All language subtitles for Shameless.US.S09E12.WEBRip.x264-ION10

For those of you
who were too fuckin' busy,

here's what happened
last week on Shameless.

♪ rock music ♪

Fuck it.

♪♪♪

Aye, aye, matey.

Popcorn shrimp.
Fuck.

You ever worked
on the line, Carl?

- In the kitchen?
- Grab an apron.

♪♪♪

Girls' day.

[Debbie] It's a date.

[Kelly screams, laughs]

[Carl] Yo, that's my sister
and my girlfriend.

Which one's your sister?

Uh, she's macking
on your girl, huh?

I'ma head upstairs
right now.

I'd really like
if you came with me.

No way.
She needs to see how it ends.

♪♪♪

I know how it ends.

- [squeals]
- ...unless there's something

you're not telling me.

Agh! Fine!
I didn't get a vasectomy.

I pretended to.

I'll reschedule the vasectomy
right now.

[Ingrid] Your father
is gonna be the new

Hobo Loco beverage
spokesperson.

Soon I'll be able
to support those I love.

Little Frank-ettes.

Frank'll be committed
to my six babies, right?

Not a chance.

Frank, something's wrong.

- I'm in pain.
- What do you mean?

I am miscarrying.

Will you come with me,
or will you stay?

[Frank] I will be back.
I love you.

[Ingrid]
I didn't miscarry.

I was testing you
to see if you gave a shit.

Good-bye, Frank.

[Frank]
Make it out to cash.

[Margo]
You smell like booze.

- You're fired.
- What?

Do you want to stay
with me here?

Yeah, that'd be good.

I'm with DCFS,
here to do a home safety check

for a case opened up
by Phillip Gallagher.

Any idea how much you
fucked this up for me?

The old Fiona would've handled
this, would've spun shit,

- would've covered for me.
- What was I supposed to do?

I expected you to not be drunk
in the middle of the day.

[Lip]
DCFS showed up unannounced.

Fiona answered the door
fucking drunk.

Okay, I'm pregnant.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

♪♪♪

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Think of all
the luck you got ♪

♪ Know that
it's not for naught ♪

♪ You were beaming
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Round up
the friends you got ♪

♪ Know that
they're not for naught ♪

♪ You were willing
once before ♪

♪ But it's not like that
anymore ♪

♪ What is this downside ♪

♪ That you speak of? ♪

♪ What is this feeling ♪

♪ You're so sure of? ♪

♪ laid-back rock music ♪

♪♪♪

I don't have enough room
for all my stuff.

Uh, okay.

Uh...

Here you go.
Use this.

♪♪♪

Um...

Jacket.

It's a million degrees
outside.

Yeah, just in case.

♪♪♪

Oh, you want some magazines?

- No, thanks.
- No?

Uh...

your pillow,
can't forget that.

That's your pillow.

Yeah, but you love it.

Go on, take it.

Okay, are you hungry?

Want me to make you
something to eat or...

We just had breakfast.

Yeah, but, uh, for the road.

You want a sandwich
or something?

No, thanks.

No?

All right.
[sniffles]

Um...

listen, I'll, um--
I'll come visit you,

okay, you know, as soon
as you get settled.

Okay.

I'm really sorry
you have to leave.

You know, but I think

it's the best thing
for you right now.

Yeah.

It's gonna be fine.

[knock at door]

All right.

- Hey.
- Hey.

[Lip clears throat]

[Peter]
Well, how is everybody today?

Good.

[Peter]
Xan, you okay?

Yeah.

Good, good.
You, uh, ready to go?

I think so.

Okay, hey, um, you, uh...
you got your phone?

Yeah.

- [Lip] And it's charged?
- [Xan] Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Hey, you, um...
you call me

when you get there,
all right,

just let me know
you're safe?

All right.

And here, um,

I got this
for you for, uh...

for-for snacks and stuff,
you know, whatever you need.

Oh.

I made this for you.

Oh, yeah?

Uh, where'd you learn
how to make these?

Kelly taught me.

You know I can't
wear this, right?

I'll get the shit
beat out of me.

I'm the pink
and you're the purple.

You know there's an old man
sleeping out front here?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are we ready?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll talk
to you soon.

Don't be mad.

It's no one's fault.

[door slams]

♪ percussive rock music ♪

♪♪♪

- What's that?
- It's Fiona's shit.

Why is Fiona's shit
in trash bags?

'Cause I told her to leave
and she's still here.

Thought I'd give her a hand.

'Cause of Xan?

Yeah, 'cause of Xan
and Jason

and all the other
fucking things.

Okay.

Look, I'll see you later,
all right?

I gotta catch Tami
before work.

[Debbie] You guys get into
a fight or something?

No, she, uh...
she's pregnant.

Holy shit.

She gonna keep it?

Uh, I have no idea.

That'd be so cool.

Franny could have
a little cousin.

Yeah, look, I don't know.

I just found out
yesterday, Debs,

so I don't know what
the fuck we're gonna do.

You guys
could all live here.

Tami and I can
take turns babysitting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

I'm sorry I mentioned it.

[door clicks open]

You want
a cousin, right?

- Uncle Lip's baby.
- [door slams]

[rock music playing
over speakers]

Good morning,
former coworker.

Here we go.

No need to panic, Eliza.

I'm just here
for my final paycheck.

Okay, sure.

I'll be right back.

Thanks.

Hey, you got my tip-out?

What?

My tip-out.

My share of the ti--

You know what a tip-out is,
Karina.

Where are my tips?

Um, well, we didn't think
that you were...

You guys just stole
my fucking tips?

Wow, that is cold.

That's okay,
I'll just take this.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, what's up, Judas?

Hey, winner.

I'd refill your coffee,
but I don't work here anymore,

so...

Here you go.

- Oh...
- Jesus.

...you know those eggs aren't
really cage-free, right?

The menu's full of lies.
Enjoy.

Have you been drinking?

Have you?

[scoffs]
You're drunk.

[chuckles]
Fuck you, Eliza.

You got your last paycheck.

Please leave, or I'll have
to call the cops.

Oh, the cops.

Let's call them.

They can find out
where my stolen tips went.

[exhales deeply]

[sighs]

[Lori] Where's my
Buccaneer Biscuits at?

KJ.

Going as fast
as I can, Lori.

Buccaneer Biscuits
selling like crazy.

Adding fried clams to the
bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit

was a great idea.

Yeah? Thanks.

Just a fry guy
with big ideas

who wants to serve
his country.

You ever read The Tipping Point,
Malcolm Gladwell?

Uh, no.

Buccaneer Biscuits,
tipping point.

Trust me,
you're gonna go places.

I sell weed
out the back.

I know you do, KJ,

and I appreciate your desire
for a better life.

But Carl here,
he's helping us sell shit

inside the store, okay?

You know, they used
to call this place Mr. Bob's.

They started calling it
Captain Bob's

when they added seafood
to the menu.

Now it's all seafood.

That man's
a goddamn visionary.

Can I take my break now?

Sure, you can, rock star.

- Be back in ten, okay?
- Yeah.

Mmm, mmm.

[line beeps]

Hey, Kelly, it's me.

I'm at work right now.

You know those
Buccaneer Biscuits?

They're a huge hit.

Yeah, it was my idea.
Did you know that?

So I'm pretty hyped about that.

You know, I should probably
be getting back to it, though,

so just want to make sure
softball's going well.

Uh, give me a call later,
all right?

Bye. Miss and love you.

Bye.

[TV playing indistinctly]

Ugh, feels like someone
kicked me in the balls.

[Tommy] Well, the heat
doesn't help.

You gotta get some AC
in here, man.

We have an AC.

Thing's on its last legs,

givin' it all she's got.

[air conditioner hissing]

Oh.

V, is there a kid kicking me
in the nuts right now?

'Cause it feels like
there's a child

repeatedly kicking me
in the balls.

No, baby,
just leave ice on it.

[Tommy] Be better in no time,
Kev. Hang in there, man.

[Kermit] Yeah, hang in there,
buddy.

What's up?

[Veronica]
Hey.

What's going on with him?

He had a vasectomy,
little swelling.

[Kev]
Little swelling?

My ball's the size
of a grapefruit, V.

Why didn't V
just tie her tubes?

Old-school, piece of cake.

[Veronica]
Okay, I'm right here.

I'll take this one.

Do you even know
what you're saying?

A vasectomy is like this,

really, on one ball,

and it's already
on the outside of your body.

My shit is on the inside.

They have to cut
into my stomach twice,

pull my tubes
out of my body,

rope 'em off, and then
put 'em back inside me.

I should slap your face.

Sorry, V.

You gon' live, baby.

[Veronica]
What is that?

Final paycheck.
Can you cash it?

Come on, it's only,
like, 115 bucks.

[cash register dings]

Oh, no, keep it.

[chuckles]
I am ready to drink.

What you havin'?

Vodka.

- Straight?
- Yeah.

Whoop, I made
a vodka and cranberry.

My bad.

I'll make you some breakfast.

[power whirs down]

[Tommy]
What the fuck?

[groans]

Oh.

Everyone, remain calm.

- Why would we not remain--
- Tsk, tsk.

People do crazy shit
when the power goes out.

[man]
Hey, you guys got power?

[man]
No, you?

[man] Mrs. Williams,
do you have power?

[Mrs. Williams]
No.

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

Blackout.

♪♪♪

♪ My mother
don't want a man ♪

♪ 'Cause she loves and trusts
in Jesus Christ ♪

♪ She don't want
to see me with my friend ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm in love
in a chain gang ♪

♪ Yes, I'm a man ♪

♪ You're my baby,
you're my blood ♪

Professor.

♪ You're the sun
when I'm alone ♪

- Been waitin'.
- ♪ You're my baby ♪

♪ You're my blood ♪

♪ You're the sun
when I'm alone ♪

I have a generator.

Of course you do. Wow.

No one in this neighborhood
ever plans ahead.

The future is scary,
Professor.

It's easier
not to think about.

Unless there's money
to be made.

[chuckles]

So, um, how much?

Cost plus 20 percent.

Cost plus ten?

Okay, okay, 15.

Any word how long
this is gonna last?

Too soon to say,

but I'll see you in an hour
if we still got a blackout.

All right.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

[Fiona] V, calm down.
It's just a blackout.

The power will
come back on eventually.

- It's not a big deal.
- When?

I'm sure they're
already working on it.

The whole city's out.

They don't know how long
it's gonna be.

[sighs]

[Kev]
Babe, what is going on?

What?

The steaks.

Steaks, what steaks?

[scoffs]

I bought 16 cases of rib eye

and a case
of crab-stuffed sole.

What, in here?

Well, don't open it!

Why do we have
a freezer full of meat?

I got it from a guy
who said his truck broke down.

Gave me a good deal.

You did what?

Now it's all gonna go bad

unless the power
comes back on soon.

How much did you
pay for this?

Five hundred.

What, $500?

I was gonna do
a surf and turf special,

28 bucks, call it
Funk Sole Brother.

I don't get it.

Sole, S-O-L-E,
Funk Sole Brother.

Oh, yeah.

[Veronica] We would've made
over 3,500 bucks.

[Kev]
No, it's a great idea,

if we had electricity!

Why do you think
I've been freaking out?

This is the worst thing
that has ever happened.

Anne Frank
might beg to differ.

Just a minute ago, you were
telling me to calm down,

this is just a blackout.

That's before I knew we had
a freezer full of meat.

Fuck the meat.
I need ice for my balls.

I could die.

[Veronica]
We need to sell the meat.

- We need ice for my balls!
- And cocktails.

[Kev]
The beer's gonna be warm.

Nothin' new there.

[Kev stammering]
I'm panicking.

I'm having a panic attack.

I'm hyperventilating.

[Veronica]
What are we gonna do?

Can I get another vodka cran
while there's still ice?

[Kev breathing heavily]

I need a paper bag.

I need a paper bag!

I-I gotta close up.

I can't open the register.

I can't microwave shit.

- So can we leave?
- Leave?

This is the perfect time
for a kitchen deep clean.

Start breaking down the grill
and the fryers.

It's, like, 90 degrees
in here, Lori.

Unsafe work environment,
unsafe work environment.

KJ, you were in prison.

How was that work environment?

Unsafe.

You can, uh,
clean out the freezer.

Oh, sweet.

Uh, what about
the stuff in the freezer?

Will it go bad?

We never said the seafood
was fresh here.

[Carl] Yeah, besides,
the clams, cod, and shrimp--

all just a delivery system
for tartar sauce.

God.

You just get it.
God.

So can I leave anyways?

What the hell do you have to do
that's so urgent?

Nothing.

Come on, you know you can
talk to me about anything.

I want to hang out with Kelly.

Oh, not this shit again.

She's being weird.

Can I give you some advice?

- Not really.
- Back the fuck off.

All right,
give her some space.

Women hate clingy guys.

But also, it's a blackout.

Blackouts mean sex.

There's nothin' else to do.

This is your chance
to win back your lady.

Also, stick your finger
in her butt.

Chicks like that.

- Right.
- She religious?

Uh, pretty much.

Finger that ass,

but put it
in your mouth first.

- Oh, okay.
- Okay.

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey.

[Carl]
Hey, did you get my message?

Uh, no, we're not supposed
to be on our phones.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

You know there's a blackout,
whole city.

- What?
- [coach] Keefe!

- Off the phone now!
- Shit, hey, I gotta go.

Okay, bye.

Uh, later.

Hey.

- Hi.
- Hey, can we talk?

I'm kind of in the middle
of something right now.

We need to talk.

- I'll be back in one minute.
- [woman] Okay.

What the hell, dude?

Are you having the baby
or not?

I have no idea.

Well, we need
to talk about it.

"We"? Oh, no, there's
no fucking "we" in this.

- This is my decision.
- All right, fine,

then what do you think
you're gonna do?

Okay, first, this doesn't
involve you at all,

so you can go back to--

Yeah, it does
involve me, though.

- Okay, fuck off. I'm not--
- All right, wait, wait.

All right? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, all right?

I just--I want
to talk about this.

All right, I mean,
we need a plan, right?

Stop saying "we."

Okay, I'm not trying
to tell you what to do.

Shh!

I just...

If you decide to have the baby,
I-I want to be a part of it.

Okay.

Fine.

Okay.

I gotta--

Look, DCFS came this morning

and took Xan.

It's fucking with me
a little.

Yeah, you think?

Look, I'm sorry about Xan.
I am.

But I've only known I was
pregnant for two days,

so I don't know
what I'm gonna do yet, okay?

- All right.
- But I got this.

Also, I gotta
get back to work, all right?

Hey, sorry about that.

[lighter flicks]

Morning, Sweathogs.

Blackout,
we got a blackout.

No shit, Frank.

That's why we're all
sitting here in the dark.

Is the beer still cold?

Not really.

[Frank] Sounds great.
I'll take one.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I got fired.

Well, congratulations.

You apply
for unemployment yet?

My advice is, do it in person.

If you do it online,

they'll pretend
they never got the application.

Got it.

Well, welcome to the ranks
of the unemployed.

Yeah, I'm fine with it.

I mean, fuck them.

Being broke sucks,
though.

Ah, you get used to it.

You just gotta be creative.

Buy me a beer?

[laughs]
That's funny.

You know, life is not
all sunshine and rainbows

for me either, kiddo.

Ingrid left me.

Took all my children
with her.

I'm still here.

My unborn children.

I don't think
I'll ever get over it.

V, a shot of Jame-o, please.

Oh, my God, ow.

What's his problem?

Vasectomy.

Smart.

A substation blew up.

Gonna be at least
another 18 hours

before the power's back up.

- What?
- God damn it.

Oh, we're screwed.

I'll be back.

Where is he going?

If you need a little
walking-around money,

you should hang out
with me today.

Why would I do that?

Because of a little something
I like to call

"monetizing my neighbors'
lack of foresight."

You mean rippin' people off.

Completely legit.

No one prepares
for blackouts around here,

so they rush to the store

for ice or batteries
or what have you.

Too late,
everything's sold out.

Panic ensues,
and where there's panic,

there's money to be made.

That's where I come in.

Frank's Blackout Supply
has everything you need.

So you gouge 'em.

Really?

How's the view from up there,
Miss High and Mighty?

Last time I checked, we were
in the same freakin' bar

drinking warm beer together.

Fair point.

Do I charge a little more?
Yes.

Double.

The peace of mind of a candle
or fresh batteries, priceless.

So you in or out?

No, thanks.

Aw, come on.

I could use a pretty face.

It legitimizes
the whole thing.

What's in it for me?

After I recoup my cost,
20 percent.

Seventy.

Jesus Ch--
Who's gouging now? Thirty.

Fifty percent, final offer.

No one's gonna buy
anything from you, Frank.

You're Frank.

Deal, 50.

Gallagher Blackout Supply.

[laughs]
Oh, Jesus.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How we supposed
to get food?

We're not.
Fridge is gonna stay shut

until the power's back on.

I thought you had work.

I did. Got canceled
'cause of the blackout.

Yeah, mine too.

[cell phone whooshes]

[laughs]

Who's that?

Kelly. This girl's insane.

She's not supposed
to be on her phone.

Well, she is.

Because you keep texting her.

Stop texting her.

Carl, relax,
we're friends.

[cell phone whooshes]

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

Yo, what the fuck
is so funny?

[laughs]
You are.

Look at you.

Debs, I'm serious.
Stop texting her.

Nobody likes a clinger.

Whatever, I gotta go.

Go where?

Going to Kelly's scrimmage.

Gonna bring her
some orange Gatorade.

She needs to stay hydrated.

What the fuck, you're going
to her practices now?

It's a scrimmage.

Okay, plus, you don't need

to be worrying about her
being hydrated.

That's my job,
and she likes lemon-lime.

Hmm, she asked for orange.

Orange, what the fuck?

Carl, relax,
we're friends.

All right, well, I'm gonna
go, too, and bring her

what she really likes,
lemon-lime Gatorade.

Don't forget about Franny,
by the way.

Damn it! Fuck!

♪ bluesy rock music ♪

♪ Gold hair,
gold ring ♪

♪ Gold ring,
gold hair ♪

500 bucks' worth
of fucking meat.

♪ Gold hair
like the ring on her hand ♪

♪ Ring on her hand ♪

Coats should insulate 'em.

♪ Oh, heaven, mercy ♪

♪ How I wish she ♪

- ♪ Was mine ♪
- ♪ Was mine ♪

♪ Was mine ♪

Few more coats.

♪♪♪

Ooh, uh,
what about ice cream?

Should we get ice cream?

Too soon.
Give it another hour.

The stores'll panic.

They'll try to unload it
before it thaws.

They'll drop the price.

We'll buy for half,
sell for double.

Okay, damn, people
don't care it's melt-y?

I got a line on dry ice.
It'll be nice and cold.

I told ya, kiddo,

just gotta stay creative.

I know where we might be able
to get some real ice.

- No shit?
- Mm-hmm.

♪♪♪

What are you looking for?

A wagon, something
to put my supplies in.

A wagon?

No, if we're gonna do this,
we're gonna do it right,

not some half-assed
wagon situation.

We gotta, like,
build a stand.

Like a booth?

Take half a day
to set up.

No, it won't.

Hey, here, help me.

What are we doing?

We're being creative.

- [laughs]
- Dump.

♪♪♪

What the--what did we--
I don't--

Hey, that's my kid's pool,
motherfucker!

- [Frank] Oh, shit.
- [Fiona] Come on, come on,

- come on, run, run.
- Oh, whoa.

♪ Cold, cold ground ♪

♪ Oh, heaven, mercy ♪

Hope he doesn't have a gun.

Fuck!

♪ How I wish she was mine... ♪

Fuck!

They didn't take your key
when they fired you?

No, they did.

I already made a copy.

To a hardware store,
"do not duplicate"

means "do not duplicate
unless I give you ten bucks."

[chuckles]
Still frozen.

Ah, fantastic.

How about this?

It's empty and clean.

- Ready?
- Yep.

Wheel her over.

♪♪♪

♪ Well, I wish she
was mine... ♪

♪♪♪

[grunting softly]

Shit.

Can barely hold
the wrench, man.

It's so fucking sweaty.

I know.

Why isn't she calling?

I left her, like,
five messages.

- Who?
- Xan.

Fuck!
God damn it, man.

Why are we
even open today?

'Cause Mr. Ryland's heading
to Sturgis and needs his bike.

What's going on
with you, man?

Tami's pregnant.

What?

[sighs]

Yeah.

Is it yours?

She says it is.

Oh, no,
you got Tami pregnant?

Yeah, so?

I can't believe
you got Tami pregnant.

Why do you keep saying that?

Well--

Hey, honey, Core.

[whispering] I'm terrified
of these women.

What, even your wife?

[whispering]
Terrified.

[Cami]
Did he tell you?

What? No.
I don't know anything.

Did you tell him?

[Lip]
No.

Sorry, I got
a conference call

with a parts, uh, guy.

[Cami] You upset Tami.

Yeah, Tami's upset.

Now we gotta fuck you up.

Well, she didn't
seem that upset.

I mean, how could you tell?

She was fucking crying, Lip.

Tami was crying, really?

What the fuck
did you say to her?

Nothing, all right?

Uh, we talked about the baby,

I said I want
to be a part of it,

and it's her decision.

Goddamn right
it's her decision.

If she does
decide to keep it,

you better not ghost her.

I won't, all right?
That's what I told her.

If you hurt her,
we will fuck you up.

Since when do you
give a shit about Tami, huh?

I thought you hated her.

We will fuck you up.

Look, I get it, okay?

I'm trying
to do the right thing.

If she doesn't
want to be around me,

I don't know
what I can do for you.

Don't fuck with us.

Okay.

You know, you should
get your sister

a mood ring or something,

you know, anything that lets me
know how she's feeling.

You know, that would be
great, all right?

Is the goon squad gone?

Yeah.

Tell you what.
Uh, take the day off.

I got this.

Yeah, why?

You're having a bad day.

Go home.

♪ upbeat music ♪

Got everything you need
right here, folks!

Step right up.

Who's waiting
on cold, soaked rags?

Here you go.
Thank you.

How much to charge a phone?

- It's a dollar a minute.
- Okay, I'll take five.

[Fiona]
Great.

- ♪ I'm bad as ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪

♪ There's no stoppin' me ♪

♪ No stoppin' me ♪

♪ Get out of my way,
I'm like a runaway train... ♪

[Frank] Two waters,
two beers comin' up.

♪ I got what you want... ♪

Could I get a battery
over here?

Here you go.

Who wanted the bat--
There you go.

♪ Get ready
for the major leagues ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ All my life, I said ♪

♪ I'm gonna be
one of the greats... ♪

Here you go.
Thank you.

Have a good day.

♪ Ain't nothin'
about this fake ♪

♪ Oh, it's the real thing ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Oh, it's the real thing ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Got the heart of a lion,
strong as iron ♪

♪ With a fire
burnin' in my soul... ♪

- Beer. Beer? Beer.
- [Frank] We got, uh...

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

♪ Got a million-dollar swag,
don't forget that ♪

♪ When you see me
steppin', ooh ♪

♪ Again across the building,
bring back the feeling ♪

♪ Damn right,
I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ All my life, I said ♪

♪ I'm gonna be
one of the greats... ♪

- Start a business, you know.
- Uh-huh.

We don't have to be at each
other's throats all the time.

[laughs]

You're a good salesman.

What the fuck?

You just need--

[Frank chuckles]

These are my clothes.

I'll take that chair
if you don't want it.

Fuckin' Lip.

God!

- Hey!
- What the fuck?

You put my shit
on the fucking curb?

Fuck, man.
The f--

- You can't fucking do that!
- Yeah, well,

- I want you fucking out!
- This is my house!

I live here!
I live here!

This is my fucking house!

Okay, okay, easy, easy, easy.

- I own this house!
- Easy.

The title is in my name!

- I'm not letting you live here!
- Okay.

All right, not with Liam
and not with Franny!

No fucking way!

- Fuck you!
- Look at you!

All right,
you are fucking pathetic.

You need to take
a personal fucking inventory!

Did you say inven--
You?

You AA people
are all the same.

You want a goddamn parade
because you stand

in front of other alcoholics

and state
the galactically obvious.

It's the very definition
of narcissism.

Will you please take a drink
and shut the fuck up?

Shut the fuck up!

[Frank]
All right.

Get to a meeting.

[Frank whistles]

You should spend
less time blaming her

and more thanking her.

Yeah, for what?

For what?
[scoffs]

It's tough raising six kids
by yourself.

I couldn't have done it
without her.

[Kelly]
All right, team,

let's go!

Let's go, Kelly!

Nice throw, girl!

I brought your favorite,
orange!

This should be working.

Stay out of there!

I can see the steak
in your pants.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway
'cause it's already thawed.

[Frank]
Bartender, two vodka martinis

on the rocks with a twist.

[Veronica]
There's no rocks, Frank.

It's over 100 degrees in here.

[Kev]
It's the end of days.

We're all gonna die.

[Kev] How the hell
are you not sweating?

He wears flannel pajamas
in August with the windows open.

And how do you know that?

I'm guessing.

[Kev]
I gotta take my pants off.

My balls are gonna explode.

It's a ticking time ball.

[Frank]
Hey,

you need ice?
We got ice.

- Really?
- [Frank] Hundred bucks a bag.

- Great.
- [Veronica] Hell no!

[Kev] V, this whole thing
was your idea.

Fifty.

- Okay.
- No!

[Kev]
All right, fine.

When my balls explode
and everybody in here

is covered in blood and ball,
we'll see who's laughing then.

I won't be.

It's fucking hot, okay?

Who wants a beer?

- Me.
- Me, I want one.

[Frank]
I'll take one.

$20 apiece.

$50 for a bag of ice.

You're just like my vendors.

Just like everyone
in this city,

always trying to take advantage
of the South Side.

Hey, I got an idea.

- Uh-oh.
- [Kev] No, no, no,

this is a really good one.

Let's have a cookout,

invite the whole neighborhood.

We got all that meat
that's gonna spoil.

And the crab-stuffed sole.

Free surf and turf
and warm beer.

No, not free, $5 surf and turf.

We gotta at least
try to make our money back.

Okay, it's still
a pretty good deal.

Y-you guys would pay five bucks
for surf and turf, right?

- A rib eye, yeah.
- Yeah.

[Kev]
Cookout at The Alibi.

If people bring
grills and charcoal,

- I'll supply the meat and beer.
- [Tommy] Nice.

- [Frank] I like it.
- [Veronica] Yes.

[Tommy]
Kevin Ball for the win.

♪ Let's go, Kelly, let's go ♪

- ♪ Let's go, Kelly, let's go ♪
- Kelly, Kelly, Kelly!

[Debbie]
Whoo, you got this, girl!

[Carl] Hey, attagirl,
way to stay in front of it!

[Debbie]
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly!

That's my girl!
Kelly!

♪ U-G-L-Y,
you ain't got no alibi ♪

♪ You ugly, hey, hey ♪

♪ You ugly, hey, hey ♪

- [Carl] Yeah!
- [Debbie] Nice!

[Carl] Kelly, Kelly,
catch that bitch!

That's my girl!
That's my bitch!

- Good one.
- [woman] All right.

[woman] She's going!
She's going!

- [woman] Oh!
- [cheers and applause]

- Nice!
- [Carl] I love you, Kelly!

[applause]

Nice play.

[Debbie]
Beautiful, Kelly!

[women cheering]

I got this for you!

- [woman] Yeah.
- [woman] Way to do it.

[Fiona]
Fuckin' Lip, man.

He's a righteous fuckin' prick.

V, can we get a couple
of shots of Jame-o?

[Frank]
Who cares?

You know how many times
I've kicked out of that house?

Yeah, I do.

I was the one
doing the kickin'.

Lip kicked you
out of the house?

Yeah, you believe
that motherfucker?

I'm carrying my shit around
in garbage bags.

V, can I just crash with you
just till I figure it out?

You don't even have to ask.

You're the shit!

We made a shitload of money
out there today.

You're really good at this.

I'm great.

Here's your half.

I want to renegotiate.

The hell?
There's no renegotiation.

We made a deal.

See, you were gonna
walk around with a wagon.

I created a store.
I got us ice.

Sixty-forty.

No way.

Sixty-forty, or next time,

I just open
my own blackout supply.

And trust me, you don't
want me as your competition.

You're worse than the Mafia,
you know that?

Mm-hmm.

[sighs]

And this is
for the professor.

[scoffs]
We did all the work.

And he supplied
the raw materials.

Oh, fuck the professor.

Okay, it's time
we had a little chat.

V, could we get
two more of these?

Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.

You're a bad drunk.

[laughs]

That's...

Oh, well, if that isn't the pot
callin' the kettle black.

No, no, no,
I'm a good drunk.

Makes me happy.

When you drink, you get mean.

If it wasn't for me,
Lip would be dead right now.

Are you seriously telling me
to stop drinkin'?

I would never say that
to my worst enemy.

No, I am telling you there are
good drunks and bad drunks.

A good drunk is fun.

A bad drunk
wants to have a fight.

A good drunk
lives in the present.

A bad drunk
is thinking about yesterday.

It's all about
gas and the brakes.

Bottoms up.

[clears throat]
How you feel?

Great.

Wanna do another one?

- Yeah.
- No.

You feel good, right?

So take a break,
driver eight.

Take your foot off the gas
for a couple of seconds.

- Coast.
- [scoffs]

Alcohol was created
to distract us

from existential dread.

Human beings
are the only species

that knows
of its own mortality,

and I gotta say,

we do a pretty good job
dealing with that fact.

[Tommy]
Thank God for alcohol.

Can you imagine
having to live

with impending death
sober?

Look at Lip. When's the last
time you saw him smile?

Me, I've always been

the most fun member
of this family.

You know why?
Because I get it.

Sobriety is a fool's game.

Okay, okay!

Who's ready for a cookout?

- [Frank] Let's do this!
- [Tommy] Oh! Meat!

[Carl]
Let me help you with that.

[Kelly]
Thanks.

You were really great
out there.

Yeah, played okay.

[sighs]

Hey, come on,
get in the back.

You get in the back.

[sighs]
Fine.

[cell phone whooshes]

[Debbie]
I got a text.

They're having a cookout
at The Alibi.

You want to go?

Let's do it.

Yeah, sure,
you can come with us.

[scoffs]

[upbeat music playing
on boom box]

Two Funk Sole Brothers,
well done.

Two Funk Sole Brothers,
well done.

[Veronica]
Two beers.

- Here.
- No, uh-uh,

I'm not counting that shit.

Walk away.

V, we're doin' it, baby.

[laughs]

[Kev] This is how we do it
on the South Side, man.

We learn how to live together
because alone, we die.

Is Chicago dangerous?
Yes.

Is Chicago big?
Doesn't matter,

'cause I don't live in Chicago.
I live on the South Side,

and these are the people
I care about.

[all] South Side!

Carl thinks if two women
are friends, they must be gay.

No, I don't think that.
I think Debbie's gay

because she follows you around
like a little puppy dog.

Ha, see what I mean?

I'm not kidding.
She's in love with you.

Carl, stop.

You're acting crazy.

Yeah, seriously,
who's the puppy dog?

- She's my girlfriend.
- She's my friend.

Okay, I'm gonna get a beer.

- [Carl] Let me get it for you.
- [Debbie] I'll come with you.

Guys, I got it,
thanks.

Whoo, look at this.

♪ Then you're done for ♪

♪ I'm a person of peace ♪

♪ But if you want
a piece of me ♪

♪ I will attack... ♪

[Frank] Here you go.

[Kev] I told you, Frank,
I'm not paying for ice.

[Frank]
It's on me.

[Kev]
Really?

It's melting.

Thank you, man. Ah.

[Fiona]
Here.

[chuckles]

We brought this
on ourselves, you know.

Global warming.

Nothing to be done.
Too late.

What, I'm gonna
turn my AC off?

If I'm a dead man walking,
I wanna be comfortable.

♪ Why'd you have to go
and do that for? ♪

♪ Look at what
you made me do ♪

♪ I heard you want
to scrap with the sharks ♪

♪ Come on, then, let's dance ♪

♪ I am a person of peace ♪

♪ But if you want
a piece of me ♪

♪ I will attack ♪

♪ Arr ♪

♪ I will never
start the grief ♪

♪ But careful what you throw ♪

♪ 'Cause I will bat it back ♪

You know we're the only ones
without power, right?

What are you talking about?

My cousin's on his way
to the Cubs game.

North Side's
already got power.

You fuckin' serious?

♪ More that you came here-- ♪

[Kev] Hey, what's the station
for the Cubs game?

[man] The what?

[man] Jerk-off AM, who knows?

No, seriously, no one knows
the station for the Cubs game?

- The fuck we care?
- [man] Go, Sox.

- God bless us, every one.
- [Frank laughs]

[garbled radio transmissions]

[man] Power's been restored
to 90 percent of the city,

and the Cubs will play
tonight as scheduled.

So everybody's got power
except us?

[Tommy]
Wrigleyville has power.

Fucking yuppies,
what do you expect?

South Side's
always last in line.

So we're the working poor.
No one gives a fuck about us.

We don't matter.
We don't count.

Well, I don't know about you,

but I am sick
of gettin' fucked.

[all] Yeah!

I say we march right now
to Wrigleyville

and kick every one
of their fuckin' asses!

- [man] Fuck 'em up!
- [all] Yeah!

In this heat?

We are South Side,
God damn it!

- We are not your bitch!
- [man] Yeah!

- [man] Fuck yeah.
- This shit stops now.

[Tommy] My bitch!
South Side!

[crowd clamoring]

♪ groovy rock music ♪

[Tommy] I'm staying.
Any medium rares?

If they think I'm walkin'
in these damn heels...

Ooh, man.

- Yeah, I'll take that guy.
- That smoke is--

- I'm gonna start cleaning up.
- All right.

[all] What the fuck, Chicago?

Should've had power
hours ago!

What the fuck, Chicago?

Should've had power
hours ago!

What the fuck, Chicago?

Should've had power
hours ago!

Hey, can we talk?

Now? We're in the middle
of a protest.

Yeah, but you're not even
from the South Side.

I know.

Injustice is injustice.

[all] What the fuck, Chicago?

Should've had power
hours ago!

What the fuck, Chicago?

Should've had power
hours ago!

- [line beeps]
- Hey, Xan, uh, it's me again.

Um...

look, can you call me back?

Yeah, I know there's the-the
power outage and everything,

but seriously, you know,
just...call me back.

[knock at door]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey.

[sighs]
What you doing?

Nothing, just waiting
for a fucking phone call.

So you threw Fiona out.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, she's gonna
stay with Kev and me

until she gets
back on her feet.

No, if she stays
with you and Kev,

she won't get back
on her feet.

I'm worried about her, Lip.

Yeah, me too.

Then let her back
in the damn house.

She needs to hit rock bottom.

Rock bottom?

She's a strong person, Lip.

I know you know that.

But even the strongest people
fall down sometimes.

You did. I have.
Kev has.

We are here to lift
each other up.

Okay. You heard
all this before, right?

You gonna sit there and think
just because you're in AA,

you have all the answers?

Don't let Fiona
stay with you.

Then what kind of friend
would I be?

What kind of friend
do you wanna be?

The kind that sees her drunk
at The Alibi every morning?

The kind that-that
watches her lose her job

or lose her
apartment building?

Watches her wreck her car
and go to jail?

You know what?
Then go ahead.

All right, buy her
a case of vodka.

Grab a shovel
and help her dig that grave,

'cause that's not a friend.

All right, that's-that's
a fuckin' bystander.

- Lip, I have to--
- V!

If you really love her

and you really are her friend,

you won't let her
stay with you.

[all] South Side
is where it's at!

Gonna fuck you up
with a baseball bat!

South Side
is where it's at!

Gonna fuck you up
with a baseball bat!

South Side
is where it's at!

Gonna fuck you up
with a baseball bat!

South Side
is where it's at!

Gonna fuck you up
with a baseball bat!

[muffled chanting]

[rock music playing
over speakers]

- [man] Yo.
- [man] Check it out.

- [man] Yeah.
- [man] The power's back.

- [man] Yeah.
- [man laughs]

[man] Oh, yeah.
Power, baby.

- [man] About time.
- [man] Yeah.

I don't know about you all,
but I could use a drink.

Back to The Alibi?

Thank God.
I'm gonna pass out.

- [man] You said it.
- Here we go.

[Fiona]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're just gonna
go back to The Alibi?

We were still the last ones
to get power.

That's bullshit.

Come on, the city's
laughing at us.

Let's go tell 'em you don't
fuck with the South Side.

Let's go.
Come on.

It's only a few more blocks
to the North Side.

- [crowd grumbling]
- [Frank] See you at The Alibi.

[Fiona]
Are you fuckin' kidding me?

God.

[muttering indistinctly]

[groans]
Hey, baby.

[Frank] That was like
a long hike.

Hi. South Side pride.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] You know what I want.

V, I need a drink.

- [Veronica] Okay, what?
- [Fiona] Vodka.

[Kev]
Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have
your attention, please?

Today was a good fuckin' day.

- [Kermit] It was a good day.
- [all] Yeah.

[Kev]
Yes, it was hot,

yes, we had no electricity,

and yes, I had
a very painful testicle

that was the size
of a volleyball.

- [man] Whoo!
- [Kermit] Hear, hear.

[Kev] But today we found the
true power of the South Side.

- [Tommy] Hear, hear.
- [man] Yeah.

No work.
Get drunk. Have fun.

Now you know
what it's like to be me.

[laughter]

[Kev] Here's to
the greatest day ever.

[Tommy]
The South Side!

- The South Side!
- [all cheering]

Fuck you,
you fuckin' pussies!

You fuckin' never stop talking

about how tough
the South Side is,

how we survive.

Ha!

How you don't fuck
with the South Side.

And then you
fucking do nothing!

God.

I am fuckin' embarrassed.

You know, we talk a big game,

but we don't actually do shit.

We get exactly
what we deserve.

So fuck you.
Fuck all of you.

Take it easy, sweetheart.

Sounds like somebody needs to
get fucked on the South Side.

Fuck you,
you fuckin' cunt!

- Whoa, yeah.
- [all] Hey!

All right, okay, somebody's
a little bit fired up.

You okay?

Fucking tired
of that bullshit.

[Veronica]
I get it. I know.

I get it.

Hey, I get it.

So I, um...
I was talking to Kev,

and with the girls
and everything,

it's just a little
too much right now

having you stay with us.

I'm-I'm really sorry.

I am.

V...

it's not a big deal.

Really? You know, no.

- I'm gonna talk--
- Seriously, yeah.

It's okay.
I totally get it.

I understand.

♪ bluesy music ♪

All right.

♪♪♪

I'm sorry.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪♪

[Debbie exhales heavily]

I gotta get this one
into the bathtub. Pee-yew!

[Kelly]
Okay, I'll text you later.

[Debbie]
Cool.

Hey, you want a beer?

No, thanks.

Are you fucking my sister?

You're insane.

Am I?

Carl, Debbie and I
are friends.

You're overthinking it.

Overthinking what?
What am I overthinking?

I think
we should break up.

Why, 'cause you
love my sister?

No, because
you're too clingy.

Oh, come on,
Debbie's clingier than I am.

Oh, my God!

That's it, I am leaving.

You know, I like you, Carl,
but seriously, what the fuck?

Oh, come on.

Call me
when you're not so needy.

All right, see ya.

[knock at door]

That's what I thought.

Oh.

What-what do you mean, "oh"?

Shut up.

Lip!

Hey.

Uh, did Xan call?

[Lip]
Yeah.

Yeah,
a little while ago.

- Where you going?
- I feel like breaking shit.

[door clicks open]

[door slams]

So Xan's okay.

- Yeah.
- Good.

Here's the deal: the last thing
I need in my life

is a man
telling me what to do.

I really don't give a shit
about what you think,

but I do understand

that you might have
some feelings about this.

But I want to be clear:
you do not get a vote.

I don't get a vote,

like, not even one?

One.

Out of 100.
I get the other 99.

[scoffs softly]

What if we're not meant
to be together?

Then we break up.

What if the baby has, like,
Down syndrome or something?

I'll help you
take care of it.

I'm gonna die
at a young age, so...

I'll still be here.

Yeah, well, what if you
get hit by a bus?

All right, look,
maybe I will.

All right, we don't know
what's gonna happen,

but if you decide
to have this baby,

I want to make damn sure
it has a father.

Okay.

I hear you.

Okay.

Should we, like,
get one of those books,

What to Expect When You're
Pregnant or whatever?

Not if you're not
gonna be pregnant.

Are you gonna be pregnant?

I have no idea.

What would I even name it?

I don't know,
we talking a boy or a girl?

I don't know, like...
pretend it's a boy.

Hambone.

What? No.

[scoffs]

Bird?

Who the hell
names their kid Bird?

Charlie Parker's parents.

No, that was a nickname.

It was 'cause
he liked chicken.

Oh, didn't know that.

Uh, Wilmoth?

[laughing] Jesus.

What?

These are the worst names
I ever heard.

I take it back.

I will not be there
for our child, all right?

Okay, can we just not
talk about it anymore?

Can we, like,
pretend it's not happening

and maybe it'll just...
go away?

Yeah, all right.

All right,
I'm fucking starving.

I need food.

Yeah, you, uh...
you like popcorn shrimp?

[groans softly]

[groans]

[grunts]

Ugh.

♪ solemn music ♪

[groans]

[exhales heavily]

[groaning]

[breathing heavily]

♪♪♪

[groaning]

[sniffles]

♪♪♪

[vomits]

[spits]

[exhales heavily]

♪♪♪

[groaning]

♪♪♪

[breathing heavily]

♪♪♪

[vomits]

♪♪♪

[breathing heavily]

♪♪♪

[groaning]

[sniffles]

♪♪♪

[sighs]

♪♪♪

[crying]

♪♪♪

[man] It was only about
two blocks from my house.

I was woken up by the sound,
a crashing sound.

♪♪♪

And I could hear
myself screaming.

♪♪♪

I had crashed my car
into the back of a moving van.

♪♪♪

There was glass everywhere.

Airbag deployed.
My nose was bleeding.

♪♪♪

I didn't feel any pain
till much later,

but I didn't care about myself.

♪♪♪

I just kept thinking...

I could have killed someone.

This is...really hard
for me to talk about.

♪♪♪

♪ rock music ♪

♪♪♪

Whose porn is this?

It's mine.
Giving it to KJ now.

Oh, why you getting rid
of your porn, tater tot?

Just the
girl-on-girl stuff.

Kinda makes me sad.

Yeah.

Seen it.

Seen it.

In it.

♪♪♪