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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,534 --> 00:00:04,136 Before we sign off, I want to send 2 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:06,726 good wishes to Mets pitcher Matt Harvey, 3 00:00:06,727 --> 00:00:08,650 out for the season with a bad shoulder. 4 00:00:08,651 --> 00:00:11,152 Been there, buddy... it's painful. 5 00:00:11,153 --> 00:00:14,021 Oscar, you sprained yours buttering a pancake. 6 00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:16,223 That butter was right out of the fridge. 7 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,757 It was like a brick! 8 00:00:19,493 --> 00:00:21,529 All right, that's our show. I'm Oscar Madison. 9 00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:24,430 And I'm Dani D, your lady-o on the radio. 10 00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:26,933 Sounded so cute in the shower. 11 00:00:27,835 --> 00:00:29,503 What a show! 12 00:00:29,504 --> 00:00:31,647 I wish I could go back in time and listen to it again. 13 00:00:31,648 --> 00:00:33,174 Well, they replay it at 5:00. 14 00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:34,595 Yeah, one of my kids has a thing. 15 00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:37,044 So, who's your favorite agent? 16 00:00:37,045 --> 00:00:38,268 Ooh, you're my favorite agent. 17 00:00:38,269 --> 00:00:40,181 What did I win? 18 00:00:40,182 --> 00:00:42,383 Well, I've been talking to the executives about you, 19 00:00:42,384 --> 00:00:44,705 and they know that you're more than just Oscar's assistant. 20 00:00:44,706 --> 00:00:46,474 You're on the air, you're screening calls, 21 00:00:46,475 --> 00:00:48,789 and they think it's time for you to be rewarded. 22 00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:51,058 Am I getting a cookie cake? 23 00:00:51,059 --> 00:00:52,760 No! 24 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,242 They decided to make you the producer 25 00:00:54,243 --> 00:00:55,343 of the Oscar Madison Show! 26 00:00:55,344 --> 00:00:57,631 Oh, Teddy! 27 00:00:57,632 --> 00:00:59,266 Hold the phone. 28 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,968 There will be no cake? 29 00:01:00,969 --> 00:01:02,903 Oscar, did you know about this? 30 00:01:02,904 --> 00:01:04,238 Yeah, Teddy gave me the heads-up. 31 00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:05,072 Congratulations. 32 00:01:05,073 --> 00:01:06,140 Oh, thank you. 33 00:01:06,141 --> 00:01:08,042 Ah, that's my buttering arm! 34 00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,044 You're going to have more responsibilities... 35 00:01:10,045 --> 00:01:12,046 booking guests, dealing with the sponsors... 36 00:01:12,047 --> 00:01:13,714 Oh, I've got to call my family. 37 00:01:13,715 --> 00:01:15,416 My mom is going to be so proud, 38 00:01:15,417 --> 00:01:17,218 and my sister's going to be so jealous. 39 00:01:17,219 --> 00:01:18,484 Suck it, Denise! 40 00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:23,285 Oh, shoot, I should have asked Dani for some coffee. 41 00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:24,625 Dani! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 42 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,993 She's not an assistant anymore. 43 00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:27,294 She's a producer. 44 00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,263 Well, that's just a title, right? 45 00:01:29,264 --> 00:01:31,265 I don't have to do my own stuff now, do I? 46 00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:34,168 I don't know how to cook coffee. 47 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:36,070 There's money in the budget 48 00:01:36,071 --> 00:01:37,838 to hire a new assistant for both of you. 49 00:01:37,839 --> 00:01:39,782 I don't want a new assistant... Dani was perfect. 50 00:01:39,783 --> 00:01:41,775 Quit being a baby... Dani's earned this. 51 00:01:41,776 --> 00:01:43,277 I mean, she put up with your nonsense 52 00:01:43,278 --> 00:01:44,781 and managed to stay sweet and humble. 53 00:01:44,782 --> 00:01:46,413 And another thing, Denise. 54 00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:48,682 You remember in '87 when you called me Dani the Dummy? 55 00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:51,417 Uh-huh, who's the dummy now? 56 00:01:53,177 --> 00:01:56,723 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.MY-SUBS.com. 57 00:01:56,793 --> 00:01:58,524 We've got a lot of applicants. 58 00:01:58,525 --> 00:02:01,027 Gwyneth Paltrow wants to be our assistant? 59 00:02:01,028 --> 00:02:03,362 That's People magazine. 60 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,201 Guess who just bought three new dresses? 61 00:02:08,202 --> 00:02:10,403 This should be easier. 62 00:02:13,222 --> 00:02:15,324 It's so cute you go shopping together. 63 00:02:15,325 --> 00:02:17,059 I told him he didn't have to come. 64 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,161 Oh, I wanted to. 65 00:02:19,162 --> 00:02:21,664 Someone thinks overalls are still in fashion. 66 00:02:21,665 --> 00:02:23,599 I'm going to grab a glass of water. 67 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,035 Okay, hurry back, love. 68 00:02:26,036 --> 00:02:27,703 Oh, my God, did you see that? 69 00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,171 See what? 70 00:02:29,172 --> 00:02:31,407 Emily... she's so distant and out of sorts. 71 00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:32,678 When she came back from London, 72 00:02:32,679 --> 00:02:34,702 I thought we would fall right back into our groove. 73 00:02:34,703 --> 00:02:36,178 But no, no... something is off. 74 00:02:36,179 --> 00:02:37,646 She seems fine to me. 75 00:02:37,647 --> 00:02:39,849 I actually decided to make some tea. 76 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:40,850 Does anybody want some? 77 00:02:40,851 --> 00:02:42,217 - None for me, thanks. - Oh. 78 00:02:43,686 --> 00:02:45,353 You had to see it that time! 79 00:02:47,223 --> 00:02:49,625 Well, I know what will jolt her out of her malaise... 80 00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:53,295 a patented night of Felix Unger romantic enchantment. 81 00:02:54,531 --> 00:02:55,834 Ooh, that's our first applicant. 82 00:02:55,835 --> 00:02:56,799 It's so exciting. 83 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,300 Can't we just use this guy? 84 00:02:58,301 --> 00:03:00,603 His resume is long, and he's bilingual. 85 00:03:00,604 --> 00:03:03,571 That's a takeout menu for a Thai restaurant. 86 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:08,443 And that's why I thought I'd go into assistanting. 87 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,048 Fascinating, Amber. 88 00:03:13,049 --> 00:03:14,583 I see you started as a dancer. 89 00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:16,051 Do you have a specialty? 90 00:03:16,052 --> 00:03:18,654 Modern, jazz... 91 00:03:18,655 --> 00:03:21,257 pole? 92 00:03:21,258 --> 00:03:23,325 This is such a thrill, Mr. Madison. 93 00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:25,628 I'm your number one fan. You're a legend. 94 00:03:25,629 --> 00:03:28,263 I'm only one man, Jared. 95 00:03:29,732 --> 00:03:32,735 I've taped every episode, I write an Oscar Madison blog, 96 00:03:32,736 --> 00:03:34,435 oh, and check out my tattoo! 97 00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:41,009 Look, Oscar... his nipples are your eyes. 98 00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:45,781 So I think the hallmark of being a good assistant 99 00:03:45,782 --> 00:03:48,484 is keeping things running smoothly in the background, 100 00:03:48,485 --> 00:03:51,287 so my employer can shine in the spotlight. 101 00:03:51,288 --> 00:03:52,521 Very impressive, Margaret. 102 00:03:52,522 --> 00:03:54,190 What do you think, Oscar? 103 00:03:54,191 --> 00:03:55,791 I think the authorities should check out 104 00:03:55,815 --> 00:03:57,860 Jared's blog. 105 00:03:57,861 --> 00:04:01,297 He's got pictures of me from my last vacation. 106 00:04:01,298 --> 00:04:03,631 Pictures I didn't take. 107 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,669 Thank you, Margaret... we will be in touch. 108 00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:08,971 It was lovely to meet you both. 109 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:10,872 Here's one of me snorkeling. 110 00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:13,676 From underneath! 111 00:04:13,677 --> 00:04:15,744 Oscar, Margaret was great. 112 00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:17,213 Why didn't you like her? 113 00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:20,182 I don't know... she had kind of a weird speech impediment. 114 00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:22,351 She's British! 115 00:04:22,352 --> 00:04:24,987 All right, let's just see more applicants. 116 00:04:24,988 --> 00:04:26,655 No, no, no. 117 00:04:26,656 --> 00:04:29,017 I know in my gut that Margaret is the right one for the job. 118 00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:30,521 And if I'm going to be your producer, 119 00:04:30,522 --> 00:04:32,461 you have to trust me to make decisions. 120 00:04:32,462 --> 00:04:34,029 Fine, it's your call. 121 00:04:34,030 --> 00:04:35,664 I hope you know what you're doing. 122 00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,333 This is your first big decision. 123 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:38,334 You won't regret it. 124 00:04:38,335 --> 00:04:39,835 I better not. 125 00:04:39,836 --> 00:04:42,096 Because I think we saw a lot of good people here today. 126 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,476 You don't have to pay me. 127 00:04:47,477 --> 00:04:48,978 In fact, I could pay you. 128 00:04:48,979 --> 00:04:51,045 In backrubs. 129 00:04:56,151 --> 00:04:58,387 Everything all right? 130 00:04:58,388 --> 00:04:59,922 Are you enjoying your Linguini served 131 00:04:59,923 --> 00:05:01,190 "Unger" the moonlight? 132 00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,728 But you really didn't have to go to all this trouble... 133 00:05:05,729 --> 00:05:10,431 making dinner, picking out my outfit, trimming my hair. 134 00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:13,602 You think this is impressive? 135 00:05:13,603 --> 00:05:14,670 What? 136 00:05:14,671 --> 00:05:16,272 What's happening? 137 00:05:16,273 --> 00:05:18,173 Take a look at the building across the street. 138 00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:22,778 In three, two, one... 139 00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:25,581 And now. 140 00:05:25,582 --> 00:05:27,549 Oh, my God. 141 00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:31,252 The lights in the windows spell out "I love Emil"" 142 00:05:33,222 --> 00:05:34,590 Damn it! 143 00:05:34,591 --> 00:05:38,560 I knew those "Y" bastards were going to screw me over. 144 00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:41,897 This did not happen at the 4:00 or 6:00 rehearsals. 145 00:05:41,898 --> 00:05:44,632 Well, it's still nice. 146 00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,303 Nice. 147 00:05:47,304 --> 00:05:50,272 I was hoping for a slightly more amorous reaction. 148 00:05:50,273 --> 00:05:51,807 In fact, I kind of promised one 149 00:05:51,808 --> 00:05:54,308 to the creepy guy in the middle of the E. 150 00:05:56,278 --> 00:05:58,113 I'm sorry. 151 00:05:58,114 --> 00:06:00,115 I guess I've just 152 00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:03,085 been in a bit of a funk lately. 153 00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:05,421 A funk... I knew it! 154 00:06:05,422 --> 00:06:07,156 And you know how I feel about funk... 155 00:06:07,157 --> 00:06:08,490 I don't like it as a smell, 156 00:06:08,491 --> 00:06:10,792 as a musical genre, or an emotional state. 157 00:06:12,928 --> 00:06:14,797 How can I help? 158 00:06:14,798 --> 00:06:16,432 There's nothing that you can do. 159 00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:19,567 I think that I just... 160 00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:21,603 What? 161 00:06:21,604 --> 00:06:24,506 You can tell me anything. 162 00:06:24,507 --> 00:06:27,176 I think I just miss England. 163 00:06:27,177 --> 00:06:29,244 I mean, for three months every day it was 164 00:06:29,245 --> 00:06:31,080 one new adventure after another. 165 00:06:31,081 --> 00:06:32,348 I would... I'd wake up, 166 00:06:32,349 --> 00:06:33,849 I'd walk to a different part of town, 167 00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:35,150 I'd find some cool little pub, 168 00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:36,418 I'd play a game of darts. 169 00:06:36,419 --> 00:06:38,253 - That sounds wonderful. - It was. 170 00:06:38,254 --> 00:06:41,423 But the farther away that it gets for me, 171 00:06:41,424 --> 00:06:44,159 the more it feels like it was just a dream. 172 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,861 Some places just stay with you. 173 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:47,285 I feel like that every time I leave 174 00:06:47,286 --> 00:06:49,085 The Container Store. 175 00:06:52,334 --> 00:06:54,169 I'll be okay, Felix. 176 00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:56,338 And thank you again for tonight. 177 00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:58,941 But I think what I need right now 178 00:06:58,942 --> 00:07:01,543 is just some time to figure things out. 179 00:07:01,544 --> 00:07:02,878 Absolutely. 180 00:07:02,879 --> 00:07:04,302 How much time are we talking about? 181 00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:05,602 I don't know. 182 00:07:06,615 --> 00:07:07,883 It's already been a month. 183 00:07:07,884 --> 00:07:08,725 So are we talking, like, another month? 184 00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:10,390 Because then we're in the holidays, and... 185 00:07:10,391 --> 00:07:12,336 I said I don't know! 186 00:07:12,389 --> 00:07:14,556 I'm sorry. 187 00:07:14,557 --> 00:07:16,859 I think I'm just tired. 188 00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:18,392 I'm going to call it a night. 189 00:07:23,365 --> 00:07:24,800 Are you guys done with dinner? 190 00:07:24,801 --> 00:07:27,034 Or can I fight the pigeons for it? 191 00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:38,376 Seriously? 192 00:07:38,377 --> 00:07:39,675 That is fantastic. 193 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,019 Tell him if he has any questions, 194 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,612 he can call producer Dani Duncan. 195 00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:45,681 Do you say that every time? 196 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,682 No. 197 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:47,950 Sometimes I sing it. 198 00:07:47,951 --> 00:07:50,119 ♪ Produ... ♪ 199 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,554 ♪ Stop. ♪ 200 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,391 So guess who I landed for my very first booking? 201 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:59,060 Hint... it's two-time NBA champ Chris Bosh! 202 00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,431 - Seriously? - Uh-huh. 203 00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,099 Dani, that's great... that's a real coup. 204 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,803 I know... some may call it a "Slam Duncan." 205 00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:08,804 Some. 206 00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:10,138 Not me. 207 00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:14,109 Good morning, Ms. Duncan. 208 00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:15,529 I have Mr. Madison's coffee. 209 00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:16,145 Oh, thank you. 210 00:08:16,146 --> 00:08:17,379 Two shots, one sugar, right? 211 00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,414 Oh, poo. 212 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,715 I got one shot, two sugars. 213 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,216 Oh, well, no worries. 214 00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:23,080 You just go downstairs and get him another one. 215 00:08:23,081 --> 00:08:24,219 Can I grab a snack first? 216 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:26,429 I need something to eat every two hours. 217 00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:28,173 Yeah, but Oscar's show starts in 20 minutes. 218 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,208 Oh, no, they think it's a tapeworm. 219 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,110 Okay, fine. 220 00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:35,192 It's your first day, so I'll go back down and get it. 221 00:08:35,193 --> 00:08:37,056 But tomorrow, I'm going to need you to step up. 222 00:08:37,057 --> 00:08:38,300 Oh, of course. 223 00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:39,601 Not literally, right? 224 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,436 Because steps aggravate my knee rot. 225 00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:47,076 Where are you going? 226 00:08:47,077 --> 00:08:48,077 Is that my coffee? 227 00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:49,277 No... I'll be right back. 228 00:08:52,614 --> 00:08:54,249 Hey, Felix. 229 00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:55,850 Nice rack. 230 00:08:57,753 --> 00:09:00,756 Courtesy chuckle, ha ha, moving on. 231 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,825 I had a genius idea. 232 00:09:02,826 --> 00:09:06,428 Emily misses London, so I am going to bring London to her. 233 00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:07,930 Where did you get all this stuff? 234 00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,665 I am the wardrobe master 235 00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,433 of my Gilbert and Sullivan Society. 236 00:09:11,434 --> 00:09:12,868 I'll never forget 237 00:09:12,869 --> 00:09:14,336 my debut in The Mikado. 238 00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:16,370 I made an incredible Nanki-Poo. 239 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,943 Why, were you nervous? 240 00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,712 I plan to surround Emily with reminders 241 00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:25,314 of her days across the pond. 242 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,782 Perhaps she'll meet a London bobby, hmm? 243 00:09:29,518 --> 00:09:32,320 Or a right cheeky chimney sweep. 244 00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:34,189 Felix, 245 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,859 when a woman has a problem, 246 00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:39,294 just listen... don't try to solve it. 247 00:09:39,295 --> 00:09:41,363 Sometimes the sexiest part of a man 248 00:09:41,364 --> 00:09:43,064 is his ear. 249 00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:47,034 Charlotte left a Cosmo in my bathroom. 250 00:09:48,837 --> 00:09:51,206 I don't know, Oscar... I mean, I have to do something. 251 00:09:51,207 --> 00:09:52,674 I can feel her pulling away. 252 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,143 Well, just give her some space. 253 00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:55,577 Maybe she'll sort out her issues 254 00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:57,161 and you two will be stronger than ever. 255 00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:58,514 Worked for Charlotte and me. 256 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,549 Backing off isn't exactly my thing. 257 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,584 Well, that's all I've got. 258 00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:04,686 Unless you want Cosmo's top ten exercises 259 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,554 for a bun-tastic summer. 260 00:10:07,489 --> 00:10:08,490 You want that? 261 00:10:08,491 --> 00:10:09,824 I do. Okay, I'll go get it. 262 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,697 Look, I'll find the money. 263 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,766 Just please don't shut off my service. 264 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,002 I won't survive the winter without it. 265 00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,202 Thank you. 266 00:10:22,504 --> 00:10:24,038 Netflix. 267 00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:28,510 Say, Margaret? 268 00:10:28,511 --> 00:10:30,245 Quick take this stuff for Oscar. 269 00:10:30,246 --> 00:10:32,179 Yep, yeah, it's okay, it's okay, 270 00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:34,616 Wow... dry-cleaning, groceries, 271 00:10:34,617 --> 00:10:36,285 and coffee, all before noon? 272 00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:39,221 Your wish is my command. 273 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,423 Do you think you have enough energy to make me lunch? 274 00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:43,392 I'm in the mood for something healthy. 275 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,593 How about a hoagie? 276 00:10:44,594 --> 00:10:46,728 I'll get straight on it, sir. 277 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,430 "Straight on it." 278 00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:50,197 It's like "right away," but special-er. 279 00:10:54,536 --> 00:10:56,305 What exactly is a hoagie? 280 00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:57,873 I'll do it. 281 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,977 This is Dani. 282 00:11:01,978 --> 00:11:03,378 Oh, hi. 283 00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:05,247 What time do we want Chris Bosh? 284 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,716 Let me think about it. 285 00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:12,888 Noah! 286 00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:15,757 I told you to crouch in the pantry until Grammy Margaret 287 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,293 gave you the all clear. 288 00:11:18,294 --> 00:11:20,062 You brought your grandson to work? 289 00:11:20,063 --> 00:11:22,564 Well, I couldn't very well leave him on his own. 290 00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:24,231 He's a bit of a firebug. 291 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,302 I am sorry for the screaming. 292 00:11:27,303 --> 00:11:29,738 I'm just so thrilled that he's coming to do the show. 293 00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,840 Oh, step away from the stove, you devil child! 294 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,242 No! 295 00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:35,177 No, not you, you sound lovely. 296 00:11:35,178 --> 00:11:36,445 You know what? 297 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,813 Can I just call you right back? 298 00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:41,650 Um, Margaret, this is is not working. 299 00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:43,185 Are you letting me go? 300 00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:45,020 No, I can't fire you. 301 00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:47,822 Fire. 302 00:11:50,759 --> 00:11:52,427 I went out on a limb for you. 303 00:11:52,428 --> 00:11:54,491 I need to show Oscar that I made the right decision. 304 00:11:54,492 --> 00:11:57,199 So I am stuck with you. 305 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,635 So could you please just, I don't know, focus, 306 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,638 and learn how to make this damn sandwich? 307 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,641 Did you hear that, Noah? 308 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,442 They can't fire Grammy this time. 309 00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:09,777 Fire. 310 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:12,848 Mmm-mmm. 311 00:12:12,849 --> 00:12:14,783 Mmm! 312 00:12:14,784 --> 00:12:16,167 How's that sandwich coming? 313 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,435 Oh, it's bloomin' lovely! 314 00:12:22,357 --> 00:12:23,992 Almost there. 315 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,295 Don't you find it alarming that a man can drag 316 00:12:26,296 --> 00:12:28,319 a blindfolded woman through the streets of New York 317 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,854 and no one stops to help? 318 00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:34,535 Ta-da! 319 00:12:36,004 --> 00:12:36,905 Oh. 320 00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:39,341 An English pub. 321 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,976 Because I told you that I missed England. 322 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,578 Yes, and I heard what you were saying. 323 00:12:42,579 --> 00:12:44,580 Really? Because I also said... 324 00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:48,717 And that is why I have planned an entire day 325 00:12:48,718 --> 00:12:50,652 of British surprises. 326 00:12:50,653 --> 00:12:52,754 You know, the great thing about a pub 327 00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:55,222 is that you never know who you're going to meet. 328 00:12:56,091 --> 00:12:58,025 Who you're going to meet! 329 00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,377 Flowers for sale! 330 00:13:00,378 --> 00:13:01,496 'Allo. 331 00:13:01,497 --> 00:13:04,266 Pretty as a daisy, you are. 332 00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,234 Oh, look. 333 00:13:06,235 --> 00:13:07,903 You've hired your friends to dress up as 334 00:13:07,904 --> 00:13:09,370 English stereotypes. 335 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,208 That no longer exist. 336 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,910 Isn't it whimsical? 337 00:13:14,911 --> 00:13:16,078 Can I get your largest glass 338 00:13:16,079 --> 00:13:18,614 of alcohol, please? 339 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:20,248 Is something wrong? 340 00:13:20,249 --> 00:13:22,117 Well, yes. 341 00:13:22,118 --> 00:13:25,420 I mean, I said that I needed some space, 342 00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:27,422 and then all of this. 343 00:13:27,423 --> 00:13:30,058 I'm not really sure how much clearer I could have been. 344 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,093 Aha! 345 00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:33,562 I think I have a clue. 346 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,597 Glad someone does. 347 00:13:35,598 --> 00:13:37,866 Actually, Sherlock, could you give us a minute? 348 00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:40,769 Ooh, am I detecting some trouble in paradise? 349 00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:42,636 Seriously, Derek, walk away! 350 00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:46,241 I'm sorry, I'm off to a bad start here. 351 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,610 Maybe I should skip ahead to the big surprise. 352 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:49,977 There's more? 353 00:13:56,818 --> 00:13:58,487 Two tickets to England. 354 00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:00,722 We leave tomorrow! 355 00:14:00,723 --> 00:14:02,964 I cleared your work schedule, I already packed your bags, 356 00:14:02,965 --> 00:14:05,188 and I have booked us a private tour of the crown jewels. 357 00:14:05,189 --> 00:14:07,629 Felix, stop trying to fix everything. 358 00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:09,097 This isn't about you. 359 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,399 'Allo. 360 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,334 Pint for the lady. Oh, my God! 361 00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:14,670 Enough with the ridiculous accent 362 00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:16,771 and the stupid fake teeth! 363 00:14:19,007 --> 00:14:20,841 This is Donna, she works here. 364 00:14:24,179 --> 00:14:25,646 Thank you, Donna. 365 00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,759 And that's how I found myself 366 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,928 in a holding cell with Olympic gymnast Cathy Rigby. 367 00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:49,664 Which brings us to the end 368 00:14:49,665 --> 00:14:51,608 of "Killing Time Because Chris Bosh is Not Here." 369 00:14:51,609 --> 00:14:53,509 Tune in tomorrow. 370 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,104 I'm sorry, Oscar. 371 00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:57,966 I was supposed to call to confirm the time, 372 00:14:57,967 --> 00:14:59,243 but I got distracted. 373 00:14:59,244 --> 00:15:00,212 By what? 374 00:15:00,213 --> 00:15:01,837 You should have all the time in the world 375 00:15:01,838 --> 00:15:03,780 now that Margaret's doing everything around here. 376 00:15:03,781 --> 00:15:05,515 Okay. 377 00:15:05,516 --> 00:15:09,186 You can't slack off just because of fancy title. 378 00:15:09,187 --> 00:15:10,654 Mmm-hmm. 379 00:15:10,655 --> 00:15:11,942 Hey, you know what? 380 00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:14,384 You should have Margaret help you with bookings for the show. 381 00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:15,626 Got it. 382 00:15:15,627 --> 00:15:17,694 And be sure to get her hoagie recipe. 383 00:15:17,695 --> 00:15:19,830 She's not a good assistant! 384 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,931 She's very bad, possibly evil. 385 00:15:22,966 --> 00:15:25,135 Oh, Dani. 386 00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:28,104 Is someone jealous that her replacement is doing so well? 387 00:15:31,308 --> 00:15:34,678 Margaret, do you have Oscar's post-show coffee? 388 00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:36,480 Here you go, sir. 389 00:15:36,481 --> 00:15:38,181 Two shots, one sugar. 390 00:15:38,182 --> 00:15:40,182 Ah, just the way I like it. 391 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,221 Ah. 392 00:15:44,222 --> 00:15:45,988 This is mushroom soup. 393 00:15:47,691 --> 00:15:49,226 Oh, fiddlesticks. 394 00:15:49,227 --> 00:15:50,494 That's where my lunch went. 395 00:15:50,495 --> 00:15:51,628 Ah. 396 00:15:51,629 --> 00:15:53,130 Okay, bye-bye, Margaret. 397 00:15:53,131 --> 00:15:55,231 Yeah, just go right straight through there. 398 00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,370 I don't understand... everything else got done. 399 00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:02,973 I know, because I was doing it. 400 00:16:02,974 --> 00:16:04,508 Why didn't you just fire her? 401 00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:06,750 Because I didn't want you to know how badly I screwed up, 402 00:16:06,751 --> 00:16:08,294 because then you would know the truth. 403 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:08,845 Which is? 404 00:16:08,846 --> 00:16:10,514 That I don't deserve this job. 405 00:16:10,515 --> 00:16:12,482 I don't know what you guys were thinking, 406 00:16:12,483 --> 00:16:15,218 but I'm obviously not producer material. 407 00:16:15,219 --> 00:16:17,321 You might as well make me an assistant again. 408 00:16:17,322 --> 00:16:20,757 Well, Dani, I thought you could handle anything. 409 00:16:20,758 --> 00:16:22,892 Guess I was wrong. 410 00:16:23,727 --> 00:16:25,661 Wait, what? 411 00:16:28,398 --> 00:16:29,933 What are you talking about? 412 00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,069 Well, first you messed up by hiring Margaret. 413 00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:33,370 Then you couldn't fire her. 414 00:16:33,371 --> 00:16:34,671 But that's okay, 415 00:16:34,672 --> 00:16:37,074 Not everyone's cut out to be a boss. 416 00:16:37,075 --> 00:16:39,109 I guess not. 417 00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:41,244 Sure, you're sweet and you're good at doing errands. 418 00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:45,182 But sometimes a producer has to make the tough calls. 419 00:16:45,183 --> 00:16:47,850 And maybe that's just not your thing. 420 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,190 Well I'm off to get my nails done. 421 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:55,092 Dani said it was okay. 422 00:16:55,093 --> 00:16:56,859 Didn't you, Dani? 423 00:16:59,796 --> 00:17:01,698 Well, 424 00:17:01,699 --> 00:17:05,869 what I actually said was you can take your tapeworm 425 00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:08,972 and your tiny arsonist and get your limey ass out of here! 426 00:17:08,973 --> 00:17:10,873 You are fired! 427 00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:15,712 And if you have a problem with that, 428 00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:20,316 you can have your lawyer call producer Dani Duncan! 429 00:17:22,419 --> 00:17:24,253 She's the boss. 430 00:17:25,322 --> 00:17:26,755 Come on, Noah! 431 00:17:35,047 --> 00:17:36,179 You saw that, right? 432 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,982 It wasn't just me? 433 00:17:38,587 --> 00:17:42,090 Well, looks like someone is producer material after all. 434 00:17:42,091 --> 00:17:44,526 I know what you did there, Oscar. 435 00:17:44,527 --> 00:17:45,760 And thank you. 436 00:17:45,761 --> 00:17:46,828 Miss Duncan, 437 00:17:46,829 --> 00:17:48,663 May I make you a cup of coffee? 438 00:17:48,664 --> 00:17:50,599 I would love that. 439 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,233 Will you show me how to make a cup... 440 00:18:00,909 --> 00:18:02,611 Everything all right? 441 00:18:02,612 --> 00:18:06,380 Well, I just drank a pint of beer on the toilet, so... 442 00:18:07,349 --> 00:18:09,084 I've been better. 443 00:18:09,085 --> 00:18:12,420 I'm sorry I've been so tone deaf. 444 00:18:12,421 --> 00:18:14,756 And me with perfect pitch. 445 00:18:14,757 --> 00:18:16,625 You know what? 446 00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:19,594 I think that it's incredibly sweet 447 00:18:19,595 --> 00:18:21,963 that you wanted to give me England. 448 00:18:21,964 --> 00:18:27,135 But I realized that it's not England that I miss, 449 00:18:27,136 --> 00:18:31,072 but the way that I felt when I was there. 450 00:18:31,073 --> 00:18:34,643 My whole life, I've never been on my own. 451 00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:36,978 I went from my parents to my husband 452 00:18:36,979 --> 00:18:39,214 to my sister to you. 453 00:18:39,215 --> 00:18:42,050 Which was great, to be honest, 454 00:18:42,051 --> 00:18:44,219 because I've always been afraid to be alone. 455 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:48,123 Then I went to England, and there was no one there 456 00:18:48,124 --> 00:18:49,758 to make decisions for me. 457 00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:51,159 I had to make them for myself. 458 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,896 And it was exhilarating. 459 00:18:54,897 --> 00:18:56,598 I understand. 460 00:18:56,599 --> 00:19:00,101 You got your first taste of independence. 461 00:19:00,102 --> 00:19:02,085 Ironic it happened in England, where they frown on 462 00:19:02,086 --> 00:19:03,585 that sort of thing, usually. 463 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,275 And now that I'm home, 464 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:10,478 I feel like I need to be on my own. 465 00:19:10,479 --> 00:19:12,180 Okay. 466 00:19:12,181 --> 00:19:14,282 I will give you some space. 467 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,468 I will coordinate our schedules 468 00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:17,612 so we don't run into each other, and then in two weeks 469 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,234 we'll meet up at a neutral location... 470 00:19:20,589 --> 00:19:22,490 I'm doing it again. I'm sorry, I can't help it. 471 00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:23,925 No, no, it's okay, it's okay. 472 00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:26,528 Look, you take care of people. 473 00:19:26,529 --> 00:19:28,496 And I love that about you. 474 00:19:28,497 --> 00:19:30,532 But... 475 00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:34,601 I need to learn to take care of myself. 476 00:19:35,804 --> 00:19:38,172 So this is happening... we're breaking up. 477 00:19:41,476 --> 00:19:44,279 Should we get out of here? 478 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,223 Actually, if you don't mind, I think I might stay 479 00:19:46,224 --> 00:19:47,245 and finish my pint. 480 00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,620 Not really sure where I am, 481 00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:53,787 since I was blindfolded, but... 482 00:20:11,473 --> 00:20:13,141 Greetings, my loyal... 483 00:20:13,142 --> 00:20:15,409 Walk away, Delores! 484 00:20:34,044 --> 00:20:35,686 Hi, I'm Chris Bosh. 485 00:20:35,687 --> 00:20:37,888 Is this where they record the Oscar Madison Show? 486 00:20:37,889 --> 00:20:39,022 It is. 487 00:20:39,023 --> 00:20:40,390 Sorry I'm late. 488 00:20:40,391 --> 00:20:42,159 There was a mix-up with the time. 489 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,660 You ever have one of those days? 490 00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:52,201 I'll be okay. 491 00:20:52,869 --> 00:20:54,137 Hey, Chris, you made it! 492 00:20:54,138 --> 00:20:55,504 You must be Oscar. 493 00:20:57,340 --> 00:21:00,010 I see you've met Felix. 494 00:21:00,011 --> 00:21:01,912 Is he crying? 495 00:21:01,913 --> 00:21:05,581 No, no, I'm just allergic to your fabric softener. 496 00:21:06,170 --> 00:21:13,770 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.MY-SUBS.com. 34637

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