All language subtitles for Dinosaur (2024) S01E02

This programme contains
very strong language

People have this image of scientists
as antisocial, rigid and autistic.

- But I am.
- You're autistic?
- Mm-hm.
- Of course.

I'm pretty sure Declan is too.

- I'm engaged!
- To who?

- Ranesh.
- The TikTok advertising man
with the concave arse?

It's just a rustic peasant dish
that I picked up

during my summer in Firenze.

Mum and Dad are not going to be
happy about this.

We're so happy about this!

What did I miss?

- Evie's going bankrupt Mum and Dad.
- What else is new?

- AMERICAN ACCENT:
- There's
a new coffee sheriff in town.

I like to give people a chance.

Nina, will you be
my maid of honour?

Yeah! Yeah.

So it's funny because the title
is a pun.

So, it's not M-A-I-D of honour.

It's M-A-D-E of honour

because Patrick Dempsey's made to be
the maid of honour.

- Ooh, Patrick Dempsey.
- Get a bucket and a mop.

- BOTH:
- Aaah!

The baby blues, am I right?

HE SLURPS

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is

because last night I had
an epiphany.

Yes, when you asked me to
be your maid of honour, I was shook.

But then, I thought, if
Patrick Dempsey can do a good job

for the first half of
the 2008 romcom Made Of Honor

before he ruins the wedding,
then so can I.

OMG! There she is!

SCREAMING

- You invited her?!
- Yes.

- It's Mad Amber.
- Oh, it is just Amber now.

Because mental health is...no joke.

This is a girl who made a shrine to
you in your first year of uni, Evie!

It was a friendship collage,
and she's not like that any more.

Look! Oh, my God,
Oh, my God, Oh, my God!

THEY SHRIEK AND LAUGH

Babe, you look un-fucking-real.

- Amber, you're literally the hottest
thing in Glasgow right now.
- Stop!

You both look exactly how you always
look every time you see each other.

Ranesh. You're smaller in real life.

Hi, Nina.
Congrats on being Evie's "moh".

Oh, I'm not Evie's ma.
I'm her sister.

No, not ma. Moh.

- Moh?
- M-O-H. Maid of honour.

You'll get with the lingo
eventually.

It's OK you didn't ask me
to be MOH, Evie.

After eight tries as MOH,

I'm actually so relieved to just be
a bridesmaid this time.

AMBER LAUGHS

So, are we set on a plan yet?

Plan?

Ranesh's Dad, Sachin,
is coming to town this weekend.

And I, for one, can't wait for him
to break bread with my sweet lady

and meet the family.

And we'll share the happy news!

Wait, you've not told him
that you're getting married?

- It's been a week.
- You can't just
drop a bomb like that, Nina.

Especially not to someone
like Sachin.

Basically, Neens, Dad isn't
super easy to talk to

and down to earth, like me.

I mean, I totally get his vibe
but other people,

well, they find him a little
intimidating at first.

Which is totally funny to me because
I don't find him scary at all!

- Hmm, you do a bit.
- A little bit, yeah.

Sachin is a very
well-respected art critic.

He can kill a show at Art Basel
with a single look.

Dad actually exposed the
Wynona Gallery

for displaying a fake Kandinsky.

We need to impress him.

Yeah, we need to razzle-dazzle him.

Oh, we don't razzle nor dazzle,
we're Scottish.

Let's just take him to Mum and Dad's
and feed him lasagne.

Or drinks at Scribble!

Oh, my actual God! Yes!

It's the place Amber works.
It's perfect!

It's the most chic bar in Glasgow,
Ranesh.

Papa will be delighted.

I've recently been promoted
to deputy manager.

Ha! Glass ceiling - who?

Amber, that's such amazing news!

It's a huge responsibility.

Of course, of course.

So, we all just have to put forward
the best version of ourself.

Then, once he likes us,
we will tell him we're engaged.

So, no in-jokes, no swearing
and no personal stories...

..especially those that involve
my heavy drinking.

So to impress this man,

we're all just going to pretend
to be people we're not?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hm. I do it all the time.

And we're going to just keep doing
that for ever and ever?

At the wedding,
every time we see him,

Christmas, Easter, all
the major holidays, until he dies.

Like we're a big fake Kandinsky?

- Exactly!
- You got it!
- Yeah!

What about "you do you"?

CORK POPS

Oh, it's so good to have a coffee

with all my favourite people before
starting the daily grind.

Evie, your eyeballs are all trembly.

You look like an anxious chihuahua.
Is everything all right?

I know Ranesh seems like this
gorgeous devil-may-care hunk,

but he's always been really
desperate for his dad's approval.

He even does this...

- DEEP VOICE:
- ..fake low voice when they talk

to each other on the phone.

- NORMAL VOICE:
- So, if Sachin doesn't
approve of the engagement,

I'm really worried that he's going
to call off the whole wedding.

I didn't tell you this before,

because I knew you'd get all judgy,
but Ranesh has a...

..history of impulsive
romantic decisions.

No?

He was catfished by a woman
called Sandra, OK?

But the police said the case was
so elaborate that it could have

happened to literally anyone.

So I'm really worried that he's not

going to be 100% on board with us
getting married so quickly.

He might have a point.

Look, I know that you think we're
completely off our heads,

but ever since Ranesh
proposed to me,

it's just been this really special
thing that's just for me.

And everyone's really proud of me,
and I've never had that before.

So I just want us to get married
as quickly as we can

so I can hold on to that feeling
for as long as possible.

SHE SIGHS

But, ideally, we would ease him
into this, you know,

take our time getting to know
the family, meeting Mum and Dad.

And you need a TED talk

and three manuals before you speak
to Mad Amber.

True. But Sachin is in Glasgow
for one night

and one night only on his way
to Berlin.

So we have this one
casual drinks at Scribble

to make him like me, meet his whole
extended family-to-be

- and convince him that we are nothing
like Sandra.
- I will....

I will channel our romcom
lord and saviour Patrick Dempsey,

and I will make sure everyone
is on their bestest behaviour.

- And just one other wee thing.
- Mm-hm?

You know that refreshing,
freewheeling honesty of yours

- that we all love so much?
- Mm-hm?

I'm not asking you to change it,

but could you cover it
for the night? Maybe?

Do you want me to catfish
Ranesh's dad?

Yes.

Urgh, fine.

Aww, thank you, Nina.

- Mm-hm.
- Best maid of honour ever.

That's cos you've got nothing
to compare me to.

We need a name for
our extra foam latte.

- Any takers on the name yet?
- No.

Well, no, there's one suggestion.

But, er, it's mine and it's shit.

Foam Alone.

So, if you build it, they will come.

You know, you don't need a jazzy
name. Your coffee speaks for itself.

Mmm, in an ideal world, yes.

But we all have to dress ourselves
up a bit to get on in life,

- don't we?
- You sound just like my sister.

Hmm, her, erm, concave-arsed fiance,
was he the worst man in the world?

- Currently living?
- Mm.
- Then yes.

Oh, no...

Anyway, she wants us all to put on
a mask and pretend to be

something we're not
to impress his dad.

- Because he did a show on Art Basel.
- What's that?

I have no idea!

But I've been down that road before,
pretending to be something I'm not.

I tried for years to be normal
and I just came off as more weird.

I'm the girl
who spent her adolescence

trying not to be autistic.
It wasn't as fun as it sounds.

I get that. When I was 16
I blacked out at a house party

and my mates set fire to my pubes.

I had to pretend that
I was, like, raging and embarrassed

but they didn't know that I'd only
just started growing pubes,

like, three weeks before that.

So I was just buzzin'
they knew I had them to begin with.

I'll never forget that smell,
though.

Anyway, erm, ach,
maybe it's just about being, like...

..like the best version of yourself,
you know?

Like, if I was ever
to meet your parents,

I'd want to make a good impression.

As your hot drink technician.

I mean, my drinks are hot. Not me.

Thank you.

My pubes grew back!

Sorry. What... What can I get you?

- Can I have a flat white
and a biscotti, please?
- Yes!

PHONE BEEPS

Did everyone see? Dr Catherine Dunne
posted a vacancy online

that's getting the Dinosaur gang
hot under the collar.

Yeah, I've always thought Dr Dunne
was a bit overrated,

- for what it's worth.
- Apart from the
fact that she discovered, like,

the first armoured dinosaur
in 130 years, yeah?

She turned me down for a job once.

Anyway, look at me now. I've got
a corner office and my own toilet.

You only have your own toilet
cause none of us

want to go in after you, Shane.

You know, you've really got to be
a performing monkey

if you want to get anywhere
as a palaeontology media type.

And I wasn't prepared to do that.

No, not even for a guest spot
on In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg.

Disguise can be
a bitter fruit to chew.

SQUELCHING

You wore it!
You look like a goddess!

I look like I'm in a militia!

Ranesh and Evie are over there.
I'll sort the drinks.

Nina, you look so chic.

That's right, I've buttoned
into my military-grade jumpsuit

and buckled in
for the Operation Dad meet,

so don't worry, there will be
no radical honesty from me tonight.

- Perfect.
- Except, am I allowed to
tell the story about the time

you shat yourself in Zante
wearing wee white hot pants?

Nina!

Seriously, though, do not tell him

- that I had to repeat second year
of uni.
- I wasn't going to.

Or let Dad get drunk and go on
and on about his furniture shop.

- Oh, God.
- What?
- Dad's teetotal.
He gave up a few weeks ago.

And you let us plan
a casual drinks gathering?

Oh, my God! What was I thinking?!

This has nothing to do
with anything,

but is that a cowboy hat
or a trilby?

I told you, it's not 2005!

He's here.

Dad...

Dad?

- His glasses are really small.
- Don't say anything.

I know, but I really want to.

- May I introduce mon amour?
- That's French for love.

Well, that was practically Masonic.

I'm Nina.

- Nina.
- Can I take your jacket?
- I'll, er, keep it on.

- So have you come very far?
- From
where I started, I would say so.

- Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool.
- Incredible!

- I just love art.
- It brings people together.

Well, that's a naive statement. Art
is a corporate entity these days.

Well, look at us.
All standing together.

It's nice, standing, isn't it?

Just standing and talking
and thinking and feeling and...

Yeah.

- Can I... Can I help you?
- I'm Amber, Evie's best friend.

- I'm the deputy manager here.
- Great. Get me a soda water.

Are you sure? We've got
this lovely cherry cremant...

He wants soda water, Amber!

So, Papa, have, erm...

- Oh, my God.
- ..have you been busy lately?

Busy is a very bourgeois concept.

- What is Mum wearing?
- Don't worry
about it, I'm going to sort it out.

Ahem. Excuse me, gentlemen,
I'm going to go away and then,

at some point, I shall return.

So, keep on being you two.

Shall we?

Wow, this bar! Must be quite
a stimulating space for you, Nina.

Mm-hm. Did you two not get Amber's
12 emails about how to dress chic?

- No, no, we did!
- Do you like my new shawl?

I'm currently not allowed
to be myself

so I can't tell you
what I think about your ugly shawl.

The lady in the shop said
Helen Mirren has the same one.

- Oh, I love Helen Mirren!
- Ick, Dad! You look boiling, Mother.

Would you like me to take your
horse blanket to the cloakroom?

No! I bought it especially.
After a lot of discussion,

we decided this was definitely chic,
without being too...

..mother-of-the-bride.

Uh-uh, remember, we're going to get
Sachin to like us and then tell him

about the engagement, and then we're
going to tell him about the wedding.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The big reveal!
- Indeed.

Also, just so you know...

- ..he's posh!
- Ooh!

No. I mean, English posh.

Ah... I get it.

- Mm-hm.
- So we have to be less...

- ..you.
- Cool.
- Less.

- Is it cool?
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?

CLATTERING, GLASS SMASHES

Yes, Chef!

- But I'm only leaving cos I want to.
- Bo!

Nina!

What were you doing in the kitchen?
Is that Mezcal?

- I know what that means.
- No...
- Mm-hm,

it means you've had a fight
with Hilda!

She's always trying to change me.
But, listen,

it is different this time,
cos I told HER where to go.

- Wha-a-at?!
- It's not different, it's the same!

You have a fight with Hilda,
you get off your tits on Mezcal,

and then you become a liability.
Why have you done this tonight?!

You always told me to speak my mind!

I do say that a lot.

- Is his dad here yet?
- Yes. And he has
the world's tiniest glasses

and I'm not allowed
to talk about it. No!

- Let me at him. I'll be a right
charming bastard.
- Absolutely not.

I don't care, Gina,
I'm not your therapist.

Amber! Amber!

I'm on the clock, Nina.

Amber, my brother is very drunk
and you need to sober him up.

Do not let him out of your sight.

Please help me, Amber.
You're my only hope.

Fine.

- If you really need me...
- Great.

Did you watch the Rangers
and Celtic last night?

Erm, no.

Here, you must be an important cunt

- because I've been told not to tell
any of my good stories.
- Dad!

Ach, he knows I don't mean
anything by it, don't you, pal?

- Sachin is a well-respected
art critic.
- Oh?

- He can kill a show at Art Basel
with a single look.
- For my sins.

ENGLISH ACCENT:
Art Bas-il? I love it there.

- Basel.
- English accent?
What the fuck?

- It's not what it used to be.
When did you go?
- Erm...

Well, I mean, I, er...
I meant to go.

Adrian is something of an artist,
Dad.

- Oh? And what is your medium?
- Benches.

That's unusual.
What does your work say?

Well, Sachin, when my furniture
starts talking to me,

I know I've inhaled
too much varnish.

Rein it in!
What are you working on, Sachin?

Well, I've become quite interested
in decoupage in recent years.

Well, life begins at 60.

I'm 51.

So, decoupage is, erm...

Erm...

Evie, I need to go to the bathroom

and I struggle with all
the buttons on this big boiler suit.

- Will you come with me, please?
- Uh-huh.
- OK, awesome.

Oh, no! No, no, no!

NEAR—SILENT SCREAM

Evie! You need to
pull yourself together.

I can't. I can't.

It's too much, it's too...

The handshake! I shook his thumb!

I shook his thumb! Nina, who does
that!? Do you think he noticed?

- Yeah, I think he probably did.
- I'm normally so good with parents!

And what is going on
with Mum and Dad?

Evie, I have not mentioned
that man's tiny glasses one time,

and it is all I want to do.

We have put our personalities
in a box, aside, for you,

to impress this man. Now if I can do
it, and I'm literally autistic,

- then you can do it.
You've got this.
- I can do this.

- You do this.
- I can do this.
- You can do this.

There is nobody better at being fake
in a social situation

than you, babe.

- Thank you, that means a lot.
- You're welcome.

Where's Bo?

- He had a fight with Hilda.
- Oh, my God...
- No. Don't worry.

Got it all under control.
I'm holding down the fort.

- Everything's going to be fine.
- Yeah.
- We're going to go back in there.

- We're going to get a round of
drinks.
- Yeah!

You're going to take it in the dick,
not literally,

cos we'll get arrested.
We're going to knock 'em dead.

- Come on! Yeah. OK.
- Let's do it!

OK, here we go, she's a raging bull!

Can I get another round of drinks,
please?

- Where's Bo?
- Peek-a-Bo!

Oh! You let him behind the bar?
Amber!

I've got it under control,
you silly goose.

If you're going to be Evie's MOH
you have to chill out. Here.

Have some of our cherry cremant
in a special baseless glass.

Fuck me, Nina, this is brutal.

I mean, none of my bench stories
are landing.

- Is this lighter fluid?!
- No, it's cherry cremant.

- How can I be someone else? This is
all I've got.
- Just do what I do.

Just take all of your bad feelings
and thoughts and push them down

into a little ball in your stomach.

Like, I think about Sachin's tiny,
tiny glasses, just push it down.

And then when I get home,
I scream into my pillow.

- Oh? Is that what you were
doing in your bedroom?
- Yes.

- If that fails, just agree with him.
- With everything he says?

- Even if I don't agree?
- Mm-hm.
Just tilt your head and smile

and say, "I agree."
Men love it when you do that.

- All right.
- And fix your tie.
You look like a pervert professor.

Well, yes,
this generation is impulsive.

- I always say it.
- Very impulsive, this generation.

I completely agree with you and
I was about to say that same thing.

But it can be good to be
impulsive...sometimes.

- Follow your heart.
- Oh, come on,
Ranesh. Use your critical faculties.

It's this sort of thinking
that got you catfished.

Sandra said she really needed
that small business loan.

It's all this living
from one dopamine hit to the next.

One dopamine hit to the next.
Exactly. We always say that.

- Don't we, Di?
- Good heavens, yes!
Heavens! Heavens!

- Taking the plunge.
- Walking on a knife edge.

Exactly! What's the need?

- No need.
- No. No need.

Anyway...Ranesh?

Yes, yes, so...

..Daddy, Evie and I, we've got
something we'd like to...

..tell you...

- We went to London!
- The big smoke.
- He took me up the Shard.

And we went to the Tate Modern.
Art!

Erm, we saw the one with, erm,
the lines and the...the colours...

It was the...the...hmm?

The Rothko!

It's called The Rothko.

Was that it?

I mean, I thought for a second
you were going to tell me

that you were engaged.

Oh, I wouldn't put anything
past Ranesh.

Six weeks and then engaged. Ha!
That would be...that would be wild.

I thought I was a Gemini, but
I think I'm on the cusp of Taurus.

- Wait, what's that new one
they invented?
- Jellyfish.

People call me that all the time.

I sting people
if they get too close.

Hilda's a Gemini, but I'm a Scorpio

and they're, like, incompatible with
Geminis, so she made me a Libra.

Fuck that!
Fuck changing ourselves for love.

- We should live our truth.
- Live our truth.

Yeah, break away from the binds
of tradition, like Malala before us.

Or Harry and Meghan.

Wait. We've also been banished
by your family.

Forced to live in the shadows.

But we will not stand for it
any more. Evie needs me!

Let's Megxit those dobbers.

You are so funny.

Evie never told me
she had a brother.

A big brother.

- Such an interesting job you have,
Sachin.
- It has its moments.

- Bo...
- Oh!
- Oh, my gosh!

- What is he doing?
- I told Amber to look after him!

We're not going to be
in the shadows any more.

The Big Cheese. I'm Bo.
I'm Evie's brother,

but she probably hasn't said that
cos she's embarrassed of me.

I'm so glad you two
have finally met.

Bo, why don't you
go and sort yourself out?

I'm fine. I'm just...

- SLURRED:
- I'm just feeling a bit...
worse for the wear.

I had a...a fight
with my girlfriend.

You know how it is.
She's a bit...

But don't worry, Evie,

I won't invite her
to your big wedding next month.

- Fuck's sake!
- What? What wedding?

- Oops.
- Dad, we, um,
we were going to tell you.

- Something to celebrate?
Cremant?
- He doesn't drink, Amber!

Oh! My white shirt!

- Salt!
- Enzymes! Enzymes! White wine!

Fuck's sake, dab it!

- Dab, dab, dab.
- Get off me!

Who are you people?

- Right, well, I'll just...
- No, wait!

Erm, if you want to know who we are,

Mum isn't English.

Dad sells garden furniture.

Bo... Well, Bo's always like that.
He's very damaged.

And Ranesh doesn't wear
cowboy trilbies.

And Evie is my sister.

And she's a really great
and thoughtful and creative person.

And she once shat her pants
in a nightclub in Zante.

And they were white hot pants
and Mum tried to get them clean

using baking soda
but she spread it everywhere

and it was such a mess and I'm not
supposed to tell that story.

I don't know why, cos it's a fun
story and it makes me happy

to tell it. And we have spent this
entire evening pretending

to be people we're not, to try and
get you to like us, which doesn't

make any sense because you're not
very nice and I need to know...

..why are your glasses so tiny?!

Well, I, um...

- ..I think they make me
look more interesting than I am.
- Oh.

Oh, well, fair enough.

Thank you for your honesty, I guess.

You know, er,

I once shat my pants
at the Biennale.

LAUGHTER

It was everywhere!

I don't actually work here!

- Well, son, congratulations
are in order.
- More cremant?

LOW CHATTER

Oh, hi!

Oh!

- I just bashed my coccyx.
- What?

Er, I just... Well, no, it's...

I was thinking about
your double foam latte name.

Oh, jeez. That.

Foamward Bound.

Foam... I like that.
That's, er, that's fun.

- I know.
- The rest were just...
filth.

I know you said that we have to
dress up to get along,

but dressing up only works
for a wee bit of time and then...

Then you just have to be yourself,
you know, you can't...

You can't hide who you are for ever.

You can't go about catfishing people
for the rest of your life.

I think you should be honest
off the bat. I think straight away

you should say, "I'm weird,"
and not pretend.

Yeah.

So, do you want to go with me
to get a not hot beverage

at some point soon?

A cold beverage?

Yes.

Wow!

Erm...well, yeah!

- Yeah, OK.
- OK.

Wow! Let's do it!

Cool.

Oh...

MUSIC: Sun Behind The Storm
by Robin Adams

# If we have been
beaten by the weather

# And if our days have grown cold

# We would do better to remember

# There's always
sun behind the storm

# If we are clouded by the darkness

# And if our hearts stood by... #