Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,200
Brothers in arms.
2
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,560
It is time that I, General Napalm,
3
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,040
unleash my biggest wave
of destruction yet.
4
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,520
May the rivers flow with blood
5
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,920
and every man, woman
and child tremble in our shadow!
6
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,840
SHOUTING AND GUNFIRE
7
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,640
General Napalm! General Napalm!
I have urgent news!
8
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,520
What is it, soldier?
9
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,240
It is a post, General.
10
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,040
A post on Facebook by...
11
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,560
..Gary Stevens...
12
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,920
..from Hounslow.
13
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:44,760
He says, "We must stop the
evil warlord General Napalm.
14
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,840
"Help me get 1,000 likes
to raise...
15
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,600
"..awareness."
16
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,880
Gary Stevens is clearly
a blithering idiot.
17
00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,880
1,000 likes?
18
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:04,600
There is no way a man
can reach 1,000 likes.
19
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,200
He will fail in his attempt
to raise awareness.
20
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,880
But, General,
21
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:16,120
the post has
already received 997 likes.
22
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,440
Impossible.
23
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,200
BEEP
998.
24
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,480
Stop it. Stop him now!
Stop Gary now!
25
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,760
BEEP
999.
26
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,840
Delete the post. We need to go to
Hounslow and get Gary Stevens and...
27
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,960
BEEP
One...
28
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,160
..thousand.
29
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,400
Argh!
30
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,160
The awareness!
31
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,960
Have mercy upon me!
32
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,920
The awareness is taking over!
33
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,200
The awareness has hit me!
34
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,200
SCREAMING
35
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,600
I am sorry!
36
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,280
Get away from me,
you awareness devils!
37
00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:59,840
Get away!
38
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,600
SCREAMING
39
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,360
Erm, General.
40
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,640
General.
41
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,240
Erm...
42
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,200
It would appear that Gary Stevens'
post on Facebook
43
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,040
was completely ineffectual
44
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:18,160
and was instead an attempt to boost
his own presence on social media.
45
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,200
Good.
46
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,080
Well, all right, guys,
47
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,960
let's get back to stealing some shit
and eating some people.
48
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,960
SHOUTING AND GUNFIRE
49
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,000
Mashup the dance
50
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,200
Step inna di place me a gangsta
51
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,040
Me n'affi ask weh dem put up dem
hands for
52
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,840
Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta
53
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,680
Mek dem know to no bwoy we nuh
answer
54
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,680
Badder than cancer, the freelancer
55
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,640
Big up every woman and salute
every man, sah
56
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:45,480
Never impact, Major Blazer,
21, watch 'ya
57
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,960
Rumble in di jungle, step to dis,
you're to crumble
58
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,920
Try walk straight and try nuh
stumble
59
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,880
Try hold yuh mouth and try be
humble
60
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,760
Shawty, walk in, dance mashup.
61
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,880
Freeze, motherfuckers!
62
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,640
Detective Mountree about to arrest
you apple-stealing bitches!
63
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,800
Midsomer Motherfuckin' Murders,
nigga
64
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,480
Black man in a white man's world
Yeah!
65
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,400
By this point you should know who
the fuck we talk about
66
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,760
It's Moses Mountree, nigga
67
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,000
He's had several partners
68
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,000
Whoop!
69
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,880
And sexual partners
70
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,880
Whoop!
71
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,000
And he's fucked up some farmers
72
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,000
Whoop!
73
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,720
Mountree, Mountree, Mountree.
74
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,760
And also his partner, Kim Lee.
75
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,000
Look, I really don't understand
why I'm here again.
76
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,360
Oh, you don't understand why you're
here again?
77
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,280
Look at these motherfuckers, man!
78
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,000
These ain't just farmers.
79
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,320
These be triad farmers.
80
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,360
You still don't understand why
you're here,
81
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,640
Kim motherfuckin' Lee?
82
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,000
I mean, they're obviously farmers of
Asian descent
83
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,560
who have scrumped some apples,
84
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,600
but I don't think that makes
them triads.
85
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,120
Motherfucker, it's your first day!
86
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,080
If you don't take these
motherfucking nunchuks
87
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,400
and whoop these triads' ass,
I'm going to beat your ass.
88
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,800
I don't know how to use nunchuks.
89
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,000
Oh, and I don't have a big ass
floppy dick!
90
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,160
Let's go.
91
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,000
Action sequence
It's a montage, action sequence.
92
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,160
Go away!
93
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,400
Hiya!
94
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,600
Hiyo.
95
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,000
KIM CRIES
96
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,000
I'm sorry.
97
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,040
I'm sorry!
98
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,800
Bitch, you can't die today!
99
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:39,840
Where's your boss at?
100
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:39,840
HE SPEAKS CHINESE
101
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,120
Nigga, what?
102
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,080
Kim Lee, come ask him where his evil
triad boss is at.
103
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,000
I don't speak Chinese, Moses.
I was born in Kilburn.
104
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,360
Motherfucker, ask him where his
boss is at!
105
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,560
KIM IMITATES CHINESE
106
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,640
Fowlam?
Fowlam!
107
00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:01,000
Fo...lo...lo?
Oh, Fololo!
108
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,000
HE SPEAKS CHINESE
109
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,000
What he say?
110
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:09,000
Er, he said that he's at the old
abandoned warehouse.
111
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,360
Good!
112
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,600
Let's go kill his Korean ass!
113
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,000
Part two, coming soon.
114
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,280
Midsomer Motherfuckin' Murders,
nigga!
115
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,480
Korean now? I mean, there's just no
consistency.
116
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,600
Shut the fuck up!
117
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,960
Mountree, Mountree, Mountree.
118
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,840
LAUGHTER AND CHAT
119
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,600
So?
120
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,640
So?
Yeah?
121
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,680
He's amazing.
122
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,680
I knew it!
123
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,240
He makes me so happy.
124
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,960
He's literally just perfect.
125
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,960
Oh!
126
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,280
Go on!
He's gorgeous.
127
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,600
He's kind.
128
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,880
He's so generous.
129
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,800
He sounds incredible.
He is.
130
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,640
There is one tiny thing.
131
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:49,720
What?
132
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,600
It's probably nothing.
133
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,600
What?
134
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,440
He's never...
135
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,040
..sent me a dick pic.
136
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,560
Is this supposed to be some kind
of joke?
137
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,000
I think I'm going to be sick.
138
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,320
OK, let's not overreact.
139
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,000
He's sent you something, though,
right?
140
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,560
Slightly blurred?
A tiny peep of?
141
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,800
A vague, out of focus, could be leg,
could be shaft?
142
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,040
An over-pants semi?
Yeah?
143
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,160
He's sent you an over-pants semi,
right?
144
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,160
I haven't even seen a pic of the top
bit of his pubes.
145
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,760
Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God!
146
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,000
He's a psycho! He volunteers at the
local hospice.
147
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,320
It'll be weird.
Abnormal.
148
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,440
Kinked.
Or flat.
149
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,480
He went to Harvard!
Or a spoon.
150
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,880
He's got a cock like a spoon.
151
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,360
He's just going to use it to,
like, scoop at you.
152
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,000
It could be spiral,
like a duck's penis.
153
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,320
We never had dick pics in my day.
154
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,000
We just went in blind.
155
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,280
Some of us were lucky.
156
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,720
Others, not so much.
157
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,800
My best friend ended up marrying
a man
158
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,920
with a penis like an
undercooked fried egg.
159
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,480
THEY GASP
160
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,480
She died, of course.
161
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,040
PHONE PINGS
162
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,640
Is that him?
163
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,520
It could be a dick pic.
164
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,840
Is it?
165
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,080
What's it like?
166
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:22,720
DEEP VOICE: Can you send me that?
167
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,720
What?
168
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,560
Yes, please!
169
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,120
See you later, bro.
170
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,880
These young uns, bruv!
171
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,040
Yeah.
172
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,040
What you sayin', fam?
Oh, hello, Uncle.
173
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,840
SNIGGERING
174
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,440
Did he just call me Uncle?
175
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,640
Yeah, bruv.
176
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,280
I'm only a few years older
than you guys.
177
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,000
I'm not an Uncle already, am I?
178
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,200
No, man.
179
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,280
Chill out. What's wrong with you?
180
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,000
OK, cool.
181
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,520
Cool.
182
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,640
Hey, what are those?
183
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,920
What?
184
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,400
Oh, these?
185
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,000
Er, yeah, my MX1s are a bit muddy.
186
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,600
Plus, these are really comfy.
187
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,240
Really comfy, guys, yeah.
188
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,080
HE SIGHS
189
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,080
Feeling a bit hot, though.
190
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,360
What is that?
What?
191
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,400
The hat?
The what?
192
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,600
The hat?
193
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,320
The music is too loud, isn't it?
194
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,480
I can't hear you.
195
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,160
No, it's actually pretty
normal volume.
196
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,600
What are you saying?
197
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,600
Yeah, why are you shouting?
198
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,720
I'm not shouting.
199
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,000
You're definitely shouting.
200
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,600
Nonsense. Go and fetch me a
Guinness.
201
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,880
Oh, there's Yoko Oli.
202
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,200
Oli!
203
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,840
Good to see! Where have you been?
And you!
204
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,520
That will never be us, right?
205
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:55,640
No.
206
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,040
NEW SONG PLAYS
207
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,040
Oh!
208
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,960
SHE PANTS
209
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,880
You are doing so well.
210
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,080
You and the baby's heart rate are
stable.
211
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,280
Ah, just as I thought -
212
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,440
the dilations are starting to move.
213
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,440
Hey!
214
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,560
What you a look pon?
215
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,520
What?
Me say what you a look pon?
216
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,200
Getting your big head into my girl
Leslie legs!
217
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,000
You should be ashamed of yourself!
218
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,520
But I just need to look at the
cervix.
219
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:31,680
Cervix?!
220
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,800
You aren't looking at
my girl's cervix!
221
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,480
I should serve you!
222
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,240
Just because me did give you
permission
223
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,400
to bring this young Jamaican ting
into this world.
224
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,440
I mean, sir, you can't put your hand
into my girl's poom poom poom poom.
225
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:44,800
Ya hear this, Leslie?
226
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,400
He want to stick him hand in your
batty hole
227
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,800
and take the batty grease and all
them ting there.
228
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,240
LESLIE GROANS
229
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,000
Oh!
230
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,000
I see what g'wan here.
231
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,360
So, you want to be with him?
232
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,840
You want to run away with him?
233
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,320
Fine, I will go and look for another
girl,
234
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,480
who will learn to appreciate me!
235
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,360
Big batty like Jupiter!
236
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,680
Recognise!
237
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,240
LESLIE SCREAMS
238
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,560
BABY CRIES
239
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,000
Careful. There you go.
240
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,560
There you go, you're OK.
241
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,280
My goodness!
242
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,000
Move!
243
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,720
Leslie, will you look pon that!
244
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,040
It's a girl. I have a little
princess!
245
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,000
Congratulations to you both.
246
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,200
Go suck your mother puss hole!
247
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,320
No-one sees what I see in you
248
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,240
No-one feels the same
249
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,440
No-one sees myself like you do.
250
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,000
Know what, babe?
251
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,800
These shoes are SO comfortable!
252
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,240
Yeah!
253
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,000
I literally could just wear 'em
all night.
254
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,000
Same!
255
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,160
I don't want to take 'em off ever.
256
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,240
Yeah, me, too.
257
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,800
I think mine are even comfier,
to be honest.
258
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,040
Oh, shit!
259
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,520
Excuse me. Do you know your feet
are bleeding?
260
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,640
I don't know what you're talking
about, babe.
261
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,280
I think it might be the shoes.
262
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,880
There's quite a lot of blood.
263
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,000
These are literally the most
comfortable shoes I've ever owned.
264
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,800
So comfortable, babe.
265
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,400
It's like literally wearing clouds,
hun.
266
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,040
Your blister just burst.
267
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,360
THEY LAUGH
268
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,000
I just don't want to take 'em off.
269
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,880
They're so comfy.
270
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,000
Same, babe.
271
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,720
Honestly...
272
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,640
..I feel like I'm wearing trainers.
273
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,600
That's funny, because I was
literally about to say
274
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,440
I could work out in these shoes.
275
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,800
How about you, Letitia?
276
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,800
Oh, my God! You're so drunk!
277
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,560
And you've lost a lot of blood.
278
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,560
Oh, my God, hun!
279
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,400
How you feeling?
280
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,840
I'm so, so sorry.
281
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,640
You had to be the first one to
take your shoes off.
282
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,040
It's devastating.
283
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,720
Honestly, babe.
284
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,480
They're so comfy....
285
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,880
..I literally can't feel a thing.
286
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,560
My sheep!
287
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:32,640
It is I, Pastor Philip John,
288
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:36,320
and before me are three members of
our church.
289
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,800
Three strong and powerful...
290
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,840
..and muscular men,
291
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,520
who've all fallen victim to the
devil.
292
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,000
There's also a woman, Pastor.
What?
293
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,120
Ah, yes, also there's a woman
there, yeah.
294
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:57,960
You! How has the devil manifested
itself into your body?
295
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,360
I get chest pains, Pastor.
296
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,040
Then show me your nipple!
297
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,920
My nipple?
298
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,920
Yes, your nipple!
299
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:09,000
Show it to Pastor Philip John so
that he may milk
300
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,120
the devil from you.
301
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,040
Get it out!
302
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,800
Ah!
303
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,000
Yeah, it's coming.
304
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,760
It's coming out.
305
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,040
Ah!
306
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,680
It's gone.
307
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,360
And you!
308
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,160
I have a pain down near my...
309
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,440
..thigh.
310
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,080
HE SNIFFS
I can smell the devil in there.
311
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,480
How dare you make this man's
penis your home, devil.
312
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,320
He's gone!
Praise Jesus!
313
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,800
And you!
314
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,680
What is your ailment?
315
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,000
I've had homosexual thoughts,
Pastor.
316
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,680
Stop the music.
317
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,320
Homosexual thoughts?
318
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,760
Yes, Pastor.
319
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,840
I need you to go into the back room
and begin to pray immediately.
320
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,000
And don't stop praying until I come
back there and...
321
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,520
..pray with you.
322
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,640
Yes, Pastor.
323
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,720
You may also want to light some
candles.
324
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,440
And go into my Spotify and select
the playlist entitled...
325
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,080
..Cosy Fun Times.
326
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,040
Yes, Pastor.
327
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:29,720
Ah!
328
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,000
Praise Jesus.
329
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,520
All right, donations.
330
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,080
Let's get these donations, guys.
331
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,000
Jesus needs cash, guys.
332
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,160
Excuse me, Pastor?
333
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,720
What?
334
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,200
I think I'm going blind.
335
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,160
Well, they have dogs for that.
Jesus Christ!
336
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,160
All right, donations, guys!
337
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,000
Jesus is not going to pay himself.
338
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,800
Let's get this cash out!
339
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,560
GUNSHOTS
340
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,000
Hey!
341
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000
Evil triad boss bitch!
342
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,360
You'd better bring your ass
out here, man.
343
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,680
I'm not playing with you.
344
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,520
Translate that shit for me, Kim Lee.
345
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:09,520
KIM IMITATES CHINESE
346
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,440
Yeah!
347
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,040
You hear that, motherfucker?
348
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,200
Oh, you want me to translate that
as well?
349
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,520
Yes.
350
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,520
KIM IMITATES CHINESE
351
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,720
All right, he wants to play
hardball.
352
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,680
Here's what we're going to do.
We got to split up.
353
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,440
You go search the warehouse.
354
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,120
I'm going to go back to the car
and smoke me some weed.
355
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,280
Then my ass probably going to be
a little bit hungry,
356
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,480
so I'm going to order me some
Chinese food.
357
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,000
Hey, what y'all Chinese folk call
Chinese food?
358
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,560
It's just regular ass food, right?
359
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,880
As long as it ain't no dog.
360
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,920
Going to get me some egg rolls.
361
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,920
GUNSHOT
362
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:43,960
Shit!
363
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,720
You motherfucker!
364
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,680
So you was the evil triad boss
all along, Kim Lee?
365
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,280
No, I'm not a triad.
366
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,880
I'm just fucking sick of you ripping
into me for being Chinese!
367
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,360
I'm not even Chinese! My parents are
from Malaysia.
368
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,720
Malaysia, Asia,
China, pina, wina, it's all...
369
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,000
GUNSHOT
370
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,000
How would you like it?
371
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,800
Hmm? How would you like it if
I said, oh,
372
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,520
black people aren't the best
timekeepers?
373
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,000
No, Kim Lee!
374
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,400
How would you like it if
I said, oh,
375
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,600
when there's a large group of
black people together,
376
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,120
they can be a bit on the loud side.
377
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,440
No!
And why's your food so spicy?
378
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,480
And why are your barber shops open
so late?
379
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,520
Who needs a trim at 2am?
I don't know.
380
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,160
And what if I were to say
that I think Stormzy...
381
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,720
..is a bit overrated?
382
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,560
You motherfucker.
383
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,040
GUNSHOT
384
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,000
It's me, baby!
385
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,680
Your long lost wife, Cleopatra.
386
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:50,040
And I brought your long lost son,
Mountree Junior.
387
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,560
Hey, little niblett.
388
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,200
Hey, little man.
389
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,360
Does he have a big ass dick?
390
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,480
It's huge!
391
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,640
I can see my life flash before my
eyes, man.
392
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,440
So sad
393
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,560
Moses Mountree, he's dead...
394
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,000
You heard what I said
395
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,400
He's dead
396
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,880
Say it ain't so
397
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,360
Say it ain't so
398
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,600
They shot up some triads
399
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,000
But bitches...
400
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,000
Is your ass dead yet?
Motherfucker!
401
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,360
Can't a nigga get a flashback
sequence before he die, bitch?
402
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,000
Oh, hell no, motherfucker.
403
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,440
I don't know who the fuck you think
you talking to like that.
404
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,800
I'm going to shoot your ass again,
bitch.
405
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,920
I love you, baby.
406
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,640
I love you, too, baby.
407
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,000
Midsomer Motherfuckin' Murders...
408
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,600
..nigga.
409
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,320
Hey, baby
Hey, babe
410
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,000
Can we talk for a sec?
Sure, what's up?
411
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,840
I got something to tell you
You can tell me anything
412
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,880
Bear with me, baby
Listen
413
00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:01,360
It's our first time together and I
want to make love so bad
414
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,480
So bad
415
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,840
But, baby, what I'm going to
tell ya might make you sad
416
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,000
Womp, womp, womp
417
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,200
Now, I'm sure you've had many
great lovers before
418
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:16,160
But when I tell you this,
don't kick me out the door
419
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,440
Cos...
420
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,880
Baby, I come too soon
What?
421
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,480
Baby, I come too soon
Quick finish man
422
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,000
Baby, I come too soon
OK
423
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,840
Baby, I come too soon
424
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,160
I've got to go.
425
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:33,200
Pretty lady, you look very sad
indeed
426
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,720
But I found a trick to
slow down my speed
427
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,000
All right
428
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,000
I think of dead puppies,
dead puppies, dead puppies!
429
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,720
I picture Phil Mitchell
as a druggie
430
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:45,880
Shit, I might think of my taxes
431
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,320
But, if that don't work,
there's more
432
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,360
I think of cancer survivors,
tarantula spiders
433
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:54,000
Sweat dripping down
my grandma's vagina
434
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,160
Blowing my cannon on
Alison Hammond
435
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,280
Or the chick who looks like a man
on The Wire
436
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,840
Nails on a chalkboard,
Liquorice allsorts
437
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,640
Old avocados, Yoda from Star Wars
438
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,680
I even think of climate change
439
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,120
And if that don't work
I'm comin', babe!
440
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,160
Cos you know I come too soon
Who the fuck are all these people?
441
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,480
Baby, I come too soon
Quick finish man
442
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,840
Baby, I come too soon
Er, yeah
443
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,600
Baby, I come too soon
Key change
444
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,320
Baby, I come too soon
Is that my brother?
445
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,600
And I wish I could...
446
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,760
Tyrone, fuck off!
Restrain my wood
447
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,160
Baby, I come to soon
448
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,800
I'm just going to finish myself off.
449
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,480
Baby, I come too soon.
450
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,920
Oh, Trevor McDonald!
451
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,000
Hyacinth, what you a look pon
452
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,720
You're precious as the morning
sun
453
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,480
If a you try touch your bum
454
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,920
I go boss him clat with my
shotgun!
455
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,160
Watch me slaughter anyone if he
touch my daughter
456
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,400
Here's me gun, mother,
here's me nunchaka
457
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,920
And if that no work me have me
belt buckle!
458
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,320
LESLIE COUGHS
459
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,320
Leslie, what wrong with you, man?
460
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,680
You can't see Hyacinth is sleeping?
461
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,040
HE TUTS
462
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,040
Sorry, baby.
463
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,360
WHISPERING: We're going to find
464
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,360
another mother for you anyway.
465
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,640
Yeah, you excited about that one,
innit?
466
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,040
Peter, smile!
467
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,720
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
468
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,240
Darling, come quick.
469
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,240
What is it?
470
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,360
Look!
471
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,040
That photo you uploaded
the other night.
472
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,680
Someone's turned it into a meme!
473
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,720
I think I'm a meme.
474
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,040
Who knows, it might even go viral.
475
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,000
Holy shit!
476
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,280
You're that meme dude!
477
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,560
You're the guy!
478
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,240
Now, will you do the face?
Will you do the face?
479
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,400
Oh, very nice. Pleasure.
Very cool. Pleasure.
480
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,640
Thank you very much.
481
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:54,920
I'm famous.
482
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,360
It's that geezer off the meme!
483
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,440
Do the face!
Oh, yes, the face!
484
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,640
Hold on.
485
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,400
Hey, you're that meme guy,
aren't you?
486
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,880
Oh, yes.
487
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,800
Wow, I can't believe it's you.
Oh, yes, it's me.
488
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,280
I just can't believe it.
One, two, three.
489
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,200
Oh, hello. I'm sorry.
490
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,360
I can't...
491
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,680
No, I can't.
492
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,680
I'm sorry, I can't.
493
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,480
Selfie! Selfie! Selfie!
494
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,240
Enough! No more selfies.
495
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,080
HE SCREAMS
496
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,080
Get away!
497
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,400
No more!
498
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:39,880
I'm not a meme!
499
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,480
I'm a man!
500
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,400
It's how he would want us
to remember him.
501
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,160
Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta
502
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,000
Mek dem know to no bwoy we nuh
answer
503
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000
Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta
504
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,920
Mek dem know to no bwoy we nuh
answer
505
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,880
Badder than cancer, the freelancer
506
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,120
Big up every woman and salute
every man, sah
507
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:05,160
Never impact, Major Blazer, 21,
watch 'ya
508
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,040
Rumble in di jungle, step to dis,
you're to crumble
509
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,000
Try walk straight and try nuh
stumble
510
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,840
Try hold yuh mouth and try be
humble
511
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,600
Shawty, walk in, dance mashup.
512
00:22:14,650 --> 00:22:19,200
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34452
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof