Original subtitles

[soft footsteps]

Six thousand steps to go?

[running footsteps]

[breathes heavily]

Oh, come on!

That was more than nine steps.

Baldric: Huzzah!

Ha-ha.

Oh, look at what I found, Sir Dwight.

[laughs]

'Tis my old hunting frock.

Oh.

Many a dragon came undone

at the mere sight of this beauty.

- Nice.

Baldric: We are finally unpacking the wardrobe crates

we brought over from the castle.

It's as if my world has been reopened to me.

Huh, oh!

[laughs]

Oh, can you believe I ever wore this old thing?

[chuckling]

♪

Uh...how garish.

Gretta: I fear I have outgrown this.

Dwight: Wow.

Kid-sized armor.

Gretta: What good would this do me now

if I were I to run into a goblin or an ogre or a troll.

Dwight: Well, maybe it won't be a goblin or an ogre or a troll.

Maybe it'll be something nice.

Like a...

Cute kid with lemonade.

- [short chuckle]

- Hey, Mr. Baldric.

- We'll take the whole load.

And the wagon.

Lulu: Thanks for supporting Lulu's Lemonade.

- [grunts]

- Take this, little Lulu...

may it preserve your young life in battle.

[sighs]

Baldric: Ah.

Gretta: Ooh!

Lulu: You want Strawberry Lemonade next week?

- Uh, pink, if you please.

- Or cherry!

Baldric: Sir Dwight, make yourself of use

and unpack that crate while I don my Royal Court Robe.

Dwight: Yeah, sure thing.

Baldric: Ha-ha.

- Baldric, another one of your completely different outfits.

- 'Tis my burial shift.

When the day comes, Sir Dwight, see to it I am buried in this.

[intensely] Promise me.

- 'Kay.

- Good lad.

[jingling]

- [chuckles]

Huh, somebody's not afraid to make a bold statement.

These.

Guys?

Huh?

[bells jingling]

Ah!

[frightened grunting]

Guys, seriously.

- Does this one make me look overfed?

Dwight: [grunting continues]

Guys!!!

Ahhhh!

Ahh, guys!

- Sir Dwight has just stolen our jester pants.

- [frightened yelling]

- Shall we pursue him, Highness?

- [manic laughing]

- Something's amiss.

- Well, I can't possibly give chase

in my Royal Court Robe.

I will change!

♪

Dwight: Okay, so about a thousand years ago

there was this princess, Gretta, and she was in big trouble

'cause she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric, cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come, break the spell with his kiss,

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ahhh!

[kiss]

...they got me.

♪

Ah!

♪

Ow!

♪

♪

[screaming]

Fence! Fence!

[screaming]

[panting]

Car!

Road! Road!

[short, high-pitched screams]

[car honks]

Cross at the crosswalk, you maniac!

[grunting]

Ahh.

Hello?!

Are you even listening to me?!

[panting]

Gretta: Sir Dwight?

- Help!

- With what?

Dwight: These pants!

They have a mind of their own!

- How so?

Dwight: They want to go that way!

Wait, that way.

No, over there!

That way!

No, over there.

[stomach grumbles]

T-Turkey bacon's backing up--

- Sir Dwight is unwell.

Dwight: I was perfectly well until these pants jumped on me.

Gretta: The pants leapt upon you?

Dwight: Well see, when you say it like that,

it sounds crazy.

[groaning and grunting]

- Oh dear.

- Oh dear, indeed.

Dwight: What?

What's 'oh dear'?

- Clearly you have been seized upon

by demonic pant legs.

Baldric: Mm.

The devil is in the pants.

- What is it with you two?

It doesn't always have to be a demon or a devil.

Maybe there's a simple explanation.

- Such as...?

Dwight: Such as...

the pants have been cooped up in a crate

and need some fresh air?

Baldric: Why would pants need fresh air?

- Why would pants be possessed?

- That is exactly what we need to find out.

- [grunting]

Baldric!

[thud] Dwight: [shriek]

All: [grunting]

Dwight: Do we have a plan B?

Baldric: On the count of six,

Highness, you leap out of the way

and Sir Dwight will unhand the pole.

- Why six?

- Ready.

- Six!

Dwight: Ah!

[thud]

Baldric: Haha!

Victory!

- [groaning] Not for me.

Gretta: Ah!

We must rid you of these pants.

Dwight: Hey, w-wait, hold up...

- Urgh!

They. Don't. Want. To. Come. Off!

Dwight: Just in case they do, you should know,

the poop emoji boxers, they were a gift from Nana.

[magical sparkling sound]

[yelp]

Whoa, what the...

- You're free!

Baldric: [yells]

[frightened groaning]

[yelps]

- [frustrated grunt]

- [panting]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

- That's a wrinkle.

- Make haste!

[upbeat music]

Dwight: Is it possible just to keep

the poop emoji thing just between us?

♪

Baldric: [yelling] Disperse, peasants!

Move away!

Stand aside!

Scatter!

Run for your lives!

Ahhh!

[crash]

I am too aged for this.

[pie splatters]

- Gah!

Dwight: I am so sorry.

So, so, so, so, so sorry.

- Sir Dwight, help me!

- [panting]

Gretta: Ha!

You're trapped, Devil Pants!

- Probably not Devil Pants.

- Yield, Demon Leg-wear!

- Or Demon Leg-wear.

- Well, then what are they and what do they want?

[magical sparkling sound]

Gretta: [grunting]

Aw, floof.

[screaming]

Baldric: [grunting] Sir Dwight.

- Now give it a nice swing and hum your favorite tune--

- [begins humming]

[cellphone rings]

- Oh! I beg your pardon.

Oh, continue.

Hum, hum, hum.

And keep that fish swinging.

Baldie boo, darling...

- We're on our way with a nine hundred and eleven!

Hexela: [on phone] Oh!

Baldric: Hello?

- Sorry, dropped my fish.

What were you saying?

O-Oh, keep humming.

Don't mind me.

And swinging.

Swing, swing, swing.

[chuckles]

Baldric... hello?

- [soft humming]

- Better.

- [panting]

Gretta: [distraught grunting]

[shriek]

- No!

[thump]

[magical sparkling sound]

Oh, man.

- Well, well.

- [frightened grunting]

- No.

- [continues grunting]

- Most disturbing.

Baldric: You fear the worst?

- Always.

- Why?

Why always fear the worst?

- Tell me all.

- [frantic yelping]

- We were unpacking our crates of clothes...

- [gasp] Ooh!

Did you find your hunting frock?

- I did.

- It always makes you look so gallant.

Baldric: Well, maybe I shall wear it again for you next time.

Baldric/Hexela: [flirtatious chuckling]

[slap] - Ah!

Baldric: [clears throat] We were, as I said, unpacking

and Sir Dwight donned the jester pants.

- Yeah, that's one way of saying they freaking jumped on me.

- And then on me.

- And then on me.

Dwight: And now back to me.

- Curious.

Oh, hexcellent.

Keep up the good work, you're doing beautifully.

Baldric: Come.

On the count of eight, we shall pounce on Sir Dwight.

- On eight?

Why not NOW?!

[yelps]

- A futile effort, I fear.

Dwight: [yelping]

Guys?

- Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm!

Behold.

Dwight: What?

What?

I can't see.

- Ludicriso.

- I thought he was just a bedtime story.

- What?

What bedtime story?

- Designed to frighten children.

- Why would you want to frighten children at bedtime?

- This story, I fear, may be based in fact.

Baldric: You mean to say that Ludicriso is... real?

- That's not a door!

That's not a door!

[thump]

Who's Ludicriso?

Gretta: A maniacal court jester who lures children to his castle

and makes them into pudding.

- That is the one.

[timer beeps]

Oh, has it been six minutes?

Oh.

Woman: [humming]

- Let's not overdo it.

The fish likes a nice swing and a hum--

- That's a dead fish.

- But too much is... just a little too much.

[chuckles]

Dwight: [frightened grunting]

Oh, come on, man!

Ahh!

[bang]

Ow!

Gretta: Until we find a remedy,

we must keep Sir Dwight and the pants

contained in this room.

- Agreed.

- Oh, don't mind me.

I'll just be sittin' here banging my head against the...

Ooh!

Nana: Hey, kids!

- Ahhhhh!

- Wow, Dwight.

Those are some fancy pants.

- They're Ludicriso's pants.

- A demonic jester.

- And a fabulous pudding maker.

- This is not how I saw this day going!

[thump]

Oh!

Ah, ah.

[watch alert]

Oh, just got my 10,000 steps.

[thud]

- You okay, honey?

- [groans]

Nana: You okay, pants?

I want you to know

I don't believe everything I hear about people--

Ah!

[thump]

- [panting]

That was not me.

You know that, right?

[magical sparkling sound]

- Oh dear.

[motorcycle revving sound]

Ahhh!

♪

- We're never going to catch her.

- She'll be pudding by sundown.

- Come on guys, that way.

Alder Street.

I'll call a car.

- [yelping]

Okay, Fancy Pants, it's just you and me now.

[car tires screech]

Oh!

Dwight: Gotcha.

[door slams]

- [giggling]

- [grunting]

Whatever, pants.

You're not goin' anywhere.

Seat belts, everybody.

Buckle up.

All right, safety first.

- Get the pants.

- Ah!

- Your sadistic master will make no pudding today!

- Whoa!

[thwap]

Good gravy, I'm sorry!

[magical sparkling noise]

Where'd they go?

- Ugh, not again.

All: [yelling and grunting]

- Get those pants.

- Uncle, uncle!

- Ancient infirmed one!

Nana: [shrieks]

- No!

[grunting]

[car door rolls open]

No, no!

[grunting]

- That way, turn left!

- She's crossing to the park-- go around!

Baldric: Go, go, go, go!

[pants jingling]

Dwight: They're heading for the woods.

Nana: Those are some pants in a serious hustle.

- Ludicriso, for certain!

- Not for certain at all.

Baldric: He'll be dining on Princess Pudding

within the hour.

- [both] Eww.

Baldric: We cannot let the princess reach the woods.

Coachman, halt!

[car tires screech]

Dwight: [grunting]

Baldric: I will flank her from the west.

Lady Nana, from the north!

- On it!

Baldric: Sir Dwight, take the south.

Dwight: South, south, south...

Okay, got it!

Great ride.

Five stars.

[car door slams]

- Ah!

Gretta: [panting]

Pardon!

Dwight: Stop right there!

- Sir Dwight!

- Ha-ha!

[pants jingling]

- Hold it right there.

[pants jingling]

- [sighs]

Dwight: Easy now, Fancy Pants.

We're not gonna hurt you.

Baldric: Oh, I intend to hurt you.

Ah!

- Sorry!

[heavy breathing]

- [coaxing] Good pants, good pants.

- No... no, no, no, no, no!

- Ahhh!

- [grunting]

Huh?

This is getting really old!

[upbeat music]

♪

On your right!

Ahhhh, ahh.

- Remember when we had that kind of energy?

- Love the pants!

- Thank you!

Ahhhhhh, ahhhh!

♪

[frantic laughter]

- Sir Dwight, no!

- [panting]

I don't think we've been formally introduced.

My name is Dwight and I don't deserve this.

I've been Citizen of the Month three times this year already.

Do you know how hard that is?

Ooh!

Gretta: Sir Dwight?!

Nana: Honey bear?

Baldric: Sir Dwight?

Honeybear?

- [frightened groaning]

Spiderwebs!

[screams]

♪

[manic, high-pitched yelp]

- The cry of a frightened damsel.

[manic, high-pitched yelp]

- Nope, that's my boy.

[yelp]

- This way!

- That was a boy?

♪

Dwight: ...and I volunteer at the Woodside Senior Center

every Friday.

And who's gonna organize the Recycling Fair this September

if I'm a pudding?

Huh?

Ah-ha, we've hit a dead end!

Huh?

Are you kidding me?!

[screams]

[grunting]

Listen, I love your tenacity.

You're a real go-getter.

A real asset to your crazy jester boss.

I'd like to offer you a job

outside of the kid pudding industry.

I could really use your kind of can-do attitude...

[leafy footsteps]

- How on earth did Ludicriso's pants

come among our belongings?

- No doubt placed there by our enemies.

- I've lost his trail.

- [choking back tears] That it should end like this

for Sir Dwight.

- [also tearing up] Made into a pudding.

Nana: He's not a pudding yet.

There!

[snoring]

[pants jingling]

[crash]

- [frightened grunting]

You should know...

I-I have athlete's foot,

a-and intestinal parasites and rabies!

Nobody wants any of that in their pudding!

Ow!

Ow!

How is this not hurting you?

[soft footsteps]

- [sniffs] Do you smell pudding?

- Steel yourself, princess.

We may be too late.

Dwight: [shrill scream in the distance]

- Dwight!

Baldric: Follow that high, dainty scream!

- [continues grunting]

[ominous sound]

[frantic panting]

There's a psycho jester in there, huh?

Ah!

Noooo.

[bang]

[doors creak open]

[panting]

[silence]

Oh.

Gretta/Baldric/Nana: Noooooo!

[silence]

Oh.

[magical sparkling sound]

- Look at that.

A fancy shirt.

Gretta: Not a maniacal jester cannibal?

- Aw, they're so cute.

They just wanted to be together.

- Isn't that darling?

Look at them all cuddled up.

Baldric: Perhaps Ludicriso is just a bedtime story,

after all?

Gretta: I was so certain

those pants had a sinister motive.

- Well, see?

Everything in the world is not evil

and trying to kill you.

Sometimes, there is an adorable explanation

with a happy ending.

- Now there are two of them and they are eyeing us.

Back. Away. Slowly.

- Forget it.

[ding]

Oh, 32,000 steps.

- Good for you, sugar pie.

- Yeah, I think I'm good for awhile.

Baldric: On seven, we scatter.

Seven!

[both screaming]

♪

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