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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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What are they doing?
2
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Waitress gave them a
children's menu and crayons.
3
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They're trying to see who
can connect the dots first.
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Bear!
5
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Bear on a surfboard!
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I knew it. I sensed it.
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That's no fair.
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My crayon broke.
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I wasn't expecting to
see you here, Felix.
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I thought you were avoiding Langford's.
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Why? Because Emily works
here and she dumped me?
12
00:00:30,456 --> 00:00:31,623
Yes, the truth is, I have not
13
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seen Emily since the breakup,
14
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and I have been avoiding Langford's.
15
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I've also been taking the stairs
16
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instead of using the elevator,
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and donning a moustache and beret
18
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for trips through the lobby.
19
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That was you?
20
00:00:42,435 --> 00:00:45,670
Damn, I thought I had me
a Johnny Depp sighting.
21
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But I knew I was okay coming here today
22
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because it's her day
off and she just posted
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a picture of herself at the dog park,
24
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which must have been taken earlier
25
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because here you are and here are we.
26
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Hi, Felix.
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Good, and you?
28
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What?
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I was wondering when we were going
30
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to run into each other, and now we have,
31
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and it feels right.
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The right stuff.
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We are astronauts of friendship.
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I wasn't sure how we would...
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You know, sin...
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I'm sorry, this is a little awkward.
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Awkward? No, it is goo... d.
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Good as gold.
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The gold medal of friendship...
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- goes to us.
- Oh!
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I don't know where to look.
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Okay, well, have to get back to work.
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You do that.
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Work it, girl!
45
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Well, that went better than I thought.
46
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Oh, God, look who's here.
47
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Uch, Rich Eisen.
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He always "swings by"
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after the ratings come out
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to tell me he beat me
and that he's my daddy.
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Madison.
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Eisen.
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Swing by to gloat about the ratings?
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Oh, what are ratings, anyway?
55
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Other than a highly accurate way
to determine who your daddy is?
56
00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:06,685
Was the astronaut of
friendship thing weird?
57
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No, no, it was good... it was playful.
58
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Say, Oscar, have you heard?
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The Broadcasters Charitable Trust
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has named me Humanitarian of the Year.
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They want someone to
introduce me at the banquet,
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and I thought of you.
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You really think I would do
that after you come down here
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and insult me in front of my friends?
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He'll be there.
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00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:28,506
I'm sorry, Oscar, but, you know,
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you and Rich are on the same network,
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and the execs think it would
be "good corporate synergy."
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I just got the email.
70
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And with your ratings
being where they are,
71
00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:39,417
i.e., the crapper,
72
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it's probably not a good
idea to make the bigwigs mad.
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So we'll see you Friday.
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He could use a big wig.
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You could use a big wig!
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Ah, he's gone.
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Just like his hair.
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You've got no hair!
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Man, he always
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has to get the last word in.
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He's such a jerk.
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Reminds me of my bully from high school.
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I wonder what she's doing now.
84
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I can't believe you
got to get up in public
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and give an award to that fool.
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Oh, don't worry, I'll buy a table
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and we'll all be there to
support you, right, guys?
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- Of course.
- Sounds fun.
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- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, sorry.
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- I thought he was talking to me.
- He was asking you.
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- But you could go.
- I don't have to go.
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- I could go.
- I mean, I'm happy to.
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- Doesn't matter.
- Unless it's weird.
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- Up to you.
- It's your call.
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Oh, I hope there's a bar.
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It's okay, Felix, I don't have to go.
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No, no, of course we can both go.
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It doesn't have to be weird
if we don't want it to be.
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Are you sure?
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Of course!
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This can be the kickoff
102
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to the New Super-Cool
Laid-Back Friendship part
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of our relationship.
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- Uh, um...
- Oh, oh...
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Yeah, there's a bar.
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- Fantastic.
- Oh, thank God.
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.MY-SUBS.com.
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Even though I hate
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having to say nice
things about that clown,
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the speech reads great.
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I just got a couple of tweaks.
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Hit me.
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You see here, when we say,
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"Rich Eisen is a good
man who does good things"?
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Uh-huh.
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Could we lose both of the "goods"?
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You want it to read, "Rich Eisen
is a man who has done things"?
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Yeah, that's better.
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Two questions: What time
is the banquet tomorrow,
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and was it just me,
121
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or did you get the sense
that Emily wants me back?
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7:30, and say what now?
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It just feel like Emily
was sending me signals.
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Oh, Felix, I hate to break it to you,
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but I think you're in denial.
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No, I'm not.
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Oh, wait, am I?
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I am!
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Denial, I'm in denial.
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Yes!
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He's a weird little man.
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Okay, I call Eisen "Rich"
throughout the speech.
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Are we 100% sure he doesn't
sometimes go by "Dick"?
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00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:06,164
Oh, no, not the whiteboard.
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00:05:06,165 --> 00:05:09,768
Last time, he tried to
teach me about Congress.
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Thank you, Dani, for
helping me understand
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my current emotional state
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and showing me a path to recovery.
139
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The five stages of
grief were first defined
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by noted psychiatrist
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
141
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That chimp lady?
142
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I am clearly grieving the death
of my relationship with Emily.
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But the fact that I
can make that statement
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- _
- shows that I am through the first stage.
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So long, denial!
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- _
- I am no longer in you.
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So all I have to do is
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get through the next four steps
before tomorrow night's banquet,
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and I will be completely over Emily.
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I don't think it works that way.
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Maybe for chimps.
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But you're a human man.
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Oscar, you saw how I
was after my divorce.
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I was devastated for months
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because I couldn't let go of my grief.
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I can't go through that again.
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I've got to fast-forward
through the pain.
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I get that, but tomorrow
is awfully quick.
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Oh, I can do it, I
can master my emotions,
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00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:05,757
knock through the next
four stages in the next...
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26 hours and 13 minutes.
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Look out, stage two,
I am coming for you!
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Oh, no, not the whiteboard.
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Hey, Oscar, I slipped Eisen
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a copy of your speech last night.
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And?
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Ah, he hated it.
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What? All it was was ass-kissing!
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Well, that's the problem.
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He picked you because you're rivals.
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He wants it to be more like a roast.
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He wants me to roast him?
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Like the sun roasts his balding head?
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Yeah, and then he'll come
back at you with his own jabs.
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00:06:38,257 --> 00:06:40,492
Ooh, like how Oscar has
a face made for radio?
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Or how he smells like the
business end of a baby?
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00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:50,168
Or how he looks like he's
trick-or-treating as a hamper.
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00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:52,836
I don't like how quickly
you're coming up with these.
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I'm so angry!
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I gave her a year of my life
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and she chewed me up and spit me out!
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Why won't the universe let me find love?
183
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Why, why, why, why, why?
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This isn't working.
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We've been at it for nearly an hour.
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Eight minutes.
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00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,727
And yet I'm still angry.
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I think I know why.
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I think it's because my body knows
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that this isn't a real fight.
191
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So I'm going to need you
to fight me back, okay?
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Just give me everything
you've got, ready?
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00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,622
I'm not going to fight you, okay?
194
00:07:26,623 --> 00:07:28,327
You don't even know
how to defend yourself.
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00:07:29,008 --> 00:07:30,308
You might be surprised, huh?
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00:07:30,309 --> 00:07:32,110
Come on, come on, fight me, what?
197
00:07:32,111 --> 00:07:33,978
Or are you chicken?
Hmm? Who's a chicken?
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00:07:33,979 --> 00:07:37,081
I bet somebody wanted to
be a real boxer, right? Huh?
199
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,883
Not just a boxing teacher.
200
00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:40,852
And you know what they
say: those who can't do...
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Anger... stage... complete.
202
00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:02,130
"Rich Eisen is so bald,
203
00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,346
if you stare into his head,
you can see the future."
204
00:08:04,347 --> 00:08:06,822
"See the future."
205
00:08:06,823 --> 00:08:08,857
This is going to be
the best speech ever.
206
00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:11,093
He may actually cry.
207
00:08:11,094 --> 00:08:14,296
Man, Oscar, you are going after
this guy with both barrels.
208
00:08:14,297 --> 00:08:16,440
Well, it's bad enough that
he beats me in the ratings.
209
00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:18,058
Now he's getting a humanitarian award?
210
00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:19,501
I mean, people are going to think
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00:08:19,502 --> 00:08:21,835
he's a better person than
me, which is crazy, right?
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00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:26,441
Right?
213
00:08:26,442 --> 00:08:28,176
- Yeah, it's crazy. Crazy!
- Absolutely.
214
00:08:28,177 --> 00:08:31,079
I know Eisen asked for this,
but I still don't get why.
215
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,868
Why would you want to be insulted
216
00:08:32,869 --> 00:08:34,249
by your rival at your own event?
217
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,251
Because "He's so dumb,
he thinks Steph Curry
218
00:08:36,252 --> 00:08:39,620
is something you order
at an Indian restaurant."
219
00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:42,590
I'm still workshopping that one.
220
00:08:45,093 --> 00:08:47,529
Hello, daytime drinkers!
221
00:08:47,530 --> 00:08:49,698
Hello, Felix.
222
00:08:49,699 --> 00:08:51,966
Where are the rest
of the Village People?
223
00:08:54,103 --> 00:08:56,104
Well, having worked my way
through the anger stage,
224
00:08:56,105 --> 00:08:58,106
I am now in bargaining, and as such,
225
00:08:58,107 --> 00:08:59,808
I have made a deal with God
226
00:08:59,809 --> 00:09:02,811
that if I am a better
person, He will stop the pain.
227
00:09:02,812 --> 00:09:04,813
So I spent the entire
morning out on the Expressway
228
00:09:04,814 --> 00:09:05,814
picking up garbage,
229
00:09:05,815 --> 00:09:07,449
mostly bottles and cans,
230
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:08,917
and what I like to think
231
00:09:08,918 --> 00:09:12,720
was a very life-like
prosthetic human ear.
232
00:09:14,156 --> 00:09:16,258
Felix, I get the bargaining part,
233
00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:17,859
but I think God might have better things
234
00:09:17,883 --> 00:09:19,161
to do with His time.
235
00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:21,396
Like finding me a boyfriend.
236
00:09:21,397 --> 00:09:23,298
Or getting me a refill on my beer.
237
00:09:23,299 --> 00:09:24,565
Whoa!
238
00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:28,303
Now if you'll excuse
me, I'm off to play cello
239
00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:30,246
in the lobby of the Children's Hospital.
240
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,218
I will be performing
241
00:09:31,219 --> 00:09:32,974
Tchaikovsky's Symphony in b minor,
242
00:09:32,975 --> 00:09:36,778
but to keep it fun for the
kids, I'm doing it in C Major!
243
00:09:36,779 --> 00:09:39,513
You hear that, Big Guy?
244
00:09:43,318 --> 00:09:44,986
Felix?
245
00:09:44,987 --> 00:09:47,921
Hello, Oscar, my old friend.
246
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:51,326
You okay there?
247
00:09:51,327 --> 00:09:53,094
You got ice cream melting on the table.
248
00:09:53,095 --> 00:09:54,962
Who cares?
249
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,163
You guys were right,
I'm being ridiculous.
250
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,670
What's the point?
251
00:10:01,671 --> 00:10:03,104
Why am I trying to get over Emily?
252
00:10:03,105 --> 00:10:04,372
I never will.
253
00:10:04,373 --> 00:10:06,641
And I'll never find love again.
254
00:10:06,642 --> 00:10:10,811
I will always be alone.
255
00:10:12,013 --> 00:10:13,315
Felix.
256
00:10:13,316 --> 00:10:16,184
I know it seems rough right now, but...
257
00:10:18,654 --> 00:10:20,054
Done with depression.
258
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,584
_
259
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,153
I feel so much better.
260
00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:29,621
I can honestly say I'm at peace
261
00:10:29,622 --> 00:10:31,790
with the fact that Emily and
I broke up, which means...
262
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:35,260
Acceptance!
263
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:36,495
Five stages complete!
264
00:10:36,496 --> 00:10:37,796
And...
265
00:10:37,797 --> 00:10:39,606
With an hour to spare
before the banquet,
266
00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:41,471
which gives me time to
tighten up the old pores
267
00:10:41,472 --> 00:10:43,605
with an Umbrian clay mask.
268
00:10:45,737 --> 00:10:46,805
Oscar.
269
00:10:46,806 --> 00:10:48,774
I'm worried about Felix.
270
00:10:48,775 --> 00:10:50,642
That was real pain we just saw.
271
00:10:50,643 --> 00:10:51,576
I think he's losing it.
272
00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:53,979
You know who else is losing it?
273
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:54,980
Eisen.
274
00:10:54,981 --> 00:10:56,647
If "it" was hair.
275
00:10:58,750 --> 00:10:59,950
Write that down.
276
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:05,824
Hey, big guy, ready for your speech?
277
00:11:05,825 --> 00:11:08,260
As long as Eisen didn't get hair plugs
278
00:11:08,261 --> 00:11:10,661
or his momma didn't lose any weight.
279
00:11:12,698 --> 00:11:15,333
I am finally going to
get the last word in.
280
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:17,255
Felix, they sat you and
Emily next to each other.
281
00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:18,519
You going to be okay with that?
282
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:19,771
Oh, absolutely!
283
00:11:19,772 --> 00:11:21,506
I have successfully
moved our relationship
284
00:11:21,507 --> 00:11:22,674
into "the friend zone."
285
00:11:22,675 --> 00:11:24,209
Oh, good for you.
286
00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:25,913
I didn't think your
plan was going to work.
287
00:11:25,914 --> 00:11:28,181
Now I'm sorry I called you
"that looney-ass dingbat."
288
00:11:30,015 --> 00:11:32,150
Anyway, I'm just glad you're doing okay.
289
00:11:32,151 --> 00:11:34,534
Oh, thank you... I think it's
going to be a wonderful night.
290
00:11:34,535 --> 00:11:36,054
Oh, there she is!
291
00:11:36,055 --> 00:11:38,123
She looks nice, doesn't she?
292
00:11:38,124 --> 00:11:40,559
Tell me, was one of
the five stages nausea?
293
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:41,993
Hi, everybody.
294
00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:44,796
Hi, Felix.
295
00:11:44,797 --> 00:11:48,066
I know that things have been
a little bit weird between us,
296
00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:50,335
but I'm really glad that
we can be here as friends.
297
00:11:50,336 --> 00:11:52,304
Yes!
298
00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:53,537
Friends!
299
00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:57,476
♪ Keep smiling ♪
300
00:11:57,477 --> 00:11:59,211
♪ Keep shining ♪
301
00:11:59,212 --> 00:12:04,182
♪ Knowing you can always count on me ♪
302
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:06,251
♪ For sure ♪
303
00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:10,655
♪ That's what friends are for! ♪
304
00:12:10,656 --> 00:12:12,523
I am not okay.
305
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,081
I need to talk to you.
306
00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:30,383
So we're pretending you
didn't just chug my appletini?
307
00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:32,118
Okay.
308
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,142
I don't think that me being
here is good for Felix.
309
00:12:34,143 --> 00:12:36,377
I thought that since we
were such good friends
310
00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:38,122
- before we became...
- Don't say, "lovers."
311
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:39,529
...lovers...
312
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:41,498
that we could just go back
to the way things were.
313
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,433
But clearly he's not ready.
314
00:12:43,434 --> 00:12:44,434
Maybe I should just go.
315
00:12:44,435 --> 00:12:45,902
No, I know things are hard,
316
00:12:45,903 --> 00:12:47,303
but Felix is really struggling,
317
00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:49,305
and he worked really
hard to get this far.
318
00:12:49,306 --> 00:12:52,308
So if you bail now,
it'll just set him back.
319
00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:53,943
You're right.
320
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:55,978
Hang in there, okay?
321
00:12:59,215 --> 00:13:01,217
I'm going to need you
to pour the next one
322
00:13:01,218 --> 00:13:02,551
just right down my throat.
323
00:13:06,456 --> 00:13:07,490
Dani D!
324
00:13:07,491 --> 00:13:09,659
What do you want, Rich Eisen?
325
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,494
Just to say thank you for coming.
326
00:13:11,495 --> 00:13:13,351
By the way, the door's always open
327
00:13:13,352 --> 00:13:14,336
if you want to come work
328
00:13:14,337 --> 00:13:16,766
for the number-one
sports talk radio show.
329
00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:18,301
Not interested.
330
00:13:18,302 --> 00:13:20,125
Oscar might not have as
many listeners as you,
331
00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:21,905
but those who do listen love him.
332
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:27,509
I wonder if they'll still feel
the same way after tonight.
333
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:30,512
What you talkin' 'bout, Eisen?
334
00:13:33,249 --> 00:13:35,018
Mmm.
335
00:13:35,019 --> 00:13:36,519
The salad is delicious.
336
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,987
What are these, raisins?
337
00:13:37,988 --> 00:13:39,155
Cranberries.
338
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:39,923
Oh.
339
00:13:39,924 --> 00:13:42,759
Raisins!
340
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,660
They're red.
341
00:13:43,661 --> 00:13:46,196
Are you hearing this?
342
00:13:46,197 --> 00:13:48,131
What salad is she eating?
343
00:13:48,132 --> 00:13:50,333
You okay, Felix?
344
00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:52,635
Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine, I'm just...
345
00:13:52,636 --> 00:13:54,659
I guess maybe in racing
through my stages of grief,
346
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:57,160
I left a couple of drops of
anger in the old tank, but...
347
00:13:58,508 --> 00:13:59,476
Now I'm fine.
348
00:13:59,477 --> 00:14:02,378
My tank is empty.
349
00:14:02,379 --> 00:14:04,846
I'm an empty shell of a man.
350
00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:08,384
Whoo! Still a little bit
of depression in there, too.
351
00:14:08,385 --> 00:14:11,220
Know what? I'm fine, I'm
going to be just fine.
352
00:14:13,289 --> 00:14:16,558
Dinner and a show.
353
00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:19,963
Good evening.
354
00:14:19,964 --> 00:14:21,865
And thank you for joining us
355
00:14:21,866 --> 00:14:27,237
as we honor our Humanitarian
of the Year, Rich Eisen.
356
00:14:28,739 --> 00:14:31,841
It is now my pleasure
to introduce the man
357
00:14:31,842 --> 00:14:34,043
who will introduce "the man"...
358
00:14:34,044 --> 00:14:35,879
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
359
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,480
You can't give your insult speech!
360
00:14:37,481 --> 00:14:38,381
It's a trap!
361
00:14:38,382 --> 00:14:39,282
What do you mean?!
362
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:40,603
Eisen made a weird comment to me,
363
00:14:40,604 --> 00:14:41,908
so I snuck a look at his speech.
364
00:14:41,909 --> 00:14:43,286
He's not going to insult you,
365
00:14:43,287 --> 00:14:45,288
he's going to say
glowing things about you!
366
00:14:45,289 --> 00:14:47,123
It's a setup!
367
00:14:47,124 --> 00:14:49,092
He's taking the high road!
368
00:14:49,093 --> 00:14:51,027
He asks you to say mean stuff about him,
369
00:14:51,028 --> 00:14:53,363
and then he gets up there
and turns the other cheek.
370
00:14:53,364 --> 00:14:55,498
He comes off smelling
like a rose to the bosses,
371
00:14:55,499 --> 00:14:57,634
while you smell like what
you fertilize a rose with.
372
00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,370
He's a diabolical genius.
373
00:15:00,371 --> 00:15:02,510
What do I do? What do I do?
374
00:15:02,511 --> 00:15:05,909
Ladies and gentlemen, Oscar Madison!
375
00:15:13,249 --> 00:15:18,421
I would like to say a few
words about Rich Eisen.
376
00:15:18,422 --> 00:15:20,690
Can't say that.
377
00:15:20,691 --> 00:15:21,890
Not that.
378
00:15:24,395 --> 00:15:25,594
Not that.
379
00:15:27,263 --> 00:15:28,965
Rich Eisen...
380
00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:30,866
is a man...
381
00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:35,205
who does things...
382
00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:36,638
A good man, who does good things.
383
00:15:38,508 --> 00:15:41,711
Maybe it's better if
I speak from the heart.
384
00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:44,581
Rich is my friend.
385
00:15:44,582 --> 00:15:49,052
And a better man you will never see.
386
00:15:49,053 --> 00:15:50,220
Oh...
387
00:15:50,221 --> 00:15:52,388
I'm going to need two seconds.
388
00:15:52,389 --> 00:15:55,491
I'll be damned.
389
00:15:55,492 --> 00:15:59,062
Oscar's going to out-high-road
that son of a bitch.
390
00:15:59,063 --> 00:16:01,931
Did he make me a better
broadcaster? Sure.
391
00:16:01,932 --> 00:16:03,733
But he also...
392
00:16:05,236 --> 00:16:07,670
...made me a better man.
393
00:16:07,671 --> 00:16:09,572
He inspires me every day...
394
00:16:09,573 --> 00:16:12,909
Wow, I've never seen Oscar so emotional.
395
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,493
What, a man can't express his feelings?
396
00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:17,061
We have hearts, you know,
broken and otherwise.
397
00:16:19,315 --> 00:16:22,018
Felix, this is hard for me, too.
398
00:16:22,019 --> 00:16:23,519
If you're not ready to be friends,
399
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,921
we don't have to rush into it.
400
00:16:24,922 --> 00:16:26,289
No, no, I'm good.
401
00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:28,024
I just have other friends,
402
00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:31,594
and I'm trying to watch
one of them speak right now.
403
00:16:31,595 --> 00:16:33,997
And that's why not a day goes by
404
00:16:33,998 --> 00:16:37,800
where I don't ask myself,
"What would Rich Eisen do?"
405
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:40,503
Ladies and gentlemen,
406
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:43,973
please welcome my hero,
407
00:16:43,974 --> 00:16:47,277
my guiding light,
408
00:16:47,278 --> 00:16:48,278
Rich Eisen.
409
00:16:55,719 --> 00:16:57,353
You son of a bitch.
410
00:16:57,354 --> 00:16:59,522
You out-high-roaded me.
411
00:16:59,523 --> 00:17:01,024
Damn right.
412
00:17:01,025 --> 00:17:02,859
Hurts to be the loser for once, huh?
413
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:05,861
Yeah, well, watch this.
414
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:09,999
Thank you.
415
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,902
But I simply cannot accept this
416
00:17:12,903 --> 00:17:17,006
while standing so close to someone
417
00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:22,078
whose dedication to the
betterment of his fellow man
418
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:24,981
so, so far outstrips mine.
419
00:17:24,982 --> 00:17:28,884
This plaque belongs to Oscar Madison!
420
00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:36,759
Well, I just found that so inspirational
421
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,795
that, um...
422
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:42,531
I'm going to donate $1,000 to...
423
00:17:45,702 --> 00:17:49,706
whatever charity this is,
424
00:17:49,707 --> 00:17:53,008
in the name of Rich Eisen.
425
00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:55,578
A thousand dollars?
426
00:17:55,579 --> 00:17:56,946
I'm going to have to book him
427
00:17:56,947 --> 00:18:00,081
on a hundred personal appearances.
428
00:18:01,684 --> 00:18:03,786
Are you finished, sir?
429
00:18:03,787 --> 00:18:05,088
No.
430
00:18:05,089 --> 00:18:06,155
No!
431
00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:07,457
I'm not finished.
432
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,659
I'm tired of other people deciding
433
00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:11,023
when I'm finished with something.
434
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,643
- Felix...
- No!
435
00:18:13,731 --> 00:18:15,298
I was enjoying this lobster!
436
00:18:15,299 --> 00:18:17,800
I maybe even loved this lobster!
437
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,435
We belong together, and no
one can take it away from me!
438
00:18:24,607 --> 00:18:27,310
Damn, why'd I order the chicken?
439
00:18:27,311 --> 00:18:31,614
And that's why I vow to set up
a fund in Oscar Madison's name
440
00:18:31,615 --> 00:18:33,549
to end the plight of homelessness
441
00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:35,651
once and for all.
442
00:18:36,987 --> 00:18:39,120
Anything?
443
00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:42,058
You win.
444
00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:44,627
I win!
445
00:18:44,628 --> 00:18:46,095
You know...
446
00:18:46,096 --> 00:18:47,662
For the homeless.
447
00:18:51,134 --> 00:18:52,902
Felix?
448
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:56,506
You want to hand me the lobster?
449
00:18:56,507 --> 00:18:59,809
That's it, nice and slow...
450
00:19:01,845 --> 00:19:03,188
I don't know what I was thinking.
451
00:19:03,189 --> 00:19:04,247
I'm such a fool.
452
00:19:04,248 --> 00:19:05,848
No, you were just trying to take
453
00:19:05,849 --> 00:19:07,984
a shortcut through your pain.
454
00:19:07,985 --> 00:19:09,352
I mean, I wish you could,
455
00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:12,422
but it doesn't work that way.
456
00:19:12,423 --> 00:19:15,558
You got your heart broken,
it's going to take some time.
457
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:17,560
You're right.
458
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:20,163
And listen, I'm sorry.
459
00:19:20,164 --> 00:19:21,130
For what?
460
00:19:21,131 --> 00:19:22,865
I saw you were struggling,
461
00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:25,001
but I got so caught
up in the Eisen thing
462
00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:26,436
that I didn't help you.
463
00:19:26,437 --> 00:19:30,039
So for however long it takes,
464
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,707
I am going to get you through this.
465
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,143
Thank you, Oscar.
466
00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,807
Rich Eisen may have
won the award tonight,
467
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,447
but you are the true humanitarian.
468
00:19:37,448 --> 00:19:41,384
I am a good man.
469
00:19:41,385 --> 00:19:43,004
Who does good things!
470
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,489
Isn't that Eisen's coat and scarf?
471
00:19:46,490 --> 00:19:48,090
Yeah, a scarf!
472
00:19:48,091 --> 00:19:49,959
I mean, he's the worst.
473
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,662
Do you think he'd like to take
the rest of my lobster home?
474
00:19:52,663 --> 00:19:53,662
What do you...
475
00:19:54,697 --> 00:19:57,132
Maybe he would.
476
00:20:03,773 --> 00:20:06,709
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
477
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,144
♪ Keep smiling ♪
478
00:20:08,145 --> 00:20:09,846
♪ Keep shining ♪
479
00:20:09,847 --> 00:20:13,250
♪ Knowing you can
always count on me... ♪
480
00:20:18,365 --> 00:20:21,970
Hey, thanks again for
watching Beaches with me.
481
00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:26,019
No problem... and by the
way, at the end there,
482
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:29,188
there was just some... dust in my eye.
483
00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:32,259
Sure.
484
00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:33,926
There's dust in our apartment.
485
00:20:35,795 --> 00:20:41,368
So, Felix, I hesitate to
ask, it's totally up to you.
486
00:20:41,369 --> 00:20:42,769
Are you finished with that?
487
00:20:44,505 --> 00:20:48,208
- Yes, yes, I'm sure.
- Oh, thank you.
488
00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:54,614
So what's next, Terms of Endearment?
489
00:20:54,615 --> 00:20:56,783
No.
490
00:20:56,784 --> 00:20:58,718
Next is The Notebook.
491
00:20:58,719 --> 00:21:01,420
Then Terms of Endearment,
then Beaches again.
492
00:21:02,822 --> 00:21:05,158
Why do we have to go back to that one?
493
00:21:05,159 --> 00:21:07,926
We already know what
happens in that one.
494
00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:17,271
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