All language subtitles for An.Idiot.Abroad.S01E04.Mexico

The Seven Wonders of the World.

Christ the Redeemer.

The Taj Mahal.

The Great Pyramids.

Truly man's greatest achievements.

But there's one man who sees them differently.

He built her that, she'd be going,
"What's been going on?"

Karl Pilkington.

(Ricky) I don't know the politically correct term.

Close your mouth.

Moron, I think.

He is a round, empty-headed,
chimp-like moron. And he's a friend!

You're not meant to laugh.
You're meant to go, "Ooh."

He's a Little Englander and he doesn't like
going out of his comfort zone.

(Gasping)

I just think it'd be amazing
to send him round the world.

My eyes have never been so busy.

There's always something going,
"Look at me."

So you're like that. By the end of today,
my neck will be well and truly worn out.

(Stephen) What we'd like to see
is him experience other cultures...

...and see if in any way
we can change his outlook on the world.

It's like something me Auntie Nora would have,
sort of next to the telly.

I've been to many exotic places.
I genuinely think travel broadens the mind.

I want him to hate it.

I want him to hate every minute of it
for my own amusement.

Nothing is funnier than Karl in a corner,
being poked by a stick.

I am that stick. And now I have
the might of Sky behind me.

Shit. Shit!

This is one of the funniest, most expensive
practical jokes I've ever done.

And it's gonna be great.

Just let me go home. Jesus Christ!

Next stop, Karl - Chichen Itzá in Mexico.

Never heard of it.

Now, I know you'll think
it looks a little like a pyramid.

Yeah.

It's not just about the building,
though, is it?

Mexico. Very different to Egypt.

Completely different country, on a different
continent, thousands of miles away.

Used, of course, for human sacrifice
back in the day.

- Yeah, the death thing's good.
- Right.

So, as opposed to
celebrating life and culture,

- you want to go round...
- Well, that's more relevant to me than this.

- A pyramid isn't for me, is it?
- The great thing is...

I'm not gonna use a pyramid
but I am gonna die.

The great thing is that in a lot of these
countries there's a very high murder rate.

There's a strong chance that
you or one of the crew could get killed.

There may be, if you've got a building for it.
It's equivalent of, like, Death Hill, isn't it?

If you've got something called that
in an area, it encourages it.

Knock it down.
Say, "Don't do that any more. It's bad."

- I think...
- Well, there you go. Knock it down.

- What...
- Well, anyway, you're going.

Get your bags, your passport.
We've got to get you to the airport.

Packing again. Erm... this time for Mexico.

It's the same clothes.
It doesn't matter where I'm going.

I've got the same pants,
I've got the same T-shirts. Erm...

Maybe a different flavour crisps.

- (Man) What crisps have you got?
- Monster Munch, pickled onion.

Er, it's good to have things like this.

What d'you like about Monster Munch?

It's just a bit... There's something
about them that cheers you up.

Not only are they sort of tasty,

but just having a little monster
to look at when you're fed up.

(Voicemail) You have one new message.

- Hey, Karl.
- How you doing?

- Karlos. How you doing, man?
- I'm all right, yeah.

- Call me Karlos, yeah, that's fine.
- Let's go, man.

What's happened here? This. All this.

Oh, some (Bleep) crashed me, man.

- Some (Bleep) crashed you?
- Yeah.

- Is this yours?
- Uh?

- This dog.
- Yes.

- That's yours?
- Yes, it's Jack.

(Calls Jack)

Normal.

- Is this a little Chihuahua?
- Yes.

(Sneezes)

Qué pasa, Jack?

When you first get them,
they're tiny, aren't they?

A friend of my mam had one,
sat on a seafront...

- Yeah.
- Seagull came down, took it away.

- You know seagull? Bird.
- Yes.

Came down. Grabbed it. Took it out to sea.
Never saw it again.

- No shit?
- No shit.

- Fucking hell, man.
- I know.

Today... is the day of the... Jesus Christ die.

I gonna show you the celebration.
Is a good celebration, man.

There are a lot of romance, Mexican
romance and... well, quite funny, man.

- I've got a girlfriend.
- Nice bod?

- What?
- Nice bod?

- Smart?
- Nice bod.

- Nice body?
- Yeah.

- She used to have.
- Yeah?

Ho! But that's not... I'm not having a go.
I used to look better than this.

So I just think, you know,
we've both sort of lost out a little bit.

Good tits?

- Erm... yeah, they're fine. I mean...
- It's OK.

- Like a...
- Well, I mean, you know, I've never...

It's good to have a good body, you know.

- (Groans)
- OK, Karlitos.

You wanna take this street, you know,
for la procesión.

- This one here?
- Yeah. The big celebration is over there.

- See you later, Edgar.
- Ciao.

It seems to be a big deal, here, Easter.
Whereas at home it's just...

I said to him, "D'you have a chocolate egg?"
and he was like, "What?"

He had no idea.
They don't have chocolate eggs here.

I mean, for me, that's what Easter is.

Take the eggs away, it's...
You know what I mean? It's Friday.

Has he fell over?

(Man) I think it's part of the story.
Somebody helps him?

- Dunno. D'you know the Bible story?
- No, I don't. No.

But surely he wouldn't want
someone helping him, would he?

That's like saying,
"Come on, I want to see you get crucified."

He'd say, "Put it down.
Don't be helping me."

It's the one time in your life
when you don't want help.

(Drum beating, recorder playing)

They're coming through again.
He's got a rush on.

Just what you want, innit? Imagine that.
Being Jesus. Being taken...

You know, your life's gonna end,
you've got someone with a recorder.

It's the worst sound going, innit?
It's the worst instrument, that.

I'd say, "Do it here." Bloody 'ell.

- (Shouting)
- God Almighty.

I thought it was a proper accident before,
when he was walking up and he fell over.

I thought it was a proper trip and it was.
He's obviously hurt his leg, look.

But it does sort of ruin
the whole sort of Jesus-type image

when, you know,
someone from St John's Ambulance

is sticking a bit of Savlon on his knee.

D'you think they're gonna nail him?

Not after... Because they were
so concerned about his knee,

putting Savlon and stuff on it,

I don't think they'd do that
and then say, "Right, give us your hands."

It'd be a bit er...
It'd be a bit extreme, wouldn't it?

They used to do it.
Until 1984 they used to do it with nails.

- Here?
- Yeah.

Well, what sort of a nail
do you use for that?

I always struggle. Doing DIY,
you just never... You never get it right.

I do not know what sort would go through...

Oh...

(Talking)

Jesus.

(Everyone quiet)

Well, they obviously... All this
means a lot to these people, doesn't it?

Whereas I've never seen
anything like this at home.

You know, at home, really, it's a sort of a...

It's got religion linked to it,
but it's just a time of the year

for greedy people
to feel they're doing good.

"Oh, I love Jesus, me. You got any eggs?"
I mean, why's an egg even involved in it?

I don't know the connection
between Jesus and an egg.

He can't be happy with that. If he was
on his cross, having his last breath,

and someone said,
"We're gonna remember you."

"What are you gonna do?"
"We're gonna have egg."

"You what?" D'you know what I mean?
You wouldn't be chuffed with that.

It's not like this at home, is it, Easter?

You know, my Easter weekend,
I'm normally sat watching James Bond

or, you know, just nipping out to B&Q,
stuff like that.

But... somehow I can't see
that happening here.

Since I've been here, you know,
I've sort of been thinking about

things that I know about Mexico, which
isn't that much, but then I just remember...

seeing a Mexican jumping bean
on Sesame Street when I was a kid.

Mexican jumping beans.

- (Man laughing)
- What you laughing at?

I told my mam about 'em.
"What you on about?"

She ended up buying me
some marbles instead.

I've always wanted to see one in real life.

- Mexican jumping beans.
- (Local man) Mexican jumping beans?

- Have you heard of them?
- No.

It's like a bean... and it jumps about.

Bump a-bump a-bump.

I don't know if you eat them or if
you get them in a food shop or a pet shop.

Like a little bean, pop it in your hand.
Tch-tch-tch-tch-tch.

I thought they'd be like Heinz beans -
you can get them anywhere at home.

You know Heinz beans?

- You've got no brakes.
- Sí.

- How do you brake?
- Sí.

- Brake.
- Sí.

- How?
- Sí.

- No brake.
- Sí.

You're mad, you Mexicans. You need
brakes. It's not safe. (Makes brake noise)

Brake.

(Mobile rings)

No, I didn't pack anything like that, no.

Wrestling?

What's that got to do with the Seven Wonders?
I'm here to see a Wonder.

(Chanting)

I've had enough practice. I mean,
you've sort of had me in a head-lock so...

(Ricky laughs) Yeahl

No, that's a cert. That's a cert.

- (Ricky still laughing)
- I'm glad you're enjoying it.

I'll see you later. All right.

- Hiya. Are you Sandy?
- Hello.

Bloody 'ell.

I'm not doing it in front of a crowd, am I?
I'm just training.

Yeah, some training. Yeah.

It's good, innit? I'm just about to
go and er... wrestle with the Shocker.

I told Suzanne about it, right?

I said, "Don't be hassling me,
I'm about to go wrestling."

She's sent me a text. "Be careful.
How do you use the DVD player?"

So that's good, innit?
She's not that worried.

- Hey!
- I should introduce you.

- Nice to meet you, Karlitos.
- How you doing? You're Shocker.

Very good. I am Shocker. Very pleased
to meet you. Let me show you around.

You're a lot bigger than I thought.

I thought they would have given me
a little fella to try out with.

Oh, you want a little fellow?
How big? This big?

- About that big.
- (Laughs)

- Someone I can sort of kick.
- Watch.

(Yelling)

I know it's Ricky that set it up
and it's funny, you know, to him.

But this is, like, how accidents happen.
It's like the start of Casualty.

You watch that programme,
everyone's having fun.

It's a party or something.
People are going on holiday in a bus.

And you know it's all going to go wrong.
And that's how this feels.

- It feels like the start of Casualty.
- (Bang)

That's someone being chucked around.
That's gonna be me out there.

I mean, does he know the full story,
that I'm here to see the Seven Wonders?

- I haven't come here to be trained as a...
- No, he doesn't know that.

Yeah, well, it's... You should tell him, really.

- It'd look better on you.
- Wow. You look just like a wrestler.

I look like a right knobhead.

Hey, come on.

- Squat, then jump. Kick your legs...
- Can't you go like that?

- Yeah. Go ahead.
- Oh, that's all right.

- Whoa! Ho-ho. Good job!
- Nearly.

You almost got it. OK.

We're going to start with the basic training
of wrestling. Are you ready?

- Fuckin' hell. What have I done there?
- You'll be OK in a couple of days.

Come on. Ready?
You gotta follow their lead, OK?

Come on.

There you go! See how easy that was?

- OK?
- (Karl) Can I be you in that one?

Shit-house! Come on, you sh!

- Oh, I missed the thing.
- (Laughs)

Go.

Grab the rope.

Good job!

Hold on. Can I just?
Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

Bueno, bueno.

You're sick? Gonna throw up?

Is it normal to feel this sick?

Oh, yeah.

- Do you give up?
- Yep.

(Groans)

- Come on, Karl. You can do the next one.
- Shocker, I can't.

Can you see me shaking?

It hasn't done my confidence
any good, really, because...

I thought I was fitter than that.

What d'you think
Suzanne would say if she saw you now?

I'm not letting her watch this one.

Whatever night this goes on,
I'm gonna take her out for something to eat.

"I want to stay in, watch..."
"No, we're going out."

It's Easter Sunday today, innit? So I don't
know what I'm meant to be doing.

Ricky and Steve are probably at home
doing nothing

and they haven't called up yet
and given me any instructions,

so I'm just gonna have a wander about,
see what's going on.

Oh, look at the newspapers.

Normally, we've got Cheryl Cole
on the front of our newspapers.

Yet here, look. Fella sort of... done in.

Look at that.

They're not scared of death
here in Mexico, are they?

They're not worried about it.

I mean, our graveyards
don't look like this, do they?

This looks like a holiday camp, in a way,
with the different colours and everything.

Those sort of beach huts
that you get in Kent.

Oh, this is the thing we're seeing, innit?
The Chichen... Chichen Itzá.

And I've heard about this erm...

- Day of the Dead that they do.
- Yeah.

Everyone basically has a party
to celebrate the dead people.

Cos we don't do that. We find it
all a bit morbid, don't we, death?

We're not allowed to talk about it.
We certainly don't have a day dedicated to it.

But then we waste days, you know,
dedicated to, like, Pancake Tuesday.

Why have we got a day for pancakes?

It's the sort of thing my dad would do, that.

He built a barbecue a bit like this.
Little grill bit in there. That was a funnel.

(Mobile rings)

All right, mate. How's it going?

It's all right. I'm not having a bad time.

Which is an odd thing to say,
cos I was wrestling yesterday.

Erm... it depends.

I mean, if it's edited badly,
I could come across like I'm weak.

But er, I think
I got a few good moves in there.

What d'you mean about the banning bit?

I've been here now a couple of days
and I've already seen

that they're not really
bothered about health and safety.

So the fact that there's something that they
are worried about the health and safety of

means that it must be pretty mental.

I'm just waiting here for Carlos, then, innit?

Chicken with a gun.

- Hello, mate.
- Carlos. How are you doing?

- You all right?
- I'm fine, mate.

(Men whistling)

(Man shouts in Spanish)

What are they doing?

That's er... It's kind of a... a whistle.
We always do.

No, I wasn't that shocked with the whistle.

It was sort of the 30-foot frog
that they were carrying.

Oh, yeah. It's called the Judas.

We use things we don't like
and we burn them.

They try to stop it
because it's a bit dangerous.

What sort of... danger?

Erm... Get an injury, but not like... death.

But it's... There's a lot of injuries.

Look.

- He is a master craftsman.
- Yeah?

He makes fireworks.

- What? Just on the street, like this?
- Yeah.

Are these safe? Look at him.
Has he lost an eye from doing this?

Yeah. One of these fireworks, you know,
they turn on

and then go... fsshhh! Like a rocket.
And they hit you.

He got hit in the eye.

Who's taking security measures?
I haven't seen anyone who looks official.

I've seen a fella with one eye,
who's in charge of making the fireworks.

Yeah. That's why
the government try to ban it.

But it would help the situation
if they just got a fella with two eyes.

Maybe the government would say,
"Well, at least they're trying to make it safer."

But I don't... I mean, respect to the man
for making a living out of it,

but I don't think
he's the best man for the job.

(Announcement on PA)

- This is a... This is classical torito.
- Yeah?

- This one is going to burn.
- It's fucking mental.

It's not fucking mental.
You'll enjoy it, mate.

So all this is gunpowder, yeah?
I'm not getting under that.

You're not getting under that, mate.
If you wanna go down to...

Well, Jamie's in charge of
health and safety

and yet he's fucked off back, you see.

So I don't know
what I'm meant to be doing here.

- Is that a safe place?
- There's no safe place, mate. Let's go.

(Whistling, cracking)

OK!

- Where are we going?
- Behind the car! Behind the car!

Behind the car!

(Shouting)

Look, mate! I just got burnt.

Where's your house?

- My house is over there.
- Let's go.

(Whooping)

- Come on, mate.
- Run, then. Run. I'll follow you.

(Bangs)

Where's Carlos gone?

Come on, mate. Get in.

(Laughs) Whoo!

What's this got to do with Jesus?

- Cos it's Easter Sunday.
- Yeah.

There's no hymns going on.
There's no chocolate eggs.

I mean, I haven't read the Bible
but I don't remember anyone mentioning

setting fire to a cow
with a load of fireworks on it.

(Carlos laughs)

The thing is, we burn things... and we think
that it's Judas Iscariot, you know.

It's like a vengeance, you know.

"You betrayed Jesus Christ
so you can burn."

But I wasn't getting that from that.
I just saw... lunatics.

Steve sent me a text, sort of saying,

"Right, you know,
stop all your messing about."

Which is a bit out of order.
He's the one who sorted all this out.

He said, "You're not there to mess about.
You're meant to be seeing the Wonder. "

So I'm gonna er...
make my way over that way today.

He said, "You might as well stop off
on the way and meet some charros. "

I didn't know what they were.
He said they're sort of Mexican cowboys.

Ricky sort of said to Steve
to tell me to try a sombrero on.

That was the main thing he wanted.

Not sort of broadening my mind or
meeting local people, trying local food.

He just wants me to wear a hat.

Close your mouth.

(Yells)

It's not my sort of thing, really.
You know, cowboys and that.

I've never been into them as a kid
or anything, but I'll have a look.

Whoa.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're up.
- Ho whoa whoa.

It's a... Oh... (Struggles to speak)

They're meant to be like proper men,
though, aren't they?

But then, you know, are they?

If I went and met up with me mates and
they said, "What you doing these days?"

"Oh, I've got into horses." They'd go,
"What's happened to you, you knob?"

D'you know what I mean?
It's not a very manly thing to do at home.

(Breathless) Turn! Turn!

Turn.

But for some reason, when you think
of cowboys you do think... manliness.

(Gasping)

But I think maybe it's losing it a little bit now.
Maybe cowboys aren't like that.

Since... you know... Since Brokeback
Mountain. And The Village People.

There's been little things
eating away at cowboys

that are sort of ruining
their reputation a little bit.

John Wayne. You know.
Didn't he turn out to be gay?

They will bring something to...
toughen you up a little bit

and then you will ride a bull.

I can't get on a bull. I shouldn't be getting
on a bull. We've got loads of horses here.

Why are we messing about
on an animal that you shouldn't ride?

They haven't got brains, have they?
They'll just run riot.

I don't wanna do it.

We'll have just a... little drink of tequila...

to smoothen your muscles
and give you a little bit of strength.

One kind of tequila, they put worms in it.

And it's a very nice thing
to offer the worm to the guest.

- What is wrong with you people?
- May we split?

Just piss-arseing about on bulls,
drinking worms.

I've been wrestling.
I've only been here about three days.

It's like everyone's daring each other
to do something stupid.

"Get on a cow. Get on a bull.
Let's have a wrestle. Eat the worm."

D'you know what I mean?
It's never-ending. It's just...

- Actually, for us this is normal, man.
- I know, but that's what's frightening.

Hey...
Do you chew or d'you just swallow?

Of course you chew. And you try
to figure out the flavour and everything.

Right. Here we go.

(Gags)

Ugh...

Swallow it!

(Retches)

It's still in there.

- (Splutters)
- (Laughter)

Oh, God!

Fuckin' hell, man. I daren't bend over
cos I'm gonna be sick.

- Right. OK.
- Let's jump inside.

(Clears throat)

Gracias. Can I see him?

(Joking in Spanish)

(Laughing)

Er... I've caught you out, haven't I?

"Get him pissed up, stick him on a bull."

If anything happens, you just...

See, this isn't... This isn't helping, Eugene.

You know, saying I've got to
suddenly jump out of the way.

Shit.

- Look, look, look.
- Shit!

- (Man) Hey, come on!
- I'm not going out there.

No, seriously, Jamie, I can't.
There's no... It looks...

Pack it in. Keep it shut.

- What's that he's got?
- It's for handling the...

Right. Exactly. No, no!

- Fuckin' hell. Hey!
- (Laughter)

- What's the matter, man?
- Just let me go home!

Jesus Christ. Fuckin' hell!

- (Yelling)
- What was that?

Stop winding me up now.
Seriously. Right?

Enough's enough. Come on.

Fuckin' hell. No chance.

- Karl, come back, man.
- Forget it.

- Karl. It's your turn.
- No.

- Karl.
- Leave it.

Seriously. I've ridden a horse,
I've had a drink, I've eaten a worm.

- Karl, come back.
- No.

- Load of bees here.
- (Distant buzzing)

Is anywhere safe?

D'you sell...
D'you sell Mexican jumping beans?

Mexican jumping beans?

No?

D'you know erm...

Mexican jumping beans?

- (Replies in Spanish)
- No?

I don't understand
why you've never heard of 'em.

One of the best things
to come out of Mexico. Little bean.

You're all stood around here, nothing to do.
You'd love these things.

Just pop 'em on the floor, jump about.

- You seen that?
- What is it?

It's the thing, innit?

That's the er...
Ch... Chinitza that we're seeing.

It's meant to be a place that
they used to sacrifice people and all that,

but they've stuck it on a number plate.

(Voicemail) You have one new message.

Change of plan, innit? I thought
I was gonna be seeing the Wonder today.

But Ricky and Steve have called up,
said "Forget that.

"You're gonna be spending the afternoon
in a little village with some Mayan people. "

So... should be all right, shouldn't it?
You know.

After all that hassle on the horses
with the charros and that,

it should be
a nice little relaxing afternoon, really.

- Luis?
- Hola.

- How are you doing?
- Fine, thanks. And you?

- I'm Karl.
- Nice to meet you, Karl.

Good to see you.
You're a big lad. Who's this?

- This is my uncle. José.
- José?

- José.
- José. Nice to see you, José.

The name of this small village is Yachuná.

Yachuná has around 500 people.

It's a quiet place. It's not like a big city

because we don't have
a lot of things to do here.

- No, there's nothing to do here, is there?
- No, nothing.

It's just working in the cornfield
and then you go back to your home.

(Speaking Spanish)

- Has he had a good day? Is he happy?
- Er...

(Speak Mayan language)

Yes. He say yes.

When did he last have a bad day?

- Never.
- Never.

- He's happy every day.
- He's got a happy face.

- Yeah. Exactly, yeah.
- He's constantly smiling.

They're all just stood around. There's
a fella just playing with a bit of rubber.

It can't be good for you, this, can it?

That fellow who was smiling,
has he ever seen other life?

- Has he ever been to, say?
- No. Just here in this little town.

Living here in the little house.

But he doesn't know
what he's missing, does he?

Anyway, he said, "Let's go and knock down
a wasp nest."I said,"Do what?

He said, "Yeah, we knock down
the wasp nest and get all the erm...

"get the larvae from it."

- What d'you do with them?
- We eat it.

- Larvae? Wasp larvae?
- Yes.

You eat wasp larvae?

- There is the wasp nest.
- Oh, yeah.

Shitting meself, I was.

Shit. They're all coming out.

Ooh! Fuckin' hell!

This is stupid. Seriously,
how good could a larva egg taste?

Is it worth it?

- I got one in my...
- Move your hand. Move that hand.

Ugh! Fuckin' hell, it's...

There it is.

Fuckin' hell.

Don't run away, OK? Just look at it.
Look at that thing.

These little larvas, wasp larvas,
are still alive and you can eat it like this.

Went in their house. Tiny place.

Tight in here, innit?

And the woman who was doing
the cooking, she'd made some tortillas.

And then they got the larvae
out of the wasp nest.

"It's all right. We've stuck 'em
in chillies and stuff."

- (Muffled) Fuckin' hell!
- (Laughter)

That's really hot. I can't eat that.

You can hardly taste them. The chillies are
more pow... Well, don't put 'em in, then.

If it's the chillies that's nice, and the sauce,
don't bother with the grubs.

Agh! Jesus! That's really hot.

Erm... and then I thought I'd give them...

some... some...
You know, a new experience.

- What's that?
- Bit of Monster Munch.

Pop it in your mouth.

- How d'you like that? It's good, innit?
- Good.

I mean, I think Luis has had stuff like that.
You don't get that fat from wasp larvae.

I mean, he had a belly on him.

He kept saying, "Oh no, it's the wasps.
It makes you big and strong."

How many are you eating?

Because they're only that big.
And there's not much fat in 'em.

But the uncle, you could tell he was
kind of like, "Oh, this is all right, this."

I think he enjoyed it.

So I'm happy about that. I gave him
a new experience there, I think.

And I just was hoping
that he'd get a taste of something new

and think, "D'you know what?
I might leave this little village

"and go into town and get some crisps."

Anyway, off to see
the Wonder that they built tomorrow.

(Mobile bleeps)

I'm sure I just saw something.

- (Squeaking)
- What's that?

Is someone pumping a tyre up?

Every Wonder that I've been to so far,
I've been whingeing a lot, haven't I?

So I'm gonna try
and change my attitude on this one,

cos that's what
this trip's been about, really.

I've been eating stuff
that I wouldn't normally eat,

doing things that I wouldn't normally do.

So I'm gonna try and go there
with the idea that I'm gonna love it.

Is this it?

(Mobile rings)

Hello?

Yeah, I'm filming now.
I'm at the actual Wonder.

But I told you what to do. You just get the...
You get the scart lead.

That's coming out
the back of the DVD player.

Yeah, and just stick that in the back of the
telly. There's two holes. Use the first one.

Jesus, I'm at the...

Yeah, looks all right.
It's just a big pyramid.

Right. Well, all you've got to do

is hit that AV button on the remote control
and it will come up.

All right. Talk to you later.

(Audio guide intro music)

(Female guide)
Hola. Welcome to Chichen Itzá,

home to one of the most amazing and
advanced cultures in history - the Mayas.

I am Gabriela and I will be your host.

(Male guide) Buenas dias, Gabriela.

Yes, the Maya were amazing.
Archaeologists have uncovered evidence

that points to this site
as once being covered in human skulls.

I mean, we've only just started listening
and straightaway it's, like, violence.

It's just what they used to do
with all, like, these dead heads.

Stick the skulls on, frighten people off.

So it was sort of cladded in heads.

If you live round here, you'd constantly
be hearing, like, screaming going on.

As nice as it is... It's lovely. All these trees.
Nice buildings and that.

But that would make me go,
"I want to move," to be honest.

Having all that going on all the time.
Someone screaming their tripe out.

"Agggghh..."

This would have been a good hiding place,
when you think about it.

If you're due to have your head cut off,
great place to sort of run around, innit?

They've got too many, though, haven't they?
It's like an IKEA for, like, columns.

"Which one d'you want?"
"Well, any. They're all the same."

"Can't get shot of 'em.
How many d'you need?"

(Male guide) Standing at the Tzompantli,
you can still get that eerie feeling

that the Spaniards felt when
they first witnessed the human sacrifice

conducted by the indigenous people
throughout this region.

(Screaming)

(Splash)

Jesus, that is big, innit?

It's coming this way.

Fuckin' hell.

Look at that. It loved that.
D'you want some more?

Now it's seen it.
"Yeah. I'll have a bit more of that."

It's weird how you can have something
in common with something so different.

That's, like, millions of years old, innit?

But it still likes a HobNob.

(Male guide) In most religions,
an afterlife is a realm of...

I'm up to 'ere with this.

(# Depeche Mode: Just Can't Get Enough)

# When I'm with you, baby
I go out of my head

(Sings along) # I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

# All the things you do to me
and everything you said

# I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

It's funny, innit?
Even though it's like... a bad-vibey area...

...with a bit of Human League
it's happier, innit?

#... enough of...

Oh, aye, yeah. Course it is.
Depeche Mode.

If they would've, like...

televised the sacrificing,
Sky TV having this.

# Just can't get enough #
"Cut another one off."

#Just can't get enough

# It's getting hotter, it's a burning love

# And I just can't seem to get enough

Oh, here we go, look. Here we go.

It's already starting.

More tat.

Hiya.

Got any erm... jumping beans?

- Mexican jumping beans.
- No.

- D'you know anyone who does?
- No.

- No-one?
- No.

Why not?

I tell you, you'd make a killing.

Just get rid of half the plates,
have some jumping beans.

(Whistling)

It's getting busy now, innit?

What's the clapping thing about?

Yeah, it's... just...

(Chirping echo)

Oh, now I'm hearing it.
It's like a "Boing, boing, boing".

(Chirping)

- Is that me doing that?
- Yeah.

Just fluke, though, innit? That can't be...

Whoever designed that
didn't say to the builder,

"Right, listen,
I need some sort of structure,

"some sort of platform
that we can cut heads off.

"We want the head to roll down.

"And at the bottom, something
where I clap and it sort of bounces back."

They wouldn't...
That just wouldn't be on the to-do list.

(Man) One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Is that... I mean, who, you know...

Is that what they really wanted
this to be like when they built it?

This Wonder. A Wonder of the World.

Is she all right there?
This woman's fainted.

Oh...

You see, though, everybody loves it. It gets
a bigger crowd than the Wonder now

cos people go, "What's going on, Elsie?"

"I know, get the camera out.
Think they're dying."

"Oh, she's still alive. Let's move on."

The ambulance now.

I'd prefer to get out of here now.
I feel like I've seen it.

I've had a bit of a lesson with this.

It's been all right. It's not been
my favourite bit of Mexico, if I'm honest.

Look, more people flogging shit.

I'm half tempted just to sort of fall over,
like that woman, and get a lift home.

I'm going home today.

It's... You know. I'm always
sort of happy about going home.

But erm... But I've enjoyed it here.

Quite a lot. I'd probably say
it's me favourite place I've ever been to.

Which is a pretty... big statement, innit?

The Wonder wasn't great. I wouldn't say,
"Come to Mexico to see the Wonder."

It's everything else. There doesn't
seem to be any sort of rules.

They just do what they wanna do.

And I felt like I'd been able to do what
I wanna do whilst I've been here, really.

That's something else, as well -
women are quite er...

You know, they look... quite big.
Big people, a lot of them.

D'you like that?

In a way, because they don't care.

At home, women don't eat
what they want to eat, do they?

You go, "What you having?" They'll go...

I'll say to Suzanne, "We'll have chippy."
"All right. I'll just have haddock."

I go, "I'm having cod and chips." You get
them and it's, "Can I have some chips?"

"No, you can't. You had the option to have
chips but you said you don't want to."

It's all that thing about weight. Whereas
here, she's having chips day in, day out.

She's not bothered. And I quite like that.

It's a sort of a free spirit they've got, innit?
They live the life they wanna live.

Which we don't really do at home,
you know.

I... I like it.
I think I could live here...

for a bit.

The only thing
that I'm a bit sort of gutted about

is not seeing a Mexican jumping bean.

Yeah.

# La la la la

# La la la la

# La la la la

# La la la la #