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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:03,152 Life... it's literally all we have. 2 00:00:03,152 --> 00:00:04,475 But is it any good? 3 00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:08,140 I'm a reviewer, but I don't review food, books, or movies. 4 00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,240 I review life itself. 5 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,580 Viva la revolucion! 6 00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:18,220 Aah! Aah! 7 00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:25,650 ☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.MY-SUBS.com❃ 8 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,480 Welcome to Review. 9 00:00:27,490 --> 00:00:30,030 I'm Forrest MacNeil, performing an important service to society 10 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,190 by reviewing life experiences. 11 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,240 And I am ably assisted, as always, by A.J. Gibbs. 12 00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,660 - Hi, Forrest. - Hi. 13 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,380 - Let's get right to it, shall we? - Yes! 14 00:00:38,390 --> 00:00:39,990 - What's my first review? - All right, Forrest. 15 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,410 This next question comes to us 16 00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:44,170 from Olivia, in Swarthmore, Pennsylvania. 17 00:00:44,180 --> 00:00:46,420 My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years, 18 00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:48,420 and he's still not ready to get married. 19 00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:49,890 But I don't get why it's taking so long. 20 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,840 I mean, if you've found the right person, 21 00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:56,380 wouldn't it be just as good to marry them the day you met them? 22 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,850 Oh, my God, Forrest, are you gonna marry someone? 23 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:01,020 Uh, yes. 24 00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,430 - I think I'm gonna cry. - Really? 25 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:03,720 Oh, yeah, I'm really happy for you, 26 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,350 'cause you seem lonely. 27 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,070 I seem lonely because I am, yes. 28 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,860 That's right. I'm incredibly lonely. 29 00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:10,440 - Yeah. - So, yeah. 30 00:01:10,450 --> 00:01:15,030 To this Review, I say, "I do." 31 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,230 Handsome, athletic, and completely normal 32 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,290 media professional seeks wife today. 33 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,590 I hadn't tried to reenter the dating pool 34 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,590 since divorcing my wife, Suzanne. 35 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,130 Was I about to find a woman who would make me 36 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:30,800 forget all the good times of my first marriage? 37 00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:33,630 It seemed impossible, but I was willing to be proven wrong. 38 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,720 With a pink carnation in my lapel, 39 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:41,270 I will be prepared to marry the first woman who joins me. 40 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,090 You can imagine the excitement I felt as I waited 41 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:47,730 for my new wife to walk through that door. 42 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:51,570 But as 6:00 became 7:00... 43 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:53,930 And then 7:30, 44 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,070 I began to consider different approaches, 45 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,790 such as targeting undocumented immigrants or closeted lesbians. 46 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,960 And then, everything changed. 47 00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:06,580 Thank God, you're still here. 48 00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:09,280 Oh, my God. 49 00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:11,620 - Uh, yes, hello. - Hello. 50 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,420 Uh... 51 00:02:13,430 --> 00:02:14,510 I'm... I'm Forrest. 52 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,590 - Hi, I'm Eliza. - Eliza. 53 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,180 - Wow, okay. - Wow. 54 00:02:18,190 --> 00:02:20,090 Uh, thank you for coming. 55 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,760 - Thank you. - Okay. 56 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:24,650 Eliza exuded a sense of wonder about the world 57 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,630 that was positively infectious. 58 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,150 It's gonna sound crazy, but I feel like 59 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,270 the hand of the universe is always guiding us in ways that 60 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,480 - we can't possibly understand. - Huh. 61 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:36,940 And all we can do is just not fight it. 62 00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:40,450 I had never met anyone like her before in my life. 63 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,830 Amazing. 64 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:45,200 - So I'm not a big dream person... - Hmm. 65 00:02:45,210 --> 00:02:47,130 But I do have this recurring dream that 66 00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:48,490 I live on a submarine. 67 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,870 it's... I know it sounds crazy, 68 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,840 - but it's... it's a dream. - Yeah. 69 00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:54,680 So, I was on the Internet today, trying to figure out 70 00:02:54,690 --> 00:02:56,680 if I could maybe visit one sometime, 71 00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:58,350 - just for fun. - Mm-hmm. 72 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,390 And then, a few clicks later, I'm staring at your ad. 73 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,020 - Wow. - I feel like, when two people 74 00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:07,220 - are meant to be together... - Mm. 75 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:11,510 The universe just finds a way for them to find each other. 76 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:12,810 Yeah. 77 00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,030 Maybe this is written in the stars. 78 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,150 In the stars? 79 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,570 I can't believe you just said that. 80 00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,960 'Cause stars are kind of my thing. 81 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:26,080 This is gonna seem crazy... 82 00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,880 When Eliza first sat down, 83 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:31,580 I thought I needed to marry her to do the review I had gotten. 84 00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:34,840 Now, to my astonishment, I realized 85 00:03:34,850 --> 00:03:39,060 I needed to get this review in order to meet and marry Eliza. 86 00:03:39,070 --> 00:03:42,430 Will you marry me? 87 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,840 - Yes. - Yes? 88 00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:45,680 - Yes! - You will? 89 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:47,690 Yes. Yes! 90 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,270 Well, let's... 91 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,690 You may now kiss the bride. 92 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:59,060 And just like that, my loneliness was over. 93 00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:03,360 For the second and last time, I had found my soul mate. 94 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,200 This is amazing! 95 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:08,620 Come on. 96 00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:12,460 Let's find a place to have a honeymoon. 97 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:16,410 Eliza and I wasted no time starting our new lives together. 98 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:18,600 We moved into her house, a mansion that she shared 99 00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:20,100 with several free-spirited housemates. 100 00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:22,270 - Taylor and Sarah, hi! - Hello. 101 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:24,640 - Toby. - He used to be my kid. 102 00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:27,420 - That's a child... "used to be"? - Hi, guys. 103 00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:29,220 This is the sex truck. 104 00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:30,980 I'm sorry, this is the sex truck? 105 00:04:30,990 --> 00:04:33,260 Dr. Ericson! 106 00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:35,930 Everyone here seemed to have signed on to a life 107 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:37,950 lived in the here and now. 108 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,320 It was immediately obvious to me that these were my people. 109 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,320 Oh, my. 110 00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:46,160 I got married! 111 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:48,660 Oh, yeah. 112 00:04:48,670 --> 00:04:49,990 - Pretty big news. - Yeah. 113 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,280 - Mazel tov, man. - I smell lentils. 114 00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:55,450 - There was a fire in your room. - Fire? 115 00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,590 - Your stuff's out in the yurt. - Cool. 116 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,290 Oh, stuff's out in the yurt. 117 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,670 Great. Sure. 118 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,340 - Look at that. - Can you believe I found 119 00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:05,340 - this stuff on the street? - Yes, I can. 120 00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,930 As we settled in to our new life together, 121 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:12,470 I was filled with a sense of anticipation for the future 122 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,480 I hadn't felt since my youth. 123 00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:28,870 Oh, um... 124 00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,700 Sweetheart? 125 00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:39,040 The less you know about your spouse when you get married, 126 00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:41,680 the more wonderful surprises remain to be discovered 127 00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:43,210 as you build a life together. 128 00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:45,500 Uh, but before we go any further, 129 00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:47,470 I want to bring you... will you come out here, please? 130 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,000 - Come on out. - Okay. 131 00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,720 Yes, come up on stage. I want you here for this. 132 00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:52,310 - A.J... - Oh. 133 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,520 I would like you to meet Mrs. Eliza MacNeil. 134 00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:54,980 - Hello. - Oh, hi. 135 00:05:54,990 --> 00:05:56,230 Am I your co-host or something? 136 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,730 - I want you to help me with this. - Okay. 137 00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:02,230 - Will you do this with me? - Yeah. 138 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,900 - Okay, ready? - Marrying someone you just met. 139 00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:06,200 - One... - Two... 140 00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:07,870 - Three... - Four... 141 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,070 Five stars! 142 00:06:12,670 --> 00:06:14,360 Five stars. 143 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:15,880 And I give five stars to nothing. 144 00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:16,910 I mean, I've hardly given 145 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:17,920 five stars to anything, seriously. 146 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:18,930 You! 147 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,290 What a glorious show this is. 148 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,380 - What a glorious life! - Hmm. 149 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,690 I cannot wait to find out what my next review is. 150 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,300 Go, A.J. Do it, do it. 151 00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,960 Our next review comes to us 152 00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,900 from Prescott in Baton Rouge... 153 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:40,170 Louisiana! 154 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:41,370 That's right. 155 00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:42,890 - Yeah, that's right. - Yep. 156 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:44,720 Good point. That's a good point. 157 00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:50,730 He writes... 158 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,180 Oh, my goodness. Wow. 159 00:06:52,190 --> 00:06:54,720 "What is it like to run from the law"? 160 00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,220 Wow, okay. 161 00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,070 I guess I'm about to go on the run. 162 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,580 I guess we're about to go on the run. 163 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,730 Will you come with me? 164 00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:06,530 Sure, I want to do everything together from now on. 165 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:08,580 - My God. - All right. 166 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,090 Try not to get shot! 167 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,500 - Thank you! - Yeah. 168 00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:15,760 No problem. 169 00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,260 - Oh. - Look at this. Look at this. 170 00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:20,010 - Told you. - Cops love this place. 171 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,680 Let's do this. 172 00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:28,440 - You're amazing. - You're amazing. 173 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,690 - Here we go. - Good luck out there. 174 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:36,610 Oh, boy. Okay. 175 00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:40,610 The plan is that I'm gonna throw this brick through the window 176 00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:42,230 at those police officers. 177 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,930 This ought to get their blood boiling. 178 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:46,370 Now, the idea of committing an act against the police 179 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,450 is absolutely terrifying. 180 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,040 Ooh! 181 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,630 All right, anybody move and this cop dies! 182 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,440 - No! - Let's go. 183 00:07:54,450 --> 00:07:55,750 - Eliza, what are you doing? - Let's go, let's go. 184 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,950 - Get in the car. - What are you doing? 185 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,460 - Get in the car! - What happened? 186 00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,580 - Get in the car! - Where are we taking this man? 187 00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:01,880 We're kidnapping this guy! 188 00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,970 No! I was just gonna throw a brick! 189 00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:04,562 Get in there! 190 00:08:04,562 --> 00:08:05,857 - All right. - Get in the car! 191 00:08:05,857 --> 00:08:07,420 - Okay. - I swear to [Bleep] God, 192 00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:08,810 I want to kill you! 193 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,890 I would love to kill you! 194 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,100 - Get in, get in! - Oh, God. 195 00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:13,630 What do I do with the brick? 196 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,630 I don't know what to do with the brick... oh! 197 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,930 Go! 198 00:08:15,940 --> 00:08:16,930 - Drive! Drive! - We had a plan! 199 00:08:16,940 --> 00:08:18,800 We had a really good plan! 200 00:08:18,810 --> 00:08:20,270 Nobody's gonna chase us if you throw a brick through a window. 201 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,940 Oh, God. Don't shoot us! 202 00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:23,810 - Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. - Stop or I'll shoot! 203 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:26,660 So far, being on the run is a terrible, terrible experience. 204 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:29,650 Don't do it! This is horrible. 205 00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,500 All right, what are we doing? 206 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,120 Although I was at first concerned 207 00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,650 with her zealousness... 208 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:36,590 Switching cars. 209 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,320 Eliza's help in executing this review was proving invaluable. 210 00:08:39,330 --> 00:08:41,340 - Hey, what are you doing? - Setting this car on fire! 211 00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:42,760 That's just seltzer water. Hey, hey, hey! 212 00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,260 - Then help me... - Wait, wait, wait! 213 00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:45,430 - He's running away! - Destroy the evidence. 214 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,500 Where did you go? Hey! 215 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:47,500 Where did you go? 216 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:48,500 I don't know. 217 00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:49,500 Did you see where he went? 218 00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:51,000 Hey, hey, hey! 219 00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:52,520 - Where is he? - He's here, he's here. 220 00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:53,770 He's here. Hey, stop it! 221 00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:54,840 - Get back here! - I swear to God, 222 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:55,617 - I will kill you. - Hey, stop it! 223 00:08:55,617 --> 00:08:57,165 - I swear to God, I'll kill you! - Stop, stop, just stop. 224 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,342 - Can you put the gun down please? - Okay, you think this is 225 00:08:58,342 --> 00:08:59,207 the first time I've kidnapped a cop before? 226 00:08:59,207 --> 00:09:02,322 - Okay, nope... - Who are you? - I'm Mrs. Forrest MacNeil! 227 00:09:02,322 --> 00:09:05,510 Now get in the car! [Bleep] Amateurs! 228 00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,530 All right, let's just go. 229 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,540 You're in neutral. 230 00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:12,690 - Okay. - What are you guys, 231 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,460 sending this tape to the police and asking for a ransom? 232 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:18,690 What? We don't want money. 233 00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,200 We just want to see what it feels like 234 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:21,860 to be on the run from the cops. 235 00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:23,880 Like a Bonnie and Clyde kind of thing? 236 00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:26,700 You think this is a movie? This is real life. 237 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:27,840 Bonnie and Clyde were real people, actually. 238 00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,540 Yes, but it's a movie first. 239 00:09:30,550 --> 00:09:33,510 - No, it was real people first. - Shut up! 240 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,850 Feelings of intense fear and paranoia 241 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,880 seemed to be clouding our judgment. 242 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,650 Okay. 243 00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:45,320 Okay, great. Now change clothes. 244 00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:47,490 I... why... I-I do not understand any of this, 245 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:48,890 - to be honest with you. - Sweetie, 246 00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:50,360 the cops are gonna be looking for a guy 247 00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:51,730 that looks like Igor did this morning. 248 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:53,580 Right. Igor? 249 00:09:53,590 --> 00:09:54,580 That's his name. 250 00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:55,750 - Okay. - Hello. 251 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:56,750 And put the moustache on. 252 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,170 I'll see you outside. 253 00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:00,180 None of this make sense, but fine, okay. 254 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,340 I was prepared for this review to be full 255 00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:07,590 of unexpected twists and turns, 256 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,850 some frightening, some exciting. 257 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,350 But the twists of this day were weird, 258 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,100 and the turns completely terrible. 259 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:18,850 I was ready for sleep. 260 00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:22,090 All right, let's turn off the TV and get some sleep, okay? 261 00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,940 No, I'm watching it. 262 00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:25,760 You're not watching, you're just flipping around. 263 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:27,060 Oh, it's Bonnie and Clyde. 264 00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:29,620 - We were just talking about this. - Mm. 265 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:33,200 - Oh, that's so weird. - It's the universe. 266 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:35,240 - What do you mean? - Eliza, please. 267 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:38,790 - I've got to get to sleep. - I have to watch this. 268 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,710 As I drifted off to sleep, I tried to soothe myself 269 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,380 with the knowledge that no matter where 270 00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:45,300 this terrifying journey took us, 271 00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:49,050 Eliza and I would always have each other. 272 00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:51,060 And then, we didn't. 273 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:58,760 Where are they? What happened? 274 00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:00,260 Oh, no. 275 00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:02,400 Oh, the car is gone. Oh, God. 276 00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:05,320 He must have overpowered her. Oh, no. 277 00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:08,100 I've got to find her. I've got to get out of here. 278 00:11:08,110 --> 00:11:09,470 I don't know where I'm gonna go, or even how I'm gonna get there, 279 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,570 - if the car is gone. - Forrest. 280 00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:12,070 What's tha... okay, what... 281 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,940 - are you okay? - Yes, of course. 282 00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:16,410 What happened? What's going on? 283 00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,980 - I have to tell you something. - Yes? 284 00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:22,920 We got married. 285 00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:25,590 Eliza and me. 286 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,840 We just got to talking last night. 287 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,290 - What does that mean? - And we just... 288 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,960 You can't... Wha... You just met him! 289 00:11:29,970 --> 00:11:31,830 - I just met you! - Ou-come on. 290 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,680 Hey, you cannot marry two men. 291 00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:36,020 What is this, the 1800s? 292 00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:38,670 - Listen, you are my husband... - Yes, I thought... 293 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,500 and I-I love you more than anything. 294 00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:45,700 Yeah. Mm. 295 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,660 Okay. Okay. 296 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,880 And I love Igor, more than anything. 297 00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,710 Going on the run from the law 298 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,380 can change your life in unpredictable ways. 299 00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:05,490 Some of them are exciting, and some of them are terrible. 300 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,210 And some of them are cosmic. 301 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,380 Well, I give being on the run from the law a half... uh... 302 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:16,510 a half a... and one... and one star. 303 00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:26,990 What do you do, just press this thing? 304 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,920 - Yeah. I press that thing. - Oh, there it goes. 305 00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,820 Great, uh... I usually stand up here. 306 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,160 - Do you want to come... - Okay. 307 00:12:32,170 --> 00:12:33,260 - Stand with me? - Good, I'll stand here. 308 00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:34,680 - Okay. Yes. - Okay, yeah. 309 00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:37,510 This one comes from @lawrenceoninternet 310 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,770 in defiance, Ohio... 311 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:47,440 "Just once, I'd like to be the life of a party." 312 00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:49,390 I see, okay. 313 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,780 I think I can do that. 314 00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:53,110 I'm gonna go be the life of the party. 315 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,850 - Love it, love it. - Here we go. 316 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,850 I have plans, so I'm... 317 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,520 I'm not gonna go to the party. 318 00:12:58,530 --> 00:13:00,370 You don't know what night the party is happening. 319 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,790 I don't... Yeah, I don't care. 320 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,290 My ex-wife was throwing a birthday party 321 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,960 for our son that weekend. 322 00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:10,130 Hey there, stranger! What time's the party on Sunday? 323 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:14,470 But any clown could be the hit at a children's affair. 324 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,540 For this review, I would be the life of my own party, 325 00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:20,370 in my new home with my new family. 326 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,890 Oh, I... excuse me. 327 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:24,640 Can you put on a pair of pants for tonight? 328 00:13:24,650 --> 00:13:28,900 Put on a pair of pants? 329 00:13:28,910 --> 00:13:30,050 - He doesn't understand. - Nope. 330 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,570 How could I be more clear? 331 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,600 My presence has always been a lively addition 332 00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:35,720 to any social gathering, but being 333 00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:37,390 the life of the party was different. 334 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,610 I'd have to be the funnest person in the room, 335 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,490 and I'd need some help from my office staff. 336 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,730 If at any time tonight you see me floundering... 337 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,570 like I don't know what to do or what to say, okay?... 338 00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:48,170 I need you to very discreetly 339 00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:50,170 read one of the questions on these cards. 340 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:54,240 You will be prompting me to tell some of my best anecdotes. 341 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,410 Mr. MacNeil, you got a package. 342 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,510 Oh, this has got to be my novelty items. 343 00:13:58,520 --> 00:13:59,760 - Oh. - Yes, yes! 344 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:02,010 This is just a box full of fun. 345 00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:04,520 Take a look at this. "The bald men's comb." 346 00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:06,940 But there's no... 347 00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:08,940 - oh, my God, that's so funny. - Yeah. 348 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:10,860 - There's no comb in there. - Hey. 349 00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:12,270 - Hello. - Out first guests! 350 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,940 - Hey. - Oh, my goodness. 351 00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:15,280 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. 352 00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:16,450 Igor, I got it, I got it, I got it. 353 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:17,610 Let me welcome our first guests. 354 00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,100 Welcome! Hey, I hope you're ready 355 00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:23,820 to get your party on! 356 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,950 Oh. 357 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,960 Uh.... So... 358 00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,780 You know, I mean, it's a typical party in most ways, 359 00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:32,490 uh, that we have planned. 360 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:36,450 Has anyone here ever learned to smoke their own salmon? 361 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,950 I'm fine. Thank you. 362 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,640 How are you? As more people arrived, 363 00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:43,720 I did my best to make meaningful connections with everyone. 364 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,470 Remember, we talked about the army, 365 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,960 and how you were never in it, but enjoy the jacket. 366 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:52,510 How are you? Are you a couple? 367 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:53,520 All right, I can sense that you're not 368 00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:54,900 and I made it awkward. 369 00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:56,150 Should we shake hands? 370 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,070 I'm doing fine. I'm doing fine. 371 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,910 Any entertainer will tell you, it's impossible to be 372 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,910 all things to all people. 373 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,360 But that's what it means to be the life of the party, 374 00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:07,660 and I was determined to succeed. My friend! 375 00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:10,820 I have something for you. 376 00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:13,200 Look at the label. It's a bald man's comb, 377 00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:14,490 and the box is empty. 378 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,660 Sean, right? 379 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:20,840 - No. - No? 380 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:22,510 Who wants some milk? 381 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:23,710 Oh, look at this! 382 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,000 Milk comes right out of the boob. 383 00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:26,380 Why would I want milk in my beer? 384 00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:27,930 Why would you want milk in your beer? 385 00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:30,050 Yeah, well, I don't know, but it's funny! 386 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,440 As the evening progressed, 387 00:15:31,450 --> 00:15:34,110 I attracted plenty of attention to myself. 388 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,110 But I also attracted competitors, 389 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,110 and there can only be one life of the party. 390 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,530 Hey, whoa, look at this guy. Oh, fantastic. 391 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,620 Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's... oh, shoot. 392 00:15:43,630 --> 00:15:45,570 No one could be more fun than me. 393 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:48,700 - Whoo-hoo! - Ah! 394 00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:49,960 Can I please talk to you guys? 395 00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:51,370 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 396 00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,620 What you were just doing in there? 397 00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:54,030 was being the life of the party. 398 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,740 I'm trying to be the life of the party. 399 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:57,210 Just don't say anything else for the rest of the night. 400 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,800 And he has to go. Get... get him out of... 401 00:15:59,810 --> 00:16:01,130 get him out. Get him out of here, go. 402 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,550 Okay. 403 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,220 Being the life of the party was hard, 404 00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,560 and I found that not all of my efforts 405 00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:08,260 were appreciated by my guests. 406 00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,860 How's that for an entrance? 407 00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:14,830 ♪ Get low, get low move side to side ♪ 408 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,150 But I had one last trick up my sleeve 409 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,920 to make this party a sensation. 410 00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:20,670 Come, up, up. 411 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,850 It all came down to this. 412 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,270 Perfect. 413 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,170 Four, and five. 414 00:16:36,950 --> 00:16:39,840 [Bleep], yeah. 415 00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:46,010 And then, tragedy struck. 416 00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:48,410 Uh... 417 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,460 Hello! 418 00:16:58,470 --> 00:17:00,380 Someone is stuck in the bathroom! 419 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:03,300 Gentleman in the Indian headdress, if you can hear me, 420 00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:06,030 I'm in the bathroom over here! 421 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:10,040 Someone is stuck in the bathroom! 422 00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:11,760 I'm sure they're gonna come and look for me. 423 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:13,930 I mean, the life of the party is stuck in the bathroom. 424 00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:15,940 They're gonna wonder where I am. 425 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:21,720 I was wrong about that. 426 00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:25,720 The idea that our guests, and especially my darling Eliza, 427 00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:29,320 were having hours of fun without me was deeply upsetting. 428 00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:32,275 Someone is stuck in the bathroom! 429 00:17:37,787 --> 00:17:39,630 A philosophical question. 430 00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:41,850 If the life of the party is stuck in the bathroom 431 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,790 for 3 1/2 hours, is he still the life of the party? 432 00:17:47,050 --> 00:17:49,380 - Oh. - Oh! God, you scared me. 433 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:51,040 - There you are. - Yes. 434 00:17:51,050 --> 00:17:52,800 I've been locked in here all night. 435 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,170 Listen, I'm going. 436 00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:56,800 You're going? Where are you going? 437 00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:57,870 What do you mean you're going? You live here. 438 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,050 No, I don't live here anymore. 439 00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:00,720 You don't live here anymore? 440 00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:02,370 I have this feeling, and I just have to 441 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:03,970 - go with it right now. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 442 00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,340 What are you talking about? Where are you going? 443 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,840 And this feeling is outside of the house. 444 00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:08,310 Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is happening? 445 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,510 I have this feeling, and I need to follow it. 446 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,510 What feeling? What's going on? 447 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,150 I need to follow somebody. 448 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,550 What are you talking about? We're married. 449 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,720 - Are we? - Yes! We got married! 450 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,890 Well, I want to marry roderick. 451 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,060 I... 452 00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:24,390 - Who is roderick? - Roderick! 453 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,580 I beeped the horn! 454 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,000 He lives in a submarine. 455 00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:37,570 Yeah, no, I mean... yeah. That's... 456 00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:41,270 Forrest, good luck with your weird show. 457 00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:44,770 Bye. 458 00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:56,390 Sweetheart... 459 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,400 oh, my God. 460 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:09,710 I am never, ever gonna forget you. 461 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,290 I'm so glad the universe made us meet. 462 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,300 You bastard. 463 00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:22,980 Whoo-hoo! 464 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,480 - That's a really rad coat. - Thank you. 465 00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:39,600 Has anyone ever accidentally had the wrong tooth pulled? 466 00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:42,470 Yeah! No, I did! 467 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,490 Oh, my God, in high school! That's so weird. 468 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,660 I had like the worst pain in my mouth, 469 00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:50,580 so I went to my family's dentist, Dr. Morris, 470 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,000 and I was like, "oh, my face." 471 00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:53,480 I came out of surgery and they were like, 472 00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:55,500 "we did the wrong tooth." 473 00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:58,620 Obviously, you have no hope of being the life of a party 474 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,120 that you have no business attending in the first place. 475 00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:04,180 In order to mean something to the people around you, 476 00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:07,270 you first have to know where you belong. 477 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,940 How's everybody doing? 478 00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:16,470 I had come to realize that winning over adults 479 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,610 came down to dumb gimmicks... 480 00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:21,440 a handlebar moustache, a submarine. 481 00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:25,120 There was no skill in that, and no soul. 482 00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:27,480 But to win over children, 483 00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:30,620 that was a sign of something else entirely, 484 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:34,540 something better, as I think almost anyone could see. 485 00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:36,490 - Yeah! - Happy Birthday. 486 00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:39,210 I want to wait for all the kids to have one. 487 00:20:39,220 --> 00:20:42,540 Being the life of the party, 3 1/2 stars. 488 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,972 I think your presence is no longer needed here. 489 00:20:49,972 --> 00:20:55,972 ☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯ ❃www.MY-SUBS.com❃ 36022

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