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1
00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:02,980
Life... it's literally
all we have.
2
00:00:03,006 --> 00:00:04,276
But is it any good?
3
00:00:04,302 --> 00:00:05,224
I'm a reviewer,
4
00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:06,151
but I don't review
5
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:07,869
food, books, or movies.
6
00:00:07,895 --> 00:00:09,975
I review life itself.
7
00:00:18,948 --> 00:00:20,498
Over here.
8
00:00:25,098 --> 00:00:27,049
Hello, and welcome to Review.
9
00:00:27,084 --> 00:00:28,251
I am Forrest MacNeil,
10
00:00:28,286 --> 00:00:30,695
and this is my cohost,
A.J. Gibbs.
11
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,087
Life is a trip.
12
00:00:32,122 --> 00:00:34,385
And this show is my passport.
13
00:00:34,420 --> 00:00:37,493
A.J., where shall we go next?
14
00:00:37,528 --> 00:00:39,501
Gina from Toluca Lake
has a question.
15
00:00:39,536 --> 00:00:40,695
Aha.
16
00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:42,784
Forrest, I've often wondered,
17
00:00:42,819 --> 00:00:46,354
what would it be like
to kill a person?
18
00:00:46,389 --> 00:00:47,398
Whoa.
19
00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:50,809
"Whoa" is exactly right.
20
00:00:51,912 --> 00:00:53,860
I want to choose my words
21
00:00:53,895 --> 00:00:57,142
very carefully here.
22
00:00:57,177 --> 00:00:59,772
Gina, I will do many things,
23
00:00:59,807 --> 00:01:03,532
but to take a life
is wrong beyond all reason.
24
00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:05,310
As a man who reviews life,
25
00:01:05,345 --> 00:01:09,206
I simply have too much
respect for it to end one.
26
00:01:09,241 --> 00:01:10,529
And so,
27
00:01:10,564 --> 00:01:11,896
for the first time
28
00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:13,546
in Review history,
29
00:01:13,581 --> 00:01:17,376
I hereby enact
the power... of the host veto.
30
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,589
Holy [bleep].
31
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,498
Thank you.
32
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,666
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
33
00:01:36,701 --> 00:01:37,617
Yes, I am.
34
00:01:37,652 --> 00:01:39,875
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
35
00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:40,789
Yes, I am.
36
00:01:40,824 --> 00:01:43,147
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
37
00:01:43,182 --> 00:01:44,084
Yes, I am.
38
00:01:44,119 --> 00:01:45,681
You may veto
this review.
39
00:01:45,716 --> 00:01:48,366
Thank you, Grant.
40
00:01:48,401 --> 00:01:50,752
A.J., shield your eyes.
41
00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:58,068
Oh.
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00:01:58,103 --> 00:01:59,608
With solemn regard,
43
00:01:59,643 --> 00:02:02,161
the first host veto
of the season
44
00:02:02,196 --> 00:02:06,264
is hereby dutifully cast
by me, Forrest MacNeil,
45
00:02:06,299 --> 00:02:08,498
being of sound mind.
46
00:02:08,499 --> 00:02:10,508
Killing a Person:
47
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:11,439
vetoed.
48
00:02:13,696 --> 00:02:16,499
Please destroy this...
49
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:20,840
and these.
50
00:02:21,737 --> 00:02:23,038
That was exciting!
51
00:02:23,073 --> 00:02:25,364
Okay, you only
have one veto left.
52
00:02:25,399 --> 00:02:26,116
Yes.
53
00:02:26,151 --> 00:02:28,039
I have no doubt that
that was totally necessary,
54
00:02:28,074 --> 00:02:31,007
but I can tell you,
it did not feel good.
55
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:31,789
All right, let's get on
56
00:02:31,824 --> 00:02:33,832
to the better stuff
that life has to offer.
57
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:35,757
A.J., what is my next review,
please?
58
00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:38,437
Your next question
is from Erica.
59
00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:40,318
"Disclaimer: I'm pretty high.
60
00:02:40,353 --> 00:02:42,498
"But what would it be like
to let a Magic 8 Ball
61
00:02:42,499 --> 00:02:44,809
make all your decisions?"
62
00:02:44,844 --> 00:02:45,409
Okay.
63
00:02:45,444 --> 00:02:46,652
I guess she's talking about
64
00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:48,676
the children's toy,
the Magic 8 Ball.
65
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:49,423
Huh.
66
00:02:49,458 --> 00:02:51,312
Living life
by the Magic 8 Ball?
67
00:02:51,347 --> 00:02:53,160
That... I will do.
68
00:02:53,195 --> 00:02:54,192
You know what?
69
00:02:54,227 --> 00:02:55,997
It might actually be fun.
70
00:02:56,032 --> 00:02:58,314
Shall I explain
how this is going to work?
71
00:03:00,499 --> 00:03:02,496
"Yes."
Okay.
72
00:03:02,531 --> 00:03:05,026
For the rest of the day,
every decision I have to make,
73
00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:07,063
every question
life throws at me,
74
00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:08,749
I will run it
by the Magic 8 Ball
75
00:03:08,784 --> 00:03:10,852
and do what it
tells me.
76
00:03:10,887 --> 00:03:12,340
And in order
to keep the rest of the world
77
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:14,911
in the dark about this
rather odd practice,
78
00:03:14,946 --> 00:03:17,296
I'm gonna keep the 8 Ball
here in this fanny pack.
79
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,605
I don't want anyone
to think I'm weird.
80
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,474
So...
81
00:03:20,509 --> 00:03:23,046
shall I head out into the world?
82
00:03:26,746 --> 00:03:28,556
"Most likely."
83
00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:30,648
Very well then.
84
00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:32,371
Should I
use the men's room?
85
00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:35,418
As I set out
on this journey of chance,
86
00:03:35,453 --> 00:03:37,240
the idea of giving up
all of the day's
87
00:03:37,275 --> 00:03:38,987
decision-making
responsibilities
88
00:03:39,022 --> 00:03:41,498
to this children's toy
struck me as a relief...
89
00:03:41,499 --> 00:03:43,133
Should I help
pick this stuff up?
90
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,023
That would be great.
91
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,846
Though one with certain risks.
92
00:03:47,881 --> 00:03:50,057
"No."
Sorry.
93
00:03:54,581 --> 00:03:56,923
Can I say hello
to these two people?
94
00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,834
Since 1950,
the iconic Magic 8 Ball,
95
00:03:59,869 --> 00:04:02,221
with its mysterious triangle
afloat
96
00:04:02,256 --> 00:04:05,087
in an inky blue
nontoxic realm,
97
00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:07,166
has provided advice
and premonition
98
00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:09,251
to those adrift
in the inky blue,
99
00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:11,447
often toxic, waters of life.
100
00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:13,492
Can I cross the street?
101
00:04:14,792 --> 00:04:17,524
These "ask again later"s
are a real problem.
102
00:04:17,559 --> 00:04:20,414
The more I embraced
the randomness of life...
103
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:23,684
Shall I share my food
with this hungry creature?
104
00:04:23,719 --> 00:04:27,405
The more meaningful
even the smallest decision seemed to be.
105
00:04:29,596 --> 00:04:33,260
Should I
chase after this squirrel?
106
00:04:33,295 --> 00:04:35,191
And I had a lot of fun.
107
00:04:37,959 --> 00:04:39,333
Where did... Okay.
108
00:04:39,368 --> 00:04:42,046
Should I follow him
up into the tree?
109
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,683
This is great!
110
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:47,040
But, of course, I wasn't happy
111
00:04:47,075 --> 00:04:49,103
with all of the 8 Ball's
decisions.
112
00:04:49,138 --> 00:04:50,464
Shall I have a hot dog?
113
00:04:52,398 --> 00:04:53,545
And it soon became clear
114
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:56,263
that this plastic ball
also had the capacity
115
00:04:56,298 --> 00:04:58,299
to complicate my family life.
116
00:04:58,334 --> 00:04:58,839
It's Suzanne.
117
00:04:58,874 --> 00:05:01,735
Okay, uh, can I answer this,
please?
118
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:03,761
Despite many attempts
to contact her,
119
00:05:03,796 --> 00:05:06,054
I had not spoken
with my ex-wife Suzanne
120
00:05:06,089 --> 00:05:08,130
since I gave a toast
at her rehearsal dinner,
121
00:05:08,165 --> 00:05:09,996
that caused her
to call off her wedding.
122
00:05:10,031 --> 00:05:12,487
He is constantly sleeping with
baseball groupie whores!
123
00:05:12,522 --> 00:05:13,994
What?
What is going on?
124
00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:15,155
Yes.
Yes!
125
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,498
Yes.
Hello. Hi. Hi.
126
00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:18,886
Hi, Forrest, I saw you called
many times.
127
00:05:18,921 --> 00:05:21,347
Yeah, hi.
Hey, what's up? What's going on?
128
00:05:21,382 --> 00:05:24,951
Were you calling to apologize
for ruining my life again?
129
00:05:24,986 --> 00:05:28,078
Uh...
130
00:05:28,113 --> 00:05:28,866
Forrest?
131
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:31,498
Yeah, no, I... just a second.
132
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:34,389
Uh,
"Better not tell you now."
133
00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:34,989
Okay?
134
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:37,415
- "Better not tell me now"?
- Yeah.
135
00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:38,616
What does that even mean?
136
00:05:38,651 --> 00:05:39,150
Uh...
137
00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:41,130
Are you sorry or not?
138
00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,920
Forrest.
139
00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:44,619
Just a second.
Just a second.
140
00:05:46,776 --> 00:05:48,139
"Don't count on it."
141
00:05:48,174 --> 00:05:49,761
Really?
142
00:05:49,796 --> 00:05:51,162
All right,
go [bleep] yourself.
143
00:05:51,197 --> 00:05:52,918
- Stop calling me.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
144
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,321
Ask me another question.
Ask me a different question.
145
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,759
While I was ready
to talk through
146
00:05:56,794 --> 00:05:59,318
the issues Suzanne and I
were experiencing,
147
00:05:59,353 --> 00:06:01,789
it was clear
that the Magic 8 Ball was not.
148
00:06:01,824 --> 00:06:03,096
What?
149
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:06,491
With the Magic 8 Ball
guiding my every move,
150
00:06:06,526 --> 00:06:08,870
I ended up far outside
the zip code
151
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,486
where I feel
most comfortable.
152
00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:13,176
Can I please call a cab
to take me home?
153
00:06:13,211 --> 00:06:15,071
And the worst was yet to come.
154
00:06:15,106 --> 00:06:17,434
Hey! Hey, man.
Hey, friend!
155
00:06:17,469 --> 00:06:18,731
You have 20 bucks?
156
00:06:18,766 --> 00:06:22,566
Do I want to give this man
$20 to...
157
00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:25,431
probably buy
illegal drugs?
158
00:06:27,271 --> 00:06:29,062
- All right. Here you go.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
159
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:33,231
Now can I please,
please go home?
160
00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,383
[bleep].
You're still 10 shy.
161
00:06:35,418 --> 00:06:36,468
[bleep].
I just gave you a 20.
162
00:06:36,503 --> 00:06:38,186
[bleep].
You gave me a 10.
163
00:06:38,221 --> 00:06:39,922
Was that a 20, man?
164
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:41,677
I knew I had given him a 20.
165
00:06:41,712 --> 00:06:43,789
I knew that all I had
were 20s.
166
00:06:43,824 --> 00:06:46,458
I could have easily
settled this dispute.
167
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,141
But the 8 Ball
had brought me
168
00:06:48,176 --> 00:06:50,346
to this bizarre
and troublesome place
169
00:06:50,381 --> 00:06:51,883
and the 8 Ball
would decide
170
00:06:51,918 --> 00:06:54,199
what I did next.
171
00:06:54,234 --> 00:06:55,804
"My reply is no."
172
00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:56,660
Told you.
173
00:06:56,695 --> 00:06:58,780
That was a 20, man!
174
00:06:58,815 --> 00:07:00,143
- Guess I could ask...
- [bleep].
175
00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:01,320
Oh, no.
Hey, hey, hey!
176
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,718
Oh, whoa.
Oh, God.
177
00:07:02,753 --> 00:07:03,815
Can I get
out of here?
178
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:04,995
Can I please
get out of here?
179
00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:06,621
[bleep].
Oh, God!
180
00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:08,705
Can I please
get out of here?
181
00:07:11,321 --> 00:07:12,434
Oh, God!
182
00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:13,637
Please.
183
00:07:13,902 --> 00:07:15,684
- Oh, my God.
- [bleep].
184
00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:17,104
You didn't see [bleep].
185
00:07:17,139 --> 00:07:18,421
Oh, God.
186
00:07:18,456 --> 00:07:22,195
Can I please
get out of here?
187
00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:23,887
Thanks to an incredible streak
188
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:26,538
of non-answers
and negative answers,
189
00:07:26,573 --> 00:07:28,171
I didn't go anywhere.
190
00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:32,927
Can I please, please
go somewhere safe?
191
00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:33,938
When the police arrived,
192
00:07:33,973 --> 00:07:36,207
they asked me
a very important question.
193
00:07:36,242 --> 00:07:37,286
A witness
thought she saw
194
00:07:37,321 --> 00:07:39,135
a guy running
from this area.
195
00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:40,874
You recognize
this man?
196
00:07:40,909 --> 00:07:43,409
How I longed
to be of service to them.
197
00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:51,997
"My reply is no."
198
00:07:52,032 --> 00:07:55,660
All right, guys,
turn him loose.
199
00:07:55,695 --> 00:07:58,809
Thank you very much, sir,
for your cooperation.
200
00:07:58,844 --> 00:08:00,638
Arbitrarily made choices
201
00:08:00,673 --> 00:08:02,999
could lead to
inspired exhilaration
202
00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:06,814
or aiding in the escape
of a violent felon.
203
00:08:06,849 --> 00:08:08,465
In the end,
it's always better
204
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:12,021
to captain one's own ship
on gut instinct.
205
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,068
If I crash
into the rocks of life,
206
00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:17,854
I want it to be because
I steered the ship there myself.
207
00:08:17,889 --> 00:08:20,668
Living your life
by a Magic 8 Ball gets...
208
00:08:20,703 --> 00:08:22,321
one star.
209
00:08:25,418 --> 00:08:28,562
Our next review
comes from Bill in Pasadena.
210
00:08:28,597 --> 00:08:29,538
All righty.
211
00:08:29,573 --> 00:08:30,193
Hey, Forrest.
212
00:08:30,228 --> 00:08:32,665
I was raised
with a good work ethic,
213
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:33,713
but a lot of the guys
in my office
214
00:08:33,748 --> 00:08:35,617
just screw around all day.
215
00:08:35,652 --> 00:08:37,934
What's it like
to procrastinate?
216
00:08:37,969 --> 00:08:39,571
- Hmm.
- Oh.
217
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,398
My friend has this Tumblr
218
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,847
of these panda bears
falling out of trees.
219
00:08:44,882 --> 00:08:46,184
I'll send you
the link.
220
00:08:46,219 --> 00:08:48,056
You will be lost on there
for days.
221
00:08:48,091 --> 00:08:49,464
I'm supposed to follow a link
222
00:08:49,499 --> 00:08:50,960
- to a Tumblr?
- Yeah.
223
00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:52,885
That right there will take me
most of an afternoon.
224
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:59,041
Okay, well,
I'm off to procrastinate!
225
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:01,545
Oh, wow.
Wait a minute.
226
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,110
Oh, I have a problem.
227
00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:05,429
What's the problem?
228
00:09:05,464 --> 00:09:07,458
The problem is,
229
00:09:07,493 --> 00:09:09,520
my task here
is to procrastinate.
230
00:09:09,555 --> 00:09:11,400
Yes.
Good luck!
231
00:09:11,435 --> 00:09:14,139
Well, a procrastinator
doesn't do his task.
232
00:09:14,174 --> 00:09:16,760
Because to procrastinate
is to not do your task.
233
00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:17,298
You know what I mean?
234
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:19,191
So my task
is to not do my task.
235
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,907
I think... it feels like
there's an impossible logic flaw
236
00:09:22,942 --> 00:09:24,026
at the heart
of this question.
237
00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,320
I don't know
if I can do this.
238
00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:29,881
Can I just say sometimes you're
a little rigid on the rules?
239
00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:31,893
- What's the problem?
- Oh. I...
240
00:09:31,928 --> 00:09:34,640
I don't think
I can review procrastinating.
241
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:35,531
It's impossible.
242
00:09:35,566 --> 00:09:37,445
I can't procrastinate
procrastinating.
243
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,430
Because then I won't be
procrastinating, right?
244
00:09:39,465 --> 00:09:40,671
I'll be procrastinating.
245
00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,233
That's the problem.
Yeah.
246
00:09:42,268 --> 00:09:43,320
I mean, this
is like a classic
247
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:44,638
snake drawing his own hand.
248
00:09:44,673 --> 00:09:45,651
It can't be done.
249
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,146
It can't be done.
It can't be done.
250
00:09:47,181 --> 00:09:49,887
I wish it could be done,
but this... there's no way.
251
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,320
A.J.,
252
00:09:51,321 --> 00:09:52,652
for the second
253
00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:54,862
and final time
this season,
254
00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:57,688
I hereby
enact the power of
255
00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,226
the host veto.
256
00:09:59,261 --> 00:10:00,494
Yes!
257
00:10:01,321 --> 00:10:02,320
I mean...
258
00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:10,510
Thank you, Grant.
259
00:10:10,545 --> 00:10:12,515
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
260
00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:13,428
Yes, I am.
261
00:10:13,463 --> 00:10:15,320
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
262
00:10:15,355 --> 00:10:15,959
Yes, I am.
263
00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:17,982
Are you certain you wish
to veto this review?
264
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:18,914
Yes, I am.
265
00:10:18,949 --> 00:10:20,141
You may veto
this review.
266
00:10:20,176 --> 00:10:21,933
Thank you, Grant.
267
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:24,763
A.J., shield your eyes.
268
00:10:29,355 --> 00:10:31,008
With solemn regard,
269
00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:34,591
the second and final host veto
of the season
270
00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:36,427
is hereby been dutifully cast
271
00:10:36,462 --> 00:10:40,099
by me, Forrest MacNeil,
being of sound mind.
272
00:10:40,134 --> 00:10:41,908
Procrastination:
273
00:10:41,943 --> 00:10:43,105
vetoed.
274
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:44,632
Please destroy this...
275
00:10:44,667 --> 00:10:48,100
and please preserve these
for their historical value.
276
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:52,884
Okay.
277
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:58,328
With zero more vetoes left,
278
00:10:58,363 --> 00:11:00,437
here is your next review.
279
00:11:00,472 --> 00:11:02,372
Gina in Toluca Lake?
280
00:11:02,407 --> 00:11:03,343
- Wait a minute.
- Hi.
281
00:11:03,378 --> 00:11:04,273
I did this once already,
282
00:11:04,308 --> 00:11:06,285
but I don't see it
in my sent folder,
283
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,514
so I'm not sure it went.
284
00:11:08,549 --> 00:11:10,446
But anyway,
my question is,
285
00:11:10,481 --> 00:11:14,610
what it would be like
to kill a person?
286
00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,320
Wha... no.
287
00:11:16,321 --> 00:11:18,951
I already vetoed...
I vetoed that.
288
00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:22,090
Technically,
this is a new review.
289
00:11:22,125 --> 00:11:23,889
Oh, my God.
290
00:11:31,444 --> 00:11:32,868
Oh, my God.
291
00:11:32,903 --> 00:11:34,624
You know, you could have just
wasted some time
292
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,320
like a normal person.
293
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,320
Ah.
294
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:40,930
Yeah.
295
00:11:41,766 --> 00:11:44,437
Moments after a viewer
asked me to kill someone,
296
00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:46,862
I was summoned to a meeting
with my producer Grant
297
00:11:46,897 --> 00:11:48,958
and Review's legal counsel.
298
00:11:48,993 --> 00:11:51,543
There should've been
three vetoes.
299
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,425
Yes.
In retrospect, that is clear.
300
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,152
But alas.
301
00:11:55,187 --> 00:11:59,526
Anyway, I just wanted to make
our position very clear.
302
00:11:59,561 --> 00:12:01,881
You should not commit
a murder for the show.
303
00:12:01,916 --> 00:12:03,071
Period.
304
00:12:04,581 --> 00:12:06,774
I agree with that.
305
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,121
We don't care that it might have
been ground-breaking,
306
00:12:10,156 --> 00:12:12,664
award-winning television
307
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,422
that people might have
talked about for years.
308
00:12:14,457 --> 00:12:16,085
None of that matters.
309
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,807
We're talking about
a human life.
310
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,146
That's... yeah. That's right.
311
00:12:19,181 --> 00:12:19,973
It's a human life.
312
00:12:20,008 --> 00:12:21,982
Even if that means
fading into obscurity,
313
00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:23,237
there is no one
314
00:12:23,272 --> 00:12:25,063
whose life is so worthless
315
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:27,291
- that you should do this.
- Yep.
316
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:28,311
Even if by not doing it,
317
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:30,122
eventually people go,
"Oh, yeah,
318
00:12:30,157 --> 00:12:32,828
"who was that guy
back in the day, Frosty McNell?
319
00:12:32,863 --> 00:12:37,103
He had a show where he
barfed up pancakes?"
320
00:12:37,138 --> 00:12:41,157
And if you did do this thing,
you would be doing it
321
00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:44,285
knowing that not only were you
not told to by the show,
322
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,617
you were expressly told
not to do it.
323
00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:51,104
Oh.
324
00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:54,448
Okay.
Right.
325
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:56,371
- Good.
- Yeah, okay.
326
00:12:56,406 --> 00:12:57,892
Yeah.
I got it. I get it.
327
00:12:57,927 --> 00:13:01,842
So you're telling me
328
00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:03,440
I have to do this.
329
00:13:03,475 --> 00:13:04,681
No no no no no.
330
00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:06,211
Not at all.
Quite the opposite.
331
00:13:06,246 --> 00:13:06,885
Absolutely not.
332
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,238
Don't do it.
333
00:13:09,273 --> 00:13:10,272
Got it.
334
00:13:10,893 --> 00:13:12,021
Okay, thank you, Forrest.
335
00:13:12,056 --> 00:13:15,055
Yeah, no, thank you.
Very good.
336
00:13:16,238 --> 00:13:18,238
Is he gonna do it?
337
00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:23,351
We have told him
not to do it.
338
00:13:25,397 --> 00:13:28,154
This was truly
the most horrifying request
339
00:13:28,189 --> 00:13:30,782
in two seasons
as a reviewer of life.
340
00:13:30,817 --> 00:13:32,514
- You wanted to see me?
- Dad, yes.
341
00:13:32,549 --> 00:13:34,843
As I grappled
with the awful implications
342
00:13:34,878 --> 00:13:36,858
of what I was being asked to do,
343
00:13:36,893 --> 00:13:39,603
I turned for advice
to my father.
344
00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:44,318
I know that you served
during Vietnam.
345
00:13:44,353 --> 00:13:45,965
Yep, I... I sure did.
346
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,583
Yeah.
347
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:52,353
I need to know
what it felt like.
348
00:13:52,388 --> 00:13:55,816
I've never talked about this
to anyone,
349
00:13:55,851 --> 00:13:58,363
and with good reason.
350
00:13:58,398 --> 00:14:02,856
I think I need to hear it, Dad.
351
00:14:04,863 --> 00:14:07,265
I joined in 1970.
352
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,698
I enlisted with my friends,
353
00:14:09,699 --> 00:14:11,918
Danny Alfaro
and Jared Lenk.
354
00:14:11,953 --> 00:14:15,205
But right when
we started training,
355
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,167
I came down with
a terrible case of diarrhea
356
00:14:18,202 --> 00:14:20,537
they couldn't do
anything about.
357
00:14:20,572 --> 00:14:21,187
Uh-huh.
358
00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:23,830
They didn't know
if it was a viral thing
359
00:14:23,865 --> 00:14:26,177
or an intestinal
inflammation
360
00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:27,993
or... I mean, they couldn't even
keep me hydrated.
361
00:14:28,028 --> 00:14:30,847
Okay, but then at some point,
you, you know...
362
00:14:30,882 --> 00:14:32,407
they shipped you out.
363
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:35,958
Yeah, they transferred me
to a medical center in Oklahoma.
364
00:14:35,993 --> 00:14:38,719
They had a whole
team of doctors
365
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,238
trying to figure
this thing out.
366
00:14:40,273 --> 00:14:42,094
The diarrhea.
367
00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:43,081
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
368
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,594
And my paperwork
got mucked up.
369
00:14:45,629 --> 00:14:46,294
Uh-huh.
370
00:14:46,329 --> 00:14:48,024
Spent the next 2 1/2 years
371
00:14:48,059 --> 00:14:50,993
bouncing around
in the hospital system.
372
00:14:51,198 --> 00:14:53,027
Did you say
you spent 2 1/2 years
373
00:14:53,062 --> 00:14:56,446
just in the hospital
in the United States?
374
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:59,025
- Studied transistor radios.
- Uh-huh.
375
00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:00,337
I learned to cook.
376
00:15:00,372 --> 00:15:01,894
They made me
an honorary nurse.
377
00:15:01,929 --> 00:15:04,766
- Did they?
- Yeah, 'cause I was around so much.
378
00:15:04,801 --> 00:15:05,812
Okay, sorry, I just...
379
00:15:05,847 --> 00:15:07,436
I didn't have
anything else to do.
380
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,794
Got it.
Look, I wanted to... I just wanted to...
381
00:15:09,829 --> 00:15:13,277
I mean, you never killed anybody
over there or anything?
382
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,203
As a nurse, you mean?
383
00:15:15,238 --> 00:15:18,135
No, I mean,
you know, in war.
384
00:15:18,170 --> 00:15:20,207
Oh, God, no.
385
00:15:20,242 --> 00:15:22,877
I have a lot of stuff
to get to.
386
00:15:22,912 --> 00:15:24,598
But you know,
to this day...
387
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,773
Yeah?
388
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:28,807
I get the trots,
389
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:32,402
I go right back there.
390
00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:34,011
Sure.
391
00:15:34,046 --> 00:15:36,705
Sounds like that was a...
392
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,236
life-changing
case of diarrhea there.
393
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,562
My father's input
was equal parts
394
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:45,443
disgusting and unhelpful.
395
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,492
But I did eventually
396
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:48,996
think of someone I could kill.
397
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,454
I tracked down the young man
398
00:15:50,489 --> 00:15:52,340
whose brutal beating
I had witnessed
399
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:54,374
and learned
that he was in a coma
400
00:15:54,409 --> 00:15:56,040
with less than a 1% chance
401
00:15:56,075 --> 00:15:59,255
of ever
regaining consciousness.
402
00:15:59,853 --> 00:16:02,683
This feels like...
403
00:16:02,718 --> 00:16:06,284
the least bad way.
404
00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:17,001
This is... I mean...
405
00:16:17,036 --> 00:16:19,528
Yeah. Okay. All right.
406
00:16:20,106 --> 00:16:22,202
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep].
407
00:16:22,237 --> 00:16:23,887
No!
No, no!
408
00:16:23,922 --> 00:16:25,613
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
409
00:16:25,648 --> 00:16:26,650
I can't do it.
410
00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:31,821
[bleep] that.
No.
411
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:33,909
Nope.
412
00:16:33,944 --> 00:16:36,331
I can't do it.
413
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:37,924
Oh, God.
414
00:16:38,378 --> 00:16:40,468
But then I realized
that I knew someone
415
00:16:40,503 --> 00:16:43,502
who was much more deserving
of my murder.
416
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,656
Ray, the man who administered
417
00:16:45,691 --> 00:16:47,897
that horrible beating
and got away with it,
418
00:16:47,932 --> 00:16:50,294
arguably partly because of me,
419
00:16:50,329 --> 00:16:52,254
was surely a man I could kill
420
00:16:52,289 --> 00:16:55,142
with a somewhat softer
pang of guilt.
421
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:57,661
Finding Ray turned out to be
remarkably easy.
422
00:16:57,696 --> 00:16:58,930
I'm looking for this man.
423
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:01,092
He sells drugs around here.
424
00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:04,126
He was well-known
throughout the neighborhood.
425
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:07,318
I've just come from Walmart
426
00:17:07,353 --> 00:17:08,944
where I purchased a gun
427
00:17:08,979 --> 00:17:09,942
and some ammunition
428
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:12,405
and several
impulse purchases too.
429
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:13,459
I don't know.
430
00:17:13,494 --> 00:17:15,885
Who can resist a $2 lawn chair?
431
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:16,613
Certainly not me.
432
00:17:16,648 --> 00:17:17,518
This is where Ray lives.
433
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:18,776
And I'm gonna go in there
434
00:17:18,811 --> 00:17:21,842
and I'm gonna do
what I need to do...
435
00:17:21,877 --> 00:17:24,233
with this gun.
436
00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:25,911
And I'm very, very frightened.
437
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:38,963
I want you to keep
a safe distance, okay?
438
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,040
Hey!
439
00:18:04,624 --> 00:18:06,214
Oh.
440
00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:08,248
I know you.
441
00:18:08,326 --> 00:18:10,325
You're the guy
from the other night
442
00:18:10,468 --> 00:18:12,467
when the cops grabbed me.
443
00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:14,781
- Yeah.
- What are you doing here?
444
00:18:14,816 --> 00:18:16,462
Nothing.
445
00:18:16,497 --> 00:18:19,197
This is a miracle, man.
446
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,782
You are my [bleep]
guardian angel, man.
447
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:25,277
I been thinkin'
about you all the time.
448
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,874
You not ratting me
out like that,
449
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:28,755
that was the best
[bleep] thing
450
00:18:28,790 --> 00:18:31,635
anyone has ever done for me
in my whole [bleep] life.
451
00:18:31,670 --> 00:18:36,256
It's like I got a real chance
to start over.
452
00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:37,686
I'm not gonna
[bleep] it up.
453
00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:39,785
I already enrolled
to take the GED!
454
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,226
I'ma get sober.
455
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,530
I'ma be a drug counselor
for teens.
456
00:18:43,726 --> 00:18:45,565
In less than a minute,
this monster,
457
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,019
who I had so easily
condemned to death
458
00:18:48,054 --> 00:18:49,418
had become a human to me.
459
00:18:49,453 --> 00:18:50,205
This is my son.
460
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,441
His name is Eric.
461
00:18:51,476 --> 00:18:52,873
I have a son named Eric.
462
00:18:52,908 --> 00:18:54,352
A man with a future
463
00:18:54,387 --> 00:18:56,439
and a right to go on living.
464
00:18:56,474 --> 00:18:57,431
- Hi, Ray.
- Ray Dunkelman.
465
00:18:57,466 --> 00:18:58,069
Bring it in.
466
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,124
I knew I could not do it.
467
00:19:00,159 --> 00:19:01,686
I could not kill
Ray Dunkelman.
468
00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:02,726
Yeah, Forrest!
469
00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:04,995
It was a heartwarming moment.
470
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,868
And then Ray discovered
something.
471
00:19:06,903 --> 00:19:08,296
What the [bleep]
is this?
472
00:19:08,331 --> 00:19:09,463
- What do you mean?
- Whoa, hey.
473
00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:10,486
- What are you doing?
- Are you wearing a wire?
474
00:19:10,521 --> 00:19:11,822
It was simply the microphone
475
00:19:11,857 --> 00:19:14,176
that records my audio
for this show.
476
00:19:14,211 --> 00:19:17,203
But Ray was not listening
to explanations.
477
00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:25,304
You bit me!
478
00:19:25,339 --> 00:19:27,862
What the [bleep], Forrest?
479
00:19:38,537 --> 00:19:40,476
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
480
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:42,483
Oh, my God.
481
00:19:47,434 --> 00:19:49,331
There should have been
another veto.
482
00:19:49,366 --> 00:19:52,034
There should have been
another veto.
483
00:19:52,069 --> 00:19:53,662
There should have been
another veto.
484
00:19:55,381 --> 00:19:57,581
Whoa.
Forrest.
485
00:19:57,616 --> 00:20:00,684
That was pretty intense.
486
00:20:00,719 --> 00:20:02,253
Was it?
487
00:20:03,345 --> 00:20:07,686
If, in fact,
what you had just seen
488
00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:09,927
had been the killing
of one person
489
00:20:09,962 --> 00:20:11,956
by another person,
490
00:20:11,991 --> 00:20:14,885
then I suppose
that other person
491
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,461
would have found
the experience
492
00:20:16,496 --> 00:20:19,686
to have been
highly traumatizing,
493
00:20:19,687 --> 00:20:21,806
resulting in
a ceaseless barrage
494
00:20:21,841 --> 00:20:26,209
of nightmares and daymares
495
00:20:26,244 --> 00:20:29,739
that will probably
haunt him or her
496
00:20:29,774 --> 00:20:31,862
for the rest of his life.
497
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,185
Killing someone,
therefore,
498
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:38,297
theoretically gets,
499
00:20:38,332 --> 00:20:40,876
I'm assuming...
500
00:20:40,911 --> 00:20:42,687
half a star.
501
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,099
Just so you know,
the guy in the coma died too.
502
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:51,519
Oh, is that right?
503
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,305
- Yeah.
- Okay.
504
00:20:56,091 --> 00:20:58,560
Extra cheese!
505
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:09,080
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
32146
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