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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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What's it like to get divorced?
2
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- Oh, no.
- This is about committing
3
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to the standard that you set.
4
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"Even if I beg for help, don't let me out."
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- What are you doing?
- I'm divorcing you.
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It's the end of our marriage.
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Why are you sleeping in my office?
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You pay me in college credits.
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Can you turn off the light?
10
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Hey, I want you to meet my lawyer, Mark.
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You're right... we have
been holding each other back.
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- Oh.
- Don't worry about her
13
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is what I'm trying to say.
14
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I'm Forrest MacNeil,
15
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and my wife is probably
[Bleep] her lawyer right now.
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Life... it's literally all we have.
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But is it any good?
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I'm a reviewer, but I don't review
19
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,949
food, books, or movies.
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I review life itself.
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Viva the revolution!
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[Crowd cheering]
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Aah!
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[Triumphant orchestration]
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♪ ♪
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I'm Forrest MacNeil, and this is Review,
27
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where I'll review any life experience
28
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you're curious about
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and rate it on my patented five-star scale.
30
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I'm A.J. Gibbs, and Forrest
usually introduces me.
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Yes, that's true. I... I'm sorry.
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I am still sort of reeling
33
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from my recent review of divorce,
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in which I lost my home and apparently
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half of my income for the rest of my life.
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Well, at least you didn't lose your job.
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True enough. This show helps people.
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It's important work.
What's my next review, A.J.?
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First one up is from Kalamazoo, Michigan.
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I can often be found masturbating
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to images of celebrities,
but I was wondering
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00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:34,344
what'd it be like to
actually sleep with one.
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Sleeping with a celebrity, huh?
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[Chuckles] Okay.
45
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Forrest MacNeil groupie.
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Don't even think about it, Forrest.
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- What's that?
- Don't even think about it.
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What?
49
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You know what you were thinking.
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Well, as often happens,
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I don't know what you're talking about.
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But I am off to sleep with a celebrity.
53
00:01:55,819 --> 00:01:57,454
You know.
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00:01:57,488 --> 00:01:59,224
As a newly divorced man,
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the opportunity to have sex
with a glamorous famous person
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00:02:02,526 --> 00:02:04,793
seemed like just the review I needed.
57
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So Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie and JLo
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are all spoken for, huh?
59
00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:12,537
Yeah.
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00:02:12,571 --> 00:02:14,807
The first step was
finding an available star.
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Hmm, here's something.
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Ashley Tisdale is hosting
a charity event here.
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What are my chances of
sleeping with Ashley Tisdale?
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Be honest.
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Really good.
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Ashley Tisdale was not only
the scene-stealing villain
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in the High School Musical movies.
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She was also deeply committed
to stamping out bullying,
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00:02:37,378 --> 00:02:40,016
and that commitment put her within my reach.
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I have always believed in the power
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of positive thinking.
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That's why I have a condom.
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I'm not gonna have some
actress raising my child.
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You can believe that. [Chuckles]
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The host arrived, and she was gorgeous.
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There was no denying the whirlpool of energy
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surrounding this center of attention.
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Was I struck by her beauty
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or seduced by the effect
she had on the room?
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Hi. How are you? What a great event this is.
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I just want to say kudos to you.
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- Excuse me.
- Yes?
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Why are you holding a condom?
84
00:03:09,949 --> 00:03:12,051
Yeah. [Scoffs]
85
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My initial interaction with Miss Tisdale
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could have gone better,
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00:03:15,256 --> 00:03:17,991
and another opportunity
soon presented itself.
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All right, we have a
surprise additional item...
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a wonderful private dinner
with Miss Ashley Tisdale.
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- Ah.
- Yes.
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- I had to have this.
- How about that?
92
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We're gonna start this one at $5,000.
93
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Yes, $5,000.
94
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$5,000, right there at table 2.
95
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Fantastic. Do I hear $10,000? $10,000?
96
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Yes, yes, $10,000. $10,000.
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Okay. Uh, $10,000, table 2 also.
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- Yeah... oh, I see.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
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00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:51,136
Do I hear $15,000? $15,000?
100
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$15,000? $15,000.
101
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$15,000 to the doting father
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of that lucky young lady back there.
103
00:03:58,510 --> 00:04:00,047
Now, do I hear $20,000? $20,000?
104
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- Yeah, $20,000.
- $20,000 from table 2.
105
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Ashley, I think you've got
yourself a fan over there.
106
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[Laughs]
107
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What about it, dad?
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- $25,000.
- $25,000.
109
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We've got ourselves a real
bidding war going on here.
110
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Do I hear $30,000... $70,000.
111
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All right?
112
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- $70,000.
- $70,000, okay?
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We done?
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$70,000 going once...
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Going twice.
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- That's it, right?
- Sold to that guy.
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Yes! Yes!
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Okay, thank you.
119
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$70,000, and worth every
penny, I have no doubt.
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[Laughs]
121
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I look forward to our evening.
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- Hey, bud.
- Hey.
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How was it?
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As my dinner with Miss Tisdale drew near,
125
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I felt a strong desire to let people know
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00:04:53,899 --> 00:04:56,066
about my connection to this famous beauty
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to feel some of her celebrity
glow reflected off of myself.
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Listen, I'm not gonna be able to spend
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the evening with Eric on
Thursday night, it turns out.
130
00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:06,409
Okay, well, I wasn't expecting you to.
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- That's not your night.
- Oh, good, good, good.
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Yeah, yeah, well, I just
have a date that night.
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A date? Oh.
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00:05:12,583 --> 00:05:14,184
Well, good for you.
135
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Yeah, yeah, it's actually someone you know.
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Yeah... not personally,
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but from the world of
movies and television.
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It's, uh, Ashley Tisdale?
139
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- I'm sorry?
- Yeah.
140
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- Who is it?
- Ashley Tisdale.
141
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- Oh.
- Yes.
142
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- Huh.
- Yeah, she and I are going out
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for American bistro food...
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- Are you?
- On Thursday.
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It should be... it should be nice.
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What, did you win a date with her
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at some charity auction or something?
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[Laughs]
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Is that what you think? [Sighs]
150
00:05:42,515 --> 00:05:44,581
Forrest, please tell me
you didn't pay $10,000
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to have dinner with a famous person.
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I did not pay $10,000 to
have dinner with anyone.
153
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Well, good, because that would be pathetic.
154
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- Would it really?
- Yeah.
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- Are we done here?
- Absolutely.
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If just the idea of a date with a celebrity
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was enough to make my ex-wife jealous,
158
00:06:03,375 --> 00:06:05,509
how would she react to the round of sex
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00:06:05,544 --> 00:06:08,278
I would soon have with Miss Ashley Tisdale?
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♪ ♪
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[sighs]
162
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I courted Suzanne for
an excruciating 13 months
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before she allowed me to be
physically intimate with her.
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Whatever magic I worked then,
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I'm going to have to condense
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into the time it takes to eat this meal
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of American bistro food.
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- Oh.
- Hi.
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- Yes, hello.
- I'm Ashley.
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00:06:29,976 --> 00:06:32,444
- And this is my bodyguard.
- Oh, okay.
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00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,280
Wonderful. Listen, hey,
I got you these flowers.
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- These are for you.
- Oh, thank you.
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00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,454
Yes, it's good. You look
absolutely beautiful.
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00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:40,191
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes, thank you
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00:06:40,226 --> 00:06:41,826
for looking so beautiful.
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00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,161
And thank you so much for
your $70,000 contribution.
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00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,697
Well, you know, I have a son
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who's extremely short for his age.
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- Oh, so you're married?
- Quite the contrary.
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00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:52,907
I am recently divorced
and getting out there.
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00:06:52,941 --> 00:06:56,007
So your timing is pretty good.
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For this.
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00:06:58,044 --> 00:06:59,647
Yeah. [Chuckles nervously]
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00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:03,483
You know something? I
dabble in palm reading.
185
00:07:03,517 --> 00:07:05,016
May I?
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00:07:05,051 --> 00:07:06,886
Oh, you know what? I'm good.
187
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,855
I'm good. I don't really
believe in that stuff.
188
00:07:08,889 --> 00:07:11,524
Oh, well, it's mainly just sort of for fun,
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00:07:11,559 --> 00:07:14,991
to talk about, you know, your heart line.
190
00:07:15,026 --> 00:07:16,861
- No.
- Yeah.
191
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,165
Mm, okay. Yeah.
192
00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:21,701
My... my love line, if
it's this one, is all...
193
00:07:21,735 --> 00:07:23,235
goes all the way around.
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00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:25,067
You sure you don't want a palm read...
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00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:28,372
I'm... I'm good.
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00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,341
Um, you... I imagine that being a celebrity
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is very, very stressful.
198
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,410
No, actually, it's really fun.
199
00:07:35,445 --> 00:07:37,245
- It's really fun.
- With certain stresses,
200
00:07:37,279 --> 00:07:41,119
in terms of keeping up public appearances
201
00:07:41,154 --> 00:07:42,356
- and... and all that.
- No.
202
00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,356
I... I really enjoy it. I love it.
203
00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:46,359
Well, no wonder you're
carrying all that tension
204
00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:47,797
- in your shoulders.
- I'm carrying... no.
205
00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:48,966
- No, no, no.
- So why don't I see
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00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,435
if I can help you with that?
207
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:52,136
You know what? You don't need to get up.
208
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:53,771
- You don't need to get up.
- No, well, I'll...
209
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,474
I think I'll just give
you a little back rub here.
210
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,942
It should've come as no surprise
211
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,046
that Miss Tisdale was acting coy.
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00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:00,746
To a celebrity, an evening of sex,
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00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,950
is a coveted prize that cannot be handed out
214
00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:05,221
to just anyone with no apparent benefit
215
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:07,291
in the form of drugs or career advancement.
216
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:08,824
- I'm okay.
- Okay.
217
00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:10,157
I'm just excited for dinner.
218
00:08:10,192 --> 00:08:12,392
Good. So, uh...
219
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:16,128
Oh, good. Thanks.
220
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,296
Okay.
221
00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:20,496
I'm just gonna be very blunt with you.
222
00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:21,497
Oh, boy.
223
00:08:21,531 --> 00:08:23,400
My interest in this date
224
00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:26,240
actually has nothing to do with the food,
225
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:27,942
even though this rib taster for two
226
00:08:27,976 --> 00:08:30,511
is definitely calling to
me, no doubt about that.
227
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:33,983
But what I'm saying is if you are interested
228
00:08:34,018 --> 00:08:37,253
in getting out of here and
going straight to dessert...
229
00:08:37,287 --> 00:08:38,689
[Cell phone rings]
230
00:08:38,723 --> 00:08:40,192
Oh, you know what? I am so sorry.
231
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:42,198
I have to take this. Hello?
232
00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:44,002
Fake phone call, fake phone call,
233
00:08:44,036 --> 00:08:45,938
- fake phone call.
- What?
234
00:08:45,973 --> 00:08:47,372
Fake phone call, fake phone call,
235
00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:49,703
- fake phone call.
- Right now?
236
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:52,938
Fake phone call, fake
phone call, fake phone call.
237
00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:55,174
Oh, my God, okay. I am so sorry.
238
00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:57,941
A bad thing happened, and it's an emergency.
239
00:08:57,975 --> 00:08:59,976
And I've got to go. I'm so sorry.
240
00:09:00,011 --> 00:09:01,478
No problem. Listen, as I was saying...
241
00:09:01,513 --> 00:09:02,948
no, no, no, no, please... please, stay here.
242
00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:04,349
Just enjoy your dinner.
243
00:09:04,384 --> 00:09:06,049
I have no interest in the food at all.
244
00:09:06,084 --> 00:09:08,117
Eat your dinner.
245
00:09:08,152 --> 00:09:12,156
Thank you for your $70,000 contribution.
246
00:09:16,398 --> 00:09:18,400
Ah...
247
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:20,369
[Laughs]
248
00:09:20,404 --> 00:09:23,808
"Thank you for your $70,000 contribution,"
249
00:09:23,842 --> 00:09:27,883
in this case means I will not be having sex.
250
00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:37,623
I will have the rib taster for two, please.
251
00:09:44,933 --> 00:09:48,370
Well, I have just eaten
two massive plates of ribs,
252
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:50,940
but I'm still going to
try and have sex tonight.
253
00:09:50,975 --> 00:09:52,744
This is a Hollywood hot spot,
254
00:09:52,778 --> 00:09:55,980
and I've been scanning
the room for celebrities.
255
00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:59,748
I think I may have found one.
256
00:09:59,783 --> 00:10:03,453
[Clears throat] Pardon
me, Miss Taylor Swift.
257
00:10:03,487 --> 00:10:05,388
I was... oh... oh, I'm sorry.
258
00:10:05,422 --> 00:10:07,223
She was not Taylor Swift,
259
00:10:07,257 --> 00:10:08,959
but she was Tammy Caswell,
260
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:11,395
and she wasted no time identifying herself
261
00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:13,830
as a real housewife of Beverly Hills...
262
00:10:13,865 --> 00:10:16,166
a show I had heard of but never seen.
263
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:20,107
You know, I, uh, dabble
in palm reading a bit.
264
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,641
How's my passion line?
265
00:10:21,675 --> 00:10:23,812
Because I was still living in my office
266
00:10:23,846 --> 00:10:26,249
and my intern, Josh, had
called dibs on the couch,
267
00:10:26,283 --> 00:10:28,451
we went to her place.
268
00:10:28,485 --> 00:10:30,419
I will spare you the details,
269
00:10:30,453 --> 00:10:33,492
but sex with Miss Caswell
was extremely unpleasant.
270
00:10:33,526 --> 00:10:34,494
Okay.
271
00:10:34,528 --> 00:10:35,761
Real Housewives...
272
00:10:35,796 --> 00:10:37,128
The knowledge that she was known
273
00:10:37,163 --> 00:10:39,163
to millions of TV viewers, however,
274
00:10:39,198 --> 00:10:41,267
enabled me to have sex with the first woman
275
00:10:41,301 --> 00:10:42,870
I'd been with since my divorce.
276
00:10:42,904 --> 00:10:45,306
It was quite a thrill to
get to sleep with someone
277
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,038
from that show. [Chuckles]
278
00:10:47,073 --> 00:10:48,271
- Really?
- Yeah.
279
00:10:48,306 --> 00:10:50,605
Who?
280
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,175
You.
281
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:55,812
You were not on the television show?
282
00:10:55,846 --> 00:10:59,946
I'm a housewife, and I live
in Beverly Hills adjacent.
283
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:02,784
But I was troubled to
learn that Tammy Caswell
284
00:11:02,818 --> 00:11:05,387
was not an actual celebrity.
285
00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,352
And my search continued.
286
00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:09,886
Where are you going? Hey!
287
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,923
Hey! You want to Greek me?
288
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,290
Despite spending an enormous amount of money
289
00:11:16,325 --> 00:11:19,399
and a demoralizing evening
with a married woman,
290
00:11:19,434 --> 00:11:21,763
I still had not slept with a celebrity.
291
00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:23,164
There you go.
292
00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:25,101
She'll let you sleep with her.
293
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,431
Author Diane Massey.
294
00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:30,702
- Does she count as a celebrity?
- For you? Yes.
295
00:11:30,737 --> 00:11:32,671
"I was...
296
00:11:32,706 --> 00:11:36,846
numb with sorrow.
297
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,314
Roy was gone,
298
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:43,952
and I would have to live
my life without him."
299
00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:46,321
Behind me is Diane Massey,
300
00:11:46,355 --> 00:11:50,524
one-time traffic reporter
for K.L.O.W's local news.
301
00:11:50,592 --> 00:11:51,959
Some people consider her to be
302
00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:55,262
the Ashley Tisdale of traffic reporting.
303
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,832
She has written a memoir
about coping with the death
304
00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,001
of her husband, Roy.
305
00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:02,807
He died in a traffic
accident, ironically enough.
306
00:12:02,841 --> 00:12:04,677
- Isn't that something?
- [Light applause]
307
00:12:04,711 --> 00:12:06,446
Thank you so much for writing this.
308
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,781
Of course.
309
00:12:07,815 --> 00:12:10,285
I recently, uh...
310
00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:12,288
I recently lost my wife.
311
00:12:12,322 --> 00:12:16,860
Diane was a sweet, sad woman
in a highly vulnerable state.
312
00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:19,865
I got to hand it to Lucille. She called it.
313
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:24,173
And Diane's need for loving
care made my task all too easy.
314
00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:28,210
Is there something else I can do for you?
315
00:12:28,244 --> 00:12:29,846
As a matter of fact, there is.
316
00:12:29,881 --> 00:12:31,815
Okay. Oh.
317
00:12:31,849 --> 00:12:33,850
- Yeah, oh. Oh, God.
- Mm hmm.
318
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:37,052
The glamor of sleeping with
a famous woman was undeniable.
319
00:12:37,086 --> 00:12:39,087
But ultimately, we were just people,
320
00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:42,927
and our sexual encounter would
end the way they usually do.
321
00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:44,997
Oh, no!
322
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:48,698
[Crying] Oh, Roy!
323
00:12:48,732 --> 00:12:50,532
Oh.
324
00:12:50,566 --> 00:12:52,533
Bring me Roy.
325
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:55,071
I don't know what... I'm sorry.
I don't know how to do that.
326
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:58,273
Give me Ro... bring me his ashes.
327
00:12:58,307 --> 00:13:00,275
Bring me Roy.
328
00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:03,012
[Sobbing]
329
00:13:03,046 --> 00:13:05,748
- All right.
- Bring me his ashes.
330
00:13:13,491 --> 00:13:15,092
Oh, my Roy.
331
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,562
Oh, my Roy.
332
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,632
[Sobbing]
333
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:21,701
I'll probably, uh...
probably get going there.
334
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,970
- You can call me if you want.
- Okay.
335
00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:26,307
Good for you, Forrest... on the rebound.
336
00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:27,609
Thank you.
337
00:13:27,644 --> 00:13:29,711
The saddest rebound anyone ever saw.
338
00:13:29,745 --> 00:13:31,078
Without a doubt.
339
00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:33,981
Sleeping with a celebrity... one star.
340
00:13:35,785 --> 00:13:38,620
I suppose there's still much
more life to explore, huh?
341
00:13:38,654 --> 00:13:41,155
- There sure is, Forrest.
- Ha ha.
342
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,957
So what's my next review?
343
00:13:42,992 --> 00:13:46,663
Okay, ten-year-old Danny
Cruz from Perryton, Texas,
344
00:13:46,698 --> 00:13:48,234
posted on our website.
345
00:13:48,268 --> 00:13:49,167
He wants to know
346
00:13:49,322 --> 00:13:51,832
_
347
00:13:52,401 --> 00:13:53,967
Hey.
348
00:13:54,002 --> 00:13:56,737
Who cares, Danny?
349
00:13:56,771 --> 00:13:59,775
Let's find out. [Clears throat]
350
00:14:02,346 --> 00:14:05,114
My foray into the world
of celebrity lovemaking
351
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,083
had left me in a state of depression
352
00:14:07,117 --> 00:14:09,920
that made this task feel
especially pointless.
353
00:14:09,955 --> 00:14:11,989
- It was Batman, right?
- Batman! Fly!
354
00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:14,125
All right. Okay.
355
00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:21,896
I missed my Batwoman, Suzanne,
356
00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,764
and my Bat-son...
357
00:14:23,798 --> 00:14:25,165
Bat-everything.
358
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,234
Hey, the bike lanes are clearly marked.
359
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,238
[Bleep] You, Batman!
360
00:14:31,273 --> 00:14:32,607
[Bleep] You.
361
00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:34,610
[Bleep].
362
00:14:34,645 --> 00:14:37,415
But I did my best to
find criminal masterminds
363
00:14:37,449 --> 00:14:39,316
or as close as I could come.
364
00:14:39,351 --> 00:14:41,084
Excuse me.
365
00:14:41,119 --> 00:14:43,653
This shopping cart does not belong to you.
366
00:14:43,687 --> 00:14:46,188
I'll bring it back to the food saver.
367
00:14:46,222 --> 00:14:47,589
What?
368
00:14:47,624 --> 00:14:49,091
I'm Batman.
369
00:14:49,126 --> 00:14:51,094
It was clear to me that the idea
370
00:14:51,129 --> 00:14:52,931
of a private citizen fighting crime
371
00:14:52,966 --> 00:14:55,199
is of no value whatsoever.
372
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:58,800
That should be left to police officers
373
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:00,368
with the proper training, equipment,
374
00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:02,436
and accountability to society.
375
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:06,807
How this never occurred
to Batman is beyond me.
376
00:15:06,841 --> 00:15:08,808
Yoo-hoo.
377
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,274
You're breaking the law right now.
378
00:15:10,308 --> 00:15:11,442
You mind coming with me
to the police station?
379
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:13,376
Ha ha. It's Batman.
380
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:15,846
Stop... ow. That's disgusting.
381
00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,985
What's the matter with you?
[Cell phone rings]
382
00:15:18,019 --> 00:15:21,388
- What?
- Control yourself.
383
00:15:21,423 --> 00:15:23,023
- Hello?
- Where are you?
384
00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,392
- We're at the courthouse.
- What?
385
00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:25,827
-No...
- I don't know.
386
00:15:25,861 --> 00:15:28,330
- no, no, no, no. No, that was tomorrow.
387
00:15:28,364 --> 00:15:30,298
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
388
00:15:30,332 --> 00:15:31,332
I'm here. I just got here.
389
00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,131
What floor are you guys on?
390
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,666
Okay. Well, which way is it?
391
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,703
Which way do you go in once you're up top,
392
00:15:36,738 --> 00:15:38,207
once you're at the beginning?
393
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,641
Oh.
394
00:15:39,676 --> 00:15:41,576
Oh, you came in through the parking garage?
395
00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,010
Well, when you're in the lobby, is it all
396
00:15:43,045 --> 00:15:46,848
one lobby for everything, or is it...?
397
00:15:46,882 --> 00:15:49,319
If you're standing on
the sidewalk... hang on.
398
00:15:49,354 --> 00:15:52,424
Hey, you guys, do you
know where family court is?
399
00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:55,192
What fl...which entrance
you go in for family court?
400
00:15:55,226 --> 00:15:57,061
Is it the middle? Okay, thank you.
401
00:15:57,095 --> 00:15:58,899
Yeah, I got it. I'm
going in the middle door.
402
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:01,902
[Elevator beeping]
403
00:16:03,937 --> 00:16:05,704
- Forrest?
- Yes.
404
00:16:05,738 --> 00:16:08,076
Suzanne, can I speak with you
for just one second, please?
405
00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:10,113
Just one second, please.
406
00:16:10,147 --> 00:16:11,547
Why are you dressed like this?
407
00:16:11,581 --> 00:16:13,883
- Are you going crazy?
- No.
408
00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:16,353
Let's not do this. I
don't want to be divorced.
409
00:16:16,387 --> 00:16:17,687
- Let's just go...
- Okay, Forrest,
410
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:19,054
I understand that you are not
411
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:20,957
in the best frame of mind right now, okay?
412
00:16:20,991 --> 00:16:23,593
- I am thinking very clearly.
- You are clearly not.
413
00:16:23,628 --> 00:16:27,730
But I am certain that
this is best for us, okay?
414
00:16:27,764 --> 00:16:29,098
How can you say that?
415
00:16:29,132 --> 00:16:30,568
- We have a life together.
- I can't...
416
00:16:30,602 --> 00:16:32,537
- MacNeil!
417
00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:34,539
[Sighs]
418
00:16:34,573 --> 00:16:35,773
Suzanne... Suzanne.
419
00:16:35,808 --> 00:16:37,609
Stop it. I'm sorry.
420
00:16:37,643 --> 00:16:40,043
It's all right. Don't worry about it.
421
00:16:40,077 --> 00:16:41,409
This was supposed to be Wednesday.
422
00:16:41,443 --> 00:16:44,744
I was looking at last year's calendar.
423
00:16:44,778 --> 00:16:48,651
[Sighing]
424
00:16:49,756 --> 00:16:51,424
With all other assets held in trust
425
00:16:51,459 --> 00:16:53,860
until the time stipulated.
426
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:56,814
Agreed.
427
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:58,851
Well, shall we move on to custody?
428
00:16:58,886 --> 00:17:01,818
I think we can agree on joint custody.
429
00:17:01,853 --> 00:17:03,985
- 50/50.
- Actually, no.
430
00:17:04,019 --> 00:17:05,754
My client feels that sole custody
431
00:17:05,788 --> 00:17:07,490
would be in the best interest of the child.
432
00:17:07,525 --> 00:17:12,092
Sole custody by which parent?
433
00:17:12,126 --> 00:17:15,198
- My... my client.
- On what grounds?
434
00:17:15,232 --> 00:17:17,767
There are grave concerns
about Mr. MacNeil's ability
435
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:19,667
to be a fit parent.
436
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,833
That is ridiculous.
437
00:17:21,867 --> 00:17:23,602
What are you even talking about?
438
00:17:23,637 --> 00:17:24,838
Suzanne.
439
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:26,372
In recent weeks, Mr. MacNeil
440
00:17:26,407 --> 00:17:28,505
had a drug-induced psychotic episode
441
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,539
while supervising his son's camping trip.
442
00:17:29,573 --> 00:17:31,041
- [Sighs]
- Mm-hmm.
443
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:32,945
He took money from the boy's college fund
444
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,213
to purchase a $4,000 sex doll.
445
00:17:35,247 --> 00:17:39,221
He attended prom as the
date of a 17-year-old girl
446
00:17:39,256 --> 00:17:41,390
and overdosed on cocaine at said prom.
447
00:17:41,424 --> 00:17:43,789
He is an avowed racist
448
00:17:43,823 --> 00:17:47,296
and most recently consumed pancakes
449
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:50,870
to the point of endangering his own life.
450
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,271
Is that all?
451
00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:53,875
Well, he showed up to a custody hearing
452
00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:56,779
dressed as Batman and
covered in his own urine.
453
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,949
Is all of this true?
454
00:18:02,152 --> 00:18:04,688
It's not my urine.
455
00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:11,932
And just like that, without warning,
456
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,468
I had lost my family.
457
00:18:14,503 --> 00:18:17,371
The injustice was unremitting.
458
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:18,805
And then it hit me
459
00:18:18,839 --> 00:18:20,973
that this was exactly how Bruce Wayne felt
460
00:18:21,007 --> 00:18:23,141
after the murder of his parents.
461
00:18:23,175 --> 00:18:24,976
I could use that.
462
00:18:25,010 --> 00:18:26,879
My earlier attempt to live as Batman
463
00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:29,813
was halfhearted jest,
the stuff of Schumacher.
464
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:33,318
Now, on behalf of those who
cry out for mother justice,
465
00:18:33,352 --> 00:18:35,556
I was reborn.
466
00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:38,258
Dude, I gave you a 20.
467
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:41,392
Though I did not know which
one of these men was right,
468
00:18:41,427 --> 00:18:43,327
I now understood that civilized quibbling
469
00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:44,730
gets you nowhere.
470
00:18:44,764 --> 00:18:48,105
To save Gotham, action would be required.
471
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,823
Yeah.
472
00:19:01,858 --> 00:19:03,325
Dude, you're badass.
473
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,360
Get out.
474
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:13,668
Come on.
475
00:19:13,703 --> 00:19:14,836
[Doorbell chimes]
476
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,871
[Vending machine beeping]
477
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:23,712
No.
478
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:28,748
No!
479
00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:39,689
I'm Batman.
480
00:19:50,966 --> 00:19:52,733
You took my office.
481
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,435
I want you out.
482
00:19:54,469 --> 00:19:56,271
I already told you, I've
got dibs on the office.
483
00:19:56,306 --> 00:19:57,541
[Grunts]
484
00:19:57,575 --> 00:19:58,842
- Stop.
- Get out, get out.
485
00:19:58,876 --> 00:20:00,109
Hey.
486
00:20:00,144 --> 00:20:01,744
Get out of my office. Stop-ow!
487
00:20:01,779 --> 00:20:04,215
- This is a workplace.
- You don't pay me!
488
00:20:04,249 --> 00:20:05,718
It doesn't matter!
489
00:20:05,752 --> 00:20:06,719
Get up. Get out of here.
490
00:20:06,753 --> 00:20:08,220
Take all your crap.
491
00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:09,789
This is the Batcave.
492
00:20:09,823 --> 00:20:11,858
Interns don't sleep in the Batcave.
493
00:20:11,892 --> 00:20:13,361
It's not your Batcave. It's full of your...
494
00:20:13,395 --> 00:20:15,031
These drugs are gonna melt your mind.
495
00:20:15,065 --> 00:20:16,799
There's no drugs. It's just a bong.
496
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:18,134
Shut up.
497
00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:19,536
As dawn came, I began to understand
498
00:20:19,570 --> 00:20:20,973
that a quest for justice
499
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:24,709
was only part of what fuels a good Batman.
500
00:20:24,743 --> 00:20:26,778
There's something else there too...
501
00:20:26,812 --> 00:20:29,915
something lurking in the shadows of a soul,
502
00:20:29,949 --> 00:20:32,050
something about a name.
503
00:20:32,085 --> 00:20:34,119
It's called "rage."
504
00:20:34,154 --> 00:20:37,021
Being Batman... four stars.
505
00:20:37,118 --> 00:20:47,393
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