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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:13,404 [chorus vocalizing] 4 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:18,714 [man] Happiness... is it enough? 5 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,326 Is it possible to find happiness 6 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:25,764 and just be happy about it? 7 00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:29,072 Alice and I had been happy for a long time. 8 00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:31,161 Long enough that we were getting married, 9 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:32,554 and we were both very... 10 00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:35,122 ...well, we were happy about it. 11 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,253 [brakes squeal] 12 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,127 [Alice] We did nice things for each other. 13 00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,607 Things some couples might not consider romantic, 14 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:47,264 but we considered the little things we did for each other truly romantic. 15 00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:50,876 For example, we always did the dishes together. 16 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,617 [man] It was more fun that way. 17 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,054 And no one got screwed. 18 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:57,144 Alice was very into good smells. 19 00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,407 She was always on the hunt for the shampoo 20 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,931 that would make us feel alive and clean and fresh. 21 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:05,891 [Alice] Ed made fun of my desire to find morning sunshine in a bottle. 22 00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:07,415 But he liked it. 23 00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,982 He smelled great and so did I. 24 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,984 [Ed] Whenever I was at the post office, 25 00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:13,856 I would look for the stamp that would make Alice happy 26 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:16,119 to send her letters. 27 00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:20,776 It'’s not a gift on the level of red roses or diamond earrings. 28 00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,561 [Alice] But we were beyond red roses and diamond earrings. 29 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,128 We had reached stamps. 30 00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:28,436 We were simpatico. 31 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,482 [Ed] Did I have friends who were having more fun than me? 32 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,484 The masseuse just gave me a hand job. 33 00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,051 - Get out! - Yep! 34 00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:40,448 - Did you guy discuss it beforehand? - Nope. 35 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,666 And she give you a hand job just like that? 36 00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,668 Just like that, buddy. 37 00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:46,497 Wow! I'’ve gotten massages before, 38 00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:47,846 never once did anyone ever give me a hand job. 39 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,544 - [woman] Roll over. - I got to go. 40 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,504 [Ed] Sure, yeah. 41 00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,593 I had friends who were having more fun than me, but, 42 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:58,205 Alice and I, we had a different kind of fun. 43 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:03,688 Oh, good add-on. 44 00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:05,690 The kind of fun you have 45 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,518 when you'’ve been with someone you love for five years. 46 00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:09,912 [Alice] That'’s why we were getting married. 47 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:13,176 [brakes squeal] 48 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,091 - [Alice] Oh, my God. - [exhales] 49 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,572 [exhales] 50 00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:19,313 We could'’ve just been killed 51 00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,663 on the way to our own engagement party. 52 00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:25,101 Whoo, at least we wouldn'’t have had to sit through any of the toasts. 53 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:30,150 [laughing] Wow! Wow! 54 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,500 [man] My lawyer says I'’ll be lucky if I get two Sundays a month. 55 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,502 [Ed] Rebecca gets Buster? 56 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,678 - That'’s not fair. That'’s your dog. - You believe that shit? 57 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,549 - You trained that dog. - Exactly. 58 00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:41,378 - I'’m really sorry about that. - Yeah, that'’s rough. 59 00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:44,381 Yeah, I'’m OK. 60 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,078 I'’m OK. 61 00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:49,125 I still got Herman. 62 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:52,389 Thinking about some cats. [slurps] 63 00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:55,392 - Crab puff with lemon aioli? - No, thank you. 64 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,220 Good call, they'’re terrible. 65 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,483 - Oh. - Wait for the duck beets. 66 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,529 What? Is there anything else I should look out for? 67 00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:03,183 Just the clumsy waiters. 68 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:07,752 - I'’m Tim. - I'’m Alice. 69 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,668 - Hmm. - And... 70 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,061 this is my engagement party 71 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,585 Oh, another one lost to the void. 72 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:15,978 [chuckles] 73 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,461 I gotta, um... [clears throat] 74 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,858 He was my number one, you know? 75 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,513 [sobs] 76 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,254 I won'’t say nothing to Herman about it, that'’s cool. 77 00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,995 Why are we even at this thing anyway? Huh? 78 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:36,955 Oh, Claire and Peter insisted. 79 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,653 You know, I can'’t even believe 80 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:40,611 that Claire and Alice are sisters. 81 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:41,960 Claire... 82 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,224 ...is so nasty. 83 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,009 Her husband laughed at something that I said earlier... 84 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:49,838 So then the stall door opens and it'’s Frank Gorshin. 85 00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,796 [laughs] 86 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,320 Oh, God. 87 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,453 Honey, please, your breath is like a sewer. 88 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,281 Please, honey. 89 00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,891 She just said his breath smelled horrible 90 00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,545 in front of everybody. 91 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,243 It'’s called marriage, Carl, get over it. 92 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,767 - And you get used to it. - [chuckles] 93 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,421 Oh, no. It'’s different with him and Alice. 94 00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,336 I mean, they really got something. 95 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,773 - I mean, Peter and Claire... - There'’s Peter right now. 96 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,036 - Peter, what'’s up, buddy? - Ed! Eddie! 97 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:15,385 - Eddie! - Edward! 98 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,126 That'’s right! 99 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,780 What should I call you now that we'’re about to be related? 100 00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,565 - Ed. - May I call you Eddie? - Sure. 101 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:24,176 - I never really enjoyed saying the name "Ed." - [both chuckling] 102 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:25,700 Why the devil are you hiding out over here, 103 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,354 you should be out celebrating, shouldn'’t you? 104 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,225 I mean, after all, 105 00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,009 you got the good sister. 106 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,402 [both laugh] 107 00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:35,362 I wouldn'’t say that. Come on, Claire. 108 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:37,233 Claire is... you know. 109 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,626 Claire is... 110 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:43,239 - Yes, Claire is Claire. - Claire. 111 00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,110 - But Alice... - Alice. 112 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,721 Alice is... 113 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,506 - She'’s Alice, isn'’t she? - [laughing] 114 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:52,857 - Alice is Alice. - You lucky fucker, you are. 115 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,426 Oh, Terry! Excuse... Terry! 116 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:59,255 - His breath is pretty bad. - No shit. 117 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,388 - British. - Good God. 118 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:05,217 Hey! Carl, you wore your fancy shirt for us. 119 00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,089 You guys are my favorite couple. 120 00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:08,395 Thank you very much. 121 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,222 Speaking of couples, where'’s Amanda? 122 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:11,615 - Ooh. - What? 123 00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:13,965 She ditched me for a guy with a job. 124 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,228 - I'’m sorry... - That hurts. 125 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,840 - Yeah. Ed didn'’t tell me that. - I'’m sorry. 126 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,537 - Uh... - I'’m sorry. 127 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,234 Claire wants to make a toast for us. 128 00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,062 No! No, not Claire! Anybody but Claire! 129 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,412 Your sister'’s toasts are clunky. 130 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,196 They make people uncomfortable. 131 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,590 - It'’s her house, her toast. - She cannot. 132 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:32,462 Hello, everyone. I'’m Claire. I'’m the sister. 133 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,203 Hi. 134 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:37,859 Um, I just wanted to say a few words about Alice and Ed. 135 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:42,080 Um, one of the things you should know about Alice and Ed 136 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:46,171 is that they luckily have the same taste in music. 137 00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:48,043 Just one of the many advantages 138 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,914 they have as a couple. 139 00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:53,309 Having the same taste in music is very, um, 140 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,485 is a wonderful thing, 141 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:58,227 because the sounds of irritable bowel syndrome can be deafening. 142 00:05:58,227 --> 00:06:00,838 [chuckling] 143 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,753 Or it is spastic colon... honey? 144 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,842 [laughs] 145 00:06:04,842 --> 00:06:07,105 It'’s hard to say. There'’s so many problems. 146 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:12,110 But, you know, if I could crank my Led Zeppelin, 147 00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,938 perhaps I wouldn'’t have this problem. 148 00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:16,419 But it'’s just Chopin, Chopin, Chopin. 149 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,160 I'’m telling you, Chopin'’s nocturnes 150 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,379 just ain'’t loud enough, sweetie. 151 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,598 - OK? - [laughs] 152 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:24,514 So, I just wanted to say, 153 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,386 thank you all for coming today. 154 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,475 Here'’s to Ed and Alice. 155 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:31,042 They are the happiest couple I know. 156 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:34,481 And um... thank God, I have more money than they do, 157 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,004 or I would really fucking hate them. 158 00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:37,571 - Cheers! - [man] Cheers. 159 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,747 [woman] Cheers. 160 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,139 - [weak applause] - [Claire clears throat] 161 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:43,794 [jazz music plays] 162 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,280 [chuckles] 163 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,632 - Oh! - Oh, no! 164 00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:58,026 - I'’m sorry. - I'’m sorry, Claire. 165 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:03,292 This? This? 166 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,946 Do you have anything a woman might wear? 167 00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:07,209 Hilarious. 168 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,432 I never had the balls to wear this. Give it a shot. 169 00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,135 Can I pull this off? 170 00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:22,964 [sighs] I'’ve got a boner. 171 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,531 Eww. 172 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,624 [both chuckling] 173 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:39,720 Here, I want to fuck you. 174 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,939 [breathing heavily, grunting] 175 00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:47,554 [laughs] 176 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,338 I don'’t think they know each other. 177 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:53,603 - You'’re kidding me. - Mm-mm. 178 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:58,042 I had a feeling my life sucked, now I know it does. God! 179 00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:02,656 [breathing heavily, grunting] 180 00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:12,361 [Ed] Wow. Wow. 181 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,885 Wow! Right there on Claire'’s bed, huh? 182 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,887 Mm-hmm. 183 00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,324 Geez, that'’s the most action that bed'’s seen in a long time. 184 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,283 Wow. 185 00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,459 Do you think that we have a hot sex life? 186 00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:26,331 - Our sex life is very hot. - Yeah? 187 00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:28,508 Very, very hot. 188 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,118 I don'’t know what was in those tamales. 189 00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:33,338 I feel like a garlic clove took a dump in my mouth. 190 00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:34,905 Why don'’t we ever do anything like that? 191 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:37,386 Just, you know, sneak off into some empty room 192 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:40,041 or a bathroom at a party and just do it? 193 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,045 Alice, before we have sex, 194 00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,307 you have to double lock the front door 195 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,395 and set the alarm. 196 00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:48,528 [laughing] 197 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,182 No, I don'’t. 198 00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,836 Just one lock. 199 00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,797 [crickets chirping outside] 200 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:59,234 Do you feel good about being with me the rest of your life? 201 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:02,498 Yeah, I wouldn'’t be here if I didn'’t. 202 00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,674 I just feel so boring. 203 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,415 I wish I had slept with more people. 204 00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:08,286 Oh, it'’s not as much fun as you think. 205 00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:11,594 You'’re not missing anything, believe me. 206 00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:15,119 Having sex with a bunch of different people isn'’t fun? 207 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,992 [chuckles] It starts out as fun, 208 00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:22,257 but it winds up being a giant pain in the ass. 209 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,564 Casual sex, one-night stands. 210 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,391 You don'’t think I'’d be a more exciting person 211 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,697 if I'’d had some of that? 212 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,137 What'’s going on? 213 00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,923 I don'’t know, I just wish that I'’d had a little more history. 214 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,926 A few more experiences so I wouldn'’t feel like 215 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,842 - I was missing out on anything. - Missing out on anything? 216 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,496 Wait, everyone always feels like they want more. 217 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,498 It'’s normal to feel that way. 218 00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,631 Especially right before you get married, of course. 219 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:55,246 But I'’ve only been with... three guys. 220 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:59,468 - You said I was your fifth. - Yeah, I know, but I lied. 221 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,035 What? 222 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:04,386 Yeah, Doug wasn'’t what he said. 223 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:06,606 Hey, hey! 224 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,477 You don'’t have a penis. 225 00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,566 My name is not Doug, either. 226 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,567 [squeals] 227 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,743 Oh, my God. What was that? 228 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:17,660 A lesbian senior who liked to prey on innocent freshmen. 229 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:20,054 Oh, that'’s so weird. 230 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,925 - I know. - All right, all right. 231 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,624 What about that... 232 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,277 There'’s that guy in college 233 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:27,714 you said you had a one-night stand with. 234 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,325 Yeah, it didn'’t really last a whole night. 235 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,154 [breathing heavily] 236 00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:41,553 Oh. Why did you lie to me? 237 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:44,252 Because I just feel like three guys is pathetic. 238 00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:48,038 - I think that you'’re very sexy. - Really? 239 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:51,128 Really, and... 240 00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:53,348 I think you'’re really slutty. 241 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,960 - Mm. - [chuckles] 242 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:01,182 I would like to have sex right now. 243 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,487 Mm. 244 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,315 But I'’m kind of tired. 245 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,666 Good, something I ate disagreed with me. 246 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,016 So I'’m gonna go to bed. 247 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,418 Last night when I was changing my dress, 248 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,333 I saw you with that waiter. 249 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,946 You saw us? 250 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:28,992 Yes, on the bed having sex. My sister and I were in the closet. 251 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,298 - Watching? - Yes. 252 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,258 What a turn-on. 253 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:36,434 [chuckles] 254 00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:39,655 What'’s it like to do that with a stranger? 255 00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,352 Oh, it'’s fun. 256 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,224 But don'’t take my word for it, you should try it. 257 00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:46,270 [chuckles] I can'’t, I'’m engaged. 258 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,229 You can still love Ed and get a wet pussy 259 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:51,275 because you like the way some guy'’s cock bulges in his pants. 260 00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:54,496 [woman] OK, everyone. 261 00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:57,804 Come to a comfortable sitting position, 262 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:02,156 close your eyes, and begin your Ujjayi Pranayama. 263 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,375 [breathing deeply] 264 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:19,086 We'’re still over. 265 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:22,002 Your cousins from Vermont, can you guarantee me 266 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,481 if we invite them, they won'’t show up? 267 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:24,831 [laughs] 268 00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,878 I need to sleep with other people. 269 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,837 Excuse me? 270 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:37,191 It wouldn'’t just be me sleeping with other people, 271 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,149 you would get to, too. 272 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:42,370 [laughing] I don'’t want to. I don'’t think I do... 273 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,024 You'’re honestly saying you wouldn'’t want to sleep 274 00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,286 - with anyone else? - I like sleeping with you. 275 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,244 Well, and I like sleeping with you, 276 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,812 but, come on, don'’t you see other women 277 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,901 out there during the day 278 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,424 and think about what it would be like to have sex with them? 279 00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,122 I don'’t wanna talk... 280 00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,211 Just answer. Wouldn'’t you like a little fresh pussy? 281 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,647 What? What are you doing? 282 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:01,302 Yeah. Yes, is that what you wanna hear? 283 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,783 - Yeah, well, I mean... - I wanna have sex with half the magazine covers here. 284 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,393 So then let'’s try it. 285 00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:08,570 Just for a little while and we can stop anytime. 286 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,137 How about we stop now? 287 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,573 How long are we going to talk about this? 288 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,227 I don'’t want to! 289 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,185 I can'’t handle that, and I know... 290 00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:18,232 I know you can'’t handle it. Yeah! 291 00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:27,284 Ed. It can work. Ed! 292 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:30,418 If we can be mature and honest and open, 293 00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,986 - it can work. - Are you... 294 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,597 It can work? 295 00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:38,469 This may sound irrational to you, Alice, 296 00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,776 but I don'’t want you sleeping with other men. 297 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:43,083 Ed, it'’s just sex. It doesn'’t have to mean anything. 298 00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:45,433 In fact the whole point is that it'’s meaningless. 299 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,130 And it'’s not about love at all. 300 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,002 I know that I love you. 301 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,091 It'’s just something that I need to get out of my system 302 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:55,051 and then, once we get married, then that'’s it. It'’s forever. 303 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:58,663 You'’re not gonna be jealous when I go and have sex with another woman? 304 00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,448 - Mm-mm. - You'’re not? 305 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,406 No, '’cause I know you love me, so I can handle it. 306 00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,887 You can handle it? What about me? 307 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,890 I can'’t handle it. The mental picture of you having sex with some guy, 308 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,370 - I can'’t handle that, Alice. - Yes, you can, Ed. 309 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,632 - I just told you I can'’t. - Yes, you can. 310 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:11,807 - I can'’t. - You can. 311 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,200 I can! 312 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,332 Listen... 313 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:18,466 We can'’t stop each other from experiencing life. 314 00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:22,557 And the thing is, sweetie, we'’re in a rut. 315 00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:25,386 How are we in a rut? 316 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,214 Because we haven'’t had sex in almost three weeks, 317 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:30,043 and we haven'’t had sex in the daytime in almost three years. 318 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,960 I see that, we'’re in a little bit of a rut, 319 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,571 but that doesn'’t make us any different from anybody else. 320 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,486 Well... 321 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,488 We don'’t have to be like everyone else. 322 00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:45,536 All right, so we always use condoms, 323 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:48,017 and never in this house. We don'’t bring anyone into this house. 324 00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,540 What about videos? Can I make videos? 325 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:53,414 And we have to be completely honest with each other 326 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,111 because we don'’t want anyone coming between us. 327 00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,418 Except the people we'’re going to be having sex with? 328 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,941 Come on, it'’ll be an adventure. 329 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,074 An adventure? Well, let'’s go skydiving. 330 00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:02,553 Let'’s rob a bank. 331 00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:05,034 OK, here'’s my list of who'’s off limits. 332 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,254 - You made a list? - Uh-huh. 333 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,824 You put your mother on this list. 334 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,087 Yeah, I just wanted to cover all the bases. 335 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,958 - Your mother? - Yeah. 336 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:18,569 - Salma Hayek? This is insane. - You could meet her. 337 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:20,093 Claire saw her at Whole Foods last week. 338 00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,921 What are you talk... 339 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,966 This list is the work of someone that cannot deal 340 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,577 with me having sex with other people. 341 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,971 Look at all these. 342 00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,146 Look at this. 343 00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,237 You'’re right. You'’re right. 344 00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,503 - Uh, no lists. - No lists? 345 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:42,898 No lists. No jealousy. You know, I'’d be impressed if you had sex with Salma Hayek. 346 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:44,465 Oh, I'’d be impressed if you had sex with Salma Hayek. 347 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,032 I bet you would. 348 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,164 Now I'’m just free to go out into the world 349 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,950 and have sex with whoever catches my eye? 350 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,431 - Yes, and so am I. - I got that part. 351 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,610 OK. All right. 352 00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:03,310 - I'’m late for work, Alice. - [laughs] OK. 353 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,138 - OK? - So... 354 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,009 Good, I think this is gonna be really good for us. 355 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,663 I'’m glad you think so. 356 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,884 Salma Hayek? 357 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,848 [woman] Are you really gonna let him sleep with anyone he wants? 358 00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,415 [Alice] Mm-hmm. I need to have some slut days. 359 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,417 How can I commit to a life of monogamy 360 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,941 without ever having slut days? 361 00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:29,292 Slut days are so unimportant compared to what you and Ed have. 362 00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:32,730 And take it from someone who'’s had lots of meaningless sex, 363 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:35,690 you just wind up feeling spent and all fucked out. 364 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,084 Really? 365 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:41,609 Alice, you can'’t let your fiancé sleep with other women. You'’ll be jealous. 366 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:44,394 I don'’t think after five years, I'’m gonna feel jealous. 367 00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:46,309 Just don'’t tell anyone though, OK? 368 00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,355 I won'’t tell anyone, 369 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,706 but this is the whitest thing that I'’ve ever heard. 370 00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,665 You wanna know a secret? It kind of turns me on. 371 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,537 That'’s because it doesn'’t have a face 372 00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,104 and a pair of double-Ds. 373 00:16:58,104 --> 00:16:59,888 I'’m not gonna feel threatened. 374 00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,585 I doubt he'’s even thinking of it. 375 00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,544 I'’m sure he'’s just going through his day like always. 376 00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,546 Mm-hmm. 377 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,897 [man] Oh, my God, this script blows. 378 00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:10,768 It'’s flat as a fucking pancake. 379 00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,988 [man 2] We'’re not throwing out the whole script. This is funny. 380 00:17:12,988 --> 00:17:14,859 - It'’s not funny for a second. - It'’s very funny. 381 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,470 - Can we order dinner? - No. 382 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,734 - It'’s freakin'’ hysterical. - Stop. Ed. Ed! 383 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,128 What? 384 00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:25,044 You gonna pitch some jokes, or what'’s going on? 385 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,482 He'’s drawing big titty naked girls. 386 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,789 Let me see. 387 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:34,227 - [chuckles] - Wow. 388 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,794 - Yeah. - [chuckling] 389 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:39,188 So, why don'’t you just have an affair? 390 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,885 No, that'’s what my parents did. 391 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:44,150 Sneaking around, lying... Who wants that? 392 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,716 [man] Knock-knock. 393 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,157 - Who'’s that? - That'’s Donald. 394 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,115 It'’s the contractor that Tasha recommended. 395 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,553 He'’s cute. 396 00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,251 Well, there'’s your guy. 397 00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,296 - Go for it. - What did you mean? 398 00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,820 Yeah. [laughs] 399 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,692 I don'’t have to worry about you, 400 00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,260 because you don'’t have the guts to go through with it. 401 00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,657 We'’re doing zoysia here. 402 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,790 Three flats, you think that'’s enough? 403 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:18,271 Oh, make it five. There'’s a spot on the side of the house 404 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,837 - I wanna use it for also. - All right, five it is. 405 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:23,276 Uh... Hold on, this pen is done. I'’ll get a new one. 406 00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,060 Mm-hmm. 407 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:30,848 [takes deep breath, exhales] 408 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,290 What was... 409 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,074 What... 410 00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,555 Are you trying to kiss me? 411 00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:45,428 Yeah, it was sort of an experiment. 412 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:48,649 OK, I'’m open to an experiment. 413 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,913 Now that I have a heads up, I think we can do much better. 414 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,319 [humming] 415 00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:08,886 Oh, honey, that looks gorgeous. 416 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,236 Thank you. 417 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,281 Home grown, except for the mushrooms. 418 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,153 Oh, you know what? They'’re shooting my script this week, 419 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,285 and I wanted to tell you because Marty wanted me... 420 00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,246 - You look really pretty. - I do? 421 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:23,074 - Yeah, you do. - [chuckling] Thank you. 422 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,293 You have a glow. 423 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:25,990 Well, I made out with someone today. 424 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:32,997 - What? - [laughs] I made out someone. 425 00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,999 You made out with someone, like you made out... 426 00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:37,219 - Made out. - Made out, made out. 427 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,831 [laughs] 428 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,529 Well, you don'’t waste any time, Alice, did you? 429 00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:45,053 The opportunity just sort of presented itself. 430 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:46,489 You had someone lined up. 431 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,448 - Oh, my... - No. No, I didn'’t. 432 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,973 You didn'’t? You... Oh, my God! I'’m so stupid! 433 00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,714 What? 434 00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,106 You trick me into this bullshit arrangement 435 00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:56,499 because you had some guy lined up. 436 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,240 No, Ed, I didn'’t. I met this guy today. 437 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,720 - For the first time. - Today? 438 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,635 - Yes. - Who? 439 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:04,246 The contractor from the Kelner job. 440 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,682 Would you like to hear about what happened? 441 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,118 What? 442 00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,555 Do you wanna hear about what happened? 443 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,644 I don'’t know. I don'’t know! 444 00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:13,299 This is so fucking weird, Alice. 445 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,865 Sure. 446 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,519 OK, well, I did something that I always wanted to do. 447 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,086 I was aggressive. 448 00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:21,742 And before I knew it, I was totally kissing this guy. 449 00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,700 And I felt really sexy. 450 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:27,226 It was... It was hot. 451 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,145 You liked it? 452 00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:38,846 [chuckling] Mm-mm. I did. 453 00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:44,678 [grunting, panting] 454 00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:51,337 [sighs] 455 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,600 I told you this would work. 456 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,994 Remember, you'’re allowed to do it, too. 457 00:20:56,994 --> 00:21:01,260 [groans] I accept. 458 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,612 [Ed] I don'’t wanna give you too many details, 459 00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:07,309 but let me just say last night was ridiculous. 460 00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:10,007 I haven'’t had sex like that, ever, ever in my life! 461 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,009 - Ever! - [laughing] I love it! 462 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:13,359 I got a fucking hard on right now. 463 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,448 Stop. Ew! 464 00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:18,233 - I think it'’s crazy. - Carl, give it a rest. 465 00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:19,974 He'’s obviously not giving Alice what she wants, 466 00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:23,151 and if he gets to benefit from that, then let him. 467 00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,849 What did you mean I'’m not giving Alice what she wants? 468 00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,982 I'’m on your side, all right. 469 00:21:27,982 --> 00:21:29,288 All I'’m saying is the reality of the situation is 470 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,072 you'’re making a ton of dough, 471 00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:33,161 you'’re surrounded by all these actresses with huge, fake tits, 472 00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:38,471 I say enjoy the river of snatch that flows to your cock. 473 00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:41,212 This is the advice that you give to your friend 474 00:21:41,212 --> 00:21:44,215 when he'’s about to marry the woman that he loves? 475 00:21:44,215 --> 00:21:49,003 You are doomed. Enjoy your lonely death, man. 476 00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:51,484 I don'’t see anybody sucking your cock, Carl. 477 00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,923 You think maybe I'’m inadequate? 478 00:21:55,923 --> 00:21:59,056 So you'’re inadequate, who cares? Use it. 479 00:21:59,056 --> 00:22:01,102 Don'’t listen to him, Ed, he doesn'’t have human feelings. 480 00:22:01,102 --> 00:22:02,582 It'’s just Alice never said anything 481 00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:04,148 about me being inadequate. 482 00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,933 Yeah, your mate usually doesn'’t bring that up. 483 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:07,717 They come up with shit like seeing other people 484 00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:09,502 to make your sex life better. 485 00:22:09,502 --> 00:22:11,155 You don'’t have to see other people 486 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:13,201 to make your sex life better. 487 00:22:13,201 --> 00:22:16,204 Rent a porno. Buy some new sheets. Something. 488 00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:18,337 Non-monogamy is man'’s natural state. 489 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:21,470 God created us to want to fuck around. 490 00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:24,038 - [cell phone ringing] - I say go with God. 491 00:22:24,038 --> 00:22:27,389 What does she want? Yeah, hello? 492 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:30,479 You know where that is? Because he needs to be walked more than once a fucking day. 493 00:22:30,479 --> 00:22:32,438 OK, he'’s a dog not a toy. 494 00:22:32,438 --> 00:22:34,918 Soon he'’s gonna have a fatter ass than you. 495 00:22:34,918 --> 00:22:36,398 Yep. You know what... 496 00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:39,009 Right back... 497 00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:42,143 Yeah, I'’m still here. I'’m in the fucking studio, OK? I'’m working. 498 00:22:42,143 --> 00:22:44,363 Look at the rack on that. 499 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,713 The fact of the matter is B'’s depressed, 500 00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:48,149 and I blame you for that. 501 00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:50,151 The dog needs structure. He needs structure. 502 00:22:50,151 --> 00:22:51,935 He can'’t just go to a fucking shrink like you 503 00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:53,676 and pay $200 a week to get some little fucking green pill 504 00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,286 to make him happy. All right? 505 00:22:57,201 --> 00:23:00,248 I don'’t know how they can make postal worker outfits in hot. 506 00:23:00,248 --> 00:23:01,902 - [chuckles] - Did I just say that? 507 00:23:01,902 --> 00:23:04,165 That was so lame, I'’m sorry. I'’m really sorry. 508 00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:06,080 - Aren'’t you engaged? - Correct. 509 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,212 And yet you'’re flirting with me. 510 00:23:08,212 --> 00:23:09,866 That'’s so unusual in Hollywood, I know. 511 00:23:09,866 --> 00:23:11,868 [chuckles] 512 00:23:11,868 --> 00:23:13,566 Yeah, but I'’ve been on the show three times now, 513 00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:15,350 and you'’ve never flirted with me before, 514 00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:17,352 or even talked to me. 515 00:23:17,352 --> 00:23:19,789 Well, I'’m busy. I'’m really busy. 516 00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:21,095 Because you know, I write the show 517 00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:22,575 and then I'’m writing this movie now. 518 00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:25,099 - Oh. - I should talk to you about it. 519 00:23:25,099 --> 00:23:29,103 But, you know, my fiancée came up with this idea 520 00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:31,148 that we should see other people until we get married, 521 00:23:31,148 --> 00:23:32,889 and she already made out with this guy. 522 00:23:32,889 --> 00:23:33,977 Ouch. 523 00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:36,458 Yeah, it'’s completely like... 524 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,242 bananas but... 525 00:23:38,242 --> 00:23:40,288 my agent, Lou... Did you ever meet Lou? 526 00:23:40,288 --> 00:23:42,333 - Mm-mm. - I should introduce you to Lou. 527 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,379 He'’s producing this movie, too. 528 00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:47,295 He said that maybe she came up with this idea 529 00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:49,689 because I'’m inadequate, and I don'’t please her. 530 00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:52,822 Which is, trust me, completely ridiculous. 531 00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:57,784 But ever since he said that maybe I'’m inadequate, I can'’t get that out of my head. 532 00:23:57,784 --> 00:23:59,612 - Mm. - You know? 533 00:23:59,612 --> 00:24:01,396 Strange. 534 00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:08,795 This is horrible. This has never happened before. 535 00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:12,015 I always get a hard on. Always. 536 00:24:12,015 --> 00:24:15,758 I guess I'’m... I haven'’t had sex with anyone except my fiancé in so long, 537 00:24:15,758 --> 00:24:17,020 I'’m probably just nervous. 538 00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:18,674 This is... 539 00:24:18,674 --> 00:24:20,676 I'’m just nervous. 540 00:24:20,676 --> 00:24:22,678 I think I know why your fiancée 541 00:24:22,678 --> 00:24:24,463 thinks you'’re inadequate. 542 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,204 I just said this has never happened before. 543 00:24:27,204 --> 00:24:28,815 Oh, I know, I know. 544 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,819 I just don'’t believe you. 545 00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,603 Maybe you'’re gay. 546 00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:40,261 - Hey. - Hey, how was the... 547 00:24:40,261 --> 00:24:42,829 [kissing] 548 00:24:42,829 --> 00:24:44,961 ...taping? I guess it was good, huh? 549 00:24:44,961 --> 00:24:47,268 I'’m just glad to be home with you. 550 00:24:47,268 --> 00:24:50,750 Feel these sheets. I got them today, 250-thread count. 551 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:53,404 I think I like them better than the 353 count. 552 00:24:53,404 --> 00:24:54,928 Oh, they'’re great sheets. 553 00:24:54,928 --> 00:24:57,539 Oh! Um... 554 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,716 [chuckling] 555 00:25:00,716 --> 00:25:04,241 [Alice] Donald, this is a really nice place. 556 00:25:04,241 --> 00:25:06,722 Do you rent or own? 557 00:25:06,722 --> 00:25:09,420 [Donald] Listen, if you don'’t want to do this, it'’s totally fine. 558 00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:11,510 Do I seem like I don'’t want to do this? I do. 559 00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,425 - You just seem a little tense. - No, I'’m not tense, OK? 560 00:25:14,425 --> 00:25:16,645 Where'’s the bathroom? Great. 561 00:25:21,998 --> 00:25:24,174 You can do it. You just have to be wild, OK? 562 00:25:24,174 --> 00:25:27,134 Just be wild. Please be wild. 563 00:25:29,615 --> 00:25:31,617 Just going to be totally wild. 564 00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:36,447 Wild. Uh-huh. Wild. 565 00:25:39,625 --> 00:25:41,540 [Donald] Hey, Alice, wait. 566 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:44,673 [chuckles] You forgot these. 567 00:25:45,805 --> 00:25:48,024 - Thank you. - Oh... 568 00:25:48,024 --> 00:25:50,984 I really wish I hadn'’t worn those. 569 00:25:50,984 --> 00:25:52,681 - I need to see you again. - OK, I'’ll call you. 570 00:25:52,681 --> 00:25:53,987 - Can I cook you dinner? - Sure. 571 00:25:53,987 --> 00:25:55,771 Awesome. 572 00:25:55,771 --> 00:25:57,643 Great. 573 00:25:57,643 --> 00:25:59,558 Bye! 574 00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:09,219 Uh, I can'’t believe you had a nooner. 575 00:26:09,219 --> 00:26:10,525 Believe it. 576 00:26:10,525 --> 00:26:12,309 And he wants to make dinner for me. 577 00:26:12,309 --> 00:26:14,355 Ugh, what a cheeseball. 578 00:26:14,355 --> 00:26:16,879 You should see his arms. 579 00:26:16,879 --> 00:26:21,057 [laughing] And I don'’t even know his last name. 580 00:26:22,842 --> 00:26:24,408 OK, great, Alice. 581 00:26:24,408 --> 00:26:26,019 But I don'’t know why I'’m busting my ass 582 00:26:26,019 --> 00:26:27,455 picking out bridesmaids'’ dresses for you. 583 00:26:27,455 --> 00:26:28,978 It sounds like the wedding is off. 584 00:26:28,978 --> 00:26:31,024 For your information, 585 00:26:31,024 --> 00:26:33,330 Ed and I have been having the best sex we'’ve had in years. 586 00:26:34,636 --> 00:26:35,724 Really? 587 00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:42,644 Alice told Ed that she wants to fuck other people 588 00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:44,951 before they get married. 589 00:26:44,951 --> 00:26:46,605 - No. - Yeah. 590 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,650 No, Alice? This was Alice'’s idea? 591 00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:50,478 - I know. - It can'’t be. 592 00:26:50,478 --> 00:26:52,785 She'’s too good and sweet and... 593 00:26:52,785 --> 00:26:54,308 Yeah, I guess good, sweet little Alice 594 00:26:54,308 --> 00:26:57,180 wants to be dirty, bad little Alice. 595 00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,705 My God, I can'’t believe that. 596 00:26:59,705 --> 00:27:02,011 Why does it bother you? What do you care? 597 00:27:02,011 --> 00:27:04,927 Of course I care. Of course I care. 598 00:27:04,927 --> 00:27:06,973 I mean, my God, what is she thinking? 599 00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:08,714 People can'’t have everything. 600 00:27:08,714 --> 00:27:11,586 I mean, what, is she just going to sleep with whoever? 601 00:27:11,586 --> 00:27:14,415 - Whoever comes down the pike? - I guess. 602 00:27:14,415 --> 00:27:17,026 Goddamn, that'’s ridiculous. 603 00:27:17,026 --> 00:27:18,985 It'’s fucking ridiculous! 604 00:27:20,421 --> 00:27:21,552 [door slams] 605 00:27:21,552 --> 00:27:23,206 Jesus Christ! 606 00:27:25,252 --> 00:27:28,559 I made this for you, Peter. It'’s all organic. 607 00:27:28,559 --> 00:27:31,345 I grew it in my garden just for you. 608 00:27:31,345 --> 00:27:34,348 I want you to eat it off my tits and then do me. 609 00:27:34,348 --> 00:27:37,481 [Peter] Alice, oh, Alice. 610 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:43,879 Alice, Alice, Alice. 611 00:27:45,925 --> 00:27:48,971 - Hi, sweetheart. - Hi. Traffic. 612 00:27:48,971 --> 00:27:51,670 - Jeez! - [laughs] 613 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:55,848 - You'’re in a good mood. - I am, I am. 614 00:27:55,848 --> 00:27:57,066 I had a really interesting day today. 615 00:27:57,066 --> 00:27:58,851 What happened? 616 00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,723 Well, I had lunch with Donald. 617 00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:03,464 You know, the contractor? 618 00:28:03,464 --> 00:28:08,425 And we... [laughing] had meaningless sex. 619 00:28:08,425 --> 00:28:11,733 Ed, I did it. I finally did it. 620 00:28:14,736 --> 00:28:16,129 Are you OK? 621 00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:19,828 Yeah... yeah. 622 00:28:22,135 --> 00:28:25,007 Because this is what we were doing, right? 623 00:28:25,007 --> 00:28:27,923 Right. I just... 624 00:28:27,923 --> 00:28:30,752 I don'’t think I thought it would really happen. 625 00:28:33,450 --> 00:28:36,889 Well... you know I love you. 626 00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:41,676 Yeah, I'’m really feeling it. 627 00:28:41,676 --> 00:28:42,764 [keys jingling] 628 00:28:53,993 --> 00:28:56,125 You know, Alice is all sexed up and turned on, 629 00:28:56,125 --> 00:28:57,605 and that'’s great, you know? 630 00:28:57,605 --> 00:28:59,563 It'’s really, really loosened her up. 631 00:28:59,563 --> 00:29:01,652 But I'’m not going to sit at home 632 00:29:01,652 --> 00:29:03,219 while she'’s out getting loosened up! 633 00:29:03,219 --> 00:29:05,091 I'’m going to get loosened up too! 634 00:29:05,091 --> 00:29:06,483 I'’m getting loosened up. 635 00:29:08,094 --> 00:29:09,748 I couldn'’t get an erection, Carl. 636 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:12,098 Do you know what that means? I could not get an erection. 637 00:29:12,098 --> 00:29:14,404 I'’m not going out that way. 638 00:29:14,404 --> 00:29:16,755 Are you sure you'’re in the mood for a party? 639 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,105 I'’m in the mood. 640 00:29:23,413 --> 00:29:25,067 It'’s really great to see you tonight. 641 00:29:25,067 --> 00:29:26,547 Where'’s Alice? 642 00:29:26,547 --> 00:29:27,722 You look fantastic. 643 00:29:27,722 --> 00:29:29,724 Did you and Alice come separately? 644 00:29:29,724 --> 00:29:32,596 What do you say later we go someplace quiet alone. 645 00:29:32,596 --> 00:29:34,860 Are we meeting Alice? 646 00:29:34,860 --> 00:29:37,558 You goth types, I didn'’t know you drank beer. 647 00:29:37,558 --> 00:29:39,429 I thought it was more like bat'’s milk and blood. 648 00:29:39,429 --> 00:29:42,215 [laughs] 649 00:29:42,215 --> 00:29:44,870 Oh, that was lame. 650 00:29:44,870 --> 00:29:46,697 You'’re gonna walk away, aren'’t ya? 651 00:29:46,697 --> 00:29:48,874 Hey, I work in television. 652 00:29:50,963 --> 00:29:52,268 [giggling] 653 00:29:55,532 --> 00:29:58,100 Are you sure Larry'’s OK with us being in his bedroom? 654 00:29:58,100 --> 00:30:00,276 No, no. He'’s fine with it. 655 00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:02,061 [retches] 656 00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:07,806 So that'’s it? We'’re only staying 20 minutes? 657 00:30:09,329 --> 00:30:11,853 I used to get women, Carl. You remember? 658 00:30:11,853 --> 00:30:13,115 I got women all the time. 659 00:30:13,115 --> 00:30:15,422 But now, nothing. 660 00:30:15,422 --> 00:30:17,119 Who cares about these other women? 661 00:30:17,119 --> 00:30:18,294 You'’ve got Alice. 662 00:30:18,294 --> 00:30:20,557 I care. I really care 663 00:30:20,557 --> 00:30:22,777 I care because I can'’t get them. 664 00:30:22,777 --> 00:30:25,562 I'’m a hunter, I want to know that if I go out on the hunt 665 00:30:25,562 --> 00:30:29,088 that I can, you know, return with some fucking meat! 666 00:30:29,088 --> 00:30:32,134 I want meat. Meat for the whole village. 667 00:30:37,879 --> 00:30:39,272 I'’m sorry. 668 00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:41,056 Oh, God. 669 00:30:41,056 --> 00:30:42,797 I'’m sorry. 670 00:30:42,797 --> 00:30:44,146 I'’m sorry, too. 671 00:30:44,146 --> 00:30:45,713 No, I'’ve been thinking about it. 672 00:30:45,713 --> 00:30:47,758 Maybe we should just forget this whole plan. 673 00:30:47,758 --> 00:30:51,110 No, no, no! No, no, no... 674 00:30:51,110 --> 00:30:52,894 What did you mean? 675 00:30:52,894 --> 00:30:54,243 You... you'’re right, this is not good for us. 676 00:30:54,243 --> 00:30:56,419 You'’ve been gone for almost two hours. 677 00:30:56,419 --> 00:30:59,379 Well, I'’ve been driving around. You know, thinking... a lot. 678 00:30:59,379 --> 00:31:00,641 Why should I have a problem with this? 679 00:31:00,641 --> 00:31:02,034 Because I know you love me. 680 00:31:02,034 --> 00:31:03,818 But you'’re not into it. 681 00:31:03,818 --> 00:31:05,559 I mean, you haven'’t even tried to sleep with anyone. 682 00:31:05,559 --> 00:31:07,430 I know. I'’ve been really busy. 683 00:31:07,430 --> 00:31:09,693 So preoccupied with work. 684 00:31:09,693 --> 00:31:11,173 I can try to get into it. 685 00:31:11,173 --> 00:31:12,218 For us, for you... 686 00:31:12,218 --> 00:31:13,523 No, no, no... 687 00:31:13,523 --> 00:31:15,047 You were right, I'’ve been stupid. 688 00:31:15,047 --> 00:31:16,787 No one said it was gonna be easy on us. 689 00:31:16,787 --> 00:31:18,964 Let'’s try it. 690 00:31:18,964 --> 00:31:20,966 Until when? 691 00:31:20,966 --> 00:31:25,274 I don'’t know, until... until you think you'’re ready. 692 00:31:25,274 --> 00:31:28,190 Until you'’ve had the experience that you need. 693 00:31:30,192 --> 00:31:32,412 OK? 694 00:31:35,154 --> 00:31:38,635 - You'’re getting it this time. - Bring it on. 695 00:31:38,635 --> 00:31:40,028 - Oh, bring it on, huh? - Yeah, bring it on! 696 00:31:42,161 --> 00:31:45,381 So you had sex with the actress who plays the postal worker. 697 00:31:45,381 --> 00:31:47,731 - You'’re hurt? - No, I don'’t know if I'’m hurt, 698 00:31:47,731 --> 00:31:51,257 I'’m... intrigued. 699 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,607 So, how did it happen? 700 00:31:53,607 --> 00:31:56,392 - The sex? - The whole thing. 701 00:31:56,392 --> 00:32:00,657 The sex to... talking to her into the sex. 702 00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:03,225 Yeah. I want to know what the dynamic was like. 703 00:32:04,835 --> 00:32:06,750 Did you know you were gonna have sex with her 704 00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,839 from the second you saw her? 705 00:32:08,839 --> 00:32:10,537 I don'’t know. 706 00:32:10,537 --> 00:32:12,843 - Come on, Ed, tell me. - I don'’t know. 707 00:32:12,843 --> 00:32:14,628 - Come on, just tell me. - I don'’t know. 708 00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:16,108 I feel like we'’re turning into weird perverts. 709 00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:18,980 No, it'’s not perverted, it'’s interesting. 710 00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:20,590 I'’m curious. 711 00:32:20,590 --> 00:32:24,377 You know, five days ago, I felt like I hadn'’t 712 00:32:24,377 --> 00:32:25,682 had any life experiences, 713 00:32:25,682 --> 00:32:27,423 and if I had been diagnosed with cancer, 714 00:32:27,423 --> 00:32:29,948 I would'’ve felt like I hadn'’t lived. 715 00:32:29,948 --> 00:32:32,341 Did you just compare marrying me to being diagnosed with cancer? 716 00:32:32,341 --> 00:32:35,954 No, I'’m just saying that we need to get rid of our hang-ups. 717 00:32:35,954 --> 00:32:38,347 So I want to know the details. 718 00:32:39,609 --> 00:32:41,307 But, first... 719 00:32:43,918 --> 00:32:45,528 I want to have sex. 720 00:32:52,535 --> 00:32:54,668 [up-tempo music playing] 721 00:33:52,247 --> 00:33:54,119 Claire wanted to go shopping today. 722 00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:56,947 Is that all right? I know we talked about going to LACMA. 723 00:33:56,947 --> 00:33:58,558 No, it'’s fine, actually. 724 00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:00,125 I'’m... I'’m gonna help Carl with some lyrics. 725 00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:01,561 - He'’s got a new song. - Mm. 726 00:34:01,561 --> 00:34:03,824 - I'’m going to his house. - OK. 727 00:34:11,962 --> 00:34:14,095 [up-tempo music continues] 728 00:34:22,799 --> 00:34:24,497 ...writers on the staff who won'’t laugh 729 00:34:24,497 --> 00:34:26,412 unless it'’s their name on the script. 730 00:34:26,412 --> 00:34:28,327 But we can talk about this later. 731 00:34:41,427 --> 00:34:45,170 I'’m losing you a little bit. Uh-huh. 732 00:34:45,170 --> 00:34:46,823 Lou, Venita. You know Claire. 733 00:34:46,823 --> 00:34:49,826 - Yes, we'’ve met. - Strong grip there, honey. 734 00:34:49,826 --> 00:34:52,351 Let me call you back. 735 00:34:52,351 --> 00:34:54,309 OK, so, Carl, what'’s this all about? 736 00:34:54,309 --> 00:34:56,572 Yeah, what'’s the huge emergency? 737 00:34:56,572 --> 00:35:00,402 We think that we should have an intervention for Ed and Alice. 738 00:35:00,402 --> 00:35:03,188 - [blows air through lips] - [laughs] 739 00:35:03,188 --> 00:35:05,320 An intervention? 740 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,627 Why? Because they'’re having too much fun? Stop! 741 00:35:07,627 --> 00:35:09,411 They think they'’re having fun. 742 00:35:09,411 --> 00:35:11,326 They don'’t really see what'’s happening. 743 00:35:11,326 --> 00:35:12,980 And they'’re drifting apart. 744 00:35:12,980 --> 00:35:15,678 Yeah, they spend all their time with other people. 745 00:35:15,678 --> 00:35:17,419 Carl, you know, you really need to relax. 746 00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:19,073 Ed says it'’s working. 747 00:35:19,073 --> 00:35:21,467 Ed is becoming a sex addict. 748 00:35:21,467 --> 00:35:23,947 And Alice, she spends all her time 749 00:35:23,947 --> 00:35:26,036 with the contractor from the Kelner job. 750 00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:27,777 I feel for them. I do. 751 00:35:27,777 --> 00:35:30,998 Boo-hoo. My contractor has a big dick and he uses it. 752 00:35:30,998 --> 00:35:33,653 [laughs] 753 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:39,311 Nice laugh. Really. 754 00:35:39,311 --> 00:35:41,530 We are not going to stand by and watch 755 00:35:41,530 --> 00:35:44,316 as two people that we care about destroy something great. 756 00:35:44,316 --> 00:35:45,665 That'’s right. 757 00:35:45,665 --> 00:35:47,145 Their relationship is meant to last. 758 00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:50,104 It'’s... it'’s a rock. 759 00:35:50,104 --> 00:35:51,932 That'’s right. 760 00:35:51,932 --> 00:35:53,890 Sweetie, I don'’t mean to be an asshole, 761 00:35:53,890 --> 00:35:56,893 but really, aren'’t they doing what we all wish we could do? 762 00:35:56,893 --> 00:35:58,591 Yes! 763 00:35:58,591 --> 00:36:00,680 - No! - No! 764 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,638 I say yes. 765 00:36:02,638 --> 00:36:04,249 I don'’t know about you, they'’re having a fuck-a-thon over there. 766 00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:05,728 Sounds like it beats couples'’ therapy. 767 00:36:05,728 --> 00:36:06,773 Sure as hell is cheaper. 768 00:36:06,773 --> 00:36:08,644 - [snorts] - [laughing] 769 00:36:08,644 --> 00:36:10,907 Nice laugh, really. 770 00:36:10,907 --> 00:36:12,735 Can I go now, Carl? 771 00:36:27,272 --> 00:36:28,708 [man] What kind of music you like? 772 00:36:28,708 --> 00:36:30,100 Do you like Mariah Carey? 773 00:36:30,100 --> 00:36:32,886 Country? Reba McEntire? That kind of thing? 774 00:36:32,886 --> 00:36:37,412 I peg you as a Reba McEntire fan, am I wrong? 775 00:36:37,412 --> 00:36:39,022 OK, let'’s not even worry about that. 776 00:36:39,022 --> 00:36:41,895 This is a good stereo, but that'’s all. 777 00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,898 Now, I think I'’d like to move you up in something 778 00:36:44,898 --> 00:36:46,465 which is a little bit more expensive, 779 00:36:46,465 --> 00:36:48,380 but gives you a much fuller dynamic, 780 00:36:48,380 --> 00:36:50,599 you know, highs and lows. 781 00:36:50,599 --> 00:36:53,341 How much is the next step up? 782 00:36:53,341 --> 00:36:55,169 Listen to me, for $150, 783 00:36:55,169 --> 00:36:56,692 Mariah Carey'’s gonna sound... 784 00:36:56,692 --> 00:36:59,129 You'’re not gonna believe it. 785 00:36:59,129 --> 00:37:02,176 If you really wanna hear Mariah blasting those things, that thing that she does, 786 00:37:02,176 --> 00:37:04,091 you gotta go up here. You'’re gonna get... 787 00:37:04,091 --> 00:37:06,833 You'’ll get a bunch of useless knobs you'’ll never use. 788 00:37:08,443 --> 00:37:10,184 What kind of room do you see this being played in? 789 00:37:10,184 --> 00:37:13,100 In a dining room, or living room or bedroom, bathroom, kitchen... 790 00:37:13,100 --> 00:37:14,884 What do you see? 791 00:37:14,884 --> 00:37:16,669 What does that have to do with anything? 792 00:37:16,669 --> 00:37:18,714 You know, I just, I... 793 00:37:18,714 --> 00:37:23,241 I don'’t think I need such an expensive stereo. 794 00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,286 - I'’m just... - Of course you don'’t. 795 00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:26,548 You want something simple. 796 00:37:26,548 --> 00:37:29,508 You turn it on, you press play, right? 797 00:37:29,508 --> 00:37:32,032 Exactly. 798 00:37:38,430 --> 00:37:40,954 OK, what do you want to hear? 799 00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:44,479 Oh. Jake, what do you want to hear? 800 00:37:46,612 --> 00:37:49,528 Um, something pretty? 801 00:37:52,226 --> 00:37:53,662 [mouthing] 802 00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:57,362 [soft-tempo music playing] 803 00:37:57,362 --> 00:38:00,756 Oh, my. That sounds so beautiful. 804 00:38:00,756 --> 00:38:03,281 Isn'’t that great, Jake? 805 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,979 Yeah, buddy, now you can crank your Ludacris, 806 00:38:05,979 --> 00:38:07,372 drive your mom crazy, huh? 807 00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:17,556 That'’s not the way you'’re supposed to behave 808 00:38:17,556 --> 00:38:19,558 in front of guests! 809 00:38:27,783 --> 00:38:30,090 Do you want something to drink? 810 00:38:30,090 --> 00:38:31,787 Milk. 811 00:38:33,093 --> 00:38:34,703 I have that. 812 00:38:46,933 --> 00:38:50,240 Oh, he'’s... 813 00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:53,461 He'’s having a hard time with the divorce. 814 00:38:53,461 --> 00:38:55,289 Of course, he blames me. 815 00:38:57,422 --> 00:38:59,424 Well, do you have to hang these pictures up? 816 00:38:59,424 --> 00:39:04,385 Don'’t you think they kind of... bring morale down a bit? 817 00:39:05,952 --> 00:39:09,738 Yes. [takes deep breath, exhales] 818 00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:13,916 But I'’m trying to be accepting of his feelings. 819 00:39:20,706 --> 00:39:23,796 You seem like a real good mom. 820 00:39:23,796 --> 00:39:26,668 Oh, thanks. 821 00:39:27,887 --> 00:39:29,584 - Mr. Ed. - Johnny. 822 00:39:29,584 --> 00:39:30,629 - Nice to see you. - How are you? 823 00:39:30,629 --> 00:39:32,195 Very well. 824 00:39:32,195 --> 00:39:33,675 - They know you. - I come here all the time. 825 00:39:33,675 --> 00:39:34,981 [chuckles] 826 00:39:48,647 --> 00:39:50,518 You know what, this isn'’t going to work. 827 00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:52,607 You don'’t want to sit by your wife? 828 00:39:52,607 --> 00:39:55,567 - I, uh... - No, it'’s fine. 829 00:39:55,567 --> 00:39:58,091 Stay at this table, it'’s fine. 830 00:39:58,091 --> 00:40:01,007 - Really? - Yeah, we'’re adults. 831 00:40:01,007 --> 00:40:03,836 Ed, Donald. Donald, Ed. 832 00:40:05,533 --> 00:40:07,274 How'’s it going? 833 00:40:07,274 --> 00:40:09,276 - I'’ll just go ahead... - No, no, no, no... 834 00:40:09,276 --> 00:40:11,409 It'’s OK, John. Thank you. 835 00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,019 It'’s two. It'’s nice... 836 00:40:13,019 --> 00:40:16,065 - Just, can I have a... - Yeah... 837 00:40:26,467 --> 00:40:29,383 Ah, Lauren, Alice, Donald. 838 00:40:29,383 --> 00:40:31,167 Hi, Lauren. 839 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,561 You'’re his fiancée? 840 00:40:33,561 --> 00:40:38,174 - This is too weird. - It'’s crazy. 841 00:40:38,174 --> 00:40:41,264 You know, you should try the lobster risotto. 842 00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:43,789 - I don'’t want it. - If I get it, will you try it? 843 00:40:43,789 --> 00:40:45,530 - No. - Not even one bite? 844 00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:48,097 She doesn'’t like shellfish, Donald. 845 00:40:48,097 --> 00:40:51,144 I just think she could be a little more adventurous. 846 00:40:51,144 --> 00:40:54,495 Not that she isn'’t extremely adventurous. 847 00:40:54,495 --> 00:40:56,192 What'’s that suppose to mean? 848 00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:58,456 - This is too weird. - I know, it'’s OK. 849 00:40:58,456 --> 00:40:59,805 I promise you, it'’s OK. 850 00:40:59,805 --> 00:41:01,284 What'’s that supposed to mean? 851 00:41:01,284 --> 00:41:02,677 It just means the lobster risotto'’s fantastic. 852 00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:05,201 She doesn'’t like it. 853 00:41:05,201 --> 00:41:07,334 Are you sure? 854 00:41:09,379 --> 00:41:12,078 Excuse me. I got to go to the bathroom. 855 00:41:12,078 --> 00:41:13,993 Be right back. 856 00:41:15,385 --> 00:41:19,172 This is so weird. 857 00:41:19,172 --> 00:41:20,565 It'’s fine. Can we get some bread? 858 00:41:20,565 --> 00:41:21,914 You want some bread? Bread'’s good. 859 00:41:21,914 --> 00:41:23,568 What'’s he mean? She'’s adventurous? 860 00:41:23,568 --> 00:41:25,831 - It was a stupid comment. - I agree. 861 00:41:25,831 --> 00:41:28,224 What the hell are you two doing that he knows you'’re adventurous now? 862 00:41:28,224 --> 00:41:29,791 Nothing, it was a stupid comment. 863 00:41:29,791 --> 00:41:31,532 How many nights a week do you see this guy, Alice? 864 00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:32,838 You brought her. 865 00:41:32,838 --> 00:41:34,056 But this doesn'’t mean anything. 866 00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:35,797 Excuse me? 867 00:41:35,797 --> 00:41:38,757 You know, I told you my entire situation before. 868 00:41:38,757 --> 00:41:40,280 Please, this is my fiancée. 869 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:44,980 [scoffs] I'’m not playing your weird games! 870 00:41:46,025 --> 00:41:48,070 Bye! 871 00:41:48,070 --> 00:41:49,855 And I'’m not going to seat here and be humiliated 872 00:41:49,855 --> 00:41:51,813 in my favorite restaurant where they know my name. 873 00:41:51,813 --> 00:41:54,642 Your favorite restaurant? It'’s my favorite restaurant! 874 00:41:54,642 --> 00:41:56,949 I found it in the Zagat and you had to bring him! 875 00:41:56,949 --> 00:41:58,733 You brought her! 876 00:41:58,733 --> 00:42:00,213 Because I didn'’t think you'’d bring him! 877 00:42:07,612 --> 00:42:09,744 Thank you, sir. 878 00:42:14,009 --> 00:42:16,272 Donald, excuse me. I just need to go ask Ed something. 879 00:42:16,272 --> 00:42:18,187 Gotcha. 880 00:42:20,059 --> 00:42:21,756 How many women have you slept with? 881 00:42:21,756 --> 00:42:23,628 - Five. - Five? 882 00:42:23,628 --> 00:42:26,021 You'’re mad at me and you'’re talking five women. 883 00:42:26,021 --> 00:42:27,719 I'’m doing what we'’re suppose be doing, Alice. 884 00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:29,329 You said we should see other people. 885 00:42:29,329 --> 00:42:30,809 You'’re seeing other person. 886 00:42:30,809 --> 00:42:32,419 You'’re having a goddamn relationship. 887 00:42:32,419 --> 00:42:34,377 Don'’t you think I wanna be sleeping with other people? 888 00:42:34,377 --> 00:42:36,031 Instead, you are sleeping with other people, 889 00:42:36,031 --> 00:42:37,424 and you'’ve already slept with enough people. 890 00:42:37,424 --> 00:42:38,904 [horn honking] 891 00:42:38,904 --> 00:42:40,470 [Ed] I don'’t even know what that means. 892 00:42:40,470 --> 00:42:42,995 - It'’s not my fault! - Yeah, it is, kinda. 893 00:42:42,995 --> 00:42:45,737 Because it'’s really impossible to sleep with other people when we'’re living together. 894 00:42:45,737 --> 00:42:47,260 You know, it makes things really difficult. 895 00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:50,045 Oh, my God! I'’m really sorry about that, Alice! 896 00:42:50,045 --> 00:42:52,744 Is there anything else I can do to make your life more accommodable? 897 00:42:52,744 --> 00:42:54,659 Maybe I can blow my fucking brains out! 898 00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:56,399 Where is my car? 899 00:42:58,358 --> 00:42:59,838 You'’re being ridiculous. 900 00:42:59,838 --> 00:43:01,274 Hmm. 901 00:43:04,277 --> 00:43:06,322 Just for a little while, sweetie, 902 00:43:06,322 --> 00:43:09,804 and it will make our wedding night that much more exciting. 903 00:43:09,804 --> 00:43:13,678 How'’d we get there, Alice, OK? 904 00:43:13,678 --> 00:43:15,854 Because although I may not be in direct touch 905 00:43:15,854 --> 00:43:17,682 with the feeling right now, 906 00:43:17,682 --> 00:43:20,554 I know that I love you. 907 00:43:20,554 --> 00:43:22,425 And I love you, too. 908 00:43:30,085 --> 00:43:31,391 I'’ll call you later! 909 00:43:33,088 --> 00:43:36,222 [dog barking] 910 00:43:36,222 --> 00:43:37,919 It'’s gonna be a lot easier to get laid 911 00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:40,095 without Alice looking over my shoulder all the time. 912 00:43:40,095 --> 00:43:42,489 That'’s what I'’m talking about. Come on, step in, step in. 913 00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:44,622 Poppy'’s got an eye infection, and I don'’t want her to get out. 914 00:43:44,622 --> 00:43:47,015 Whoa! It'’s OK, girl. It'’s OK. 915 00:43:49,104 --> 00:43:52,368 - It'’s 37 inches. - OK. 916 00:43:52,368 --> 00:43:54,066 So now Donald calls me 15 times a day, 917 00:43:54,066 --> 00:43:55,633 and anytime I'’m on the computer, 918 00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,243 he sends me an instant message. 919 00:43:57,243 --> 00:43:58,984 I thought the whole point 920 00:43:58,984 --> 00:44:00,768 was for you to have sex with several different people, 921 00:44:00,768 --> 00:44:02,944 - not just Donald. - Yes, it was. It was. 922 00:44:02,944 --> 00:44:05,077 I don'’t know. 923 00:44:05,077 --> 00:44:06,818 I don'’t think you can have sex with lots of people at once. 924 00:44:06,818 --> 00:44:09,559 Maybe you could only have sex with one person. 925 00:44:09,559 --> 00:44:12,737 It was Ed, now it'’s Donald. 926 00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:14,608 But I have to make it into the double digits. 927 00:44:14,608 --> 00:44:16,697 This is my last chance to be a slut. 928 00:44:16,697 --> 00:44:18,177 [Donald] Knock-knock. 929 00:44:18,177 --> 00:44:21,746 - Hi, Donald. - Hi, Donald. 930 00:44:21,746 --> 00:44:23,051 What are you doing here? 931 00:44:24,357 --> 00:44:26,968 I just wanted to stop by and say hi. 932 00:44:28,274 --> 00:44:32,931 Nice. OK, I'’ll go away. 933 00:44:32,931 --> 00:44:35,847 Donald, it'’s really not a good time right now. 934 00:44:35,847 --> 00:44:37,979 So you don'’t want to hang out? 935 00:44:39,328 --> 00:44:40,852 Not really. 936 00:44:40,852 --> 00:44:42,767 Well, I was just in the neighborhood, 937 00:44:42,767 --> 00:44:45,508 so I thought I'’d come by and say hi. 938 00:44:45,508 --> 00:44:47,902 - Hi. - Hi. 939 00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:52,777 You know, I'’ve got this great bottle of cab at home, 940 00:44:52,777 --> 00:44:56,519 and some salmon steaks, maybe go grill them up? 941 00:44:57,869 --> 00:44:59,958 No, no... 942 00:45:02,134 --> 00:45:04,179 You look really cute today. 943 00:45:04,179 --> 00:45:06,007 Donald, please. 944 00:45:07,748 --> 00:45:09,750 Are you sure? I can make a great... 945 00:45:09,750 --> 00:45:12,318 - Yeah. No, I'’m pretty sure. - ...guacamole? 946 00:45:12,318 --> 00:45:14,581 - Fresh avocados. - Donald. 947 00:45:14,581 --> 00:45:16,365 You get those jeans at the Gap? 948 00:45:16,365 --> 00:45:18,019 Donald! 949 00:45:20,152 --> 00:45:21,588 [mouths] 950 00:45:23,111 --> 00:45:24,896 [meowing] 951 00:45:24,896 --> 00:45:26,593 [sniffs, clears throat] 952 00:45:26,593 --> 00:45:28,377 You OK, Lou? 953 00:45:28,377 --> 00:45:31,990 Yeah, just my allergies are killing me. 954 00:45:31,990 --> 00:45:33,818 What are you allergic to, pollen? 955 00:45:33,818 --> 00:45:35,210 No, cats. 956 00:45:35,210 --> 00:45:37,343 [meowing] 957 00:45:37,343 --> 00:45:38,736 Cats? 958 00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:43,044 Yeah. It'’s OK. It'’s OK. 959 00:45:43,044 --> 00:45:44,959 - You'’re allergic to cats? - Yep. 960 00:45:44,959 --> 00:45:47,092 Maybe you'’re not the type of guy 961 00:45:47,092 --> 00:45:48,876 that shoulda went out and bought all these cats. 962 00:45:48,876 --> 00:45:50,095 [chuckles] 963 00:45:50,095 --> 00:45:52,532 I love these cats! 964 00:45:52,532 --> 00:45:54,186 It'’s not their fault. 965 00:45:54,186 --> 00:45:56,101 It'’s not their fault I'’m allergic to them. 966 00:45:56,101 --> 00:45:57,667 What'’s the matter with you? 967 00:45:57,667 --> 00:45:59,234 Take it easy, don'’t go crazy on me. 968 00:45:59,234 --> 00:46:00,888 Oh, crazy. 969 00:46:00,888 --> 00:46:02,411 These cats didn'’t kick me out of the house 970 00:46:02,411 --> 00:46:04,544 so they could have sex with other cats, did they? 971 00:46:04,544 --> 00:46:07,242 She did not kick me out of the house, Lou. 972 00:46:07,242 --> 00:46:10,202 Fine, whatever. She politely asked you to leave 973 00:46:10,202 --> 00:46:11,943 so she could go get banged by some strangers. 974 00:46:11,943 --> 00:46:12,987 [sniffs] 975 00:46:19,037 --> 00:46:21,909 Ed, what are you doing here? You scared me. 976 00:46:23,868 --> 00:46:25,391 - I knew it! - What are you doing? 977 00:46:25,391 --> 00:46:27,175 - What are you doing? - I knew it. 978 00:46:27,175 --> 00:46:28,786 I get the granny panties, 979 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,483 the ones with the period stains and the broken elastic, 980 00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:31,745 - but not Donald! - Stop it! 981 00:46:31,745 --> 00:46:33,834 Donald gets lace! 982 00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:36,271 You never bought this stuff for me, Alice! 983 00:46:36,271 --> 00:46:37,751 You can'’t come here and do this, please. 984 00:46:37,751 --> 00:46:39,622 You know what? Give me the ones you'’re wearing! 985 00:46:39,622 --> 00:46:41,320 What? 986 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:42,843 Give me the ones you'’re wearing right now! 987 00:46:42,843 --> 00:46:46,629 - Give them to me. - I'’m not wearing any. 988 00:46:47,761 --> 00:46:49,850 What? 989 00:46:52,592 --> 00:46:55,377 Why wouldn'’t you wear any underpants? 990 00:46:57,292 --> 00:46:59,381 I wanted to see if it felt sexy. 991 00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:02,471 Yeah? Does it? 992 00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,647 Yeah, it does. 993 00:47:04,647 --> 00:47:06,345 Sexy. 994 00:47:16,442 --> 00:47:18,139 I miss you, Alice. 995 00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,664 I miss you, too. 996 00:47:21,664 --> 00:47:25,016 - Really? - Yeah, I miss you. 997 00:47:25,016 --> 00:47:27,583 [laughing] 998 00:47:27,583 --> 00:47:30,673 Can we invite Donald to our wedding? 999 00:47:30,673 --> 00:47:33,285 That'’s not funny, of course not! 1000 00:47:33,285 --> 00:47:35,417 It'’s funny! 1001 00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:38,725 Can we stop this? This is stupid! 1002 00:47:38,725 --> 00:47:41,510 I'’ve been living at Lou'’s house for three weeks. 1003 00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:44,122 Three weeks! Everyone we know thinks we'’re crazy! 1004 00:47:44,122 --> 00:47:47,690 You wanna know why? Because we'’re fucking crazy doing this! 1005 00:47:47,690 --> 00:47:49,779 [phone ringing] 1006 00:47:51,564 --> 00:47:54,219 Hey, Alice, you weren'’t answering yourself. 1007 00:47:54,219 --> 00:47:56,482 It'’s Donald. 1008 00:47:56,482 --> 00:47:59,833 Sitting here feeling kinda low, got a glass of white zin. 1009 00:47:59,833 --> 00:48:01,879 - Thinking about you. - [slow music playing] 1010 00:48:01,879 --> 00:48:04,098 He'’s listening to girl music, this guy. 1011 00:48:04,098 --> 00:48:05,926 This guy... This is how you sow your wild oats? 1012 00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:07,710 Ed. 1013 00:48:07,710 --> 00:48:10,496 - Ed, don'’t... - It'’s OK. It'’s all right. 1014 00:48:10,496 --> 00:48:14,369 Hey, Donald, buddy, I'’m here for you. It'’s Ed. 1015 00:48:14,369 --> 00:48:16,589 Ed, Alice'’s fiancé. 1016 00:48:16,589 --> 00:48:20,854 The guy she just got done having hot sex with. 1017 00:48:20,854 --> 00:48:23,901 He doesn'’t wanna talk to me? 1018 00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:26,599 Donald, it'’s not really a good time, OK? 1019 00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:28,818 See, Ed, this is exactly why we can'’t stop right now, 1020 00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:30,820 because I'’ve only slept with Donald, 1021 00:48:30,820 --> 00:48:32,344 and I can'’t only sleep with Donald. 1022 00:48:32,344 --> 00:48:36,087 I need to get away from Donald so that I can be wild. 1023 00:48:36,087 --> 00:48:38,176 If you can just... a little bit, Ed. 1024 00:48:38,176 --> 00:48:39,394 Come on, it'’s easy for you, 1025 00:48:39,394 --> 00:48:41,222 you'’ve had lots of meaningless sex. 1026 00:48:41,222 --> 00:48:42,789 Yeah, that'’s the whole point. 1027 00:48:42,789 --> 00:48:45,052 It'’s meaningless. 1028 00:48:45,052 --> 00:48:47,141 I can'’t stand it, it'’s so meaningless. 1029 00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:56,107 [sighs] 1030 00:48:56,107 --> 00:48:57,195 Donald? 1031 00:48:59,197 --> 00:49:01,503 Are you crying, Donald? 1032 00:49:04,419 --> 00:49:06,508 [dog barking] 1033 00:49:08,293 --> 00:49:10,599 - Hey. - Hey. 1034 00:49:12,906 --> 00:49:15,039 [snarling] 1035 00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:16,866 [chuckles] 1036 00:49:21,219 --> 00:49:23,656 [meowing] 1037 00:50:01,346 --> 00:50:02,869 [cat meowing] 1038 00:50:02,869 --> 00:50:06,220 Whiskers! Get out! 1039 00:50:08,962 --> 00:50:11,443 - Hey, man. - What'’s up? 1040 00:50:11,443 --> 00:50:14,489 I just found this under the bed. 1041 00:50:14,489 --> 00:50:16,274 Rebecca'’s favorite pair of shoes. 1042 00:50:16,274 --> 00:50:18,319 [chuckles] 1043 00:50:18,319 --> 00:50:22,367 She said she liked the way it made her ass look. 1044 00:50:22,367 --> 00:50:25,022 I'’ll never forget the look on her face 1045 00:50:25,022 --> 00:50:27,328 when Buster chewed these up and then she hit the roof. 1046 00:50:27,328 --> 00:50:29,287 [cat meowing, dog barking] 1047 00:50:33,726 --> 00:50:37,860 [crying] I really thought we had something, Ed. 1048 00:50:37,860 --> 00:50:39,775 I thought she was the one, man. 1049 00:50:39,775 --> 00:50:41,560 [crying] 1050 00:50:46,304 --> 00:50:49,133 Hey... Come on, man. 1051 00:50:49,133 --> 00:50:51,396 Lou. 1052 00:50:51,396 --> 00:50:53,137 Lou, come on, buddy. 1053 00:50:53,137 --> 00:50:55,922 You dumped hundreds of girls, man. 1054 00:50:55,922 --> 00:51:00,013 Lou! You'’ve dumped so many girls, it'’s unbelievable. 1055 00:51:00,013 --> 00:51:03,451 So one dumped you, what'’s the big deal, right? 1056 00:51:03,451 --> 00:51:07,325 Come on, man. What'’s the big deal? 1057 00:51:10,893 --> 00:51:13,505 Yeah, I guess you'’re right. Who gives a shit? 1058 00:51:13,505 --> 00:51:15,507 Let'’s go get some fucking breakfast. 1059 00:51:17,204 --> 00:51:19,206 Pigs in a blanket and hash browns for me. 1060 00:51:19,206 --> 00:51:21,078 Isn'’t this a great way to start the day? 1061 00:51:22,427 --> 00:51:25,256 Here you go. Are you guys ready to order? 1062 00:51:25,256 --> 00:51:27,084 That was not squeezed on the small machine, 1063 00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:30,391 I specifically asked for juice squeezed on the small machine. 1064 00:51:30,391 --> 00:51:31,523 - It was... - Hey! 1065 00:51:31,523 --> 00:51:32,741 I need juice to start my day, 1066 00:51:32,741 --> 00:51:34,743 and I need it squeezed fresh. 1067 00:51:34,743 --> 00:51:36,223 That means right now on the small machine. 1068 00:51:36,223 --> 00:51:37,659 It doesn'’t come from a bottle, 1069 00:51:37,659 --> 00:51:38,965 it doesn'’t come from a can, 1070 00:51:38,965 --> 00:51:40,184 it doesn'’t come from a container. 1071 00:51:40,184 --> 00:51:41,402 It comes from fucking fruit, 1072 00:51:41,402 --> 00:51:43,143 the little orange thing in the kitchen? 1073 00:51:43,143 --> 00:51:45,580 - Lou, what'’s the big deal? - It is a big deal! 1074 00:51:45,580 --> 00:51:47,147 All right. The sour one'’s gonna fuck up my stomach. 1075 00:51:47,147 --> 00:51:48,409 In fact, can you get it out of my sight please, 1076 00:51:48,409 --> 00:51:51,108 and give me what I asked for? 1077 00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:53,371 I'’m gonna keep mine. It'’s excellent. 1078 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,731 I'’m really sorry he yelled at you like that. 1079 00:52:05,731 --> 00:52:10,953 It'’s OK. We get a lot of Hollywood assholes in here. 1080 00:52:10,953 --> 00:52:12,955 I hate when I let them get to me. 1081 00:52:14,218 --> 00:52:15,828 Right. 1082 00:52:17,569 --> 00:52:19,397 You seem sad. 1083 00:52:19,397 --> 00:52:23,140 I seem sad? You'’re the one that'’s crying. 1084 00:52:23,140 --> 00:52:25,838 No, I mean really sad. 1085 00:52:32,975 --> 00:52:37,415 - I'’m Sandy. - Hi, Sandy, I'’m Ed. 1086 00:52:37,415 --> 00:52:39,721 Hi. 1087 00:52:43,377 --> 00:52:46,946 [boy] Mom, I want more pancakes! 1088 00:52:46,946 --> 00:52:50,297 Are you sure you want more pancakes? You'’ve had ten. 1089 00:52:50,297 --> 00:52:52,125 I'’m hungry. 1090 00:52:52,125 --> 00:52:54,997 I'’m not making you more unless you'’re gonna eat more. 1091 00:52:54,997 --> 00:52:56,956 I'’m still hungry. 1092 00:52:58,175 --> 00:52:59,567 Fine. 1093 00:53:03,745 --> 00:53:07,488 Actually, I'’m full. 1094 00:53:07,488 --> 00:53:11,275 - I cracked the egg! - I'’m full! 1095 00:53:11,275 --> 00:53:12,667 Do you think that I'’m your slave, 1096 00:53:12,667 --> 00:53:15,975 that I exist to waste food on you! 1097 00:53:15,975 --> 00:53:17,194 Hey, I'’ll eat the egg. 1098 00:53:17,194 --> 00:53:19,196 You know what? No more seconds. 1099 00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:21,502 No more seconds anymore for the rest of your life 1100 00:53:21,502 --> 00:53:23,200 for the rest of the time that you live in this house! 1101 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,333 Do you un... Oh, I'’m so sorry, honey. Come here. 1102 00:53:26,333 --> 00:53:29,118 I'’m sorry. Oh, man! I'’m sorry. 1103 00:53:29,118 --> 00:53:30,816 I don'’t mean to lose my temper. 1104 00:53:30,816 --> 00:53:34,080 Jake, Carl, do you please accept my apology? 1105 00:53:40,042 --> 00:53:41,522 [door slams] 1106 00:53:41,522 --> 00:53:44,090 Your mom'’s having a tough time. 1107 00:53:44,090 --> 00:53:47,049 Maybe that'’s because you wrestle her every night. 1108 00:53:50,618 --> 00:53:52,925 I'’m gonna go make that egg. 1109 00:53:55,797 --> 00:53:57,799 I can'’t believe she wants to get rid of 1110 00:53:57,799 --> 00:53:59,061 these mature plantings. 1111 00:53:59,061 --> 00:54:00,759 I mean they'’re so beautiful. 1112 00:54:00,759 --> 00:54:04,676 She wants to devalue the house for the divorce settlement. 1113 00:54:04,676 --> 00:54:06,982 Yeah, but then the plants are caught in the middle. 1114 00:54:06,982 --> 00:54:09,376 I know. 1115 00:54:09,376 --> 00:54:10,682 It'’s Donald. I don'’t believe this. 1116 00:54:10,682 --> 00:54:14,033 He is so needy. It'’s suffocating. 1117 00:54:17,210 --> 00:54:19,517 - Donald. - Alice. 1118 00:54:19,517 --> 00:54:22,694 Hi, are you... 1119 00:54:22,694 --> 00:54:23,956 I didn'’t know you were working here. 1120 00:54:23,956 --> 00:54:25,958 So I guess this is just a coincidence? 1121 00:54:25,958 --> 00:54:27,829 It'’s, uh... 1122 00:54:27,829 --> 00:54:30,528 Donny, right on time! 1123 00:54:30,528 --> 00:54:34,183 I have something for you, and I know you'’re gonna like it. 1124 00:54:34,183 --> 00:54:36,621 [chuckling] 1125 00:54:38,318 --> 00:54:40,407 We'’ll talk later. 1126 00:54:43,410 --> 00:54:47,371 Guess he'’s a little needier than you thought. 1127 00:54:47,371 --> 00:54:49,503 [Alice] You'’re seeing three other women besides me? 1128 00:54:49,503 --> 00:54:52,419 Look, I love women, 1129 00:54:52,419 --> 00:54:55,204 and Elise is going through a very difficult time right now. 1130 00:54:55,204 --> 00:54:58,556 She'’s... a very sexy woman, but she'’s feeling undesirable. 1131 00:54:58,556 --> 00:55:01,994 - I can'’t believe this. - Hey, you'’re engaged. 1132 00:55:01,994 --> 00:55:03,996 Yes, and you know I'’m engaged. 1133 00:55:03,996 --> 00:55:06,259 I didn'’t know that you'’re seeing other people. 1134 00:55:06,259 --> 00:55:09,088 I didn'’t think you'’d care. You never even stay over my house. 1135 00:55:09,088 --> 00:55:11,569 Can'’t you get one of these other women to stay over your house? 1136 00:55:11,569 --> 00:55:13,048 Sometimes, but... 1137 00:55:13,048 --> 00:55:15,007 I don'’t like sleeping alone at night. 1138 00:55:15,007 --> 00:55:17,923 Oh, my God. You are so needy! 1139 00:55:17,923 --> 00:55:20,273 And for some reason, I'’m feeling jealous. 1140 00:55:20,273 --> 00:55:22,797 I mean this is absolutely crazy. I don'’t even like you, and I'’m feeling jealous. 1141 00:55:22,797 --> 00:55:24,321 Really? You'’re jealous? 1142 00:55:24,321 --> 00:55:26,148 I'’m suppose to be out having adventures, 1143 00:55:26,148 --> 00:55:28,281 but now I'’m stuck with this guy who bugs me 1144 00:55:28,281 --> 00:55:30,109 and is sneaking around behind my back. 1145 00:55:30,109 --> 00:55:32,372 Look, if you'’re asking for a commitment... 1146 00:55:32,372 --> 00:55:34,200 - What? - I don'’t know if I'’m ready. 1147 00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:35,897 I'’m not asking for commitment, Donald, 1148 00:55:35,897 --> 00:55:37,638 I am breaking up with you, OK? 1149 00:55:37,638 --> 00:55:40,641 I'’m breaking up with whatever this is that we have. 1150 00:55:45,472 --> 00:55:48,432 Don'’t do this to me! 1151 00:55:48,432 --> 00:55:50,085 [cars racing over TV] 1152 00:55:50,085 --> 00:55:52,218 Yes. Oh. 1153 00:55:52,218 --> 00:55:54,481 Can I ask you something without you taking it the wrong way? 1154 00:55:54,481 --> 00:55:56,048 I hope so. 1155 00:55:56,048 --> 00:55:58,050 Isn'’t it kind of strange 1156 00:55:58,050 --> 00:55:59,878 what you and your fiancée are doing? 1157 00:55:59,878 --> 00:56:02,446 Come on, anything else. I don'’t wanna talk about that. 1158 00:56:02,446 --> 00:56:04,012 - Come on. - Shoot. 1159 00:56:04,012 --> 00:56:06,145 But you are getting married. 1160 00:56:06,145 --> 00:56:08,277 November third. 1161 00:56:08,277 --> 00:56:10,584 Does that bother you? 1162 00:56:12,281 --> 00:56:13,457 No. 1163 00:56:13,457 --> 00:56:16,721 Yay! 1164 00:56:16,721 --> 00:56:19,332 Yes! 1165 00:56:19,332 --> 00:56:22,379 I'’m sorry, but somebody had to take you out of your misery. 1166 00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:24,250 Oh. 1167 00:56:24,250 --> 00:56:25,860 You'’re doing it. 1168 00:56:25,860 --> 00:56:27,906 OK, let'’s go again. 1169 00:56:27,906 --> 00:56:29,255 [cars racing] 1170 00:56:29,255 --> 00:56:31,039 [door shuts] 1171 00:56:31,039 --> 00:56:32,911 [Carl] Hey. 1172 00:56:32,911 --> 00:56:34,478 I gotta start making this cake 1173 00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:36,175 if we'’re gonna have it by dessert. 1174 00:56:36,175 --> 00:56:38,307 Some old lady said it was really cute 1175 00:56:38,307 --> 00:56:39,744 that I was buying cake flour. 1176 00:56:46,315 --> 00:56:47,795 It'’s from Jake. 1177 00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,279 "Dear Penelope, 1178 00:56:53,279 --> 00:56:55,542 I am sorry to say I cannot spend Jake'’s birthday with you. 1179 00:56:55,542 --> 00:56:58,850 I'’ve met someone else and am head over heels in love with her. 1180 00:56:58,850 --> 00:57:00,808 Sincerely, Carl." 1181 00:57:00,808 --> 00:57:02,636 That'’s hilarious. 1182 00:57:06,031 --> 00:57:09,164 It would be if it weren'’t so sad. 1183 00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:12,733 I just... 1184 00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:14,387 I think it'’s a bad idea for us 1185 00:57:14,387 --> 00:57:16,694 to be seeing each other every night. 1186 00:57:19,479 --> 00:57:21,438 But I love you. 1187 00:57:22,613 --> 00:57:24,832 You do? 1188 00:57:24,832 --> 00:57:29,010 [sighs] I love you, too. 1189 00:57:31,970 --> 00:57:34,451 Jake, can I talk to you? 1190 00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:40,631 I saw that note that you wrote. 1191 00:57:40,631 --> 00:57:42,241 My mom showed it to you? 1192 00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:49,988 Your mom is sad because you don'’t like me. 1193 00:57:49,988 --> 00:57:52,164 I understand why you don'’t like me. 1194 00:57:52,164 --> 00:57:55,123 I was a little older than you when my parents got divorced. 1195 00:57:55,123 --> 00:57:59,301 - For good? - For good? 1196 00:57:59,301 --> 00:58:01,826 Yeah, they got divorced for good. 1197 00:58:01,826 --> 00:58:04,872 Because people sometimes get back together. 1198 00:58:06,047 --> 00:58:10,399 Not usually. Pretty much never. 1199 00:58:16,667 --> 00:58:20,845 When my parents split up, I went into my room, 1200 00:58:20,845 --> 00:58:24,109 and I tried to learn everything I could about baseball. 1201 00:58:24,109 --> 00:58:27,155 I memorized the baseball encyclopedia. 1202 00:58:27,155 --> 00:58:30,202 - No way. - Yes way. 1203 00:58:30,202 --> 00:58:34,380 How many consecutive games did Cal Ripken, Jr. play? 1204 00:58:34,380 --> 00:58:37,688 - 2,632. - That'’s easy. 1205 00:58:37,688 --> 00:58:40,255 Who hit the most home runs in the Federal League? 1206 00:58:40,255 --> 00:58:44,346 Uh, Dutch Zwilling, 33. 1207 00:58:44,346 --> 00:58:46,305 You know about the Federal League? 1208 00:58:48,263 --> 00:58:49,787 [Jake] He knows everything. 1209 00:58:49,787 --> 00:58:53,355 Who has the longest hit streak over two seasons? 1210 00:58:55,488 --> 00:58:58,926 Let'’s see, that would be George Sisler, 1211 00:58:58,926 --> 00:59:04,976 September 3, 1924 to April 28, 1925. 1212 00:59:04,976 --> 00:59:07,282 Thirty-five games. 1213 00:59:07,282 --> 00:59:08,762 Wrong. 1214 00:59:09,850 --> 00:59:12,113 What? 1215 00:59:12,113 --> 00:59:15,856 - Come on, let me... - OK, OK. It was right. 1216 00:59:15,856 --> 00:59:19,164 - [laughs] - You almost got me there. 1217 00:59:19,164 --> 00:59:21,427 '’Cause I thought it could'’ve been Albert Drewsher. 1218 00:59:21,427 --> 00:59:25,344 - Who'’s that? - He'’s another guy. 1219 00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:30,349 You know, Ed and I barely talked for the last six weeks, 1220 00:59:30,349 --> 00:59:33,134 and it'’s weird, I'’m kind of scared to call him now. 1221 00:59:33,134 --> 00:59:35,789 - I'’m having an affair. - What? 1222 00:59:35,789 --> 00:59:38,705 - What? You'’re one to talk. - A secret affair? 1223 00:59:38,705 --> 00:59:40,707 Right. The usual kind. 1224 00:59:40,707 --> 00:59:42,579 - With who? - No one you know. 1225 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,450 - It'’s fabulous. - What'’s fabulous? 1226 00:59:44,450 --> 00:59:48,149 These tomatoes that Alice grew in her garden. 1227 00:59:48,149 --> 00:59:51,675 They'’re called sweet 100s, you should try one. 1228 00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,241 Mm. 1229 00:59:55,156 --> 00:59:57,506 Oh. 1230 00:59:57,506 --> 01:00:02,120 Mm, mm. My God, you'’re right. 1231 01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,905 Jesus, it'’s just a tomato. 1232 01:00:07,212 --> 01:00:10,868 Do you know the water'’s perfect. I recommend a swim. 1233 01:00:10,868 --> 01:00:12,826 Mm, that is just what I need. 1234 01:00:12,826 --> 01:00:14,480 - Can I borrow a suit? - Yeah. 1235 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:16,525 OK. 1236 01:00:19,528 --> 01:00:21,530 No, thank you. 1237 01:00:36,241 --> 01:00:37,938 [humming] 1238 01:00:37,938 --> 01:00:40,201 Peter. [chuckles] What... 1239 01:00:41,463 --> 01:00:43,030 - Please, please. - What? 1240 01:00:43,030 --> 01:00:45,076 I want you so badly. 1241 01:00:45,076 --> 01:00:48,209 I can'’t do this to Claire. No, Peter! Peter! 1242 01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:50,777 [laughing] Claire doesn'’t care! 1243 01:00:50,777 --> 01:00:53,737 Oh, Alice, be the bad girl. 1244 01:00:53,737 --> 01:00:57,523 - Be the bad gal with me. - No, Peter. No. 1245 01:01:01,222 --> 01:01:02,702 Shit. 1246 01:01:06,488 --> 01:01:08,186 Sandy'’s got a friend from college, 1247 01:01:08,186 --> 01:01:09,883 they wanna have a three-way with me. 1248 01:01:09,883 --> 01:01:12,669 - You'’re kidding, when? - This weekend. 1249 01:01:12,669 --> 01:01:15,019 She'’s totally hot, too. I saw a picture of her. 1250 01:01:15,019 --> 01:01:17,369 She'’s an erotic artist or something. 1251 01:01:17,369 --> 01:01:20,502 Buddy, nice! Your life just gets better and better, doesn'’t it? 1252 01:01:20,502 --> 01:01:23,157 [phone ringing] 1253 01:01:23,157 --> 01:01:25,420 Hello? Alice. 1254 01:01:26,944 --> 01:01:29,207 What are you doing? 1255 01:01:29,207 --> 01:01:31,339 I'’m at Lou'’s. Are you OK? 1256 01:01:32,993 --> 01:01:34,778 I'’m on my way, yeah. 1257 01:01:34,778 --> 01:01:36,344 I'’m sorry. I have to go. 1258 01:01:36,344 --> 01:01:38,782 [meows] 1259 01:01:38,782 --> 01:01:40,479 - Don'’t let the cats out. - [glass shatters] 1260 01:01:40,479 --> 01:01:42,873 - [Ed] Oh! - [Alice] Yeah. 1261 01:01:42,873 --> 01:01:45,527 I always knew Peter had a thing for you. 1262 01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:47,051 I knew it. 1263 01:01:47,051 --> 01:01:49,923 I'’m so creeped out. I didn'’t lead him on. 1264 01:01:49,923 --> 01:01:52,883 I know you didn'’t. You'’re just being yourself. 1265 01:01:52,883 --> 01:01:55,581 He'’s... Ugh, what a creep. 1266 01:01:55,581 --> 01:01:58,584 You know what, Ed? I wanna stop this now. 1267 01:01:58,584 --> 01:02:01,630 I want you to come home. 1268 01:02:01,630 --> 01:02:03,937 - Now? - Yeah. 1269 01:02:03,937 --> 01:02:05,896 I thought the deal was 1270 01:02:05,896 --> 01:02:08,159 we see other people until we get married? 1271 01:02:08,159 --> 01:02:10,552 I know, and... 1272 01:02:10,552 --> 01:02:14,687 I guess I thought we could have sex with other people 1273 01:02:14,687 --> 01:02:16,341 and maintain our relationship, 1274 01:02:16,341 --> 01:02:18,909 but I mean, there just isn'’t enough time in the day, 1275 01:02:18,909 --> 01:02:21,215 there'’s not enough emotional space. 1276 01:02:21,215 --> 01:02:23,174 It'’s ridiculous. 1277 01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:28,657 I think we should stick to the original agreement, sweetie. 1278 01:02:30,703 --> 01:02:35,577 Well, I'’m really worried about what'’s happening with us. 1279 01:02:35,577 --> 01:02:37,928 What'’s happening with us? We'’re fine. 1280 01:02:37,928 --> 01:02:41,845 How often do we sit on the couch together, this is nice. 1281 01:02:43,194 --> 01:02:45,457 You'’re seeing someone. 1282 01:02:45,457 --> 01:02:47,111 I'’m seeing other people, that'’s what you wanted to do. 1283 01:02:47,111 --> 01:02:48,852 It was your idea that we see other people. 1284 01:02:48,852 --> 01:02:51,071 - That'’s what I'’m doing. - Right, now I wanna stop. 1285 01:02:51,071 --> 01:02:53,813 Well, I don'’t think it'’s fair that you 1286 01:02:53,813 --> 01:02:57,382 tell me to stop just because things didn'’t work out with you and Donald. 1287 01:02:57,382 --> 01:03:01,168 - So what'’s her name, Ed? - Who? 1288 01:03:01,168 --> 01:03:05,607 - Your girlfriend. - My girlfriend? 1289 01:03:05,607 --> 01:03:07,261 What'’s her name? 1290 01:03:07,261 --> 01:03:11,091 Sandy, and she'’s not my girlfriend at all. 1291 01:03:11,091 --> 01:03:12,745 That'’s what I like about it, Alice. 1292 01:03:12,745 --> 01:03:14,965 Well, I'’m telling you that we need to stop this now! 1293 01:03:14,965 --> 01:03:16,705 I don'’t think it'’s fair at all, 1294 01:03:16,705 --> 01:03:17,837 that you get to stop and start everything 1295 01:03:17,837 --> 01:03:19,404 whenever you want to. Do you? 1296 01:03:19,404 --> 01:03:20,797 - So leave! - Leave? 1297 01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:22,189 Yes, get out! 1298 01:03:22,189 --> 01:03:24,409 No! I'’m not leaving. 1299 01:03:24,409 --> 01:03:25,845 Why are you still sitting here 1300 01:03:25,845 --> 01:03:27,586 when you could be having fun with Sandy? 1301 01:03:29,370 --> 01:03:32,591 I don'’t... I don'’t know why I'’m here either, 1302 01:03:32,591 --> 01:03:34,114 because I'’d rather be with Sandy. 1303 01:03:34,114 --> 01:03:36,290 [chuckles] Great. 1304 01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,655 [sniffles] 1305 01:03:57,529 --> 01:03:58,922 Ow! 1306 01:04:08,583 --> 01:04:10,368 [tool box opening] 1307 01:04:19,072 --> 01:04:20,247 [grunts] 1308 01:04:25,078 --> 01:04:27,776 Do you wanna go spy on Ed and his new girlfriend with me? 1309 01:04:29,561 --> 01:04:31,215 Hell, yeah. 1310 01:04:39,049 --> 01:04:41,051 I just want an objective opinion. 1311 01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:48,623 Did it come out yet? 1312 01:04:48,623 --> 01:04:49,973 No! 1313 01:04:51,931 --> 01:04:53,933 That is one ugly shirt. 1314 01:04:55,239 --> 01:04:58,242 Oh, yeah. The kid made it for me. 1315 01:04:58,242 --> 01:05:00,374 I washed it, but it still bleeds. 1316 01:05:00,374 --> 01:05:02,202 [laughs] 1317 01:05:02,202 --> 01:05:05,379 Hey, I got some good news. 1318 01:05:05,379 --> 01:05:08,426 Penelope'’s pregnant. We'’re getting married. 1319 01:05:08,426 --> 01:05:11,472 - Oh, my God! Wow! Nice! - Thanks. 1320 01:05:11,472 --> 01:05:16,390 - Wow! How pregnant is she? - Eighteen days. 1321 01:05:16,390 --> 01:05:18,218 It'’s still not coming. 1322 01:05:18,218 --> 01:05:20,655 Eighteen days, that'’s not very pregnant. 1323 01:05:20,655 --> 01:05:23,136 Well, it'’s pregnant enough for us. 1324 01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:26,531 Oh, yeah. Of course. 1325 01:05:26,531 --> 01:05:28,837 I can'’t believe you'’re gonna have a kid before I am. 1326 01:05:30,187 --> 01:05:32,667 Well, get on the band wagon. 1327 01:05:32,667 --> 01:05:35,322 You know, Sandy'’s nice, but she'’s no Alice. 1328 01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:38,978 What you and Alice had was really good. 1329 01:05:38,978 --> 01:05:41,328 I think you'’re getting greedy. 1330 01:05:45,463 --> 01:05:48,988 Sandy'’s got a friend from college. 1331 01:05:48,988 --> 01:05:50,947 Tonight, we'’re gonna have a three-way. 1332 01:05:52,513 --> 01:05:55,603 - Really? - Yeah. 1333 01:05:57,431 --> 01:06:00,173 Oh, look at this! Get in the clown'’s mouth! 1334 01:06:01,783 --> 01:06:05,004 Oh, man, you can'’t compete with that. 1335 01:06:05,004 --> 01:06:07,050 He'’s back in college. 1336 01:06:07,050 --> 01:06:10,140 She doesn'’t want promises, she doesn'’t want answers. 1337 01:06:10,140 --> 01:06:12,316 She just wants to eat, sleep and fuck. 1338 01:06:14,100 --> 01:06:16,102 You are stoned. 1339 01:06:16,102 --> 01:06:18,278 Yes, but I have stoner clarity. 1340 01:06:22,369 --> 01:06:25,285 Let'’s get out of here. 1341 01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:28,027 I'’ll get the car, you return the clubs. 1342 01:06:48,961 --> 01:06:51,007 Alice, what are you doing here? 1343 01:06:51,007 --> 01:06:52,399 - You still love me, right? - Of course he does. 1344 01:06:52,399 --> 01:06:54,053 I'’m talking to Ed! 1345 01:06:54,053 --> 01:06:56,621 Or do you just wanna eat, sleep and fuck? 1346 01:06:56,621 --> 01:06:58,057 She said "fuck." 1347 01:06:58,057 --> 01:06:59,580 Come on, sweetie, let'’s go play... 1348 01:06:59,580 --> 01:07:01,974 - One second, Mom. - Alice, you gotta settle down. 1349 01:07:01,974 --> 01:07:03,497 Don'’t... Don'’t tell me to settle down. 1350 01:07:03,497 --> 01:07:06,152 Don'’t touch me, you asshole! 1351 01:07:06,152 --> 01:07:07,936 Wow! Looks like somebody couldn'’t handle 1352 01:07:07,936 --> 01:07:09,982 seeing other people after all! 1353 01:07:09,982 --> 01:07:13,116 - Don'’t push me, Ed, OK? - Don'’t push you? - No, Ed! Don'’t! 1354 01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:14,639 You'’re gonna hit me with a golf club, that'’s so un-Alice. 1355 01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:15,944 - Stop it, Ed! - What'’re you gonna do, hit me? 1356 01:07:15,944 --> 01:07:19,078 - Stop it! Stop it! - Ow! Fuck! 1357 01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:20,819 They both said "fuck." 1358 01:07:20,819 --> 01:07:22,908 Come on, let'’s get some ice cream, I'’ll buy. 1359 01:07:22,908 --> 01:07:24,431 Can I have cappuccino? 1360 01:07:24,431 --> 01:07:25,824 You can have whatever you want. 1361 01:07:25,824 --> 01:07:28,174 It was nice seeing you, Alice. 1362 01:07:29,654 --> 01:07:32,048 I can'’t take this anymore. 1363 01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:35,573 If you don'’t stop now, it'’s over. 1364 01:07:35,573 --> 01:07:38,054 Honestly, Alice, 1365 01:07:38,054 --> 01:07:42,362 I don'’t even know how I feel anymore. 1366 01:07:42,362 --> 01:07:43,885 I don'’t know. 1367 01:07:50,631 --> 01:07:52,503 [crying] You don'’t wanna be with me anymore? 1368 01:07:52,503 --> 01:07:54,374 I don'’t... I don'’t... 1369 01:07:58,422 --> 01:07:59,727 What? 1370 01:07:59,727 --> 01:08:01,860 Are we... Do you not... 1371 01:08:01,860 --> 01:08:03,949 - I don'’t know. - Do you not want to be with me? 1372 01:08:03,949 --> 01:08:05,255 I don'’t know. I think... 1373 01:08:07,822 --> 01:08:11,913 Are we... Are we breaking up? 1374 01:08:11,913 --> 01:08:14,046 I think we already had. 1375 01:08:15,221 --> 01:08:16,918 [sobbing] 1376 01:08:21,619 --> 01:08:24,491 [Claire] God, it'’s so ironic! 1377 01:08:24,491 --> 01:08:26,928 You and Ed were so happy, 1378 01:08:26,928 --> 01:08:29,540 and you completely destroyed it. 1379 01:08:29,540 --> 01:08:32,717 You know, Peter and I can barely stand each other, 1380 01:08:32,717 --> 01:08:36,024 and our thing just keeps dragging on and on. 1381 01:08:36,024 --> 01:08:38,114 It'’s so ironic. 1382 01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:40,942 [laughs] You never even got to be a bad girl. 1383 01:08:40,942 --> 01:08:43,684 You never even got to number five. 1384 01:08:43,684 --> 01:08:46,992 Oh, sweetie, honey... 1385 01:08:46,992 --> 01:08:48,733 I'’ll take you home. 1386 01:08:48,733 --> 01:08:51,388 First I have to stop at the bank. 1387 01:08:55,653 --> 01:08:57,307 Five years I was with her! 1388 01:08:57,307 --> 01:08:59,396 Five years! I was gonna marry that loon! 1389 01:08:59,396 --> 01:09:01,441 And then she attacks me with a golf club in the arm 1390 01:09:01,441 --> 01:09:05,010 in front of freaking children, no less! 1391 01:09:05,010 --> 01:09:06,577 You know, maybe tonight isn'’t a good night 1392 01:09:06,577 --> 01:09:08,753 for the three-way with Miranda. 1393 01:09:08,753 --> 01:09:11,495 Oh, I disagree. I think it'’ll be OK, I really do. 1394 01:09:11,495 --> 01:09:13,061 - Are you sure? - Was I shouting? 1395 01:09:13,061 --> 01:09:15,325 - Yeah. - I'’m sorry. 1396 01:09:15,325 --> 01:09:18,023 [bubbling] 1397 01:09:21,244 --> 01:09:23,942 So how do you guys know each other from? 1398 01:09:27,293 --> 01:09:28,773 We went to Harvard together. 1399 01:09:28,773 --> 01:09:30,905 You went to Harvard? 1400 01:09:30,905 --> 01:09:32,994 Yeah. 1401 01:09:32,994 --> 01:09:37,085 - You'’re a writer? - Sort of... television. 1402 01:09:37,085 --> 01:09:39,610 You know David Gelman? 1403 01:09:45,006 --> 01:09:46,617 Yeah, I know David. 1404 01:09:52,100 --> 01:09:54,451 [door bell rings] 1405 01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,854 Hi. 1406 01:10:08,465 --> 01:10:11,903 I rented this car so no one would see us. 1407 01:10:25,786 --> 01:10:27,527 Oh! 1408 01:10:30,574 --> 01:10:33,403 - Let'’s fuck. - Yeah, let'’s. 1409 01:10:36,362 --> 01:10:39,191 - What'’s that? - What do you think? 1410 01:10:39,191 --> 01:10:40,627 I mean, I know what it is. 1411 01:10:40,627 --> 01:10:42,716 But what do you plan on doing with it? Jack off? 1412 01:10:42,716 --> 01:10:46,111 No, while you'’re fucking Sandy, I'’ll be fucking you. 1413 01:10:46,111 --> 01:10:47,199 [Sandy laughs] 1414 01:10:47,199 --> 01:10:49,332 No, no, no! 1415 01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:52,857 No, no, no! No, no! 1416 01:10:52,857 --> 01:10:54,511 You'’re not sticking that in my ass, no way! No! 1417 01:10:54,511 --> 01:10:56,077 But it'’s OK if you stick your dick up my ass? 1418 01:10:56,077 --> 01:10:57,949 What are you talking about? 1419 01:10:57,949 --> 01:10:59,559 That'’s five times the size of any cock I'’ve ever seen. 1420 01:10:59,559 --> 01:11:01,257 I thought you said he had an open mind. 1421 01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:02,954 He does, come on. 1422 01:11:02,954 --> 01:11:04,999 Open enough to screw around on his fiancée, 1423 01:11:04,999 --> 01:11:07,915 but not open enough for a true exploration of sexuality. 1424 01:11:07,915 --> 01:11:10,135 I don'’t see how you putting a dildo in my ass 1425 01:11:10,135 --> 01:11:12,703 is a true exploration of my sexuality. 1426 01:11:12,703 --> 01:11:14,705 You'’re so goddam suburban. 1427 01:11:14,705 --> 01:11:17,011 As soon as sex stops looking like a porn video, 1428 01:11:17,011 --> 01:11:20,319 you recoil and hide behind centuries of missionary position dogma. 1429 01:11:20,319 --> 01:11:22,930 What are you talking about? What is she talking about? 1430 01:11:22,930 --> 01:11:27,065 I'’m trying to redefine the psycho-sexual dynamic 1431 01:11:27,065 --> 01:11:29,937 that exists only to shore up a crumbling gender identity. 1432 01:11:29,937 --> 01:11:33,289 If you just wanna fuck, then get someone else. 1433 01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:34,899 We'’re gonna get someone else. 1434 01:11:37,641 --> 01:11:40,121 [Miranda] Fucking asshole! 1435 01:11:41,384 --> 01:11:44,996 Wow! That was a boner killer. 1436 01:11:44,996 --> 01:11:47,825 Yeah, she was like that at school, too. 1437 01:11:47,825 --> 01:11:51,568 Really? Now what? 1438 01:11:51,568 --> 01:11:54,135 Let'’s get a burger. 1439 01:11:56,181 --> 01:11:58,836 Do you know... Do you know any other girls? 1440 01:11:58,836 --> 01:12:02,709 There was a salad you once made. I don'’t know what was in it, 1441 01:12:02,709 --> 01:12:05,059 I think it was an herb mix. 1442 01:12:05,059 --> 01:12:07,758 Let'’s go home. I think I'’m gonna throw up. 1443 01:12:07,758 --> 01:12:09,629 Oh. 1444 01:12:12,980 --> 01:12:14,721 Have you ever smoked crack? 1445 01:12:14,721 --> 01:12:18,029 No... no. 1446 01:12:18,029 --> 01:12:21,337 I think tonight would be a good night to smoke some crack. 1447 01:12:22,947 --> 01:12:26,559 - Together? - Mm-hmm, yeah. 1448 01:12:26,559 --> 01:12:28,039 [Sandy] How do you open the pen on this thing? 1449 01:12:28,039 --> 01:12:29,736 [Ed] Here, I'’ll do it, OK? 1450 01:12:29,736 --> 01:12:31,999 Please. Do you know where you'’re going? 1451 01:12:31,999 --> 01:12:33,958 Yeah. 1452 01:12:33,958 --> 01:12:35,960 How often you smoke crack? 1453 01:12:35,960 --> 01:12:38,832 Not that often. Not every day. 1454 01:12:40,443 --> 01:12:42,270 You know what? I changed my mind. 1455 01:12:42,270 --> 01:12:43,794 I don'’t wanna do this anymore. 1456 01:12:43,794 --> 01:12:45,361 Come on, Ed, it'’s no big deal. It'’ll be fun. 1457 01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:47,188 How often do you smoke crack? 1458 01:12:47,188 --> 01:12:49,408 Miranda was right about you. You'’re a fucking square! 1459 01:12:49,408 --> 01:12:51,845 I'’m a fucking square? 1460 01:12:51,845 --> 01:12:53,804 I'’m starting to think you'’re a fucking crackhead! 1461 01:12:53,804 --> 01:12:58,112 What'’s the big deal? Drugs should be legal anyway! 1462 01:12:58,112 --> 01:13:00,506 [crying] 1463 01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:08,819 I thought you were different. I thought you would understand. 1464 01:13:08,819 --> 01:13:10,603 Understand what? What? 1465 01:13:10,603 --> 01:13:11,822 [urinating] 1466 01:13:11,822 --> 01:13:13,519 [crying] 1467 01:13:13,519 --> 01:13:16,609 - What'’s to understand? - I'’m sick of it! 1468 01:13:16,609 --> 01:13:18,916 I am sick of all these bullshit expectations 1469 01:13:18,916 --> 01:13:21,309 people put on me! 1470 01:13:21,309 --> 01:13:24,704 My sister is such a cunt! [cries] 1471 01:13:24,704 --> 01:13:26,967 Get your bitch under control, dude. 1472 01:13:26,967 --> 01:13:28,578 Hey! 1473 01:13:28,578 --> 01:13:31,232 Hey, let'’s go home, please. 1474 01:13:33,887 --> 01:13:37,195 I wanna have some fun. 1475 01:13:37,195 --> 01:13:40,851 [kissing, breathing heavily] 1476 01:13:42,766 --> 01:13:44,985 Do you want to put on a condom? 1477 01:13:44,985 --> 01:13:47,292 I think it would be hot. 1478 01:13:47,292 --> 01:13:50,948 - If that'’s what you want. - Yes. 1479 01:14:00,784 --> 01:14:03,003 Damn it, hold... 1480 01:14:03,003 --> 01:14:05,528 - That'’s OK, I'’ll... - No, it'’s OK. I got it. 1481 01:14:06,703 --> 01:14:08,661 It'’s just... [chuckles] 1482 01:14:08,661 --> 01:14:11,708 - Really, forget about it. - Peter! I'’m opening it! 1483 01:14:11,708 --> 01:14:13,710 - OK. OK. - Yeah, I'’ve got it. 1484 01:14:15,973 --> 01:14:18,497 Just... 1485 01:14:18,497 --> 01:14:20,368 Oh, shit! 1486 01:14:20,368 --> 01:14:22,980 [sighs] You know what... 1487 01:14:22,980 --> 01:14:25,765 As hard as I try to be a used-up watery piece of meat, 1488 01:14:25,765 --> 01:14:29,465 it just doesn'’t work. I'’m a relationship person. 1489 01:14:42,956 --> 01:14:45,481 How about a blow job? 1490 01:14:53,445 --> 01:14:56,230 Oh, crap. 1491 01:14:56,230 --> 01:14:59,016 - Claire'’s here. You gotta go! - What? 1492 01:14:59,016 --> 01:15:01,409 Claire'’s here, right outside. Go! Go! 1493 01:15:01,409 --> 01:15:03,890 [yelps] Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! 1494 01:15:03,890 --> 01:15:05,675 Oh, Lord! 1495 01:15:05,675 --> 01:15:07,764 She'’s gonna divorce me and take all the money! 1496 01:15:07,764 --> 01:15:10,070 No. No, no. 1497 01:15:10,070 --> 01:15:13,030 Oh, goddamn. Shit! 1498 01:15:13,030 --> 01:15:14,161 Go! 1499 01:15:23,606 --> 01:15:26,304 Don'’t let my hard on scare you. 1500 01:15:26,304 --> 01:15:28,611 He'’s your friend. 1501 01:15:30,743 --> 01:15:33,354 There he is. 1502 01:15:35,661 --> 01:15:37,794 - Where the fuck you'’ve been? - Relax, Ricky. 1503 01:15:37,794 --> 01:15:39,752 - Who the fuck is this? - You have any rock? 1504 01:15:39,752 --> 01:15:41,537 You'’re real piece of work, you know that? 1505 01:15:41,537 --> 01:15:42,581 I'’ve been fucking trying to call you all week. 1506 01:15:42,581 --> 01:15:44,191 I'’ve been busy. 1507 01:15:44,191 --> 01:15:46,237 You ever heard of this thing called a phone? 1508 01:15:46,237 --> 01:15:47,499 That'’s why I bought the fucking thing for you. 1509 01:15:47,499 --> 01:15:49,022 Your crack dealer bought you a phone? 1510 01:15:49,022 --> 01:15:50,763 I'’m not a crack dealer, asshole. 1511 01:15:50,763 --> 01:15:52,460 - I'’m her fucking boyfriend. - Shut up, Ricky! 1512 01:15:52,460 --> 01:15:53,897 At least I am when you want to get fucking high! 1513 01:15:53,897 --> 01:15:56,421 Do you have any rock, yes or no? 1514 01:15:56,421 --> 01:15:59,163 I got rock, yeah. 1515 01:15:59,163 --> 01:16:01,557 But you ain'’t getting a fucking crumb. 1516 01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:03,776 Fucking crazy bitch! 1517 01:16:03,776 --> 01:16:06,083 Hey, look, I'’ll pay for the crack. 1518 01:16:06,083 --> 01:16:07,171 Oh, I'’m gonna beat your ass, you little bitch. 1519 01:16:07,171 --> 01:16:09,477 - Come on! - Oh! 1520 01:16:09,477 --> 01:16:11,349 Goddamn golf club! 1521 01:16:11,349 --> 01:16:13,264 [up-tempo music playing] 1522 01:16:18,530 --> 01:16:19,749 - [screams] - Get in! 1523 01:16:19,749 --> 01:16:21,968 Goddamn it! 1524 01:16:21,968 --> 01:16:24,231 [engine starts] 1525 01:16:24,231 --> 01:16:25,668 Jesus! 1526 01:16:25,668 --> 01:16:27,626 [tires squeal] 1527 01:16:28,975 --> 01:16:30,977 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1528 01:16:30,977 --> 01:16:33,023 Look at all this crack. This is so much rock! 1529 01:16:33,023 --> 01:16:35,765 I don'’t want any fucking rock! 1530 01:16:41,205 --> 01:16:43,424 Let'’s go to the bedroom and fuck. Come on. 1531 01:16:43,424 --> 01:16:45,339 - [Claire] You wanna go to bed? - Yeah. 1532 01:16:45,339 --> 01:16:46,950 Why don'’t you fuck me on that table right there? 1533 01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:48,473 Tables are good. 1534 01:16:48,473 --> 01:16:50,823 Ooh, you dirty little thing. 1535 01:16:50,823 --> 01:16:53,609 Come on. I'’ll fuck you on that table. 1536 01:16:53,609 --> 01:16:55,828 You ready for it? 1537 01:16:55,828 --> 01:16:57,438 [Claire] Give it to me on the table. 1538 01:16:57,438 --> 01:16:58,875 Get them out. 1539 01:16:58,875 --> 01:17:01,442 - Stop it! - [screams] 1540 01:17:01,442 --> 01:17:04,445 Jesus fucking Christ! 1541 01:17:04,445 --> 01:17:06,926 [stammering] What are you doing here? 1542 01:17:06,926 --> 01:17:09,146 I live here. 1543 01:17:09,146 --> 01:17:11,409 Right, but I thought you were going to Santa Barbara... 1544 01:17:11,409 --> 01:17:13,498 Well, I changed my mind, OK? 1545 01:17:13,498 --> 01:17:17,110 And his is who you'’re having an affair with? Lou? 1546 01:17:17,110 --> 01:17:18,895 Yeah. 1547 01:17:18,895 --> 01:17:20,766 Why don'’t you just go to his house? 1548 01:17:20,766 --> 01:17:22,681 We'’re both allergic to my cats. 1549 01:17:22,681 --> 01:17:24,030 I don'’t care, you guys gotta go. 1550 01:17:24,030 --> 01:17:25,553 - [thudding] - [Peter] Bollocks! 1551 01:17:25,553 --> 01:17:28,339 - What the hell was that? - What is that... 1552 01:17:29,383 --> 01:17:31,559 Alice? 1553 01:17:31,559 --> 01:17:34,345 Please leave! Just get out of here! 1554 01:17:34,345 --> 01:17:36,303 - [groans] - [gasps] 1555 01:17:37,522 --> 01:17:38,741 [scoffs] 1556 01:17:38,741 --> 01:17:40,612 [Lou] No shirt and no bottoms. 1557 01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:43,310 Is there a worse look for a man? 1558 01:17:44,616 --> 01:17:46,923 You threw out the wrong clothes. 1559 01:17:46,923 --> 01:17:48,881 [sighs] 1560 01:17:48,881 --> 01:17:51,710 Santa Barbara, interesting. 1561 01:17:56,541 --> 01:17:59,718 You just ran another red light, no one'’s even chasing us! 1562 01:17:59,718 --> 01:18:01,372 Don'’t go pussy on me, Ed! 1563 01:18:01,372 --> 01:18:03,374 Pull over, right now! 1564 01:18:03,374 --> 01:18:05,898 I'’m driving! It'’s my car, I'’m driving! Pull over! 1565 01:18:05,898 --> 01:18:08,248 [brakes squeal] 1566 01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:13,689 Hey! Hey! 1567 01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:16,039 Oh, shit! 1568 01:18:16,039 --> 01:18:19,172 I... ah, the fucking three-way! 1569 01:18:20,260 --> 01:18:22,219 [screams] 1570 01:18:22,219 --> 01:18:23,873 [Claire] I mean, I'’m really not shocked. 1571 01:18:23,873 --> 01:18:26,049 It'’s always been obvious that he has a thing for you 1572 01:18:26,049 --> 01:18:29,356 but what surprises me is that either of you had the balls to go through with it! 1573 01:18:29,356 --> 01:18:31,837 I'’m so bloody sick of you always talking about balls! 1574 01:18:31,837 --> 01:18:33,883 Congratulations, Claire! 1575 01:18:33,883 --> 01:18:36,015 You'’ve got bigger balls than all of us! 1576 01:18:36,015 --> 01:18:39,453 - Nothing happened tonight. - Obviously, Alice. 1577 01:18:39,453 --> 01:18:42,718 I mean you'’re... You'’re Alice. Alice doesn'’t fuck her sister'’s husband... 1578 01:18:42,718 --> 01:18:45,546 Look, I'’m not trying to make excuses, OK? 1579 01:18:45,546 --> 01:18:47,940 But you were really insensitive in the car today, 1580 01:18:47,940 --> 01:18:50,247 and I just felt like, fuck it! 1581 01:18:50,247 --> 01:18:51,335 Fuck what? 1582 01:18:51,335 --> 01:18:52,771 Fuck you! 1583 01:18:52,771 --> 01:18:55,905 Fuck you, fuck me, fuck everything! 1584 01:18:55,905 --> 01:18:57,297 I just wanted to feel... 1585 01:18:57,297 --> 01:18:59,560 I just wanted to feel worthless 1586 01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,389 and degraded and repulsive. 1587 01:19:02,389 --> 01:19:04,827 And Peter called. 1588 01:19:04,827 --> 01:19:06,350 [Lou laughing] 1589 01:19:06,350 --> 01:19:08,221 [Peter] What? 1590 01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:12,530 Ow! It hurts! 1591 01:19:12,530 --> 01:19:15,794 [Sandy indistinct yelling] 1592 01:19:15,794 --> 01:19:18,144 I'’ll sue your asses! 1593 01:19:19,189 --> 01:19:20,277 Fuck! 1594 01:19:20,277 --> 01:19:21,713 [indistinct chatter over radio] 1595 01:19:21,713 --> 01:19:24,324 She went to Harvard. 1596 01:19:28,067 --> 01:19:30,330 Which way'’s west? 1597 01:19:30,330 --> 01:19:34,247 [Sandy] Don'’t touch my ass, I will sue your ass. 1598 01:19:34,247 --> 01:19:37,207 Ow, that hurts! 1599 01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:40,776 Fuckers! 1600 01:19:45,476 --> 01:19:48,087 I still think you'’re gay. 1601 01:19:48,087 --> 01:19:54,050 Trying oral sex once when I was 15 does not make me gay! 1602 01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:55,747 I'’m British. 1603 01:19:55,747 --> 01:19:58,532 I know, you'’re so damn proud of it. 1604 01:19:58,532 --> 01:20:00,708 [knocking] 1605 01:20:07,150 --> 01:20:08,716 [knocking] 1606 01:20:12,546 --> 01:20:13,983 Donald, what are you doing here? 1607 01:20:13,983 --> 01:20:18,204 You left this magazine at my house. 1608 01:20:18,204 --> 01:20:20,816 And you had to bring it back at 5:30 in the morning? 1609 01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:24,515 You know, every time I see it, it makes me sad. 1610 01:20:24,515 --> 01:20:26,822 Well, throw it in the recycling bin, Donald! 1611 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,999 Well, you know, since I'’m here, 1612 01:20:29,999 --> 01:20:31,827 I just wanted to say that in defense of myself... 1613 01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:33,306 I can'’t! No, Donald! 1614 01:20:33,306 --> 01:20:35,482 [laughing] I can'’t... 1615 01:20:35,482 --> 01:20:38,746 You know, when you knocked on the door, I thought it was Ed. 1616 01:20:38,746 --> 01:20:40,836 And I don'’t even know what would I would'’ve done if it was Ed, 1617 01:20:40,836 --> 01:20:43,751 because I screwed everything up so badly. 1618 01:20:43,751 --> 01:20:45,014 Oh. 1619 01:20:47,059 --> 01:20:50,019 I didn'’t realize you had all these people in your house. 1620 01:20:50,019 --> 01:20:53,805 You know, I'’ll IM you later. 1621 01:20:53,805 --> 01:20:57,243 Here'’s your magazine. 1622 01:20:57,243 --> 01:20:58,505 Bye. 1623 01:21:04,468 --> 01:21:06,600 You know, I just... 1624 01:21:06,600 --> 01:21:08,994 I just wanted a little bit of sex, you know? 1625 01:21:08,994 --> 01:21:11,344 Is that... Is that so terrible? 1626 01:21:11,344 --> 01:21:14,260 I just... I didn'’t mean to screw everything up. 1627 01:21:14,260 --> 01:21:16,219 I didn'’t mean to ruin everything. 1628 01:21:16,219 --> 01:21:19,526 You know, when Ed and I were together, 1629 01:21:19,526 --> 01:21:21,180 sometimes on Saturday nights, 1630 01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:25,445 we would just stay in and watch movies and do our laundry, 1631 01:21:25,445 --> 01:21:30,973 and it sounds boring, and it was boring, but it was fun. 1632 01:21:30,973 --> 01:21:33,149 And it was nice, and it was good! 1633 01:21:33,149 --> 01:21:34,759 That'’s why you two 1634 01:21:34,759 --> 01:21:36,282 have to really think about what you'’re doing 1635 01:21:36,282 --> 01:21:39,938 before you just throw everything away, you know? 1636 01:21:39,938 --> 01:21:45,726 Because it'’s really hard to find a safe place in this world. 1637 01:21:45,726 --> 01:21:48,294 A place where you can just stay in on a Saturday night 1638 01:21:48,294 --> 01:21:51,645 and do your laundry. 1639 01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:57,695 We don'’t do our own laundry. 1640 01:22:00,828 --> 01:22:02,395 Right. 1641 01:22:05,007 --> 01:22:07,357 [door closes] 1642 01:22:16,279 --> 01:22:18,107 [car engine starts] 1643 01:22:20,848 --> 01:22:23,329 [Claire] That'’s what you rented to have an affair? 1644 01:22:23,329 --> 01:22:25,157 They didn'’t have any sedans. 1645 01:22:25,157 --> 01:22:27,290 You should try bumping it up to the full size. 1646 01:22:27,290 --> 01:22:29,988 Piss off! You, too! 1647 01:22:36,690 --> 01:22:40,259 Hi, Claire. What'’s up, Lou? 1648 01:23:05,023 --> 01:23:07,808 [engine starts, car drives away] 1649 01:23:22,475 --> 01:23:27,611 I'’ve been carrying these around for three weeks. 1650 01:23:27,611 --> 01:23:31,136 I had to use a couple. 1651 01:23:31,136 --> 01:23:33,008 Three actually. 1652 01:23:38,056 --> 01:23:41,407 [car approaching] 1653 01:23:48,936 --> 01:23:50,851 [snickers] 1654 01:24:00,470 --> 01:24:04,039 [sprinklers spraying] 115592