Original subtitles

[???]

[???]

I'm telling you, I hardly remember her.

She was an old girlfriend.

She's named you beneficiary in her will.

She was a grateful old girlfriend.

Look, whatever it is that Marcy left me,

whatever old poetry I wrote,

I just want to collect it and get back uptown.

I have an 11:45

with Arthur Simon Whitehead, wealthy person.

He is giving me 10 minutes to convince him

to let me invest his wealth.

And if I land this account they will make me partner.

Or vice president.

Or put a window in my office.

You know, I never thought of you

as the type who wrote poetry.

I'm not. That was a long time ago.

I was very different around her.

Michael, you don't have to deny

that you were in love with someone on my account.

Hey, I am not the type to deny my feelings,

unlike you who wants me and won't admit it.

I want you. I want you to be my friend.

Well, Kathryn, that's all I want too.

Really? And how do you define friend?

Friend. Someone I have seen naked.

Would you like to know how I define best friend?

No.

Michael. I'm your attorney.

You take a professional relationship to bed

and you know what you become?

I myself became the Appellate Judge

of the Fifth District Court.

Your Honor.

Honor schmonor.

It took six minutes, and now I'm a Judge.

We are awaiting one more beneficiary

and then we may see to the administration

of the Marcy Bradford estate,

which is evenly split between you.

All your old girlfriends leave you

50 percent of their worldly goods?

So far.

Okay. I met her during the summer

after my freshman year in college.

We were in Key West.

It was just me and her and...

Did you say one more beneficiary?

Excuse me, is this the room

where they're reading the will for Marcy Bradford?

[SNIFFS]

Thirteen years later, you still wear Hai Karate?

It wasn't bad enough I had to share her

with you when she was alive, huh?

Your Honor, I have several more appointments today.

I'm sure you do. Look at you. Hey.

Without me around, looks like you've become just another suit.

You want to pin a label on me,

you can start with coffee achiever.

I'm not just another anything.

I happen to have my life exactly the way I want it.

This your girlfriend? I have no idea.

Michael. Aren't you going to introduce me?

Nope. You don't want to meet him.

He wears sweaty T-shirts, he eats meat, he's an animal.

Look at him.

Guess I've been going at this girl all wrong.

I'm Joey Harris, the man

Michael wants to be when he grows up.

Well, whoever Marcy was, she seems to have mattered

very much to both of you.

That was a lifetime ago.

And I, myself, have no feelings about her anymore.

Hey, neither do I.

Fine. May we get started, please?

"I, Marcy Bradford--"

Marcy Bradford loved me.

Don't come in here after 13 years

and start twisting around something

that was very important to me.

She died. This was the first woman I ever cared about.

Hey, this was the last woman I ever cared about.

Seems she cared for both of you about the same.

Although who am I to judge?

Whatever Marcy left us, let's appraise it,

sell it, split it, goodbye. Agreed?

Absolutely. I got no reason to live with the past

any longer than I have to.

I got a reason.

Luggage?

Oh, please let it be that she left us luggage.

WILBUR: wondering who this is.

No. Uh-uh.

This is Nicole Bradford.

Congratulations. It's a girl.

She would have to be 12. She doesn't look 12.

She looks 11. She looks 13.

Tell these nice gentlemen how old you are, sweetheart.

[MOUTHS] Twelve.

Thank you, Nicole.

And you know, I really could've used that luggage.

The court is in possession of your medical records.

The father is....

biologically indeterminate.

Well, that's you.

Your Honor, what are the consent alternatives

as stipulated in the will?

Excuse me, Perry Mason.

There are certain responsibilities

that come with fatherhood

that I don't know if I'm ready for.

There's also a little thing called love

that goes along with it.

Oh, that's right.

Make me the bad guy for being practical.

We're talking about a child here, huh? A little child.

Now, if you don't want her, I'll take her. Okay?

I'll take Nicole.

I'll take Nicole. Want some fries with that?

Joe, you're not ordering a McDaughter.

This is a little female human.

She needs two parents and a proper bringing up.

Exactly as is the intent of this will.

Unless you two gentlemen can demonstrate family harmony,

and if today's behavior is indicative,

I have my doubts,

then Nicole becomes a ward of the state

and will be remanded to the county adoption home.

Is that some nice, modern facility?

You've read Dickens?

[???]

Well, this is home.

This is where you get to grow up.

Oh, my God.

I love it too.

Hey. First thing we do, okay?

Go to the top of the Empire State Building.

'Cause I want you to see this whole city.

Because it's yours. I give it to you.

Where are the walls?

Then we go to Yankee Stadium, huh?

We'll eat hot dogs, popcorn, peanuts.

And we'll throw up.

Real father and daughter stuff, you know?

Is this my bed?

[KNOCKING]

It's wood. I've got a wood bed.

I'm getting nervous now.

Come here. Come over here.

[GRUNTS] This is what I do.

I made this. Everything you see here,

everything hanging up, everything on the floor. I made.

Oh. You're an artist.

You're poor. You have to live here.

Look at this bed.

[KNOCKING] It's always made, right?

You wanna know why?

Hey.

It's for people like me who hate to make the bed.

What do you got in that bag?

This is Mr. Beebles. I tell him my troubles.

Hey, Mr. Beebles.

And this.

Whoops.

Twelve is a difficult age.

Now we've got each other to tell our troubles to.

So you make things?

Yeah, I make anything. How about lunch?

Sure. You want Chinese, we'll go to Chinatown.

You want Italian, we'll go to Little Italy.

How about tuna fish, here.

Huh?

We don't have to go anywhere. What do you have?

I don't understand what you mean.

In the refrigerator. Where lunch lives.

Oh, hey, we've got champagne. And champagne. Okay.

No frozen food?

Ice skating. That's what we're gonna do first.

Ice skating in Rockefeller Center.

Then we'll go to a basketball game at Madison Square Garden.

[PHONE RINGS] Telephone. I think.

Hello? Hey, Eddie. Man, what's shakin'?

Yeah, I'm just sittin' around here with my daughter.

Yeah, I just got her, she's 12.

That was today?

Oh, man, you gotta cover for me.

No basketball game?

Tell Mr. Hollander I'll be down there in five minutes.

No ice skating?

Hey, listen, Nicole.

This is a big opportunity for both of us.

This is Hollander's. Major art gallery.

You just look around the loft,

get yourself familiar with the place, okay?

'Cause it's yours. I give it to you.

I won't be long.

No lunch?

[???]

Nothing changes, does it?

You are still the same unreliable guy you always were.

Something bothering you?

"Yeah, sure, Judge. I'd like to be responsible for Nicole.

Unless I have to go somewhere."

I'm sorry my meeting took so long.

That's okay. Did you get my note?

Look what she does, eh? Look what she does.

She dots these I's with these little hearts.

Isn't that great? Hey.

It's day one, Mr. Responsible.

Day one and already you disappear,

she ends up in my office.

Do you know how? By subway.

Hey, kids in this neighborhood take the subway all the time.

I don't care what other kids do. I only care what this kid does.

When did I grow my father's finger?

Don't come down here telling me about right and wrong

when you didn't even have the right to care yet.

"Gee, Judge, I think I need time to think this thing over."

I'd think any normal person would.

[KNOCKS ON BED]

Who sleeps here, Gandhi?

You understand what I mean, don't you?

Right now I'm having a difficult time understanding anything.

Because you're in the middle of so much.

I'm in the middle of starving to death.

I ordered a pizza. It's gonna be here any minute.

I just don't happen to be the type of guy

who makes impulsive decisions.

This is not some puppy that you take home

'cause it looks at you through a store window

with a sad-eyed puppy face.

Don't do that.

I think Nicole deserves the best possible bringing up

by the best possible parents

and in the best possible home.

My God, you actually live here?

What makes you think that I'm not

Nicole's best possible parent?

[DOOR BUZZER BEEPS]

Because you know nothing about raising children.

What do you know about raising children?

What's there to know? She's already outgrown the hard part.

Yo. Who's the looker?

Okay, so maybe there's a little hard part left.

Thank you.

Joey. Nobody knows you better than me.

I mean, you always do this. You act on a whim.

You never consider the future responsibilities.

Like the time with the goat. What goat?

The goat. The team mascot.

It was your week to feed it, you forgot, and it died.

We had to play Penn State with a dead mascot on wheels, Joe.

You want Nicole to end up on wheels?

Are you gonna get up every morning

and pull her to school, huh?

Maybe I don't live my life as organized as you do.

So what? Maybe I'm not ruled

by an appointment calendar like you are.

I'm not ruled by anything. No?

Give me the book, Joe.

Hey, Mikey. I'm holding your life in my hands, Mikey.

That's really a great move.

That's really smart. Isn't that nice?

I'm glad to see you've really grown up, Joe.

Hey, I just freed you, Michael.

You're a free man now.

So, what's going to be your first act as a free man?

Buy a new back-up date book.

I don't see how you could possibly think

somebody with Marcy's spirit

could've ever been interested in you.

Hey, guys, our first meal together.

She loved my ambitions and at least I have some.

No, don't fight. Let's eat.

If it wasn't for you, I'd have been with her all these years.

No. You're deluded, pal.

Marcy was much too classy a woman

to have ended up with you.

Out. Fine.

I want you out of here. Right now.

Thirteen years is too short between visits.

Stop!

My mother would never have loved you guys.

You don't want this to work.

I don't want either of you for my father.

[???]

Nicole. You don't really mean that.

Yes, I do.

I don't want to hear you argue anymore.

We'll stop fighting.

When you're not fighting, you're in meetings.

I'm in the way.

I was never in my mother's way.

She was always happy to see me.

I saw your faces at the judge's.

You weren't happy to see me at all.

I was willing to give you a chance.

You just don't want to give me one.

JOEY: Nick-- I'm sorry.

But I'm 12 years old, and my mother died,

and I just want to go to sleep.

You can take me back in the morning.

Nicole, they'll put you in an adoption home.

I'd rather be adopted by people who think that having a daughter

is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Nicole. Wait a minute. No.

Please don't follow me.

Just take me back tomorrow,

and maybe I won't remember you too much.

That is definitely Marcy's kid.

She's got fire in her

that didn't come from either one of us.

Maybe she's right. What?

Between the two of us, we barely managed to get her fed.

What kind of parents would we be?

Hey, I wasn't gonna make her study hard.

I was gonna take her out late.

Man, I was gonna be a great parent.

And you would, wouldn't you? What?

You would just-- You'd change your life, just like that?

You would become Nicole's father and you wouldn't think twice.

Yeah, I guess I would.

That kills me about you.

I know.

I mean, every time we had plans

to do something that we wanted to do,

we'd end up doing something we didn't want

'cause you can't stand having plans.

Because every time I'd do something you want,

I live to regret it.

When did we do something I planned?

I went to Key West with you.

I fell in love with the girl of my dreams, and I lost her.

Yeah, but the food.

You have anything to drink in this place?

Yeah, there's some champagne in the refrigerator.

Ain't too much to celebrate.

Well, we could drink to Marcy.

Okay. Maybe just one bottle.

Hey, Joe.

Supermarkets. Grasp the concept.

And I thought Wisconsin was only known for cheese.

Give me that.

[CORK POPS]

[CORK POPS]

[BOTH SIGH]

To the only girl in the world.

[BOTTLES CLINK]

[SIGHS]

Whew.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I should be getting back uptown.

Yeah.

Unless there's something you want to talk about.

I don't have anything planned.

Why? You think we have something to talk about?

Yeah. Look at us.

I mean, we can't even share the kid.

We can't share a bottle of champagne.

Now that we're gonna be fathers,

why don't we become adults too?

Meaning what?

Meaning, why don't we finally admit that she loved us both.

You first.

She loved you, Michael.

And I hated you for it every day.

[QUICKLY] She loved you too, Joe.

[NORMALLY] She loved you too, Joe.

Her only flaw.

And we fought with each other so much,

she didn't want anything to do with either of us.

Now she's giving us another chance.

Now that we're older and wiser. We've blown it again.

[???]

[KNOCK ON DOOR] WILBUR: Hello?

Your door is open.

Very nice in this neighborhood.

I know that voice.

Perhaps I've come at a bad time.

This is not what it looks like.

We've just become friends again. [JOEY SNORING]

That's what it looks like.

[GRUNTS]

Morning, honey.

I'll never drink again.

[STAMMERING] a little champagne

to celebrate our new daughter

[BOTTLE CLINKS]

If this is what I can expect

when I have an appointment, I can't wait

to show up unannounced.

You had an appointment?

Excuse me.

She had an appointment?

Did I forget to mention that?

Yes, you forgot to mention that.

Which is very unlike him.

Gentlemen, despite the intent of the will,

the court's responsibility is the welfare of the child.

Before I turn this case over to social services,

I want to make sure Nicole is satisfied

with her two new guardians.

Well, of course.

I'll go see if our precious dear is up.

And tell her about our reunion, which she knows nothing about.

So. How did you enjoy your first day as a new father?

Oh, it was, uh--

[CHUCKLES] I was going to take her skating,

I was gonna take her to the basketball game,

you know, to the ballet.

But I didn't. Just ran out of time.

The day just went by so fast.

That's why you get a whole lot of days to be a father.

You're gonna have a whole life together.

Go wash your face.

Uh, Joe, can I speak to you a minute, please?

Where's Nicole? Can I see you a moment, please?

Is there a problem, gentlemen?

Oh, no. Everything's fine. Terrific. Couldn't be better.

She's gone. She's what?

She's gone. Empty. Vacancy.

There's nobody home.

We lost her. I don't lose anything.

I've had the same shoes for 12 years.

We have a 12-year-old one night, and we lost her.

Gentlemen?

Yeah, her door's closed.

I think she's probably getting dressed right now.

An almost teenage girl getting dressed.

This could be hours.

Why don't you come back?

I'll wait. Okay.

I don't think she trusts us.

Oh, why?

Just because she finds us in bed together

with empty champagne bottles?

And now our kid is gone forever?

I think we're Father of the Year.

Nobody is gone forever.

We're going through an adjustment period.

She's gotta understand that. That's her job.

We should tell her?

If we can find the right way.

Tell me what?

Never mind.

I went to get breakfast. Wasn't taking any chances.

You stayed?

You think I'd leave you with half a father?

Nicole, there's somebody here to see you.

You came to take me back?

Do you want to go back?

Are you two gonna fight any more?

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole. Michael and I,

we haven't seen each other for a lot of years.

We're two completely different people.

We look at life in completely different ways.

So there's going to be a lot of times when we disagree.

Right?

Right. But because of you,

we've started to remember why we used to be friends,

and if you're still willing

to give us a chance, maybe we can remember

how to be the guys that your mother loved.

Why?

Well, because...

Because we're two people that think that...

having a daughter is one of

the most beautiful things in the world.

[???]

When did you decide that?

We had a meeting.

Dad?

Yeah? Yeah?

Just checking.

She's got my chin.

She's got my eyes. Look at that.

I can tell she's mine. She talks in complete sentences.

She's got my sense of humor.

Oh, yeah? Which one of us has

has a great smile like Nicole, huh?

Which one of us is tall like she is?

NICOLE: is a light sleeper?

[???]