Original subtitles

[DOOR CREAKING]

MARSHALL: Eerie, Indiana.

Day forty five.

I knew my hometown was going to be different from where I grew up in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me,

but Eerie is the center of weirdness for entire planet.

Item, a guy that looks suspiciously like Elvis, lives on my paper route.

Thank ya, lil' paper boy.

Item, Bigfoot eats out of my trash.

Item, a bizzare housewife cult in town has been sealing up their

kids in giant rubber kitchenware so they don't age.

And now, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse,

I discovered that in Eerie, [GROWLING]

even man's best friend is up to no good.

[CROW CAWING]

When I try to tell this to my family,

they just think I'm weird.

Better weird than dead.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Marshall... Where do you 'spose he got to?

Don't suppose he forgot about his appointment?

You know Marshall. He never forgets anything.

Heck, he remembers stuff that never happened.

He's around somewhere. Marshall!

Uh-oh.

Hey Mom, have you seen my tapeplayer anywhere?

It's probably where you left it.

Marshall!

Were you looking for me?

No, we were just practicing.

Of course we were looking for you. You'll be late for your orthodontist appointment.

I don't want to go.

What do you mean you don't want to go?

MARILYN: What's the matter, honey?

You're not still afraid of getting a retainer, are you?

Don't make me do it, please. What's gotten into you?

[DOGS HOWLING]

Dogs...

Big drooling armies of dogs.

SYNDI: You mean like that man eating poodle?

Never mind about dogs.

Sometimes in life, you have to do things that you're afraid of.

And going to the orthodontist is one of those things.

But you don't understand... We'll talk about it in the car.

Um, Marshall...

Honey, your father and I are getting a little concerned about you.

Son, you don't seem to be making a lot of new friends in Eerie.

And you haven't taken off your Giants sweatshirt in months.

And now, you're making a big deal out of a simple retainer.

Is there something you want to talk about?

MARSHALL: Even if I tell my parents, they won't believe me.

They'll just think I'm homesick, or worst yet, crazy.

[DOG BARKING]

You see, hideous pain and the fact that I'll look goofy

don't have anything to do with why I don't want a Retainer.

It's dogs I am worried about. [DOG BARKING]

It all started with a guy named Steve Konkolewski.

Steve had the biggest teeth in the seventh grade.

I mean, we're talking major surfboards.

[EXHALING]

DR. EUKENUBA: Just relax, Mr. Konkolewski. Open wide.

Yes, Mr. Konkolewski.

You've been seeing me for five years.

You haven't been making very much progress.

Dr. Eukanuba is very unhappy.

Since your teeth refuse to behave,

I've designed for you something very special.

A new,

radical, experimental, prototypical,

one-of-a-kind retainer.

[ELECTRIC SURGE] [EVIL LAUGHTER]

Perfection.

Now, now... this isn't going to hurt a bit.

[DIABOLICAL CHUCKLE]

MARSHALL: As soon as Steve got that new retainer,

the strangest thing started to happen to him.

VOICE: Watch it, pal. [DOG GROWLING]

Steve shrugged it off.

Couldn't be that dog he heard. No way.

But Steve forgot. This is Eerie, Indiana.

Steve wasn't exactly a friend.

But he'd always come over my house to eat

because his mom wouldn't let him scarf snacks at home.

Probably just 'cause it looked so gross,

he had stuff stuck in his braces from last Thanksgiving.

SIMON: Here's those library books you wanted.

I got everything, except the Sorcerer's Bible.

It was checked out.

Just as I suspected.

There's the Bermuda Triangle, right?

Uh-huh.

And look, that's an aerial photograph of Eerie.

Wow!

MARSHALL: Here's the shocker.

They're the exact same shape!

SIMON: Whoa!

That proves everything!

STEVE: [SIGHS] You guys are nuts. I've lived here all my life

and nothing weird has ever happened to me, ever.

Eerie is the most boringest place on the planet.

Oh, yeah?

Then what were those strange lights in the sky Tuesday night?

Yeah. That was lightning, Marshall.

Geez.

Lightning doesn't hover and land.

We got pictures.

These are so blurry, they could be anything.

Anything. Including UFOs. Enough said.

Get real, man. VOICE: Come on, pal...

[WHISPERING] drop it, drop it. Give it to Papa.

No way, Simon. Get your own hoagie.

I don't want any of your dumb hoagie.

Then shut up about it.

I didn't say anything.

You just asked for some.

No, I didn't.

You didn't? Did you? Wasn't me.

That's so weird, man. I've been hearing these voices all day.

I could've swore somebody just asked for a bite of my hoagie.

Well, if it wasn't Simon and it wasn't me...

Who was it? [DOG BARKING]

FLUFFY: Oh please, oh please, oh please... [GRUNTS]

Give me, give me, give me. Oh, boy.

Juicy meat on stale bread, my favorite.

Come on, Blimbo. You don't need it. [BARKS]

Yes! Oh, baby, yeah baby. Oh, in my mouth, baby!

Somebody just said...

"Yeah, baby, oh, baby. In my mouth, baby!"

I'm telling you, man. Ever since I got this retainer, I've been hearing things.

MARSHALL: It's the dog. Steve can hear what he's thinking.

STEVE: Get outta here.

If it's not the dog, then who is it?

Is that possible?

I don't know. Maybe there's a way to test it.

Here, give me that. [WHISTLES]

Come on, come on. Come on...

[WHISTLES] Come on, come...

Come on, boy. Come here, boy.

STEVE: What are we doing?

We're conducting a little experiment.

What kind of experiment?

A double blind test. What's a double blind test?

Come here. Hold my mom's grocery bag over your head.

Hm. It smells good in here...

I don't get it.

How could Steve hear what the dog is thinking?

I don't hear anything. When I lived in Jersey,

a friend of a friend knew a guy who could hear a radio station in his mouth.

His fillings were like some kind of antenna.

Maybe somehow all that metal in Steve's mouth is picking up some kind of dog signals.

You guys are crazy.

All right. Tell me if you hear any voices. Anything at all.

Nothing yet. Just you geeks.

I'm getting something... Heads!

Um, heads.

STEVE: Tails! Is it a trick?

Keep concentrating.

I'm picking something up about a...

lucky dog? SIMON: Wow!

That's right!

Good boy!

I don't believe it! You better believe it.

You realize we've made contact with the animal kingdom?

This is gonna make us rich and famous!

We could get the Nobel Peace Prize.

We could end up on Unsolved Mysteries.

We've got to figure out how these work.

SIMON: Yeah. You good guy. Yeah, come here.

Hey, guys... I think he likes me.

FLUFFY: That's what you think. You bite-sized punk.

What's the matter?

Yeah, you're such a friendly guy.

FLUFFY: Looks like lunch, smells like lunch.

Are you picking something up?

I think the dog said something about... eating Simon!

[DOG BARKING]

SIMON: Get off! Get him off me. FLUFFY: Hey, a guy's gotta eat.

Don't show any fear.

Come on, boys, just a snack.

FIFI: [IN A FRENCH ACCENT] You there!

Have you forgotten your duty?

Stop wasting time with these overgrown fleas.

There's work to be done.

Au revoir.

[DOG BARKS]

What did he say?

He said we're dead meat.

MARSHALL: I knew nobody would believe us about Steve being able to hear

what dogs are thinking.

What we needed was proof,

physical evidence.

Oh, no. You don't.

C'mon, Steve. Don't be such a wuss. We're just gonna use you for an antenna.

[STEVE GASPS]

Look, it's simple. I clip this end on your retainer,

and this end to the antenna of my sister's recorder.

If you're lucky, I might be able to tune into what you're hearing.

SIMON: Can you record it? We're gonna try.

This will never work.

You believe in radio waves, don't you? You believe in TV?

So maybe dogs are just on a different frequency.

If it's the dogs I hear, then how come they're speaking English?

I don't know... Maybe they aren't speaking English.

Maybe we're speaking dog. How should I know?

[CRACKLING]

Hey, it tingles.

That's good. It is?

Yeah.

Let's go find us some dogs.

STEVE: Hey guys, my arms are getting tired.

Keep them up. We'll get better reception.

How're you coming with that foil, Simon?

[TUNING SIGNAL] Almost done. Hold it.

Hey guys, this is really lame.

It's so lame, there's just not even a lame word for it.

It's beyond lame. It's... Dogs at 12 o'clock.

[DOGS BARKING AND HOWLING]

You picking anything up yet? No, just a buzzing.

MARSHALL: Tune him around, like I showed you, Simon.

No, more buzzing.

Whoa, whoa, that's it.

I'm definitely picking up something.

Are you getting this? [AUDIO WAVES]

[DOGS TALKING] Oh, wow. It's incredible!

* Dog bones, them bones, Them bones, them, Dog bones

* It's easier to eat Them bones

* The neck bones connected To the chin bones

* The chin bones connected To the *

They're singing.

You hear it too? Let me listen, let me listen

Hang on. I got to record this. [DOGS CONTINUE SINGING]

* The toe bones connected To the heel bones The heel bones *

What's that? I hear it.

Definitely picking up something else.

Um-hm.

Simon, quick. Tune him around. See if we can get better reception.

Whoa! Hey, hold it.

[MUMBLED WHISPERING]

Freedom... Freedom... Freedom...Freedom...

What's in that direction?

The dog pound!

Of course. Chanting for freedom.

Come on.

ALL: To the Pound.

Lost the signal.

MARSHALL: [WHISPERING] This way, you guys. Come on.

SIMON: Weird.

If we can slip in?

Can't the dogs get out?

MARSHALL: Simon, this is the Eerie Pound.

Dogs check in, but they don't check out.

[DOGS WHINING]

SIMON: Just some old guy sweeping up.

MARSHALL: Must be, old man Dithers, the dog catcher.

[TUNING SIGNALS]

I'm not hearing anything.

Me either. The only thing I'm getting is whispers.

But I can't make it out.

I think my batteries are low.

Don't you think that's weird?

I mean, it's a dog pound.

There ought to be barking, or something.

Yeah. Can we get out of here? I'm hungry.

Everything seems okay here. Let's go.

[DOGS WHINING]

[DOGS BARKING]

Shut up, you mangy flea bus.

You know the rules. No barking!

Unless, of course you'd like to go for a walk...

to the chamber.

[DOG BARKING]

MARSHALL: I didn't see Steve again, until later that night.

LADY ON TV: Why? Bless thy soul. That's my purse.

My, you're a very smart dog. I don't know what I'd have done

for the rest of the month if you hadn't found that.

[CLATTERING]

SIMON: What is it?

[STRAINING]

It is Steve.

[STEVE GRUNTING]

Marshall, help. I heard them.

They're everywhere. It's horrible.

Who? What? Get a grip, man. The dogs... the dogs!

Everywhere I go, the horror... the horror...

You're the only one who can help.

The only one who knows what's going on.

Steve, you're not making any sense.

Something's going down. Something big.

Something at the dog pound.

I think the dogs are planning something horrible.

SIMON: What are we gonna do?

We're gonna get to the Pound and get this on tape.

All right! Night patrol.

STEVE: Don't you think we should call the police or something?

MARSHALL: And tell them what? You've been talking to dogs all day?

We're on our own.

It's up to us to find out what's going on.

SIMON: It's our duty.

MARSHALL: Wait, let me check your wires.

STEVE: I wanna go home.

MARSHALL: How am I supposed to hear anything with you whining?

The door is propped open with something. It's a bone!

Eww, it's got dog spit all over it.

Oh, man. You don't suppose it's...

ALL: Mr. Dithers?

[DOGS WHINING]

[DOGS BARKING]

SIMON: What's that?

MARSHALL: I think that's where they put the dogs to sleep.

STEVE: That's it. I'm gone.

SIMON: Got the lights.

Humans! What do they want?

Dibs on the fat guy. [BARKS]

Bite them. Did you hear that?

Bite who? Bite the hand.

What hand? Bite the hand that feeds us.

I don't like the sound of it.

Bite the hand that feeds us.

[DOGS CHANTING] Bite the hand that feeds us. Bite the hand that feeds us.

Bite the hand that feeds us.

Bite the hand that feeds us.

What're they saying?

You don't want to know.

Bite the hand that feeds us.

I'm getting a really bad feeling. We better get out of here.

Where do you think you're going, human scum?

Don't even think about it.

So we meet again, Metalmouth.

What do you want? FIFI: What do we want?

What do we want?

Brothers and sisters, tell puny bipeds what we want!

No more leashes.

Let them sleep outside. See how they like it.

Down with kibble. Ban obedience school!

No more stupid pet tricks. No more de-worming!

ALL DOGS: And no more Neutering!

[DOGS HOWLING AND BARKING]

[DOGS CHANTING] Slash the chamber, slash the chamber...

Slash the chamber, slash the chamber...

[CHAMBER EXPLODES]

[DOGS BARKING]

We're tired of being treated like dogs.

The time for the revolution is nearly here.

As soon as we solve the mystery of the doorknob,

Eerie is ours!

As for you three, if you do exactly as you're told,

we may let you go.

Anything. You name it.

Open the cages! STEVE: But...

We have to. SIMON: We have to what?

[BARKS] Open that cage, Simon.

You open these cages, and I'll get to these.

[DOGS CHANTING] Door knob, door knob, door knob, door knob...

These humans know too much.

What do they know? Where did they know it?

Freckles is mine.

Today, Eerie. Tomorrow, Indianapolis.

Now what do they want?

Yeah, what do we want?

Ask Fifi. She always knows what we want.

We want the metal from his mouth.

They want my retainer.

Well, what are you waiting for? Give it to them.

My mom will kill me if I lose my retainer.

Forget your mom. We're about to get eaten here.

Give them the stupid retainer!

[DOGS CHANTING] Metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth...

It's stuck. Now what do I do?

[DOGS CHANTING] Metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth...

[STEVE GRUNTING] SIMON: Come on, hurry up.

[DOGS CHANTING] Metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth, metalmouth...

Hang on, Steve. Don't panic.

Steve don't do it!

Get metalmouth! [ALL SCREAM]

MARSHALL: That was the last we saw of Steve.

[DOGS BARKING]

There. That wasn't so bad now, was it?

Well, he lived to tell the tale?

Let mom see your teeth!

Oh, you'd hardly know.

Listen, Marshall.

Your mother and I know it's tough being a new kid in a strange town.

We also know you're a great kid.

If you give it sometime, you're going to find growing up in Eerie isn't so scary.

MARSHALL: I couldn't hide forever.

Eventually, I had to go back out into Eerie.

But I had no idea who or what was waiting for me.

It just hope it walks on two legs.

Oh, hey Marsh. Did you get your retainer?

Well, can I see it?

[SYNDI CHUCKLES] Just don't call me Metal Mouth.

It's cute.

Hey, who's your friend?

Hey, boy! How are you?

Oh, what a good boy you are...

What's your name?

Fluffy, huh? That's a good name.

That's a good name... Yeah.

See you, Metalmouth.

MARSHALL: Maybe it was all a dream.

Maybe Fluffy really was man's best friend, after all.

Then again, maybe not.

Listen, you Fluffy, or whatever your name is...

I gotta finish my paper route.

I gotta...

Look, see? It's just a regular one.

I can't hear a thing. Honest.

MARSHALL: Suddenly, there it was. Steve's wrecked retainer.

Boy, was his mom gonna be mad?

I bet Steve doesn't think Eerie is boring any more.

[BELCHES]

You think we'll ever see Steve again?

Maybe we will, Simon.

Maybe we will.

MARSHALL: So we added Steve's retainer to our Eerie, Museum of Weird.

Someday, the world will be ready for the truth.

But until that day, Simon and I are on our own.

[DOG BARKS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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