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1
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Life, it's literally all we have,
2
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,130
but is it any good?
3
00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:05,300
I'm a reviewer,
4
00:00:05,310 --> 00:00:06,400
but I don't review food,
5
00:00:06,410 --> 00:00:07,870
books, or movies.
6
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,970
I review life itself.
7
00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,980
Viva la revolucion!
8
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:17,090
[screams]
9
00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:24,229
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
10
00:00:24,230 --> 00:00:26,520
Welcome to Review. I'm Forrest MacNeil.
11
00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:29,890
As usual, I'll be reviewing
whatever experiences you send in
12
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:33,330
that are, in turn, handed
off to me by Miss A.J. Gibbs.
13
00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:35,060
Let's do it.
14
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:38,900
Our next email comes to us from
Charles in Franklin, Tennessee.
15
00:00:38,910 --> 00:00:39,697
He writes...
16
00:00:39,698 --> 00:00:50,289
_
17
00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:51,880
Oh, boy.
18
00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:54,120
What's it like to have road rage?
19
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:57,090
[growls]
20
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,260
Mother[bleep]!
21
00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:02,230
I had always found driving very relaxing,
22
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,870
but I would have to find a way
to let other people's driving
23
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,700
drive me into a full-on rage.
24
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:09,640
Get out of my [bleep] way.
25
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:12,910
I gassed up and went searching
for automotive outrages.
26
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,280
Okay, the traffic is
really heavy over there,
27
00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:16,780
so it would be good to get into that,
28
00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:17,810
and then there'll be really some things
29
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:19,110
to get mad about.
30
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,380
Dense traffic.
31
00:01:20,390 --> 00:01:22,050
Oh, great.
32
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:24,590
I'm stuck behind a [bleep]...
What is that, a tractor?
33
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,420
Don't drive a tractor on
the street in traffic.
34
00:01:27,430 --> 00:01:30,130
Just so I'm clear, it's not illegal
35
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:32,500
to give someone the finger, right?
36
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,300
Because I'm thinking of
giving someone the finger.
37
00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:35,800
But it's not illegal, right?
38
00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:36,800
You don't get arrested for that, do you?
39
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:37,800
No.
40
00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:38,970
Hurry up, grandma!
41
00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:40,070
[horn honks]
42
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,270
They've been doing construction
43
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,810
on this street for four months!
44
00:01:43,820 --> 00:01:45,480
Enough!
45
00:01:45,490 --> 00:01:47,640
I mean it's an important drainage project,
46
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:51,350
I understand that, but it's infuriating.
47
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,980
I don't know if I'm really
feeling all the anger
48
00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:57,590
I need to here, but I'll try again.
49
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,630
I saw plenty of carelessness,
50
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,970
but none of it was
harmful to me, personally,
51
00:02:01,980 --> 00:02:04,200
until, finally, I got lucky.
52
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:05,800
What the hell is this?
53
00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:07,870
This guy's passing me on a two-lane street.
54
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,270
[horn honks] Hey, Jack-whack.
55
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,170
That's for you, the middle finger!
56
00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:12,210
Eat it!
57
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,840
Oh. Oh, okay.
58
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:16,050
Here we go. It is on.
59
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:18,950
Come with me. Road rage in action.
60
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,150
Hey, you don't pass somebody
on a two-lane street!
61
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,390
That's not safe.
62
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,890
Okay, all right. Oh, ah, no, never mind.
63
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:27,190
It's fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
64
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,360
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
65
00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:29,360
I just didn't think it was safe
66
00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:32,000
to go on a... pass... oh.
67
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:33,060
Hey, excuse me.
68
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,400
Uh, wait a minute.
69
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:36,030
Please don't get in my car.
70
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,700
Hey, wait a minute. Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
71
00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:39,710
Where you going?
72
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,150
Please come back!
73
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,350
The cowards who drove off in
my car robbed me of the chance
74
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,420
to experience a true
road rage confrontation.
75
00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:57,590
To do that now, however,
I would need another car.
76
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,870
No way. Nobody touches my wheels.
77
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,900
- Please, just for today.
- Forget it.
78
00:03:02,910 --> 00:03:06,770
The last guy I loaned my car to
turned out to be a seat sniffer.
79
00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:08,840
There were pictures of my
seat all over the internet.
80
00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:10,410
- No.
- Yeah.
81
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:12,510
God.
82
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,110
Well, you know I'm not a seat sniffer.
83
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,680
No. I don't know that.
84
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:20,550
FYI, I lock my office chair up at night,
85
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,860
so don't even think about it.
86
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,930
My secretary had gone insane,
but my intern came through.
87
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:30,100
His only condition was
that I give him a lift
88
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,130
to doctor's appointment
at a marijuana dispensary.
89
00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:35,430
I wasn't in a position to argue.
90
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,740
Oh, don't take the duct
tape off the steering column
91
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:40,240
or the steering wheel will
come off in your hands.
92
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,610
- Really?
- Yep.
93
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:42,610
Does the horn work?
94
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:43,740
[horn honks] Good.
95
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,110
I just bought new belts
96
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,580
and got oil for it.
97
00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:47,910
You just put a bunch
of money into this car?
98
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,220
- Yeah.
- Really?
99
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,450
You thought that was a good thing
100
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:51,550
- to do with your money?
- totally.
101
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,120
Hey, isn't that your wife?
102
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,790
That is my wife.
103
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,490
Who's that guy she's with?
104
00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,130
I do not know.
105
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:04,470
That is a good question.
106
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,480
Oh, that's her divorce attorney.
107
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,280
Why do you still need a divorce lawyer,
108
00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:14,450
like, after your divorce is done?
109
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,950
I don't know.
110
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,150
What if she was [bleep] him? [laughs]
111
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,860
Then their professional relationship
112
00:04:22,870 --> 00:04:26,870
would be a blow-fessional fella-tionship.
113
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:30,260
That's one of the most disgusting things
114
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,530
I've ever heard.
115
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:32,530
That's, like, the funniest thing
116
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,530
I've ever said.
117
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,770
Well, it's disgusting.
118
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:35,770
Please don't say it again.
119
00:04:35,780 --> 00:04:38,870
Sorry.
120
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,670
Boy, they really are laughing a lot.
121
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,210
Yeah, they're probably laughing about
122
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:46,860
how gigantic his dick is. [laughs]
123
00:04:50,530 --> 00:04:54,020
Oh, my God.
124
00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:58,030
She is [bleep] her lawyer.
125
00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:03,140
Oh, okay, this business lunch
just became a jizz-ness munch.
126
00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:04,150
Shut up!
127
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,443
I knew something was happening with them
128
00:05:07,444 --> 00:05:08,974
the first time I saw the
two of them together.
129
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,010
She is [bleep] her divorce attorney!
130
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,739
- Are you okay?
- No!
131
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:16,380
I now understood that road
rage is just like regular rage,
132
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,580
except that it usually happens in a car.
133
00:05:18,590 --> 00:05:22,080
It must come from within
and I had plenty of it now.
134
00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:24,190
I asked my intern to throw more logs
135
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,150
on the raging fire in my heart.
136
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,390
Say more inappropriate things
about their sexual relationship.
137
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,530
- I don't want to...
- Talk about the [bleep] jobs
138
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,030
and the [bleep]. Do it!
139
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,700
Okay, well, they just got together, so...
140
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,230
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- They're probably trying stuff
141
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,730
the two of you weren't comfortable doing.
142
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:40,340
Like, he's putting legal stuff in her butt.
143
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,100
And he's laying her on the ground
144
00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:43,610
and then picking her up by her boobs.
145
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,010
Keep going!
146
00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:47,040
There's, like, pictures of your kids.
147
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:48,850
He's making eye contact with the photos
148
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,780
while he [bleep] her in the butt.
149
00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:54,790
[screams] [horn honks]
150
00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:59,100
Oh, what the... that son
of a bitch just cut me off!
151
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,760
Hey, [bleep] you, you piece of [bleep]!
152
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:02,430
[tires screech] [bleep] you!
153
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,070
Oh, this is amazing.
154
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,440
Okay, this [bleep] is on.
155
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,910
You just [bleep] with the wrong guy.
156
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,440
What the [bleep] is the matter with you?
157
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:11,770
I've got your back, Mr. MacNeil.
158
00:06:11,780 --> 00:06:13,140
I'm trying to [bleep] drive, here!
159
00:06:13,150 --> 00:06:14,240
You blow through that stop sign like that!
160
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,580
Don't [bleep] do that to people!
161
00:06:15,590 --> 00:06:16,810
You got a stop sign,
162
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:18,280
you stop at the [bleep] white line!
163
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,050
- Mr. MacNeil!
- Oh, yeah.
164
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,920
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
165
00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:24,120
Hey, [bleep], it looks
like something happened
166
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:26,590
To your [bleep] tail
light! [glass shatters]
167
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,630
[laughs] - Yeah.
168
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,830
What the [bleep] happened
169
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,130
To your side-view mirror, [bleep]?
170
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,100
[glass shatters] - [laughs]
171
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,470
Looks like your blind spot
172
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,100
just got a little bigger, [bleep]-wit.
173
00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:38,970
What are you gonna do about it?
174
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:41,640
What am I gonna do about it?
175
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:44,580
You forgot about something.
176
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:48,590
Oh, you forgot one more thing.
177
00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:52,350
Hey, you ever been in a smash-off?
178
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,820
You are now.
179
00:06:56,830 --> 00:07:00,960
Smash-off! [growls]
180
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:02,870
No, no, Mr. MacNeil! no!
181
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,640
[growls] - No, Mr. MacNeil!
182
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:07,610
[howls]
183
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:11,710
Stop, Mr. MacNeil! that's my [bleep] car!
184
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,140
[howls] - Please, Mr. MacNeil!
185
00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:17,150
- I... Please!
- [grunts]
186
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:19,350
[bleep] stop hitting my car!
187
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,850
[roars]
188
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:23,150
- What the hell, man?
- [bleep] you!
189
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,460
What are you gonna do now, [bleep]?
190
00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:27,390
I will end you!
191
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,860
[bleep] [bleep], get in the car!
192
00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,330
- Come on! Come on!
- Get in the car now!
193
00:07:30,340 --> 00:07:32,660
Oh, [bleep]. Oh, [bleep].
194
00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,030
- Get in the car!
- Come on!
195
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,540
[bleep] [bleep]! Oh, [bleep]!
196
00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:38,540
Get in, get in, get in, get in, get in!
197
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,370
[screams]
198
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,180
Oh, [bleep]. Go! go! go!
199
00:07:43,190 --> 00:07:45,340
What is he doing? Oh, God!
200
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,210
- Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
- Go, go, go!
201
00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,750
- Oh!
- Oh, [bleep].
202
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,320
As you can see,
203
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:51,580
road rage is a contagious disease
204
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:52,890
and the recommended treatment
205
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,050
is getting the [bleep] out of here!
206
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,520
Mr. MacNeil, he's behind us!
207
00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:56,990
What is he doing? What is he doing?
208
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,500
He's going to try to ram us.
209
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:00,870
Oh!
210
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,440
I'm gonna kill you with my dick!
211
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,210
- Oh, my God.
- [horn honks]
212
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,870
Oh, God! oh, God!
213
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,890
He went over the edge!
214
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,460
My producer, Grant, is always on hand
215
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:32,870
to assist with unexpected complications.
216
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,880
In this case, his insight
was especially helpful.
217
00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:41,310
He turned around... and went that way.
218
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:03,240
- I'm happy to drive.
- Oh, okay.
219
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:04,670
- I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- Yep, tomorrow.
220
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,670
Bye, Grant.
221
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:11,180
But it appears that other gentleman
222
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:13,980
also saw the folly of road rage
223
00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:16,580
and, uh...
224
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:20,960
You know, turned around...
And went on home,
225
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:23,520
and that is definitely
what I would recommend
226
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,830
for someone who feels road rage coming on.
227
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,860
Thank God. I-I thought he died.
228
00:09:28,870 --> 00:09:31,470
Because that screeching
sound and the tire tracks
229
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,630
going right off the cliff.
230
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,770
No. No.
231
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,770
No.
232
00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:40,620
Road rage, 1 1/2 stars.
233
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,110
Our next question comes to us
234
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,780
from Gary in Santa Monica, California.
235
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:50,490
Hey, Forrest, uh, you know
I don't want to limit myself
236
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,990
to just one lady.
237
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,020
What would it be like to bang
238
00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:55,660
a bunch of them in an orgy?
239
00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:57,430
Oh, my goodness.
240
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,270
Oh, no. [laughter]
241
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,770
Well, it sounds like Gary
wants me to go to an orgy.
242
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:04,470
It's okay. Don't worry.
243
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,070
If you get nervous, just do that thing
244
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,110
where you imagine everyone
else in their underwear.
245
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,650
Wait, don't do that.
246
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:12,410
Because then you'd be the only one naked.
247
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:14,520
Yeah. Thank you for trying to help.
248
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:18,120
Okay, I'm off to go have sex
with many different people...
249
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,760
At once. Oh, boy.
250
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:21,990
Was sending a civilized man into an orgy
251
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,430
like releasing a zoo monkey into the wild?
252
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,630
And if so, would he survive?
253
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,130
To find out, this monkey would
need to find his sex jungle.
254
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:32,970
This one's locked. Really?
255
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:36,270
What's the other way out?
256
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:40,040
I had no idea how to locate an
orgy, so I consulted with Tom,
257
00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:41,480
the interventionist who helped me
258
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:43,110
during my review of addiction.
259
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,510
He, himself, was a recovering sex addict.
260
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,350
How are things with your wife?
261
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,220
Are you guys talking again or what?
262
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,720
Um, no.
263
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,860
I mean, I can't say I blame her.
264
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,960
I mean, I [bleep] two of her sisters.
265
00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:57,970
I [bleep] her boss.
266
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,870
I came on her dog.
267
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,570
Yeah, that all sounds pretty gross.
268
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:04,540
- Yeah.
- Hey, though,
269
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:09,080
I have a slightly awkward
thing to ask you about.
270
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:11,180
Go ahead.
271
00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:13,680
Out of all of the orgies
that you used to go to...
272
00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:17,020
- Mm-Hmm?
- Which would you say was, like,
273
00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,760
the best?
274
00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:22,430
[chuckles] Oh, jeez, Forrest.
275
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,860
It's... you now, it's
not a good idea for me
276
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:25,860
to even talk about that.
277
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,000
Right. Okay.
278
00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:28,670
- Yeah, no, I get that.
- Yeah.
279
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,200
I don't want to talk
about cocaine, believe me.
280
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:31,500
I don't want... [chuckles]
281
00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:32,940
Right, I mean...
282
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,040
But I would probably tell somebody
283
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:36,040
where they could get cocaine,
284
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,510
you know what I mean?
285
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,110
A time and an address
or something like that?
286
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,880
But, with a bit of gentle persuasion,
287
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:45,580
Tom told me about an orgy
that he had attended regularly
288
00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:48,620
during his years as a
compulsive haver of sex.
289
00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,190
He described it as exclusive, elaborate,
290
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,720
and, in a turn of phrase
I know will haunt me
291
00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:56,960
for the rest of my days,
"Totally ball draining."
292
00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:59,740
- "Totally ball draining"?
- Yes.
293
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:03,110
Totally ball draining.
294
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,480
- Forrest?
- Hmm?
295
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:09,750
Were you expecting a scroll, a
[bleep] ring, and a fancy mask?
296
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,720
Uh, yes. Yes, I was.
297
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:12,720
It's... [clears throat]
298
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:14,900
For my review, of course.
299
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,790
I used to work for an accountant.
300
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,760
He was a nice man.
301
00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,770
Give this please.
302
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:33,140
This orgy is a top secret private affair.
303
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:35,340
So I'm gonna let my cameraman out here,
304
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:37,440
and I'm afraid you, dear viewer,
305
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:40,410
will need to experience this
by stealing furtive glances
306
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,920
through the windows like a common pervert.
307
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,960
As I arrived at the sex mansion,
308
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:53,290
I will confess that I was terrified.
309
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,930
It had dawned on me that
participants at an orgy
310
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:59,170
might be required to know
how to find and handle
311
00:12:59,180 --> 00:13:00,940
certain parts of a lady.
312
00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:02,950
Scroll here.
313
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:13,290
I was immediately confronted
with dozens of naked people
314
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:16,820
writhing and thrusting in wild
pleasure all over the house.
315
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,660
It seemed to me like a vision of hell.
316
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,670
But there was no turning back now.
317
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:26,410
[grunting and moaning]
318
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:30,180
Despite my extreme
discomfort with casual sex,
319
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,980
I was determined to get into the mix.
320
00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:36,020
After about an hour, I came to accept
321
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:39,520
that I would need to remove my clothing.
322
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:43,530
But even that did little to
arouse me or anyone else.
323
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:47,930
The ironwork on this staircase is...
324
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:50,400
Remarkable.
325
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,370
Hey, listen, I think we need to decide
326
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,940
whether this is a snack
table or another sex surface.
327
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:57,910
Because I really don't think
it can be both, you know?
328
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,380
You know, to tell you the
truth, there is no place
329
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:02,790
that I feel comfortable
setting down these snacks.
330
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,920
It seemed I was incapable
of getting in the spirit.
331
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,390
But then I met the king of the orgy.
332
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,730
This is your first time at an orgy, yes?
333
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:17,300
You know... Yes, actually.
334
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,700
That's right, yes, th... Yep.
335
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:20,100
This is my first orgy.
336
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:23,070
You must embrace the power of the mask
337
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:27,080
to transform you from
whoever you are out there,
338
00:14:28,390 --> 00:14:33,320
into a glorious [bleep] beast
339
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,720
who is born when you walk in here,
340
00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:41,320
and who dies when your
balls are fully drained.
341
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:44,290
That was the attitude
adjustment I'd needed.
342
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,260
I think I can do that. I
can be a [bleep] beast.
343
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:49,800
I was freed from Forrest
MacNeil's self-consciousness
344
00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:53,100
and his fears of being perfectly
average in the penis department.
345
00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:56,450
Who wants to have sex with me?
346
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,080
[shrill yelp]
347
00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,950
Let's keep this fella-tionship
348
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,750
strictly blow-fessional.
349
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,450
I'm asking for oral sex.
350
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:05,960
The barriers I had put up between myself
351
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,760
and wild sexual abandon were washed away
352
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,930
in a tidal wave of pleasure.
353
00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:12,600
And I have to say,
354
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:14,670
it was one of the greatest
[bleep] nights of my life.
355
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,380
I'm a [bleep] beast!
356
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:23,450
But my night at the mansion had changed me.
357
00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,110
Tom... hey.
358
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,780
- How's it going?
- Good.
359
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,220
- How are you?
- Good. Real good.
360
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,820
- How are you?
- Good, good. Doing well.
361
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:38,290
So, uh, the thing worked out Friday?
362
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:42,130
- Oh, my, yes, it did.
- Oh, yeah?
363
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:45,400
I just want to say, thank you
so much for the hookup there.
364
00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:46,800
Oh, my God.
365
00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:48,570
That was an unforgettable experience.
366
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:51,340
Everywhere I looked there were
these big beautiful breasts
367
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,310
with pert, pink little nipples
368
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,580
and firm, pulchritudinous buttocks
369
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:59,350
and soft, inviting labia majora.
370
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,390
You know what? You know what?
371
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,220
Can we... Can we change the topic?
372
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,690
- Yeah.
- Let's talk about
373
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:06,760
- something else.
- Of course.
374
00:16:06,770 --> 00:16:07,760
I'm so sorry.
375
00:16:07,770 --> 00:16:09,090
No, no, don't be.
376
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,100
- Yes. Oh, no.
- Don't be.
377
00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:11,100
I brought it up.
378
00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:12,100
Yeah, you did bring it up.
379
00:16:12,110 --> 00:16:13,430
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
380
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,430
Anyway, remember that cooking class
381
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,870
I was telling you about?
382
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,440
- Yes.
- Yeah.
383
00:16:17,450 --> 00:16:20,340
Well, last night they taught
us how to make paella.
384
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:21,710
It's really cool, actually.
385
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,210
You need a special pan to...
386
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,610
How'd you like to bury your face in that?
387
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:27,950
Mmm.
388
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,020
Ohh.
389
00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:34,520
Next week, they're gonna
teach us how to make brisket.
390
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:37,260
What the [bleep] are you talking about?
391
00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,860
Friday night couldn't arrive fast enough.
392
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:41,590
After a week without sex,
393
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,230
my loins were like a
thirsty spice merchant,
394
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,240
stranded in the desert and these
women's vaginae were the water.
395
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,700
That night I would drink deeply.
396
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,640
My tongue explored.
397
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:54,410
My fingers probed.
398
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:58,550
My swollen average-sized member
became a hammer of the gods.
399
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,960
No fear, no regret, no guilt.
400
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:03,790
And then there was some guilt.
401
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,990
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, no.
402
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,560
[moans] Oh, no.
403
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,600
Hey. Hey! Tom!
404
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:13,000
- Oh, you.
- What are you doing here?
405
00:17:13,010 --> 00:17:14,770
You know, joylessly and compulsively
406
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:16,400
[bleep] everything I can.
407
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,510
Tom, no. You gotta get out of here.
408
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,140
Tom, you're a sex addict.
409
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:21,440
This is a relapse.
410
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:22,480
You have to get out of here, now.
411
00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:24,780
Sir, is there a problem?
412
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:26,150
Yes, there is a problem.
413
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,810
He doesn't belong here!
414
00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,120
[gasping]
415
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,950
You are mistaken, sir.
416
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,150
We all belong here.
417
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,660
Yet, clearly a dispute exists.
418
00:17:35,670 --> 00:17:39,670
Therefore, I declare a [bleep]-off!
419
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,760
[cheers and applause]
420
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:46,200
- All: In, out, in, out, in, out!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
421
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:48,370
What is a [bleep]-off?
422
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,270
It's very simple.
423
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,710
Each of you will assemble a
five-person [bleep] squad.
424
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,150
You will [bleep] the people you choose
425
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,050
Until one of you can't [bleep] anymore.
426
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:03,160
The loser has to leave my house forever,
427
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:06,860
and the winner is the king of the orgy.
428
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:10,870
[cheers and applause]
429
00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,900
You people are insane. All:
In, out, in, out, in, out!
430
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:17,180
I'd save that energy for the [bleep]-off.
431
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,370
My [bleep] beast had
created a horrible problem,
432
00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:25,540
and apparently would have to solve it too.
433
00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:28,940
If I wanted Tom out, I was going
to have to [bleep] him out.
434
00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:30,440
Would you want to be on my team?
435
00:18:30,450 --> 00:18:33,210
Okay. I'm sorry.
436
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:37,120
[speaks French]
437
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:39,620
Sex feels good, and this was sex,
438
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:41,820
but the competition was turning nasty.
439
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:43,890
You picked too many hotties, buddy.
440
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,230
You got to pick camels, not racehorses.
441
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,660
Hey!
442
00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:49,460
Just mind your own business over there.
443
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:52,770
You pick one who looks like
your ex-wife on purpose?
444
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,310
Shut up.
445
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,980
She does look just like her, doesn't she?
446
00:18:55,990 --> 00:18:58,480
What are they doing in cooking
class tonight, Tom, huh?
447
00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:00,580
As I rotated through my [bleep] squad,
448
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:02,950
I realized that I was no beast.
449
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,190
I was just a man and I had had enough
450
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,200
of this awesome pleasure hill.
451
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:12,990
But I couldn't leave poor Tom here.
452
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,530
No. I would win this [bleep]-off.
453
00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:20,470
And finally, nearly 30 glorious
minutes of uninterrupted humping
454
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,170
proved to be too much for
Tom's weary [bleep] muscles.
455
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:25,610
- Ow, cramp, cramp, cramp!
- Yeah!
456
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,680
[cheers and applause]
457
00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:29,140
Or had Tom's guardian angel
458
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:31,280
taken the form of me without my underwear?
459
00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:33,290
Who knows?
460
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,720
Bravo.
461
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:42,490
Thank you.
462
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,160
Thank you and thank you so
much to my [bleep] squad.
463
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:48,030
I could not have done it without you guys.
464
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:53,030
As your new king, I hereby
decree that the sex between us
465
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,080
will no longer be anonymous.
466
00:19:56,090 --> 00:19:59,080
Let's take off these masks, you guys.
467
00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:01,520
- We don't need 'em.
- He's hideous.
468
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:03,290
Come on. Who knows?
469
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,450
Maybe some of us will find real love here,
470
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:07,260
instead of just sex.
471
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,620
[distant moaning]
472
00:20:08,630 --> 00:20:10,640
[door slams]
473
00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:16,870
Hey, our friendship is off,
474
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,430
because you're a jerk!
475
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,870
Screw you, Forrest MacNeil!
476
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,880
Oh, you're welcome.
477
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,940
First of all, gross.
478
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:29,240
And second of all,
479
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,640
what did you take away from that orgy?
480
00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:34,470
Two things: a drug-resistant
form of gonorrhea
481
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,140
and an important realization.
482
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:38,340
You see, I was delighted by the variety
483
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,040
and the abundance of sex there,
484
00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:42,170
but by the end of my time as a swinger,
485
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,200
I didn't know what felt more empty.
486
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:47,570
My heart, my soul, or my balls?
487
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,679
Going to an orgy, two stars.
488
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:57,680
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
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