Original subtitles

Ella, it's me, Mia. Yeah, I know who you are.

Well, open up the door, then.

Are you going somewhere?

Well, I've just come from somewhere,

you know, then I'll be going somewhere else.

But you're not staying in Brixton.

No. Why?

Why don't you just rent somewhere?

I literally just got here.

I took pictures of dog shit,

and now she wants to pay me in cushions.

Cushions that retail at 300 quid a pop.

Mia, would you like a hot chocolate before you hit the road?

Oh, no, I'm just going to grab my bits, thank you.

You'll be all right getting home?

Called an Uber. It's going to be here in under a minute.

SQUELCHING AND SLURPING

Good morning!

SHUTTER CLICKS

Oi! You see if you put one pussy-clart hand

on me or my cushions,

I'm going to fill your mouth with that jam, yeah,

I'm going to gaffer tape it shut,

and I'm going to tie you to the fucking tree. Do you understand?

Don't rate yourself, love,

or those cushions,

cos both -

disgusting!

Excuse me!

Oh, hi! Hi. You owe for two nights unpaid.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I lost my bank cards.

You have till Friday.

I'm going to be able to pay you back before Friday,

it's just that my bank's in New York,

and you know when you call them up,

and you're like, "I'm travelling..."?

By Friday.

Hm.

# I once had a life, or rather Life had me

# I was one among many Or at least I seemed to be

# Well, I read an old quotation in a book just yesterday

# It said, you're gonna reap just what you sow

# The debts you make you have to pay... #

Two visits in a week! Christ! Lucky me!

Oh, my God! These are too cute!

Ah, yeah.

I tried to find ones all different colours

cos you never know these days.

Oh, yeah!

You don't want to misgender him on the day of his circumcision, eh?

Oh, piss off, you!

What, man? It is a bit weird, innit, having everyone over

while some old man cuts off the end of a baby's willy?

Oh! It's a celebration!

No! Er, don't do that!

What?

Take the prices off.

Yeah, but it's...it's a gift.

Don't want all the prices on.

Er, at £60 apiece, yeah, I do want to keep the prices on.

Are you all right, Ella?

You look nice.

Oh, thanks.

Is that one of yours?

It's all right.

You know, I can't remember which designer it was,

but I was given that top in Paris.

Really? Yeah.

When?

Don't know. 2006 or 7...

Do you still model now?

There's over £200-worth of clothes here, you know, Mum.

Well, yeah. And no-one would know

if they didn't have the prices on, so put them back on.

Did you nick 'em?

How dare you?

It's not only you that can turn up with fancy gifts you know?

I liberated 'em.

Why?

Mum! Hey, you don't have to steal!

Oh, don't I?

You do know that having a nuanced moral compass

is a privilege not everyone has, yeah?

When was your last job?

It's not coal, all right? Or a bit of bread!

It's a bloody designer baby onesie!

And I'm not having a white woman tell me about privilege.

Yeah, I'm not any white woman, I'm your fucking mum!

Yeah. You're my mum,

who's a white woman.

What did you get for the bris?

No.

I haven't had time,

but I've got, um, a Missoni scarf in the wardrobe which I'm giving...

Yeah. Right, right. Well, you haven't got him anything,

so why don't you just sign this card

and take a day off from being a stuck-up twat?

Huh!

You can be such a bitch sometimes, you know that?

Don't call your mum a bitch.

Or what?

That's mad disrespectful.

Yeah? I'm a big woman, you know.

It's all right. It's all right, love.

What's all that?

Look, why don't you just go and find the scarf, yeah?

You don't mind if she pops in to your room do you, love?

Ah, yeah!

You teefing little bitch!

Did you, er, find everything you were looking for?

Yeah, I did. Thank you.

Hula Hoop?

No, I'm good, you know. I appreciate it.

Would you like a Hula Hoop?

No, thank you.

Oh, I didn't even know there were female rabbis.

Good girl!

Just one.

Excuse me.

Yeah, I like rum punch, too.

I like all sweet drinks, but I'm...I'm driving today.

Rum punch! I thought it was just punch.

Mmm.

Hi, I'm David.

Mmm. Nice to meet you, David.

I'm the rabbi's brother.

So, you've either just got like a really weird kink

or you're here for the free food?

No, I'm...I'm here for moral support.

Why?

Ah! It's her first bris.

You're not serious?

Yes, I am serious.

Have you told anyone? No.

MOBILE RINGS

Good. Don't.

Sorry.

Yes.

Do you like them?

Yeah, I thought you would.

Tassels, PVC,

silk, as well, baby.

Denny's daughter wants to get into modelling.

She wants to ask you a few questions.

Yeah, I'm on the phone.

Yes, I can see that.

Of course.

Studs.

There's meant to be, like, pressure points.

I don't know. It's, like, good for blood flow or whatever.

I know you love that shit.

Kinky bitch!

Yeah, well, £600.

My pleasure.

And your pleasure.

Our pleasure!

All right, I'll see you soon.

Bye, babe. Bye, baby. Bye!

£600 for what?

None of your business.

Yeah, who was you speaking to?

Talking to Liv.

Ha-ha! Yeah, right!

So, who do you think I'm talking to?

You tell me.

What do you want, Mum?

I want you to come and talk to Denny

about his daughter and the modelling.

What? Does Denny's daughter look like Denny?

Well, yeah.

Well, then, no.

Are you OK, though?

Honestly? Yeah.

I'm not even sure any more.

You know in the original story of the covenant,

they don't even mention circumcision, you know.

Not once.

Look, I can't lie...

..I am kind of happy when a man's circumcised, you know?

I mean, it might be brainwashing,

but it's sort of like stick shift versus automatic, innit?

What's better, though?

Don't know. Whatever you learnt on.

It just seems a bit barbaric, on my end.

You know, it's...

It's mellow! It's over quickly,

the baby's smashed on Kiddush wine.

I watched you get done,

I watched Louis, I watched Dexter, I watched Simon, Danny, Lee...

Are you serious? Yeah.

Like that. Pwhhh!

And then it's done.

For real, for real.

Oh! Jesus!

Potent.

What is it? Indica?

I don't know, man.

Do you know when people are like, "Oh, is it indica? Is it sativa?"

I'm like, "Brother, it's weed, man."

It's weed. Yeah, yeah - but from where?

I've got my connects.

All right, don't say nothing, yeah,

but I found Ella's stash.

Mi!

You can't be nicking off kids. That's bad karma and that.

Pass it back, then, if you don't want the bad juju.

Seriously, though, I needed this today.

Yeah. You know?

Yeah. No, this, it's going to be all right.

All right. This helped, though. Yeah? Yeah. All right.

I need to get myself toge...

I'm going to go in. Mm-hm. Are you coming? Mm...

I'm going to... All right. Safe. Mmm...

Tradition! Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

HE RECITES HEBREW PRAYER

ALL: Amen.

HE CONTINUES PRAYER

PRAYER ECHOES

BABY'S MEWLING ECHOES

PRAYER ECHOES, DISTORTS

Amen.

Oh! Ooh!

Shit.

She's fainted.

Oh! Oh! You're awake!

Here you go.

What are you on?

Nothing. I just... I smoked some weed, all right?

I didn't realise that the punch was like 80% Wray & Nephew's.

Fucking hell!

Oh, shit! I'm late. Yeah? Late for what?

Just going to pick up some money.

That is dodgy as fuck.

No-one uses cash apart from the strippers.

Oh, so you think I'm a stripper now? Is that it?

Well, no, not with your dance moves, I don't.

So what is your agenda, then?

£600 on PVC and tassels. Yeah?

Then you're eating sliced white bread and margarine.

You're stimulating blood flow.

What is going on?

Have you stopped taking your meds?

Yeah, I have, but that has nothing to do with it.

Yeah? You're delusional. End of chat.

Something's going on.

Who's paying you £600?

Just grabbing my co...

Oh, you're awake.

Ahhh! The way you blacked out, cuz!

Ohh...

Oh, no, it's chill, it's mellow.

I've been to everyone's circumcision.

Lucky this guy caught you like a line-backer, though!

That's kind of romantic.

No, throwing a whitey is not romantic.

What? It's like 101 cinema romance, Mum.

Tessa Evason, Fay Presto,

Misty Lee.

That's a few of my favourite female magicians.

The Magic Circle only let women in in 1991,

and even now they only have about 80 female members.

I don't really know what the fuck you're on about, David,

but you've got a very calming voice.

I have been told I'm like white noise,

which I think is a compliment.

Yeah, I reckon it is.

Yeah.

Oh here's...here's my car.

Do you still fancy that lift?

Yeah!

Great.

Ah, thanks for the lift.

I really appreciate it.

Is this where you live, is it?

You think I live in a hostel?!

I don't know.

Wait!

Can I take you for dinner later?

What? Today?

Yeah. Later today.

I'm staying at the Edit Hotel in Soho.

How does 6pm sound?

Yeah, yeah. Good, good.

Great. Yeah? Yeah.

Well, it was very enjoyable meeting you.

It was very enjoyable meeting you too, David.

Don't go anywhere, though. I'm just going to get something. All right?

OK.

See you... See you in a minute.

Oi-oi!

That's all right.

There we go.

Here we go.

Ready?

You can drop me in town, I've got a bit of work to do.

I mean, I love them.

They're obviously good quality -

but you know when you see something,

and you're like, "You know what?" Yeah, exactly.

"This is Liv." They are perfect!

Have a sniff.

Ohhh, money!

Did you buy them?

Gifted.

Of course!

Can I get you anything to drink, madam?

Um, I will have a cup of hot water and a slice of lemon, thank you.

On a little cleanse.

Yeah. OK.

Well, gifts for the gifted.

What is this?

Simon Berlin's exclusive Pum Parfum. Not even out yet!

Pussy perfume?

Oh, yes. Squirt?

Oh, fuck me!

Is the right response! It should come with a bottle of mace.

Tell me you're not fizzing.

Tell me it's not a gag.

Tell me, "Thank you, bitch!"

Oh!

Yeah. No, it's nice.

Well, it's yours.

Oh.

Yeah.

No. Maybe I'm stupid.

I...I thought you wanted to buy them off me.

Why?

They're hideous.

I mean, no offence.

No, none taken.

So, why did you want them, then?

For work, it's like an ASMR play mat. Look...

ASMR?

Are people still into that? Is that still a...a thing?

I have over half a million loyal subscribers.

It's my primary source of income, babe.

Really?

I thought your parents were.

They're a close second.

Huh.

So you...

You don't model at all any more?

God, no.

Is there anything sadder than going from the catwalk

to modelling his-and-her pyjamas for Matalan?

The answer is no, Mia.

MIA LAUGHS WEAKLY

Fucking hell!

Hi!

Hiya!

You look nice.

Shall... Shall we go in? Yeah.

I'm so happy you're here.

Thanks.

I love this hotel.

Do you want to get a burger and a milkshake

and walk down the south of the river bank with me?

Do I want to eat a burger on South Bank?

Yeah. We could, um, walk to the Tate Modern.

Do you like that building?

Yeah. Oh, cool.

I can grab us some jumpers from upstairs,

if you just wait right there.

I'm fine. Hey, I don't need your clothes!

No. It's no problem!

It's... It's a prob...

Can you pull up Mia's...Snapgram?

You're too funny!

Mia doesn't have Snapchat or Instagram. I've looked.

What do you mean? She's... She's all over the internet.

Nah, she's not even on Facebook.

Yeah, but Facebook's, like, for old people, isn't it?

Exactly.

Where does she live?

New York.

No. I mean where does she live when she's here?

I don't know.

Oh.

Cos you know she sleeps here in the day, when you're out?

Why would she do that?

Maybe cos she's awake in the night.

We could sit on the beach!

That's not the beach, David.

That's where water, Boris Bikes and syringes meet the land.

How about a bench?

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, bench is nice.

You know, the Tate Modern, the Barbican and the Barrier Block

in Brixton are actually

beautiful examples of brutalist architecture in London.

Did you just say the Barrier Block?

On Cold Harbour Lane? That one?

Yeah.

Fucking hell! I bet you creamed your pants

when you pulled up on to my mum's estate, innit?!

Do you have any interests?

Mmm.

I'm really into skin care.

Oh, you, like, make skin care?

No, I'm just, like, really into skin care.

Anything else?

Er...

I like spitting from heights.

Oh, that's nice.

You know, like if I'm on, like, a tall building or something,

and I look over, like, I've got to spit.

Oh, like, it's a compulsion.

Maybe it is, yeah.

Have you ever spat off the Millennium Bridge?

No.

Well, this is a really good bridge for spitting off

because it's got over 400 tiny paintings

on spat-out pieces of chewing gum.

You know a lot of stuff, innit?

Are you on the game?

What?

Do you have sex for money?

No!

I foolishly do it for free. Is that why you asked me out?

No. I...I just heard your mum talking about stripping.

Well, she's off her meds, so...

Oh, no.

You seem nice.

Oh, yeah? Thanks.

Well, shall we go on the bridge, then?

Yeah.

Ahhh!

Do you want to hold my hand?

No, thank you.

Oh, it's fine.

All right.

Come on, then. Let's go and flob off this bridge.

SPITTING

That was good!

Ooh! Ooh!

We should probably go.

What? You're not having fun any more?

Yeah, like, I'm actually having loads of fun,

but I think it might be time to go.

Oh. Do you want to spit off London Bridge?

No.

I've got some weed, though.

Could, like, smoke some weed and do something else.

Like go bowling?

No. Like, I don't know, something more exciting.

Like what?

Like do you want to have sex, David?

Will you have a shower first?

Uh...

Look, it's just I don't really like the smell of your perfume.

It's not perfume. It's Simon Berlin's Pum Parfum.

Well, I'm sensitive to smells,

and I don't think I can have sex with you if you smell like that.

Wow!

But if you have a shower first, we can.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, OK then.

Are you upset?

Um... No, I'm not, actually.

Thank you for explaining.

I appreciate your honesty.

It's fucking rude,

but I appreciate your honesty.

Shall we go, then?

After I wash.

Do you want me to spit in your hand? No, I'm joking.

No, no, no. That's nice. Save that for later, then.

HE MUMBLES

I was a bit nervous.

Really?

Are you sensitive to all smells or is it just my perfume?

MUSIC: Brother Man by Psychedelic Soul Crew

Cos no moisturiser is a little bit of a fire haz...

It is pongy.

Wha...! Aghh!

Sorry! I thought the room was empty. No. I'm here.

Yeah. Oh, I'll come back, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. OK. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. OK.

Sorry. Yeah.

MOBILE RINGS

Hello, Mum.

Where are you staying?

What? Where are you now?

I'm at the Edit Hotel. Why?

Right.

CALL END TONE

Oh, fuck off!

Oh, nice one, David. Yeah.

I really enjoyed flobbing off a bridge with you,

and then sleeping in a bath on my own.

Nah!

Good morning, miss.

Is everything OK?

Yeah.

Um, an item seems to have gone missing from my room.

I apologise. What was the item?

It was...er...herbs.

Herbs?

Ceremonial herbs.

Ceremonial herbs?

What was your room number?

702.

Thank you.

Yes, yes...

INDISTINCT

Thank you.

Sorry, madame, the cleaner said she didn't see the item

and left as soon as she found you asleep.

In the bath.

Oh, cos she was literally there when I woke up in the bath.

Theft is a very serious allegation.

Oh, I know.

So if the item that was stolen is returned,

then we can get on with our day.

Stolen or not, we do not condone any substance that is illegal

on the premises.

Even if it is claimed they are for ceremonial purposes,

it would be my duty to call the police.

Oh.

You should call the police, then.

Madame...

Yeah, how about that? Call the fucking police!

Madame, do not test me on this. I will happily call the police.

No, no, no. No-one's calling the police.

What the fuck are you two doing here?

Yeah, we're wondering what the fuck you're doing here.

Madame, please... Shut up! I'm sorry, I'm talking to my daughter.

Listen, I don't want to do this here.

Do what here?

Like, cause a scene.

Ha! Well, that fucking ship has sailed!

Mia, there's no shame in sex work...

Oh, my God! Wait! Wait!

Why is everyone so obsessed with me selling my cooch for money?

I did offer, but she insisted that she only has sex for free.

What the fuck! Yes, yes!

I only have sex for free.

Sorry!

Yes, for free.

Mia!

Mia!

Mia, wait!

What?

Have you tried bubble tea before?

No.

Where are you going?

With you.

With me where?

Well, I...I thought I could come to your house.

My house?

I...I thought...

You thought what, exactly?

Ah!

Thank you!

Good luck with the rest of your shift, cos it's very fucking loud.

THEY GIGGLE

Hey!

All right.

I know that this is going to sound like a crackhead proposal,

but it's not instead of money,

it's just a deposit that's worth £200.

Come on.

Oh, golly! Yeah. Yeah.

Can I have two more days, please?

Ahhhhh!

Go on, then.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Yeah, OK.

MIA SIGHS

Night!

Night.