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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,960 - I'm engaged! - It's not amazing news and I'm not happy for you. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,160 Evie, I'm deeply concerned. 3 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,640 What, did you think you were just going to become two old ladies 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:09,720 in that flat together? 5 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,040 People we love won't ever understand how hard it can be to do 6 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:13,480 these things but we do them anyway. 7 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,680 When you asked me to be your Maid of Honour, I was shook. 8 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,800 Ranesh's dad Sachin wants to meet the whole family. 9 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,160 She wants us all to put on a mask and pretend to be something 10 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,720 we're not to impress his dad. 11 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,240 We have put our personalities aside for you to impress this man. 12 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,000 Now, if I can do it, and I'm literally autistic, 13 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,480 then you can do it! 14 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,840 His glasses are really small. 15 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,240 Don't say anything. 16 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,000 Well, that was practically masonic. 17 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,280 I had a fight with my girlfriend. 18 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,400 I won't invite her to your big wedding. 19 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,440 What wedding? 20 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,560 Evie is my sister and she's a really great and thoughtful 21 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,400 and creative person. 22 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,920 And I need to know - why are your glasses so tiny! 23 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,240 I think they make me look more interesting than I am. 24 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,560 Well, son, congratulations are in order! 25 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,720 Do you want to go with me to get a...not hot beverage? 26 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,080 Erm... 27 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,480 ..yeah. Yeah, OK! 28 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,680 Have you ever seen anything so magnificent? 29 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,360 Wow. 30 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,240 Pretty impressive fossil, eh? 31 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,600 Mm-hm. 32 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,120 It's stunning. 33 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,480 I knew you'd be furious if I opened it without you, 34 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,920 even on a Saturday morning. 35 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,880 You could be digging these up on the Isle of Wight. 36 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,320 You should apply. You're more than qualified. 37 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,720 I'll write you a reference. 38 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:26,800 Ah... 39 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,520 I have always wanted to be a footnote in a Dunne Paper. 40 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:33,039 If you're worried about me, I'll be fine. 41 00:01:34,479 --> 00:01:35,880 It's not you I'm worried about. 42 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,520 I know you'll be fine. 43 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,640 It's Evie. 44 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,320 Is she not getting married? 45 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,800 I don't think signing a little bit of paper's going to change 46 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:43,960 all that much. 47 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,520 Before I got married, 48 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,960 I used to see the boys from my foraging club every weekend. 49 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:54,000 Now I just get the odd text at Christmas 50 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,880 and the occasional prostate update. 51 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:01,680 But I don't miss them because Gemma fills those spaces. 52 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,360 My sister's still going to need me. 53 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,360 Speak of the lovely devil! 54 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,039 40% of all unexpected bodies are found by dog-walkers. 55 00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,039 We don't have a dog, so we walk each other. 56 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,320 Bye! 57 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,800 I found a dead cat in the park once. 58 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,920 That's cool. 59 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,160 Thanks for the pep talk! 60 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,920 97, 98, 99, 100 - ooh! 61 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,360 Oh. 62 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,120 - You should stretch to avoid injury! - Mm-mm. 63 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,240 Did you see that woman with her cat on the leash? 64 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,360 Yes. 65 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,760 It made me think about when Mum and Dad put you in the harness 66 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,160 at Universal Studios! 67 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,920 You kept trying to get behind all the rides to prove it wasn't real. 68 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,400 It's wrong to gaslight children with fake magic. 69 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,520 If it wasn't for you, I'd still believe in Santa. 70 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,600 14 was too old, Evie. 71 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,040 Will we still do this when you're married? 72 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,440 What else are we going to do? 73 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,400 Oh, erm, Ranesh stayed over last night. 74 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,040 I told you now so you can fix your face. 75 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,000 Evie, if he comes between me, you and Taylor Swift 76 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,680 being friends... 77 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,160 I will divorce him before that happens. 78 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,040 MUSIC: Grenade by Former Champ 79 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:28,520 Here we are. 80 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,800 Oh, that needs more sugar. 81 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,280 Ha... 82 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:47,480 You know this stuff has absolutely no nutritional value, don't you? 83 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,840 Our mother lived through the '90s on three bowls of Special K a day. 84 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,640 The cereal, not the drugs. 85 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,360 Neen-Dogg, I can source you a gut-friendly granola, 86 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,040 really cultivate your biome. 87 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,360 Hmm. I can see your testicles. 88 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,920 Oh, God, I'm so sorry! 89 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,280 You could not see his... 90 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:11,520 ..bing bongs! 91 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,000 Prove it. 92 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,400 You're a nightmare! 93 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,200 - You used to do that to Bo all the time when we were kids. - Mm-hm. 94 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,120 What's the rush? 95 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,200 Big day. 96 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,360 It is a big day, isn't it? 97 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,320 - Yeah, it is. I have a date. - Dress fitting! 98 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,520 No, I have a date. 99 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,720 No, you have a dress fitting. 100 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,080 No, I don't have a dress fitting. 101 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,320 I know I don't have a dress fitting because I have a date 102 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,680 - because the dress fitting's on the 16th. - No, it's today. 103 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,560 No, it's the 16th. It says so on the calendar 104 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:37,880 and the calendar is king! 105 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,200 No, the designer cancelled the 16th. 106 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,480 She's fitting one of the Loose Women for a baby shower. 107 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,520 I explained all this on the group chat. 108 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,320 Oh... 109 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,960 I muted your group chat. 110 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,440 Nina! 111 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,560 Don't "Nina" me! 112 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,200 Amber kept posting selfies - and they're not that good - 113 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,760 and you all reply with flame emojis and "Yass queen!", 114 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,720 and the notifications are draining my battery. 115 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,120 Nina, you're my maid of honour - 116 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,240 you're supposed to be on top of this stuff! 117 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,000 Achhhh! I'm sorry. 118 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,160 Hey-ho! I'm back. 119 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,520 And I'm decent. 120 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,160 Yeah, you're decent. 121 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,400 - Rrrr! - Mm-hm... 122 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,880 Look, I know that changes in plans vex you, right, 123 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,880 but this appointment was really hard to come by. 124 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,720 Yes, and maybe my date was very hard to come by. 125 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,000 Well, I don't think your date's dressed Davina McCall. 126 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,280 You don't know. You don't know what he does. Maybe he did. 127 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,680 Just call and reschedule. 128 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,240 NINA GROANS 129 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,480 Who is it anyway? 130 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,880 It's the hot drink vendor from my work. 131 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,040 No! 132 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,720 Ooh, Nina's got a boyfriend! 133 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,440 No, Nina doesn't do relationships. 134 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,720 Well, maybe I do now. 135 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,000 Things change. 136 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,320 And I can't just call Lee because we're not at that stage 137 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,760 of our relationship, which is why I have to go on this date. 138 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,440 Oh, my gosh. 139 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,200 Is this a FIRST date? 140 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,159 - Yes. - Well, just text him, then. 141 00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:48,080 Tell him you'll come after the dress fitting. 142 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,440 I can't meet him after the fitting because that'll make it 143 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,120 a night-time date, and men expect things on night-time dates that 144 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,960 I'm not willing to do with him yet. 145 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,040 I said I'd meet him at two. I'll just do both. 146 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,440 Nina, the fitting's at three. 147 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,680 Just move your thing to another day. 148 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,640 I'm sure your man-friend will understand. 149 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,040 NINA GROANS 150 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,440 And unmute my wedding chat! 151 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,000 Mehhh! 152 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,760 Our first date was a nooner, wasn't it? 153 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,120 Was it? 154 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,280 I don't think that means what you think it does, babe. 155 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,320 Oh... We talked for hours. 156 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,400 It was just so easy with you, just this instant connection. 157 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,160 - Hmm. - Mmm. - Hey, Neens? 158 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,480 If you do go on that date, don't do anything I wouldn't do, yeah? 159 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,840 Well, I'll come back engaged then, yeah? 160 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,960 Ooh! 161 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,600 Hmm... 162 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:39,840 I can do both. 163 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,720 I can do both. 164 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,040 I can do both. I'm a cool lady. 165 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,480 I'm going to do both. 166 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,720 Oh, sorry. 167 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,920 Nina! There was no signal in there. 168 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,120 - Ah... - Oh, I don't do hugs. 169 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,720 Oh. 170 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,360 And I don't do butt stuff! 171 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,480 Sorry, I-I... I don't know why I... 172 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:21,560 I mean, I don't. 173 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,640 I don't do...that. 174 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,720 B-b-but not as a... As a standard practice. 175 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,320 It's... It's just not come up. 176 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,880 Yet! 177 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,600 Sorry, that's... I don't know, erm, why I'm... 178 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,800 And I shouldn't... 179 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,040 Shall we? 180 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,040 INDISTINCT CHATTER 181 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,640 Can I get you something else to drink? 182 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,920 Anything from the lunch menu? 183 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,280 Oh, no, thank you. 184 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,480 And yourself? 185 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,560 Eh, I'll have a... 186 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,000 - AFFECTS POSH ENGLISH ACCENT: - ..negroni... 187 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,960 ..sbagliato... 188 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,320 ..with prosecco in it. 189 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,320 HE CHUCKLES 190 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,080 From that viral clip? 191 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,640 No, just, erm... 192 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,120 Just another one of these. 193 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,840 Yeah. 194 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,880 Oh, no... 195 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,799 When Evie drinks prosecco, she does problematic football chants. 196 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:33,960 Poor Evie. 197 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,240 Did you, erm, hear about the craziness at the museum yesterday? 198 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,120 A skateboarder tried to do a trick off the stairs at the entrance 199 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,280 and fell. 200 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,120 His bone was sticking right out of his leg. 201 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,000 I'm surprised you weren't down there taking samples. 202 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,720 Oh, we haven't displayed any human remains in the museum 203 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,040 since 1999. 204 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,640 We did have this Iron Age skull, but it turned out to be a counterfeit. 205 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,440 It was a man from Edinburgh whose grave had been robbed. 206 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,880 His children sued the museum 207 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,720 and that's why we can't afford a CT scanner, 208 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,920 but I don't see what the big deal is because, you know, 209 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,040 death is death. 210 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,040 Oh. 211 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,680 NINA SLURPS DRINK 212 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,080 I dunno. 213 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,080 I think I'd be...a little bit traumatised 214 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,720 if I saw my grandad's head in the Natural History Museum. 215 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,320 Oh, you wouldn't know it was him. 216 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,520 All the flesh is gone - it's just the skull. 217 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,680 Unless you've got a degree in forensic anthropology 218 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,840 and facial reconstruction? 219 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,120 Not one of my many side hustles, no. 220 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,000 Do you watch football? 221 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,520 - No. - Right. 222 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,200 Do you? 223 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,600 Not religiously, but I'm a Raith Rovers fan. 224 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,960 They're shite but I love them. 225 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,080 If your football team is shite, 226 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,000 then why don't you choose a better football team? 227 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,920 HE SIGHS 228 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:07,000 - AFFECTS YORKSHIRE ACCENT: - One does not simply choose a better team. 229 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,040 I get that one. That's Lord of the Rings. 230 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,880 Bor... Oh! 231 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,880 NINA GASPS 232 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,040 Oh, sorry! Ah... 233 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,840 - Sorry. Do you want me to... - No! 234 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,080 No, OK, yeah. 235 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,240 - No, it's fine. I'll be back. - I... Honestly, I can... 236 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,800 Mm-mm. Yeah, OK... 237 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,040 It's just because I've not... 238 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,160 Glasses. 239 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,280 Erm... 240 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,280 Why isn't this easy? 241 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,040 Come on, Nina. 242 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,640 - WOMAN: - Come on, Nina! 243 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,840 Oh, no... 244 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,120 No! 245 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,960 You know, if it's hurting you shouldn't force it. 246 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,520 That's how you get piles. 247 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,040 I'm not shitting. I'm stuck in the toilet. 248 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,880 That happened to my cousin once. 249 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,400 She sued the airline. 250 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,680 Not in the bowl - in the cubicle. 251 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:06,760 Oh. 252 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,640 - You need to go get Lee. - Who's Lee? 253 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,600 Erm, he's got blue eyes and he's wearing a stripy shirt 254 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,320 and he's got this, like, jocular but still handsome face? 255 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,040 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 256 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,400 Come on. 257 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,480 I can't see anyone that looks jocular and handsome. 258 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,040 He's got a shit mullet. 259 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,360 Ah! 260 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,240 Excuse me. 261 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800 Your friend's stuck in the toilet. 262 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,800 Not, like, IN - 263 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,120 in the toilet. 264 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,680 - Right. - Just in the toilet. 265 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,520 So... 266 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,400 Oh, OK. 267 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,720 SPLASHING 268 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,720 Oh, fuck! 269 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,000 Oh...think! 270 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,440 Think, Nina, think! 271 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,000 Urgh! 272 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,160 Hello! 273 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,520 SHE SIGHS 274 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,520 Hiya. 275 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,200 You OK? 276 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,520 No. 277 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,880 I'm stuck and I broke the lock. 278 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,040 Nina... 279 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,520 ..Step back from the door. 280 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,120 SHE SIGHS 281 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,840 Oh! 282 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,200 Ow... 283 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,600 Thanks. 284 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,320 When I tell people how I saved your life 285 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,800 I'm gonna edit out the "ouch" bit. 286 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,280 Can you also edit out the bit where it looks like 287 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,680 I've waded in a toilet bowl? 288 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,560 No. See, it's, erm... 289 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:17,760 It's a story about how cool and heroic I am, so I'm... 290 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,720 I'm probably gonna keep the pissy leg in. 291 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,040 - Nina? - What? 292 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,000 You're a WAP. 293 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,840 What? 294 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:32,160 - A wet-ass palaeontologist. - HE LAUGHS 295 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,200 Shut up. 296 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,640 Why don't we, erm, start this thing over, eh? 297 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,040 I think we both came in a bit too weird. 298 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,920 I really wish I could, but, erm, 299 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,720 I have a dress fitting at three o'clock, 300 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,080 and my sister needs me. 301 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,960 You should've said. We could've rescheduled. 302 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,840 I didn't know that was something I could do. 303 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,240 Bye, Lee. 304 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,200 - Bye, Nina! - Bye! 305 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,800 Bye. 306 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,600 DRAMATIC MUSIC 307 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,400 Stop! 308 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,760 Wait! 309 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,000 BABY CRIES 310 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,480 I should've stretched. 311 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,480 PHONE RINGS 312 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,560 - MAN SHOUTING: - No, I didn't! 313 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,600 - WOMAN: - No, so I said to her, "No, Catherine, I'll think 314 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,600 "you'll find that I was given Slimmer of the Week, 315 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,160 "and it's interesting that you've pacifically called me out on 316 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,160 - "your Facebook post..." - Specifically. - Aye! 317 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,440 - Specifically. - Pacifically! 318 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,920 - Exactly. - It's specifically. - The cow tagged me pacifically. 319 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,240 Specifically. It's specifically, it's specifically, 320 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,880 - it's specifically. - Hold on, Angela. There's a woman whispering 321 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,480 - something at me on the bus. - Specifically. - Can I help you? 322 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,400 It's specifically! 323 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,520 Sorry. SHE RINGS STOP BELL 324 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,560 DRAMATIC MUSIC 325 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,560 Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 326 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,240 Ohh! 327 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,560 I got stuck in the toilet on my date and then my bus was late. 328 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,600 Ugh! And then I got cramp because I didn't stretch. 329 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,160 I'm so sorry. 330 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,160 SQUAWKING 331 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,440 Is that a bird? 332 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,720 SQUEAKING 333 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,440 Nina, I thought you were going to postpone seeing your wee friend. 334 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,840 You said that and then I groaned noncommittally. 335 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,680 Why is there a bird in a dress shop? 336 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,000 Was the date at least good? 337 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,520 No, Amber, it wasn't at least good. It was rubbish. 338 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,120 Och, no. What happened? 339 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,320 Somebody planned a dress fitting in the middle of it. 340 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,760 Oh, ha-ha-ha! 341 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,000 Nina, this is Cecily. 342 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,320 SHE HUMS TO BIRD 343 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,520 She did the bridesmaids dresses for Davina McCall's second wedding. 344 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,880 Oh, it was a beautiful reception. 345 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,440 Sting was there. 346 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,160 He played Brown Eyed Girl on his lute. 347 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,760 Oh, and I take it you're the late girl? 348 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,280 She's sweaty, Clancy. 349 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,600 Fan her! 350 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,480 Oh! 351 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,240 Cecily, this is my big sister, Nina. 352 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,640 She's a palaeontologist and my Maid of Honour. 353 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,640 - No. - Let's just take it off, Nina. - No, I don't want to. 354 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,120 Mm-hm-hm... 355 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,120 I've got a few options that could fit her. 356 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,640 Pop in the changing room and take your clothes off. 357 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,040 Davina can do a full costume change in 17 seconds 358 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,120 and not a word of a complaint from her. 359 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,240 Help me! 360 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,800 Nina... 361 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,800 PARROT WHISTLES 362 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,800 ..you look like a princess. 363 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,360 I think it just needs a little styling. 364 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,800 Otherwise it's great. 365 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,240 Mm, it's stunning. 366 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,560 It draws the eye in, it distracts. 367 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,040 SQUEAKING 368 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,440 God, I'm good! 369 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,920 Let me just see where it doesn't fit. 370 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,000 Turn. That's it. 371 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Now up, and down. 372 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,200 PARROT WHISTLES 373 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,360 Malcolm! 374 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,360 MALCOLM SQUAWKS 375 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,760 I don't like it. 376 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,359 I'm sorry. It's just... 377 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,119 It's very itchy and hot. 378 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,920 That's OK - that's what the fitting's for. 379 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,160 Do you want a fan? Clancy! 380 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,560 CLANCY SNAPS FAN OPEN 381 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,040 - Evie... - Oh. 382 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,400 Nina, we just need to fix the sleeves, nip in the waist, 383 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,440 then it's perfect. 384 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,000 - Please stop it. I'm just gonna wear something else. - No, but... 385 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,920 But then you won't co-ordinate with the others. 386 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:25,960 I don't care about that. 387 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,000 Yeah, but I care! 388 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,680 Nina, just take a deep breath. Let her do her job. 389 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,280 Please stop managing me. 390 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,640 I'm not. I'm just trying to help. 391 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,480 You're not helping - you're making it worse! 392 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,840 MALCOLM SQUAWKS I'm not wearing this stupid dress. 393 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,920 MALCOLM WHISTLES 394 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,360 Have you got any prosecco? 395 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,480 Yes, we do! 396 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,560 I need to go home... 397 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,520 I need to go home. 398 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,680 PARROT SQUAWKING INCREASINGLY LOUD MUSIC 399 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:07,960 MALCOLM WHISTLES 400 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,320 I need to go. 401 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,280 - Nina... - I don't want to be like this in front of these people, OK? 402 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,240 OK. I can come with you? 403 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,280 No, thank you. 404 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,680 MALCOLM SQUAWKS 405 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,960 What did I do? 406 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,160 Don't worry. 407 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,880 Nina's not traumatised or anything. 408 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,040 She's just autistic. 409 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,640 Oh. 410 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,280 Malcolm has OCD. 411 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,120 MALCOLM: Sweaty girl, sweaty girl! 412 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,040 CACOPHONOUS MUSIC 413 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:41,040 FUUUUUCK! 414 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,040 MUSIC STOPS 415 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,200 Working on you manifesto? 416 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,840 Shit! 417 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,080 Bo! 418 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,640 Oh, you gave me such a fright. What are you doing here? 419 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,120 I was having a siesta. 420 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,920 Hilda won't let me move back in... 421 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,080 ..until she's reabsorbed her energy from the flat. 422 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,360 I told you she was a sponge. 423 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,080 You know she can't stop you from going home? 424 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,560 I'm scared. 425 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,840 Hexes aren't real. 426 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,240 I'm no scared she'll hex me, Nina. 427 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,760 I'm scared that this is it for me. 428 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,960 That this... 429 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,400 That this is my life! 430 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,640 Here. 431 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:47,960 Thanks. 432 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,480 You're welcome. 433 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,480 CAT MEOW RINGTONE 434 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,880 Oh, speak of the devil and she shall call. 435 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,880 Are you not gonna answer it? 436 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,880 No, I have to let it ring out. 437 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,920 If I reject the call, it starts a whole... 438 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,240 ..thing. 439 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,240 RINGING CONTINUES 440 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,280 She's very persistent for a vegan. 441 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,720 RINGING STOPS 442 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,400 - Evie texted. - Mmm. 443 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,400 She says you went fucking mental at the fitting. 444 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,520 Is that what she said? 445 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,720 No. She said that you were upset and she was worried. 446 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,720 The dress lady kept tugging at me, 447 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,760 and Evie kept fussing, 448 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,000 and there was a bird in the shop. 449 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,160 And Evie expected me to change my plans for her, 450 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,920 but I had things to do - I had a date. 451 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,160 And I wanted to do both. I can do both things. 452 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,720 Normal people can do both things. 453 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,800 Wait a minute. You went out with an actual person? 454 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,360 - Mm-hm. - Was it like an episode of the Undateables? 455 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,000 No! 456 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,040 It was worse. 457 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,200 I fell in a toilet. 458 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,440 BO LAUGHS 459 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,920 It was awkward and awful and I was preoccupied. 460 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,960 Aye, cause you knew you had somewhere else to be. 461 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,280 I only had somewhere else to be because Evie changed 462 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,600 the date of the dress fitting! 463 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,360 She wants me to make everything about her, 464 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:02,560 but in a couple of weeks' time she's gonna abandon me for some... 465 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,200 ..soy boy wet wipe who makes her... 466 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,160 AFFECTS ENGLISH ACCENT: ..gut-friendly pasta from Firenze. 467 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,920 Evie won't abandon you. 468 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,040 The girl cannae make a cup of tea on her own. 469 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,320 She needs you. 470 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,560 You're her person. 471 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:18,680 Now she's got a new person. 472 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,120 No, she doesn't. She's got someone to take her to dinners 473 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,160 and tell her she's pretty. She'll still need you to check her spelling 474 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,200 and help her with work and watch the Real House-MILFs of Atlantis. 475 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,040 The Real Housewives of Atlanta. And you know that, Bo. 476 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,960 I've heard it both ways. 477 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,600 I can't believe you watch that shite. You're a scientist, Nina! 478 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,560 Says the mathematician who let his girlfriend convince him 479 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,840 - to get a sage enema. - Ahh! 480 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,000 - I told Evie that in confidence. - Ha! 481 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,920 I like The Real Housewives because they do a thing 482 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,560 and then it cuts to them sitting in front of a camera, 483 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,280 explaining why they did what they did. 484 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,200 You never need wonder with a Real Housewife. 485 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,320 Evie gets it. 486 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,640 Well, of course she does. 487 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,200 You two freaks get each other. 488 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,440 Do you think you just amputate your whole family 489 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,240 when you've got someone new in your life? 490 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,640 - No? - No. - No. - No. 491 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,160 Besides, if you two didn't have each other, she'd have a face tattoo 492 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,080 and you'd be wearing the same outfit every day like a cartoon character. 493 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,000 She would look good with a face tattoo. 494 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,920 Thank you, Bo. 495 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,360 I know that I say I need Evie but... 496 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,560 ..I need you too. 497 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,680 I can see your testicles. 498 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,680 HE GASPS 499 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:35,920 Ha-ha! Made you look. 500 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,440 Bastard. 501 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,120 PHONE RINGS 502 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,120 Ooh! 503 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,320 Is that your fancy man? 504 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,400 Mm-hm. 505 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,800 Tell him I said, "Run." 506 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,280 NINA HISSES 507 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,880 PHONE VIBRATES 508 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:30,560 Hello? 509 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,880 Hi. I got home all right. Erm... 510 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,480 My dress fitting was awful and I screamed in a bush. 511 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,680 Don't worry. 512 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,400 I've actually been in the exact same situation. 513 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,040 SHE CHUCKLES 514 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,000 You'll look back on today and laugh. 515 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,360 I'm more a 'look back on things and die inside' type of girl, 516 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,600 like our awkward date. 517 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,360 I liked the bit where you started talking about grandad corpses. 518 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:56,600 No, don't! 519 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,040 No, no, it was good. 520 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,080 You'd be amazed how rarely on a date I get to hear the words, 521 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,160 "Death is death". 522 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,880 Well, it is, and if you like that you should hear the rest of 523 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,680 my witty date banter. 524 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,000 Ooh. 525 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,480 Is it saucy? 526 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,000 If you're into fossilised shark faeces then buckle up, son. 527 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,240 Save it for the second date! 528 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,000 Is there a second date? 529 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,800 Eh... 530 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,920 If-if-if you have the time. 531 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,640 I can make time. 532 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,200 DOOR OPENS 533 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,360 Evie? 534 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,200 I'm sorry about today. 535 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,960 I should've changed the date of my date. 536 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,360 Thank you. 537 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:25,840 I'm really sorry too. 538 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,360 I was being really pushy. 539 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,400 And there was a bird and I know you hate birds. 540 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,560 I do hate birds. 541 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:34,600 Night, Nina. 542 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,360 Night, Evie. 543 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,120 - RANESH: - Goodnight, Neen-meister! 544 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:42,040 Night... 545 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,040 ..Neshinald! 546 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,080 Ooh... 547 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,560 Neshinald - I like that! 548 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,560 NINA LAUGHS 549 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:56,240 MUSIC: It's Not Doing Me Any Good by Theo Bleak 38305

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