury hot."

Did you confuse Google
and Twitter again?

Hoo boy.

Look... Jack, we're up against
a deadline here.

We promised 40,000 click-
throughs to Kirkwood Lamps

and all you did was post
a blurry picture of something

I really hope was a finger.

Hoo boy.

We are in serious danger
of losing a sponsor here.

You clearly can't do Emma's job,

so you better find someone who can.

(makes "pfft" sound with lips)

(coughs)

That was my card!

Welcome to Abraca-Eddie's!

We need 40,000 click-throughs.

I'm up to 300.

How about you?

I don't know.

My phone won't turn on.

We have to find a replacement for Emma.

Do you think I could buy one
at Urban Outfitters?

If it helps, my niece Maybelle graduated

top of her class from business school.

She's professional as hell
and huge on social media.

Well, why isn't she helping you
here then?

Because she thinks magic is dumb.

So, she's a genius.

I don't care how it happened, Sebastian,

you just get it done, you hear me?

Send text.

Oh, my God, did they hire
an evil Brooke?

This must be Clark and Mason.

Guys, I'm going to need
more content to promote.

We have a Dropbox full of content.

MAYBELLE: Which I went through by 7:30.

Then I printed a right-foot Yeezy.

Oh...

Girl, this is a hiking boot.

JACK: Brooke,

you told me to replace Emma
and Maybelle is the best...

Wharton School,
quarter of a million followers,

and when she talks about
the dumb stuff we do,

(whispering): it doesn't sound dumb.

Rest assured, by end of day today,

I will leverage our core capabilities
to optimize page views.

Outdoor Limits will have
more followers than ever.

I also brought in homemade cookies,

and, yes, I will judge you
if you eat them.

See, Brooke?
That's how you manage an office.

My hire, your hires.

Yes, all right, I will admit
she's more professional,

but those are some pretty big promises.

I know this is a lot to process,

so let me put it in terms
you can understand.

Then sort of a high whistle,
followed by a scream,

and then a wet thud.

And there you go, that's how you
know the panda reached completion.

Oh, Emma, it's not the same without you.

CLARK: Yeah, I miss your
sarcasm, your monotone voice,

how you take off Jewish holidays
even though, I mean, come on.

I miss you guys too,
but it's amazing at Scroll.

I got a title bump and a raise.

Wow, that sounds so cool.

Plus, I don't have a boss
like Jack pestering me

to "become a better writer" and
to "watch the original RoboCop."

So, what do they have you doing?

All sorts of dope stuff that
Jack would never let us do.

I just compiled a list
of their best lists.

Oh, yeah, I read the top ten
top eight lists.

It was dope.

Yeah, I think it's one of
our best best lists lists.

Sucks you're not with us,

but seems like you really
like it at Scroll.

I love it at Scroll.

(Clears throat)

Uh, Eddie, I ordered a hot dog.

Check your hood.

Ohh!

Whoa!

Abraca-Eddie's.

MASON: Hate to admit it, but
Maybelle's crushing it.

Our followers and page views
are through the roof.

I know this is
out of character for me to say,

but I wanted to tell you all
as a team: I did a great job.

So you've seen the numbers,

and I'm sure you're very pleased
with yourselves.

Yes, you'll have to admit
Maybelle delivered the goods.

Oh, yeah, she delivered
the goods all right.

And now we're losing our sponsors.

Would you like to see what she did?

Oh!

Oh, like you don't get naked in a tent.

Oh, like you don't get naked
at a public climbing wall.

Oh, like you don't defrost
your nipples with...

okay, I can't defend that.

I've ruined the magazine. Help.

I thought you said
she went to business school.

JACK: She did, and now I can
take a pretty good guess

how she paid off her student loans.

Yeah, she clearly assessed the market

and found a very effective
outreach strategy.

Yep, one that involves her butt!

- Nice!
- Nice!

Look, REI, North Face,

and even Gerry's Frisbees
have pulled out.

In fact, Gerry himself
emailed me and said,

"Nobody catches a frisbee like that."

Yes, but our Maybelle doesn't play
by other people's rules, does she?

Yeah, so my hire works, your hire...

twerks.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

Emma's not coming back.

I don't know, I think she might.

Clark, she said she loves her job.

Guys, I have studied Emma.

Like, I have really studied Emma.

- What?
- No, it's not creepy.

I just, like, watch her a lot.

Like all the time
when she's not aware of it.

Don't make it weird.

Anyways,

when we were hanging at Abraca-Eddie's,

I got the vibe that she's not as
happy at Scroll as she said she is.

Well, I hope you're right.

Brooke, Roland, let's go
convince Emma to come back.

And file a restraining order
against Clark.

- Yeah.
- We'll go with you.

No, no, no. You guys clear all
this off and then call Instagram

and have them destroy all the negatives.

Jack, that's not how Instagram works.

(yelling): All the negatives!

(elevator dings)

Ah, don't worry, my dears.

We'll soon get Emma back
once I've spoken

to the head of this company,
mogul to mogul.

And if she signed a contract,
I shall simply ask,

"How much for the girl?"

Perfect. Don't change a word.

Oh, my God.

It's like someone
fed our office after midnight.

Uh, you, Miss...

...ter.

Um, where's your CEO?

We don't have a hierarchal
management structure here.

Oh, good Lord.

Well-well, who has the biggest car?

That would be Colin.
He started the company.

Take a right at the
non-gender-specific bathroom

past the meditation den.

If you hit the Twizzler bar, just don't.

Uh, hello.

Hi, do you know where Emma sits?

- Who?
- Emma.

Social influencer.
She started this week.

Sir, I have neither the time
nor the patience

for your mansplaining.

(Chuckles) Look, I get it.

Can I just say hi
to your really cute dog?

Oh, my gosh, he's so cute.

Find Emma or I will feed him
affordable dog food.

Monster.

(loudspeaker beeps)

WOMAN (over loudspeaker):
The 5:30 tumbling class is now starting

in the body awareness space.

How are they our competitor?
No one does any work.

(Scoffs) Competitor?

Scroll is one of the biggest
online publications out there.

We're not even
in the same league as them.

I guess the modern workplace has changed

and transformed into
a Swedish Dave & Buster's.

Everything has changed.

Do you know that we do 60% of
our recruitment in skate parks?

- That's terrifying.
- (Sighs)

Maybe you do know what you're doing.

So, here, have a dog.

Your Emma will be right out.

And I'm taking Jonathan.

What are you guys doing here?

They just pulled me out of
conflict resolution karaoke.

Emma, over the last couple days

I have learned how good
you are at your job.

And how hard it is.

Yeah, he learned that
by hiring an Insta-ho.

Oh, I saw.

That ass, though.

That ass, though.

Emma, I'm out of apology pugs,

but I still want to say I'm sorry.

- Please come back.
- (Sighs)

BROOKE: Though, unfortunately
we can't offer you a raise yet,

but we can once you've been here a year.

I don't know.

Will you still be a hard-ass
who pushes me to do better?

Let me tell you what I tell all women:

I don't think I can change.

Okay, let's go home.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Making dumb lists all day

helped me realize my
top three favorite things

about Outdoor Limits:

doing something I care about,

that IT guy who looks
like Whoopi Goldberg,

and you guys, my fam.

- Aww!
- Aww!

(Chuckles)

- (quietly): "Fam" means "family," right?
- Yeah.

Oh, Emma, that's good.

Well, I never did find Colin,
but I found the Twizzler bar.

And I had this dragon
painted on my face.

Look! So...

JACK: Let's go, guys.
Traffic is terrible.

All their moms are circling in minivans.

Oh, and @emma,

one more thing.

(gasps)

You get it.

I don't get it.

At all.

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