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1
00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:11,070
Hey.
2
00:00:11,110 --> 00:00:13,990
If we have to listen,
you have to listen.
3
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,040
Well, I just loved it, Emme.
4
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,780
I loved it, too. I don't think
I'll ever forget it.
5
00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:27,560
I can't wait for my recital.
6
00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,960
It's a two-hour concert, Adam.
7
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,870
What if she's the best one?
8
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,050
Uh, we'll boo.
9
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,630
Other people's kids need
to know the truth.
10
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,360
Oh, hey, Katie,
by the way,
11
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:43,070
there's a new
Godzilla movie out.
12
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,890
What?
13
00:00:44,930 --> 00:00:47,020
I said there's
a new Godzilla movie out.
14
00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:48,850
We've been to every one.
You want to go this weekend?
15
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:50,850
Thanks, but I'm okay.
16
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:54,040
Well, I know you're okay,
17
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:55,850
I was just wondering
if you want to see a movie.
18
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,640
What?
19
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,080
Never mind.
20
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:06,260
"I'm okay"?
What the heck is "I'm okay"?
21
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,260
"I'm okay"
is a nice way of saying,
22
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:12,170
"I'd rather do nothing alone
than something with you."
23
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:15,480
She used to love doing stuff
with me.
24
00:01:15,530 --> 00:01:17,480
Well, I'll see
the movie with you.
25
00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:21,010
Eh, thanks, but I'm okay.
26
00:01:21,050 --> 00:01:23,010
Honey, don't take it
personally, all right?
27
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,810
Maybe she doesn't like
Godzilla movies anymore.
28
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,190
[scoffs]
Andi, everybody likes Godzilla.
29
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,030
Not me. I-I don't get it.
30
00:01:31,060 --> 00:01:34,200
I-Is he a dinosaur, a-a dragon?
31
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,420
Maybe he destroys cities 'cause
he doesn't know what he is.
32
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:41,160
He was created
by an atomic explosion.
33
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,120
See, the radiation--
Y-You know what?
34
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,900
I'm not explaining it
to you again.
35
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,040
Look, honey, Kate's
getting older.
36
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,040
Okay? You're the parent.
37
00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,000
It's your job to figure out
how to connect with her.
38
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,090
Yeah, I just need to find
something we have in common.
39
00:01:56,130 --> 00:02:00,090
Used to be Godzilla,
now I have no idea.
40
00:02:01,270 --> 00:02:02,920
Planet of the Apes,maybe?Eh...
41
00:02:04,970 --> 00:02:07,530
Hey, Dad, can you drop me at
the mall after school tomorrow?
42
00:02:12,410 --> 00:02:13,930
N-No problem.
43
00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:15,860
I am always here for you.
44
00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:18,810
Hey, how about
a hug? Huh? Aww.
45
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:20,940
Huh...?
46
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,810
That was no hug.
47
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:27,130
It's like she bumped into me
by accident.
48
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,510
Yeah, the good hug
days are over.
49
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,860
If it makes you feel any better,
50
00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:32,390
I don't get them
anymore, either.
51
00:02:32,430 --> 00:02:35,560
You know what? It does not
make me feel any better.
52
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:40,310
You're not gonna believe
this. I won the lottery.
53
00:02:40,350 --> 00:02:43,130
Oh, my God. How much?
54
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:44,830
The barbecue ribs lottery.
55
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,790
Oh, my God. How much?
56
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,140
What is a ribs lottery?
57
00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:51,360
I-It's for Frank's
Underground Barbecue.
58
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,750
He's a backyard chef
who randomly texts people
59
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,930
from his list when
a new batch of ribs is ready--
60
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:57,670
if you're not gonna know
about Godzilla,
61
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,550
at least know about Frank.
62
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,420
Oh. This is the perfect way
to connect with Katie.
63
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:04,630
She loves ribs.
64
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,940
Yeah, you know,
when she was little,
65
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:07,720
I used to take her
for barbecue on my motorcycle.
66
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,900
You put my baby on the
back of your motorcycle?
67
00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,520
Come pick them up with me.
68
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,340
We can put the ribs
in Emme's old car seat.
69
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,650
Safety first.
70
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,700
Check out those ribs, Andi.
71
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,650
You know, you look at cows,
and they're kind of ugly,
72
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,050
but when you chop them up
into little pieces,
73
00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,830
they're beautiful.ADAM [laughs]:
Yeah.
74
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,670
You know, we almost didn't
find Frank's Barbecue.
75
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,360
We had to follow the smoke
in the sky,
76
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,970
like when they choose
a new pope. [chuckles]
77
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:35,270
Yeah.
78
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,880
Katie, look,
I got all your favorites.
79
00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:41,110
Ribs, mac and cheese,
pork and beans.
80
00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:43,890
Actually, I'm a vegan now.
81
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:46,940
What?
82
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:49,900
I'm a vegan.
I don't eat meat anymore.
83
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:52,070
Why?
84
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,380
Wait,
85
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:54,730
we can do that?
86
00:03:54,770 --> 00:03:55,990
You always say we have
to eat whatever Mom makes,
87
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:57,560
even if it's gross.
88
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,730
Like her Andi Patties.
89
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,430
Why won't you tell us
what's in them?
90
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,390
Because I want you to eat them.
91
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,610
So you're a vegan now, huh?
92
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,230
Good for you.
I call Kate's ribs.
93
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,440
Oh, no, no, no.
94
00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:15,800
Look, honey, we don't allow
vegans in this house.
95
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,100
Okay? When you're older,
and you build a house
96
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:21,190
with yourbare hands,
you can let vegans in it.
97
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:22,800
You didn't build this house.
98
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,710
I installed the icemaker.
99
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,020
Adam,
100
00:04:28,070 --> 00:04:31,020
what I'm hearing is that Kate
has a new interest,
101
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,030
which you might be interested in
connecting to.
102
00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,250
I can't connect to that.
103
00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:38,470
She eats plants.
104
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:41,210
I eat food you have to hunt.
105
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:43,430
It's a cow, Adam.
106
00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:47,080
I didn't say it was hard.
107
00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:56,130
♪
108
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,620
So is vegan like vegetarian?
109
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:01,400
Uh, what things can't you eat?
110
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:05,580
Well, there's meat, fish,
cheese, milk, butter.
111
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:07,290
But those are all the things.
112
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,460
They showed us a documentary
about it at school,
113
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,980
and if you guys could've seen
the faces on those animals,
114
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,760
you'd agree with me.
115
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:17,460
This is a terrible idea.
Think of your mother.
116
00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:20,120
She's gonna have to cook two
different dinners every night.
117
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,640
Well, you could cook one.
118
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,900
I am on your side, here.
119
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,950
Don, help me out?
120
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,530
No can do.
The ribs are kicking in.
121
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,740
Time to take a meat nap.
122
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,970
Mom,
123
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,000
Emme and I decided
to only eat cake now.
124
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:39,050
If Kate gets to go vegan,
than we get to go caken.
125
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:43,620
Well, my Andi Patties could be
made of cake. You don't know.
126
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,620
I think they're made of ear wax.
127
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,460
Okay, go upstairs, please.
128
00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:51,150
You see?
129
00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:54,930
Your vegan kick has started
a house-wide rebellion.
130
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,020
If you'd just watch the
documentary with me,
131
00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:57,330
you'd get it.
132
00:05:57,370 --> 00:05:59,030
Look, I brought home a copy.
133
00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:03,900
"Apocalypse Cow"?
134
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,990
Thanks, but I'm okay.
135
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,660
This is your chance
to connect with her.
136
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,870
Yeah, well,
I don't agree with her,
137
00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:14,870
I am top of the food chain.
138
00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:18,090
When a cow installs an icemaker,
I will stop eating it.
139
00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:22,140
You don't have to really be
interested, you just fake it.
140
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,920
Like, like, I do when Teddy
tells me about his video games.
141
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,460
"Mom, I zapped a space trooper."
142
00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:30,540
"That's great honey." Hug.
143
00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:34,060
You think if I watch that movie
with Katie, she'll hug me?
144
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,940
She might go full koala.
145
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:40,720
All right, I'll try it.
146
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,940
Remember when the kids were
all over us all the time?
147
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,600
Maybe we should
have another baby.
Really?
148
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:54,860
No, no, I'll try this.
149
00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:57,040
Before we start,
I just want you to know
150
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,090
it means a lot
that you'll watch this with me.
151
00:06:59,130 --> 00:07:01,480
Hey, I like spending time
with you.
152
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,350
But this movie is not
gonna change how I feel.
153
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,490
I know how the sausage is made,
and it's delicious.
154
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,750
[crying]: I did not know
how the sausage was made.
155
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,970
And why'd they name the
chickens after famous people?
156
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,410
That just made us sadder
when they got eaten.
157
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:22,380
Poor Anne Hatch-away.
158
00:07:22,410 --> 00:07:24,980
And what about her
husband, Eggy Van Halen?
159
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:29,560
He's heartbroken,
she was the one.
160
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,220
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but I'm done with meat.
161
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,040
What?
I mean it, Katie.
162
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,470
I'm going vegan with you.
163
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,560
Really?
164
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,430
I love you, Dad.
165
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,560
I love you, honey.
166
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,440
Oh, oh, are we done? Okay.
167
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,440
Hey, I'll get Mom to do it, too.
168
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,270
You're the best.
169
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,280
Brace yourself.
I've got big news.
170
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,410
Katie hugged me.
171
00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,500
Aww, that's great.
172
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:05,200
And all you had to do
was fake some interest.
173
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,720
Parenting's easy.
174
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,370
That's the other thing.
I'm not faking.
175
00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:11,110
I am going vegan.
176
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,990
[laughs]:
Yeah, right.
177
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:14,550
I am.
178
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,560
Oh, also, I told her
you'd do it too.What?
179
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,040
It bought me another hug,
I'm not sorry.
180
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,300
What-- s-so now if I don't
do it, I look like a jerk.
181
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,390
All you had to do was fake it.
182
00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:27,130
I couldn't.
The movie was too powerful.
183
00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:29,520
There was this cow,
his name was Paul MooCartney--
184
00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,530
and... and do you know
what veal is?
185
00:08:32,570 --> 00:08:35,750
How can we be Parmesan-ing
those little guys?
186
00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:38,010
So Kate really hugged you?
187
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,410
[chuckles]:
Yeah, like this.
188
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:47,590
Last time I got a hug like that,
I had to buy her a phone.
189
00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:50,110
But even then she hugged
the phone tighter.
190
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,370
Okay, I'll do it.
191
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:53,980
Oh, this is gonna be so great.
192
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:56,330
We'll be healthier,
happier and huggier.
193
00:08:56,380 --> 00:08:58,340
Okay, but-but, hey,
I just, I need to know
194
00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:00,380
that you're really committed.Well...
[scoffs]
195
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:01,440
Don't you remember
when you promised
196
00:09:01,470 --> 00:09:02,910
to do couples yoga with me?
197
00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:04,120
You didn't even make it
through one class.
198
00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:07,300
That lady touched my rear end.
199
00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:10,660
She was the instructor,
and she was adjusting your pose.
200
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,090
She made it halfway
to third base, Andi.
201
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,270
But this isn't like that.
202
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:17,350
I promise, I am fully committed.
203
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,270
Okay.
204
00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:20,880
Okay.
Wait.
205
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,320
You do know that going vegan
means no more McNuggets, right?
206
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,150
I hadn't thought of that.
207
00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,320
[grunts]
I can do it.
208
00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:36,290
So here's what we've prepared
for your first vegan experience.
209
00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:39,290
Yeah. These nuggets
are made of tofu,
210
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,730
so they're chick-none nuggets.
211
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:44,250
Okay? They taste just
like chicken, but wet.
212
00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:47,300
Eat it like an oyster.
213
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:49,870
And this is macaroni
and cashew cheese.
214
00:09:49,910 --> 00:09:53,650
Yeah, all the fun of cashews,
but in a paste.
215
00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:56,870
So you're trying
to feed me nut cheese?
216
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,350
Look, I know
it's a big adjustment,
217
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,310
but there is an upside.
218
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,540
We get to act superior by
telling everybody we're vegan.
219
00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,200
And we're saving
animals' lives.
220
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:09,360
Yeah, that, too.
221
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,320
Yeah, and we had
a vegan breakfast.
222
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:13,680
Bathroom-wise,
it's much more efficient.
223
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,590
Okay, first bite
starts the clock,
224
00:10:15,630 --> 00:10:17,410
so I don't recommend
eating in the car.
225
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:20,240
Bon appétit, everyone.
226
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,950
Don!
227
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:26,340
It was a primitive
instinct.
228
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:29,910
I ate poison and
my body rejected it.
229
00:10:29,950 --> 00:10:32,340
All right, well,
that-that-that's okay.
230
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,910
It takes a little
getting used to,
231
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,350
but it's for the animals.
Right, Katie?
232
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:37,350
That's right, Dad.
233
00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:40,390
This is even worse
than Andi Patties.
234
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:45,140
Yeah, it tastes like
an Andi Patty's butt.
235
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,570
Enough of this
beatnik nonsense.
236
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:49,400
Don, get those ribs
out of the fridge.
237
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:52,580
Dad, we don't eat that anymore.
238
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,670
I didn't spend the Christmas
of '66 dodging bullets
239
00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:58,240
in a rice paddy
to eat snot nuggets.
240
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,770
You have to decide right now,
241
00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:03,850
are you a vegan or an American?
242
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:06,640
You're missing the point.
243
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,250
Those ribs came
from an innocent cow.
244
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:11,380
Cows are designed
to be eaten.
245
00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:13,480
They're made of
steak and cheese.
246
00:11:13,510 --> 00:11:18,340
You know what? You two are
a bad influence, so these ribs
247
00:11:18,390 --> 00:11:20,300
are going where
they belong,
248
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,260
in the trash.I'm proud of you, honey.
249
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,520
Thank you.
250
00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:27,050
Now, who wants a soy-glazed
mushroom cutlet?
251
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:29,090
Donny, you know
what to do.
252
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:31,140
I'm one step ahead of you, Pop.
253
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:37,540
You think the trash
is gonna scare me?
254
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,710
In the service,
they called me The Raccoon.
255
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,770
Okay, okay, sweetie.
So beautiful.
256
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:53,900
[chuckles]
Um, why don't you
257
00:11:53,950 --> 00:11:55,290
go get dressed for your recital?
258
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,340
I'm not going too fancy.
259
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:59,950
I'll let my music
speak for itself.
260
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,130
Never lose that
confidence, sweetie.
261
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,790
Ugh. What?
262
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:11,480
Oh, who leaves a half-eaten
Slim Jim in their backpack?
263
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,570
It's all covered with lint
264
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:17,880
and hair and... deliciousness.
265
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:19,230
ADAM:
Andi!
266
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:21,800
Put down that Slim Jim.
267
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,190
Too late.
268
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,500
It wasn't too late.
269
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,200
You saw me and then you ate it.
270
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,810
And now it's too late.
271
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:34,420
Just don't tell
Kate, okay?
272
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:37,000
This vegan thing
is working for me, too.
273
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:38,510
This morning,
she took out an earbud
274
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,910
and voluntarily spoke to me.
She... she said,
275
00:12:42,950 --> 00:12:45,480
"Can I have ten dollars?"
276
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,650
I'm not gonna tell Katie
277
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,840
because I enjoy having
the moral high ground.
278
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,920
The view's nice,
I've never been up here before.
279
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,750
Hey, Mom, thank you so much
280
00:12:56,790 --> 00:12:58,840
for buying me those
strawberry snack bars.
281
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,450
Oh, honey, you're welcome.
282
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,880
No, seriously, it means a lot
that you support my choices.
283
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,150
Your mom ate a Slim Jim.[gasps]
284
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:13,900
What?
Yeah.
285
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:16,680
She barely chewed it,
she was like a seal with a fish.
286
00:13:17,990 --> 00:13:19,770
Oh, Mom.
287
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,390
Your mother's betrayal
must be very hard for you.
288
00:13:21,430 --> 00:13:22,520
Come on, let's hug it out.
289
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,910
Well, I'm not that upset.
290
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:26,390
No, no, it's for your own good.
291
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:39,140
Okay, Don's all set up
in the back
292
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:40,790
to record
Emme's recital.
293
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,790
He's so tall, no one
can block him.
294
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,100
He's like a giraffe
with a camera.
295
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,940
Don't act like
everything's fine.
296
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:51,410
You sold me out to Kate.
297
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,210
I had to.
298
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,110
There's only a limited amount of
hugs until she goes to college.
299
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,820
I'm getting
as many as I can.
300
00:13:57,850 --> 00:13:59,380
What about me?
301
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,990
You're fine, the
breastfeeding years
302
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:05,030
were like one
long hug for you.
303
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,080
It's my time.
304
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:09,690
BOTH:
Hi.
305
00:14:09,730 --> 00:14:11,340
Yes, we're arguing,
306
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:14,650
but life is complicated
for us because we're vegan.
307
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,270
Yeah, that's right,
full-blown vegan.
308
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:21,750
Well, some of us are.
She cheated on me.
309
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:24,050
With jerky.
310
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,660
And I am back
on the wagon.
311
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:27,750
Yeah, I made a chicken
for Teddy and Emme today,
312
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,110
I wasn't even tempted.
313
00:14:29,150 --> 00:14:32,200
I saved the gizzards
for Andi Patties.
314
00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:35,980
ANNOUNCER:
Next up, Emme Burns.
315
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:39,370
Oh, there she is.
That's our daughter.
316
00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:47,160
She's not a vegan.
317
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,570
This is a great gig.
318
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,120
I just made 40 bucks
charging short moms
319
00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:54,730
to videotape
their kids.
320
00:14:54,780 --> 00:14:58,390
Don, this is
my kid's school.
321
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,100
I should get half.
322
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:04,010
Ugh. Look at this.
323
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:06,960
I finally get picked for Frank's
barbecue and I can't have it.
324
00:15:07,010 --> 00:15:08,620
It's like when my
high school teacher
325
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,880
hit on me after
I was married.
326
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:13,010
Ah, Miss Popovich.
She made algebra sexy.
327
00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:16,580
I wore a tank top
for four years, nothing.
328
00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:19,930
Married six months,
here she comes.
329
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,810
I'll just text
and say I don't want the ribs.
330
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:23,110
Whoa, don't do that.
I'll take them.
331
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,860
Well, if you want them,
go get them yourself.
332
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,590
I can't, they
check your ID.
333
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,250
Ugh.
Come on, you owe me.
334
00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:30,380
You threw my ribs in the
garbage. I didn't get any.
335
00:15:30,420 --> 00:15:32,120
Raccoons don't share.
336
00:15:34,210 --> 00:15:35,820
Okay, fine, I'll go,
337
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,390
but Andi can never know.
338
00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:39,040
I snitched on her
for sneaking jerky
339
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,300
and she's looking
for revenge.
340
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,170
You guys have
a weird marriage.
341
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:46,050
Will you please?Okay, I'll cover for you.
342
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:50,090
Okay, just, uh, oh, tell Andi
I went home to use the bathroom.
343
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,360
I'm a vegan,
she'll believe it.
344
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:58,100
Okay, Emme went to
a sleepover. Where's Adam?
345
00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:00,100
Oh, he was having
vegan problems,
346
00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:01,710
so he went home
to use the bathroom.
347
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,720
Why wouldn't he use
the bathroom here?
348
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:08,030
Well, because he wanted
to stop on the way
349
00:16:08,070 --> 00:16:10,510
and get Emme flowers
350
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:13,120
because the recital
was so good.
351
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,990
Okay, now I know you're lying.
352
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:17,080
Where is he?
353
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,080
Fine, he's sleeping
with his high school teacher.
354
00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:21,740
Don.
355
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:25,090
Okay, okay, he won
the barbecue lottery.
356
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,650
He went to pick up the ribs.
357
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:29,130
Oh, you have got
to be kidding me.
358
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:31,140
Mister Holier-Than-Thou
is getting ribs
359
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:33,010
while-while
I'm an outcast
360
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:36,100
for eating a hairy,
backpack Slim Jim?
361
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:39,190
He's not getting them for
himself, he's giving them to me.
362
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:40,880
Come on, Don,
we both know better.
363
00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:42,450
He can't resist
barbecue.
364
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,900
His first time alone
in the car with those ribs
365
00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:47,630
will be like his first time
alone in a car with me.
366
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,240
Lots of grabbing,
heavy breathing,
367
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:51,210
and windows
steaming up.
368
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,290
He's not doing that
to my ribs.
Let's go.
369
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,780
ADAM: Smell good all you want,
I'm taking you to Don's.
370
00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:07,000
I'm doing this for Katie
and Anne Hatch-away,
371
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:11,130
and Veal Patrick Harris.
372
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:15,310
Aw, who am I kidding?
I can't control myself.
373
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:18,360
This is just like my first time alone in the car with Andi.
374
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,140
I'm sorry, Katie.
375
00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:26,360
I saw his truck.
He's here with those ribs.
376
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:29,320
I smell it.
The meat is near.
377
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:37,640
Good boy, Don,
good boy.
378
00:17:47,390 --> 00:17:49,390
Classic meat nap.
379
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,260
Look how happy he is.
380
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,260
I'm going
to get the hose.
381
00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:56,540
Wait, Andi, let's remember
what's important here.
382
00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:01,310
Okay, let him have it.
383
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:05,320
Okay, I'm sorry I ate the ribs.
384
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,670
Lay it on me, I deserve it.
385
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:09,840
No, you know what?
This makes sense
386
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:11,670
'cause for a couple hours today
I was thinking
387
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,730
you were better than me,
and then I was like,
388
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,240
"Well, that can't be right."
And look, it's not.
389
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:19,950
The thing is,
I can't be a vegan.
390
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:24,380
It's like asking Godzilla
not to stomp on Tokyo.
391
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:27,510
He has to do it, it's who he is.
392
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,250
You gonna tell Kate?
393
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,210
Well, yeah, I can't
let her hug a lie.
394
00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:36,260
She deserves the truth.
I'll-I'll go tell her now.
395
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,400
Hey, maybe bring her
396
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,180
one of those strawberry
snack bars to soften her up.
397
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,480
Got me a hug.
398
00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:49,530
Katie?
I'm sorry.
399
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,410
I saw chicken in the fridge
and I couldn't resist.
400
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:53,930
I love meat too much.
401
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:55,540
So do I!
402
00:18:55,590 --> 00:18:58,420
I just ate a half a cow.
403
00:18:58,460 --> 00:19:02,240
Really? That makes me feel
so much better.
404
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:05,990
Oh, and this hug is even nicer
405
00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:08,290
because we both smell like meat.
406
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,600
Nah!
407
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,270
Ah, that was
some good chicken.
408
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,610
Mm.
409
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,750
Anne Hatch-away and her
finger-licking friends
410
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,230
went out in a blaze of glory.
411
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:32,360
And we put out that blaze
with honey mustard.
412
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,190
[laughs]:
Yeah.
413
00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:37,630
I do feel kind of bad
for giving up, though.
414
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:41,930
Hey, how about this?
415
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,410
We'll keep eating meat,
416
00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:45,980
but we'll donate
to the animal rights people.
417
00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:47,240
Really?
418
00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:49,120
Yeah. We'll do whatever we want,
419
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,680
but we'll give a little money
420
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:54,250
to the people
who do the right thing. Yeah?
421
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:58,300
And that is how
you get around that.
422
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:14,000
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