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Life... it's literally all we have.
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00:00:02,930 --> 00:00:04,280
But is it any good?
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00:00:04,290 --> 00:00:05,920
I'm a reviewer, but I don't review
4
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:07,960
food, books, or movies.
5
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:10,020
I review life itself.
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00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:11,960
Viva the revolution!
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[crowd cheering]
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- [taser crackling]
- Agh!
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00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,470
[triumphant fanfare]
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00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:20,999
♪ ♪
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☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
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00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,440
Welcome to Review.
13
00:00:26,450 --> 00:00:27,880
I'm Forrest MacNeil.
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00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:29,780
As usual, I will be reviewing
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00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:32,610
whatever experiences you
send in that are, in turn,
16
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:35,320
handed off to me by Miss A.J. Gibbs.
17
00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:36,990
Hi, Forrest.
18
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,550
Well, A.J., what's my
first review for today?
19
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,790
Okay.
20
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,160
This comes from Glenda
21
00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:43,330
who lives at the Golden Ivy senior home
22
00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:44,930
- in Salem, Oregon.
- Aha.
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00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:48,100
What's it like to have a best friend?
24
00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:49,800
[chuckles]
25
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:51,340
Oh, that's a great question.
26
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:53,970
- Yeah.
- Who's your best friend?
27
00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,570
Oh.
28
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:58,420
Ha.
29
00:00:58,430 --> 00:00:59,820
Who is my best friend?
30
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:01,590
Well...
31
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,690
Uh...
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00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:08,260
Well, anyway, I'm off to
explore having a best friend.
33
00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:11,960
The truth is my marriage killed
my social life years ago.
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00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:15,030
Suzanne was all the friend I'd ever needed.
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00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,870
But after a contentious divorce...
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00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,970
You are gonna die alone! Do you understand?
37
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:20,770
And a bitter, angry custody hearing...
38
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,280
There are grave concerns
about Mr. MacNeil's ability
39
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,280
to be a fit parent.
40
00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:25,680
That is ridiculous.
41
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:28,850
Suzanne was not returning my calls.
42
00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:31,390
I needed to make a new best friend.
43
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:36,120
And then I realized that Gene,
my ex-neighbor, might be ideal.
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00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,230
True, he and I had never been close
45
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,500
and my recent review of being racist
46
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:42,330
had only made things worse...
47
00:01:42,340 --> 00:01:46,900
- Laugh it up, you [bleep]!
- [laughter]
48
00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:49,640
But I knew I could overcome any obstacle.
49
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,340
- Hey, let me ask you something.
- Yeah.
50
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,740
What are you up to tonight?
51
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,580
Um, nothing. Just watching the Lakers.
52
00:01:54,590 --> 00:01:56,050
The Lakers, huh?
53
00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:58,320
Okay, I'll be back tonight.
54
00:01:58,330 --> 00:01:59,820
What?
55
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,320
Hey, there, stranger.
56
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,530
What, are you going for a jog?
57
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:03,760
- What?
- Are you going for a jog?
58
00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:05,330
- Yes.
- Oh, good. Yeah.
59
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:08,100
It's important to make time for exercise.
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00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:10,600
The closer I got to Gene,
the closer I would get
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00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:14,110
to returning to my life with
my real best friend, Suzanne.
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00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,770
You have reached Forrest MacNeil.
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00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:17,880
I will be out of the office until tomorrow
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00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:20,580
because I am going to
my best friend's house
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00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:22,410
to watch the Lakers game.
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00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:24,280
Please leave a message after the tone,
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00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:28,290
and I will listen to it after
I am done with my best friend.
68
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,060
You're going to the Lakers game?
69
00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:31,690
No, I'm going over to Gene's house
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00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:32,760
to watch it there with him.
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00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,090
- Gene?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:37,130
The guy you called a [bleep]?
73
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:38,730
Yes.
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00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,400
Well, if you guys ever
need tickets, let me know.
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00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,700
I'll hook you up.
76
00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:44,470
Oh, really?
77
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,770
Okay.
78
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:48,540
When I got to Gene's, I discovered
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00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:51,280
that some guy named Carlos
had invited himself.
80
00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,580
- Ooh.
- Whatever.
81
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,150
- Boom!
- Oh, man.
82
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,080
That is called the
pick-and-roll right there.
83
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,590
Oh, did I miss a pick-and-roll?
84
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,290
[doorbell rings] - Oh, that's the pizza.
85
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,600
[whistles]
86
00:03:01,610 --> 00:03:03,770
- So how do you know Gene?
- I've known him forever...
87
00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:05,900
grade school, high school,
we were in the army together.
88
00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:07,500
Oh, yeah. He's a great guy, huh?
89
00:03:07,510 --> 00:03:09,070
Best friend in the whole world.
90
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,910
I love him. Check it out.
91
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,940
Oh, yeah, there you are.
92
00:03:12,950 --> 00:03:15,140
Two buddies out for a walk, huh?
93
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,480
Went and got that one
framed. [both chuckle]
94
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,750
- You got a best friend?
- Yeah.
95
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,150
Probably, uh...
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00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,260
Probably Gene.
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00:03:25,270 --> 00:03:27,020
Probably my best friend too.
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00:03:27,030 --> 00:03:29,160
Oh, okay.
99
00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:31,160
The more time I spent with Gene,
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00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,460
the more obvious it became
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00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:34,530
that Carlos was a serious obstacle
102
00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:35,830
to our best friendship.
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00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,300
[cell phone vibrates]
104
00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:38,770
Guys, this is Alicia for the fourth time.
105
00:03:38,780 --> 00:03:40,140
And I cannot ignore it.
106
00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:43,810
Take that call, my friend. [chuckles]
107
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:47,550
Hey, Carlos... I think you are a great guy.
108
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,650
I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you
109
00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:51,350
in these past few days,
but I got to tell you...
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00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:55,560
Gene is my best friend
that I made, you know?
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00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,360
He's not just some guy that I have a bunch
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00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,570
of shared experiences with.
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00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:04,310
I guess I'm saying you might
want to get out of the way.
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00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,670
To Carlos, the idea that I could ever be
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00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,740
Gene's best friend was absurd,
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00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:11,880
and he proposed an
interesting, if unorthodox, way
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00:04:11,890 --> 00:04:13,250
to settle the issue.
118
00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:15,150
You know, back in basic, we had a saying.
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00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,320
"Don't talk the talk if
you can't walk the walk."
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00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:20,590
Meaning?
121
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,490
I'm challenging you to a friend-off.
122
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,060
What is that?
123
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:26,830
We will try to out-friend
each other with Gene
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00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,270
until one guy can't friend
anymore, and then he goes,
125
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,840
- for good.
- Okay.
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00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:34,040
You're on.
127
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:35,670
I can out-friend you any day.
128
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,910
Hey, guys, can you remind me
129
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,680
to get toilet paper on the way home?
130
00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:40,080
Yes, absolutely.
131
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:41,680
In fact, I will set an alarm on my phone
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00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:43,920
to remind me to remind
you to get toilet paper.
133
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:47,450
I'll get you enough toilet
paper to last 100 years.
134
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,920
I don't know where you're gonna keep
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00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:50,620
all that toilet paper.
136
00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:54,190
So I poured it on, friending
as hard as I could friend.
137
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,290
Hey, guys! [chuckles]
138
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,860
Happy Birthday, my friend.
139
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,910
Oh, my birthday was two
months ago, Forrest.
140
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:01,210
- Hop on, my friend.
- Oh, my...
141
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,410
- This is beautiful, Forrest.
- It is.
142
00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:05,210
You know, this is what best friends do.
143
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,750
- Yeah.
- That's really nice,
144
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,550
but you got to be careful
with these things.
145
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,150
I mean, I've been reading about 'em,
146
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,890
and a lot of people have
been running over their kids.
147
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:13,420
- Yeah, well...
- Kid lost part of his face.
148
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:14,990
I-I've been reading about 'em too.
149
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,490
They said it was no big deal.
150
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,460
What they're doing with faces these days...
151
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,330
they take somebody's face, and
they put it on somebody else,
152
00:05:20,340 --> 00:05:21,800
so they get this facial reconstruction.
153
00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,230
I'm not saying it's gonna happen.
154
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,230
- Right.
- I don't think you're gonna
155
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,500
run over Clayton's face
156
00:05:25,510 --> 00:05:27,570
or he's gonna lose any of his face.
157
00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:29,240
But I'm saying if it did happen,
they've got the science now...
158
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:30,910
but Carlos proved to be a worthy adversary.
159
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,510
- The best place in town.
- Oh, my God.
160
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,780
What is that in the backyard?
161
00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:36,110
Oh, you're here.
162
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,150
- What is that?
- Wait a second.
163
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,120
Isn't that the new grill
that I just got you
164
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,650
that you should be making
burgers on right now?
165
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:45,670
- Come on.
- Carlos! You are awesome!
166
00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:48,660
- Burgers?
- Don't touch it!
167
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:49,990
I want to touch it. I want to touch it.
168
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,330
Hey, man, this thing's awesome.
169
00:05:51,340 --> 00:05:52,760
Well, it's stainless steel.
170
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,600
It's gonna last 100 years.
171
00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:56,800
That's a long time to eat flavorless meat.
172
00:05:56,810 --> 00:06:00,810
You know, charcoal grills have
more of a smoky taste, I find.
173
00:06:01,290 --> 00:06:03,450
Oh, hey, Suzanne.
174
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:04,650
Suzanne.
175
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:06,380
Hey, come join us for a burger.
176
00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:07,620
No, thank you.
177
00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,890
- Oh. You got plans?
- Nope.
178
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,720
So far, spending time with
Gene hadn't done anything
179
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,830
to improve my relationship with Suzanne.
180
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,740
She's always got something going on.
181
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,000
Thanks, Gene.
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00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:22,750
But I was not about to give up.
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00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,490
The competition for Gene's
friendship was fierce,
184
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,560
but I was about to drive the basketball
185
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:30,860
straight into the hole.
186
00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:32,490
Oh, row two!
187
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:33,800
Oh, these are great.
188
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,730
Thank you. Wow.
189
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,570
Great. All right.
190
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,300
Get out of here. [chuckles]
191
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:42,000
Hey, listen, Gene, do you
have plans for tonight
192
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,540
is the question.
193
00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:46,080
Okay, well, do you think
you could tell Carlos
194
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:50,090
that you need to "reskej"
because you have courtside
195
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:54,580
Lakers tickets to the Lakers game tonight!
196
00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:57,090
In the same section as Jack
Nickelman from The Shining.
197
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,760
We'll be right near him.
198
00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:00,600
All right, good. Well,
I'll pick you up at 6:00.
199
00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:02,870
How about that? All right, best friend.
200
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,930
See you soon. Bye.
201
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,750
[chuckles]
202
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,210
I'm about to win a
friend-off. [clicks tongue]
203
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,180
- Dude.
- [laughs]
204
00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:15,610
- Check these out.
- This is amazing.
205
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:17,250
Down in a sec. Can't go to the game
206
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,020
- without my lucky Kobe jersey.
- No, you can't.
207
00:07:19,030 --> 00:07:22,960
Go put that on, please. [chuckles]
208
00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,730
Oh, Carlos.
209
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:28,300
Buddy, I tried so hard
to get three tickets.
210
00:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,400
I just couldn't swing it.
211
00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:31,060
No, no. I understand.
212
00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:32,630
Yeah. Well, you'll probably have fun
213
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,430
watching the game all by
yourself on TV, right?
214
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,100
You know, maybe you'll even
see me and Gene waving at you.
215
00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:38,540
"Hey, Carlos." [chuckles]
216
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,310
No, I'm gonna miss it. I got a date.
217
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:41,880
Oh, well, good for you.
218
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,880
Yeah, it's with your ex-wife, Suzanne.
219
00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:45,650
Excuse me?
220
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:49,120
When I found out Gene was busy
tonight, I had to make plans.
221
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:51,050
I'm really excited about it too.
222
00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:53,120
I'm gonna take her to
this romantic little spot
223
00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:54,820
where I know the chef.
224
00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:57,270
- We'll probably get pretty drunk.
- Yeah.
225
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,970
And then I'm gonna [bleep]
the [bleep] out of her.
226
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,400
Okay. All right.
227
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,470
You can have Gene.
228
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,480
Go to the basketball game.
Just stay away from Suzanne.
229
00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:08,810
While I had lost the battle
for Gene's best friendship,
230
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:11,450
I had gained something
even more meaningful...
231
00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:14,850
an excuse to pay a visit to Suzanne.
232
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:17,790
Perhaps her gratitude at
being protected from Carlos
233
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,490
would open the door to a new future for us.
234
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,990
Hi.
235
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,930
Forrest, what do you want?
236
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:25,630
Well, I happen to know
237
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,000
that you were canceled on for the evening.
238
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:29,840
Oh, really? How do you know that?
239
00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:34,040
Well, I don't like to tell you
this, but Carlos, your date,
240
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:37,010
was actually only just
using you to get back at me.
241
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,980
Why would he do something like that?
242
00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:40,650
Because I was winning a friend-off...
243
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:41,780
- Mm.
- And so...
244
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:42,850
All right. Anything else?
245
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,180
I don't need a thank-you
246
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,650
for... for doing it, but I did think...
247
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:47,520
- Yeah?
- Since you don't have any plans
248
00:08:47,530 --> 00:08:50,060
and I don't have any plans, we can...
249
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,960
- What?
- I got that guy off your...
250
00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:53,790
- off your back.
- Yeah.
251
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,030
We got a night to ourselves.
252
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,820
- All right.
- No, but I thought...
253
00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:07,380
[knock at door]
254
00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:08,850
- Sorry.
- What?
255
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,050
When you said "We got a night to ourselves"
256
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,520
do you mean you and I are gonna...
257
00:09:11,530 --> 00:09:13,420
No. Alone.
258
00:09:13,430 --> 00:09:15,060
I just didn't get to finish.
I was gonna ask if you wanted
259
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,760
- to go and get dinner.
- No, I got that.
260
00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:18,330
- All right. I didn't know...
- My closing the door
261
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,900
meant I didn't want to do it.
262
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,500
I just hadn't said it, and I didn't know.
263
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,500
Okay. Please. Please.
264
00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:27,100
Okay.
265
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:29,710
For all the positive aspects
of having a best friend,
266
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,710
having a best friend can also leave you
267
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,710
emotionally vulnerable...
268
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,910
a questionable proposition at best.
269
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,920
Having a best friend... 2 1/2 stars.
270
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,590
Our next request comes to us via Twitter
271
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,790
from @extracheeseplease.
272
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,590
He says, "Hey, Forrest, Earth
is bumming me out these days.
273
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,630
What's it like to go to outer space?"
274
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,200
Wait a minute.
275
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,900
Really? No.
276
00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:56,970
Going to outer space, for real?
277
00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:58,910
The actual... I mean, the real outer space
278
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,480
on, like, a rocket ship?
279
00:10:00,490 --> 00:10:02,880
[laughing wildly]
280
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:05,090
- Wow!
- Oh-ho-ho.
281
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,590
I mean, I'm more excited about that
282
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,050
than anything else we've gotten so far.
283
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,820
You're gonna love it up there.
284
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:11,530
You should just stay up there forever.
285
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:14,160
[laughing] I am gonna love it up there.
286
00:10:14,170 --> 00:10:15,900
Yeah, I really am, but more importantly,
287
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:17,500
I think being up in space is gonna give me
288
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:19,700
a great sense of perspective, you know?
289
00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:21,270
Oh, my goodness.
290
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,370
Spaceward ho!
291
00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:26,010
[laughing wildly]
292
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,240
Here we go.
293
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:31,580
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
294
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:35,790
five, four, three, two...
295
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,720
- I'm going to space.
- Bye-bye!
296
00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:43,090
To date, only 525 people have
left the Earth's atmosphere.
297
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:47,100
That's less than 1% of all
people who've ever lived.
298
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:50,200
I'm lucky to be joining
that number, and so are you,
299
00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:52,940
because unlike other people who
have hoarded their experience
300
00:10:52,950 --> 00:10:56,950
of going into space, I'm
going to be sharing mine.
301
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,320
I paid a visit to 2space...
302
00:10:59,330 --> 00:11:02,550
a pioneer in the brave new
world of space tourism.
303
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,760
My salesman made it sound like
a trip to space was easier
304
00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:07,460
than a trip to Mexico...
305
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:10,660
no passport and very little
chance of being kidnapped.
306
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,060
Also, I happened to arrive
307
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:14,600
on the last day of a special promotion.
308
00:11:14,610 --> 00:11:18,140
For an extra $100,000, I
could bring a companion.
309
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:20,240
Hmm.
310
00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:23,010
[indistinct chatter] -
Where's Mom? Where's Mom?
311
00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:25,310
- Well, Mom was saying don't...
- Hello, everyone, hello.
312
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,810
Well, hi, Forrest.
313
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,520
Everyone, this is
Forrest, my ex-son-in-law.
314
00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:31,590
Nice to see you. We're
just having a little party.
315
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,490
I know, I know. And I know that
316
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:35,260
- I wasn't invited to the party.
- No, you were not.
317
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:37,360
I'm not gonna stay long,
but 75 is a big one, Jack.
318
00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:38,960
So I wanted to bring you a present.
319
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:40,330
All right. Thank you so much.
320
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:42,100
Sorry you can't stay any longer.
321
00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:43,500
I'm sorry... actually, I'm sorry.
322
00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:45,530
- Can... can you open it now?
- Well, uh...
323
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,800
- We were just in the middle...
- We were just in... uh, okay.
324
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:49,640
What are you wearing?
325
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,540
Oh, dear, it's a jumpsuit, just like yours.
326
00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:52,880
I hope it fits.
327
00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:54,540
If not, I know who I can give this to.
328
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:56,510
[laughs] - Thanks so much.
329
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:57,720
Yeah, but that's not all there is.
330
00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,490
Actually, if you open the card,
331
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,020
that's... 'cause there's
something in there.
332
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:02,890
You know, this is totally unnecessary.
333
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,630
- I wish you hadn't done this.
- Well, it's my pleasure.
334
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,670
- Yeah, so do I.
- 75.
335
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,900
That is a ticket to go into space.
336
00:12:10,910 --> 00:12:12,400
- What?
- Yeah.
337
00:12:12,410 --> 00:12:14,010
- I don't understand.
- What?
338
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,140
Yeah, it's commercial space tourism.
339
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:17,380
It's a new thing.
340
00:12:17,390 --> 00:12:18,910
You and I are going to space, Jack.
341
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,480
Do you know this has
been my lifelong dream?
342
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,680
I do know that, Jack.
343
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:23,980
- I'm going into space!
- What?
344
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,380
You and I together.
345
00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:27,490
I need to speak to you for just one second.
346
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,920
- Just one second.
- What is going on?
347
00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:31,390
- What do you mean?
- You're sending my father
348
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,590
into space? what is wrong with your brain?
349
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,260
- What do you mean by that?
- He's 75 years old!
350
00:12:36,270 --> 00:12:38,270
I had no idea that I
had to consult with you
351
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,770
about presents for your parents.
352
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,400
We are no longer married.
353
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,400
You never gave him a present
when we were married.
354
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:44,870
Because you always took care of that.
355
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,540
- All right.
- What are you angry about?
356
00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,080
I just don't know what you're up to.
357
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:49,710
- I don't know what it is.
- I'm giving him...
358
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,450
I don't know if you're
trying to impress me.
359
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:53,450
That is so narcissistic
of you to suggest that.
360
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:54,720
[scoffs]
361
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,520
Look at... look at how happy he is.
362
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:58,090
Have you ever seen him that happy?
363
00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,700
And you think this is about you?
364
00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:02,300
Forrest, this is the nicest thing
365
00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:04,900
anyone has ever done for me in 75 years.
366
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,540
I gave you two children.
367
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:07,870
[laughs]
368
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,940
- You are great.
- You are great.
369
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:11,770
- We're gonna have fun.
- All right, hugs are over.
370
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:13,310
- Oh.
- Okay.
371
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,250
Drive carefully. Those
freeways can be dangerous.
372
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:16,250
- Yeah.
- I know.
373
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:17,620
[laughter] All right.
374
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,950
Great. I'll see you.
375
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,720
I know. It's wonderful, dad.
376
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,120
Where's Eric? I'll see
you next weekend, buddy.
377
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:23,450
All right, bye-bye.
378
00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:24,730
Yeah, I know. It's a wonderful thing.
379
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,430
The beauty of space is that it's pure.
380
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,600
It's a concept, a promise,
381
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:36,770
a fresh view onto Earth.
382
00:13:36,780 --> 00:13:40,270
I believed that in space I could
escape the petty suspicions
383
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,110
and unfair judgments I was
constantly subjected to here.
384
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,080
But my eagerness to get into
the dark vacuum of space
385
00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:49,120
was nothing compared to Jack's.
386
00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:52,620
Remember there was Gus
Grissom, Alan Shepard,
387
00:13:52,630 --> 00:13:56,630
Chuck Aldrin, Glenn Armstrong,
and then, of course,
388
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,670
there was Buzz Armstrong.
389
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,270
- Yeah... no.
- No, no, wait a minute.
390
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,170
- Was it Neil Armstrong?
- Neils Armstrong is right.
391
00:14:02,180 --> 00:14:03,440
Okay.
392
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,870
And I remember when those Russians
393
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,180
got that slutprick up there before we did.
394
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:10,950
- Oh.
- Those were dark times.
395
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,550
Yeah.
396
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,950
This is wonderful.
397
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,950
When we arrived, we met our space family...
398
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,820
the three other humans who would join us
399
00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:19,460
on our heavenly journey.
400
00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,730
There was Bryce Frood, who told me secretly
401
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:23,960
he planned to propose to
his girlfriend, Carrie,
402
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,030
at 300,00 feet,
403
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:29,030
and the singer and certified
cosmonaut Lance Bass,
404
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,700
who had raised funds for his trip
405
00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:32,340
through an ambitious sponsorship plan.
406
00:14:32,350 --> 00:14:33,810
- It would be good to have.
- Right?
407
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:35,040
Were we all supposed to do that?
408
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,810
- I wish I had thought of that.
- Yeah.
409
00:14:36,820 --> 00:14:39,380
We're gonna be leaving this place, Earth.
410
00:14:39,390 --> 00:14:42,210
We're not gonna be going
anywhere near these planetoids
411
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,880
or any planetoids, for that matter.
412
00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:47,020
We're gonna be staying right in here.
413
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:50,590
What will we be looking down on?
414
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,890
Over one thrilling week, the five of us
415
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:57,920
completed an exhaustive
series of preparations.
416
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,610
Flock of seagulls.
417
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:02,910
We signed our life away on numerous forms.
418
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,610
Everybody gets one.
419
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:08,620
We learned special safety protocols.
420
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:12,630
One, two, three. Very good.
421
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:15,890
You know, someday we're
gonna live in outer space
422
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,860
and live on planets.
423
00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:20,460
I won't be around to see that,
and I don't think I want to,
424
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:22,570
but just to read about it is so exciting.
425
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:24,270
Now hit that three-point safety check.
426
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,540
- What?
- The three-point...
427
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,270
Yes, they are one, two, three,
428
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,470
- and out your go.
- Okay.
429
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,550
- Great. Yeah.
- Good job.
430
00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:35,610
Then we spent a day jumping on trampolines
431
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:38,650
to prepare our bodies and
minds for zero gravity.
432
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,720
And straddle jump.
433
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,490
Good. Touch your toes, sir.
434
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,290
It was the final stage
of preparation we needed
435
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:48,070
for the rigors of space travel.
436
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,710
In no time, the day was here.
437
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,920
I can't believe it. It's really happening.
438
00:15:56,930 --> 00:15:59,790
Up yours, slutprick.
439
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,490
In retrospect, I possibly
should have used my extra ticket
440
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,960
to bring a cameraman along.
441
00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:06,060
As it was, we had to rely on the video
442
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,480
specially produced by 2space.
443
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,000
Welcome to 2space.
444
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:14,610
It was exciting for me,
445
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:17,740
but for Jack, well, he
had spent his whole life
446
00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:19,180
dreaming of this moment,
447
00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:22,180
never really believing it was within reach.
448
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,620
Life is truly full of surprises.
449
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:25,820
- I love this.
- Yeah.
450
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,490
And I love you.
451
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,690
And I want to thank you for
bringing me on this trip.
452
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:30,920
Aw, Dad.
453
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,360
And, Forrest, I want to see you
454
00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:34,960
get back together with my daughter.
455
00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:36,330
- Aw.
- I do.
456
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:38,200
And as soon as we're off this spaceship,
457
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:40,700
I'm gonna do everything in my
power to make sure that happens.
458
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:43,270
A daughter doesn't listen to
anyone more than their pop.
459
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,340
- Believe me.
- Okay.
460
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,710
Ten, nine...
461
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,810
All: Eight, seven, six,
462
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:55,820
five, four, three, two, one.
463
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,190
Initiate launch.
464
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,200
That's one small step for man...
465
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:03,970
No. Jack!
466
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:08,640
Altitude, 300,360 feet.
467
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,010
Welcome to space.
468
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:12,680
[all screaming] - Oh, my God.
469
00:17:12,690 --> 00:17:14,140
Oh, no! No, Jack!
470
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:15,580
- Jack!
- Oh, my God, is he...
471
00:17:15,590 --> 00:17:16,680
Jack, you cannot be dead!
472
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:17,750
There's no way!
473
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,250
You got to talk to Suzanne!
474
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:21,150
Jack, you got to talk to Suzanne!
475
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,050
Oh... oh, no.
476
00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:25,160
But he was dead.
477
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,690
My dear viewer, it saddens me to say
478
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,900
that Jack's tragic failure
to fasten his safety harness
479
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:33,870
had ended the life of
this extraordinary man
480
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,880
and cast a horrible pall
over this journey into space.
481
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:41,520
But the journey would go on.
482
00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:46,280
Guys, I'm really sorry to do this,
483
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:50,720
but I've kind of promised
to promote products,
484
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,450
so, uh...
485
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,100
Steak 'N Shake...
486
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:58,370
Where the steakburger's
always out of this world.
487
00:17:58,380 --> 00:17:59,970
U-Haul...
488
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,300
Whether it's one small
step or one giant leap,
489
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:04,570
U-Haul will get you there.
490
00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,210
Krispy Kreme...
491
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:08,540
All right, guys, who brought the doughnuts?
492
00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:09,560
Huh?
493
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,150
My fellow travelers had
forked over a lot of money
494
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,120
for this once-in-a-lifetime experience,
495
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:20,490
so you couldn't blame them for
doing what they came here to do.
496
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,960
- So...
- Wait. Are... are you...
497
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:24,830
- I don't know.
- Oh, my God.
498
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,130
Oh, my God.
499
00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:29,230
I can't believe this is happening.
500
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,730
Bryce.
501
00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,340
Will you marry me, Carrie?
502
00:18:32,350 --> 00:18:34,170
Oh, it's gorgeous.
503
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,510
Of course I will. I love you so much.
504
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,410
- Is this on tape?
- Did we get it on tape?
505
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,110
- Wait. Was that...
- Uh...
506
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,590
Was that body in front
of there the whole time?
507
00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:50,370
I'm sorry, Jack, but I have to do this.
508
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:56,500
Being up in space is a
truly incredible experience.
509
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,940
And looking down on all of humanity,
510
00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:02,840
the miracle of life is
indescribably profound,
511
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,550
and the beauty of our planet
is simply awe-inspiring.
512
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,110
- My soul exalts at the...
- Brace for landing.
513
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:09,950
At the wonders of our... [thrusters roar]
514
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,290
Universe.
515
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,320
It's beautiful up here.
516
00:19:14,330 --> 00:19:15,830
It's beautiful.
517
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,300
Jack's body was returning to Earth...
518
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:22,060
- We're engaged!
- But his soul would remain
519
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:24,130
where he had always wanted it to be...
520
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:25,670
Lance, how was it?
521
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,400
Eh.
522
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:30,140
Though I wasn't sure Suzanne
would see it that way.
523
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:32,680
- How was it?
- I have, uh... I have good news,
524
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,140
and I have really, really bad news...
525
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:35,580
- Where's my father?
- For you.
526
00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:36,980
- Oh, my God.
- There were some problems.
527
00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,150
- Oh, my God.
- Where's my father?
528
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,150
- Oh, my God!
- Jack!
529
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,520
Oh, my God! Jack!
530
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:44,250
God! [sobbing]
531
00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:46,090
You killed my father in outer space?
532
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,560
- Well, no.
- So what's the good news?
533
00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:50,530
You said there was good
news and bad news, Forrest.
534
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:51,930
What's the good news?
535
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,260
Space was amazing?
536
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,130
You son of a bitch!
537
00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:58,470
- I didn't...
- Nobody wants you, Forrest!
538
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,270
Get your hands off me, mustache!
539
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,270
- Mom!
- [sobbing]
540
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,170
- Oh, baby.
- Daddy.
541
00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:07,330
- Daddy's gone!
- Daddy's gone!
542
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,370
You monster!
543
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:12,280
You're a bastard!
544
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:22,310
My only consolation is that
Jack died doing what he loved.
545
00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:26,530
Almost getting into space.
546
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:28,170
Right.
547
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,200
If you're lucky enough
to go into outer space,
548
00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:32,330
you'll probably choose to
travel without a corpse
549
00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:36,500
and will have an even more
majestic experience than I did.
550
00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:40,509
Space travel... a very somber five stars.
551
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:46,510
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
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