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1
00:00:06,896 --> 00:00:08,206
Hey, what are you doing
tonight?
2
00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:10,068
It's a weeknight,
so nothing.
3
00:00:10,172 --> 00:00:12,344
Cool. Well, my college buddy
Todd is in town,
4
00:00:12,448 --> 00:00:14,517
and you should come hang out
with us.
5
00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:15,724
You don't understand.
6
00:00:15,827 --> 00:00:17,137
Nothing is
what I'm doing.
7
00:00:17,241 --> 00:00:18,586
I literally have "nothing"
in my calendar
8
00:00:18,689 --> 00:00:20,068
every night this week,
and it's the only thing
9
00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:21,517
getting me
through the day.
10
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:23,965
Now drive me home
to my cat daughter.
11
00:00:24,068 --> 00:00:27,275
♪♪
12
00:00:27,379 --> 00:00:30,103
Jake, I'm going to tell you
something,
13
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:32,379
and I don't want you
to freak out.
14
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:33,862
I'm driving us
to the bar.
15
00:00:33,965 --> 00:00:34,896
Matt, no.
16
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,172
It's for your own good.
17
00:00:36,275 --> 00:00:38,000
You need to have more fun
with your life.
18
00:00:38,103 --> 00:00:39,758
Nothing you can say
will stop me.
19
00:00:39,862 --> 00:00:41,275
Also, earlier
I stole your phone,
20
00:00:41,379 --> 00:00:42,517
and I hid it,
and I'm not giving it
21
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,068
back to you until the end
of the night.
22
00:00:44,172 --> 00:00:45,724
Matt,
we agreed to carpool,
23
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:46,965
which is a sacred contract
24
00:00:47,068 --> 00:00:49,000
upheld by
the American legal system.
25
00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:50,344
We're almost
at my street.
26
00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:51,965
If you don't turn right,
this is kidnapping,
27
00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:53,275
and you're going to jail.
28
00:00:53,379 --> 00:00:56,000
♪ We don't know, we don't care
29
00:00:56,103 --> 00:00:59,103
Okay. You want to play games?
I'll play games.
30
00:00:59,206 --> 00:01:01,241
You've vastly overestimated
my will to live.
31
00:01:01,344 --> 00:01:03,517
I'll grab that wheel
and kill us both -- easy.
32
00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:05,137
The cops are gonna find
our cold, dead bodies
33
00:01:05,241 --> 00:01:06,517
in a ditch somewhere,
Matt.
34
00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:07,965
Think about how sad
your parents will be.
35
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,310
Matt, turn right!
36
00:01:09,413 --> 00:01:11,137
Matt,
turn right right now!
37
00:01:11,241 --> 00:01:13,068
Matt, turn right,
turn right!
38
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:16,689
Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt,
Matt, Matt!
39
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:18,931
[ Sighs ]
40
00:01:19,034 --> 00:01:20,793
Goddamn it,
you used to fear me more.
41
00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:30,620
♪♪
42
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:40,241
♪♪
43
00:01:40,344 --> 00:01:41,413
[ Indistinct conversations ]
44
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,310
This is so Todd,
to be late.
45
00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:45,172
I've ended lifelong friendships
over people
46
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:46,586
being five minutes late --
47
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,000
people I love,
blood relatives I've abandoned
48
00:01:49,103 --> 00:01:50,310
and never spoken to again.
49
00:01:50,413 --> 00:01:51,896
40 minutes late
without a text.
50
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,068
Kill this person.
51
00:01:53,172 --> 00:01:55,413
Dude, you are going
to love Todd.
52
00:01:55,517 --> 00:01:57,862
[ Sighs ]We used to do so much
crazy shit together in college.
53
00:01:57,965 --> 00:02:01,206
We'd get drunk and throw things
out our dorm window --
54
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:03,793
water balloons,
textbooks,
55
00:02:03,896 --> 00:02:05,137
stuff we really needed.
56
00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:06,689
One time Todd got drunk
and almost threw
57
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,965
a cat out the window,
but I was like, "Todd, don't,"
58
00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:12,137
but he almost did
and it was so funny.
59
00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:13,862
Boy, we really needed
all that stuff, though.
60
00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:15,620
You should never meet people
from your friend's past.
61
00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:18,137
They're like a time capsule
of bad personality traits.
62
00:02:18,241 --> 00:02:19,586
Jake,
you need to lighten up.
63
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,034
When you get to the end
of your life,
64
00:02:21,137 --> 00:02:22,206
you're gonna look back
65
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,034
and wish
that you had more fun.
66
00:02:24,137 --> 00:02:25,137
At the end of my life,
I'll be dead.
67
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:26,344
[ Women cheering ]
68
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:28,172
Look.
They're having a good time.
69
00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:29,413
They're young and dumb,
70
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,965
so they still think
this is what fun is.
71
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,310
They have no idea they're
actually having a terrible time.
72
00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:34,413
It's honestly tragic.
73
00:02:34,517 --> 00:02:35,793
Now give me back
my phone.
74
00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:37,724
It's not on me,
and you'll never find it.
75
00:02:37,827 --> 00:02:41,206
Fatty Matty,
my good dude!
76
00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:42,931
Tee-Oh-Double-Dee!
77
00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:44,206
[ Both laughing ]
78
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,896
How the hell are you,
man?
79
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,103
Dude,
crazy night so far.
80
00:02:49,206 --> 00:02:50,448
Who's the suit?
-Okay.
81
00:02:50,551 --> 00:02:52,517
Who is this Hertz
Rent a Car associate?
82
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:53,931
-[ Laughs ]
-What is it,
83
00:02:54,034 --> 00:02:55,137
"Take your boss
to the bar night"
84
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,206
or something?
85
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,310
Yeah,
I am his boss.
86
00:02:57,413 --> 00:02:58,586
And you just
got him fired.
87
00:02:58,689 --> 00:02:59,689
Ooh!
88
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,000
[ Laughs ] All right.
89
00:03:01,103 --> 00:03:03,482
Jake, this is Todd.
Todd, Jake.
90
00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:06,793
You're both my dudes, and
now you're each other's dudes.
91
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,103
Oh!
92
00:03:08,206 --> 00:03:11,896
Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Handshake Sir.
93
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,724
I hope your finances
are business.
94
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,517
I'm only playing
with you, dude.
95
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,310
Any friend of the fat one
is a brother of mine.
96
00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:21,586
All right. I'm gonna go
get us some shots.
97
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:23,344
Uh, Matt, you cool
if I put it on your tab?
98
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:25,344
I stopped using credit cards
'cause of banks.
99
00:03:25,448 --> 00:03:26,827
Yeah, yeah,
no problem.
100
00:03:26,931 --> 00:03:28,620
Cool.
101
00:03:28,724 --> 00:03:31,862
Guys, let's drink
to this moment right now.
102
00:03:31,965 --> 00:03:33,206
The past -- fuck that.
103
00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:35,931
The future,
mm, okay, maybe.
104
00:03:36,034 --> 00:03:37,689
But right now?
105
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:38,827
Yes, please.
106
00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,862
-Amen.
-Cheers.
107
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,689
[ Groaning ]
108
00:03:44,793 --> 00:03:46,068
Ouch!
109
00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:47,482
Aw, man,
super wet table.
110
00:03:47,586 --> 00:03:49,931
Dude. So, bro,
how's it been going, man?
111
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:51,000
It's been forever.
112
00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:55,965
Dudes, I have been traveling.
113
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:58,310
Went to Paris --
Did so much molly.
114
00:03:58,413 --> 00:04:00,448
Cut to me on a fjord
in Norway
115
00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:02,689
stoned out of my mind --
I don't know much,
116
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,482
but I do know
that I'm on molly.
117
00:04:04,586 --> 00:04:06,620
Spent Friendsgiving
in Zermatt
118
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:09,517
with Beck microdosing
on an alpine slide --
119
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:12,172
I go to Guadalajara --
I did everything but
120
00:04:12,275 --> 00:04:14,275
with an heiress
to the guacamole fortune.
121
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,344
You haven't experienced
the 'mids --
122
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,413
And when I say "the 'mids,"
I mean the pyramids --
123
00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:20,241
until you've seen them
on Adderall.
124
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,413
If you mix peyote
and mimosas,
125
00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:25,448
it gives you sonar --
like a bat or a dolphin.
126
00:04:25,551 --> 00:04:30,137
Then I did ayahuasca in SoCal
and vommed on my sham.
127
00:04:30,241 --> 00:04:31,344
[ Groans ]
128
00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:32,931
She was pissed,
but we're cool.
129
00:04:33,034 --> 00:04:35,586
By the way, Fatty, if you are
ever looking for a shaman,
130
00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:36,793
I could totally hook you up.
131
00:04:36,896 --> 00:04:38,206
Oh, yeah,
I'd love to get her info.
132
00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,000
What are you up to,
fat one?
133
00:04:40,103 --> 00:04:42,379
Last time I saw you, you were
housing a whole pizza
134
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:43,827
and now you're working
some corporate gig?
135
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:47,137
Yeah. It sucks,
but it's actually pretty cool.
136
00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:49,724
Uh, my bosses are super chill,
and they let me do whatever.
137
00:04:49,827 --> 00:04:51,206
Also, if I stay there
long enough,
138
00:04:51,310 --> 00:04:52,551
I'll rise up
in the company,
139
00:04:52,655 --> 00:04:54,000
be able to take it down
from the inside.
140
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,172
Yeah,
Matt's right on the verge
141
00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:56,551
of becoming
a domestic terrorist.
142
00:04:56,655 --> 00:04:58,724
By the way, Todd,
how do you make money?
143
00:04:58,827 --> 00:05:00,586
I'm actually king of
in between gigs right now.
144
00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:03,137
My last boss fired me because
he totally had it out for me
145
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:05,413
because his wife was, like,
in love with me, which --
146
00:05:05,517 --> 00:05:06,689
not my fault,
you know?
147
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:08,310
She was hot, though.
We fucked.
148
00:05:08,413 --> 00:05:10,275
I mean, we didn't, but we did.
You know what I'm talking about.
149
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,000
-Yeah.
-Hey!
150
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,724
How's your night
going?
151
00:05:14,827 --> 00:05:16,931
Oh, my God.
152
00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:21,310
There are a bunch of goddesses
roaming around here tonight.
153
00:05:21,413 --> 00:05:22,655
-[ Chuckles ]
-Ah!
154
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:24,448
You should go talk
to her.
155
00:05:24,551 --> 00:05:25,448
I'm a coyote.
156
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:26,655
[ Hand smacks ]
157
00:05:26,758 --> 00:05:27,862
[ Laughs ]
158
00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:29,896
I hate him so much.You're just jealous
159
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,551
'cause he's still having fun
with his life.
160
00:05:31,655 --> 00:05:32,827
You could learn a lot
from Todd.
161
00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,344
Todd is a drifter
and a drug dealer.
162
00:05:34,448 --> 00:05:35,551
No, he's not.
163
00:05:35,655 --> 00:05:37,448
He's dealing someone drugs
right now.
164
00:05:39,344 --> 00:05:40,379
Okay, narc.
165
00:05:40,482 --> 00:05:42,000
Your entire personality
has reverted
166
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:43,000
back to being
in college.
167
00:05:43,103 --> 00:05:44,310
How is that
a bad thing?
168
00:05:44,413 --> 00:05:46,241
College are the best years
of your life.
169
00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:47,793
-Smoke?
-Hell yeah.
170
00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:49,448
Jesus, Matt.
171
00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:52,689
We should collaborate
on something.
172
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:54,241
Dude,
I would love to collab.
173
00:05:54,344 --> 00:05:55,241
What are you thinking?
174
00:05:55,344 --> 00:05:57,275
Mm, art?
Maybe an app?
175
00:05:57,379 --> 00:05:59,517
Oh, dude -- art app!
176
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,275
Oh! Dude, I've always wanted
to start my own record label.
177
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:03,310
Oh, yeah?
178
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:06,379
Dude. Check it out.
179
00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:09,000
Parking ticket.
180
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:10,965
Do you remember
what we used to do?[ Laughing ] Yeah.
181
00:06:11,068 --> 00:06:12,931
Do you remember what we used
to fucking do?
182
00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:15,586
Mr. Handshake Man,
check this shit out --
183
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:17,758
the old switcheroo.
184
00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:21,448
Fuck the system!
185
00:06:21,551 --> 00:06:22,724
[ Normal voice ]
Fuck the system!
186
00:06:22,827 --> 00:06:23,827
[ Laughs ]
187
00:06:23,931 --> 00:06:25,965
I'll bet his dad
is a district attorney.
188
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,103
Whoa.
How'd you know that?
189
00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:28,862
My name is Todd!
190
00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:31,896
Todd! You maniac.
191
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:37,896
♪ I could tell the minute
that I saw him ♪
192
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:44,655
♪ He was nothing
but the troublemakin' kind ♪
193
00:06:44,758 --> 00:06:47,793
♪ His hair was much too long
194
00:06:47,896 --> 00:06:51,103
♪ And his motley group
of friends ♪
195
00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:56,896
♪ Had nothing but rebellion
on their minds ♪
196
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,448
[ Gunshot ]
197
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:04,620
♪ He's rejected
the establishment completely ♪
198
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:10,965
♪ And I know for sure
he's never had a job ♪
199
00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:15,413
♪ He just goes
from place to place ♪
200
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:17,758
♪ Stirring up the young folk
201
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:23,620
♪ Till they're nothing
but a disrespectful mob ♪
202
00:07:24,551 --> 00:07:25,931
Oh, dude.
[ Clears throat ]
203
00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,689
I'm in town for one more night
tomorrow night
204
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:30,034
to see this really sick band,
Honeyscratch.
205
00:07:30,137 --> 00:07:31,965
I'm sort of like really
good friends of the band.
206
00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:33,310
I could totally get you
in for free
207
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:34,551
if you pay me
for the ticket.
208
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,655
Cool.
Yeah, I would love to.
209
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,724
Mr. Handshake Man,
you in?
210
00:07:38,827 --> 00:07:40,517
No, you're never gonna
see me again.
211
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:42,310
Todd: [ Laughs ]
212
00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:43,862
I love this guy!
Hilarious.
213
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,206
All right. I'll see you
tomorrow night,
214
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:46,482
Fat Matthew, okay?
215
00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:48,551
Peace money.
216
00:07:50,689 --> 00:07:52,724
[ Groans ]
I might be too drunk to drive.
217
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:54,689
Really? That's crazy, because
you've only been drinking
218
00:07:54,793 --> 00:07:56,551
for four straight hours.
219
00:07:58,413 --> 00:08:01,482
[ Distorted white noise ]
220
00:08:05,034 --> 00:08:07,586
[ Loud crunching ]
221
00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:15,586
[ Explosions ]
222
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,586
[ Crashing, glass shattering ]
223
00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:22,206
[ Thunder crashes, rumbles ]
224
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:29,551
[ Discordant white noise,
indistinct growling ]
225
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,482
What?I said, "There's no way
226
00:08:36,586 --> 00:08:38,344
you're going to that concert
tonight."
227
00:08:38,448 --> 00:08:39,551
I'm definitely going.
228
00:08:39,655 --> 00:08:40,862
I just need to drink
plenty of fluids,
229
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:43,241
caffeinate,
and wait out this headache.
230
00:08:43,344 --> 00:08:45,620
I used to do this all the time
when I was hungover in college.
231
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:47,172
Those days
are long gone.
232
00:08:47,275 --> 00:08:50,896
Once you turn 30, hangovers
last an average of 83 hours.
233
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,103
[ Winces ]
234
00:08:52,206 --> 00:08:55,379
[ Keyboard clacking ]
235
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:56,758
[ Music plays loudly ]
236
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:58,758
[ Loudly ]
Dude, what is this shit?
237
00:08:58,862 --> 00:09:00,310
[ Loudly ]
It's Honeyscratch,
238
00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:02,137
the band
you're seeing tonight.
239
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:04,655
But I can turn it off
if you don't like it.
240
00:09:04,758 --> 00:09:06,310
Oh. No, no, no, no.
241
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,275
I-I'm starting
to get into it.
242
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,620
Yeah. Yeah.
243
00:09:09,724 --> 00:09:11,758
[ Laughing ] Okay.
244
00:09:11,862 --> 00:09:13,965
[ Normal voice ]
It's definitely cool --
245
00:09:14,068 --> 00:09:15,827
sonically rich.
246
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,827
Now I get what Pitchfork
was saying
247
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,517
when they said that
about them.
248
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,689
[ Music continues ]
249
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:23,931
Oh. Here's the hook.
250
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:27,206
Wait a minute,
hold on.
251
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:28,344
Is that the hook?
No, no, no.
252
00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:29,586
H-Hold on.
253
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,482
Here we go.
Here's the hook.
254
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,517
You can just admit
it sucks.
255
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,206
I would admit it sucked
if it sucked,
256
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:36,586
but it doesn't.
257
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,827
They're probably just
better live anyway.
258
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:41,000
Yeah.
259
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:42,655
I love live music.
260
00:09:42,758 --> 00:09:44,482
I'm gonna start going
to more shows --
261
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:46,862
one concert a month.
262
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:48,275
No.
263
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,827
One concert a week,
264
00:09:50,931 --> 00:09:51,965
maybe even --
265
00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,758
That sounds tight,
dude.
266
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,517
Hey, Grace, have you heard
of Honeyscratch?
267
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,724
Is that an STI?
If so, yes.
268
00:10:00,827 --> 00:10:03,379
No, no, no. They're this
really good noise rock band
269
00:10:03,482 --> 00:10:04,379
that I'm gonna see tonight.
270
00:10:04,482 --> 00:10:05,689
Matt got wasted last night
271
00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:07,344
and thinks he's still
going out tonight.
272
00:10:07,448 --> 00:10:08,862
[ Laughs ]
273
00:10:08,965 --> 00:10:11,482
Oh, Matt,
you naive little bitch.
274
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:13,448
Concerts being fun is one
of the greatest lies
275
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:15,068
perpetuated
by American media.
276
00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:16,310
You guys are nuts.
277
00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:17,689
We're still young.
278
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:19,551
We should be out
doing things.
279
00:10:19,655 --> 00:10:21,896
Tell that to the moths
in my underwear.
280
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,103
All right, what are
your big plans tonight
281
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,896
if you're not gonna go out
and enjoy your life?
282
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,758
I'm doing what I do
every night --
283
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,344
cocooning myself
in fleece,
284
00:10:30,448 --> 00:10:31,551
eating a cookie,
285
00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:32,827
and reading
historical fiction.
286
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:34,379
-I'm gonna masturbate.
-[ Sighs ]
287
00:10:34,482 --> 00:10:35,482
Oh, yeah, me, too.
288
00:10:35,586 --> 00:10:37,517
You both sound depressed.
289
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,862
Yeah, we're adults.
290
00:10:38,965 --> 00:10:40,689
Living life to the fullest
is a con.
291
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:42,655
It's like having a second job
you waste all of the money
292
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:43,862
from your first job on.
293
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,620
Do you remember the joy
you first felt
294
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:49,793
the moment you decided to stop
living life to the fullest?
295
00:10:49,896 --> 00:10:52,482
Best moment of my life.
296
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:54,000
♪♪
297
00:10:54,103 --> 00:10:56,379
October 17, 2010.
298
00:10:56,482 --> 00:11:00,068
I was at some art opening,
surrounded by liberal fascists.
299
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:03,448
I had no clue what
the performance art piece meant.
300
00:11:03,551 --> 00:11:06,206
All I knew was
that it sucked.
301
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,965
And then it hit me --
302
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:15,586
I could just give up, go home,
be free.
303
00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:17,000
And I never looked back.
304
00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:18,551
Mm.
305
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:22,000
August 13, 2014.
306
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:24,896
I was dancing in a field
at a music festival,
307
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,586
surrounded by women
dressed in various forms
308
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:30,000
of cultural appropriation.
309
00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:32,103
I had eaten too much
of a weed brownie,
310
00:11:32,206 --> 00:11:35,413
and a drunk guy
started grinding on me.
311
00:11:35,517 --> 00:11:38,068
Then it hit me...
312
00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:43,862
I would much rather be
at home...alone.
313
00:11:43,965 --> 00:11:47,413
[ Sighs ]
Life-changing.
314
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:48,482
You guys are lame.
315
00:11:48,586 --> 00:11:49,758
Lame but wise.
316
00:11:49,862 --> 00:11:51,103
Matt,
just embrace giving up.
317
00:11:51,206 --> 00:11:52,896
You have no idea
how good it feels.
318
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,517
No.
I am not like you guys, okay?
319
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:58,068
I am young
and full of life!
320
00:11:58,172 --> 00:11:59,965
[ Keyboard clacking ]
321
00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:05,482
♪♪
322
00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:06,551
No.
323
00:12:06,655 --> 00:12:07,517
[ Keyboard clacking ]
324
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,689
[ Groans ]
325
00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:12,344
[ Keyboard clacking ]
326
00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:14,068
No!
327
00:12:14,172 --> 00:12:15,310
[ Sighs ]
328
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,827
Oh, hey, Matt.
What are you doing tonight?
329
00:12:19,931 --> 00:12:21,931
Uh, I'm going to see
this band Honeyscratch.
330
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:24,000
[ Gasps ]
Dude! Me, too!
331
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:26,000
I love them.[ Scoffs ] Oh, really?
332
00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:27,965
You know, my buddy Todd's
actually really tight
333
00:12:28,068 --> 00:12:30,137
with the band so we're sort of
getting VIP treatment.
334
00:12:30,241 --> 00:12:32,896
Hell yeah. I'm not gonna be
there till later in the night
335
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,379
because after work,
I have Cardio Barre,
336
00:12:34,482 --> 00:12:36,586
then a sample sale,
three art gallery openings,
337
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,000
dinner at this
brand-new pop-up --
338
00:12:38,103 --> 00:12:39,896
...a sort-of-friend's
half-birthday party,
339
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,172
gonna catch up with a
real friend at a new speakeasy,
340
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:44,034
then Honeyscratch.
341
00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:47,137
Whoa. How do you have the energy
to do all that?
342
00:12:47,241 --> 00:12:48,655
I'm 24.
[ Scoffs ]
343
00:12:48,758 --> 00:12:50,586
You got to let me know
when you do stuff after work,
344
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:52,862
'cause I also do stuff
constantly.
345
00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:55,655
I honestly didn't know
you, like, do stuff.
346
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:58,172
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah. I do stuff.
347
00:12:58,275 --> 00:12:59,448
Sick.
348
00:12:59,551 --> 00:13:00,793
So, when are you getting
to the show?
349
00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:03,034
Not sure --
Atrocity Algebra is opening,
350
00:13:03,137 --> 00:13:05,000
but thankfully Honeyscratch
is going on pretty early.
351
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,517
Oh, good.
What time?
352
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,758
I think about 1:00 A.M.
353
00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:10,931
[ Coughs, wheezes ]
354
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:13,103
Cool.
That -- Yeah, that works for me.
355
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,655
[ Inhales, exhales sharply ]
356
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,172
[ Exhales sharply ]
357
00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:28,275
[ Elevator chimes ]
358
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,448
Any exciting plans
tonight?
359
00:13:34,551 --> 00:13:36,310
Uh, yeah,
I'm going to this concert.
360
00:13:36,413 --> 00:13:38,793
Ooh, a concert.
Yeah, um,
361
00:13:38,896 --> 00:13:40,586
but the band I want to see
doesn't go on till 1:00 A.M.,
362
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,586
so I'm gonna stop at home
for a bit first.
363
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,482
[ Chuckles ]
364
00:13:44,586 --> 00:13:46,482
Here's my prediction --
365
00:13:46,586 --> 00:13:48,827
you're not going
to that concert.
366
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:51,379
The moment you cross the
threshold of your front door,
367
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:52,655
you're done.
368
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:53,965
It's happened to me
more than once.
369
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:55,758
I have some gala
to get to,
370
00:13:55,862 --> 00:13:57,896
and I tell myself
I'm just going to stop at home
371
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,103
and take a quick shower, and
then the next thing I know,
372
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,551
[inhales] I am luxuriating
in my robe
373
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:03,827
and eating corn chips
374
00:14:03,931 --> 00:14:06,379
while catching up
on "Society Tomorrow."
375
00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:09,000
Have you seen the new season?
It's pretty good.
376
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:10,137
I binged it.
377
00:14:10,241 --> 00:14:11,034
Oh, yeah.
378
00:14:11,137 --> 00:14:12,310
I'll have
to check it out.
379
00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,413
[ Elevator chimes ]
380
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:16,172
I bet you will...
381
00:14:16,275 --> 00:14:17,620
tonight --
382
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,000
while you're not
at that concert.
383
00:14:20,103 --> 00:14:21,655
[ Chuckles ]
384
00:14:21,758 --> 00:14:25,551
♪♪
385
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:27,517
[ Wind blows, dogs barking ]
386
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:29,724
[ Siren wails in distance ]
387
00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:34,034
[ Soothing music plays ]
388
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:36,344
[ Sighs ]
389
00:14:36,448 --> 00:14:40,241
♪♪
390
00:14:40,344 --> 00:14:42,206
[ Sighs ]
391
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:49,655
♪♪
392
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:53,517
[ Inhales sharply, sighs ]
393
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:55,517
Oh, yeah.
394
00:14:55,620 --> 00:15:00,482
Oh, God damn.
395
00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:03,241
[ Moans ]
396
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:05,517
[ Groans ]
397
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:10,448
♪♪
398
00:15:10,551 --> 00:15:12,620
No!
399
00:15:12,724 --> 00:15:14,551
Whoo-hoo!
400
00:15:14,655 --> 00:15:16,344
♪♪
401
00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:17,689
[ Groans ]
402
00:15:17,793 --> 00:15:24,034
♪♪
403
00:15:24,137 --> 00:15:25,448
Hey, Mom.
404
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:26,758
No. I was just calling to chat.
405
00:15:26,862 --> 00:15:28,241
Nothing's wrong.
406
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:31,137
How's the garden doing?
407
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:32,310
Vroom!
408
00:15:32,413 --> 00:15:34,310
Yes, I do care
how the garden is doing, Mom.
409
00:15:34,413 --> 00:15:36,620
Pew!
410
00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:38,586
[ Cellphone beeps ]
411
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:40,586
[ Scoffs ]
412
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,793
Mom, why would you say that
I'm not going to the concert,
413
00:15:42,896 --> 00:15:44,551
because I am going!
414
00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:50,241
♪♪
415
00:15:50,344 --> 00:15:52,793
Goddamn it!
416
00:15:57,275 --> 00:15:59,965
Announcer: Previously on
"Society Tomorrow"...
417
00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,172
Man: The President's
been hacked!
418
00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,000
Woman:
Technology's bad!
419
00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:05,310
Our only chance for survival
is to embrace the nihilists.
420
00:16:05,413 --> 00:16:06,517
But they hate
to be hugged.
421
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:07,827
I'm having an affair --
422
00:16:07,931 --> 00:16:10,000
but nobody seems to care.
423
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:13,758
[ Zap!]
424
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:15,896
You shot the nihilist.
He's dead!
425
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,034
Man #2:
I was the nihilist --
426
00:16:17,137 --> 00:16:18,172
Matt:
Oh, I can still make it.
427
00:16:18,275 --> 00:16:20,034
And now you're gonna die,
428
00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:22,724
because you represent
organized religion.
429
00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:25,310
[ Rock music playing within ]
430
00:16:28,413 --> 00:16:31,482
Hey, I think I'm the list --
Matt Engelbertson?
431
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,206
Nope.
432
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:37,137
Uh, it might be
under "Fatty Matty"?
433
00:16:37,241 --> 00:16:38,448
Nah.
434
00:16:38,551 --> 00:16:39,896
Uh, well,
do you know Todd?
435
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,137
He's friends
with the band.
436
00:16:41,241 --> 00:16:43,206
We're all friends
with the band.
437
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:44,758
Oh.
438
00:16:44,862 --> 00:16:47,000
[ Laughing ] Fatty Matty!
439
00:16:47,103 --> 00:16:48,482
I got your tickets
right here.
440
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:50,206
We're going backstage.
441
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,586
[ Groans ]
442
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:53,517
Tee-Oh-Double-Dee!
443
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,620
All right.
Guys, guys, guys,
444
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,758
this is Fatty Matty,
445
00:16:57,862 --> 00:16:59,172
my buddy from college
I was telling you about.
446
00:16:59,275 --> 00:17:00,827
'Sup, Matt?
Todd was telling us about
447
00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:02,586
all that fucked-up shit
you guys you used to do.
448
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:03,896
-[ Laughs ]
-Sounds hilarious.
449
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,551
Yeah,
it was pretty crazy.
450
00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:08,241
Um, dude, I love your music --
so many hooks.
451
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,551
How do you guys
know Todd?
452
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:10,724
He's our drug dealer.
453
00:17:10,827 --> 00:17:12,137
Whoopsies.
454
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,137
Todd says you have
some corporate sell-out job,
455
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,241
but you still made it out
to see us on a work night.
456
00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:18,758
We really appreciate that,
man. You're cool.
457
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:20,482
Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty tired
from work,
458
00:17:20,586 --> 00:17:23,000
but supporting live music
is really important to me.
459
00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:25,310
Hey, Matt, real quick,
can you do me a favor?
460
00:17:25,413 --> 00:17:29,344
Could you throw Jake's cat
out the window?
461
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:30,310
[ Cat purrs ]
462
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:31,758
Wait,
what's Pebbles doing here?
463
00:17:31,862 --> 00:17:32,862
Exactly.
464
00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,241
She shouldn't be here.
It's rude.
465
00:17:35,344 --> 00:17:37,241
So we need you to throw her
out the window.
466
00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:40,137
Otherwise,
we can't play our music.
467
00:17:40,241 --> 00:17:43,793
Do it, Matt.
Throw Pebbles out the window.
468
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,482
[ Thunder rumbles ]
469
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,206
Unless you're too tired.
470
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:49,172
Yeah,
unless you're too tired.
471
00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:51,241
N-No,
I'm not too tired.
472
00:17:51,344 --> 00:17:52,551
Cool.
473
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,758
[ Thunder rumbles, wind blows ]
474
00:17:54,862 --> 00:17:56,344
If you really support
live music,
475
00:17:56,448 --> 00:17:57,862
you'll throw Pebbles
out the window.
476
00:17:57,965 --> 00:17:59,724
Do it, Fat One!
477
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,000
[ Laughing ]
478
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:03,379
Pebbles, I'm sorry!
479
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:06,034
Woman: Social media
killed my family.
480
00:18:06,137 --> 00:18:07,689
I can't stop using it.
481
00:18:07,793 --> 00:18:09,172
God damn it.
482
00:18:11,827 --> 00:18:14,344
[ Inhales sharply ]
483
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:15,896
[ Exhales ]
484
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,137
♪♪
485
00:18:20,241 --> 00:18:22,103
Hey there,
Fatty Matty.
486
00:18:22,206 --> 00:18:24,896
You know, there's a carton
of ice cream in the freezer.
487
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,413
Why don't you put me on.
488
00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:28,413
We can get cozy.
489
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:31,241
Shut up, koala pajamas.
490
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:38,655
♪♪
491
00:18:38,758 --> 00:18:46,034
♪♪
492
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:49,793
[ Wind blows, dogs barking,
car alarm chirping ]
493
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:55,689
♪♪
494
00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,517
[ Engine starts ]
495
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:04,172
♪♪
496
00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:16,758
♪♪
497
00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:25,689
♪♪
498
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:30,827
♪ I could be a better person
499
00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:34,862
♪ By spreading my wings
500
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:41,724
♪ And learning to fly
501
00:19:41,827 --> 00:19:49,482
♪ But it hurts to fall
502
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:54,517
♪ So why fly at all?
503
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:58,448
♪ Just give up
504
00:19:58,551 --> 00:20:03,310
♪ Just give up
505
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:10,379
♪ Deep down inside,
even birds hate to fly ♪
506
00:20:10,482 --> 00:20:13,931
♪ Just give up
507
00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:18,965
♪ Just give up
508
00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:21,827
♪ It feels good
509
00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:28,413
♪ Yeah, you'll land
in your own life ♪
510
00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:36,862
♪♪
511
00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:45,586
♪♪
512
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:54,275
♪♪
513
00:20:54,379 --> 00:21:02,827
♪♪
514
00:21:02,931 --> 00:21:04,724
[ Sighs ]
515
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,068
There's the hook
right there!
516
00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:14,000
Here comes the hook!
517
00:21:16,379 --> 00:21:17,862
No. Hold on.
518
00:21:17,965 --> 00:21:19,758
I think we missed the hook
a long time ago.
519
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:21,034
Just rewind the song.
520
00:21:21,137 --> 00:21:23,068
We got to go back
and find that hook.
521
00:21:23,172 --> 00:21:24,448
Where's the
fucking hook at?!
522
00:21:24,498 --> 00:21:29,048
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