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1
00:00:03,764 --> 00:00:05,699
Mm-hmm.
2
00:00:05,704 --> 00:00:08,140
Is this important?
3
00:00:08,146 --> 00:00:09,581
It'll just take a second.
4
00:00:09,584 --> 00:00:12,353
Fine, but Mr. Donaghy
is on another call right now
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,763
and doesn't have time for a
separate interaction with you.
6
00:00:14,768 --> 00:00:16,403
Everything he
says will have
7
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:17,574
to work for
both conversations.
8
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:18,578
Really?
9
00:00:18,581 --> 00:00:19,716
Lemon.
10
00:00:19,718 --> 00:00:21,153
"Lemon" works for your business call?
11
00:00:21,157 --> 00:00:22,425
Oh, right, uh...
12
00:00:22,428 --> 00:00:24,129
Well, I just wanted
to let you know that
13
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,636
I have to go to Chicago for jury
duty because I never changed
14
00:00:26,642 --> 00:00:27,709
my residence to New York.
15
00:00:27,711 --> 00:00:29,113
Why not?
16
00:00:29,117 --> 00:00:31,820
Because I wanted to vote
in a swing state, Jack.
17
00:00:31,826 --> 00:00:33,594
Also, I want to stay
18
00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:34,800
on the mailing list at
Chicago Pizza Explosion.
19
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,537
How fast can you turn it around?
20
00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,543
Who, me?
21
00:00:37,545 --> 00:00:38,580
Oh, right.
22
00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:39,884
Uh, I'll fly back in the morning.
23
00:00:39,887 --> 00:00:41,288
I never get
put on a jury.
24
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,861
I wear my Princess Leia costume
and they dismiss me immediately.
25
00:00:43,867 --> 00:00:45,535
Well, that sounds good for both of us.
26
00:00:45,539 --> 00:00:46,707
Thank you very much, sir.
27
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:48,879
Ha, that last part didn't work both ways.
28
00:00:48,884 --> 00:00:50,085
You said "sir."
29
00:00:50,088 --> 00:00:51,890
I think it worked fine.
30
00:00:51,894 --> 00:00:52,895
I'll have Jonathan
31
00:00:52,898 --> 00:00:54,566
call Travel and upgrade your flight.
32
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:55,571
Sweet!
33
00:00:55,573 --> 00:00:56,841
What do you
take to fly?
34
00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,445
Candy and magazines.
35
00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,951
No, pills.
36
00:00:59,955 --> 00:01:01,823
Nobody flies without medication anymore.
37
00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:04,730
Why shouldn't you enjoy
the same luxuries as a dog?
38
00:01:04,737 --> 00:01:07,228
"Comanapracil"?
39
00:01:08,751 --> 00:01:11,254
"May cause dizziness, sexual
nightmares and sleep crime."
40
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:12,522
It's very good.
41
00:01:14,771 --> 00:01:16,039
Tyler Brody on two, sir.
42
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,245
Tyler Brody, the dude from the Olympics?
43
00:01:18,251 --> 00:01:20,853
Yes, he was the silver
medalist in tetherball.
44
00:01:20,859 --> 00:01:22,661
Speedman's caught an angle!
45
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:23,766
Tyler Brody is flailing!
46
00:01:23,769 --> 00:01:26,038
And there's the coil!
47
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:27,911
Lance Speedman is the Olympic
Tetherball Champion...
48
00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:30,686
and Tyler Brody can't believe it!
49
00:01:30,692 --> 00:01:33,862
Boy, there are a lot of weird
Olympic events these days.
50
00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:37,674
Not that weird, Lemon.
51
00:01:37,683 --> 00:01:39,518
Tetherball, we faked.
52
00:01:39,523 --> 00:01:40,991
What? Why would you fake an Olympic event?
53
00:01:40,994 --> 00:01:42,395
For ratings.
54
00:01:42,399 --> 00:01:45,736
We staged several events so that
Americans could win more medals.
55
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:48,647
That's despicable.
56
00:01:48,654 --> 00:01:50,889
It took years of planning and
now Tyler Brody
57
00:01:50,894 --> 00:01:52,563
is threatening to go public
and ruin everything.
58
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,302
So obviously, I have a lot on my plate
59
00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:55,941
and no time to baby-sit the sixth floor.
60
00:01:55,945 --> 00:01:58,080
So before you go gallivanting
off to Chicago
61
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,553
make sure you get your people under control.
62
00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:02,966
Be a manager.
63
00:02:02,969 --> 00:02:03,936
Yeah, yeah.
64
00:02:08,052 --> 00:02:09,387
Liz, Tracy is countersuing me!
65
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,025
For "defamation of character."
66
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:13,465
How can you "defame" someone
who's been arrested
67
00:02:13,471 --> 00:02:15,206
in three different Chuck E. Cheeses?
68
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:17,345
Do you know who I am?!
69
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:20,654
Seriously, please tell me who I am!
70
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,398
Jenna, I'm not taking sides
in this lawsuit thing.
71
00:02:23,405 --> 00:02:24,639
It's ridiculous.
72
00:02:24,642 --> 00:02:25,677
Tracy's video game
never would have worked
73
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,680
without my voice acting.
74
00:02:26,683 --> 00:02:28,718
I deserve to get paid.
75
00:02:28,723 --> 00:02:30,091
Liz Lemon!
76
00:02:30,094 --> 00:02:31,462
Nemesis.
77
00:02:31,465 --> 00:02:33,729
Liz, will you tell Tracy I don't
even want to speak to him?
78
00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:36,512
Okay, two can play at that game.
79
00:02:36,516 --> 00:02:38,618
Liz, could you please tell
Kenneth that Liz wants him?
80
00:02:38,623 --> 00:02:40,424
That's not even...
Okay, that's it.
81
00:02:40,429 --> 00:02:42,465
I am calling Human Resources
82
00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:43,971
and setting up a mediation for you.
83
00:02:43,974 --> 00:02:47,344
I told you, I don't
drink that much at work.
84
00:02:47,352 --> 00:02:49,616
Mediation is a binding form of
non-judicial dispute resolution.
85
00:02:50,697 --> 00:02:52,899
I watched "Boston Legal" nine
times before I realized
86
00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:54,473
it wasn't a new "Star Trek."
87
00:02:54,476 --> 00:02:57,846
Liz, you have to admit
this is unfair.
88
00:02:57,855 --> 00:02:59,157
I got nothing.
89
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,029
Meanwhile, Grizz and
Dotcom bought a boat.
90
00:03:02,036 --> 00:03:04,305
Cape Hatteras is lovely
this time of year.
91
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:07,347
Well, of course Tracy takes
care of his boys and not you.
92
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,488
He thinks he can
93
00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:10,059
take advantage of you
because you're a woman.
94
00:03:10,063 --> 00:03:12,766
Men think they can get
away with anything.
95
00:03:12,772 --> 00:03:14,440
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
96
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,712
at the Oscars.
97
00:03:15,715 --> 00:03:17,217
No one has it harder in this
country today than women.
98
00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:19,189
It turns out we can't be president.
99
00:03:19,194 --> 00:03:21,630
We can't be network news anchors.
100
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:24,239
Madonna's arms
look crazy.
101
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,247
Tyler, I know you're upset we
didn't pick you for the gold
102
00:03:26,252 --> 00:03:27,853
and I'm going to
make it up to you.
103
00:03:27,856 --> 00:03:30,159
How would you like to
host "Deal or No Deal"
104
00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:32,267
in the privacy of your own home?
105
00:03:32,272 --> 00:03:33,773
I think I'll hold a press
conference instead...
106
00:03:33,777 --> 00:03:37,440
tell the world there's no such
thing as Olympic tetherball.
107
00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:41,664
...or synchronized running.
108
00:03:41,671 --> 00:03:43,606
Or octuples tennis!
109
00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:44,878
It's all a lie.
110
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:46,483
A white lie that
did a lot of good
111
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:47,784
for this country's morale.
112
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,262
Did you know that
President Bush's approval rating
113
00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:52,335
was almost as high as 15%
following the Olympics?
114
00:03:52,340 --> 00:03:56,577
Gasp! Olympic hero Tyler Brody!
115
00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:58,189
Olympic fraud!
116
00:03:58,193 --> 00:04:00,896
There's no such thing as Olympic tetherball.
117
00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:02,738
They made it all up for the ratings.
118
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,711
What are you saying?
119
00:04:05,718 --> 00:04:06,853
Tyler...
120
00:04:06,856 --> 00:04:09,225
You can be the voice of "Knight Rider..."
121
00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:12,334
the film!
122
00:04:12,341 --> 00:04:14,366
I'm listening.
123
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:40,360
Okay, I'm Jeffrey, I am a mediator.
124
00:04:40,369 --> 00:04:44,106
And you two are having
a dispute, now why is that?
125
00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:45,350
Because Tracy thinks he can
treat me unfairly
126
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,888
because I'm a woman.
127
00:04:46,892 --> 00:04:48,393
What?! Please.
128
00:04:48,397 --> 00:04:49,899
We're here because white folks
think they can do
129
00:04:49,902 --> 00:04:51,737
whatever they want to do to black folks.
130
00:04:51,742 --> 00:04:52,977
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
131
00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:54,181
at the Oscars.
132
00:04:54,183 --> 00:04:57,019
White people stole
jazz, rock-n-roll
133
00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:59,395
Will Smith and heart disease.
134
00:04:59,401 --> 00:05:00,602
Now they think
135
00:05:00,605 --> 00:05:01,840
they can take my hard-earned money.
136
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,511
Okay, well, if we look at how voice actors
137
00:05:03,515 --> 00:05:04,750
are normally compensated...
138
00:05:04,753 --> 00:05:06,287
Liz says,
in today's America
139
00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:07,926
it's harder to be
a woman than a black man.
140
00:05:07,929 --> 00:05:09,698
Liz Lemon? That chick is dumb!
141
00:05:09,703 --> 00:05:11,038
Okay...
142
00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:12,542
Tracy, do you know women still
get paid less than men
143
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,881
for doing the same job?
144
00:05:13,884 --> 00:05:16,319
Do you know it's still illegal
to be black in Arizona?!
145
00:05:16,325 --> 00:05:17,994
Do you have any idea
how hard it is
146
00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:20,364
to be an overweight transgender
in this country?!
147
00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:30,290
No, Grandma, no...
148
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:39,528
"Believe in the stars."
149
00:05:39,537 --> 00:05:41,539
It's like that doesn't even
mean anything anymore.
150
00:05:41,544 --> 00:05:43,412
Kenneth...
151
00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:45,419
I'm sure I can trust
your discretion about
152
00:05:45,423 --> 00:05:46,658
what happened in
my office today.
153
00:05:46,661 --> 00:05:48,429
What you overheard was some rather
154
00:05:48,434 --> 00:05:50,436
grown-up talk.
155
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,509
Was any of it real,
Mr. Donaghy?
156
00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:55,717
Beer pong? Jazzercise?
Women's soccer?
157
00:05:55,725 --> 00:05:57,761
You're not in Stone Mountain
anymore, Kenneth.
158
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,601
This is the
real world
159
00:05:59,605 --> 00:06:00,873
and not everything is in black and white.
160
00:06:00,876 --> 00:06:02,969
There's always a right thing
to do, Mr. Donaghy.
161
00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:06,691
Just, sometimes, it's not
the easy thing to do.
162
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:12,805
Tyler Brody was not the only
hero I lost today, sir.
163
00:06:12,817 --> 00:06:15,586
The other hero was you,
in case that wasn't...
164
00:06:15,593 --> 00:06:16,582
I got it, Kenneth.
165
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:23,046
If it weren't for you people,
I'd still be in Africa...
166
00:06:23,052 --> 00:06:25,454
gorgeous, politically
stable Africa!
167
00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:26,460
My people?
168
00:06:26,463 --> 00:06:28,232
Women are the oppressed ones.
169
00:06:28,236 --> 00:06:29,897
And it's even harder
being a beautiful woman.
170
00:06:31,046 --> 00:06:33,481
Everyone assumes I don't try
in bed, it's discrimination!
171
00:06:33,487 --> 00:06:36,090
Whatever, You couldn't last
one day in my shoes, Maroney!
172
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,097
Right, Toof?
173
00:06:37,099 --> 00:06:38,367
No, thank you.
174
00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,905
I could totally be black.
175
00:06:39,909 --> 00:06:40,910
You should try
being a white woman!
176
00:06:40,912 --> 00:06:42,013
Okay, I will!
177
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:43,117
No, no, no, no, no!
178
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,421
I don't like where
this is heading.
179
00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:46,259
"Freaky Friday" social experiment!
180
00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:47,321
Oh, it's on!
181
00:06:48,772 --> 00:06:50,140
Where is Liz Lemon?
182
00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:52,313
I don't really think it's fair
for me to be on a jury
183
00:06:52,318 --> 00:06:53,719
because I can read thoughts.
184
00:06:53,722 --> 00:06:55,090
Dismissed!
185
00:06:55,093 --> 00:07:00,065
Welcome aboard
Flight 1876 to New York...
186
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,091
Hello?
187
00:07:05,094 --> 00:07:06,796
Lemon, as part of our deal
to keep him quiet
188
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,003
Tyler Brody is going to be on
your show this week.
189
00:07:09,008 --> 00:07:10,576
But he won't do any tetherball stuff.
190
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,449
Boy, Jack, it must be nice to
dump your problems
191
00:07:12,453 --> 00:07:13,454
on other people.
192
00:07:13,456 --> 00:07:14,824
It is.
193
00:07:14,828 --> 00:07:16,629
Lemon, do you think Kenneth admires you?
194
00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:18,802
Sure, that kid looks up to everybody.
195
00:07:18,807 --> 00:07:20,676
He calls Tracy's lizard "sir."
196
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:21,815
So someone would have to
be a complete monster
197
00:07:21,818 --> 00:07:23,053
to lose his respect.
198
00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:25,058
Yeah... I don't know what
we're talking about.
199
00:07:25,062 --> 00:07:26,630
We're talking
about nobody...
200
00:07:26,634 --> 00:07:28,727
a hillbilly nobody that
doesn't know anything.
201
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:36,029
Hello?
202
00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:37,468
Tracy is a white woman, Liz.
203
00:07:37,471 --> 00:07:38,539
What?
204
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:39,709
He's trying to prove
205
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,680
that being a white woman is
easier than being a black man.
206
00:07:41,685 --> 00:07:43,687
Wait, no...
what about the mediation?
207
00:07:43,692 --> 00:07:44,826
We are way past that.
208
00:07:44,829 --> 00:07:46,998
This is gonna be bigger than
when Tyra Banks
209
00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:48,171
put on that fat suit.
210
00:07:48,174 --> 00:07:49,509
And don't worry...
211
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,847
When I prove Tracy wrong,
you'll get all the credit.
212
00:07:51,853 --> 00:07:53,753
What are you
gonna do, J...?
213
00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:00,311
Hello?
214
00:08:00,315 --> 00:08:03,352
Liz, it's
Becky, your college roommate!
215
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:04,393
I'm sorry, who?
216
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,031
See, Liz Lemon?
217
00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:07,103
You're already treating me
with more respect.
218
00:08:07,105 --> 00:08:08,473
Oh, God, Tracy...
219
00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,877
You wait till I test
this noise out on society.
220
00:08:09,881 --> 00:08:12,017
Minds will be blown!
221
00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:13,356
No! No society.
222
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:16,462
Do not go outside, do not
let Jack Donaghy see you!
223
00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:19,140
Tracis,
listen to meem... oh, boy.
224
00:08:19,146 --> 00:08:20,213
This pills am strong.
225
00:08:20,216 --> 00:08:22,285
You can't fix this, Liz Lemon!
226
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,759
It's about race, It's about being a woman.
227
00:08:24,764 --> 00:08:27,300
It's about money.
It's about being on TV!
228
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,310
And no one understands all that.
229
00:08:30,317 --> 00:08:31,306
Hello.
230
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:37,321
I'ma call you back, I snitting nexta Borpo.
231
00:08:43,194 --> 00:08:46,464
Well, Portland's got a fun, little waterfront.
232
00:08:48,043 --> 00:08:50,513
Would you mind if I closed
this window shade...
233
00:08:50,519 --> 00:08:52,821
I'm trying to adopt a baby but my job
234
00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:53,861
is making it impossible
235
00:08:53,863 --> 00:08:55,265
because my Work Self
236
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,404
is suffocating my Life Me!
237
00:08:57,409 --> 00:08:58,443
I'm Liz Lemon
238
00:08:58,445 --> 00:09:00,504
and I lost my virginity at 25.
239
00:09:00,754 --> 00:09:02,489
I saw the show about
following your fear
240
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:04,829
and it inspired me to wear
shorts to work.
241
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:05,961
It didn't go great.
242
00:09:06,339 --> 00:09:07,841
Do you know Tracy Jordan?
243
00:09:07,845 --> 00:09:10,214
I took
a pill earlier, but...
244
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:11,654
I didn't get my
September issue
245
00:09:11,657 --> 00:09:14,251
of "O" magazine, do you have
the number for subscriptions?
246
00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:17,968
Why would you?! Aah!
247
00:09:18,983 --> 00:09:20,317
I eat emotionally.
248
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,689
And, one time, at summer camp,
I kissed a girl on a dare
249
00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:24,129
but then she drowned!
250
00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:27,670
And here comes some more stuff,
I hate my feet.
251
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,713
And, once, I had a sex dream
about Nate Berkus
252
00:09:29,718 --> 00:09:31,720
but halfway through,
he turned into Dr. Oz.
253
00:09:31,725 --> 00:09:33,360
Has that ever
happened to you?
254
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,733
A hug! This is happening!
255
00:09:35,739 --> 00:09:36,865
It's all right, Liz,
it's all right.
256
00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:38,479
I'm okay.
257
00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:39,549
Please stay close.
258
00:09:39,552 --> 00:09:41,487
Uh, can you keep your hands
outside my clothes?
259
00:09:41,492 --> 00:09:42,226
Okay.
260
00:09:42,227 --> 00:09:43,194
Good.
261
00:09:45,539 --> 00:09:47,174
Kenneth, I'm a good person.
262
00:09:47,178 --> 00:09:48,779
If you say so, sir.
263
00:09:48,783 --> 00:09:51,586
But sometimes,
life is complicated.
264
00:09:51,593 --> 00:09:53,996
There isn't always a right answer.
265
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:55,803
Say you're in a lifeboat...
266
00:09:55,807 --> 00:09:57,442
"You're in a lifeboat."
267
00:09:57,446 --> 00:10:01,984
The boat holds eight people...
but you have nine onboard.
268
00:10:01,995 --> 00:10:03,330
Either you will capsize
269
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:05,268
and everyone will drown
or one person can be
270
00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:07,208
sacrificed to save the others.
271
00:10:07,212 --> 00:10:09,481
Now, how do you decide
who should die?
272
00:10:09,487 --> 00:10:11,990
Oh, I don't believe in
hypothetical situations
273
00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:15,332
Mr. Donaghy, That's like
lying to your brain.
274
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:16,975
Kenneth, you've lived
a sheltered life.
275
00:10:16,979 --> 00:10:19,148
Virtue never tested is no virtue at all.
276
00:10:19,153 --> 00:10:21,144
Oh, I have been tested, sir.
277
00:10:22,398 --> 00:10:24,633
There are only two things
I love in this world...
278
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:26,674
everybody and television.
279
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,381
But up in my neighborhood,
we can't even afford cable.
280
00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:31,756
So my neighbor,
the Colonel, and I
281
00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:34,732
just watched whatever the ol'
rabbit ears pick up.
282
00:10:34,739 --> 00:10:36,374
A lot of folks have chosen to go ahead
283
00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:37,613
and steal cable
284
00:10:37,616 --> 00:10:40,051
from the poor, defenseless
cable company.
285
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:42,393
But not me.
286
00:10:42,399 --> 00:10:46,203
As bad as I want all those
channels, I don't do it
287
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,813
because stealing is wrong.
288
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:50,554
Kenneth, I'm familiar
with the 10 Commandments.
289
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,824
10?
290
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,579
A lot of us women eat
emotionally, Liz.
291
00:10:57,584 --> 00:10:59,986
And while we're not always
in control of our feelings
292
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,628
we do control of
the decisions we make.
293
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:03,969
I know, of course.
294
00:11:03,972 --> 00:11:06,770
Now, you say that
you want a child
295
00:11:07,216 --> 00:11:11,550
and yet, you let Jenna and Tracy
fill that role in your life.
296
00:11:11,665 --> 00:11:13,200
Maybe you're afraid
297
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:15,005
of taking that next step.
298
00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:16,645
Oh, my God, that's it!
299
00:11:16,649 --> 00:11:18,317
Now that we've
leveled off
300
00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:19,756
I think they're gonna
serve us a little snack.
301
00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:21,694
So true, so wise.
302
00:11:21,699 --> 00:11:23,968
You know, when you say
that to everything
303
00:11:23,973 --> 00:11:25,841
it makes me feel like
you're not listening.
304
00:11:25,846 --> 00:11:27,481
Sorry.
305
00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:28,720
Here, try this.
306
00:11:28,723 --> 00:11:32,260
It's wonderful salt-water
taffy from Rhode Island.
307
00:11:32,268 --> 00:11:35,037
Wow, is this one of
your "favorite things"?
308
00:11:35,044 --> 00:11:35,812
Oh, yes.
309
00:11:35,814 --> 00:11:38,149
And I have so many wonderful
favorite things this year.
310
00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:41,317
Sweater capes,
calypso music...
311
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:44,400
paisley tops...
Chinese checkers
312
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,581
High-heel
flip-flops
313
00:11:46,584 --> 00:11:49,520
that lift up your butt
and give you a work-out.
314
00:11:49,527 --> 00:11:50,928
And you...
315
00:11:50,931 --> 00:11:52,796
Liz Lemon.
316
00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:55,938
Too many women are wearing
themselves too thin these days.
317
00:11:56,785 --> 00:11:58,420
And what suffers
because of that?
318
00:11:58,424 --> 00:11:59,358
Your bowel movements.
319
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,361
Your personal life.
320
00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:01,465
Personal life, yes.
321
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:04,303
I want to help you,
what can I do?
322
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,012
Oh, my God,
would you say...
323
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,085
"Please welcome, Liz Lemon!"
324
00:12:09,092 --> 00:12:10,160
No.
325
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,331
But here is what
I will do.
326
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,470
While I'm in New York,
if you want
327
00:12:13,475 --> 00:12:15,643
I can stop by
and I can talk
328
00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:16,876
to Tracy and Jenna.
329
00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:19,423
Solve that little
problem for you
330
00:12:19,428 --> 00:12:21,530
so you can
concentrate
331
00:12:21,535 --> 00:12:23,370
on Liz for once.
332
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:26,378
Oh, you are the best
person in the whole world.
333
00:12:36,987 --> 00:12:38,822
Good grief.
334
00:12:38,827 --> 00:12:40,129
Hi, strangers!
335
00:12:40,132 --> 00:12:43,569
Do you think I'm sexy?
Giggle, giggle, giggle!
336
00:12:43,577 --> 00:12:46,913
Tracy, I know it's you.
And, yeah, I do.
337
00:12:46,921 --> 00:12:49,424
I'm meeting my girlfriends
for brunch!
338
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:51,298
I hope we can sit outside!
339
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:52,668
Lipstick!
340
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:01,734
Jack, what are you
doing down here?
341
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,440
It's been a real
crazy day, Lemon.
342
00:13:03,444 --> 00:13:04,579
We're bidding to build a wind
farm in Turkey
343
00:13:04,582 --> 00:13:05,916
and I'm trying
to convince the board
344
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,888
to sell the
Locomotive Division
345
00:13:07,892 --> 00:13:10,194
and Kenneth is being
a real stick in the mud.
346
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,293
Well, there's nothing
to see down here!
347
00:13:13,478 --> 00:13:16,081
Everything is under
control in Studio 6H.
348
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,488
Good morning!
349
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:19,153
No! No, no, no!
350
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:21,469
No, no, no!
351
00:13:21,472 --> 00:13:24,168
No, no, no...
wait, stop!
352
00:13:25,318 --> 00:13:26,786
Why do you have a monster claw?
353
00:13:26,790 --> 00:13:28,525
They ran out of
white make-up 'cause I insisted
354
00:13:28,529 --> 00:13:29,518
they do my buttocks.
355
00:13:31,038 --> 00:13:32,539
Good morning!
356
00:13:32,543 --> 00:13:34,378
What is going on here?
357
00:13:34,382 --> 00:13:35,650
Jenna and I are
doing a social experiment.
358
00:13:35,653 --> 00:13:36,654
No, you're not.
359
00:13:36,656 --> 00:13:38,558
Wait, what is
Jenna doing?
360
00:13:38,563 --> 00:13:39,664
? You gotta ease on down?
361
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:41,569
? Ease on down the road?
362
00:13:41,573 --> 00:13:42,597
Jenna, stop that right now.
363
00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:46,016
This is worse than when you
wore your shorts to work.
364
00:13:46,022 --> 00:13:47,891
You realize this
is incredibly offensive.
365
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:48,629
Yes.
366
00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:51,233
And you realize blackface makeup
reignites racial stereotypes
367
00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:52,607
African-Americans have worked
368
00:13:52,611 --> 00:13:54,313
for hundreds of years
to overcome.
369
00:13:54,317 --> 00:13:55,285
Here we go.
370
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,087
Yeah, it's bad.
371
00:13:56,089 --> 00:13:57,224
I get it,
Go get some baby wipes!
372
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,695
We're trying to prove
373
00:13:58,698 --> 00:14:01,067
women or black men.
374
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:03,676
white men.
375
00:14:03,682 --> 00:14:05,317
We make the unpopular,
difficult decisions...
376
00:14:05,321 --> 00:14:06,989
the tough choices.
377
00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:08,795
We land on the moon and Normandy
Beach, and yet, they resent us.
378
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,335
Well, sir...
379
00:14:10,338 --> 00:14:12,640
I'm sorry to disagree,
but I am also a white man...
380
00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:14,648
No, you are not,
socio-economically speaking
381
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,355
you are more like
an inner-city Latina.
382
00:14:16,359 --> 00:14:18,961
The point is, men like
me have to step in
383
00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:20,135
and clean up messes like this.
384
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:22,774
No, you don't, I've got
this under control!
385
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,449
She's coming, Jack,
Oprah is coming!
386
00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:28,619
And she's gonna fix everything,
Oprah!
387
00:14:36,694 --> 00:14:38,662
Oh, my, what was that?
388
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,436
We've tripped the
emergency brake, Kenneth.
389
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,141
Mr. Donaghy?
390
00:14:42,146 --> 00:14:44,182
And I've hermetically
sealed this elevator car.
391
00:14:44,186 --> 00:14:46,288
No air can get
in or out.
392
00:14:46,293 --> 00:14:49,262
Don't worry, folks,
help will be here soon
393
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,906
and we have enough oxygen...
for eight people.
394
00:14:51,912 --> 00:14:54,782
Unfortunately, there are
nine of us in here.
395
00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:56,624
Now... one must die.
396
00:14:56,628 --> 00:14:58,764
Mr. Donaghy!
397
00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:00,170
In the panel where the
elevator phone should be
398
00:15:00,174 --> 00:15:02,108
I placed a pistol
loaded with one bullet.
399
00:15:09,706 --> 00:15:12,509
It's empty!
400
00:15:12,515 --> 00:15:15,485
Then you'll have to choke me
with my belt.
401
00:15:15,493 --> 00:15:17,723
I will fight you. It's human nature.
402
00:15:20,442 --> 00:15:22,376
What is wrong with you?!
403
00:15:24,088 --> 00:15:28,092
Oprah smells like rosewater
and warm laundry.
404
00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:31,572
Did she tell you any of her new
favorite things for this year?
405
00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:37,553
Calypso, paisley, Chinese
checkers and sweater capes.
406
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:39,135
Let's go to
the mall!
407
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,471
Did she touch you?
408
00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:51,109
Well, Kenneth, I give up.
409
00:15:51,113 --> 00:15:53,950
I thought pure morality
died with Chuck Heston
410
00:15:53,957 --> 00:15:55,124
but you proved me wrong.
411
00:15:55,127 --> 00:15:57,129
You are better
than all of us.
412
00:15:57,133 --> 00:16:00,337
You are one Latina fantastica.
413
00:16:00,345 --> 00:16:02,280
Hola.
414
00:16:02,285 --> 00:16:03,853
Kenneth Ellen Parcell...
415
00:16:03,856 --> 00:16:05,858
you are my hero.
416
00:16:05,863 --> 00:16:08,232
You don't mean "hero" like
"sandwich," do you?
417
00:16:08,238 --> 00:16:10,798
No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.
418
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:58,804
Oh, no.
419
00:17:10,382 --> 00:17:11,984
Oprah's coming.
420
00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:14,090
I haven't
seen Oprah since
421
00:17:14,095 --> 00:17:16,431
she did that episode about
the worst celebrity dads.
422
00:17:16,437 --> 00:17:17,738
Um, Liz?
423
00:17:17,741 --> 00:17:19,868
Your guest is here.
424
00:17:20,818 --> 00:17:22,012
Oprah!
425
00:17:22,925 --> 00:17:25,018
Hello, Liz Lemon!
426
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:31,920
Uh, how you doin'?
427
00:17:31,923 --> 00:17:33,124
Hi!
428
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:35,095
What were you on?
That's a kid.
429
00:17:35,099 --> 00:17:37,769
That does explain some
of the stuff she said.
430
00:17:37,776 --> 00:17:40,370
I get to fly first class 'cause
my mom is a flight attendant!
431
00:17:40,953 --> 00:17:42,545
I lost my headgear at Six Flags.
432
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,397
My boyfriend's in ninth grade!
433
00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:48,237
It's not Oprah.
434
00:17:48,244 --> 00:17:49,512
I thought
it was Oprah.
435
00:17:49,515 --> 00:17:51,484
It's a spunky, little tween.
436
00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:55,426
Now, as I am sure Liz has told
you, I am Pam.
437
00:17:55,435 --> 00:17:56,837
Pam.
438
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,205
I'm a middle school
class vice president...
439
00:17:59,383 --> 00:18:01,585
a certified and trained
baby-sitter
440
00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:03,625
and I recently got Internet
in my room!
441
00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:05,232
I think I gave her wine.
442
00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:06,771
I believe I can achieve anything.
443
00:18:06,774 --> 00:18:10,377
So let's get down
to solving this problem.
444
00:18:10,386 --> 00:18:11,853
Now which one of you is "Jana"?
445
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,645
Hello, Mr. Donaghy.
446
00:18:18,648 --> 00:18:19,916
Did you have a
good night, Kenneth?
447
00:18:19,919 --> 00:18:23,255
Oh, yes, sir, hardly any
screaming from the Colonel.
448
00:18:23,263 --> 00:18:25,466
Actually,
I was thinking...
449
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:30,375
We all try to be perfect,
but the world...
450
00:18:30,387 --> 00:18:32,223
maybe, well...
451
00:18:32,227 --> 00:18:34,295
uh, what I'm
trying to say...
452
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:38,438
There's a whole channel on
the cable that just tells you
453
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:40,250
what's on the other channels!
454
00:18:40,255 --> 00:18:41,823
I know, Kenneth, it's okay.
455
00:18:41,826 --> 00:18:45,663
I am glad I'm not
a white man, Mr. Donaghy.
456
00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:49,784
Is SpongeBob
SquarePants
457
00:18:49,786 --> 00:18:51,354
supposed to be terrifying?
458
00:18:51,358 --> 00:18:53,986
You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
459
00:18:57,747 --> 00:18:59,816
Yesterday, Liz
and I realized
460
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:04,124
that she's probably wearing
the wrong bra size.
461
00:19:04,135 --> 00:19:05,932
Oh.
462
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,350
Yup... that one's
definitely bigger.
463
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,692
And that
made me feel sad.
464
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:15,063
Now show me your
emotion drawings.
465
00:19:18,049 --> 00:19:19,317
Tracy, your emotion
is upside-down.
466
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:23,057
That's the way
my world is right now.
467
00:19:23,066 --> 00:19:24,834
I guess I'm gonna have to
clean up your mess after all.
468
00:19:24,838 --> 00:19:26,974
She's 12, how did I...
469
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:28,515
It's okay, it happens
to the best of us.
470
00:19:28,518 --> 00:19:31,187
In-flight medication is how
I met M. Night Shyamalan
471
00:19:31,194 --> 00:19:32,362
until it turned out to be...
472
00:19:32,365 --> 00:19:34,534
That was the best
day of my life.
473
00:19:34,539 --> 00:19:35,606
Liz...
474
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:36,609
we worked it out.
475
00:19:36,612 --> 00:19:38,047
I've been hearing...
476
00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:40,386
but I haven't been listening.
477
00:19:40,392 --> 00:19:45,364
And I need to stop being a
frenemy and be your real B.F.F.
478
00:19:45,376 --> 00:19:49,369
Well... Iooks like
my work here is done.
479
00:19:50,727 --> 00:19:53,397
So, I'll see you at my
parents' house for dinner.
480
00:19:53,403 --> 00:19:54,837
My best friend
Gayle can't make it
481
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,776
because she has some
algebra test tomorrow.
482
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:57,770
Oh, Gayle!
483
00:19:58,821 --> 00:20:00,456
Good job, Lemon.
484
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,328
Good job, Pam, really.
485
00:20:02,332 --> 00:20:03,667
take credit.
486
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:04,968
Hmm.
487
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,050
? Lean on me...
when you're not strong?
488
00:20:10,059 --> 00:20:11,694
We're not doing that now.
489
00:20:11,698 --> 00:20:13,598
Stop that, do you hear me?
490
00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,011
I don't think I should be
drinking this.
491
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,985
Oh, come on, like you
never have a drink.
492
00:20:18,989 --> 00:20:21,692
Well, I did have some champagne
at my cousin's wedding once.
493
00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:24,001
Yeah, you did! To Oprah!
494
00:20:24,006 --> 00:20:26,342
My name is Pam.
495
00:20:26,348 --> 00:20:28,248
Oh, Oprah!
35421
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