Original subtitles

- People have this image of scientists as antisocial,

rigid, and a bit autistic. - But I am.

- [Chuckles nervously] Y-you're autistic.

- Mm-hmm. - Of course.

- I'm pretty sure Declan is too.

- I'm engaged.

- To who? - Ranesh.

- The TikTok advertising man with the concave arse?

RANESH: It's just a rustic peasant dish

that I picked up during my summer in Firenze.

- Mum and Dad are not gonna be happy about this.

- Darling. ADE: We're so happy about this.

- What'd I miss?

- Evie's gonna bankrupt Mum and Dad.

- What else is new?

- There's a new coffee sheriff in town.

[Chuckles]

I like to give people a chance. [Chuckles]

- Nina, will you be my maid of honor?

[Upbeat rock music]

- Yeah. Yeah.

♪ ♪

So it's funny because the title is a pun.

So it's not a M-A-I-D of Honor.

It's M-A-D-E of Honor because Patrick Dempsey

is made to be the maid of honor.

- Oh, Patrick Dempsey.

- Get a bucket and a mop.

[Both groan]

RANESH: Those baby blues.

Am I right? [Chuckles]

[slurping]

- Anyway, the reason I bring it up

is because last night, I had an epiphany.

Yes, when you asked me to be your maid of honor,

I was shook, but then I thought,

if Patrick Dempsey, you can do a good job

for the first half of the 2008 rom-com Made of Honor

before he ruins the wedding, then so can I.

AMBER: OMG. There she is!

Whoo! [Laughter]

- You invited her? - Yes.

- It's Mad Amber.

- Oh, it's just Amber now.

- Because mental health is no joke.

NINA: This is the girl who made a shrine to you

in your first year of uni, Evie.

EVIE: It was a friendship collage,

and she's not like that anymore.

[Squeals] AMBER: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. [Laughs]

Babe, you look un-fucking-real.

- Amber, you're literally

the hottest thing in Glasgow right now.

- Stop.

- You both look exactly how you always look

every time you see each other.

- Ranesh, you're smaller in real life.

[Laughs] Hi, Nina.

Congrats on being Evie's MOH.

- Oh, I'm not Evie's ma. I'm her sister.

- No, not ma, MOH.

- MOH.

- M-O-H, maid of honor.

You'll get with the lingo eventually.

It's OK you didn't ask me to be MOH, Evie.

After eight tries as MOH, I'm actually so relieved to...

Just be a bridesmaid this time.

[Laughs]

So are we set on a plan yet?

- Plan?

- Ranesh's dad, Sachin, is coming to town this weekend.

- And I, for one, can't wait for him

to break bread with my sweet lady

and meet the family.

[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]

- And we'll share the happy news.

- Wait, you've not told him that you're getting married?

It's been a week.

- You can't just drop a bomb like that, Nina,

especially not to someone like Sachin.

- Basically, Neens, Dad isn't super easy to talk to

and down-to-Earth like me.

I mean, I totally get his vibe, but other people,

well, they find him a little bit intimidating at first,

which is totally funny to me

because I don't find him scary at all.

- You do a bit. - A little bit, yeah.

- Sachin is a very well-respected art critic.

He can kill a show at Art Basel with a single look.

- Dad actually exposed the Wynona Gallery

for displaying a fake Kandinsky.

- We need to impress him.

- Yeah, we need to razzle-dazzle him.

- Oh, we don't razzle nor dazzle; we're Scottish.

Let's just take him to Mum and Dad's and feed him lasagna.

- Or drinks at Scribble. [Laughs]

- Oh, my actual God, yes.

It's the place Amber works. It's perfect.

AMBER: It's the most chic bar in Glasgow, Ranesh.

Papa will be delighted.

I've recently been promoted to deputy manager.

- Huh! Glass ceiling who?

- Amber, that's such amazing news.

- It's a huge responsibility.

- Of course. Of course.

So we all just have to put forward

the best version of ourself.

Then once he likes us, we will tell him we're engaged.

So no in-jokes, no swearing, and no personal stories,

especially those that involve my heavy drinking.

- So to impress this man,

we're all just gonna pretend to be people we're not?

- Yeah. AMBER: Mm-hmm.

I do it all the time. - And we're gonna just keep

doing that forever and ever... At the wedding,

every time we see him, Christmas, Easter,

all the major holidays... Until he dies,

like we're a big fake Kandinsky?

- Exactly. RANESH: You got it.

- What about "You do you"?

[Upbeat music]

[cork pops]

EVIE: Oh, it is so good to have coffee

with all my favorite people

before starting the daily grind.

- Evie, your eyeballs are all trembly.

You look like an anxious Chihuahua.

Is everything all right?

- I know Ranesh seems like this gorgeous

devil-may-care hunk,

but he's always been really desperate

for his dad's approval.

He even does this fake low voice

when they talk to each other on the phone.

So if Sachin doesn't approve of the engagement,

I'm really worried that he's gonna call off

the whole wedding.

I didn't tell you this before

because I knew you'd get all judgy.

But Ranesh has a...

History of...

Impulsive romantic decisions.

- No.

- He was catfished by a woman called Sandra, OK?

But the police said the case was so elaborate

that it could have happened to literally anyone.

So I'm really worried that he's not gonna be

100% on board with us getting married so quickly.

- I mean, he might have a point.

- Look, I know that you think we're completely off our heads.

But ever since Ranesh proposed to me,

it's just been this really special thing

that's just for me.

And everyone's really proud of me.

And I've never had that before.

So I just want us to get married as quickly as we can

so I can hold on to that feeling

for as long as possible.

- [Sighs]

But ideally, we would ease him into this,

you know, take our time, getting to know the family,

meeting Mum and Dad.

And you need a TED Talk and three manuals

before you speak to Mad Amber.

- True, but Sachin is in Glasgow

for one night and one night only

on his way to Berlin.

So we have this one casual drinks at Scribble

to make him like me,

meet his whole extended family-to-be,

and convince him that we are nothing like Sandra.

- I will... - I will channel

our rom-com lord and savior, Patrick Dempsey.

And I will make sure everyone is on their bestest behavior.

- And just one other wee thing.

- Mm-hmm?

- You know that refreshing,

freewheeling honesty of yours that we all love so much?

- Mm-hmm?

- I'm not asking you to change it, but...

Could you cover it for the night, maybe?

- Do you want me to catfish Ranesh's dad?

- Yes.

- [Groans] Fine.

EVIE: Mm, thank you, Nina.

NINA: Mm-hmm.

EVIE: Best maid of honor ever.

NINA: That's 'cause you've got nothing to compare me to.

[Light music]

NINA: "We need a new name for our extra foam latte."

Any takers on the name yet? - No.

Well, no, there's one suggestion,

but, uh, it's mine.

And it's shit.

Foam Alone.

So...

If you build it, they will come.

- You know, you don't need a jazzy name.

Your coffee speaks for itself.

- Mm.

In an ideal world, yes.

But we all have to dress ourselves up a bit

to get on in life, don't we?

- You sound just like my sister.

- Mm, her concave-arsed fiancé,

was he the worst man in the world?

- Currently living? - Mm.

- Then yes. - [Laughs] Oh.

[Both laugh]

- Anyway, she wants us all to put on a mask

and pretend to be something we're not to impress his dad

because he did a show at Art Basel.

- What's that? - I have no idea.

But I've been down that road before,

pretending to be something I'm not.

I tried for years to be normal,

and I just came off as more weird.

I'm the girl who spent her adolescence

trying not to be autistic.

It wasn't as fun as it sounds.

LEE: I get that.

When I was 16, I blacked out at a house party

and my mates set fire to my pubes.

I had to pretend that I was, like, raging and embarrassed.

But they didn't know that I'd only just started

growing pubes, like, three weeks before that.

So I was just buzzing they knew I had them to begin with.

- [Laughs]

- I'll never forget that smell, though.

Anyway, um, ach, maybe it's just about being, like...

Like, the best version of yourself, you know?

Like, if I was ever to meet your parents,

I'd want to make a good impression.

A-as your hot drink technician.

I-I mean, my drinks are hot.

Not me.

- Thank you.

- My pubes grew back!

Sorry. What...what can I get you?

- Can I have a flat white and a biscotti, please?

- Yes.

[Upbeat rock music]

[Phone chiming and buzzing]

[Computer chimes]

- Did everyone see?

Dr. Catherine Dunne posted a vacancy online

that's getting the Dinosaur gang

hot under the collar.

Yeah, I've always thought Dr. Dunne was a bit overrated,

for what it's worth. - Apart from the fact

that she discovered like, the first armored dinosaur

in 130 years, yeah?

- She turned me down for a job once.

DECLAN: Hmm.

- Anyway, look at me now.

Got a corner office and my own toilet.

- You only have your own toilet 'cause none of us

want to go in after you, Shane. DECLAN: [chuckles]

- You know, you've really got to be a performing monkey

if you want to get anywhere as a paleontology media type.

And I wasn't prepared to do that.

No, not even for a guest spot

on In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg.

DECLAN: Disguise can be a bitter fruit to chew.

♪ ♪

[The Quilter's "Hangin' It Up"]

SINGER: ♪ I'm not saying you're in the wrong for playing ♪

♪ But I prefer some color to the usual gray ♪

♪ It's quite clear ♪

AMBER: You wore it. - [Gasps]

- You look like a goddess.

- I look like I'm in a militia.

AMBER: Ranesh and Evie are over there.

I'll sort the drinks.

[Upbeat music playing over speakers]

EVIE: Nina.

You look so chic. NINA: That's right.

I've buttoned into my military-grade jumpsuit

and buckled in for the Operation Dad Meet.

So don't worry, there will be no radical honesty

from me tonight. - Perfect.

- Except am I allowed to tell the story

about the time you shat yourself in Zante

wearing wee white hot pants? - [Laughs] Nina.

Seriously, though, do not tell him

that I had to repeat second year of uni.

- I wasn't going to. EVIE: Or let Dad get drunk

and go on and on about his furniture shop.

- Oh, God. - What?

- Dad's teetotal. He gave up a few weeks ago.

- And you let us plan a casual drinks gathering?

RANESH: Oh, my God, what was I thinking?

NINA: This has nothing to do with anything,

but is that a cowboy hat or a trilby?

EVIE: I told you, it's not 2005.

- He's here.

[Nervously] Dad.

[Deeply] Dad.

NINA: His glasses are really small.

- Don't say anything.

- Oh, but I really want to. - Mm-mm-mm-mm.

- May I introduce mon amour?

- Oh, that's French for "love." [giggles]

- Well, that was practically Masonic.

[Chuckles] - I'm Nina.

SACHIN: Nina. - Can I take your jacket?

- I'll, uh, keep it on.

- So have you come very far?

- From where I started, I would say so.

- Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool.

- Incredible.

I just love art.

- It brings people together.

- Well, that's a naive statement.

Art is a corporate entity these days.

EVIE: Mm.

- Wow, look at us,

all standing together.

It's nice, standing, isn't it?

Just standing and...

Talking and...

Thinking and...

Feeling and...yeah.

- Uh, can I help you?

- I'm Amber, Evie's best friend.

I'm the deputy manager here.

- Great. Well, get me a soda water.

- Are you sure?

We've got this lovely cherry crémant.

- He wants soda water, Amber.

RANESH: So, Papa,

have, um, you been busy lately? - Oh, my God.

SACHIN: Busy is a very bourgeois concept.

- What is Mom wearing? - Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna sort it out. [Clears throat]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I'm going to go away,

and then at some point, I shall return.

So keep on being you two.

- Shall we?

- Wow, this bar.

Must be quite a stimulating space for you, Nina.

- Mm-hmm, did you two not get Amber's 12 emails

about how to dress chic?

- No, no, we did. - Mm-hmm.

Do you like my new shawl?

- Currently not allowed to be myself,

so I can't tell you what I think

about your ugly shawl. - [Chuckles]

- The lady in the shop said Helen Mirren has the same one.

- Oh, I love Helen Mirren.

- Ick, Dad.

You look boiling, Mother.

Would you like me to take your horse blanket

to the cloakroom? DIANE: No.

I bought it especially.

After a lot of discussion,

we decided this was definitely chic

without being too mother of the bride.

- Eh-eh, remember, we're gonna get Sachin to like us

and then tell him about the engagement.

And then we're gonna tell him about the wedding.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The big reveal. NINA: Indeed.

Also, just so you know,

he's posh.

- Ooh. - No.

I mean English posh.

DIANE: Ah.

I get it, mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- So we have to be less...you.

- Cool. - Less.

DIANE: Cool. - Is it cool?

- Yeah. - Are you sure?

[Sighs] [items clattering]

CHEF: Get the fuck out!

BO: Yes, Chef.

But I-I'm only leaving 'cause I wanted to.

- Bo.

- Nina. Nina.

- What were you doing in the kitchen?

Is that mezcal?

I know what that means.

- No... NINA: Mm-hmm, it means

you've had a fight with Hilda.

- She's always trying to change me.

But listen, it is different this time...

NINA: Mm-mm.

- 'Cause I told her where to go.

Bye.

- It's not different. It's the same.

You have a fight with Hilda,

you get off your tits on mezcal,

and then you become a liability.

Why have you done this tonight?

- Ah! You always told me to speak my mind.

- Yeah, I do say that a lot.

- Is his dad here yet? - Yes.

And he has the world's tiniest glasses,

and I'm not allowed to talk about it.

No. BO: Let me at him.

I'll be a right charming bastard.

- Absolutely not. BO: [scoffs]

AMBER: I don't care, Gina.

I'm not your therapist.

NINA: Amber. - Yep?

BO: [groans] - Amber.

- I'm on the clock, Nina.

- Amber, my brother is very drunk,

and you need to sober him up.

Do not let him out of your sight.

Please help me, Amber.

You're my only hope.

- Fine.

If you really need me. NINA: Great.

BO: Did you watch the Rangers and Celtic last night?

- Um, no.

- You must be an important cunt,

because I've been told not to tell

any of my good stories.

- Dad! - Ach, he knows

I don't mean anything by it, don't you, pal?

- Sachin is a well-respected

art critic. ADE: Oh.

- He can kill a show at Art Basel with a single look.

- For my sins.

- [With English accent] Art "Basil"? I love it there.

SACHIN: "Bah-sel."

- English accent? What the fuck?

SACHIN: It's not what it used to be.

When did you go? - Um, well, I mean, I, uh...

I meant to go.

- Adrian is something of an artist, Dad.

- Ah. What is your medium?

- Benches.

- That's unusual.

What does your work say?

- Well, Sachin, when my furniture starts talking to me,

I know I've inhaled too much varnish.

[Laughter]

- Reel it in.

What are you working on, Sachin?

- Well, I've become quite interested

in decoupage in recent years.

- Well, life begins at 60.

- I'm 51.

- [Inhales sharply]

- So decoupage is, um...

Um...

- Evie, I need to go to the bathroom,

and I struggle with all the buttons

on this big boiler suit.

Will you come with me, please?

- Uh-huh. NINA: OK, awesome.

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Oh.

[Exhaling forcefully]

[squeaking]

- Evie, you need to pull yourself together.

- I can't. I can't.

Oh, my, it's too much.

It's too...the handshake.

I shook his thumb. [Laughs]

I shook his thumb. Nina, who does that?

Do you think he noticed?

- Yeah, I think he probably did.

- I'm normally so good with parents.

And what is going on with Mum and Dad?

- Evie, I have not mentioned

that man's tiny glasses one time,

and it is all I want to do.

We have put our personalities in a box, aside,

for you to impress this man.

Now, if I can do it and I'm literally autistic.

Then you can do it.

You've got this. - I can do this.

- You do this. - I can do this.

- You can do this.

There is nobody better at being fake in a social situation

than you, babe.

- Thank you. That means a lot.

- You're welcome.

- Where's Bo?

- Eeh.

He had a fight with Hilda.

- Oh, my God.

- No, don't worry. I've got it all under control.

I'm holding down the fort.

Everything's gonna be fine. EVIE: Yeah.

- You're gonna go back in there.

We're gonna get a round of drinks.

- Yeah.

- You're gonna kick it in the dick,

not literally 'cause we'll get arrested.

Yes, we're gonna knock 'em dead. Come on.

- Yeah. I'm ready. NINA: OK.

- Let's do it. NINA: OK. Here we go.

She's a raging bull.

[Both grunt]

- Can I get another round of drinks, please?

Where's Bo?

- Peek-a-Bo!

- Oh. You let him behind the bar.

Amber.

- I've got it under control, you silly goose.

If you're gonna be Evie's MOH, you have to chill out.

Here, have some of our cherry crémant

in a special baseless glass. - [Sniffs]

- [laughs]

It can't be done. That's not possible.

- Fuck me, Nina, this is brutal.

I mean, none of my bench stories are landing.

Mm!

Is this lighter fluid?

- No, it's cherry crémant.

- How can I be someone else?

This is all I've got. - Just do what I do.

Just take all of your bad feelings and thoughts

and push them down in a little ball in your stomach.

Like, I think about Sachin's tiny, tiny glasses

and just push it down.

And then when I get home, I scream into my pillow.

[Sighs]

- Oh, is that what you were doing in your bedroom?

- Yes. - [Chuckles]

- That fails, just agree with him.

- With everything he says?

Even if I don't agree? - Mm-hmm.

Just tilt your head and smile and say, I agree.

Men love it when you do that.

- All right. NINA: And fix your tie.

You look like a pervert professor.

SACHIN: Well, yes, this generation is impulsive.

I always say it.

- Very impulsive, this generation.

I completely agree with you.

And I was about to say that same thing.

RANESH: But it can be good to be impulsive...

Sometimes.

Follow your heart.

SACHIN: Oh, come on, Ranesh.

Use your critical faculties.

It's this sort of thinking that got you catfished.

- Sandra said she really needed that small business loan.

- It's all this living from one dopamine hit to the next.

- One dopamine hit to the next, exactly.

We always say that, don't we, Di?

- Good heavens, yes.

Heavens, heavens.

- Taking the plunge.

- Walking on a knife edge.

SACHIN: Exactly.

What's the need?

- No need. - No need.

- Anyway, Ranesh?

- Yes. Yes.

So, Daddy, Evie and I,

we've got something we'd like to tell you.

[Chuckles nervously]

- We went to London. - The Big Smoke.

- He took me up The Shard,

and we went to the Tate Modern. Art!

And we saw the one with, um,

the...the lines and the...the colors.

It was the...the, mm... The Rothko.

[Chuckles]

It's called the Rothko.

- Is that it?

I thought for a second you were going to tell me

that you're engaged.

[Laughs]

[laughter]

Oh, I wouldn't put anything past Ranesh.

- Six weeks and then engaged, oh, that would be...

That would be wild.

- I thought I was a Gemini,

but I think I'm on the cusp of Taurus.

Wait, what's that new one they invented?

- Jellyfish. - [Laughs]

People call me that all the time.

I sting people if they get too close.

- [Chuckles]

Hilda's a Gemini, but I'm a Scorpio,

and they're, like, incompatible with Geminis.

So she made me a Libra.

- Fuck that.

Fuck changing ourselves for love.

We should live our truth.

- Live our truth. - Yeah.

Break away from the binds of tradition.

Like Malala before us.

Or Harry and Meghan. [Laughs]

Wait, we've also been banished by your family,

forced to live in the shadows.

But we will not stand for it anymore.

Evie needs me.

- Let's Megxit those dobbers.

- You are so funny.

Evie never told me she had a brother.

- A big brother.

- Such an interesting job you have, Sachin.

- It has its moments.

ADE: Ah, Bo. - Oh.

DIANE: Oh, my gosh. - What is he doing?

- I told Amber to look after him.

AMBER: We're not gonna be in the shadows anymore.

- The big cheese.

I'm Bo.

I'm Evie's brother.

But she probably hasn't said that

'cause she's embarrassed of me.

EVIE: [laughs]

I'm so glad you two have finally met.

Ah.

Bo, why don't you go and sort yourself out?

- I'm fine.

I'm just...

I'm just feeling a bit worse for the wear.

Had a...a fight with my girlfriend.

You know how that is. She's a bit...

But don't worry, Evie.

I won't invite her to your big wedding next month.

ADE: Fuck's sake.

- What? What wedding?

- Oops. RANESH: Dad, we, um...

We were going to tell you.

- It's something to celebrate.

Crémant? - Oh, he doesn't drink, Amber!

- Oh!

Not my white shirt. - Enzymes. Enzymes.

White wine. - Oh!

- Fuck's sake, dab it.

NINA: Dab, dab, dab. - Get off me!

Who are you people?

Right. Well, I'll just...

- No, wait.

Um, if you want to know who we are...

Mum isn't English.

Dad sells garden furniture.

Bo...well, Bo's always like that.

He's very damaged.

And Ranesh doesn't wear cowboy trilbies.

And Evie is my sister.

And she's a really great and thoughtful

and creative person.

And she once shat her pants in a nightclub in Zante.

And they were white hot pants,

and Mum tried to get them clean using baking soda,

but she just spread it everywhere,

and it was such a mess.

And I'm not supposed to tell that story.

I don't know why 'cause it's a fun story.

And it makes me happy to tell it.

And we have spent this entire evening

pretending to be people we're not

to try and get you to like us,

which doesn't make any sense because you're not very nice.

And I need to know,

why are your glasses so tiny?

- Well, I, um...

I think they make me look more interesting than I am.

NINA: Oh.

Well, fair enough.

SACHIN: Thank you for your honesty, I guess.

You know, uh,

I once shat my pants at the Biennale.

[Laughter]

It was everywhere.

[Laughter]

- I don't actually work here.

SACHIN: Well, son, congratulations are in order.

ADE: More crémant, anyone?

[Indistinct chatter]

[soft music]

[Doors hiss]

[device beeps]

[doors hiss]

- Oh, hi.

Oh.

Oh.

Just bashed my coccyx.

- What? - Uh, I just...

Well, no, it's...ah.

- I was thinking about your double foam latte name.

- Oh, jeez.

That.

- Foamward Bound.

- [Snorts]

Foamward... - I like that.

That's, uh...that's fun.

- I know. LEE: The rest were just filth.

- I know you said that we have to dress up to get along.

But dressing up only works for a wee bit of time,

and then...then you just have to be yourself, you know?

You can't...you can't hide who you are forever.

You can't go about catfishing people

for the rest of your life.

I think you should be honest off the bat.

I think straightaway, you should say, I'm weird,

and...and not pretend.

- Yeah.

- So do you want to go with me to get a...a not-hot beverage

at some point soon?

- A cold beverage?

- Yes.

- Wow.

Um...

Well, yeah, yeah, OK.

- OK. LEE: [laughs]

Wow. [Laughs]

Let's do it.

- Cool.

- Oh.

[Robin Adams' "Sun Behind the Storm"]

ROBIN ADAMS: ♪ If we are beaten by the weather ♪

♪ And if our days have grown cold ♪

♪ We would do better to remember ♪

♪ There's always sun behind the storm ♪

♪ If we are clouded by the darkness ♪

♪ And if our heart's too blind to see ♪