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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,660 [Man clears throat] 4 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,400 Welcome to Butterface Fields. 5 00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:41,540 America. Small Town, USA. 6 00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:45,790 The white picket fences around here 7 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,410 probably need repair, but, uh, I like us... 8 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:51,040 Uh, care about us. 9 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,960 We... We make our share of mistakes. 10 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,380 But you'll see. 11 00:00:55,390 --> 00:00:58,800 This is Floyd's. Floyd's Bar. 12 00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,800 Also our coffee shop, our clubhouse, 13 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,800 our spot for Sunday brunch and... 14 00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:04,800 Oh, that's me. [chuckles] 15 00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:08,100 The miserable one. Andy Sargentee. 16 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:10,350 Ah, today I'm too tired of it. 17 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,230 More unaccepting than even usual. 18 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,730 [Man] We shouldn't interrupt him. 19 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,280 - He's busy. - He's busy thinking. 20 00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:18,530 Friends don't let friends think. 21 00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:20,240 We should do something. 22 00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,330 - Stop him. - Just go see what's wrong. 23 00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:25,670 - Go, go, go. - Go on, go on. 24 00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:26,750 Come on. 25 00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:28,090 Let's go. 26 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,000 Hi, Andy. 27 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,420 You want to come over and, uh, 28 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,340 sit with us, Andy? 29 00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:37,880 Hey, Andy. 30 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,930 What are you doing, thinking? Don't do that, Andy. 31 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,690 Okay. Well, Andy, we're over here. 32 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:50,600 Yeah, we're... right over here, Andy. 33 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,350 [Andy narrating] That was Moe and Ron. 34 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,530 We always call 'em Moe-Ron. 35 00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:59,030 They're never apart. Good guys. 36 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,870 I'd... I'd just had enough of not having enough. 37 00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:05,330 There had to be something that I could come up with. 38 00:02:05,330 --> 00:02:07,620 You need to stop taking a dump around here, Andy. 39 00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:10,040 In fact, you need to start wearing a diaper. 40 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:12,130 - That's an order. - You stopped me from calling. 41 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:13,750 You said you wanted them needy. 42 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,130 Thought we might be able to jack up the price on 'em. 43 00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:18,590 - Oh, I said that? - A lot of people heard you. 44 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,710 You're fired, stinky. Good-bye. 45 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,470 No more telling the boss to blow himself. 46 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,560 I am trying to hold onto these jobs. 47 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,020 That's the scary part. 48 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:29,390 You've got to give it a different kind of try. 49 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,190 Aw, Jesus, Andy! What the hell? 50 00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:34,060 Are you out of your mind? 51 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,230 [Andy narrating] Would've been niftier 52 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,030 if I hadn't already been fired. 53 00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:39,990 Anyway... 54 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:42,200 My wife Thelma, she divorced me this year. 55 00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:46,530 I know I would stand by you. 56 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,160 I'm even willing to believe in you. 57 00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:51,160 I... I just... 58 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,710 I just don't know what else to do. 59 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:54,920 [sighs] 60 00:02:54,930 --> 00:02:58,510 If you want me back, let me know. 61 00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,170 [Andy narrating] I wanted her back, 62 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,050 but I didn't do anything to get her back. 63 00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:04,590 Thel gets good scores. 64 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,090 She deserved plenty and got nothing from me. 65 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,470 [Boy] Bye, Dad. 66 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,970 Eventually she met a guy, married him. 67 00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:14,940 Did real well for herself, and that's as it should be. 68 00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:17,400 She's got the kid, Bill. 69 00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:19,490 Ah, he's a... He's a good kid. 70 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,110 I... I wish I had more to offer him. 71 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,830 See, the reason that everybody was so worried, uh... 72 00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,450 Well, I... I've gotten like this before, and, uh, 73 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:30,920 the ideas that I come up with... 74 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,210 Well, when I get 'em, I tend to go with 'em, 75 00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,630 and we're close here, so others go with me. 76 00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:38,500 I got us all to put in big on one of those pyramids. 77 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:39,920 Tech at the height of the bubble. 78 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:42,670 Selling vitamins, even, but we were all selling them, 79 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,220 so there was no one to buy 'em. 80 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:45,390 Stuff like that. 81 00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,680 Oh, crap. 82 00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:49,680 Barney Macklehatton, my best pal. 83 00:03:49,690 --> 00:03:51,050 I had bigger problems. 84 00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,900 How long has he been like this? 85 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,060 A long time. 86 00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:55,730 Didn't you do anything? 87 00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:57,190 I've been feeding him free drinks. 88 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,860 That's my best trick. 89 00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:00,320 [Andy narrating] Floyd, Barney's father. 90 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,690 Get younger. 91 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,780 Eat shit. 92 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,780 That's nice. They've become even closer 93 00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:07,070 now that Barn's mom's passed on. 94 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,240 Andy, please, don't do this. 95 00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:19,340 We're in some trouble here. 96 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:24,630 [Andy narrating] That's Helen Tatelbaum. 97 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,350 Hey, Hel. You turn pro? 98 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,430 Barney's in love with her, 99 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,100 ever since we were kids, right to this minute. 100 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,270 No greater love has the world ever known. 101 00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:35,010 So, uh, what time's this married guy 102 00:04:35,030 --> 00:04:36,190 supposed to pick you up? 103 00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:37,650 He's not married, Barney. 104 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,110 They're never married, Helen. 105 00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:40,350 They just have wives. 106 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,400 I told you this one is not married. 107 00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:44,400 Okay. 108 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,120 But this one's not coming. 109 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,530 It's 9:30. 110 00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:49,320 What time was he supposed to pick you up? 111 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,870 I'm guessing 8. 112 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,110 Bastard. 113 00:04:58,010 --> 00:05:00,710 [Andy narrating] But they've never gotten together, though. 114 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,550 Just hold on. We get out of this bar pretty soon, by the way. 115 00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:04,760 Ho! 116 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,750 Hey! 117 00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,100 Man, how you doing? 118 00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,010 Uh, that's Moose. 119 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:12,760 He really behaves like this. Has no idea how it seems. 120 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,060 [laughter] 121 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,060 Yeah, he... he's gay. 122 00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:18,270 For some reason, he doesn't want us to know this. 123 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,480 Seems to honestly believe we don't. 124 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:23,200 Yeah, I assumed you needed some explaining. 125 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,860 Oh, and, uh, we didn't name him. 126 00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:26,320 Two out of three. 127 00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:28,690 He came to us one day and said, uh, 128 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,990 "Please call me Moose." 129 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,700 We don't ask questions. 130 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:37,540 Hey, Andy. Why all glum, buddy? 131 00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:39,380 Hey, let's get out of here 132 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,000 and rustle us up a couple of babes. 133 00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:42,370 Always lifts my spirits. 134 00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:44,220 Not the only thing it lifts. Boom! 135 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,930 [Andy narrating] He's serious. 136 00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:48,710 Oh, that's just Some Idiot. 137 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,090 Hiya, Some Idiot. 138 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,930 - Hey, Some. - How was school tonight, Some? 139 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,430 Some Idiot. Hey! 140 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,020 Some Idiot attends junior college night school. 141 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,560 He studies something different each night he attends. 142 00:05:58,570 --> 00:06:02,360 Love the guy. Him we named. 143 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,020 So, yesterday was my kid's birthday. 144 00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,020 I haven't seen him in a while. Since before the honeymoon. 145 00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:11,280 They took the kid, put him in a private school, too. 146 00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:14,410 Then they had to move into this guy's house. 147 00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:16,700 So I want to get him something really nice... 148 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,200 really nice from his dad. 149 00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:19,790 And the kid loves basketball. Loves it. 150 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,250 Can I help you? 151 00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:24,290 Yeah, uh, which ball do the pros play with? 152 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,760 - Uh, that one there. - Mmm. 153 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,750 - Eighty bucks for a ball? - Yup. 154 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,930 This is definitely the ball the pros use, hmm? 155 00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:36,430 Definitely the pro ball, and it's definitely $80. 156 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,680 Well, 79.99. 157 00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:39,900 Plus there's tax on that, right? 158 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,480 Yeah, I didn't hear anything about this 159 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,820 being a no-tax day. 160 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,030 Do you think it might be? 161 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,360 Are you being fresh? 162 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,320 I don't know what "fresh" means. 163 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,070 Look, I want to buy this ball. 164 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,740 I may be a little short. 165 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,660 So, what, are you going to steal it? 166 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,120 What? 167 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,330 Well, no, I thought that's what 168 00:06:58,340 --> 00:06:59,790 you were going to say. 169 00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:01,500 'Cause Wally, he usually charges full price, 170 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,340 so that just leaves stealing. 171 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,500 Is Wally around or a manager or... 172 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,340 Yeah, Wally's here. Sure. I'll get him. 173 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,600 [Sales Boy on P.A.] Wally? 174 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,310 Guy with no money in basketballs. 175 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,560 - Hi, what can I do for you? - Oh, yeah, I, um... 176 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:28,230 I, uh, want to buy this ball. 177 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,400 I have the money. 178 00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:30,740 Absolutely. Terrific. 179 00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:32,280 No, no. Uh... 180 00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:34,200 I may be a little short on my credit card. 181 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,240 Can we squeeze as much as we can on it, 182 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:38,410 and then maybe I could let you hold something 183 00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,410 until I come back, uh, you know, with the rest? 184 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:42,460 I... I need to have the ball right now. 185 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,200 - No. - No? 186 00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:45,500 [Sales Boy] Excuse me. Wally? 187 00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:47,540 You may be being fresh. 188 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,260 All right. Well, let's, um... Let's try this. 189 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:53,100 I, uh, may have some room on this other credit card. 190 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,090 - You know... - You know what? 191 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,340 I... I might have some, uh... 192 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,340 This ball here is 39.99. 193 00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:00,440 This is a very good ball. 194 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:02,480 [Sales Boy] He's going to ask you about tax now. 195 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,940 - [clears throat] - This isn't the official ball. 196 00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:06,400 Absolutely correct. 197 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,310 But that's not the only special ball. 198 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,310 This ball, too, is special. 199 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,610 Now, if you were to describe that ball, 200 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,320 state its special significance, 201 00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,910 you might say that that ball is used in the pros, 202 00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:19,280 whereas this ball's special significance, 203 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:23,250 stated, is that you may be able to afford it. 204 00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:27,040 What kind of businessman are you? Come on. Uh... 205 00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,920 Give me a break. Build some customer relations. 206 00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,590 You think I'm really looking for the customer 207 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,380 who's a bust-out by dollar 80? 208 00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:35,500 I could have friends. 209 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,800 A guy who doesn't have 80 bucks 210 00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,430 doesn't have rich friends. 211 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,770 But I bet you have some lovely 39.99 friends. 212 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,230 You're going to gift wrap this for me, right? 213 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,450 Why, certainly, sir. 214 00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:05,540 Yeah, I'd sure hate to lose you as a customer. 215 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,790 [Andy narrating] Take it easy. 216 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,130 I knew this guy was rich. 217 00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,920 Ah, I didn't know he was this goddamn rich. 218 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,420 As you might've guessed, 219 00:09:17,430 --> 00:09:18,840 I had no trouble getting the house 220 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,140 in the divorce settlement. 221 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,180 I've met the guy before a couple times. 222 00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:24,430 He's very nice. 223 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,770 Hello, Andy. 224 00:09:25,770 --> 00:09:28,610 Welcome. Welcome. Please, come in. 225 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,940 Nice place. Big. 226 00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:33,650 Thank you. 227 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,520 Um, so we had a really nice trip. 228 00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:38,620 I think Billy enjoyed it. At least I hope he did. 229 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,910 He'll be right down. 230 00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:42,530 Or you can go up. How you been? 231 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,580 Oh, uh, I'm good. 232 00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,170 Hello, Andy. 233 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,380 Oh, hey, Thel. 234 00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:48,620 How are you? 235 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,090 Good. You look good. 236 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,630 Thank you. 237 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:55,220 [sighs] How's everything? 238 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,550 Oh, everything... 239 00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,220 - Are you working? - ...is fine. 240 00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,680 Some place, huh? 241 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,390 - Billy must love it. - Yeah. 242 00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:03,980 - Hey, Dad! - Hey, birthday boy! 243 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,020 Hey. 244 00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,260 Hey. 245 00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:10,560 - Some place you got here. - Yeah. You wanna see it? 246 00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,530 I can show you around. You gotta see my room. 247 00:10:12,530 --> 00:10:14,190 Yeah. Yeah. 248 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,480 Go ahead. Go ahead. See you guys later. 249 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,980 Hey, get your dad something to drink. 250 00:10:24,170 --> 00:10:25,620 Nice guy. Howard. 251 00:10:25,630 --> 00:10:27,120 Yeah, I really like him. 252 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:28,660 I mean, he's not as great as you, 253 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,540 but if you and mom had to split up... 254 00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:32,580 Hey, hey. I want you to like him. 255 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,420 Don't worry about that. 256 00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:35,670 Hey, I got you something. 257 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,210 Oh, great. You didn't have to do that. 258 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,550 Yeah, right, Dopey. 259 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:43,180 Ah. 260 00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,190 Whoa. Dope. 261 00:10:55,200 --> 00:11:00,240 Ha. This is some room, Dopey. 262 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,610 Yeah, you know, Howard has lots of money, so... 263 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,080 Yeah, that's good quality. 264 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,290 [sighs] Whew. 265 00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,250 Listen, Dad, about this weekend. 266 00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,330 Mm-hmm? 267 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,580 Do you think it'd be okay 268 00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:13,450 if I didn't come stay with you? 269 00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:14,880 It's just this guy in my class, 270 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,340 my first new friend at this school, 271 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:19,080 has a country house and invited me for the weekend. 272 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,760 Oh. No, go have fun with your friends. 273 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,630 It's not that I don't want to hang out with you. 274 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,180 No. No. Hey, you know. 275 00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,640 You're getting older now, 276 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,640 you have things to do with your friends. 277 00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:29,930 Yeah, it's just for this weekend. 278 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,350 Are you sure you understand? 279 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,070 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go, have a great time. 280 00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:36,560 - Go. - All right. 281 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,060 Hey, give me my present. 282 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,070 Oh, this? No, no. 283 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,160 Dad, I know it's a basketball. 284 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,400 It's okay. I don't have one from you. 285 00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,660 This isn't for you. 286 00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:51,200 Uh, I'm definitely giving you something, 287 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,080 but I just forgot to bring it. 288 00:11:53,090 --> 00:11:55,200 I'm sorry. I'll get it to you. 289 00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:56,880 Really, Dad, it doesn't matter. 290 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,720 If you bought it for me, I'd like to have it. 291 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,130 But I didn't, Bill. 292 00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:01,380 Didn't you understand what I said? 293 00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:03,000 This isn't for you. This is for somebody 294 00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:05,180 I have to see after... Later. 295 00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,720 Sorry. 296 00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,060 I'm real sorry you can't stay. 297 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,020 Yeah, me, too. Wish I could. I... 298 00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:12,680 Yeah. Hey, uh, Andy? 299 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,270 Um... 300 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,070 Look, um... 301 00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:21,360 All right, you have a great son. 302 00:12:21,370 --> 00:12:24,070 And I also care about him a great deal, 303 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,160 and I hope that's okay. 304 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,910 Now, um, I've been very fortunate in my life, 305 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,030 and it's my pleasure to give to Billy, 306 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,880 but if you're not comfortable with that... 307 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,170 You give, uh, whatever you like. 308 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,340 Whatever you got. Lots. 309 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,130 You know, he's a good kid. It's good of you to... 310 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,470 Yeah, thanks. I gotta go. 311 00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:56,140 [Narrating] That was a good day. 312 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,610 Oh, while we were gone, Otis came in. 313 00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,440 I don't know. 314 00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,310 He's my friend, I love the guy, 315 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,690 and, yeah, I'm apologizing ahead of time, 316 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:06,990 but hang in there. 317 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,950 No one loves women more than me. 318 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,540 I like women more than I like men. 319 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,910 I like women so much that I can't understand 320 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,200 why they're not all lesbians. 321 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,540 [Andy narrating] I'm not related to the guy. 322 00:13:16,550 --> 00:13:18,630 I'm discouraged, God damn it! 323 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,870 I hear you, Andy. 324 00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:23,760 You've got to give it a different kind of try. 325 00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:27,800 He's not reading that paper. 326 00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:30,140 Not that. 327 00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:34,970 This is America. 328 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,770 Anything's possible! 329 00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:42,140 Think, Andy! Think! 330 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,990 Whatever he comes up with, we're not in. 331 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,110 [Howard] You have a great son. 332 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,450 [Boss] You're fired, stinky. Good-bye. 333 00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:49,490 [Wally] I'd sure hate to lose you as a customer. 334 00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:04,330 Oh, crap. 335 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,970 We're gonna make a porno film! 336 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,220 ♪ Wop-bop-a-loo-mop-a-lop-bam-bam ♪ 337 00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:15,720 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 338 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,310 ♪ Tutti Frutti, whoo ♪ 339 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,600 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 340 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,980 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 341 00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:25,780 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 342 00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:28,190 ♪ A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop a-lop bam bam ♪ 343 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,910 ♪ I got a gal named Sue ♪ 344 00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,900 ♪ She knows just what to do ♪ 345 00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:35,620 ♪ I got a girl named Sue ♪ 346 00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:38,290 ♪ She knows just what to do ♪ 347 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,750 ♪ She rock me to the East ♪ 348 00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,120 ♪ She rock me to the West ♪ 349 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,540 ♪ But she's the girl that I love best ♪ 350 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,920 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 351 00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:48,510 ♪ Tutti Frutti, whoo ♪ 352 00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,800 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 353 00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,420 ♪ Tutti Frutti, oh, rootie ♪ 354 00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:56,140 You definitely qualify for a free rental. 355 00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,010 [moaning on TV] 356 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:10,320 [Andy] Porn is a $12 billion industry 357 00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:11,440 in annual sales. 358 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:18,670 959 million rentals of porn 359 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,000 reported this year. 360 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:24,170 15,000 new ones are coming out. 361 00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:26,420 300 a week. 362 00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:30,640 What are the newest, hottest things in porn? 363 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,430 Amateur porn. 364 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:34,970 The stuff that just any idiot can make 365 00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,090 with his video camera. 366 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,340 Any idiot. 367 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,520 Some Idiot's got a brother. 368 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,520 Now, we are amateurs. 369 00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,860 This is so right for us. 370 00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:49,400 Now, what's even better 371 00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:50,740 is we're gonna do something 372 00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,030 that's never been done before. 373 00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:55,240 We're gonna be the first town 374 00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:57,160 to band together 375 00:15:57,170 --> 00:16:02,160 to make the first full-length feature 376 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,880 amateur adult film. 377 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,170 So, two firsts for us. 378 00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:09,670 This could be really noisy. 379 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,260 I wanna go for the brass ring here. 380 00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,920 You know, why do it otherwise? 381 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,170 Am I right, Emmett? 382 00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:16,300 We're behind you 100%, Andy. 383 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:18,050 Sure. 384 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:22,940 Is that camera connected to his face? 385 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,600 Pass those over there. 386 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:28,980 Emmett, Floyd, is what they call a film guy. 387 00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:33,480 He's one of those guys that knows all about movies, 388 00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:36,910 making them and seeing them. 389 00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:39,580 Well, he's seen everything. He works at a video store. 390 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:42,700 - And that's Emmett? - Emmett is a film guy, Moose. 391 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,080 He's a film guy, Moose. 392 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,330 I know that, Barney. I heard Andy. 393 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,960 Well, great. Welcome, Emmett. 394 00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:52,300 Emmett has been taking film classes 395 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,300 that have lasted all summer long, and, uh... 396 00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:56,550 I've taken classes. 397 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,220 I know that, Some Idiot. 398 00:16:58,230 --> 00:17:00,340 I gotta tell you, I have a feeling about this kid. 399 00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,890 Andy, all the blood from the stone 400 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,640 that is me is yours without asking. 401 00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:04,890 Just curiosity here. 402 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,860 What's in it for Emmett? 403 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,100 Emmett is our... 404 00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:10,190 Cinematographer. 405 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,440 Cinematographer. 406 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:13,690 He's going to shoot the film. 407 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,780 And he, you know, knows what he's doing. 408 00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:17,620 Plus, he's gonna do it for free. 409 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:18,910 Perfect. 410 00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:21,280 Just doing it for the experience. 411 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,830 [all chattering] 412 00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,320 Okay? 413 00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,000 I'm in. Except for no money, 414 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,160 it's a no-brainer for me. 415 00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,540 First off, making a stag film 416 00:17:28,550 --> 00:17:29,790 has to be a good time. 417 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,840 Number two, my hat's off to you. 418 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,170 Good job. We can do this. 419 00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:34,920 What are we talking about here? 420 00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:38,010 Making a dirty movie... film, whatever, whatever. 421 00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:39,880 What does that require? 422 00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:42,510 Pointing a camera at a he and a she 423 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,810 he'in and a she'in. 424 00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:46,400 We film some sex, we got a porno. 425 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,760 We have accomplished our goal. 426 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:50,140 It's not a hundred things, it's one thing. 427 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,390 The one thing people most want to do. 428 00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:53,940 Proceed, don't mind us, 429 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:55,610 we're just doing a little filming here. 430 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,070 It's so specific, it's so well-defined, 431 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,490 I gotta say we can do this. 432 00:17:58,490 --> 00:17:59,730 [Andy] Thank you, Otis. 433 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,030 I'm with you, Otis. You said it. 434 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,660 All right, buddy. Go porno. 435 00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,250 Porno! Porno! 436 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,240 I can't wait, you know? Down in front. 437 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:13,750 I'm no choirboy, but if we make a porno, 438 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,170 then we've made a porno. 439 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,880 Doesn't the mafia make them? 440 00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,720 Well... 441 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,210 All right, enough snacks. 442 00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:24,730 Floyd, good question, 443 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,220 but the mafia isn't making this one. 444 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:30,470 Butterface Fields is, hmm? 445 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,520 Each of us has lived here all our lives. 446 00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,860 We score, we score together. 447 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,480 Right. 448 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,700 We don't want to hurt anybody. 449 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,910 We know why we're doing this. 450 00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,200 It's business, right? 451 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,740 That means we're gonna need a script? 452 00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:42,860 Yeah, that's right. 453 00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,410 I'm the guy for that. 454 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:46,530 Well, we'll talk about that, Some. 455 00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,700 But just sex scenes sounds fine to me, eh. 456 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,000 No. No, Otis. No. 457 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,500 - And we're gonna need a director. - That's right. Yeah. 458 00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:55,290 - I'm the guy for that. - We'll talk about that, Some. 459 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,630 First, let me just... 460 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,420 Andy, you think I haven't studied screenplay writing? 461 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,170 Screenplay. That's what it's called. 462 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,840 - Yep. Some? - A script for a movie. 463 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,090 - We'll talk about that later. - There's a name for people like me. 464 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,560 They're called writer/directors. 465 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,180 We do two things. 466 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,800 Hollywood had to invent it 467 00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,480 because there's a lot of people in Hollywood like me 468 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:13,570 that are multi-gifted. 469 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:14,930 Come Christmas morning, 470 00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:17,060 a kid has two gifts under a tree. 471 00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,980 You can't ask him to open just one. 472 00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,730 - Sophie's Choice. - What's that, kid? 473 00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,070 Uh, Sophie's Choice. 474 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,860 Yeah, if you like. Sure, kid. 475 00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:25,200 The kid could be named Sophie. 476 00:19:25,210 --> 00:19:27,620 See, Andy? We're creating. 477 00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,410 It's called collaboration. I work well with others. 478 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,130 Andy, Clara and Mrs. Morelli 479 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,290 have asked me to ask you just when can they get a look 480 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,790 at some big porno wienie, 481 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,960 'cause they just love the big porno wienie. 482 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,060 [Andy] Funny, Otis, but, please, 483 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,270 let me just go on, okay? 484 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,390 Andy, how much is this going to cost each of us? 485 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,930 Uh, total, uh... 486 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,270 Should we starting writing checks now, Andy? 487 00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,140 Yeah, we're in, Andy. 488 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,890 Two grand apiece. 489 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,110 -Oh, my... -[Andy narrating] 'Kay, 490 00:19:57,110 --> 00:19:58,320 - Now we were off and running. - What? 491 00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,400 Each? 492 00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:01,400 We were all equal partners financially, 493 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:05,030 but I told them that those involved in making the film 494 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,030 would get something that's called screen credit. 495 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,580 They'd see their name when they watched the film. 496 00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:13,200 Nobody thought that was anything too great. 497 00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:16,050 And then I had explained that I had watched a lot of films 498 00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:18,590 to prepare for this, and had at my house 499 00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:21,260 some excellent examples of porno. 500 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,970 [moaning on TV] 501 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:27,930 There were two problems immediately. 502 00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,550 Where was everyone gonna get two grand, 503 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,980 and of those who wanted to be involved 504 00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,390 in, uh, the production, 505 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,890 who was gonna do what? 506 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,480 Here, I've learned 507 00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,270 movies are supposed to show, not tell, 508 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,940 so I'll show you Otis telling me what he'd like to do. 509 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,940 - Andy, I appreciate you coming by. - Ah... 510 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,330 - Hey. - Hey, Rev. 511 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,320 Hello. 512 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,790 I'm gonna get my money. 513 00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,330 Oh, great. 514 00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:54,750 You know I want in, 515 00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:57,090 and I want in as more... 516 00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,380 more than just an investor. 517 00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,840 I wanna be involved. Totally. 518 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,710 Well, you know, it takes a lot of people to make a movie. 519 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:05,800 There's lots to do. 520 00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:07,840 Do you have some idea what you'd like to do? 521 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,220 I'd like to watch. 522 00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:14,850 Well, you know about this movie film stuff, Andy. 523 00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,640 Is there a guy, 524 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:18,640 when you're making a movie, 525 00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:22,440 who just stands around? 526 00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:24,410 Andy, I know why you're doing this, 527 00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:26,740 and I'm rooting for you and I'm with you. 528 00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,860 Really. 529 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,330 I mean, we know each other how long, huh? 530 00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:32,700 You are familiar with my life. 531 00:21:32,710 --> 00:21:36,040 You may notice that I'm sweeping here. 532 00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,960 I don't like being a custodian of a church, 533 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,800 but I wouldn't like anything else, either, you know? 534 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,710 Life is a little too dirty for my taste, in general. 535 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,830 People, for the most part, aren't really my cup of tea, 536 00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:47,180 but, now, you tell me that for the next week or two 537 00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,420 that I... 538 00:21:49,430 --> 00:21:52,100 I get to hang around with porno peacharoonies, 539 00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:55,060 and be there while they do their thing? 540 00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:57,150 And drink coffee with them, 541 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,610 and after coffee, you know, 542 00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:00,230 walk them over to their next hump. 543 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,820 I mean, I can't think of anything better 544 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,360 I could win at a raffle. 545 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,530 And afterward... 546 00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:08,020 you're gonna put money in my pocket? 547 00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:13,870 Great. 548 00:22:13,870 --> 00:22:15,410 I'm not gonna be changed by this event, 549 00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:19,130 but that's better than my days go. 550 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:22,750 Can you use a guy like me, Andy? 551 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,750 [Andy narrating] Otis was made executive producer 552 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,090 on the film. 553 00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:28,840 [chattering] 554 00:22:28,850 --> 00:22:30,090 [Andy] Hey, Some. 555 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,060 Hey, guys. Thanks a lot for coming. 556 00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:33,720 Let me get right to the point. 557 00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:36,140 Andy, I'd like to talk to you about the film. 558 00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:38,980 I'd really... I'd like to be the writer/director. 559 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,350 Yeah, I know, Some. 560 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,350 Uh...isn't that an awful lot to handle? 561 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:45,600 Sure it is, Andy Sure it is. 562 00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:47,150 But that's why it's so attractive to me. 563 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,950 But, Some, you'd actually have to write the script, 564 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:53,320 and I'm sure directing means that you'd really 565 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,370 need to seem like you have some idea 566 00:22:55,370 --> 00:22:56,710 about what you're doing. 567 00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,950 Andy, look. 568 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,950 Andy, look. Come here. 569 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,580 I promise you, I will not show up 570 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,670 on that set before I can seem like 571 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,790 I have some idea of what I'm doing. 572 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,510 Already I've been in a photography class. 573 00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:12,760 Not just one class, a few nights. 574 00:23:12,770 --> 00:23:14,760 - I know. - Writing class. 575 00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:19,600 And, Andy, I am not lying, I've taken a film class. 576 00:23:19,610 --> 00:23:21,520 Showed up pretty often. 577 00:23:21,530 --> 00:23:23,770 We watch movies and talk about 'em. 578 00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:25,770 Look, forget all that. Listen to me, Andy. 579 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,940 When you yelled out the other night 580 00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:30,110 that we were gonna make a film, 581 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,980 it was honestly a sign from God for me. 582 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,410 I mean, just that day... I swear this, Andy... 583 00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:37,500 I came to the realization... 584 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,620 I mean, I've never known anything 585 00:23:40,630 --> 00:23:42,370 or felt anything 586 00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,250 so clearly in my life 587 00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:47,120 that what I'm meant to be, 588 00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:48,800 is that my... 589 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,540 my destiny is to be... 590 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,510 a... director. 591 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:58,180 Some, I won't let you develop my snapshots, 592 00:23:58,190 --> 00:24:00,140 and I love you. 593 00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,310 That's the other thing. 594 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,980 You're filming this thing, right, not videoing? 595 00:24:04,990 --> 00:24:07,440 Yeah, Emmett can get something called short ends 596 00:24:07,450 --> 00:24:09,230 of 16mm film. 597 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,650 Film looks a lot better than video, 598 00:24:10,660 --> 00:24:12,270 which is another way ours will stand out. 599 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,320 The place we send the film to from this place... 600 00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:20,290 does all the developing for all the big movie outfits. 601 00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:23,710 I could work some big time magic over there. 602 00:24:23,710 --> 00:24:26,170 Developing won't be your biggest expense. 603 00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:29,380 Not if I'm the writer/director. 604 00:24:29,390 --> 00:24:31,250 Andy, this is your baby. 605 00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:33,590 I only want success for you. 606 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,130 And look, Some is a friend of mine, too, 607 00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:38,760 but certainly one of our keys to success here 608 00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:41,890 is to keep him as far away from this thing as possible, 609 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,640 and you just made him the writer/director. 610 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:48,190 Okay, good, he can help us with the developing... 611 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,440 No, he can't. 612 00:24:49,450 --> 00:24:51,440 This is Some we're talking about. 613 00:24:51,450 --> 00:24:53,860 He stopped developing at 15. 614 00:24:53,870 --> 00:24:55,280 What do you want me to do? 615 00:24:55,290 --> 00:24:57,740 You want me to take away the guy's destiny? 616 00:24:57,750 --> 00:24:59,740 That's why I'm doing this, Barney, you know? 617 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,960 I'd give anything if everybody or any one of us 618 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,040 could get some destiny out of this. 619 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,330 I just wanna make sure you've thought this thing through. 620 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,800 You're the only level headed, solid guy in the whole town. 621 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,540 Solid? Like a rock? 622 00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:13,460 And that's why... 623 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:16,460 I'm hoping that... that you'll, uh, 624 00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:18,130 produce this thing with me. 625 00:25:18,140 --> 00:25:20,630 You know, be my co-producer, hmm? 626 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,310 Co-producer? 627 00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:24,730 Yeah, well, you know... 628 00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:27,570 you have a way with people that I just don't have. 629 00:25:27,570 --> 00:25:31,150 I want you to be head of public relations, too. 630 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,520 Head? 631 00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:33,740 Yeah. 632 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,280 And co-producer? 633 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,520 - That's two things. - Yeah, I know. 634 00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:38,820 If it's not asking too much. 635 00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:41,040 [Narrating] Okay, so, the funding. 636 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,160 Some of the town actually had two grand. 637 00:25:43,170 --> 00:25:45,280 Others got another credit card. 638 00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:48,460 Moe-Ron got it out of their pension from the factory. 639 00:25:48,460 --> 00:25:50,330 Otis borrowed it from the reverend. 640 00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:52,460 Uh, didn't tell him what it was for, of course. 641 00:25:52,470 --> 00:25:56,300 Otis claims he's a gay reverend, by the way. 642 00:25:56,310 --> 00:25:58,640 Me, Barn, Moose, and Some Idiot 643 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,010 simply did what we hoped we'd never have to. 644 00:26:01,020 --> 00:26:02,800 We hocked our fathers' watches. 645 00:26:02,810 --> 00:26:05,680 Moose, his mother's pin. 646 00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:07,650 Hi, Mom and Pop. 647 00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:11,770 Look, about this new thing I'm doing, uh... 648 00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:15,650 I realize it might not fall under how you raised me, 649 00:26:15,660 --> 00:26:17,650 it's just not all like you said. 650 00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,450 You know, some of the stuff you taught me, 651 00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:21,540 it's just not applicable. 652 00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:25,370 You were wrong about some stuff, Mom, Pop. 653 00:26:28,090 --> 00:26:30,700 I don't know why I am the way I am, 654 00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:33,300 but I have to get something going. 655 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:34,540 That's gotta be most important. 656 00:26:34,550 --> 00:26:37,340 Now, it's business. 657 00:26:37,350 --> 00:26:39,010 You know, America. 658 00:26:39,010 --> 00:26:40,550 I love you. 659 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,470 I'm trying to be a good boy. 660 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,680 This could work out. I have a feeling. 661 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,350 It was time for our first production meeting. 662 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,070 Oh, there you go! 663 00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:57,150 Emmett was now a member of our team, 664 00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,990 and we were very encouraged by his ability. 665 00:26:58,990 --> 00:27:01,110 We figured if he's this good a third baseman, 666 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,950 he can't be a bad cameraman. 667 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,700 Emmett! 668 00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:08,040 Emmett! Excellent! Excellent! 669 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,580 To the porno! 670 00:27:09,590 --> 00:27:11,580 [All] Porno! Porno! 671 00:27:11,590 --> 00:27:13,630 Porno! Porno! 672 00:27:13,630 --> 00:27:15,540 Hey, I'm sure you got more important things 673 00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:17,590 you'd like to talk about, but I can't stand it anymore. 674 00:27:17,590 --> 00:27:19,960 Let's hear about the gals you got lined up for the porno. 675 00:27:19,970 --> 00:27:21,680 Yeehaw! Boy, that's what I wanna know. 676 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,590 Let's hear about the gals we got in the porno. 677 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,220 It's all I can think about. I can't even sleep anymore. 678 00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:28,720 - You should see the bags under my eyes. - Eye on the ball! 679 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,390 As the director, I'm very eager to find out who my cast is going to be. 680 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,770 And as the writer, needles to say, it's a total advantage 681 00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:37,070 to know who you're writing for. 682 00:27:37,070 --> 00:27:40,240 It's going to help my script immensely, so go ahead, Andy. 683 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,900 Hey, you got the gals to get hose-arinoed, et cetera, in the porno, right? 684 00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:46,280 [Moose] Oh, please, Andy, stop teasing us. 685 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,410 [cheering] 686 00:27:48,420 --> 00:27:51,250 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 687 00:27:51,250 --> 00:27:52,830 Come on. 688 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,200 John, let's go. 689 00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:58,460 Of course, Andy's got the gals lined up for the porno. 690 00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:02,590 I mean, how would we have a porno without gals, right? 691 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,140 Fellas, you're talking about casting... 692 00:28:05,140 --> 00:28:08,130 casting, uh, you know, that takes place 693 00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:09,760 during preproduction, 694 00:28:09,770 --> 00:28:11,980 and we're in preproduction now. 695 00:28:11,980 --> 00:28:14,640 - Right, Emmett? - Preproduction. 696 00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:16,610 And, fellas, that's really one of the main things 697 00:28:16,610 --> 00:28:18,350 I wanted to talk to you about tonight. 698 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,950 Andy, to make a good porno film, 699 00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:24,280 I'm gonna need some gals to get boned and give head and stuff. 700 00:28:24,290 --> 00:28:25,740 You need a script first. 701 00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:27,280 How can you cast without a script? 702 00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:29,080 Well, I'm working on that. 703 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:30,950 Excuse me, 704 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,450 isn't the role of the gal 705 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:34,120 getting futzed in unthinkable ways 706 00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:36,460 go to whoever we can get to do it? 707 00:28:36,470 --> 00:28:37,550 Am I wrong? 708 00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:40,460 Fellas, we have money in the budget to pay the actors, 709 00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:44,430 or we offer them what's called a piece of the backend. 710 00:28:46,140 --> 00:28:48,680 Just like we're each getting 711 00:28:48,690 --> 00:28:50,680 you know, equal share of the profit 712 00:28:50,690 --> 00:28:52,720 for our two grand, 713 00:28:52,730 --> 00:28:55,600 in exchange for acting services rendered, they get a share. 714 00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:57,850 For a half-a-dozen guys unloading on you 715 00:28:57,860 --> 00:29:00,270 so you look like a melted candle today, 716 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,150 we will gladly pay you on Tuesday? 717 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,070 I don't know who's gonna go for that one, A. 718 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:06,440 Strike! 719 00:29:06,450 --> 00:29:08,820 [Andy narrating] All right, this was our first little hiccup. 720 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:12,040 So, well, we needed to get some gals. 721 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,000 Uh, Otis made a good point, though. 722 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,740 We probably could cast without a script. 723 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,710 Hey, Helen, how you doing? 724 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,930 Hey, Some, how you guys doing? 725 00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:27,300 You having trouble with the porno film? 726 00:29:27,310 --> 00:29:31,800 Yes, a little casting trouble. 727 00:29:31,810 --> 00:29:34,140 We just need some lovely ladies 728 00:29:34,150 --> 00:29:36,940 with half your looks, and we'd be golden. 729 00:29:36,940 --> 00:29:38,900 You want me to be in your porno film? 730 00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:40,890 - Yeah. - No. 731 00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:42,570 I'm the writer/director. 732 00:29:42,570 --> 00:29:44,310 I'm not gonna be in your porno film, Some. 733 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,690 I would never do that. I got better things to do. 734 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:48,860 Who knows, Helen? 735 00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:51,280 It could be an opportunity to make some real money. 736 00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:56,750 Right now I'm waiting on this really terrific guy. 737 00:29:56,750 --> 00:29:58,490 He's gonna take me into the city, 738 00:29:58,510 --> 00:30:02,290 and we're gonna have a big time. 739 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:05,170 We might be going to the Bahamas next week... 740 00:30:05,180 --> 00:30:07,170 or the week after... he's taking me. 741 00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:09,840 What time is he supposed to pick you up? 742 00:30:09,850 --> 00:30:12,590 Eightish. 743 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,060 Well, it's pretty close to 10. 744 00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:20,220 He said "ish." 745 00:30:23,410 --> 00:30:24,690 Mine! Mine! Mine! 746 00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:25,780 Aah! 747 00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:28,520 I know some dishes who would do it for me as a favor 748 00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:30,570 'cause I've done them a few favors in the past, 749 00:30:30,580 --> 00:30:32,240 if you know what I mean. 750 00:30:32,250 --> 00:30:35,830 But, unfortunately, they're all out of town. 751 00:30:35,830 --> 00:30:39,120 Well, some... Some are out of town. 752 00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:41,920 Uh, one broke her leg. 753 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,260 And her back. 754 00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:45,470 Um, she's in a full body cast, 755 00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:46,580 so that wouldn't really work. 756 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,300 Well, not easily, anyway. 757 00:30:49,310 --> 00:30:51,800 [Andy narrating] From the bar, we went back to my house, 758 00:30:51,810 --> 00:30:54,470 which is also the production office. 759 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,310 I had this idea 760 00:30:56,310 --> 00:30:57,850 that we should draw up a list 761 00:30:57,860 --> 00:30:59,770 of the types of scenes we needed. 762 00:30:59,780 --> 00:31:02,310 This way we'd know how many cast members to get, 763 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,190 and what it is we'd be asking them to do. 764 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,280 Can we do that? 765 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:09,740 See, there are some required scenes in all pornos, 766 00:31:09,740 --> 00:31:11,860 you know, scenes that, well, you gotta have, 767 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,700 obviously, because, well, they all have 'em. 768 00:31:13,710 --> 00:31:15,120 Okay, that does it. 769 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,580 Now, we need at least one lesbo scene, 770 00:31:19,590 --> 00:31:22,250 so that's two gals. 771 00:31:22,260 --> 00:31:24,340 One gal masturbating with toys. 772 00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:26,960 That could be one of the gals from the lesbo scene. 773 00:31:26,970 --> 00:31:28,680 - Right? - Mmm. 774 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,140 At least one, uh... 775 00:31:30,140 --> 00:31:31,500 You know, maybe it'd be best 776 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,130 if it weren't. 777 00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:34,550 What do you mean, Some? 778 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,550 What is the lesbo scene gonna include? 779 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:38,970 A lot of donut bumping and carpet munching, right? 780 00:31:38,980 --> 00:31:42,270 So it's gonna concentrate a lot in the same area 781 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,730 as the gal-twiddling scene, isn't it? 782 00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:47,900 If we use one of the same gals from both, 783 00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,400 then maybe we'd... 784 00:31:49,410 --> 00:31:51,400 Be tired of looking at her fruit cup. 785 00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:54,740 Oh, all right. I hear you. 786 00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,160 All right. See, this is good. 787 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:57,450 We're working together. 788 00:31:57,460 --> 00:31:58,870 You know, let's keep this up. 789 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,790 Some, looking alive, buddy. 790 00:32:00,790 --> 00:32:02,000 Thank you. 791 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,290 You're walking and talking 792 00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,160 like a real writer/director now. 793 00:32:05,170 --> 00:32:06,580 Yeah. 794 00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:09,000 Okay, let's keep going. 795 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,340 So, at least one in-the-butt scene. 796 00:32:11,350 --> 00:32:13,840 Preferably two, but one will do. 797 00:32:13,850 --> 00:32:16,590 It's amazing how popular in-the-butt is. 798 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:17,840 In porno. 799 00:32:17,850 --> 00:32:22,520 Uh...okay, moving on. 800 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,480 One "black guys with dicks that'd be big on elephants 801 00:32:25,490 --> 00:32:27,270 with a little white girl" scene. 802 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:28,690 Where we're gonna get the black guy, 803 00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:29,900 I have no idea, 804 00:32:29,910 --> 00:32:32,440 but...that about does it. 805 00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:36,790 Uh, girl gobbling at least three guys at once, Andy. 806 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:38,370 Oh, good. Thanks, man. 807 00:32:38,370 --> 00:32:40,910 - Oh, whoa. Whoa. - Good call. 808 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,910 "Gal giving multiple knob jobs 809 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,590 concurrently" scene. 810 00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:53,590 Okay, here are the scenes. 811 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,050 We got lesbo, 812 00:32:56,060 --> 00:32:57,260 masturbating, 813 00:32:57,270 --> 00:32:58,350 a couple in-the-butt, 814 00:32:58,350 --> 00:33:00,510 white girl, black guys, 815 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,390 and blowing three. 816 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,360 - Good porno. - Mm-hmm. 817 00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:11,900 Hi, Floyd. 818 00:33:15,830 --> 00:33:17,610 Moe-Ron, hi. 819 00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:18,830 How ya doin'? 820 00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,290 Good. 821 00:33:20,290 --> 00:33:22,330 [indistinct chatter] 822 00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:29,330 Hey, Thelma. 823 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:31,500 Hi. 824 00:33:33,890 --> 00:33:37,180 Oh. Oh. 825 00:33:37,180 --> 00:33:39,090 Hmm. 826 00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:45,310 Well... 827 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,650 So, um... 828 00:33:48,650 --> 00:33:52,020 Billy's worried now that you've seen our place 829 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,490 that you're uncomfortable about having him 830 00:33:54,490 --> 00:33:55,780 spend the weekends with you. 831 00:33:55,780 --> 00:33:57,240 Well, I see him on weekends. 832 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,080 You take him out to dinner on Friday, 833 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,740 and then a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. 834 00:34:02,750 --> 00:34:04,110 Well... 835 00:34:04,130 --> 00:34:06,290 You know, he thought you'd be together on the weekends. 836 00:34:06,290 --> 00:34:09,790 There are no sheets on his bed, Thel. 837 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,790 When you moved out, you must've taken them. 838 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,420 There's just a stripped bed in his room. 839 00:34:13,430 --> 00:34:16,920 I didn't leave dirty sheets on the bed 840 00:34:16,930 --> 00:34:19,390 when I packed up the room. 841 00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:23,640 I'm sure that they're in the linen closet, 842 00:34:23,650 --> 00:34:25,350 or I'll buy you some new sheets. 843 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,770 I have a linen closet? 844 00:34:26,770 --> 00:34:30,310 Are there sheets for my bed in there, you think? 845 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,900 Andy, Billy doesn't care about houses, 846 00:34:34,910 --> 00:34:37,320 and he doesn't want you to care. 847 00:34:37,330 --> 00:34:40,320 You know he's not even that good at basketball. 848 00:34:40,330 --> 00:34:41,860 He only plays it because you did. 849 00:34:41,870 --> 00:34:44,330 Well, soon, I promise. 850 00:34:44,330 --> 00:34:47,000 I'm just in the middle of this thing right now, 851 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,620 the house is a mess with it, 852 00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:50,160 but I need to go with this thing. 853 00:34:50,170 --> 00:34:53,000 You know, this could really be a good thing. 854 00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:55,620 This...this could be it. 855 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,250 You know, I got a feeling. 856 00:34:59,260 --> 00:35:01,050 Good luck, Andy. 857 00:35:03,140 --> 00:35:06,680 My fingers are crossed in double knots for you. 858 00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:11,640 Bye. 859 00:35:11,650 --> 00:35:14,360 You look pretty, Thel. 860 00:35:19,830 --> 00:35:21,780 [Narrating] This is Some Idiot's mother's house. 861 00:35:21,790 --> 00:35:23,400 Some lives with his mom. 862 00:35:23,410 --> 00:35:25,700 She's mostly deaf, by the way. 863 00:35:25,710 --> 00:35:27,870 All right, so we've skipped ahead a little here. 864 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,580 Just a little. We still had no cast. 865 00:35:30,590 --> 00:35:33,040 We went to Some's for an afternoon snack. 866 00:35:33,050 --> 00:35:36,340 To his credit, he was taking this thing pretty seriously. 867 00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:38,330 Some was reading all kinds of books on film, 868 00:35:38,350 --> 00:35:42,090 and had a first draft of the script for us. 869 00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:44,260 - Example. - Uh, not anything good. 870 00:35:44,270 --> 00:35:45,680 "Page 44. 871 00:35:45,690 --> 00:35:48,800 "Exterior. Top of train. Day. 872 00:35:48,810 --> 00:35:51,060 "The train speeds through the city 873 00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:53,600 "as Yvonne and Jizelle lay on the top of the train, 874 00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:55,770 eating out each other's honey pots." 875 00:35:55,780 --> 00:35:59,570 First of all, well, that's a very nice scene. 876 00:35:59,570 --> 00:36:00,810 We don't have any women yet, 877 00:36:00,830 --> 00:36:02,240 let alone two to yodel each other 878 00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:04,030 on the top of a moving train. 879 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,530 And then, here, reaction shots 880 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,660 from people in skyscrapers 881 00:36:09,670 --> 00:36:11,910 as they peer and gawk out their windows 882 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,040 at the passing train. 883 00:36:14,050 --> 00:36:15,380 You know, again, terrific, 884 00:36:15,380 --> 00:36:17,120 but where is this? 885 00:36:17,130 --> 00:36:18,790 We're gonna build a city 886 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,420 for the train to pass through 887 00:36:20,430 --> 00:36:23,590 that's surrounded by skyscrapers? 888 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,890 What, are we gonna fly somewhere? 889 00:36:25,890 --> 00:36:28,130 And then here. This is my favorite. 890 00:36:28,140 --> 00:36:32,260 99. "Interior. Office. Day. 891 00:36:32,270 --> 00:36:34,560 "Boris gives it to Bianca in the butt 892 00:36:34,570 --> 00:36:37,030 as she defuses the bomb." 893 00:36:37,030 --> 00:36:39,360 I mean, you know, a bomb? 894 00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:42,200 Some Idiot, tell your friends to stop talking so much. 895 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,490 How can they eat? 896 00:36:43,490 --> 00:36:44,860 Everybody's good, Ma. Don't worry about it. 897 00:36:44,870 --> 00:36:46,450 It's an important meeting here, Mom. 898 00:36:46,450 --> 00:36:47,820 This is delicious, Mrs. Cherkiss. 899 00:36:47,830 --> 00:36:49,620 How's your son, Andy? 900 00:36:49,620 --> 00:36:50,910 Does he like being rich? 901 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,200 Oh, yeah. 902 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:55,170 I hear he's got a basketball court in his room. Is that right? 903 00:36:55,170 --> 00:36:56,710 - Yeah. - Yeah. Great. 904 00:36:59,510 --> 00:37:01,670 Some, I don't know. 905 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,920 Uh, I mean personally, 906 00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:06,470 I think Bianca, you know, 907 00:37:06,470 --> 00:37:08,140 she might be a little distracted 908 00:37:08,140 --> 00:37:09,850 If Boris visits her back porch 909 00:37:09,850 --> 00:37:11,840 while she's diffusing the bomb. 910 00:37:11,860 --> 00:37:14,720 And it's kind of irresponsible 911 00:37:14,730 --> 00:37:16,390 of them, you know? 912 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,480 So many people die if the bomb goes off! 913 00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:21,820 Some, we don't know what we're doing! 914 00:37:21,820 --> 00:37:22,980 [Moose] I mean, really, Some. 915 00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:25,230 Even I could keep my hands off some hot dolly 916 00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,780 if she was busy diffusing a bomb, 917 00:37:26,790 --> 00:37:28,200 at least for a few minutes. 918 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,660 I really think Boris should show some restraint. 919 00:37:30,670 --> 00:37:32,450 Andy, Orson Welles said, 920 00:37:32,460 --> 00:37:35,120 "The absence of limitation is the enemy of art." 921 00:37:35,130 --> 00:37:36,710 I'm sorry, but what's the point 922 00:37:36,710 --> 00:37:38,250 of letting me write the script 923 00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:40,460 if you're not gonna let me do what I do? 924 00:37:40,470 --> 00:37:42,960 We don't know what we're doing, Some! 925 00:37:42,970 --> 00:37:44,710 We've got to keep it simple! 926 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,680 Otherwise, we're never going to make this porn! 927 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,140 Andy, first off, 928 00:37:48,140 --> 00:37:50,220 lesbians are not going to be hard to find. 929 00:37:50,230 --> 00:37:52,310 Read a magazine. They're growing on trees these days. 930 00:37:52,310 --> 00:37:54,520 We couldn't film a kiss today. 931 00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,730 Who wants Jell-o? 932 00:37:55,730 --> 00:37:57,350 You know that scene 933 00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,100 where the helicopter lowers the ladder 934 00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:02,020 and Congresswoman Pennedy and her black bodyguard Leroy, 935 00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,440 they grab on, they're swooped away 936 00:38:03,450 --> 00:38:04,940 just in the nick of time? 937 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,860 She proceeds to blow him on the ladder 938 00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:08,650 while they're swung around the sky? 939 00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:12,490 That scene is covered by our budget? 940 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:13,860 That's not my... 941 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,710 It's got cut-up fruit in it. 942 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,540 Some, this thing is 190 pages. 943 00:38:18,550 --> 00:38:19,790 You got to figure 944 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,960 that a porno is like an action film. 945 00:38:21,970 --> 00:38:23,750 Who needs "The car blows up. 946 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,300 "A huge red fireball engulfs the area, 947 00:38:26,300 --> 00:38:28,050 "sending flaming pieces 948 00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:29,840 "of burning metal through the air. 949 00:38:29,850 --> 00:38:31,760 People flee," et cetera, et cetera? 950 00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:33,220 Pears and apples. 951 00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:34,640 "The car blows up. 952 00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:36,850 The gal blows the guy" will do. 953 00:38:36,860 --> 00:38:37,970 We get it. 954 00:38:37,980 --> 00:38:40,470 Nine, ten pages, no more. 955 00:38:40,490 --> 00:38:42,320 Uh, Mrs. Cherkiss, you don't have to serve us. 956 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,730 Join us here. 957 00:38:43,740 --> 00:38:45,480 - Okay, honey. - I have to go. 958 00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:46,730 That's it, right there. 959 00:38:46,740 --> 00:38:48,150 Let's see here. 960 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,270 Thank you. 961 00:38:49,290 --> 00:38:50,620 Okay, I've been sitting on this all night, 962 00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:52,080 waiting for the right moment. 963 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,290 I saved the day. Finally got us some gals. 964 00:38:54,290 --> 00:38:56,120 - At least one for sure. - What? 965 00:38:56,130 --> 00:38:57,660 I've been wracking my brain. 966 00:38:57,670 --> 00:38:59,540 These are modern times. 967 00:38:59,550 --> 00:39:01,410 There must be some gals around here 968 00:39:01,420 --> 00:39:03,160 who would like to do some porn. 969 00:39:03,170 --> 00:39:06,260 The opportunity has simply not lent itself. 970 00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:07,970 And then it hit me. 971 00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,760 I got embarrassed, it's so obvious. 972 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,000 Who is it? 973 00:39:11,020 --> 00:39:12,930 Who's the sure thing? Tell us. 974 00:39:12,930 --> 00:39:14,850 The gal at the bed store. 975 00:39:14,850 --> 00:39:16,940 - Hey! - She's hot! 976 00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:18,350 Right? Come on. 977 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,970 - Yeah, I like her. - Oh! 978 00:39:19,980 --> 00:39:21,600 How did you... When did you ask her? 979 00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:23,270 Haven't yet. We got to do that. 980 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,940 Then she didn't say she'd do it. 981 00:39:24,950 --> 00:39:27,280 - Barney, she works in a bed store. - Yeah? 982 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,860 A gal who works in a bed store, 983 00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:31,280 you know she likes to what? 984 00:39:31,290 --> 00:39:32,870 Earn a living? 985 00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:35,830 Go to bed, A.K.A. lie down, 986 00:39:35,830 --> 00:39:37,450 A.K.A. scrump. 987 00:39:37,460 --> 00:39:39,420 I do? I know that? Since when do I know that? 988 00:39:39,420 --> 00:39:41,130 Why else would she work at a bed store? 989 00:39:41,130 --> 00:39:42,490 Again, I mention salary. 990 00:39:42,510 --> 00:39:44,840 - Maybe she likes to sleep. - Yeah, she probably loves both, 991 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,000 but we're only concerned with the "her loving to scrump" part. 992 00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:48,220 I don't think you're right. 993 00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:49,460 No, I'm positive. 994 00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:50,840 We're all missing this? 995 00:39:50,850 --> 00:39:52,590 Four idiots doubting something makes it untrue? 996 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,640 She works at a bed store. 997 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,850 Scrumping's her middle name. 998 00:39:56,850 --> 00:39:58,970 Vegetarians don't sell hot dogs! 999 00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:01,810 Emmett, I ask you something. I tell you a gal works in a bed store. 1000 00:40:01,820 --> 00:40:04,400 - What do you know for sure? - Loves to scrump. 1001 00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:33,420 She's in. 1002 00:40:33,430 --> 00:40:35,390 Are you serious? 1003 00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:38,180 We have our first cast member? 1004 00:40:38,190 --> 00:40:39,890 [Narrating] Now we were really off and running. 1005 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:41,100 Otis, way to go! 1006 00:40:41,110 --> 00:40:43,060 I cannot believe it! This is fantastic! 1007 00:40:43,070 --> 00:40:44,400 You told her everything? 1008 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,890 Oh, yeah, she'll do it in the butt, 1009 00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:47,520 off helicopters, with toys, anything. 1010 00:40:47,530 --> 00:40:48,940 She works in a bed store, 1011 00:40:48,950 --> 00:40:50,190 so naturally she loves scrumping. 1012 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,440 I cannot believe it! 1013 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:53,820 You just asked her, 1014 00:40:53,830 --> 00:40:56,240 and now we have our first cast member. 1015 00:40:56,250 --> 00:40:59,360 Andy, I wasn't kidding when I said 1016 00:40:59,370 --> 00:41:01,460 I was looking forward to this porno. 1017 00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:03,870 And let this be a lesson to all of us. 1018 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:08,340 In life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. 1019 00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:13,710 Unfortunately, a little problem came 1020 00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:15,260 from Otis' success. 1021 00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:16,930 It encouraged Some. 1022 00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:19,100 The next day, he called me all revved up 1023 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:20,840 and insisted I meet him right away. 1024 00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:21,970 He's got us another actress. 1025 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,560 Charlene Pike. Works here full time. 1026 00:41:24,570 --> 00:41:25,900 She's 20, I'm telling you. 1027 00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,360 She looks 16. 1028 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,730 But she's 20. Five days ago. 1029 00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:32,650 I know it for a fact. I remember when she was born. 1030 00:41:32,660 --> 00:41:34,900 You told her everything, in detail, 1031 00:41:34,910 --> 00:41:36,490 about what she'd be doing? 1032 00:41:36,490 --> 00:41:39,410 I swear to God, Andy, tell her yourself. 1033 00:41:39,410 --> 00:41:41,000 According to Some, 1034 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,370 Charlene wanted to do our porno...a lot. 1035 00:41:43,380 --> 00:41:45,740 I'm not comfortable with this. It feels wrong. 1036 00:41:45,750 --> 00:41:47,590 I don't think we'd be doing the right thing. 1037 00:41:47,590 --> 00:41:50,830 Free country, Andy. If she wants to... She's 20. 1038 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,550 We're not twisting her arm 1039 00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:54,960 or telling her lies to get her to do it, 1040 00:41:54,970 --> 00:41:56,210 and we need her. 1041 00:41:56,220 --> 00:41:57,680 What about Ernest G.? 1042 00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,800 He'd actually kill us in a second. 1043 00:41:59,810 --> 00:42:02,220 [Narrating] The only really dangerous screwed-up guy 1044 00:42:02,230 --> 00:42:04,890 that's ever lived around here is this guy Ernest G.: 1045 00:42:04,900 --> 00:42:07,110 Ernest G. Pike, Charlene's big brother. 1046 00:42:07,110 --> 00:42:09,470 Ernest G.'s somewhere where he gets very little news 1047 00:42:09,490 --> 00:42:10,820 and where they don't allow killing. 1048 00:42:10,820 --> 00:42:13,780 He's doing time upstate for a bunch of robberies. 1049 00:42:13,780 --> 00:42:15,770 He won't be away forever. What about when he gets out? 1050 00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:17,020 Well, it's not today. 1051 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,700 That's all we have to worry about. 1052 00:42:18,700 --> 00:42:20,160 I've been to the movies before. 1053 00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,320 I assume you have, too, so we both know 1054 00:42:22,330 --> 00:42:23,990 this guy is popping up here soon. 1055 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,160 I just feel better coming clean with it now 1056 00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:27,710 rather than treating you 1057 00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:29,250 like a bunch of idiots who didn't know. 1058 00:42:29,260 --> 00:42:30,920 Anyway... 1059 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,090 When the day does come, if he finds out, 1060 00:42:33,090 --> 00:42:34,830 we'll be rich enough to hire bodyguards 1061 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,550 or someone to rough him up, whatever. 1062 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,140 I can't worry about the distant future, Andy, 1063 00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:43,510 not when there's a piece of good fortune 1064 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,230 available to us right now. 1065 00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:48,190 Just talk to her. 1066 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:53,230 Has Some, uh, told you, uh... 1067 00:42:53,240 --> 00:42:57,450 what...you'd be doing? 1068 00:42:57,450 --> 00:42:59,320 Yeah. 1069 00:42:59,330 --> 00:43:00,570 Okay. 1070 00:43:02,710 --> 00:43:05,240 W-Why would you want to do this? 1071 00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:08,080 Ever worked at the Softy Freeze, Andy? 1072 00:43:08,090 --> 00:43:10,670 No. No, they... they wouldn't hire me. 1073 00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:14,160 Andy, why the hell do you live in Butterface Fields? 1074 00:43:14,180 --> 00:43:15,380 Are you crazy? 1075 00:43:15,380 --> 00:43:17,380 I mean, why would anybody do that, 1076 00:43:17,390 --> 00:43:18,880 let alone want to do that? 1077 00:43:18,890 --> 00:43:20,850 Do you want to see my list 1078 00:43:20,850 --> 00:43:22,970 of opportunities that have come my way? 1079 00:43:26,100 --> 00:43:29,100 Andy, I'm just seizing any openings 1080 00:43:29,110 --> 00:43:31,470 because I don't know what else to do. 1081 00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,350 I mean, I've had sex before. 1082 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,100 It's so boring around here, I've actually had a lot of it. 1083 00:43:36,110 --> 00:43:38,610 I've even gone to a lot of trouble 1084 00:43:38,620 --> 00:43:40,530 just to try and keep the sex interesting, 1085 00:43:40,540 --> 00:43:42,280 you know, just to compensate 1086 00:43:42,290 --> 00:43:43,950 for the quality of life around here, 1087 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,200 which is so boring 1088 00:43:45,210 --> 00:43:49,290 that I keep myself busy by having sex. 1089 00:43:49,290 --> 00:43:50,910 And, well, you're paying, 1090 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,660 so that makes it the best offer that I've had today. 1091 00:43:55,930 --> 00:43:58,090 And then there's also the unknown. 1092 00:43:58,090 --> 00:44:01,960 So...yeah. 1093 00:44:01,970 --> 00:44:04,090 Count me in. 1094 00:44:09,610 --> 00:44:11,720 [Andy narrating] So we're off and running. 1095 00:44:11,730 --> 00:44:14,020 Good ol' Moe-Ron really came through for us. 1096 00:44:14,030 --> 00:44:15,440 They got us... are you ready? 1097 00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,980 Three black guys, no problem. 1098 00:44:16,990 --> 00:44:19,570 How about that? Yeah, I said three. 1099 00:44:19,570 --> 00:44:21,610 I've seen as many as a busload 1100 00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:24,830 in these "big black guys with a little white girl" scenes, 1101 00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:26,700 but, you know, three is... is respectable. 1102 00:44:26,710 --> 00:44:28,660 They live here in Butterface Fields. 1103 00:44:28,670 --> 00:44:31,660 Moe-Ron, they work with them at the factory. 1104 00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:32,830 Now smile. 1105 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:34,290 I went down to the factory. 1106 00:44:34,300 --> 00:44:35,830 Gave them the whole story. 1107 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,300 They couldn't have been more game. 1108 00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:38,590 Thought it sounded like fun. 1109 00:44:38,590 --> 00:44:40,630 So anyway, here we are. 1110 00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:41,880 They're nice fellas. 1111 00:44:43,850 --> 00:44:46,060 Uh, oh, you're wondering 1112 00:44:46,060 --> 00:44:48,680 how we got to film at the Softy Freeze? 1113 00:44:48,690 --> 00:44:49,930 This is Roy, the manager. 1114 00:44:49,940 --> 00:44:51,390 He gets to stay and watch. 1115 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,060 He even threw in free snacks. 1116 00:44:53,070 --> 00:44:55,350 We're pretty good filmmakers, huh? 1117 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,650 We had already gotten a couple of normal scenes, 1118 00:44:57,650 --> 00:44:59,740 and we're about ready to do our first, uh... 1119 00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,230 Sex scene 1, take 1. 1120 00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:02,950 ...sex scene. 1121 00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:04,410 If I could have everyone's attention, please? 1122 00:45:04,410 --> 00:45:05,740 Quiet on the set! 1123 00:45:05,750 --> 00:45:07,740 [whistle blows] 1124 00:45:07,750 --> 00:45:10,240 One voice, please! 1125 00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:12,160 - Thank you. - No, I got to go. 1126 00:45:12,170 --> 00:45:13,620 We're about to shoot the porno. 1127 00:45:13,630 --> 00:45:14,790 [Girl on phone] Cool. 1128 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,630 Thank you. 1129 00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:19,370 We're almost ready for our first take. 1130 00:45:19,380 --> 00:45:22,880 I'm going to speak with my actors now. 1131 00:45:22,890 --> 00:45:24,170 Hello, actors. 1132 00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:25,260 - Hey. - Hey. 1133 00:45:25,260 --> 00:45:28,720 Charlene, you're a Softy Freeze employee. 1134 00:45:28,730 --> 00:45:31,970 All I need from you is to just be yourself. 1135 00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:34,350 And on this night, you're working late. 1136 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,850 These guys are the cleanup crew. 1137 00:45:35,860 --> 00:45:38,350 There's no one here but you and them. 1138 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,100 Now, we're picking up the scene 1139 00:45:40,110 --> 00:45:41,850 after you've seduced them 1140 00:45:41,860 --> 00:45:45,400 by bending over and picking things up off the floor 1141 00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:48,740 in your short little Softy Freeze skirt. 1142 00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:51,580 We've established that sex is going to be had. 1143 00:45:51,580 --> 00:45:54,540 We're going to lose the towels and robes, 1144 00:45:54,540 --> 00:45:57,630 and on "action", you three guys 1145 00:45:57,630 --> 00:46:00,340 are going to ravage the hell out of Charlene 1146 00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:02,050 on the Softy Freeze counter. 1147 00:46:02,050 --> 00:46:05,210 As we discussed, let's really go to town here. 1148 00:46:05,220 --> 00:46:07,180 It's a big night for you guys. 1149 00:46:07,180 --> 00:46:09,050 Normally it's just moppin', 1150 00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:11,300 but tonight it's boffin'. 1151 00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:12,680 Art imitating life here? 1152 00:46:12,690 --> 00:46:14,100 No acting required, all right? 1153 00:46:14,110 --> 00:46:15,440 - Excuse me. - Thanks. 1154 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:16,980 Are there any questions? 1155 00:46:16,980 --> 00:46:19,220 Okay, let's lose the robe and towels. 1156 00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:20,690 Excuse me, Some, 1157 00:46:20,700 --> 00:46:24,060 maybe we should give them a little privacy. 1158 00:46:24,070 --> 00:46:25,190 What? 1159 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,070 Well... 1160 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,240 And, we're going to end up seeing it anyway. 1161 00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,490 We're filming it. 1162 00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:33,160 But that... that's kind of different, 1163 00:46:33,170 --> 00:46:34,410 you know, removed. 1164 00:46:34,420 --> 00:46:36,750 We're standing here. It doesn't seem right. 1165 00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:38,080 I agree with Andy. 1166 00:46:38,090 --> 00:46:39,370 Seems right to me. Why do this, then? 1167 00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:41,120 How do we make a film without looking? 1168 00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:43,250 Let's just do the best we can, hmm? 1169 00:46:43,260 --> 00:46:44,500 Okay. 1170 00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:45,630 Okay. 1171 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:46,840 Everybody turn around. 1172 00:46:48,260 --> 00:46:50,600 So let's lose the robe and towels. 1173 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,680 Whoa. 1174 00:46:53,690 --> 00:46:55,270 Are they off? 1175 00:46:55,270 --> 00:46:56,510 Action. 1176 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,640 Uh, uh, uh, eh, Some, 1177 00:46:58,650 --> 00:47:00,560 you better have a look at this. 1178 00:47:01,650 --> 00:47:03,140 Oh! 1179 00:47:03,150 --> 00:47:05,020 Cut. Cut. 1180 00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:08,940 Those are your penises? 1181 00:47:08,950 --> 00:47:10,570 Mm-hmm. 1182 00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:13,110 Andy, I can't work with these. 1183 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,990 Guys... 1184 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,870 Did all your parents work in the same nuclear plant or something? 1185 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,490 All right, let's... let's take a break. 1186 00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:22,590 Uh, fellas. 1187 00:47:22,590 --> 00:47:24,750 This is bullshit. 1188 00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,340 Oh, I don't know. There's something wrong 1189 00:47:26,340 --> 00:47:28,430 with the black guys' penises or something. 1190 00:47:28,430 --> 00:47:33,670 This is the "young little white girl with the big black guys" scene. 1191 00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:38,730 None of you are bouncers. Two of you aren't over 5'6". 1192 00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:41,850 What did you think I meant by "big"? 1193 00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:43,980 [Narrating] Lesson number 1 1194 00:47:43,990 --> 00:47:45,480 when making a film: 1195 00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:48,360 no one gets a part without dropping their pants. 1196 00:47:48,370 --> 00:47:50,070 Ah, you live and you learn. 1197 00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,440 This... This was bad. 1198 00:47:51,450 --> 00:47:53,160 We lost Charlene. 1199 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,070 Her family had a vacation to Florida booked. 1200 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:56,660 Her grandma's down there. 1201 00:47:56,670 --> 00:47:58,830 All we had was Ellie from the bed store, 1202 00:47:58,830 --> 00:48:00,330 and with only one actress, 1203 00:48:00,340 --> 00:48:02,420 it was going to be very hard 1204 00:48:02,420 --> 00:48:04,830 to come up with enough sex for a full-length film. 1205 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,550 And then there's the guys, you know? 1206 00:48:06,550 --> 00:48:08,590 We had no guys. 1207 00:48:08,590 --> 00:48:11,180 Important meeting. Okay. 1208 00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:12,970 So we definitely didn't want to waste 1209 00:48:12,970 --> 00:48:14,560 the momentum we had going here. 1210 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,520 Brainstorming time. 1211 00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,890 Here's what came out of the meeting. 1212 00:48:18,900 --> 00:48:21,890 We decided that we would each go our own separate ways 1213 00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:25,270 and come back with actresses for our film. 1214 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:26,520 Divide and conquer. 1215 00:48:26,530 --> 00:48:28,020 It was up to the individual 1216 00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:29,520 to forge his own path 1217 00:48:29,530 --> 00:48:33,780 and design a way we'd emerge victorious. 1218 00:48:33,790 --> 00:48:35,950 Moose had an interesting idea. 1219 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:39,120 [Moose] Girls, please. 1220 00:48:39,130 --> 00:48:41,240 Girls. 1221 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:45,210 I have a very exciting opportunity 1222 00:48:45,210 --> 00:48:49,300 that I'm very happy to be able to offer you today. 1223 00:48:49,300 --> 00:48:51,260 [Andy narrating] Peggy was in Playboy, 1224 00:48:51,260 --> 00:48:52,920 like, uh, 15 years ago. 1225 00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:55,010 It was just one little picture 1226 00:48:55,020 --> 00:48:56,970 in the "Girls of Figure Skating" issue. 1227 00:48:56,980 --> 00:48:59,060 Peggy wasn't a figure skater, 1228 00:48:59,060 --> 00:49:01,140 but, uh, you know, had a nice figure 1229 00:49:01,150 --> 00:49:02,560 and was in charge 1230 00:49:02,570 --> 00:49:04,480 of the rental skates at the rink, 1231 00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:06,770 so good enough as far as Playboy was concerned. 1232 00:49:06,780 --> 00:49:08,440 Uh, the plus side: 1233 00:49:08,450 --> 00:49:11,150 she worked before with her clothes off. 1234 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,570 We all agreed Some should take this time 1235 00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:15,160 to rewrite the script. 1236 00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:18,820 Ma! I'm hungry, please! 1237 00:49:21,670 --> 00:49:24,880 Barney had other plans for the day. 1238 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,840 Most of their lives they've known each other. 1239 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,670 - [wolf whistle] - Barn's never stopped trying. 1240 00:49:28,670 --> 00:49:29,910 You are such a jerk. 1241 00:49:29,930 --> 00:49:31,630 You think this outfit makes me look cheap? 1242 00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:33,130 Don't you own a mirror? 1243 00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:35,130 - I'm serious. - Me, too. 1244 00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:37,420 Look, Helen, 1245 00:49:37,430 --> 00:49:39,170 I happen to have the solution for you. 1246 00:49:39,190 --> 00:49:40,640 Now, this is excellent advice. 1247 00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,810 I've always kind of dabbled in PR, and this... 1248 00:49:42,810 --> 00:49:45,810 Barney, you are nothing but a lousy refrigerator repairman. 1249 00:49:45,820 --> 00:49:48,230 I'm acquainted with my own profession. 1250 00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,980 But just listen to this campaign I've put together 1251 00:49:51,990 --> 00:49:53,700 to improve your image. 1252 00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:56,280 Right now, the way you present yourself, 1253 00:49:56,290 --> 00:49:58,620 you've taken away all the many aspects 1254 00:49:58,620 --> 00:50:01,080 that comprise a human being as their right of birth, 1255 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,290 and you've reduced yourself to only one aspect: 1256 00:50:04,290 --> 00:50:05,950 babaloos. 1257 00:50:07,420 --> 00:50:10,000 Now, me? I'm just a guy. 1258 00:50:10,010 --> 00:50:12,000 A poor schnook, a repairman. 1259 00:50:12,010 --> 00:50:13,880 Yeah, of nothing but refrigerators. 1260 00:50:13,890 --> 00:50:16,720 [Andy narrating] Otis had an interesting idea as well. 1261 00:50:16,720 --> 00:50:20,140 We're a stew of quite a melange of flavors, 1262 00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:22,550 uh, wouldn't you say? 1263 00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:25,470 "Melange" means "mixture", by the way. 1264 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,470 Uh, I should have just said "mixture". 1265 00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,980 Getting a little carried away here. Sorry. 1266 00:50:29,990 --> 00:50:32,070 [Man whistles] 1267 00:50:33,820 --> 00:50:36,440 Hiya. 1268 00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:38,320 Well, hi to you, honey. 1269 00:50:38,330 --> 00:50:40,570 I used to choke my Chattanooga choo-choo 1270 00:50:40,580 --> 00:50:42,540 to you at least once a day. 1271 00:50:42,540 --> 00:50:43,950 Some days not just twice. 1272 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,420 Oh, a sweet talker, huh? 1273 00:50:46,420 --> 00:50:47,880 You babysitted me. 1274 00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,540 You were a friend of my sister's. 1275 00:50:49,550 --> 00:50:50,660 You're Vera Bracey. 1276 00:50:50,670 --> 00:50:52,710 You're little Otis? 1277 00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:53,920 - Oh. - Yeah. 1278 00:50:53,930 --> 00:50:56,010 You were so cute! 1279 00:51:06,980 --> 00:51:08,440 Oh, hey, Andy. 1280 00:51:09,730 --> 00:51:11,520 What can I do for you? 1281 00:51:11,530 --> 00:51:16,020 Oh, uh...aspirin, I'll take some of that aspirin. 1282 00:51:16,030 --> 00:51:17,270 Okay. 1283 00:51:18,530 --> 00:51:21,320 Here you go. Got a headache? 1284 00:51:21,330 --> 00:51:23,910 Oh, no, no. I'm fine. 1285 00:51:23,910 --> 00:51:26,410 Uh, I knew you sell it here. 1286 00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:29,450 I'm out at home. 1287 00:51:29,460 --> 00:51:31,170 You got something on your mind? 1288 00:51:31,170 --> 00:51:33,540 My mind? No, no. Why? 1289 00:51:33,550 --> 00:51:35,460 'Cause most people don't stop by the ball field 1290 00:51:35,470 --> 00:51:37,050 to pick up their aspirin. 1291 00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:44,720 Life is about new experiences. 1292 00:51:44,730 --> 00:51:46,890 And you got a peach of a pair, by the way. 1293 00:51:46,900 --> 00:51:48,350 I'm not knocking your knockers. 1294 00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,270 And I know you're more than just babaloos. 1295 00:51:50,270 --> 00:51:53,310 But how do we get everyone else to know that? 1296 00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:54,680 Here's how that could happen. 1297 00:51:54,700 --> 00:51:57,310 Here's how that would happen. 1298 00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:03,440 You start doing me. 1299 00:52:03,450 --> 00:52:04,910 Oh... 1300 00:52:04,910 --> 00:52:06,530 This is excellent advice. 1301 00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:07,910 You'd want to see me 1302 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:09,910 bent over the sofa taking it up the a... 1303 00:52:12,090 --> 00:52:15,130 So, Peggy, a funny thing, 1304 00:52:15,130 --> 00:52:18,380 but, uh, I was, uh, getting my hair cut 1305 00:52:18,390 --> 00:52:20,550 the other day at the barber shop. 1306 00:52:20,550 --> 00:52:22,800 I was waiting my turn 1307 00:52:22,810 --> 00:52:24,050 and, uh, browsing 1308 00:52:24,060 --> 00:52:26,140 the magazines they offer there, 1309 00:52:26,140 --> 00:52:28,560 and, well, they offer quite a few, 1310 00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,600 uh, and they happened to have Playboy there. 1311 00:52:30,610 --> 00:52:33,690 You know, it's a barber shop. A lot of men come there, 1312 00:52:33,690 --> 00:52:35,150 so I guess they figure 1313 00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:37,360 that men might like to glance at the Playboy 1314 00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:38,900 - while waiting to have their hair cut. - Right. 1315 00:52:38,910 --> 00:52:40,490 And I was reminded 1316 00:52:40,490 --> 00:52:44,360 that, uh, you were once in Playboy. 1317 00:52:44,370 --> 00:52:47,660 Believe I heard... heard that somewhere. 1318 00:52:47,670 --> 00:52:51,200 And I was, you know, just wondering, uh... 1319 00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,950 what was that like? 1320 00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:55,540 ♪ Don't stop me ♪ 1321 00:52:55,550 --> 00:52:56,750 So nice to see you. 1322 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,090 ♪ Don't stop me ♪ 1323 00:52:58,090 --> 00:52:59,920 About time they got rid of shaking hands. 1324 00:52:59,930 --> 00:53:01,170 Do you mind? 1325 00:53:01,180 --> 00:53:02,960 Do I mind if you rub my dick? 1326 00:53:02,970 --> 00:53:04,090 Yeah. 1327 00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:05,510 No, it saves me the trouble. 1328 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,430 I'm trying to think of the last time 1329 00:53:07,430 --> 00:53:09,300 I was asked a question that stupid. 1330 00:53:09,310 --> 00:53:10,770 Girls, please! 1331 00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:12,510 Look, we won't mention it again! 1332 00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,850 Forget I brought it up! 1333 00:53:13,860 --> 00:53:15,270 - Go away! - What porno? 1334 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:17,940 Floyd, could I please get another cherry soda? 1335 00:53:17,950 --> 00:53:19,940 Then they find out we are doing it, 1336 00:53:19,950 --> 00:53:21,610 and it changes everything. 1337 00:53:21,620 --> 00:53:24,900 They realize you're not some "dime a dozen" bimbo. 1338 00:53:24,910 --> 00:53:27,320 If you were, you wouldn't be with me. 1339 00:53:27,330 --> 00:53:30,700 You must be a person of great worth. 1340 00:53:30,710 --> 00:53:33,950 Now, all we got to do to make this happen is, 1341 00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:37,550 I move in to your place, 1342 00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:39,580 and we start having sex all the time. 1343 00:53:39,590 --> 00:53:40,830 [scoffs] 1344 00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:42,670 Constant sex is important. 1345 00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,670 Then, who knows? 1346 00:53:50,020 --> 00:53:54,980 It was years before anybody looked at me the same. 1347 00:53:54,980 --> 00:53:56,970 I think, you know, they thought 1348 00:53:56,980 --> 00:53:58,730 I was some wild thing 1349 00:53:58,740 --> 00:54:00,940 who loved to take her clothes off 1350 00:54:00,950 --> 00:54:02,810 instead of just some struggling 1351 00:54:02,820 --> 00:54:05,660 young woman who had been held up at gunpoint that month 1352 00:54:05,660 --> 00:54:09,200 and couldn't pay her rent. 1353 00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:13,540 Well, luckily, then, that was, you know, a long time ago, 1354 00:54:13,540 --> 00:54:15,160 a distant memory, and you certainly 1355 00:54:15,170 --> 00:54:17,580 won't ever have to do anything like that again. 1356 00:54:20,300 --> 00:54:23,710 You certainly have a great-looking kid. 1357 00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,380 Yeah. 1358 00:54:27,970 --> 00:54:29,930 Okay. 1359 00:54:29,930 --> 00:54:31,170 [chuckles] 1360 00:54:31,190 --> 00:54:34,140 Andy? 1361 00:54:34,150 --> 00:54:37,060 If you're looking for a way to ask me out, 1362 00:54:37,070 --> 00:54:39,520 you don't have to work so hard. 1363 00:54:39,530 --> 00:54:41,980 - Oh, no? - No. 1364 00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:46,990 When? 1365 00:54:46,990 --> 00:54:49,860 [Andy narrating] Clearly, I lacked the necessary tools 1366 00:54:49,870 --> 00:54:51,860 to be a successful pornographer. 1367 00:54:53,170 --> 00:54:56,030 I'm sorry, I let you all down. 1368 00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:57,580 No, you didn't, Andy. 1369 00:54:57,590 --> 00:54:58,830 Well... 1370 00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:00,120 No, you tried your best, Andy. 1371 00:55:00,130 --> 00:55:01,460 We all did. 1372 00:55:01,470 --> 00:55:03,920 Just a bad day for all of us. 1373 00:55:03,930 --> 00:55:06,090 An especially bad day for my hair. 1374 00:55:11,020 --> 00:55:13,260 Fellas, V. V, fellas. 1375 00:55:13,270 --> 00:55:15,100 She's ready to porno. 1376 00:55:15,980 --> 00:55:17,770 [All cheering] 1377 00:55:17,770 --> 00:55:19,010 To V! 1378 00:55:19,020 --> 00:55:20,230 V! 1379 00:55:20,230 --> 00:55:21,720 Here's to V. 1380 00:55:21,740 --> 00:55:25,190 Thank you, guys. Thank you. 1381 00:55:25,910 --> 00:55:28,770 Okay, remember Homer and the other black guys 1382 00:55:28,780 --> 00:55:30,700 who were supposed to be in that "big black guys 1383 00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:32,610 with the little white girl "scene? 1384 00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:34,610 Well, none of them, 1385 00:55:34,620 --> 00:55:36,740 or Charlene got the other half of their money, 1386 00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:39,540 because they ended up not doing the job. 1387 00:55:39,550 --> 00:55:41,960 Well, Homer and his friends have decided 1388 00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:43,800 that they're owed the other half. 1389 00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,710 They feel real strongly about It. 1390 00:55:45,720 --> 00:55:47,550 So I get a call from Homer. 1391 00:55:47,550 --> 00:55:50,470 He wants to talk this over man-to-man here at Meyer's. 1392 00:55:50,470 --> 00:55:53,060 We feel we're owed the money, 1393 00:55:53,060 --> 00:55:55,550 if for nothing else, because of the way you treated us. 1394 00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,600 Things, well... 1395 00:55:57,600 --> 00:55:59,350 they may have gotten a little out of hand. 1396 00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,350 We weren't as kind as we should have been, 1397 00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:04,520 and so I apologize. 1398 00:56:04,530 --> 00:56:06,490 I'd be happy to get the other guys, too, Homer, 1399 00:56:06,490 --> 00:56:11,980 but what I don't think you realize is... 1400 00:56:11,990 --> 00:56:14,530 we got nothing for the 3,000 we already gave you. 1401 00:56:14,540 --> 00:56:17,830 Now you want us to give you another three for more nothing, 1402 00:56:17,830 --> 00:56:19,620 plus Charlene's thou? 1403 00:56:19,630 --> 00:56:22,080 You know, that's a third of our budget flushed down the toilet. 1404 00:56:22,090 --> 00:56:24,450 Well, that's not our problem, is it? 1405 00:56:24,460 --> 00:56:26,960 No. No, that's our problem, 1406 00:56:26,970 --> 00:56:29,460 and that's why we can't do as you ask. 1407 00:56:29,470 --> 00:56:31,550 You said 2,000 a man. 1408 00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:33,390 Yeah, half for showing up, 1409 00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:37,300 half for doing the job. 1410 00:56:37,310 --> 00:56:39,390 But you didn't give us a chance to do the job. 1411 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,810 No, you couldn't do the job. 1412 00:56:41,820 --> 00:56:45,180 You know, the job was to... 1413 00:56:45,190 --> 00:56:49,360 you know, have sex with Charlene utilizing a... 1414 00:56:49,360 --> 00:56:52,200 let's call it proper porno penis. 1415 00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,860 And, Homer, I was real clear with you guys 1416 00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,240 when I went over the deal with... 1417 00:56:57,250 --> 00:56:59,660 You just assumed we had big dicks. 1418 00:56:59,670 --> 00:57:01,280 That's right. 1419 00:57:01,290 --> 00:57:02,660 Because we're black. 1420 00:57:02,670 --> 00:57:04,500 What do we know about penis? 1421 00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:07,420 That, coupled with the fact that you never told us 1422 00:57:07,420 --> 00:57:09,960 you had improper porno penises, 1423 00:57:09,970 --> 00:57:11,760 - when we told what we needed... - No, no, no. 1424 00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,500 What you wanted to do was to humiliate us. 1425 00:57:14,510 --> 00:57:17,510 We went to all that trouble to humiliate you? Spent all of that money? 1426 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:21,060 Homer, I'm in big trouble without that scene. 1427 00:57:21,060 --> 00:57:23,300 I have never in my life had any extra 1428 00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:25,060 to spend on humiliating people. 1429 00:57:25,070 --> 00:57:27,520 Are the white guys who do your movie getting humiliated? 1430 00:57:27,530 --> 00:57:29,360 What does that mean? 1431 00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:30,820 A funny penis is a funny penis, 1432 00:57:30,820 --> 00:57:33,160 regardless of race, creed, or religion. 1433 00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,120 Then why did it have to be black guys? 1434 00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:38,860 It was a "black guys with a white girl" scene. 1435 00:57:38,870 --> 00:57:41,710 Could I have another hunk of pie, please? 1436 00:57:41,710 --> 00:57:42,990 You know, this is my first porno. 1437 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,240 I'm not a pornographer, 1438 00:57:44,250 --> 00:57:45,910 I'm just a schnook looking to score. 1439 00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,000 I'm not a president of the film board who's decreed 1440 00:57:48,010 --> 00:57:50,290 that every porno's got to have some tiny little white girl 1441 00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,040 experiencing whopping black baloney. 1442 00:57:52,050 --> 00:57:54,840 But why do I have to make the omelet with eggs? 1443 00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,210 You know, what do we know? 1444 00:57:57,220 --> 00:57:59,060 We're trying to make a porno. 1445 00:57:59,060 --> 00:58:02,050 You're trying to turn this into a black thing. 1446 00:58:02,060 --> 00:58:03,180 Why are you doing that? 1447 00:58:03,190 --> 00:58:04,470 Well, isn't it? 1448 00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,190 Homer, I'm never... 1449 00:58:06,190 --> 00:58:11,230 I... I don't have time to be a racist. 1450 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,650 I don't do, okay? I try. 1451 00:58:14,660 --> 00:58:17,490 And I'm trying to make a porno, 1452 00:58:17,490 --> 00:58:20,110 because it's something I think I might be able to do, 1453 00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,660 because it's killing me I haven't done anything. 1454 00:58:22,670 --> 00:58:25,250 You know, people who do, they have extra time, 1455 00:58:25,250 --> 00:58:26,990 not us trying people. 1456 00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,790 We're busy trying all the time. 1457 00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:30,460 Nothing takes up more time than trying. 1458 00:58:30,470 --> 00:58:33,420 - We wanted to try. - Yeah, but you couldn't do! 1459 00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:36,210 Not without porno penis! 1460 00:58:36,220 --> 00:58:38,460 Do you think, if I could do anything, 1461 00:58:38,470 --> 00:58:41,220 I would pick, "make a porno"? 1462 00:58:41,230 --> 00:58:43,470 I can't afford the goddamn good ball! 1463 00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:44,810 Look, you hired three black men 1464 00:58:44,810 --> 00:58:47,560 to do a job that you had to have three black men for. 1465 00:58:47,570 --> 00:58:49,930 But you didn't pay them in full, 1466 00:58:49,940 --> 00:58:52,610 and you are sitting here saying to me that it isn't a black thing. 1467 00:58:52,610 --> 00:58:54,020 Black penis thing! 1468 00:58:54,030 --> 00:58:56,320 Black penis! Black penis! 1469 00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:58,030 Then why does it have to be three black men? 1470 00:58:58,030 --> 00:59:00,820 Because they are the ones with the black penises. 1471 00:59:00,830 --> 00:59:01,940 Fuck you. 1472 00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:03,660 Come on. 1473 00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:05,750 All right, I admit it. 1474 00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:08,410 We're prejudiced against small penises 1475 00:59:28,270 --> 00:59:30,480 [horn honking] 1476 00:59:31,940 --> 00:59:33,900 [cries] 1477 00:59:39,030 --> 00:59:41,490 I will not do it. 1478 00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:44,360 Give me a sec, would you? 1479 00:59:49,630 --> 00:59:51,240 Helen? 1480 00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:53,250 Oh, hey, how ya doin', Barney? 1481 00:59:53,260 --> 00:59:54,500 You're crying. 1482 00:59:54,510 --> 00:59:55,750 I am not. 1483 00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,550 Yes, you are. Why are you crying? 1484 00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,260 I am not crying. 1485 00:59:59,260 --> 01:00:01,050 Helen, not again. 1486 01:00:01,060 --> 01:00:03,720 God. Leave me alone, Barney. 1487 01:00:03,730 --> 01:00:08,390 Helen, every week you find some terrific new guy 1488 01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,930 to let crap all over you. 1489 01:00:10,940 --> 01:00:14,650 There's a lot of guys that need to take a crap, Helen. 1490 01:00:14,650 --> 01:00:18,190 Why don't you have a little more respect for yourself? 1491 01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,860 You might as well do our porno. 1492 01:00:20,870 --> 01:00:24,110 We're paying, and it beats the choices you've been making. 1493 01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,330 Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 1494 01:00:26,330 --> 01:00:29,620 What? No. 1495 01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:34,170 I may as well because I...I need the money. 1496 01:00:36,220 --> 01:00:38,130 Maybe I ought to. 1497 01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:52,600 [gasping] 1498 01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,360 Yes! 1499 01:01:00,530 --> 01:01:02,570 Emmett! 1500 01:01:03,580 --> 01:01:05,570 Emmett! 1501 01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:07,540 Get your camera! Let's go! 1502 01:01:07,540 --> 01:01:09,780 I said no. 1503 01:01:13,750 --> 01:01:15,670 [Some] Come on. Come on. Come on. 1504 01:01:18,590 --> 01:01:21,000 You know, I wish I had more for you to... 1505 01:01:21,010 --> 01:01:22,500 I don't care. 1506 01:01:22,510 --> 01:01:25,220 It's just that you're my kid, 1507 01:01:25,220 --> 01:01:27,510 so I care about all kinds of nutty stuff. 1508 01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:29,300 It's a pain in the ass. 1509 01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,270 [Narrating] So, I was with Billy, 1510 01:01:31,270 --> 01:01:33,310 and I found out later what Helen did. 1511 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:35,650 Ma, you need anything, holler. 1512 01:01:35,650 --> 01:01:37,480 This being spur of the moment and ail, 1513 01:01:37,490 --> 01:01:39,900 Some didn't want to give Hel a chance to change her mind, 1514 01:01:39,910 --> 01:01:41,770 so he made the executive decision 1515 01:01:41,780 --> 01:01:45,990 to have Hel do the "gal masturbating with toys" scene. 1516 01:02:00,430 --> 01:02:06,390 ♪ There's something that I want to say ♪ 1517 01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:10,600 ♪ But words sometimes get in the way ♪ 1518 01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:12,090 ♪ I just want to... ♪ 1519 01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:13,770 [Andy narrating] Eventually, we all realized 1520 01:02:13,770 --> 01:02:17,770 that this was going to have to be a work in progress. 1521 01:02:17,780 --> 01:02:20,770 What we had here was a film concept. 1522 01:02:20,780 --> 01:02:22,860 Here's what it is. 1523 01:02:22,860 --> 01:02:25,360 We're in a small town... 1524 01:02:25,370 --> 01:02:27,570 Let me get this right, now. 1525 01:02:27,580 --> 01:02:32,450 The film, it's seen through the eyes of our lead character, 1526 01:02:32,460 --> 01:02:34,700 but we never see our lead character, see? 1527 01:02:34,710 --> 01:02:37,170 This guy who lives in this small town, 1528 01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:42,040 he goes through his day and he bumps into a lot of sex. 1529 01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:44,340 [crying] 1530 01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:47,800 Here, the guy stops by to visit his friend, 1531 01:02:47,810 --> 01:02:49,970 played by Helen. 1532 01:02:49,980 --> 01:02:52,390 He peers through the window, 1533 01:02:52,390 --> 01:02:55,060 and catches her, uh, playing. 1534 01:03:00,990 --> 01:03:02,320 We didn't make this porno 1535 01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,360 to turn our friends into porn stars. 1536 01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:06,610 That was never the idea. I wasn't happy about this. 1537 01:03:06,620 --> 01:03:08,570 Some was under strict instructions 1538 01:03:08,580 --> 01:03:10,740 never to operate alone. 1539 01:03:10,750 --> 01:03:13,580 Uh, we needed that scene, though, 1540 01:03:13,580 --> 01:03:17,000 and, well, now we had it. 1541 01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,500 Our porno film had sex in it. 1542 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:25,840 For almost a day. 1543 01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:27,760 Then when Some told me about It, 1544 01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:29,130 the first thing I did, of course, 1545 01:03:29,140 --> 01:03:31,050 was to call Barney to see if he knew. 1546 01:03:31,060 --> 01:03:34,050 He told me he did and that he didn't care, 1547 01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:36,140 Helen's business is Helen's business. 1548 01:03:36,150 --> 01:03:37,310 [knocking] 1549 01:03:37,310 --> 01:03:38,680 Yeah. 1550 01:03:40,610 --> 01:03:41,720 Hey. 1551 01:03:41,740 --> 01:03:43,900 You all right? 1552 01:03:43,900 --> 01:03:48,110 Yeah. But, uh... 1553 01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:52,330 I gotta have the film of Helen, Andy. 1554 01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:53,940 I'm sorry, I really am. 1555 01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:57,240 I know we need it, but...I love her. 1556 01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,620 So, uh, whatever you paid her, 1557 01:04:00,630 --> 01:04:02,750 you can take it out of my end, 1558 01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,290 if there is a "my end". 1559 01:04:05,300 --> 01:04:07,130 And if I need to owe you, I'll owe you. 1560 01:04:21,860 --> 01:04:22,850 Barney. 1561 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:38,410 Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. 1562 01:04:40,210 --> 01:04:42,920 I was starting to doubt if we were any good filmmakers. 1563 01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,540 We'd spent over half our budget and had nothing to show for it. 1564 01:04:46,550 --> 01:04:49,130 But, still, I believed in us, 1565 01:04:49,140 --> 01:04:51,130 and I had this feeling that we could do this. 1566 01:04:51,140 --> 01:04:53,470 It was just time to get angry, try harder. 1567 01:04:53,470 --> 01:04:55,640 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 1568 01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:57,510 Had to drive this baby home. 1569 01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:01,180 Okay, we wanted to use not only Ellie from the bed store, 1570 01:05:01,190 --> 01:05:04,270 but the bed store itself in the porno. 1571 01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:06,480 We wanted Ellie to do a lesbo scene, 1572 01:05:06,490 --> 01:05:08,230 and we were hoping that she could supply 1573 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:09,900 a partner to do it with. 1574 01:05:09,910 --> 01:05:12,190 There was always V, but we were using her 1575 01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:13,490 for a number of other things. 1576 01:05:13,490 --> 01:05:15,230 Anyway, it was up to me, 1577 01:05:15,250 --> 01:05:17,240 and that's the only way I'd have it this time. 1578 01:05:17,250 --> 01:05:19,110 This time, i wanted to go in, 1579 01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:21,620 and there was only one way I was coming out: 1580 01:05:21,630 --> 01:05:22,740 victorious. 1581 01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,240 May I help you? 1582 01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,420 Oh, I'm Andy Sargentee. 1583 01:05:26,420 --> 01:05:28,330 We haven't met yet. 1584 01:05:28,340 --> 01:05:29,800 I'm the producer on the film 1585 01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:33,640 that my friend Otis spoke to you about. 1586 01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:36,510 Oh. [giggles] 1587 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,010 I, uh, I just wanted to, uh, 1588 01:05:39,020 --> 01:05:41,140 talk to you about it and... 1589 01:05:41,150 --> 01:05:44,560 [laughs] 1590 01:05:44,570 --> 01:05:46,680 It's really nice to meet you. I'm Ellie. 1591 01:05:46,690 --> 01:05:48,980 Wow. It's so great that you stopped by 1592 01:05:48,990 --> 01:05:50,730 'cause I was gonna call you. 1593 01:05:50,740 --> 01:05:52,900 I had an idea. 1594 01:05:52,910 --> 01:05:58,070 I was wondering if maybe I could do... 1595 01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,070 a...lesbian scene? 1596 01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:03,040 That would be my preference. 1597 01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:06,330 I think... I think... Yeah. 1598 01:06:06,340 --> 01:06:09,380 [laughs] 1599 01:06:09,380 --> 01:06:11,920 And, um, I had another thought. 1600 01:06:11,930 --> 01:06:14,760 This place would make such a great set 1601 01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:16,670 for a porno film... 1602 01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:18,260 with all the beds and all. 1603 01:06:18,270 --> 01:06:20,100 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1604 01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:22,430 To be honest, the only reason I work here is 'cause 1605 01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,480 I love sex so much. Duh. 1606 01:06:25,480 --> 01:06:27,720 Anyway, the only catch is, 1607 01:06:27,730 --> 01:06:29,070 if you're interested in using it, 1608 01:06:29,070 --> 01:06:32,150 I spoke to the owner, she's recently divorced, 1609 01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:35,270 and she won the store in her settlement, 1610 01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:36,570 and she's fine with you using it. 1611 01:06:36,580 --> 01:06:38,610 We could shoot it on Sunday. 1612 01:06:38,620 --> 01:06:40,740 The store is closed. 1613 01:06:40,750 --> 01:06:43,360 But...[giggles] 1614 01:06:43,370 --> 01:06:46,830 she...she would have to be 1615 01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:48,750 my partner in that scene. 1616 01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,000 [door opens] 1617 01:06:50,010 --> 01:06:51,540 Hmm. 1618 01:06:51,550 --> 01:06:54,630 Look, there she is now. 1619 01:06:54,640 --> 01:07:00,100 [whispers] Oh... 1620 01:07:00,100 --> 01:07:01,760 [Andy narrating] The highs and lows 1621 01:07:01,770 --> 01:07:03,730 come too close together in this business. 1622 01:07:03,730 --> 01:07:06,440 I'll bet the lows last longer. 1623 01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:09,680 Her name was Veronica. 1624 01:07:09,690 --> 01:07:11,310 And right now, all I cared about 1625 01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:14,060 was that fantastic , "nothing beats it" feeling 1626 01:07:14,070 --> 01:07:17,440 you get when something works out. 1627 01:07:20,330 --> 01:07:25,290 Otis, no guts, no glory. 1628 01:07:30,550 --> 01:07:33,130 We shot the scene on Sunday. 1629 01:07:33,130 --> 01:07:35,040 Our lead, who you never see, 1630 01:07:35,050 --> 01:07:36,590 goes to buy a new bed. 1631 01:07:36,590 --> 01:07:38,680 The sales gal is already busy with a customer 1632 01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:40,300 when he gets there. 1633 01:07:40,310 --> 01:07:44,180 Ellie plays the sales gal, Veronica the customer. 1634 01:07:44,190 --> 01:07:47,600 Our new favorite thing, all of ours, lesbians. 1635 01:07:47,610 --> 01:07:49,560 We love lesbians. 1636 01:07:49,570 --> 01:07:51,150 We're having the buttons and t-shirts 1637 01:07:51,150 --> 01:07:52,270 made up right now. 1638 01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,520 Ellie and Veronica were great. 1639 01:07:54,530 --> 01:07:56,440 You could've turned on the camera and gone to lunch. 1640 01:07:56,450 --> 01:07:59,320 They knew how to make and keep a scene interesting. 1641 01:07:59,330 --> 01:08:01,240 I don't know, they're naturals or something. 1642 01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:03,610 I mean, they'd just do something... 1643 01:08:03,620 --> 01:08:05,110 I don't know how they came up with it, 1644 01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:06,660 it's anybody's guess. 1645 01:08:06,670 --> 01:08:08,700 You know, Some would go, "Yeah, more of that." 1646 01:08:08,710 --> 01:08:09,950 And...[laughs] 1647 01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:11,950 boy, did we get more of that. 1648 01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:14,750 We love lesbians. 1649 01:08:18,470 --> 01:08:21,050 We were in trouble again. Highs and lows, remember? 1650 01:08:21,060 --> 01:08:22,470 Ridiculously close together? 1651 01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:24,840 It was time for a scene with V, 1652 01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:27,340 and we had no guys. 1653 01:08:27,350 --> 01:08:31,560 This sucks. God damn it. This shouldn't be hard! 1654 01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:35,640 Hey, who wants to get laid? 1655 01:08:35,650 --> 01:08:38,110 Something's not right with the world. 1656 01:08:38,110 --> 01:08:40,230 Boy, the stars are out of place. 1657 01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,070 You know, that's why the weather's so weird. 1658 01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:43,940 You know, when I think of all the gals 1659 01:08:43,950 --> 01:08:45,660 who'd happily do this for me, you know, 1660 01:08:45,660 --> 01:08:47,750 'cause they feel like they owe me, 1661 01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:49,540 if you catch my drift. 1662 01:08:49,540 --> 01:08:52,330 And in a freaky fluke, they're all away in China 1663 01:08:52,340 --> 01:08:56,080 or Africa, you know, places without phones. 1664 01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:57,800 Ask for guys. Wow. 1665 01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,010 Moose, this is serious. 1666 01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:00,220 We don't have time for your stuff. 1667 01:09:00,220 --> 01:09:01,430 Okay? Just shut up. You're a homo. 1668 01:09:01,430 --> 01:09:04,300 So don't with that crap, not now. 1669 01:09:04,310 --> 01:09:07,520 A homo? 1670 01:09:10,690 --> 01:09:12,270 A homo? 1671 01:09:12,270 --> 01:09:15,140 What are you, nuts? 1672 01:09:15,150 --> 01:09:16,640 Me, a homo? 1673 01:09:16,650 --> 01:09:18,110 He's kidding, Moose. 1674 01:09:18,110 --> 01:09:20,150 Well, that's a laugh. 1675 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:22,070 You know, boy is that a laugh. 1676 01:09:22,080 --> 01:09:24,030 Yeah, it sure is. Good one, Otis. 1677 01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:26,200 Stop! Stop! We don't have time for this! 1678 01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:30,070 We got to keep our eye on the ball and drive this home, God damn it. 1679 01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,120 You're a homo. Period. The end. There. 1680 01:09:32,130 --> 01:09:33,710 Now we don't have to do that anymore. 1681 01:09:33,710 --> 01:09:36,370 - Otis, don't. - Look, that's okay. 1682 01:09:36,380 --> 01:09:37,750 You're upset, Otis. I understand that. 1683 01:09:37,760 --> 01:09:41,500 Look, I'll, uh, I'll call some... some, uh, ladies I know, you know. 1684 01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:42,840 Some other ones, you know, 1685 01:09:42,850 --> 01:09:47,560 the ones that are not away or... or sick. 1686 01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,430 Thanks. That would be great. 1687 01:09:55,070 --> 01:09:56,520 Doesn't change the fact that you're a homo. 1688 01:09:56,530 --> 01:09:58,060 I am not gay! 1689 01:09:58,070 --> 01:10:00,530 Then you're a spy deep undercover. Only other possibility. 1690 01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:03,190 - Look, I am straight! - I'm rich and bright. 1691 01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:04,280 Moose, if you don't know you're gay, 1692 01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,900 allow me to introduce you to yourself. 1693 01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:07,570 Moose, this is you: ass master. 1694 01:10:07,580 --> 01:10:10,320 Anything else about yourself you're oblivious to that I can help you with? 1695 01:10:10,330 --> 01:10:11,910 Your hair is brown. You wear glasses. 1696 01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:13,410 Why would you think that? 1697 01:10:13,420 --> 01:10:17,830 Do... Do you know how many women I've had? 1698 01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,170 If I had money, all of it would be on none. 1699 01:10:20,170 --> 01:10:22,260 Moose, Moose, Moose, look. 1700 01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:23,840 Beer bottle. 1701 01:10:25,180 --> 01:10:26,840 Red apple. 1702 01:10:26,850 --> 01:10:28,260 Guzzler. 1703 01:10:31,890 --> 01:10:35,310 Andy, I'll do the scene with V. 1704 01:10:35,310 --> 01:10:37,060 - No! - Moose. 1705 01:10:37,070 --> 01:10:40,020 I insist. Look, we need an actor for tomorrow's scene. 1706 01:10:40,030 --> 01:10:41,860 It's nothing I haven't done before. 1707 01:10:41,860 --> 01:10:44,400 For the good of the film, I will save the day. 1708 01:10:44,410 --> 01:10:46,820 I won't take no for an answer, Andy. 1709 01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:48,160 Oh, Otis. 1710 01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:51,240 - Wait... - Moose. 1711 01:10:51,250 --> 01:10:53,450 [Andy narrating] We came up for this character for V. 1712 01:10:53,460 --> 01:10:57,000 Uh, she plays this lovable, bit older member of the community 1713 01:10:57,000 --> 01:10:58,740 who's like everybody's favorite aunt: 1714 01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:00,620 you know, always feeding you and stuff. 1715 01:11:00,630 --> 01:11:03,460 Uh, only that's just a facade. 1716 01:11:03,470 --> 01:11:06,800 She's really a hot and sexy sexpot, 1717 01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:09,920 and, uh, we call her Aunt V. 1718 01:11:09,930 --> 01:11:11,170 We're rolling. 1719 01:11:11,180 --> 01:11:13,270 Okay, and action. 1720 01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:34,120 I...did say action, right? 1721 01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:35,330 Yes. 1722 01:11:35,330 --> 01:11:37,570 Okay, good. Just making sure. 1723 01:11:38,790 --> 01:11:40,330 V, how are we doing? 1724 01:11:42,420 --> 01:11:44,630 Nothing's happening. 1725 01:11:44,630 --> 01:11:47,220 Do you want me to do something? 1726 01:11:47,220 --> 01:11:49,880 Do you want some help, honey? 1727 01:11:49,890 --> 01:11:51,300 No. No. 1728 01:11:51,310 --> 01:11:53,090 Just give me a moment. 1729 01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:54,970 Sure, Moose, sure. 1730 01:11:54,980 --> 01:11:57,090 Look, the cameras are rolling whenever you're ready. 1731 01:11:57,100 --> 01:12:01,390 Uh, there's an acting technique called substitution. 1732 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,860 Just mentioning. 1733 01:12:05,570 --> 01:12:07,400 [whispering] Emmett. 1734 01:12:08,700 --> 01:12:12,410 You're the cameraman, so you have to take a look. 1735 01:12:12,410 --> 01:12:14,320 Moose, V, 1736 01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:15,990 Emmett's the cameraman. 1737 01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,740 He's just going to take a quick look, okay? 1738 01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:21,540 Come on. Gee... 1739 01:12:29,100 --> 01:12:33,590 He's... He's not just making slow, passionate, quiet love, by any chance? 1740 01:12:33,600 --> 01:12:35,180 Oh, no. No. 1741 01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:42,560 This definitely isn't a action porno. 1742 01:12:42,570 --> 01:12:45,310 Let's just leave him alone in there for a few minutes. 1743 01:12:45,320 --> 01:12:47,190 That's probably what Liberace's dad said: 1744 01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:50,560 "Leave him alone with a naked porno babe for a few minutes." 1745 01:12:52,030 --> 01:12:53,400 Guys. 1746 01:12:57,370 --> 01:12:59,790 I have something I have to tell you. 1747 01:13:03,840 --> 01:13:06,380 I'm gay. 1748 01:13:06,380 --> 01:13:10,470 Oh, we don't care at all, you know, Moose? 1749 01:13:10,470 --> 01:13:12,180 Yeah, Moose, whatever you like. 1750 01:13:12,180 --> 01:13:13,760 I was the one who told you. 1751 01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:15,380 The hell with gay. You're terribly forgetful. 1752 01:13:15,390 --> 01:13:17,600 But it makes me different from the rest of you. 1753 01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:19,760 You know, you're all heterosexuals. 1754 01:13:19,770 --> 01:13:21,100 Yeah, but... 1755 01:13:21,110 --> 01:13:22,390 horrible ones. 1756 01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:23,930 Yeah. We're not any good at it. 1757 01:13:23,940 --> 01:13:27,400 I'm glad you're gay. If by some miracle I get a gal, 1758 01:13:27,400 --> 01:13:30,490 you're one guy I won't have to worry about stealing her. 1759 01:13:30,490 --> 01:13:32,780 Will we still watch games together? 1760 01:13:32,780 --> 01:13:34,700 Now we'll get to watch games together. 1761 01:13:34,700 --> 01:13:37,910 You won't be saying cliche male shit all the time. 1762 01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:43,830 - It's gonna be great. - But now I'm the gay guy. 1763 01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,670 You were always the gay guy, Moose, 1764 01:13:45,670 --> 01:13:48,580 just like I'm the good-looking guy, huh? 1765 01:13:48,590 --> 01:13:52,510 Look, none of us are prizes. Gay doesn't even rank. 1766 01:13:52,510 --> 01:13:54,840 Yeah, gay's a good day for us. 1767 01:13:54,850 --> 01:13:56,930 So I'm still part of the gang? 1768 01:13:56,930 --> 01:13:59,140 Part of the gang? 1769 01:13:59,140 --> 01:14:01,230 Moose, you're our friend. We... 1770 01:14:02,440 --> 01:14:05,060 We cherish you, buddy. 1771 01:14:06,280 --> 01:14:07,480 Moose. 1772 01:14:07,490 --> 01:14:08,520 So... 1773 01:14:11,820 --> 01:14:14,780 Of course we're not very discriminating. 1774 01:14:14,780 --> 01:14:16,820 Idiots, screw-ups, homos. 1775 01:14:16,830 --> 01:14:17,940 [Moose laughs] 1776 01:14:17,950 --> 01:14:20,570 We'll be friends with anybody. 1777 01:14:20,580 --> 01:14:21,910 God. 1778 01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,620 [Andy narrating] However, we had no guys for our porno. 1779 01:14:24,630 --> 01:14:27,670 We were sex-deficient and fresh out of ideas. 1780 01:14:27,670 --> 01:14:30,130 - Guys. - Guys. 1781 01:14:30,130 --> 01:14:31,920 We know you're in a jam. 1782 01:14:31,930 --> 01:14:33,540 Ron and me, we want to help. 1783 01:14:33,550 --> 01:14:36,510 Yeah, Moe and me want to help. We'll do the scene for you. 1784 01:14:36,510 --> 01:14:38,350 [both] We've double-teamed lots of gals. 1785 01:14:38,350 --> 01:14:39,560 Double-teamed? 1786 01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:43,020 Moe-Ron, you double-team lots of gals, do you? 1787 01:14:43,020 --> 01:14:45,390 Yeah. We like to all the time, actually. 1788 01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,730 Yeah, we'll do the Aunt V scene. No problem. 1789 01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:53,070 Would you boys like some pie? 1790 01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:12,420 Ha ha ha! 1791 01:15:12,430 --> 01:15:13,960 Ha ha ha! 1792 01:15:13,970 --> 01:15:15,880 [glass breaks] 1793 01:15:15,890 --> 01:15:18,130 Ha ha! I love it, I love it! 1794 01:15:18,140 --> 01:15:19,850 [Moe] Put them in place! 1795 01:15:19,850 --> 01:15:21,810 - [V laughs] - Oh! 1796 01:15:21,810 --> 01:15:23,100 [V] Come back here. 1797 01:15:23,100 --> 01:15:24,510 [excited chattering] 1798 01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:35,270 [Moe] I say Moe, you say Ron. 1799 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:36,650 [V] Moe! Ron! 1800 01:15:36,660 --> 01:15:37,770 - Moe! - [V] Ron! 1801 01:15:37,780 --> 01:15:39,400 - Moe! - Ron! 1802 01:15:39,410 --> 01:15:41,900 [V screams] 1803 01:15:41,910 --> 01:15:43,320 It's a wrap! 1804 01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:45,450 [cheering] 1805 01:15:52,880 --> 01:15:55,590 We got it all. It was amazing. 1806 01:15:55,590 --> 01:15:57,430 Where did you get those weenies? 1807 01:15:57,430 --> 01:16:00,010 Our film has a great lesbo scene. 1808 01:16:00,010 --> 01:16:03,510 We do not have a "white girl with black guys" scene. 1809 01:16:03,520 --> 01:16:06,350 We gave up our "gal going to town with toys" scene. 1810 01:16:06,350 --> 01:16:09,020 Uh, but, thanks to good old Moe-Ron, 1811 01:16:09,020 --> 01:16:10,260 we got our gal 1812 01:16:10,270 --> 01:16:11,510 piccolo-playing two guys, 1813 01:16:11,530 --> 01:16:14,110 and we got our, uh, anal. 1814 01:16:14,110 --> 01:16:16,770 That's what Aunt V calls it. Nice lady. 1815 01:16:16,780 --> 01:16:20,650 So what have we got? We got a porno. 1816 01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:22,200 We were out of money. 1817 01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:24,660 If we needed more, we weren't going to get it, 1818 01:16:24,660 --> 01:16:25,900 so we began editing. 1819 01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:27,200 There you go. 1820 01:16:27,210 --> 01:16:29,540 We even had the premiere planned. 1821 01:16:29,540 --> 01:16:30,780 Yeah. 1822 01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,040 Hi, Andy. 1823 01:16:34,050 --> 01:16:35,250 Oh, hey, Hel. 1824 01:16:35,260 --> 01:16:37,370 Emmett, Some Idiot. 1825 01:16:37,380 --> 01:16:38,750 Some's asleep. 1826 01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:41,470 Oh. Well, what do I know? I'm just a porn actress. 1827 01:16:41,470 --> 01:16:43,340 Urn, I saw the light on. 1828 01:16:43,350 --> 01:16:45,640 Yeah, yeah, sure. 1829 01:16:45,640 --> 01:16:48,430 Uh, I got the, uh... 1830 01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:51,770 invitation to the, uh, premiere. 1831 01:16:51,770 --> 01:16:52,890 Thanks. 1832 01:16:52,900 --> 01:16:57,190 But, uh, look, I hope you get from this thing what you want, 1833 01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:58,530 and for everybody, 1834 01:16:58,530 --> 01:16:59,940 but I, uh, I... 1835 01:16:59,950 --> 01:17:01,360 You're not in the film. 1836 01:17:01,370 --> 01:17:03,450 You know, me and Emmett and Some did... 1837 01:17:03,450 --> 01:17:06,240 Yeah, I know, and Barney, he came and got it... 1838 01:17:06,250 --> 01:17:08,450 you know, the footage. 1839 01:17:08,460 --> 01:17:10,490 What do you mean? 1840 01:17:10,500 --> 01:17:12,830 Well, Barney, uh... 1841 01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:16,000 he wouldn't let you be in the porno, Hel. 1842 01:17:16,010 --> 01:17:19,720 You know, we gave him the, uh, the print. All of it. 1843 01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:21,180 There are no other copies, 1844 01:17:21,180 --> 01:17:23,640 and, yeah, Some and Emmett were there, 1845 01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:26,220 but otherwise no one's seen it. 1846 01:17:26,230 --> 01:17:28,560 Oh. Right. Right. 1847 01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:30,680 You're telling me Barney's not having a look at it? 1848 01:17:30,690 --> 01:17:31,930 He burned it. 1849 01:17:31,940 --> 01:17:33,730 As soon as we gave it to him, 1850 01:17:33,730 --> 01:17:36,270 he... he put it in the fireplace. 1851 01:17:36,280 --> 01:17:38,810 Hel, I know Barney ain't no poet, 1852 01:17:38,820 --> 01:17:42,530 but...you can't possibly not know. 1853 01:17:42,530 --> 01:17:45,620 I mean, uh, you know, if the guy drank poison, 1854 01:17:45,620 --> 01:17:46,950 it couldn't be more obvious. 1855 01:17:46,950 --> 01:17:49,450 He's in love with you. 1856 01:17:49,460 --> 01:17:52,490 Come on, he's sick in love with you, 1857 01:17:52,500 --> 01:17:55,790 from the first day he saw you right up to now. 1858 01:18:05,060 --> 01:18:07,260 ♪♪ [pop] 1859 01:18:08,980 --> 01:18:12,810 Oh! Aunt V, look at you! 1860 01:18:12,810 --> 01:18:15,430 We had a really good turnout. 1861 01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:18,430 Uh, Barney had to miss the premiere. 1862 01:18:18,440 --> 01:18:20,440 I'll tell you why later... 1863 01:18:20,450 --> 01:18:21,780 or show you. 1864 01:18:21,780 --> 01:18:24,900 The stars. So, look at you girls. 1865 01:18:24,910 --> 01:18:27,650 Lovely. Hope you enjoy your scene. 1866 01:18:27,660 --> 01:18:30,030 - Hey. - Ah. 1867 01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:32,500 Thanks, Andy. Thanks. 1868 01:18:32,500 --> 01:18:35,080 Oh, my pleasure. I didn't know if you wanted to come. 1869 01:18:35,090 --> 01:18:38,040 I was going to, uh, call you... 1870 01:18:38,050 --> 01:18:40,000 No, no, no. I don't mean for the invitation. 1871 01:18:40,010 --> 01:18:41,840 I mean, um, that day... 1872 01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:45,800 the day that you came to the ball field for your aspirin, 1873 01:18:45,800 --> 01:18:49,670 you were going to ask me to be in your film, weren't you? 1874 01:18:49,680 --> 01:18:52,600 Yeah, I think I was. Yeah. 1875 01:18:52,600 --> 01:18:55,810 Well, you're a nice man, Andy. 1876 01:19:04,280 --> 01:19:05,900 [cheering] 1877 01:19:10,830 --> 01:19:12,910 Thank you. Thank you. 1878 01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:15,910 Thank you very, very much for coming. 1879 01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,080 Uh, I don't know what to say. Uh... 1880 01:19:19,090 --> 01:19:21,300 Well, we really couldn't have done it without you. 1881 01:19:21,300 --> 01:19:22,880 We couldn't have done it without you! 1882 01:19:22,880 --> 01:19:23,920 That's right, Andy! 1883 01:19:25,890 --> 01:19:29,220 Uh, I'm a man of few words, 1884 01:19:29,220 --> 01:19:32,310 and it's not me you're here to see a lot of, 1885 01:19:32,310 --> 01:19:34,680 so roll 'em! 1886 01:19:37,190 --> 01:19:39,900 [Narrating] Remember Ernest G. Pike, 1887 01:19:39,900 --> 01:19:40,980 Charlene's brother? 1888 01:19:42,860 --> 01:19:44,650 As promised. 1889 01:19:49,540 --> 01:19:51,320 The film came out okay. 1890 01:19:51,330 --> 01:19:54,740 These are friends, but everybody, you know, seemed to enjoy it. 1891 01:19:59,420 --> 01:20:01,380 What's Ern's first stop? 1892 01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:03,710 Floyd's, which is reasonable. 1893 01:20:03,720 --> 01:20:07,130 It's the closest bar. It's where he'd find people he knew. 1894 01:20:07,140 --> 01:20:10,130 Even his sister might be found here. 1895 01:20:10,140 --> 01:20:12,300 Speaking of Ern's sister, 1896 01:20:12,310 --> 01:20:14,890 it turns out we were able to use some of Charlene's stuff 1897 01:20:14,890 --> 01:20:16,480 as sort of the tease 1898 01:20:16,480 --> 01:20:18,940 Hey, the hat was my idea! 1899 01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:21,400 We used her getting the guys all interested. 1900 01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:24,140 You know, they're, uh, just about to have sex, 1901 01:20:24,150 --> 01:20:26,060 and then we cut away, you know, 1902 01:20:26,070 --> 01:20:28,030 don't give you the sex, 1903 01:20:28,030 --> 01:20:29,990 drive you a little crazy, you see, 1904 01:20:29,990 --> 01:20:32,280 and then, uh, and then in other scenes, 1905 01:20:32,290 --> 01:20:34,400 you get it all, uh, you know, 1906 01:20:34,410 --> 01:20:37,280 but you're never sure you're going to get it, see? 1907 01:20:37,290 --> 01:20:40,530 Uh, tension, you know, worked pretty good. 1908 01:20:40,540 --> 01:20:45,540 As you see, peering plays a very big role in all my films. 1909 01:20:45,550 --> 01:20:46,840 Shit! 1910 01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:48,080 [door opens] 1911 01:20:48,090 --> 01:20:50,880 I can't remember if Ernest has always had impeccable timing. 1912 01:20:50,890 --> 01:20:52,000 Where the hell... 1913 01:20:52,010 --> 01:20:54,350 He did indeed find his sister here. 1914 01:20:54,350 --> 01:20:58,260 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! 1915 01:21:10,370 --> 01:21:12,730 Ernest! Ern, it's me... Moose. 1916 01:21:13,910 --> 01:21:15,990 Ern! Wait, don't take it out on me! 1917 01:21:17,000 --> 01:21:19,200 Listen, Ern... Uhh! 1918 01:21:19,210 --> 01:21:20,620 Stop! 1919 01:21:20,630 --> 01:21:22,410 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1920 01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:35,380 - [gunshot] - Aah! 1921 01:21:35,390 --> 01:21:38,800 [Crowd screaming] 1922 01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:02,870 [gasp] 1923 01:22:08,760 --> 01:22:12,720 The police came and apprehended Ernest. 1924 01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:17,590 We had shot our porno on reversal stock, no negative, 1925 01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:20,640 so there was only one copy... you know, print. 1926 01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:23,810 It was destroyed, every frame. 1927 01:22:25,900 --> 01:22:28,520 Some Idiot lost his arm. 1928 01:22:28,530 --> 01:22:31,610 Some, Some, Some, Some, Some, 1929 01:22:31,610 --> 01:22:34,820 You are some idiot, Some Idiot. 1930 01:22:34,830 --> 01:22:36,660 I'm so sorry, Some. 1931 01:22:36,660 --> 01:22:39,200 Nobody was supposed to get hurt. 1932 01:22:39,200 --> 01:22:40,990 Your arm. 1933 01:22:42,080 --> 01:22:43,540 Your arm. 1934 01:22:45,540 --> 01:22:48,790 I wanted you to get something, not lose anything. 1935 01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:49,880 It's... 1936 01:22:49,880 --> 01:22:50,960 I'm sorry. 1937 01:22:50,970 --> 01:22:52,380 Andy, it's okay. 1938 01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:57,260 How are you feeling, huh? 1939 01:22:57,260 --> 01:22:59,100 It was fun. 1940 01:23:00,600 --> 01:23:04,520 Thanks for letting me be the writer/director. 1941 01:23:04,520 --> 01:23:06,230 Nobody else would have. 1942 01:23:06,230 --> 01:23:08,350 You did a really good job. 1943 01:23:08,360 --> 01:23:09,770 I did, right? 1944 01:23:09,780 --> 01:23:12,610 You were great. You're a writer/director now. 1945 01:23:12,610 --> 01:23:14,730 First class, huh? 1946 01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:17,860 And you can't become a first class writer/director 1947 01:23:17,870 --> 01:23:19,610 without a little sacrifice. 1948 01:23:21,250 --> 01:23:24,240 Hey, it's not the one, uh, that you... 1949 01:23:24,250 --> 01:23:26,710 No. I still got that one. 1950 01:23:26,710 --> 01:23:28,920 - Well, thank God. Whew. - Oh, yeah. 1951 01:23:30,170 --> 01:23:31,330 Okay, then. 1952 01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:36,260 Once I took a road trip. 1953 01:23:36,260 --> 01:23:40,130 Uh, my destination was Vermont. Well, I ended up in Florida... 1954 01:23:40,140 --> 01:23:45,060 a couple of wrong or right turns, depending how you look at it. 1955 01:23:45,060 --> 01:23:47,970 Whoa. Whoa. 1956 01:23:52,610 --> 01:23:54,020 Here's where you get. 1957 01:23:54,030 --> 01:23:56,820 You failed enough. Time not to fail. 1958 01:23:56,820 --> 01:23:59,110 I'm talking about something so much more 1959 01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:01,400 than determination or positive thinking here. 1960 01:24:01,410 --> 01:24:04,070 Failure really just won't do, 1961 01:24:04,080 --> 01:24:06,070 so you see to it that you don't. 1962 01:24:06,080 --> 01:24:07,490 It's possible, swear, 1963 01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:10,960 but you've got to get there, and it's a miserable trip, 1964 01:24:10,960 --> 01:24:13,120 but no matter how it's supposed to go, 1965 01:24:13,130 --> 01:24:16,880 what the rules were yesterday, what everyone thinks... thinks they know, 1966 01:24:16,890 --> 01:24:18,380 you know, none of that matters. 1967 01:24:18,390 --> 01:24:21,500 You have a job to do. Today you do it. 1968 01:24:30,020 --> 01:24:31,860 Andy. 1969 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:39,530 You... You were always filming 1970 01:24:39,530 --> 01:24:42,240 with th... those... those little... those little tapes 1971 01:24:42,240 --> 01:24:44,200 that you gave to Barney, right? 1972 01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:46,070 That he burned up with the footage of Helen. 1973 01:24:46,080 --> 01:24:48,160 Yeah, the... the Mini DV tapes. 1974 01:24:48,170 --> 01:24:49,620 Yeah, I get them for, like, 50 cents apiece, 1975 01:24:49,630 --> 01:24:51,910 so I just shot video nonstop. 1976 01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:53,790 I was going to give you the tapes when we... 1977 01:24:53,800 --> 01:24:55,410 So you have all that stuff? 1978 01:24:55,420 --> 01:24:58,920 Yeah, all the way back to when you hit everybody up for money. 1979 01:24:58,930 --> 01:25:02,920 You... You were always filming. You have everything, then. 1980 01:25:02,930 --> 01:25:04,670 Yeah. On video, yeah. 1981 01:25:04,680 --> 01:25:08,050 I have all the tapes and everything from the set. 1982 01:25:08,060 --> 01:25:11,270 So... So we can put together a new film. 1983 01:25:11,270 --> 01:25:12,850 On video, yeah. 1984 01:25:12,860 --> 01:25:15,690 And we could edit it on my Mac, but it'd just be another... 1985 01:25:15,690 --> 01:25:16,850 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1986 01:25:16,860 --> 01:25:18,570 Didn't you tell me one time something 1987 01:25:18,570 --> 01:25:22,320 about being able to, you know, turn videos into film or something? 1988 01:25:22,330 --> 01:25:23,820 A transfer, yeah, yeah. 1989 01:25:23,830 --> 01:25:26,110 But, I mean, that would cost, like, 50 grand 1990 01:25:26,120 --> 01:25:28,410 to bump all this up to 35 mm. 1991 01:25:28,420 --> 01:25:29,580 16 might be less. 1992 01:25:29,580 --> 01:25:31,040 All right, all right, all right. 1993 01:25:31,040 --> 01:25:34,460 Regular movies are 35. It costs 50 grand. 1994 01:25:34,460 --> 01:25:37,130 Are you with me for one last thing? 1995 01:25:37,130 --> 01:25:39,250 Yes. 1996 01:25:39,260 --> 01:25:42,380 Start editing. Hmm? 1997 01:25:42,390 --> 01:25:44,170 Any sex, take it out. 1998 01:25:44,180 --> 01:25:46,260 Any nudity, take it out. 1999 01:25:46,270 --> 01:25:47,930 You can leave in the butts, 2000 01:25:47,930 --> 01:25:50,770 but I don't want to see a hint of nipple. 2001 01:25:50,770 --> 01:25:51,980 - Do you understand me? - Yeah. 2002 01:25:53,770 --> 01:25:57,440 I asked Howard for the 50 grand, and he gave it to me. 2003 01:25:57,440 --> 01:25:58,650 Good guy. 2004 01:25:58,650 --> 01:26:00,940 [Beach Boys] ♪ Round, round, get around ♪ 2005 01:26:00,950 --> 01:26:03,360 ♪ I get around, yeah, get around ♪ 2006 01:26:03,370 --> 01:26:04,530 [Narrating] And at that moment, 2007 01:26:04,530 --> 01:26:06,070 I took the word "porno" away 2008 01:26:06,080 --> 01:26:07,240 from the front of our film 2009 01:26:07,250 --> 01:26:09,910 and was left with just a film, 2010 01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:14,750 a movie with all the stuff... love, friendship, violence, real life. 2011 01:26:17,170 --> 01:26:19,210 Real life. Hey, it beats porno. 2012 01:26:19,220 --> 01:26:21,960 There'd be no contest if real life had more sex in it. 2013 01:26:24,140 --> 01:26:26,970 Anyway, Emmett and I, we edited our new movie 2014 01:26:26,970 --> 01:26:28,890 in his apartment in the back of the video store, 2015 01:26:28,890 --> 01:26:30,970 put in all kinds of new stuff. 2016 01:26:30,980 --> 01:26:34,810 He'd been taping the town and all of us for a long time. 2017 01:26:34,820 --> 01:26:37,730 So then we had it transferred to 35 mm, 2018 01:26:37,730 --> 01:26:42,320 put in just the right amount of, uh, what's called, uh, voiceover... 2019 01:26:42,320 --> 01:26:43,810 you know, me talking. 2020 01:26:43,820 --> 01:26:46,780 You know, I bet you anything you look through history, 2021 01:26:46,790 --> 01:26:50,530 the best stuff didn't come from guys knowing what they were doing. 2022 01:26:50,540 --> 01:26:53,120 It came from guys who really tried hard 2023 01:26:53,130 --> 01:26:55,240 and cared like hell. 2024 01:26:55,250 --> 01:26:57,120 ♪ Ooh ♪ 2025 01:26:57,130 --> 01:27:00,120 ♪ Wa-wa-ooh ♪ 2026 01:27:00,130 --> 01:27:01,290 ♪ Wa-wa-ooh ♪ 2027 01:27:01,300 --> 01:27:05,010 So then we had a movie with a great title... 2028 01:27:05,010 --> 01:27:07,420 and more than one print. 2029 01:27:09,310 --> 01:27:12,800 Okay, and we jump ahead now six months or so. 2030 01:27:12,810 --> 01:27:15,600 Here I am walking down the street. 2031 01:27:15,610 --> 01:27:19,720 So then Emmett knew about these, uh, film carnivals. 2032 01:27:19,730 --> 01:27:22,350 They're kind of like, you know, movie Mardi Gras, 2033 01:27:22,360 --> 01:27:25,900 uh, only not quite as many women will show you their babaloos. 2034 01:27:25,910 --> 01:27:27,020 [doorbell buzzes] 2035 01:27:27,030 --> 01:27:29,280 Anyway, our movie won one. 2036 01:27:33,080 --> 01:27:34,790 Ha ha ha ha! 2037 01:27:37,130 --> 01:27:38,960 They tell me a big one. 2038 01:27:40,010 --> 01:27:42,000 [applause] 2039 01:27:42,010 --> 01:27:46,420 We made this movie with the help of friends. 2040 01:27:46,430 --> 01:27:49,050 It's, uh, it's really all it took... 2041 01:27:49,060 --> 01:27:51,590 uh... 2042 01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:52,680 and an arm. 2043 01:27:52,680 --> 01:27:54,220 [audience laughs] 2044 01:27:54,230 --> 01:27:58,350 Uh, we learned two things, and I mean learned: 2045 01:27:58,360 --> 01:28:01,690 nothing ventured, nothing gained, 2046 01:28:01,690 --> 01:28:04,400 and no guts, no glory. 2047 01:28:04,400 --> 01:28:07,150 Uh, you know, I mean, don't be an idiot about it, 2048 01:28:07,160 --> 01:28:08,360 but, uh, yeah. 2049 01:28:08,370 --> 01:28:10,280 Happy to pass that on to you. 2050 01:28:10,290 --> 01:28:11,990 [applause, cheering] 2051 01:28:13,710 --> 01:28:15,660 One of the reasons people go to these carnivals 2052 01:28:15,670 --> 01:28:17,500 is to buy movies. 2053 01:28:17,500 --> 01:28:20,870 Our movie got bought for $2.4 million. 2054 01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:24,290 I'm told that's a very good price. 2055 01:28:24,300 --> 01:28:25,660 Who the hell are you, Santa Claus? 2056 01:28:25,680 --> 01:28:28,630 What, all fat white guys are Santa Claus? 2057 01:28:28,640 --> 01:28:30,500 Thanks. 2058 01:28:31,810 --> 01:28:34,090 ♪ For purple mountains' majesty ♪ 2059 01:28:34,100 --> 01:28:37,260 When we got back from the film carnival with the 2.4 mil, 2060 01:28:37,270 --> 01:28:38,680 yeah, there was a party. 2061 01:28:38,690 --> 01:28:40,050 Everybody was really happy. 2062 01:28:40,070 --> 01:28:42,020 ♪ America, America ♪ 2063 01:28:42,030 --> 01:28:43,610 The movie opened this weekend 2064 01:28:43,610 --> 01:28:45,690 in what they call a limited release, 2065 01:28:45,700 --> 01:28:48,230 but this guy from the studio said 2066 01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:52,200 it had a very high, uh, per-screen average or something. 2067 01:28:52,200 --> 01:28:56,240 The genius part is... heh... we still have a piece... 2068 01:28:56,250 --> 01:28:59,370 a piece at the back end, a big piece. 2069 01:29:01,290 --> 01:29:02,660 I did good. 2070 01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:03,750 [horn honks] 2071 01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:05,370 Thanks for the car, man! 2072 01:29:05,380 --> 01:29:06,750 [honking] 2073 01:29:06,760 --> 01:29:07,870 Thank you! 2074 01:29:10,180 --> 01:29:11,590 Oh. Here, [chuckles] 2075 01:29:11,600 --> 01:29:13,300 This you've really got to see. 2076 01:29:13,310 --> 01:29:15,550 Otis stuck with porno. 2077 01:29:15,560 --> 01:29:18,270 He's also the most obviously happy person 2078 01:29:18,270 --> 01:29:20,140 you've ever met in your life. 2079 01:29:20,150 --> 01:29:21,350 [Ron] Andy! 2080 01:29:21,360 --> 01:29:22,640 [shouting indistinctly] 2081 01:29:23,780 --> 01:29:27,140 When I found out Emmett had been living right on Main Street all that time 2082 01:29:27,150 --> 01:29:30,360 without any of us knowing him, it really broke my heart. 2083 01:29:30,370 --> 01:29:34,400 It was time he take his proper place in the community. 2084 01:29:34,410 --> 01:29:37,870 Oh, yeah. I, uh, promised to tell or show you 2085 01:29:37,870 --> 01:29:40,030 why Barney wasn't at the premiere. 2086 01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:43,630 He and Helen were out of town. They eloped. Nice, huh? 2087 01:29:43,630 --> 01:29:45,590 Yeah, I wanted to save it for the end, 2088 01:29:45,590 --> 01:29:49,420 Justin case one or two of you didn't figure it out. 2089 01:29:49,430 --> 01:29:52,890 Moose is also very happy these days. 2090 01:29:52,890 --> 01:29:54,800 I've been having so much fun. 2091 01:29:54,810 --> 01:29:59,100 Okay, let's see. What else do you need to know? 2092 01:29:59,100 --> 01:30:03,640 Uh, Some is an up-and-coming writer/director in Hollywood. 2093 01:30:03,650 --> 01:30:05,260 Everyone knows who he is. 2094 01:30:05,280 --> 01:30:08,610 He's the writer/director with one arm. 2095 01:30:11,240 --> 01:30:12,400 [answering machine beeps] 2096 01:30:12,410 --> 01:30:13,820 Hi, honey. It's Peggy. 2097 01:30:13,830 --> 01:30:15,530 I'm looking for a producer. 2098 01:30:15,540 --> 01:30:17,950 I'm hoping you can produce me a foot massage. 2099 01:30:17,950 --> 01:30:20,040 Uh, I'm leaving the ball field. Do you need anything? 2100 01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:23,080 Peanuts, hot dog, some aspirin? 2101 01:30:23,080 --> 01:30:25,250 I love you, honey. I'll see you soon. 2102 01:30:25,250 --> 01:30:26,620 [Narrating] I just got back from L.A. 2103 01:30:26,630 --> 01:30:28,340 Hi. This is Mark Miller from the studio. 2104 01:30:28,340 --> 01:30:30,670 Look, we love it. We love you. We don't say that often. 2105 01:30:30,680 --> 01:30:32,510 - We'd love to do something together. - [doorbell rings] 2106 01:30:32,510 --> 01:30:34,590 Listen to me. I've never said the word "love" this much 2107 01:30:34,600 --> 01:30:36,550 to someone who isn't 21 with... 2108 01:30:39,930 --> 01:30:42,100 Hey! 2109 01:30:42,100 --> 01:30:43,180 Ha ha. 2110 01:30:43,190 --> 01:30:44,850 Thel! 2111 01:30:44,860 --> 01:30:47,310 I always knew. 2112 01:30:55,950 --> 01:30:57,440 Thanks, Thel. 2113 01:31:06,630 --> 01:31:08,790 [Mark Miller] ...big tits. Call me, brother. 2114 01:31:08,800 --> 01:31:10,330 [beep] 2115 01:31:10,340 --> 01:31:12,210 Dad, just saw the movie with all my friends. 2116 01:31:12,220 --> 01:31:14,380 It was great. They can't believe you're my dad. 2117 01:31:14,390 --> 01:31:15,550 People keep calling. 2118 01:31:15,550 --> 01:31:17,220 Everybody thinks you're really hot shit. 2119 01:31:17,220 --> 01:31:19,090 Congratulations. I love you, Dad. 2120 01:31:19,100 --> 01:31:20,510 I'll see you tonight, right? 2121 01:31:20,520 --> 01:31:23,380 I hope so. Bye, Dad. 2122 01:31:23,400 --> 01:31:24,510 [beep] 2123 01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:27,180 [rewinding tape] 2124 01:31:28,980 --> 01:31:31,730 Dad, just saw the movie with all my friends. 2125 01:31:31,740 --> 01:31:34,100 It was great. They can't believe you're my dad. 2126 01:31:34,110 --> 01:31:35,570 People keep calling. 2127 01:31:35,570 --> 01:31:37,410 Everybody thinks you're really hot shit. 2128 01:31:37,410 --> 01:31:39,870 Congratulations. I love you, Dad. 2129 01:31:39,870 --> 01:31:41,530 I'll see you tonight, right? 2130 01:31:41,540 --> 01:31:43,870 I hope so. Bye, Dad. 2131 01:31:43,870 --> 01:31:45,030 [beep] 2132 01:31:50,670 --> 01:31:52,410 [rewinding tape] 2133 01:31:54,260 --> 01:31:56,380 ...lations. I love you, Dad. 2134 01:31:56,390 --> 01:31:58,220 I'll see you tonight, right? 2135 01:31:58,220 --> 01:31:59,340 I hope so. 2136 01:32:02,140 --> 01:32:03,510 I love you, Dad. 2137 01:33:22,760 --> 01:33:25,630 [Andy narrating] The end. We hope you liked our film. 2138 01:34:03,640 --> 01:34:07,510 ♪ If I could, I'd say these words ♪ 2139 01:34:07,520 --> 01:34:09,680 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2140 01:34:12,860 --> 01:34:16,390 ♪ If I could, I'd make it heard ♪ 2141 01:34:16,400 --> 01:34:18,690 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2142 01:34:21,660 --> 01:34:25,320 ♪ A good man commits ♪ 2143 01:34:26,410 --> 01:34:29,530 ♪ A good man doesn't spit ♪ 2144 01:34:30,750 --> 01:34:35,490 ♪ A good man opens every door ♪ 2145 01:34:35,500 --> 01:34:37,670 ♪ A good man ♪ 2146 01:34:37,670 --> 01:34:40,760 ♪ Don't make out with whores ♪ 2147 01:34:44,300 --> 01:34:48,420 ♪ Someday I'm gonna say these words ♪ 2148 01:34:48,430 --> 01:34:50,670 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2149 01:34:53,310 --> 01:34:57,350 ♪ Someday I'm gonna make it heard ♪ 2150 01:34:57,360 --> 01:34:59,520 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2151 01:35:02,570 --> 01:35:07,110 ♪ A good man's for real ♪ 2152 01:35:07,120 --> 01:35:11,740 ♪ A good man can feel ♪ 2153 01:35:11,750 --> 01:35:16,460 ♪ A good man don't put his fist through walls ♪ 2154 01:35:16,460 --> 01:35:18,250 ♪ A good man ♪ 2155 01:35:18,250 --> 01:35:21,000 ♪ Don't stay down when he falls ♪ 2156 01:35:21,010 --> 01:35:24,220 ♪ Haunted by my youth ♪ 2157 01:35:25,300 --> 01:35:28,760 ♪ Suffocated truth ♪ 2158 01:35:29,810 --> 01:35:34,270 ♪ A piece of me has to die ♪ 2159 01:35:34,270 --> 01:35:39,360 ♪ Before I find the strength to fly ♪ 2160 01:35:43,280 --> 01:35:47,240 ♪ Yeah, I'm gonna say these words ♪ 2161 01:35:47,240 --> 01:35:49,610 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2162 01:35:52,540 --> 01:35:56,200 ♪ And I'm gonna make it heard ♪ 2163 01:35:56,210 --> 01:35:58,540 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2164 01:36:00,670 --> 01:36:02,080 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2165 01:36:02,090 --> 01:36:04,830 ♪ I am a loaded gun ♪ 2166 01:36:04,840 --> 01:36:07,300 ♪ I am my father's son ♪ 2167 01:36:07,300 --> 01:36:09,550 ♪ Always on the run ♪ 2168 01:36:09,560 --> 01:36:11,890 ♪ Search in' for the one ♪ 2169 01:36:11,890 --> 01:36:14,470 ♪ And embracing none ♪ 2170 01:36:14,480 --> 01:36:16,680 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2171 01:36:18,770 --> 01:36:21,230 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 2172 01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:28,110 ♪ I am a good man ♪ 150764