Original subtitles

♪

- Whoa,

what is going on here?

Spring cleaning?

- It is not in the strong box.

Dwight: It's actually a microwave.

Works a lot better if you plug it in.

- Sir Dwight, you've arrived just in time.

Baldric has misplaced his beckoning instrument.

- His beckoning...?

- The...

- Oh!

You mean his cell phone.

[footsteps]

- The goat yielded nothing.

- Did you try calling it?

- The goat?

- The phone.

- BECKONING INSTRUMENT!

[birds chirping]

- BECKONING INSTRUMENT!

BECKONING INSTRUMENT!

Mm.

I am undone.

- I'm on it.

[phone beeps]

Dwight on phone: Say your name.

Baldric on phone: You know my name.

Dwight on phone: It's for when people call you.

Baldric on phone: If they call to me,

we can assume they know my name.

Dwight on phone: You've reached Baldric's phone,

leave-- [beep]

- It must be dead.

Baldric: Oh.

Dead.

No.

- We'll just charge it up

and then it won't be dead anymore.

It'll be...

Baldric: Undead?

- Kinda...

- Perhaps I should look inside the chamber pot again.

- Ew.

- Oh dear.

- It's not in the rock holder.

- Hey, Dwight!

Did you know that Emily's back in town?

- Emily?

- Who's Emily?

Dwight: Uh.

- The little dolly, Dwight's had a crush on

for years.

It's the sweetest thing.

- I wouldn't say crush.

Nana: He used to follow her all around.

Dwight: We were walking in the same direction.

Nana: He wrote her the most darling little poems.

- Poems?

- Wanna hear my favorite?

Baldric: Oh, oh.

Gretta: Do tell.

Baldric: Yes, yes indeed, yes.

Nana: Emily, Emily, why do you not notice me?

I may not be tall, rich or full of might--

Baldric: No, he is not.

Nana: But I am still yours, forever Dwight.

- You know that by heart, huh?

Baldric: Nicely rhymed, Sir Dwight.

- Emily's grandma lives next door

so she only comes to visit a few times a year.

Baldric: Oh.

Well then, you must call upon the lady, Sir Dwight.

- I mean, [stammering] I could.

- Well, of course you must.

Nana: Just relax, be yourself.

Dwight gets so nervous around Emily.

Dwight: No, I don't!

Gretta: Does he?

- Oh, this one time.

Oh! This is the cutest story.

Baldric: Oh!

[laughing]

Nana: Okay, so once upon a time there was this...

[magical sounds overlap]

Dwight: Uh, our grandmothers thought we should meet,

and I saw you over here so, HI, I'm Emily.

I mean, you're Emily.

You knew that.

[awkward laugh]

BYE!

[all but Dwight laughing]

- Oh, oh, oh, and my all -time--

- You know, thanks for stopping by, Nana.

We are right in the middle of stuff.

Nana: I think she's at her grandma's house now.

Are you going to go over?

Dwight: You know, I'm kinda tied up here.

Kisses!

[door slams]

[exhales]

Gretta: Sir Dwight, what's a crush?

[Dwight laughs]

- Who knows?

[forced quiet laughter]

Let's find that beckoning device, huh?

The thing that beckons...

The first 24 hours of a search are the most important,

so let's stay focused.

[ominous music]

[triumphant laugh]

Baldric: Ah, of course.

Ah, how could I have forgotten?

Gretta: We have but to charge it back to life

and all will be right again.

Baldric: Mm.

You may now pay a visit to your lady love.

- Not my lady love.

- Oh!

Might I suggest the scent of hawk's blood,

with just a splash of stallion sweat?

[pop]

- I'm good.

Baldric: Whoof.

Ah, it will boost your confidence.

Dwight: I don't need a confidence boost.

Baldric: Mm.

Gretta: You look nervous, Sir Dwight.

Dwight: Well, you know, I'm not.

I feel fine.

I'm just going to go over there and say hi,

and see what happens,

but I got a good feeling, like today is,

is my day.

[crash]

[shattering glass]

Dwight: I'm good, just shake it off.

[intense music]

[door shuts]

[theme music]

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta,

and she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ah!

[kissing noise]

they got me.

Ah!

♪

Ow!

♪

♪

- Emily!

Hey!

Hey, Emily.

Hi.

Hi!

Emily.

[clears throat]

[deep voice] Hey, Em.

Would you like--

Ah!

So, I know you're vegan,

and there's this new vegan restaurant where--

[grunt]

[ominous music]

[fwing!]

Earl: Dude!

Stop pushing buttons!

Frank: I didn't touch anything here, man.

[fwing!]

Earl: We have to unplug it.

[fwing!]

- a great lunch menu and I was just wondering if--

[thwap]

we GA- HA- HA!

OKAY, VERY FUNNY,

HA, HA, HA, HA,

YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK SOMEONE'S TEETH OUT.

Emily: Heeey, Dwight.

- Emily!

He-hey.

Hi.

Wow, you're, you're back, that's

[forced wheezing laugh]

What a surprise.

- Really?

Your Nana just called

and said that you were on your way over.

- She did.

Awesome.

[weak laugh]

Gretta: How goes it?

- [more weak laughter]

[thwap]

Ah!

[thud]

- Not at all well.

Dwight: Ah.

- Are you okay?

- Let me see.

Dwight: Yep, yep,

yeah, yeah, totally.

[indistinct talking]

Dwight: You got any more rakes I should know about?

[thwap]

Ah!

[pained laughter]

That is a yes.

- I am so sorry.

I honestly had no idea grandma even owned a rake.

I mean, rakes.

[chuckles]

- So, how have you been?

[dog panting]

[liquid sound]

Hey!

[dog barks]

I know your owners, Tank!

They taught you better than this!

[wheezing laughter]

So, I, um, --

[fly buzzing] uh,

[indistinct talking]

[buzzing]

- Strange.

It's almost as if Sir Dwight were--

Dwight: meaning to check out

this [buzzing] new vegan restaurant.

[explosive coughing]

Baldric and Gretta: Cursed!

[coughing]

- Are you okay?

- [croaks] All good.

[whispers] See you later.

- Is that the new place on Center Street?

[coughing]

- We should totally go.

Maybe grab an early dinner?

- Hey!

Were you guys spying on me?

- Sir Dwight, 'twas fortunate for you we were.

- How is that fortunate?

- You are cursed, Sir Dwight.

- With bad luck.

- 'Kay, first of all, no such thing as curses.

Second of all, there is no such thing as luck.

[plopping]

- Oh.

- There.

How do you explain that?

- Everybody poops.

- Well, I do know a spell--

Dwight: It is a part of life.

It's got nothing to do with luck.

[bird calls]

[plopping]

[bird calls]

- So, let's say I was cursed with bad luck.

Baldric and Gretta: M-hm.

[Tank barking]

Dwight: What'd you reload already?

[thwap]

Ah!

[thwap]

Ah!

[thud]

Oh!

Baldric: We must act quickly.

- I will protect Sir Dwight,

you find a way to undo the curse.

- [sighs] Curses are not my specialty.

Have no fear, I know someone.

[knocking]

[enticing music]

Hexela: Baldric.

[door slams]

- Hexela.

[laughing romantically together]

We have no time for foolishness.

- [sighs]

Magicians.

♪

♪ on the floor your mother made. ♪

♪

Emily: But it's weird though, right?

It's as if the rain cloud was only over your head.

- [laughs] Right?

[fwoomp]

[high-pitched gasping]

[water sloshing]

Emily: See anything?

[splash]

- No fire, if that's what you mean.

Uh.

How about the tofutti burger?

- That's what I was gonna get!

[thump]

[grunt]

- [squawks] No!

[grunt]

- Not... the tofutti burger?

- No, no, I was just,

was just preparing,

if the waiter asks me if I want fries.

[squawks] No!

Heck [squawks] no!

Not in this lifetime!

Keep your sodium and trans fats, kind sir.

[laughing]

Baldric: The griffin hex renders the accursed speechless,

not that one.

Oh, ah.

The mermaid curse

causes the victim to break out in scales.

Hexela: Ooo.

Mm.

Boop.

[Baldric chuckles]

[Hexela laughs softly]

Baldric: [clears throat]

Hexela: [sighs resignedly]

Baldric: Hm.

Oh, it's not the troll jinx, since he hasn't grown horns.

Yet.

[soft laughing]

Baldric: Hexela!

Hexela: I just love

how your brow furrows when you're flustered.

Baldric: Mm.

I assure you, I

[clears throat]

[Hexela softly blows air]

Baldric: [giggles]

Madame!

Hexela: [sighs in frustration]

Fine.

[thud]

Hexela: Describe the curse that has befallen Sir Dwight.

- It is a bad case of ill-fortune.

The worst I have ever seen.

He was befouled by a bird at 30 paces.

I saw it with my own eyes.

- [disgusted noise]

Hm.

Look Baldric.

I think I found your curse.

- The Curse of the Kobolwald.

Hexela: We must hurry.

- I have never met anyone else

who has a solar hair dryer.

- Well, you know, think globally, act locally.

[dishes clattering]

Emily: Oh!

[dismayed sounds from customers]

Dwight: Hi.

- Good e'en fair youths.

Dwight: Uh.

- Might I sing you a spritely ballad?

Dwight: No. Emily: Sure.

Dwight: Thanks.

Gretta: ♪ There once was a wild boar, ♪

♪ such beauty never seen before, ♪

♪ Hey-oo, hey-oo, hey-oo-oo. ♪

♪ His hair would flow when he would run, ♪

♪ his gracefulness equalled by none. ♪

♪ Hey-oo-hey-oom. ♪

♪ The prince saw the lovely beast and proclaimed, ♪

♪ we must have a feast! ♪

♪ Hey-oo-hey-oo, hey -oo. ♪

Dwight: I'm not sure where this is going.

Gretta: ♪ And they all ate him up, yum, yum, yum. ♪

♪ And the boar was no more, no more. ♪

♪ And they all ate him up, yum, yum, yum, ♪

♪ and the boar was no more, no more! ♪

Dwight: 'Kay, got it.

The pig's gone.

We got it.

[weak laughter]

Emily: Thank you.

[weak applause]

Emily: That was...

Dwight: An ironic choice for a vegan restaurant.

Ah!

- Oh, uh.

- Mm, da, huh, leg cramp, all good.

I'm just going to go over there and,

and stretch this out real quick.

[weak laughter]

Ah!

Mm!

Oh man, that [indistinct]

What the heck is a kobolwald?

Gretta: A spirit.

Baldric: More like a sprite.

Gretta: It's the protector of the home and hearth,

sometimes it helps out with the chores.

- It keeps demons and pestilence at bay.

- But only if treated with respect.

Baldric: Could you actually have been so foolish

as to disrespect a kobolwald?

- No, I've never disrespected a kobolwump

in my life.

I don't even know what that is.

- It sits on the mantel.

- The little statue guy?

No, I barely moved him.

- [gasps] No.

- You moved it?!

Well, naturally you're cursed, what did you expect, Sir Dwight?

- Oh,

because everybody knows you never move a kobolwald.

- Unless you follow proper protocol.

- Oh.

- You have until sunset to make amends

or forever walk the earth accursed.

- What!

Well, how do I make amends?

Emily: It's like the trashcan had a vendetta against you.

Dwight: Yeah, weird.

Emily: [exhales] How fun!

I love the idea of his and hers facials.

- There you are!

No time to waste, in your seats.

[whistles]

Dwight: Let's get to relaxing.

[Emily laughs]

- Ahhh.

[hums pleasantly]

Much better, huh sweetie?

Emily: M-hm.

Hexela: Yeah.

Okay, just soak it up and let the ox dung do its magic.

Emily: Ooo, chimes.

Hexela: [loudly] All clear!

The sun is almost set.

We must conjure the gift.

Dwight: Gift?

Baldric: Yes, an appeasement gift.

To the kobolwald.

Hexela: [clears throat]

First, you must jump through hoops.

Baldric: Mm.

Dwight: Oh!

Like, literally jump through.

[murmurs of assent]

Dwight: Okay.

Yeah, I can do that.

[exhales]

Hexela: Oh!

Backwards.

While apologizing.

And acting like your favorite animal.

- Seriously?

- Quickly!

The sun!

Baldric: Yes.

- Oh.

Hm.

All: [expressing dismay]

- Porcupine?

- Jump, not what you were doing.

- Porcupines don't jump.

Uh.

Baldric: The apology!

Dwight: Mr. Kobolwalsh.

All: Kobolwald.

Dwight: I'm truly sorry--

- As the porcupine, you featherhead.

- As the porcupine?

All: The sun!

- Uh.

[strange high-pitched grunting]

Mr. Kobolwald, I am--

[strange high-pitched grunting]

truly sorry.

- Dwight?

Baldric: Wha!

- Oh, I'll have to try that next.

Relaxing?

Dwight: Mm.

- Dream powder,

it will do her practically no harm.

- Practically?

Gretta: Hurry!

Dwight: Mm.

[strange high-pitched grunt]

Mr. Kobolwald,

I'm truly sorry that

[grunt]

that I moved you from your comfy spot

[grunt]

[whooshing and bubbling]

Baldric: It's working!

It's working!

- Now the sonnet.

- Sonnet?

- You must devise a sonnet

in the kobolwald's honor.

- This guy's taking himself a little ser--

All: The sonnet!

- As the porcupine?

- Well, of course not.

That would be ridiculous.

All: [laughing and ridiculing]

Baldric: What a silly boy.

Hexela: Goodness.

- [clears throat]

Oh, brave and handsome little kobolwald.

Baldric: They are a bit self-conscious

about their stature.

[manly grunts]

- Oh, oh.

Uh, uh.

Huge and tall and ginormous Mr. Kobolwald.

I give in thee honor, your sonnet, in your honor.

[deep mystical noises]

Gretta: It's working.

Finish it.

- And even though I have no idea what else to say,

I do know you are the king of everything gargantu-ing.

[more mystical noises]

[gasping]

Baldric: Oh.

- A hat?

- A gift has been conjured.

Make haste!

Dwight: Uh!

Baldric: We have only moments.

Dwight: Ah!

He doesn't bite or anything?

Gretta: Quickly!

- Mr. Kobolwald, again, my sincerest apologies

for uprooting you from your spot.

Please accept this gift as reparations.

Sorry.

So sorry.

Baldric: Easy.

Gretta: Be careful.

- Sorry!

I got you.

- Something's still not right.

- But I did everything.

Is it just me?

Or does the kobolwald look even taller than normal today?

[chuckle]

- Oh! Absolutely.

Baldric: Without doubt.

- What lofty stature!

- Very imposing are you, quite.

All: [laughing in relief]

Baldric: You have done it.

Well done, Sir Dwight.

Ha, ha!

Congratulations!

You are no longer accursed.

Dwight: [laughing in pain]

Thanks guys.

For everything.

- It was the least I could do for my champion.

- Emily!

Oh!

[door slams]

- Oh, Hexela, Hexela,

who's the fairest of them all?

[throaty laugh]

No, too overdone.

[high-pitched cackle]

That's too on the nose.

[Throaty but dignified laugh]

Original, I like it.

[running footsteps]

- Dwight?

Wasn't that just so relaxing?

- Yeah.

I, I can't even.

Emily: I'm glad we finally got to hang out.

I don't know why it never worked out before.

Dwight: Yeah.

Emily: I had a great time.

- Me too.

- I should be back at Christmas.

- I run a pretty mean toy drive.

- I'll be there.

[steps]

Baldric: Something amiss, Highness?

Gretta: No.

Nothing Baldric,

just keeping an eye out for invaders.

You can never be too vigilant.

Baldric: Stay vigilant indeed.

♪

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