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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,103
What's going on?
Nothing.
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,771
Ooh, "nothing" means the
best kind of something.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:06,772
Let me see.
No.
4
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:07,773
Let me see.
No.
5
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:10,376
You... Ow!
6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:14,213
will's online
dating profile?
7
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:17,182
Thank you, santa.
8
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,884
A lot of people are doing it.
9
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:21,020
Yeah, a lot of losers.
10
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,354
Oh, cut him some slack.
11
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,356
He's had a hard time meeting
women since the divorce.
12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,557
And who says
my dream woman
13
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,859
Isn't waiting for me
on the internet?
14
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,961
And who says she
won't turn out to be
15
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,096
A 50-year-old guy
from encino?
16
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,866
Hi, will. You like
the picture of me
17
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,367
In the pretty sundress?
18
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,437
: Well, surprise,
here are my balls.
19
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,387
This book that
mommy's making you
20
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,890
Is gonna get you into
the best preschool ever.
21
00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:00,392
Aw. Charlie,
here you are at the park.
22
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,394
And here you are
eating ice cream.
23
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,763
And here you are
playing first cello
24
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,131
With the l.A.
Symphony orchestra.
25
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,501
Thank you, photoshop.
Wow, honey.
26
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,070
Applying to preschool's
really brought out
27
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,072
The crazy-ass crazy in you.
28
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,873
Okay, crestlake kids get into
the best elementary schools,
29
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:15,941
And then the best high schools,
30
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:18,277
And then, of course,
the best colleges.
31
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,846
Charlie, this book is just
gonna make the other toddlers
32
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,415
Look like a bunch of d-bags.
33
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,750
Come on, big boy.
34
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,585
Let's go put the best diaper
on that best butt.
35
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,253
Here we go.
36
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,089
Guys, something
terrible happened.
37
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,957
My assistant's mother died.
38
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,759
That is terrible.
39
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:38,163
I know. She's taking
the whole week off.
40
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,467
Well, if you need
an assistant, I can do it.
41
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:42,968
I don't have any
auditions this week,
42
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,436
And I could really
use the money.
43
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,873
Oh, yeah, it's just that
I need someone who's efficient,
44
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,442
Discreet, detail-oriented.
45
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,878
Sounds like you
don't think I can do it.
46
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,147
Oh, good, then I'm being clear.
47
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,149
See, here's the thing.
48
00:01:57,151 --> 00:02:00,619
Working for kate
can be very... Difficult.
49
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,622
I'm sorry, honey, I just really
need someone who's professional.
50
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:07,559
Oh, you still blame me
for the delta pi spring formal.
51
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,295
You beg to be my co-chair,
and I let you.
52
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,797
But you screwed up
the booze order,
53
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,665
And we ran out
of drinks by 9:00.
54
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,135
I had to have sex
with a freshman...
55
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:18,003
:
Sober.
56
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,638
Okay, that was ten years ago.
57
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,507
Please just give me a chance.
58
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,642
all right, fine.
59
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,777
Plus, I can get you
cheaper than a real person,
60
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,179
So let's give it a shot.
61
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,315
: I'm gonna
be the best assistant ever.
62
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,917
Don't use that voice at work.
63
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,688
Hi, lowell.
Hey.
64
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,323
Hi. Can we have two
coffees to go, please?
65
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,324
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
66
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,759
Yeah, we're kind
of in a hurry
67
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,261
To get to this
preschool interview.
68
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,830
Aw, our charlie's
going to preschool.
69
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,998
Oh, if we get in.
70
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,766
I just, I can't believe
that you wore jeans.
71
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,935
Why didn't you wear
what I laid out for you?
72
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,870
'cause I'm not three.
Okay, let's go over it
73
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,772
One more time.
We don't need
to go over it
74
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,207
One more time.
Okay, you say that,
75
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,675
But then you get in the room,
76
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,510
You get nervous, and
you just fall apart.
77
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,445
So, remember.
78
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:01,847
Don't over-nod.
79
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,949
Mm-hmm. Don't keep
saying "awesome."
80
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,517
I will try to
contain my awesomes.
81
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,020
And don't answer a question
with a question.
82
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,221
We clear?
83
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,456
Why don't you just shove
your hand up my ass
84
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,359
And operate my mouth?
85
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,861
Question with a question.
86
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,096
And, yes, if that were an
option, we'd already be there.
87
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,869
Look at the parents
in this brochure.
88
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,872
Okay? Gay, lesbian,
indian, handicapped.
89
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,874
Handicapped and
indian-- lucky.
90
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,544
We are so ordinary, we
don't have a prayer.
91
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,646
Why do we have to
be so caucasian?
92
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,548
Andi, will you
stop worrying?
93
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,884
She's gonna love us, she's
gonna love the album you made.
94
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:39,885
Oh, my god, the album.
95
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,386
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no.
96
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,088
I left the album
at namaste.
97
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,089
We've got nothing.
98
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,390
No, we're good people.
99
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,491
We love our son.
100
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,293
We have nothing.
101
00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:51,396
Good morning, I'm
frances bowmont.
102
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,731
Shall we?
103
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,900
Nice to meet you,
mrs. Bowmont-shall we.
104
00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:57,869
He's being funny.
105
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,404
Don't be funny.
106
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,073
Please, follow me,
and let's find out
107
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,408
If you and crestlake
are a good fit.
108
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,111
Okay, I guess
it's do-or-die time.
109
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,512
Now or never.
110
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,848
All comes down to this.
111
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,318
Come on, let's go.
112
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:20,459
Well, then.
113
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,927
How are we today?
114
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,095
Good, good.
Yeah.
115
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:25,697
So good, we're really,
we're just so good.
116
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,532
And, um...
117
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,868
Plus, also, I might add,
uh, lovers of education.
118
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,270
And charlie, too,
he loves it.
119
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,205
He loves math
and science and the, uh,
120
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,574
The-the english and...
All the other ones.
121
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,043
All the educations.
122
00:04:39,545 --> 00:04:41,146
Are you okay?
123
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,382
Me?
124
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,750
I'm awesome.
125
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:49,655
Good morning, ms. Pearce.
126
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,223
Hey, jules, would
you like a muffin?
127
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,491
Oh, no, I'm good, actually.
128
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,059
Don't like to eat
on the job.
129
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,160
That was a friendship offer,
130
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,628
And you gave me a
business response.
131
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,664
Excellent.
Oh.
132
00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,998
That's not a real
muffin, anyway.
133
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,500
It's a scented candle.
134
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,901
Now as you know,
135
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,304
I manage the online
presence of celebrities,
136
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,973
So you can't freak out
if, say, beyoncé calls.
137
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,642
I would say,
"hello, mrs. Carter."
138
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,846
Inside, I'd be doing my happy
dance, but she would never know.
139
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,081
Excellent.
140
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,150
Uh, now, I need you
to get andi a gift
141
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,118
To thank her for recommending
a birthing class
142
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,820
To one of justin
bieber's people.
143
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,655
So, just pick out
something she'll like.
144
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,957
Are you sure
you trust me to do this?
145
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,592
I mean, you're
a legendary gift giver.
146
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,261
There's no way I can
compete with that.
147
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:30,495
I know, I'm
just really busy.
148
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,097
Last night, rihanna
assaulted a stewardess
149
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,932
With an airsickness bag.
150
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,868
So, I'm just
really stressed out.
151
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,570
Light my muffin.
152
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,674
That is when
we realized that charlie
153
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,243
Had some deep
insights into life.
154
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,346
So, he's two?
155
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,680
He's whatever age
you want him to be.
156
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,619
Well, I think I've heard enough.
157
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,492
Oh, g'day, g'day.
158
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:01,827
Sorry I didn't
get here sooner.
159
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,528
I got the brief
history of our charlie.
160
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,864
This place is great.
161
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,400
All the green space,
the sustainable playground,
162
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,801
The solar panels.
163
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,337
And that garden?
164
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,906
I just love the idea
of charlie running around here,
165
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,376
Growing his own snacks.
166
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,412
Sustainability's very
important to us here.
167
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,713
Oh, and good on you.
168
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,315
Bringing it home
for our charlie.
169
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,050
You know, I'm a little confused.
170
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,587
Why do you keep referring
to their son as "our charlie"?
171
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,026
Because he's the dad.
172
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,495
Say again?
173
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,398
I thought dr. Mcallister
was the dad.
174
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,866
: Well...
Uh, he is, he is.
175
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,667
Of course I'm...
He and lowell.
176
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:43,735
They're gay.
177
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:44,836
They're-they're...
178
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,271
They're, uh,
they're-they're...
179
00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,939
They're gay dads.
Two gay dads.
180
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,075
and I'm the, uh, the-the...
181
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,410
The surrogate.
182
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,912
Got another one in the oven
'cause I just...
183
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,148
Love me some
gay, gay dads.
184
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,917
Two dads,
185
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,919
And a highly involved
surrogate mother.
186
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,254
Mm-hmm.
187
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,290
We don't have one of those.
188
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,359
¶ ¶
189
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,600
I'm back!
Where have you been?
190
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,135
The phone's
been blowing up.
191
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,404
Oh, I've been searching
like crazy for andi's gift.
192
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,606
I-I broke a nail,
I broke a heel,
193
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,942
But I finally
found the perfect silver...
Jules,
194
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,278
I don't have time for this.
Just handle it like an adult.
195
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,284
Kate pearce's office.
196
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,618
Will:
Jules, it's will.
197
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,653
Put kate on.
198
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,887
Hold a moment.
199
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,290
It's a dr. William stokes
on the line.
200
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,791
Okay, here's a list
of three things.
201
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,226
Do them all first.
202
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,494
On it.
203
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:43,895
You have 30 seconds. Go.
204
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,263
Hey, remember how you said
that online dating
205
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,598
Was just for losers?
206
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,301
Well, this loser is
getting a ton of winks
207
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,169
From some very attractive women.
208
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,304
Russian brides?
209
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,438
Lady hobbits?
210
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,474
The incontinent?
211
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,477
Joke all you want, but I find it
ironic that you mock me,
212
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:02,481
And yet I am crushing it,
while you are all alone.
213
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,516
I have plenty of dates, will.
214
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:05,917
No, you have plenty of sex
215
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,185
With questionable men.
216
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,321
I don't need to go online
to meet eligible men.
217
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,356
I get it. You're afraid
you won't get any winks.
218
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,091
Please, I would get
a ton of winks.
219
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,593
Really? I think
you'd be winkless.
220
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,828
I would out-wink you ten to one.
221
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,996
I doubt it.
222
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,198
I'm abraham winkin.
223
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,668
I'm rip van winkle.
224
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,737
I'm the wink panther.
225
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,241
Oh, I am a delight.
226
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,477
Winkless.
227
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,349
All right, eharmony,
I will give you a shot.
228
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,618
Five words to describe me.
229
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,621
Strong, powerful,
230
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:46,491
Driven, relentless...
231
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,560
Fun.
232
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,666
Bobby, please,
can we just let it go?
233
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,234
Oh, yeah, you're right.
What's the big deal?
234
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,137
I mean, I woke up this
morning married to a woman,
235
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,739
And now I'm married to a man.
236
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:04,576
I'm sorry. I-I saw us going
down in flames and I panicked.
237
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,678
no, no. We weren't
going down in flames,
238
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,480
You were going
down in flames.
239
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:09,714
With your awesomes
and your nodding
240
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,816
And all the things
you told me not to do.
241
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,552
I'm sorry, I got nervous.
242
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,053
It's unethical,
not to mention crazy.
243
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,721
Andi, call her and
tell her the truth.
244
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,723
Fine.
245
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,859
You're up.
246
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,061
Hi, girls.
Hey.
Hi.
247
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,563
So, how'd it go at work?
248
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,232
Jules was
fantastically adequate.
249
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,333
Oh.
Aw, thank you.
250
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,734
Sure. Uh, so listen,
251
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,770
We're on our way
to spin, but
252
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,872
I wanted to drop a little
something off for you
253
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,907
To thank you for helping
me with the bieber thing.
254
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,242
Aw.
255
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,446
Silver elephant
salt and pepper shakers.
256
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,281
They're beautiful.
257
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,083
You remembered
that I love elephants.
258
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,084
Yeah, yeah.
259
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,420
Of course, elephants...
260
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,021
Are your thing.
Yeah.
261
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:52,924
Actually, I-I'm the one who...
262
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,593
Understands the distinction
263
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,128
Between professional
and personal,
264
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:00,065
Assistant and friend.
265
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:03,702
Alive and dead.
266
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,973
I just had
a fantastic date.
267
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,308
Her name's lila, and I think
she could be a keeper.
268
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,911
We met for coffee,
coffee turned into a walk,
269
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:16,381
A walk evolved into meaningful
stares, suggestive silences
270
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,049
And provocative
hand-holding.
271
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,119
So you're saying
you spent the afternoon
272
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,355
At a seventh grade dance.
273
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,226
I'm bringing her
to dinner on Friday.
274
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,629
Whoa, dinner
with the group?
275
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,063
Bold move.
276
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,399
Bold guy.
Mm.
277
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,301
Hope you won't feel weird being
the only one without a date.
278
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,169
Actually, I didn't
tell you this before,
279
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,472
But I, too, have found
someone fantastic
280
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:43,308
With real long-term potential.
281
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,978
Wink back, wink back,
wink back, wink back.
282
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,815
One of you bastards has
got to be free Friday night.
283
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,484
jules:
Kate?
284
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,619
Uh, not now, I'm...
285
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,354
Masturbating.
286
00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,393
And I finished.
287
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,333
Here is
the victoria beckham file,
288
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,968
The monthly financials,
289
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:13,838
And here's the stab your
friends in the heart file.
290
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,508
Well, this does not seem
like it's going to be good.
291
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:19,611
This is a list of all
the gifts "you've" bought
292
00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:20,945
For the last five years.
293
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,714
I found it on denise's computer.
294
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,517
Well, I don't think denise would
appreciate you snooping...
295
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,686
You haven't picked
one gift for any of us.
296
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,689
Kate, you always talk about
personal versus professional,
297
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,824
And now you're using
professional for personal,
298
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,359
And personally,
I find that unprofessional,
299
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,360
And I'm telling everyone.
300
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,895
No, you're not.
301
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,663
Because I own everything
you do and learn
302
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,532
In this office
from 9:00 to 5:00.
303
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,634
That is what it means
to be professional.
304
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:45,537
So grow a thicker skin...
And let's go get a drink,
305
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,238
'cause it's 5:01, girl!
306
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,274
What what?
Friendship time!
307
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,647
All right,
I'll catch you at the bar.
308
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,722
Hello?
309
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,590
Yes, this is she.
310
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,259
Really?
311
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,228
Absolutely, yes,
we'll be there.
312
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,730
Great, thank you.
313
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,232
Guess who made it to
their second round of interviews
314
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,600
At crestlake hills?
315
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,001
That's great!
316
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,637
And we didn't have to fabricate
a crazy gay dad story.
317
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:22,607
You didn't call.
318
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,275
I did...
319
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,844
Not call. Lowell?
320
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,447
Are you free Monday at 11:00
for a second interview?
321
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,750
Absolutely!
Anything for our charlie.
322
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,918
All right, so, what,
so if I don't go along
323
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,954
With this, I'm
the bad guy, right?
324
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,655
Exactly.
You'd be a monster.
325
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,626
Okay, so, if we get in,
326
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,762
Lowell and I are supposed
to pretend to be married
327
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:44,929
For the next
three years?
328
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,364
No, of course not.
329
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,600
If we get in,
you guys will break up.
330
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,935
You'll be two divorced gay dads.
331
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,472
Oh, see, I don't know;
divorce is really hard on kids.
332
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,674
Maybe we should
stay together for charlie.
333
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:06,718
Andi:
Okay, dads.
334
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,753
Let's put our heads together.
We need to come up
335
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,388
With a background story
of how you two met.
336
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,623
So do you have
any ideas?
337
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,792
Okay, how about
if we met surfing?
338
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,994
Yes, see that-that
sounds cool.
339
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,630
I like that,
I love that, I do, I do.
340
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:21,566
But what if instead of surfing,
you guys met at a museum?
341
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,401
Okay, yeah.
Mm.
342
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,003
Uh-huh.
I like surfing.
343
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:28,006
I-I still think, bobby,
that your idea about the museum,
344
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,174
So much stronger.
345
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,708
Let's just stick
with that, okay?
346
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,479
She's a tough one, bob.
347
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,881
At least we got each other.
348
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:39,851
So you guys
met online?
349
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:40,852
Yeah.
Yeah.
350
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,654
I winked at him,
and then we met,
351
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,490
And he turned out to be
so open and honest
352
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,392
And handsome.
353
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,094
I-I wouldn't say
handsome, but...
354
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,864
I mean, since you did.
355
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,999
You guys are so cute.
356
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,568
We are cute.
357
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,771
I am here with my date.
358
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,407
Spoiler alert: He's delightful.
359
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:05,510
How are you. Bobby.
Hey, tim kayler.
360
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,845
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
361
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,813
Hey, tim kayler.
Nice to meet you.
362
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:09,948
Tim kayler. Pleasure.
363
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,450
I'm lowell.
Fantastic.
364
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,620
Hi, I'm will.
This is my date, lila.
365
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,355
And this is my
date, tim kayler.
366
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,457
How you doing?
Tim kayler.
367
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:23,127
Ceo of kayler
microdevices.
368
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,229
Oh, really?
369
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,463
What is a microdevice?
370
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,498
Oh, god, they're integral
to everything,
371
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,400
From the toys
our children play with
372
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:32,103
To the nerve gas that
kills our enemies.
373
00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:34,739
How'd you two meet?
374
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,074
Online.
375
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,642
Online?
376
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,143
Kayler:
Funny story.
377
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,846
My company makes the servers
that power the site.
378
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:44,315
God's honest truth.
379
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,617
Tim kayler.
380
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,387
We just met.
381
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,089
Okay, great to reconnect.
382
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,758
Hey, anybody else thirsty?
383
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,060
I brought
a mind-boggling barolo.
384
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,395
Oh, I love
italian wine.
385
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,730
You got to love italian wine!
386
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,098
Am I right?
387
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,167
Yeah, why don't we, uh,
go ahead and open up this...
388
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,403
Mind-boggling italian
wine for you guys.
389
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,639
I'm full of baby, so
I'm just gonna watch.
390
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,409
So, uh, I thought you said
391
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,745
Online dating was
just for losers.
392
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:14,746
Oh, I thought it was,
393
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,581
But when I saw how
well you were doing,
394
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,082
I decided to
stick my toe in,
395
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:20,985
And that little piggy found
itself some tim kayler.
396
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:25,089
You know what?
I'm-I'm just happy you're happy.
397
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:29,527
And I'm happy my date blows
your date out of the water.
398
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,429
You don't even know lila.
399
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,865
Is she a millionaire
with a private jet?
400
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,199
'cause you know who is?
401
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,735
Kayler:
Salute!
402
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,337
All:
Salute.
403
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:42,674
:
Tim kayler.
404
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,277
Hey, did you guys hear
lila works for a foundation
405
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,479
That feeds children
in africa?
406
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,648
We put together packages
to send to impoverished
407
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,317
And war-torn areas.
408
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,053
Just when you think lila
can't get any better, bam!
409
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,622
Some poor kid in africa
gets his belly filled.
410
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,892
Wait, are you with
hands across africa?
411
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:04,562
Kayler microdevices is a proud
sponsor of hands across africa!
412
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,131
Kate:
Do you hear that?
413
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,901
My date sponsors
your date,
414
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,971
So suck it.
415
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,840
:
Oh, this one.
416
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,809
She's a firecracker.
417
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,644
I want to take
you to paris.
418
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,145
Kate:
Oh, my god.
419
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,847
You hear that?
420
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:25,817
Yeah, I heard it;
I'm right here.
421
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:26,985
Wow, paris.
That's amazing.
422
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,920
How come you never
take me to paris?
423
00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:30,455
If I'm taking
anybody to paris,
424
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,823
It's gonna be
my husband.
425
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,393
Bob, you're the best.
426
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,664
It's funny because you
mocked me for being single,
427
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,999
And yet here I am
428
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,334
With the perfect date.
429
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,270
So, when are we
going to paris?
430
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,539
Tomorrow.
431
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,274
And that's when I'm
gonna put a baby in you.
432
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,382
What?
433
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,884
Mm-hmm. You will
give birth to my heir.
434
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,986
And if it's a girl,
we'll just keep trying
435
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,254
Till you get it right.
436
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,926
Salute!
437
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:19,170
You may want to
come back in here;
438
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,239
He's talking baby names.
439
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,544
Do you want to torture me,
or can I just admit defeat?
440
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,713
You won, okay?
Congratulations.
441
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,649
Kate, it was never
supposed to be a competition.
442
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,918
Yeah, I know, it's just...
443
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,055
You know, when you met someone
you actually liked, I panicked.
444
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,890
:
One date.
445
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,225
Yeah, but look how fast
it happened for jules.
446
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,761
I mean, up until today,
447
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,831
You and I were
partners in misery.
448
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,400
Now...
449
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,337
What if I end up being the only
single one left in our group?
450
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:59,143
What if I never
find anyone?
451
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,680
You will.
452
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,083
You're great.
453
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,018
You're-you're too great
to be summed up
454
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,353
In an online dating profile.
455
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:13,825
You're an amazing, strong,
beautiful woman.
456
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,830
Tim kayler wouldn't
put his baby in just anyone.
457
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,101
Come on, let's go
make fun of him together.
458
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,471
I'd like that.
459
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:30,942
What's going on?
Where's lila?
460
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:34,612
She excused herself to go
to the bathroom and left.
461
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,714
With all of our wallets.
462
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,583
What?
463
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,918
No, she didn't,
mine's right...
464
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,053
Son of a...
465
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:45,256
So, little miss
feed the children is a criminal.
466
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,892
Which means you lose,
I win, and it's too late
467
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,496
To take back all those
nice things you said.
468
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,065
Oh, hey, good news everybody!
469
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,134
She didn't take my cocaine!
470
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,839
All right, it's a tie.
471
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,277
Okay, one last time.
472
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,279
Your hobbies include
racquetball and antiquing.
473
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,647
Okay.
474
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,749
Okay, you know what?
Let me deal with the backstory,
475
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,417
You guys just sit there
and look pretty.
476
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,022
I'm ready for you.
477
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,458
Oh, uh, just the parents.
478
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,726
Oh.
479
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,329
Interesting.
480
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,430
Just the parents.
481
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,699
Bowmont: You know,
I never did hear
482
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,334
How the two
of you met.
483
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,270
Oh, surfing.
484
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,280
Mrs. Bowmont!
I love it,
I love that.
485
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,681
Oh, my goodness.
486
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,516
Congratulations.
Here's your enrollment packet.
487
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,651
Thank you.
488
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,152
I look forward
to seeing you soon.
489
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:49,153
See you soon.
490
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,621
Enrollment packet?
491
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,290
We've been accepted.
492
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,626
: Oh, my god,
that's awesome!
493
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,528
Turns out, they like
a gay surfing couple
494
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,197
Who doesn't like
racquetball or antiquing.
495
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:05,169
Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
496
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,171
I know that I've just
been so crazy lately,
497
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,372
But I just...
498
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,074
I needed to make
sure that charlie
499
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,809
Was going to be
in the best hands.
500
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,978
It's okay. And I know
preschool's a big step.
501
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,479
For you and charlie.
502
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,715
I love you.
Get over here.
503
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,716
I love you.
504
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,384
Aw, see,
that's romance, that is...
505
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,385
Bloody disgusting!
506
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,154
Get off my husband!
507
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,061
What if we had
some kind of freaky
508
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:31,195
Three-way thing
going on?
509
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,130
Do you have
one of those?
510
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,704
Jules, those shoes
are gorgeous.
511
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,440
Thank you.
Kate got them for me.
512
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,342
I did?
513
00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,409
Yes, remember?
514
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,112
To thank me for being
such a great assistant.
515
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,581
So professional
and so discreet.
516
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,351
Ah, now I remember.
517
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,720
You are such
a good gift giver.
518
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:59,257
I mean, these are so me
and clearly so expensive.
519
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,058
Bracelet, too?
520
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,561
Oh. So generous.
521
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:06,230
You're fired.
522
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,532
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