All language subtitles for The.Mattachine.Family.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

- Imagine being gay.

Now imagine realizing it.

Maybe you think
of this, or this,

but it wasn't quite
so clear for me.

This was my first clue
that I might be different.

But this probably
sealed the deal

for anyone who wasn't sure.

- My parents
weren't repressive

or close-minded people.

I mean, after all,

this was my Halloween
costume when I was eight,

but I once heard a
neighbor boy call me a Fag.

It made my mom cry.

I didn't really know
what that meant,

but she sure did.

And I understood
that my mom loved me,

and that loving
someone is complicated.

On my ninth birthday, my
parents gave me my first camera.

That day I took a photo
of my best friend, Sarah,

this man dressed up as a
pirate, and my parents, kissing.

Three weeks later, my
dad died in a car crash.

At the funeral,

I took a photo of every
single flower arrangement,

and then I took a
portrait of every guest.

My mom said this
is when she knew

I was going to be
a photographer.

About the time my
family fell apart,

another family showed up on TV,

and there was no
death, no sadness.

- Well, I never.

- Oscar
was a sensation.

He was a foster kid
who was discovered

at just the right time.

For 10 whole years,

he delighted and
distracted the country.

Then he lost everything.

After being forced off the show,

Oscar tried a little
bit of everything.

Nothing seemed to stick.

Years later,

I was shooting this wedding
when a bridesmaid just fainted

in the middle of the ceremony.

And there was Oscar.

I remember him saying,
"Get some water,"

but it also might have
been, "What do you think?"

Or even "She's wasted."

This is the first photo
I ever took of him.

Oscar was unlike
anyone I had ever met.

Sexy, charming,

surprising, and always so sure.

He asked me to marry
him in the parking lot

of a grocery store.

He had no ring, no plan.

He said he looked
at me and just knew.

We were married less than a year

when Oscar thought it was
time to grow our family.

- Should we have kids?

- Scientists
now say that some effects

of climate change
may be irreversible.

- Should we have kids?

- What?

- Should we have kids?

- I don't think we can
make them like this.

For a long time, I wasn't sure.

Oscar had never forgotten
his years in foster care.

So as usual, Oscar got his way,

and we welcomed a foster
child into our home.

We had one year with Arthur,

one birthday,

one perfect summer,

one Christmas,

and one goodbye.

- Hi, Mr. Reid.

This is Laura Walker,
your favorite case worker.

I was just calling to confirm
that today was still good

for you to meet.

Also, Arthur's mother said that
he left a few things behind

and I said I would grab them,
specifically a green hat.

So anyway, call me if you need
to change our appointment.

- So will Oscar be joining us?

- No. He's filming in Michigan.

It's just me today.

- Oh, okay.

So we schedule these exit
meetings to give foster parents

a chance to talk
about, you know,

whatever it is you're feeling.

- Okay.

- And I know at the end,
things happen really quickly,

so it is completely normal
if you feel angry or sad.

Okay.

Just one more little thing
before I can head out.

They make me give
this very brief survey

about your experience,
if you don't mind.

- Okay.

- Oh, Jesus, I'm so sorry.

Okay.

The County Department of
Child and Family Services

facilitated a positive
experience as a caregiver,

and then your options are
yes, no, or no response.

- It was terrific.

- Sorry. Is that,
is that a yes or no?

- Yes.

- Yes. Okay.

In the future,

I would consider participating
as a caregiver again.

Yes, no, or no response.

- Okay.

- I'm just gonna
leave this here.

- No.

Yeah, it's a big no.

- Okay.

Hey, Thomas, why don't you
just finish this when you,

you get a chance?

- Yeah. Great.

- Thank you so much
for letting me stop by

and grab Arthur's things.

Okay. So both of these,
bag, a lot of stuff.

- Can I help you with this?

- No I'm fine, I got it.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I've totally got it.

- Ow!

- Are you okay?

- How bad is it?

- Ugh, oh my God.
- Oh my God, what?

- Don't look, stop!

Hey, you don't want to look.

- Is it broken?
- Yeah.

- Is it broken?
- Yeah, it's broke-

- Why do you keep doing that?

Hi.

- You feeling okay?

- Would it be
impolite to say no?

- I mean, I did see your bone.

- Oh my God.

This is the most
ridiculous thing

that's ever happened to me.

And I once worked at a
water park in Florida.

- The doctor said you were lucky

you didn't get a concussion.

So there's that.

- At least a concussion
might have made me

forget some of the
humiliation of tumbling.

- It's fine.

- My God, you're so
kind for staying here.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Okay.

Well, this has been fun,

and equally scarring.

- Actually, would you mind
helping me with one more thing?

- Hey, girl.

Arthur Christopher Ramos
was born on May 21st, 2014

at 8:24 AM in Los
Angeles, California.

It was a Wednesday.

These are the photos I
took that day on my phone.

Moments before I took
that photo of Oscar,

he was singing "Moon
River" because he knows

it always makes me cry.

He was smiling
because he succeeded.

Two years later,

the building where Arthur
and his parents lived

caught on fire.

Arthur and his mom were
at the grocery store

when it happened.

They lost everything.

This is everything.

Three months later,

Arthur's mom was arrested
for shoplifting food.

She was unemployed and
living in a homeless shelter.

The next day,

Oscar and I received a call
from Laura asking if we would

take in a six year
old boy named Arthur.

This is what fear, wonder,
and joy all look like.

That night, as he fell asleep,

Oscar sang "Moon River" to him.

- And I cried.

- Hey handsome.

- Hey.

- I thought you
were working today.

- I am.

We've been shooting
promos all morning,

but they gotta get me a
Speedo, so I'm waiting.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Anyway, what's up with you?

- Nothing. Did you get my texts?

- Yes. Crazy about Laura.

Did you see the bone?

- Yes.

Oh my God.

- And you saw a Ricky Martin
poster inside her closet door.

Does she know he's gay?

- And maybe she has
a thing for gay dads?

I don't know.

I, I read Arthur's file.

- Of course you did.

- I know, it was just there,

and it had all these
notes about us, like,

warm, loving, capable.

Capable.

- What do you expect?

They didn't take Arthur
away because we were bad

at being parents.

They took him away
because his mom deserved

to raise him herself.

- I get it.

- What?

Someone having a
change of heart?

- No,

I'm serious.

- I miss him too.

But he is where he belongs.

- Which
one do you like?

- Yeah, the camos are fine.

- What's going on?

- Thank God Speedos are back.
We gotta do night shoots.

I gotta go now,

but I will say hi in the
morning when I wake up.

- Okay. I love you.

So wait, wait, wait.

You weren't in Palm
Springs this weekend?

- No. I don't get why this
is so confusing for you.

- I'm sorry.

You posted four pictures and a
story of you in Palm Springs.

- Right. From last June.

- But you didn't put
that in the caption or,

or use that hashtag
TBT or whatever.

- So?

- Sounds like you
should just take a break

from social media.

- Whatever.

I got a whole bunch of messages
from guys this weekend.

- Was one of them
your trainer, Kale?

- No.

Kale is in the Catskills for
a naked men's yoga retreat.

Listen, I got my limits and
Naked Yoga is one of them.

Just call it an
orgy and move on.

I'm actually going on a date
with a guy who messaged me.

- A date?
- Yeah.

- How very traditional of you.

- Shush.

He's a bit older, but
very complimentary of me.

I see what you and Oscar got,

and I wouldn't
mind being adored.

- Ooh, come here.

We're not gonna
find anything here.

We should just go to that
cactus store in Echo Park.

- Can you imagine Leah
keeping anything alive?

Oh, remember Bootsy,
that gray cat?

- Oh my God, yes.

Poor girl.
- Rest in peace.

Oh.

Hello. What about this?

- I don't know.
It's pretty phallic.

- Exactly.

- I don't think phallic
is the route to take

for a lesbian
housewarming party.

- Of course it is. Women
love this sort of thing.

It's a symbol of power.

- Do you remember their wedding?

- Like stepping into
Hillary Clinton's closet.

- There were like, what?

Maybe three men there.

Then they summoned the
spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt.

- Oh, I remember that. Right.

- I don't think they find
wieners to be empowering.

- Yeah.

That that wasn't a great night
to be a single desperate man.

I remember.

What is it?

- It's nothing.

- Did you see someone?

- No.

I thought I saw Arthur.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Hello.

- Shit, did we
get the wrong day?

- No. Why?

- You're wearing pajamas.

- I'm not.

- Oh.
- They're super cute.

- Yeah.

- This is athleisure wear.

It's very east side mom.

- Right.

This is for you.

- Oh, wow.

Thank you.
- Meow.

- Wow.

Thank you so much.

- Thomas. Hi!
- Hey.

- Oh, I was hoping
you'd come by.

I haven't seen you since like-

- Oh, it's been months.

- Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Thomas, this is Annie.

Thomas is a fabulous
photographer.

He did my first
and third wedding.

- Ooh, honey, nice to meet you.

What happened in
wedding number two?

- Well, thankfully there's
no photographic evidence

of that one.

The FBI collected it all
for the grand jury trial.

I'm sorry.

Can you please
excuse me a moment?

I've gotta go pump my
girls before they leak

all over the place.
- Yeah.

- I didn't know they could leak.

- So you're a
photographer. You're good?

- I think I am.

What about you? What do you do?

- I'm a mommy.

- We love that. And
what do you do for work?

- I'm a mommy.

I have a motherhood
lifestyle brand.

- Oh, that-

Yes. Very that.

- You know, social media
presence, vlog, brand deals.

Some have called me a visionary.

- And you make a
living doing that?

- I do.

In fact, I just launched

a very successful line of
ankle weights for babies.

They're huge in Korea.

- Why not?
- Mm-hmm!

- Do you mind if I ask
you a personal question?

- Sure.

- How did you become a mother?

- Oh, my best friend
donated his sperm.

- Is he-

- Gay?
- Yeah.

- Yes. Yes.

Very gay. Gay gay gay.

- So progressive.

- I actually find it to
be quite old-fashioned.

- Hmm.

- Okay. I gotta go and tinkle.

But you and me, we'll
get together later, okay?

We'll talk about the snap snap.

- I will be here.
- Alright toodles!

- Please.

I just want some cake

with a tiny little bit of dairy.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- Good
seeing you, Thomas.

I'm gonna go fire up the hog.

- Sonia did not just ask you

to do those nude shots on her
motorcycle again, did she?

Because I told her-

- No, no, she's sweet.

I couldn't do that again.

I did just meet a new
client though, I think.

- Who?
- Annie?

- Oh.

She's great.
- Yeah?

- Yeah. She's huge in the
lesbian mom community, so.

- Nice.

- She's friends with
Rosie, O'Donnell.

- I got it.

How do you know her?

- Sonia baked our son's
first birthday cake.

- That tracks.

- You okay?

Jamie said there was a bit of
a dramatic incident earlier.

- Everything's fine.

- Okay.

Well, he said you looked
like you saw a ghost.

- Yeah. I don't really wanna
talk about it right now.

It's just like all
these people in here.

- Okay. Well, I'm
worried about you.

Oh, do you still wanna
speak to Jen and Vic

about the adoption
agency they used?

Because they're
supposed to be here, so.

- No, we're,

we're kind of giving up on
the whole adoption thing.

- Okay.

- I mean, Oscar's so busy with
the show and it's just like,

it's unrealistic.

- Okay.

Sorry to hear that.

- I love being a dad.

It's just like,

it doesn't make sense right now.

Timing, and I don't know.

I don't think that I can really

try to do it again right now.

Right?

No.

Stop. What is going on in there?

Do we have any news?

- Don't. Nothing.

We'll know on Tuesday if
this round of IVF worked.

- Okay. How you feeling?

- Amazing.

Fucking sucks.

I'm so anxious, but I
shouldn't be anxious.

And all I wanna do is
drink, but I can't drink.

And so.

- Hey yeah, I'm so sorry.

Staggy has gone to the
car for the power drill.

- What?
- She wants to do

the quick adjust.
- I told them,

no power tools today!
- Okay with the screaming.

- I don't understand the appeal.

- Are you kidding?

This photograph is beautiful.

- You enjoy it?

- You're not kidding.

- I mean, they're
provocative, I guess.

- Okay. Look at this photograph.

Right? This is about kinks,
submission, aggression, power.

Homosexuality at its
core is provocative.

- Yeah, but that's
my problem with it.

- What?

- This is what everyone
thinks gay people are like.

- This is what gay
people are like.

- Some.

- Hmm. And some are stubborn.

- I'm a Taurus.

I don't know.

It's like the ever expanding
title of our community.

LGBTQ plus, YZX
plus plus plus plus.

- Oh, oh.

- How can we be one thing

when we're expected
to be everything?

- Hmm. I am so glad
that I brought you here.

- Listen.

When I got outed from the show,

I was charged with perverting
some kind of idea or image.

I mean, we were the first
Latino family on primetime TV.

- Yeah. Major.

- But Freddy Cruz
suddenly was a queer.

So that, that was it.

It was done. Nothing
else mattered.

All of a sudden, this
is how they saw me.

I wasn't a person anymore.
I was provocative.

- I'm really sorry that
that happened to you.

That must have been really hard.

- It sucked.

- When I was 12,

I found this book of
Mapplethorpe photographs

at a bookstore in St. Louis.

My mom was there,

so I had to like rush to
get it back on the shelf.

I didn't want her to
see me looking at it.

I had all these dreams about
these pictures, these men,

and just,

I dreamt that I was in leather,

and I was determined to find
another copy of this book.

So I went to the library in
the city where my mom worked,

and there it was,

and then when it was time
to leave, I stole the book.

- You stole it.
- I did.

I mean, technically
I wasn't stealing.

My tax dollars
were paying for it.

But-
- You were 12.

- Yeah. So?

- You weren't paying any taxes.

- Someone was.

Hm. And these photos
shaped the idea of me.

You know, that's kind
of all I, all I had.

That's all there was.

- Well, at least now I know

where your thing for
leather originated.

- So he had me get
in my underwear

and lie face down on the mat.

- Why were you in
your underwear?

- Hmm.

Then he straddled me
and stretch my back

for like 20 minutes.

- How much is Kale
charging to train you?

- Why?

- It doesn't sound like
he's doing anything.

- Oh, you played a
Ted talk during it.

- Whatever, girl.

It's your money.

- Well, it's someone's money.

- Don't tell me.

- Come here, Judy.

- That that guy is paying you

for pictures of your feet again.

- Oh. No, no, no, no.

I think Victor's in jail now.

This guy just wants videos
of me eating egg rolls.

Racist.

- Where do you find these guys?

- I'm sorry.

We can't all find wealthy
former child stars to marry.

- Yeah. Well be careful
what you wish for.

- Uh oh. Trouble in Silverlake?

- Oh, everything's fine.

- When does Oscar come home?

- January.

If the show gets picked up,

he's gonna want
us to move there.

- To Michigan, permanently?

- Unfortunately.

- Yikes.

- It's really, really
helpful, Jamie.

- Well, I guess Michigan
might be a better place

to raise a kid than LA, right?

- I thought I told you we're
not going to foster again.

- Yeah, I know you said that.

- Hmm. So then why'd
you bring it up, hm?

- Thomas, you are
many, many things,

but subtle, you are not.

Look, I saw your sweet
and wistful smile

when that child tried

to ruin our brunch with that
endless round of peekaboo.

- No, no. That's
not what that was.

- If you say so.

- Ugh.

- What's wrong?

What does Oscar
think about all this?

- He's always so busy.

- What about your work?

- What about it?

I mean, I have
weddings coming up and-

- Are you doing something
just for you, self-care?

- Something to just for me?
- Yeah.

- Girl, please.

Who has the time?

- Sounds like you
do.

- Stay there.

That light is gorgeous on you.

- Oh, just be natural, right?

Okay.
- Yeah. No, natural.

One more.

- You getting the, you
know, the cheekbone,

and the jawline?
- That jawline, huh?

That jawline is so good.
- Yeah.

- I'm gonna be happy again.

- You will.

- Yeah.

- We're all gonna
be happy again.

- Should we go get
some egg rolls?

We can take some pictures.

- Take some pictures of
you, of a racist person.

- Oh, please, please don't
glare at me like that.

- How would you like me
to look at you, right now?

Hmm?

- I booked a show.

We're moving to Michigan.

Our lives are about to change.

- Exactly.

And we're about to
lose Arthur. And what?

You're just gonna
be in Michigan?

- Yeah, but I told you
that nothing I can do.

- You really want me
to go to court alone?

- I wanna thank you for
taking care of Arthur

for the past year.

I appreciate what you
did for him. I do.

But he is my son.

I hope you understand that.

I am his mother.

- He is going
back to his birth mom.

- Please.

- We knew from day one

this was probably
going to be temporary.

Do you understand how
much I would've given

to have had that opportunity?

- You would've really wanted

to leave a loving
home to go back

and live with your junkie mom?

- I don't mean to
be disrespectful
to you or that man,

but neither of you
were his father.

It was always temporary.

Just temporary.

- Let's not forget
you didn't want to have kids

in the first place.

- I didn't want to have kids.

No, but then we did
it, and we met Arthur.

I wanna keep him.

That's not like this insane
thing for me to think.

- So I should quit the show.
- Oh.

- Is that what I should do?

I should quit.
- Stop!

I didn't say that.
- That's what you're saying.

If I could be with you in
court, I would, but I can't.

He's going back to his
mom where he belongs.

If I need to say goodbye,

I will be back.
- Please stop.

- Thank you,

for what you did do.

- Thank you.

Come here. It's okay.

What you did for Arthur,

no one can ever take away.

You need to remember that.

It's okay.

- Wow.

- I know, I know.

It's a little shabby
at the moment.

- Please. Thank you for
actually calling me.

Most people just take my
information to be nice.

- Ah! Well, I'm not
nice.

- Can I?

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Right there is fine.

- Do you know Maria Butcher?

- Oh, yes. She's an old friend.

We go way, way back.

I was her first art attorney.

- Oh, you're an attorney. Okay.

- I used to be,

but then I took a look
at my life and I thought,

is this it?

You know, like I
just kept thinking

about the next thing and
the next thing and the next,

and then one day I
realized, I said,

"Annie,

it is so much more
important to be centered

and be happy in the day."

- Mm, 'cause there
is no other way.

- Excuse me?

- Yeah.

The song.

- Okay.

- So, no.
- No.

- It's a song my
dad used to sing.

It just reminded me of it.

- Sure. Okay.

Anyway,

that led me to deciding that
I wanted more than just money

and status and a line
of attractive ladies.

I wanted to be a mommy. And
I haven't looked back since.

- Right.
- Oh, here they are.

Great.

Ted, this is Thomas.
- Hey, Thomas.

- Thomas, Ted.
- Nice to meet you, Ted.

Hey little man.

My name's Thomas,
what's your name?

- Fuck!

- No, no.

We did not name him that.

His name is Huck, right?

The H, huh huh huh.

His speech therapist said
he should grow out of it.

- Ah, I see.

Well it's nice to
meet you, Huck.

I get some sprinkles.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Yeah!

- Ted, sweetheart,

I told you to put him
in the Venetian Pearl.

This is clearly a Sarcoline.

- Oh. This is Sarcoline.
- So, okay. Yeah.

We'll be right back.

We're just gonna quickly
change. Come on, honey.

Yeah, we'll keep that.

We'll, we'll keep that orange.

- Sounds like a white emergency.

- So
you're the donor.

- I prefer father, actually.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- Oh, it's fine.

It's, it's not always clear
to everybody how this works.

- Yeah.

How does it work, exactly?

- Well, we are
sharing this house.

We co-parent Huck, but we
definitely have our own lives.

- Wow.

I didn't realize y'all
lived together too.

- Well, just till Huck starts
school, and then we'll see.

I mean, there's no real
rule book for this,

so we're just gonna do
what feels right for us.

That's kind of the point.

- Hmm. I love that.

Did you always know
you wanted to be a dad?

- No.

It really wasn't
until Annie came to me

that I even considered it.

- Yeah. I mean,

I didn't even think it was
an option until it happened.

- Oh. You're a dad.

- No, I was, but I,
I was a foster dad.

- Oh, I see.
- Not anymore.

- Hey buddy,

look at you and
your white shirt!

- Do you mind if I-
- Not at all.

Look at the camera.

Say cheese.

- Yeah, so good.

- Hey.

- She won't come
out of the room.

- I'm gonna go in, okay?

You wait.

Hi.

- Hey.

- Didn't even bring me
miscarriage flowers?

- I came as soon as I heard.

- Not even sad
supermarket flowers.

- Did you really want
sad supermarket flowers?

- No.

- No.

- I want a baby.

So stupid.

- What if I told you I
brought you Italian food

from that place on Hillhurst?

- Did you?
- Mm-hmm.

- So you're a good
friend after all.

Go, get it, I'm hungry.

- Okay.

I love you.

- Anyway now, I check her
REM cycle on the Watch App.

- Okay, that seems
a little extreme.

- Sometimes I'm trying so
hard to suppress a cough,

I have tears streaming
down my face.

- Oh, baby.

I feel like Sonia would
understand if you're coughing.

Like, what are you gonna do?

- Yeah, awake Sonia would.

But there's something
that happens to her

when she's half asleep.

She becomes a demon.

It's terrifying.

I'm pretty sure if I
didn't have cough drops

next to my bed,

she would've killed me by now.

- Not the demon.

- How much longer are we-

- It's right up
here on the corner.

Not many steps to the top.

- Remind me why we're
going there again.

- The guy Harry Hay

that started the

Mattachine Society

used to live right next to 'em.

- What did they do, again?

- They advocated for
queer people in the 50s.

They were kind of
the first group.

- Oh, I see.

And these were a
bunch of white guys?

I thought so, okay.
- Okay.

Look, it wasn't perfect,

but it wasn't totally
worthless, either.

I mean, these things
take time, right?

What are we gonna
do about this cough?

Do you think these
stairs are gonna

fix this cough?
- What are we gonna do

about this hill?

Are you fucking kidding me?
- I got it.

Come on.
- Oh my God, ugh.

Here we go.

- I thought there'd be more.

- More steps?

- No, I don't know.

This whole experience
feels wrong, somehow.

- I think you're deciding
to be disappointed.

- No, I'm disappointed.

- Sometimes stairs
are just stairs.

- Okay, let me get
a picture of you.

- To memorialize
the disappointment?

- Just sit down.
- Okay.

- There's something about you.

- My good looks?

Or my professional
and financial success?

- When are you going to Denver?

- Next week.

- And they're gonna
try to fertilize you?

- No, it's just a consult.

They won't take you if
they think you're hopeless.

But they're supposedly the best.

- It's weird how we're
going through something

so similar yet so different.

You know, you're
my oldest friend.

- Oldest?

- Not now.

Longest.

You're my longest friend.

- That's better.

Oh.

Should we try and beat the
hipster moms to the top?

- In these boots?

- Yeah, let's do it, yeah.
- Okay.

- Okay, on your
mark, get set, go!

- Hey!
- Oldest!

Motherfucker! Ah!

Yes, yes, yes!

Ugh!

Even after all these years,

it still feels so good
to watch you eat my dust.

- Eat my dust?
- Yeah.

- What is this, '94?

- Oh my God.

- Oh that's Sarah.

That's Arthur's mom.

- What?
- Yeah.

- What is she doing here?

- No, his school's
right down the street.

She must have just
dropped him off.

Oh, should I say something?

- Be normal, just be a person.

- Hey Sarah.

- Thomas.

- How are you?
- How are you?

- Good, um,

this is Leah.

She was with me at the hearing.

- Nice to see you again.

- How are you? How's Arthur?

- Never better.

- That's awesome.

I know he was worried
about starting school.

I've just been thinking
about him a lot.

- He's doing really well.

- That's amazing.

- Well, I'll see you around.

- Yeah, yeah.

Bye.

- You okay?

- Yeah no, I'm great.

She looks tired, right?

Don't you think she looks tired?

- I don't know.

- No, she's gotta be tired.

I know she's working
two jobs right now,

and it's like, I'm
just worried, you know?

He's at school, and-

You know, they say
that driving tired

is worse than driving drunk.

Imagine raising a kid tired?

- Thomas.

- But I knew he was,

I knew he was going
to school there.

It was only a matter of time

before we ran into each other.

Ah, the anticipation is over,

and we're good, it's happened.

I can move on.

- And she said he
was doing good.

- Yeah, she said that, right?

- She did.

Hey, it's okay.

Oh, I know, I know!

- It's just IVF, so you
miss your injection window,

we have to wait a
whole other month.

- I'm sorry.

Sorry I'm not
chomping at the bit

to stick seven needles
in my broken body, ugh!

- Hi Thomas. You want some pie?

- Mm, yes, please.

- I think this
one is the winner.

It's a Bananoffee Cream Pie.

- Oh, Banana-noffee.

- I'm still working on its name.

- Oh my God.

- Yeah?
- Yes.

Holy shit.
- Yay.

How was your walk?

- Ugh.

- What?

- We ran into Arthur's mom.

- Okay, I see.

Arthur is well?

- Yeah.

- I know you've been
having such a hard time,

but I do hope that you see

just how special
what you had was.

And he made you a dad.

And what a wonderful gift.

What a wonderful gift.

You want some pie?

You want some pie.
- Yes, please.

- Okay, alright.

Pie, pie pie pie.

What I'm wondering is what
it is about being a father

that made you feel like
you were a better person.

- Mm.
- Yeah?

Why do you keep denying yourself

the opportunity to
just feel that again?

- I don't know.

I don't think it's wrong
for me to feel like

it'll never be the
same, you know?

- Now I know you didn't
ask my opinion, but listen,

I think you are an
exceptional dad.

And the reality is
that time, honey,

time is gonna run out.

- Okay.
- So,

maybe you don't take my advice,

but it would've been wrong

if I didn't at least
try to warn you.

- Thank you.

- Our lives are lived only once.

There's so little
room for error.

But this pie, though.

- Leah, Sonia, Jamie.

What can I say
about these people?

What is it to
really know someone?

I met Leah the Fall of my
freshman year of college.

She found me passed
out in the bathroom

of a friend's house,

and she held me until I woke up

to make sure I was okay.

She smelled like lemons.

She's always been so good
at fixing other people.

It wasn't until
she went to rehab

that I realized she was always

just trying to fix herself.

When Leah met Sonia,

we all thought it was a fluke.

Too sweet, too young.

But she loved Leah,
broken pieces and all.

When Sonia proposed to her,

she didn't say,
"Will you marry me?"

She said, "Be with me,
be with me, be with me."

Three times, like
an affirmation.

Jamie was my first
neighbor in LA.

I never had a platonic
gay friend before.

He taught me about
drag queens, brunch,

gay subcultures I had
never heard of before.

I had never met someone
so truly himself.

So it was a surprise
to all of us

when we found out his family
didn't know he was gay.

When he finally told them,

they didn't speak to
him for nine months.

He was cut off completely.

Jamie moved in
with me and Oscar.

We became his family.

I once tried to count all
the photos I had ever took.

But it was impossible.

Sometimes it feels
like a burden,

freezing time,

remembering being
remembered, remembering,

but it's how I show my love.

By suggesting the
possibility of immortality.

I've thought a lot about
how we all found each other

at exactly the right moments.

How we complement each others
strengths and weaknesses.

In the 50s, maybe they
would've called us a society,

shrouded in secrecy
and innuendo,

but what we have isn't new.

It's the oldest
damn thing there is.

Maybe someday there will be
a staircase named after us,

and the people
who walk will know

that once there was
a group of people

who called themselves a family.

- A house on Lake Michigan?

- Baby, you're screaming again.

- And we're supposed
to feel sorry for you?

- No, no, I'm not
asking for that.

- These photos are insane.

We just got you a shitty cactus.

- Oh my God, there's
an old fashioned

creamery down the road?

- I know you are excited,

but if you keep screaming,

you're gonna keep
me up all night

with that coughing again, so.

- I call the room
with the balcony.

- Mm-mm, you can't call
the room with the balcony.

You have to be in the place.

- Look, no one is
calling anything, okay?

I don't even know
if I want to go.

- Oscar bought a house
for you on Lake Michigan,

and you're not sure
if you want to go?

Did you have a
stroke this morning?

- He rented it, okay?

He didn't buy it.

And, I don't know,
he didn't consult me.

- But didn't you all agree

that if the show got picked up,

you were going to buy a house?

- Maybe it's just I'm
officially the same age

as my dad was when he
died, and I don't know,

I just thought I
would have done more

with my life by now.

- Thomas, you have a nice life.

- Aw, I love you.

- So, what are you gonna do?

- Honestly, part of me
kinda wishes the show

doesn't get picked up.

- Well, if that's how you feel,

that's how you feel.

Don't agonize over it.

- But I'm not.

And like, that's
weird. I should be.

I just wish I could
hit the rewind button

and go back to the
way things were

before it all got
so complicated.

Oh my God.

- Happy birthday!

- That is gorgeous.

Wait, did you make that?

- I did.
- You made that all?

- Yes I did!
- Artiste.

- I'm dying to eat it.
- Damn.

He is old!

- Okay, go over there, Jamie.
- Do the timer thing.

You have to be in it.
- I don't need

to be in this.
- Why so bossy?

- I already posted something,

by the way.
- This is just for me.

- This has to be in the picture.

- Yes, get that.

Flip the wiener though, because-

- 'Cause it's small?
- Flip the wiener.

- Okay, ah.

I love you.

- Hello, birthday boy!

Are you ready for you
birthday spanking?

- Mm, don't make
promises you can't keep.

- Well, Mary Kate's here, too.

- Oh my God, babe.

I'm sorry, I thought,

I thought you were alone.

- She doesn't mind.

- Hi, Mary Kate.

- Hi, Thomas!

Don't mind me.

Get those birthday spankings!

- Okay, so?

- The house is beautiful.

- And?

- And I thought you
were coming to LA after.

- I am, but I have big news.

- Okay.

- The network ordered
10 more episodes,

and the show's been picked
up for two more seasons.

Two!

- Oh my God.

Two more years?

- I know!

And to think that
a few months ago,

I was doing bootcamp classes.

It's crazy how everything
can just change

from one day to the next.

- Yeah, wow.

- You better start booking
some weddings in Michigan.

- Yes, Michigan weddings.

- Oh, I gotta go.

Happy birthday, Thomas Reid.

We have big things ahead of us.

I love you.

- Big things, baby.

Big things.

- Hello, Thomas.

Come to the party
with us, won't you?

- Honestly, that is terrifying.

But I'm not going.

- Oh come on, please.
- Ugh.

- You're gonna make me
get on my knees and beg?

- Oh, oh yeah, yeah.
- Oh yeah?

Oh, oh yeah, oh yeah.

- Okay, please don't have
sex in front of me again.

Not tonight.

Ew.

- Ugh!

Look at yourself.

Half finished bottle
of chardonnay.

Empty bag of candy corn.

Cough medicine.

This is a cry for help.

- I literally have so much
work to do tonight, okay?

I'm not going, no.

I'm putting my foot down.

- Is that you putting
your foot down?

- Yes.

- Has that ever worked on me?

Come to the party.
- Stop.

- Come on!

Is this really what
you thought about

when you were a little boy?

Moving to the big city

so that you can work
on the gayest holiday?

Make it make sense!

- Yeah, make it make sense!

- Come to the party.

- It makes sense.
- You've never missed

Jamie's Halloween party.

- I know, I literally
have nothing to wear, so.

- That's so funny, please.

- Come to the party.
- Come to the party.

Come to the party.
- Ugh! Okay stop, stop!

- Come to the party.
- Get off me.

- So cute!
- Thanks.

Yeah, I'm married, though.

- I meant the dog.

- I know what you meant.

- Who is this little guy?

- This is Judy.

- Oh yeah Judy-doody.

Alright, let me guess.

You are... Elvis.

- With these legs?

Ew, no, I'm not Elvis.

- Oh?

Okay come on.

- Um.

- Really?

Oh, you're Elton John!

Oh!

- Thank you.
- Cheers to Elton.

- I know, yes.

- People think to
be a legitimate act,

you have to be
one on reality TV.

- Straight up.

- Commodifying drag
culture doesn't elevate it,

it threatens its existence.

- Yes!
- You know?

People want the fame.

They just don't understand it.

The fame isn't real.

The art is real!

- The art is real, yes!
- Look at me!

Oh, look at her, hey girl!
- Real.

Keep it alive, girl!

Oh my God, did you just
take a picture of me?

- No, definitely it's,

I think it did.

I am so sorry.
- Well unfortunately for you,

I'm a photographer,

and I'm also a little bit mean,

so I'm gonna need
to see that picture.

- Okay, well it's probably
gonna be atrocious.

- Oh my God, okay, come here.

Let the professional do it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Now you have a
picture of me and you.

I'm Thomas, by the way.

- It's very nice to
meet you. I'm Jake.

- Nice to meet you, too.

Okay now that we've
met officially,

I'm gonna be a little
more confrontational,

and ask you why you took
a covert photo of me?

- I was sending a
picture to my husband

to see if you were
Oscar Reyes' husband.

- Okay.

How do you know Oscar?

- I don't?

I just follow him.

I was sorry to see-
- Yeah, me too.

- It's funny.

I had forgotten about Oscar

until he started
getting coverage

for his gay dad posts.

- What is it about gay dads

that people find so interesting?

- I don't know.

When my daughter came along,

my husband and I started a vlog.

And now, we get millions
of views on each video.

It's crazy.
- Is everyone in LA

an influencer?

- No.

Well, I was an ophthalmologist.

- Okay, transition.

Did you guys adopt?

- No. Surrogacy.

- Mm, what was that like?

- It was interesting.

They have agencies
that take care

of almost everything.

- Right.

- But it's still time consuming,

and it's all a bit strange

if you think about
it too deeply.

But you know, it's
what we have to do.

I'm surprised you guys
haven't looked into it.

- We did.

Oscar was dead set on fostering.

- That must have been
really rewarding.

- Yeah. It was.

- And difficult.

- It was.

- Ever thought about
doing it again?

- No, no no.

Honestly, I didn't even
really want to do it

in the first place.

I mean, it was so good
while it lasted, right?

That's a thing.

It didn't last.

- If you change your mind,

I cannot recommend
our agency enough.

I can give you the number.

- I used to
dream about this life.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual,
transgender, queer.

If I call myself gay or queer,

then what else can
you say about me?

Or her?

Him, or them?

I sleep with men.

Is that enough?

What is enough? Does it matter?

Sometimes I think about
how strange this life is.

The heartbreak,
the pain, the joy,

the fight to just be included.

It happened.

I left Missouri, I got married,

I had a child.

The things I thought I gave up

became part of my story.

My gay story.

It wasn't what I
expected, but it's mine.

Maybe that's enough.

- Tell me, what
brings you in today?

- Honestly, my husband
didn't really know I'm here,

so I'm just exploring
opportunities.

- I see.

You're friends with
Jake and Graham?

- I met Jake at a party.

- Huge success story.

They're featured on
our website right now.

Little Poppy is very
popular on social media.

- What?

This is all very new to me.

- Well, it's a
relatively new industry.

Now that we've got gay marriage,

gay couples are feeling
really empowered

to become fathers.

- Okay, so how
does this all work?

- Well, we take
care of everything.

Everything except for the sperm.

That part's on you.

Though we can deal
with anything,

if there's any sort of an issue.

- No, I got plenty of that.

- Oh, okay.

- I mean, like a normal amount.

- It's fine.
- It's totally normal.

- It's fine.

- How much does this cost?

- Depends on the
package you pick,

but base pricing starts
at about $150,000.

- Uh?
- I know,

but honestly, becoming a father,

that's priceless.

- Is it?

- Well, let's find
out if you're fertile.

- Hello?

Uh, let me clean
up a little first.

You will put your
specimen in this cup.

Try your best to
get it all in here,

and if you miss, please tell me.

I don't like surprises.

Use this to browse any videos.

If you'd like some
assistance with the process,

we have three folders,
domestic, Asian, and gay.

And yes, the gay category
does include Asian content.

- Uh, thank you.

- Okay, have fun.

Oh, almost forgot.

- What is that?

- It's a puppy pad.

- A puppy pad.

- You sit on it.

- For me.

- Trust me, you
want the puppy pad.

Enjoy!

- What even is domestic porn?

Just white people.

- Oh hey Karen.

- Hey.
- Oh, Karen.

- Oh hey, did
the bleeding stop?

- Finally, yeah.

That medicine seems
to be helping,

but you wouldn't
believe the discharge.

- Oh my God.
- Pregnancy, right?

What a gift.

Alright, I'll be down there.
- Okay.

I'm-

Ok.

- Keep going.

Oh, you're gonna make me cum.

- Already?

Are you cumming?

- Mr. Reid,
you doing okay in there?

- Just my luck.

Okay Paul, this is
very serious, yes.

Mime, next.

Lasso.

Equestrian.

Bareback.

- Bareback?
- What?

- I could use your help here!

Horseback riding.

- Yes!
- Yes.

- Ugh.

- Oh.
- Come on come on come on.

Sweeping, chimney.

- You can't do sounds!

- Shh!

Ice cream!

Ice scraper?

Ah, next, pass!

I got you.

Ballet. No?

Prima donna.

Black Swan.

- Black Swan's a great movie.

- Natalie Portman as Black Swan!

- Time's almost up.

- Ah! Shoes.

If the shoe fits.

- Hey, guys.

Don't Paul's legs look
amazing right now?

- Time.
- His calves are unreal.

- That's time, I'm done.
- High heels.

It was high heels.

- Okay, final score.
- High heels?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Hot girls, eight.

Smelly boys, oh, six.

- Stop!
- Ugh.

That was so fun.

You were really great.
- I was, huh?

- You were, you were great.

- Okay, who wants pie?

- Thanks.
- Oh, I want pie.

- I'll take some
water too, geeze.

- So Paul seems nice.

- Yeah, too bad he
sucks at charades.

- So, who's gonna
break the news to him?

That we're all out of
town for Thanksgiving.

- Oh I told Sonia
she had to do it.

People find it very hard
to be angry with her.

- It's true, very hard.

Yeah, that's what he said.

- Now, has Jamie,

you mentioned he was
on his third date.

Has he ever dated
anybody this long?

- I mean, there
was that one time

he was catfished by someone

who was pretending
to be Lance Bass.

- That's terrible.

- Please, don't
feel bad for him.

Apparently he slept with
Lance a couple weeks later.

- Oh!

- So is your family coming
to LA for Thanksgiving?

- Uh, no.

But it's gonna be fine.

- What does that mean?

- Oh, okay.

- Pie pie pie pie pie!

Thank you.
- For you.

- Oh, it's small.

- So, Texas?

Going to Texas for Thanksgiving.

- What?

- When were
you gonna tell me?

- Right now.

- You're not telling me.

Sonia's telling me.

- I know, aren't you mad at her?

- No, that's
literally impossible.

- I know.

- Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- Ugh, we didn't know how to!

- Okay.

- 'Cause of this.
- Awesome.

Alright, Jamie, it's
gonna be you and me.

Thanksgiving dinner at my place.

- Actually, Paul has
a chalet in Aspen.

- What? You hate the cold.

- I like chalets.

- Come on, we always spend
Thanksgiving together.

This is like what we do.

This feels like a big gay
family divorce, or something.

- It's just this year.

- I would ask you to come with,

but I'm pretty sure Paul
is gonna pop the question.

- Not marriage.

- No, threesome.

- Ugh!

- Hey, why don't
you go to Michigan?

- No.

- It might be good to
get away for a while.

- No Michigan, okay?

Oscar's apparently coming here.

He has, like, press to do.

- That's fun.

- That's exciting.

- I think it's fun.
- Shh.

- I don't get why I
got the smallest piece.

- I'm going to throw this pie

in all of your faces right now.

- No!
- Not the rug!

- Did you get a turkey?

- You know the
butcher, he's a fan.

- That's great. Did
he give you a turkey?

- And his parents
took him to a taping

when he was 10 years old.

- What are you doing, are
you avoiding my question?

- You bet.

- How many grocery stores
are we gonna go to?

That's three, and
not a single turkey.

- What do you expect?

It's the day before
Thanksgiving.

- Oh okay, so now we're
being passive aggressive.

Why don't you just say
that I ruined everything,

and Thanksgiving is dead?

- If I was being
passive aggressive,

I would've said something like,

"Gee, it would've been nice

if we had shopped a
few days earlier, but-"

- How is that any different?

That's like exactly
what you just said.

- I don't even like turkey.

- You literally told
Audie Cornish at NPR

that you were most
excited about the turkey.

- You listened to that?

- I listen to
everything that you do.

- What else could I say?

Thanksgiving food sucks.

- Oh, okay.

- No.
- Now she hates my cooking.

- That's not what I meant.

You know, I mean, I would
rather have a steak.

- I'm done.

- Come on.

- Find everything okay?

- Not a turkey.

- This line is 15 items or less.

It's the express lane.

- Excuse me?

- You have too many items.

They have too many items.

Over 30, I counted.

- Um okay, I'm sorry.

We didn't see the sign.

It's fine.

Is it okay if we
just keep, thank you.

- Of course it's not okay.

There's a sign.

- Okay, would you like
to go in front of us?

- Get in another line.

- We're not getting
in another line, okay?

We're already checking
out, but thank you.

- I'm sorry, the
last thing I want

is to end up on the local news.

- Okay, so you know what?

It's okay, we can
go to another line.

- We can't-
- It's fine.

- It's gonna take us an hour.

- It's not worth
fighting over tonight.

I'm not doing this.
- Okay just start

checking us out, okay?

We're scanning items.

This is gonna be over with.
- Sir, this is not okay.

- Thomas, what are you doing?

What are you doing? This
is not okay, really.

I mean, sorry.

We're gonna take
it somewhere else.

- Okay.

- Waste of my time, bitch.

- You're welcome!

I hope everyone
enjoyed the show.

Excuse me.

Yes, please.
- Can you stop that?

Thank you.

- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Ugh!

- Just leave that for
Carla in the morning.

- I gave Carla the
day off tomorrow.

- Why?

- Well, 'cause it's the
day after Thanksgiving.

- I hope we're not
still paying her.

- Babe, it's a holiday.

- No, today is the holiday.

Tomorrow is Friday.

- Do you really think
we need Carla to come

three times a week?

I mean, I'm home
most of the time.

I can manage myself.

- Yeah, but surely
there's something

more interesting you could
be doing with that time.

- You know what?
I think there is.

Okay.

I went to this place last week,

and I'm looking
at options for us.

- Surrogacy?

- Babe, I think we
owe it to ourselves

to make a meaningful
decision about this.

Come on!

I just want to make
sure we mean it

when we say we don't
want to be dads anymore.

- Well, I don't need to do that.

- That doesn't
mean that I don't.

- Where is this
coming from, Thomas?

It was only like weeks ago

you said you never
wanted kids again.

- I know, okay? I know.

It feels like
everyone in my life

is either talking about
kids, or having kids,

or going to the
ends of the earth

to try to make a family.

And I just-

There's all these signs
from the universe right now,

and it's just-
- Signs from the universe,

really?

Come on, are you
listening to yourself?

- Yes.
- Thomas.

- I'm listening to myself, okay?

And there's this little
voice inside my head

that keeps telling me that
we're making a mistake.

You don't feel that at all?

- No.

- How?

- What do you mean how?

We have so much to
look forward to.

- What, going to Michigan?

Leaving all my friends behind.

Just sitting at home, alone,

while you work all day?
- Wow.

Your life must be so hard.

- Okay, I'm not trying to like,

make you feel sorry for me.

- But it's not all
about you, Thomas.

Do you know how long
I've been waiting

for a break in my
career like this one?

- That's not how
a marriage works.

- 20 years, 20!

It's my turn now, Thomas!

- Just walk and chew
gum at the same time!

I'm not saying
that you can't work

if we have a kid in our lives.

- You don't understand.

You really don't get it.

- I'm just trying to
be honest with you.

- You want to be honest?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Anyone with half a brain
knows what this is.

- What is this?

- You are preoccupied

with the anniversary
of your dad's death.

- Wow.

Okay.

Alright, it's just
that simple, huh?

- Well come on,
don't be like that.

Don't be so
self-righteous, Thomas.

- Thank God you have
this all figured out.

- 30 years after the anniversary

of your dad's unexpected death,

and you are trying to
cope with the feeling

that you may never get to
be a better dad than he was.

- Wow.
- The story

just writes itself.

- So what?

So what, fine.

Even if all of that is true,

does that somehow diminish
how I'm feeling right now?

Is my doubt less valid
than your certainty is?

- What do you want from me?

- Babe.

I'm trying to bring you
into this conversation.

- But I don't want
to be brought in.

I don't want to be
a father, I don't!

I don't want this for me.

I am too old for this.

I don't want to be an old dad.

And I'm gonna be
working all the time.

I don't want to
be an absent dad.

If you feel compelled to
look at this, then do it.

But know that you're
not doing this for us,

you're doing this for you.

- And what does
that mean for us?

What are you saying?

- Figure it out.

- Wow.

I was thinking
today about my life.

The only life I'll ever have.

My dad died on a
Tuesday in November.

The sky was a sad Fall blue.

Two days later, my mom
met with their lawyer.

That's when she discovered
that my dad had another house.

Another woman.

Her name was Caroline.

My mom didn't leave her
bedroom for two days.

My grandpa said her heart
had been obliterated.

I had to look that word
up in our dictionary.

This was obliterated.

This was obliterated.

A week later at the funeral,

my mom and I greeted every
single person who came.

When I met Caroline,

she hugged me for a long time,

and looked me in the eyes.

She told me I had his smile.

And she cried.

When she met my mom,

they grasped hands.

There were no words.

It was forgiveness.

My mom gave a eulogy
at the funeral.

She quoted a scene from
"Angels in America,"

which she had featured recently

at an exhibit at her library.

She said, "In your
experience of the world,

how do people change?

Well, it has something
to do with God,

so it's not very nice.

God splits the skin
with a jagged thumbnail

from throat to belly,

and then plunges a
huge filthy hand in.

He grabs hold of
your bloody tubes,

and they slip to
evade his grasp.

But he squeezes, hard.

He insists, he pulls and pulls

'til all your innards
are yanked out,

and the pain,

we can't even talk about that.

And then he stuffs them back.

Dirty, tangled and torn.

It's up to you to
do the stitching.

- Look at the trees,
look at that one.

That looks like a nice tree.

You want one like that?

Thomas.
- Hey Ted.

- Hey, nice surprise.

You out buying a tree, too?

- I am, yeah.

I just picked one out.

- Oh where is it?

- I'm actually getting it
delivered later tonight.

- Christmas tree delivery.

So it's a bougie Christmas.

- It is.

- I remember when I was a kid,

we would drive out to
the Christmas tree farm,

and cut one down ourselves.

- The best.
- Drive home,

me and my brothers
hanging out the window,

trying to keep it on
the roof of the car.

- Yeah.

- I think that's why I have
to get a real tree every year.

It reminds me of them.

- Oh my God, me too.

My husband Oscar thinks
it's absolutely ridiculous.

- I have an ex who would
say it was grotesque

to kill a tree.

I'm pretty sure he was
in that sex cult, though.

So what does he know?

- A sex cult.
- It was a whole thing.

And so we're, hey, buddy!

You want to say hi?

- Hey, Huck.
- Hi.

- Good to see you, bud.

- Did you find a tree?

- Yeah yeah, this one!

- Oh okay, excuse us one second.

- Oh yeah.
- This one here?

- No, that one.
- This one.

- That one.
- This big one here?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

So Huck picked possibly the
biggest tree on the lot.

We're just up the street.

Do you mind helping us
carry it over there?

- Yeah, totally.
- Thank you so much.

You're a lifesaver.

Alright buddy,
let's get this tree.

Did you look at it good?
Did you see the top?

- You have no idea?

- I don't.

- Come on, you gotta
pick one thing.

- Alright buddy, you ready?

- Ready.

- Here we go!

- Yay!
- Yay!

Alright give me the
star, give me the star.

- Wow.
- Thank you.

- You and Huck make
a very good team.

- Hear that Huck? We make
a pretty stellar team.

- Do you mind if I-

- Oh no, we should be so lucky.

Sit up, look at the
star, look at the star.

Alright we got the
star, now what?

- Asteroids and planets
and rocket ships!

- Rocket ships.

Grr, I don't think so!

- Bounce!

Bounce!

- Jumping up and down.

That's it?
- Bounce higher!

Jump towards your destiny!
- Yeah, just hold the form.

- What are you doing with
your arms, you weirdo.

- You need to catch up.

Right.
- Two, three.

Left arm.

Left.

Alright.
- Okay.

- Exhale, exhale.

- Should we go get
a green juice now?

- Yes.

- All right.

- There's a place
called Godly, Texas.

- Godly.
- Yeah.

Don't bother remembering it.

I don't know if it had
more churches or bars.

So you figure that one out.

- Wow, sounds eventful.

- It wasn't.

We played a lot of Scrabble.

Sonia's mom secretly
fed me cheesecake.

- Okay, you need to tell her

that you want to
eat dairy again.

This is ridiculous.

- She reads one
article on how dairy

can affect fertility,

and it's like ruined
my life forever.

- Do you think I'm stuck?

- What do you mean?

- It feels like I don't
know where to go from here.

It's like all my
options feel wrong.

- Okay.

I see.

Remember when I found
out you were gay?

- I do.

- Got so drunk in my dorm room.

- Yeah, we were listening

to that Regina Spektor
album non-stop.

- And that bitch Amanda
kept barging in on us.

- It was her dorm, too.

- And it was the
last song came on.

What was it?
- Summer in the City.

- Yes, fuck that's a
way to end an album.

- The best.

- Anyways, we were both
lying in my bed, bawling.

But when the song was over,

I wiped away my tears,
but you kept crying.

- Duh.

- And I knew.

I mean, I've always known.
- Alright.

- I knew since I met you,

freshman year.
- Alright, alright.

- I didn't understand
why you wouldn't tell me

why you kept choosing
to stay alone with that.

You were stuck!

- I was stuck!

- So I gave you a little push.

- No, I believe your
exact wordage was,

"You like dick, don't you?"

- Yeah, I didn't get where
I am by being subtle.

- No, you did not.

So you never told me how

the doctor's appointment
went in Denver.

- You never asked.

- Yeah, well I was waiting
for you to say something.

- Okay, fair enough.

I'm not hopeless, yay!

- Hey, that's amazing.

It's great.

- Yeah, just a massive expense,

and we're already
starting the storefront

for Sonia's bakery.

I just want that experience.

I want to carry a child.

It's ridiculous, I know.

I just-
- It's not ridiculous.

- Of course you don't think so.

You're three shades
crazier than me.

- At least we always
had each other.

What? What now?

- So I'm just, I'm
gonna have to say it?

- Say what?

- Thomas.

You want a baby!

You want to go to the park,

carry a baby around
like a little kangaroo,

and you want to teach
it to be as kind,

as generous, and
as curious as you.

You want to wake
up in the morning

and squeeze its fat
little baby cheeks.

Thomas, you want to
look back on your life

and know that you fought
when things got hard.

If you want to stay stuck,

that's your own damn fault, so.

Oh, you're gonna carry
me home like a baby?

- We're gonna put
a baby in there.

I mean, I'm not going to.
- No, no ew! Ew, ew!

- In the worst case
scenario, I could.

- Yeah, with a turkey baster.

- I'm so glad to
see you're on the mend.

- Yeah, yeah.

That physical therapy
has really helped.

And these babies
are life changing.

- Yes, they look
very comfortable.

- They are.

So, what did you
want to talk about?

- Is Arthur good?

How is he doing?

- Really well.

Sorry, I know that's not
what you want to hear.

- No, no, it's exactly
what I want to hear.

For real.

I'm ready to move on.

- Have you thought any more

about taking on another child?

- Girl, I have thought
about everything.

I had this idea of what my life

was gonna look like, right?

And then it changed.

It's all very disorientating.

I'm supposed to move
to Michigan in January.

- That sounds lovely.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it should be,
shouldn't it? Hm.

Can I ask you a
personal question?

- Well, I think we've moved
past this formality, so yes.

- How did you get into this?

This line of work.

And why?

- Um, I was married very young,

and then when we tried
to start our own family,

I had several miscarriages.

- I'm sorry.
- And you know,

most women do not talk
about that openly,

but disappointment really
took its toll on me.

And my relationship,
and you know.

So you can probably
guess where that ends.

But anyway, when I realized
that I wasn't gonna have

the family that
I had envisioned,

I set out to make do.

And this is me making do.

I get to help other
people create families.

Yeah, we learn to do the
best with what we have.

- Thank you again
for meeting me.

- Of course.

- I hope you know
that I really am happy

that Arthur is with his mom.

Like, for real.

- I know.

And I hope that you find what
you're looking for, Thomas.

- Me too.

You know, when I made
this appointment today,

I was a little worried

that I may not be brave enough

to go at this alone.

- It has nothing
to do with bravery.

- Right.

- Can I put your name
back on that list?

- No, no!

Babe.

Tell me this is a bad joke.

What happened to the
lakefront rental?

- Babe, the other
place had no charm.

- And?

- And it had bed bugs.

- I swear to God.
- I know.

- Will you please shut up.

It's been a minute.

That's hard.

Wait a second.

No, no, get out, get out.

- Okay okay.
- Okay fine.

- That's what happens
when you go to Michigan.

Okay.

- Oh my God, my leg's cramping.

Get up, get up, get up.

Charlie horse, cramp.

- I think we should stop.

There's something going on.

- I'm sorry.

Five years into being married,

and you have no idea your
husband reads tabloids.

- You want the latest issue?

- What? No.

Do you have a
subscription, or something?

- No, my publicist
sends them to me.

- Oh, your publicist.
- Yeah.

- We have a publicist now.

- Yes, you know about her.

You know, Valerie.

My agent connected us
once I got the gig.

Here on Lake Lies,
you know that.

- Hmm, I don't know her.

I have something to tell you.

- Yeah?

- I put my name back on a list

for fostering.

- What have you done?

- Hey.

Come on.

This is the best thing for me.

- For you.

- I have this whole speech

about how we can make
this work together.

- I don't think I can
be more clear with you.

- Look, I know what
you said, alright?

It's just we were happy before,

and we can be happy again,

if we-
- Stop!

I don't want another kid,

because I like the
way my life is now.

I don't need a kid
to fill a void,

because my life feels
whole, with you.

I don't-

I don't know what else
to tell you, Thomas.

Am I not enough for
you, is that it?

- You know what, I don't know.

- You're making such a mess
of things, you know that?

Why can't we build a
life around what we have?

- I wish we could.

I do, it would certainly
make everything a lot easier.

- Why don't you?

- Because I can't.

I mean, when we got married,

I had this whole idea

of what our life was
gonna look like, right?

It was gonna be you
and me, forever.

I never planned
on becoming a dad.

I didn't even know
it was possible.

Suddenly, I could be gay,

be married, and be a father?

It used to be being gay
only meant one thing.

And now, it can be anything.

But I can't go back.

I wish I could. I
thought I could.

But I can't.

And I'd always regret it.

I'm pretty sure you would, too.

And I'm sorry.

But I'd never be happy.

I mean, not really.

- I don't know what
else to tell you.

What is it you want?

- I don't know.

It just feels like sand is
slipping between my fingers,

and honestly, I
wish there wasn't an
urgency to all of this,

but it feels like
it's now or never.

- Is having a kid

the thing that matters
the most to you?

- I just want to feel
like I have options.

Like I have some sort
of say in any of this.

- Options.

Are you kidding?

You have plenty of options.

I mean, you're so privileged,

you don't even realize
that you can stand there

and agonize over all of this.

- Let's not forget
that it was you

who decided that kids
were off the table.

- That's not true.

- It is.
- That is not true!

You and I decided this.

You were devastated!

When Arthur went
back to his mom.

- I was!

I was devastated.

What about you?

- I didn't want to go through
something like that again

and lose you.

- Yeah, well, I-

I feel like I already lost you.

I do. And I'm sorry.

Maybe we just want
different things.

- How can you say that to me?

- I feel like I need
to have a choice.

You know, I've loved
that song my whole life.

I have no idea what it's about.

- I think it's a
song about yearning,

or longing for something,

and never quite
knowing what that is.

Either way, it's
a song about love.

- And loss.

I need to do this.

For me.

- I know.

- I've been in love

exactly three times in my life.

When people say
this type of thing,

it's implied that
love is finite.

First, I loved him.

Then I loved him.

Now I love him.

But love isn't finite.

It stretches on forever

like a blanket of
stars at nighttime.

My first love was Sam.

A journalist I met in college

who took me to the mountains
and made love to me,

for the first time.

The morning after,

as he lay sleeping next to me,

I said his name over
and over like a prayer.

Sam, Sam, Sam.

The most ordinary name
you've ever heard.

Years later, when he died

after a short
battle with cancer,

I wouldn't find out until
months after it happened,

but my love still exists.

Like a dream from
the night before.

And then, there's Oscar.

My huckleberry friend.

My husband.

I will never take
that word for granted.

And Arthur.

The son who was
never really mine.

Sometimes when
everything falls apart,

and I think to myself that
this can't be all there is,

I remember a poem I once read,

telling me what else
should I have done.

Doesn't everything die
at last and too soon?

Tell me, what is
it you plan to do

with your one wild
and precious life?

I don't know what's
gonna happen.

All I do know is that this
is never really all there is.

That possibility of
something more is wild.

And it's precious.

It's life.

- Hate to break it to you.

They're all fake.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- What is wrong with people?

Why?

- Alcohol is real, though.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

How are you doing?

- Ugh, why did I let
you drag me here?

- I think we told you there
would be a lot of food.

- Okay but, really?

I forget that your idea
of food is questionable.

Like, what is this?

- Shut your pretty little mouth.

- Stop.

- I thought you
loved New Years Eve.

- I do in the movies.

It's like, all tearful
reconciliations,

and Auld Lang Sin.

Syne, it's Syne, isn't it?

- It's Syne, girl, it's Syne.

- Fight club.

Lesbian fight club.

Lesbian fight club!

Lesbian fight club!
- This feels different.

- Lesbian fight club!
- This just feels different.

- Just shut it down!

- Hey honey, how
are you holding up?

- I'm okay, I'm fine.

- It's the food, isn't it?

- No, baby, no, it's good.

- Okay, okay.

Remind me, I've got
something for you later.

It's from the shop.

It's brownies, it's all butter.

Jules, keep your shirt on!

- I'm gonna go.

- Wait, no no no.
- It's fine.

- It's not even midnight yet.

I have no service.

- By the time that I call
a car and it gets here,

it will be.

So like, I'll kinda be here.

- Wait, you're gonna
be alone on New Years?

That's a big bummer.

- Girl, just enjoy
your night, okay?

Love you.
- I love you too.

Get home safe.

- Gross.

No.

No no no.

Hey, hey.

- Oh my God!

- Hey, I just-
- Hey.

- I had a missed
call from Laura,

and a voicemail, Laura
my social worker.

- 11, 10, 9.
- There's a baby.

There's a baby, she's
just a few months old,

and she's mine.
- Five, four, three.

- Like, mine if I want her.

Like totally mine.
- Two, one.

- No one else's.

I'm gonna be a dad.

- So this is her, huh?

- It is.

- Does she have a name?

- She was left at
the fire station.

No note, no name.

We've been calling her Eve,

since she was found
on New Years Eve.

I know that is very corny, but.

- No, it's perfect.

- Well when I got word,

I knew exactly who
she should be with.

- And what about her family?

- Well, with safe haven babies,

the parents renounce
all their rights.

So you can get immediately
to the adoption process,

and she will be legally
yours in a few months.

- The fact that Oscar
and I are separated is...

- Won't be an issue.

- No?

- You're gonna be great.

- Okay, poll time.

Paul thinks I should
sell my nudes online.

Yea or nay?

- Jamie.
- What?

- You're holding the baby.

- So?
- That's okay.

She doesn't understand
what he's saying.

I barely do.
- Oh.

Well in that case,
I'm all for it, Jamie.

- Wow, of course you are.

- What does that mean?

- It just means that
I'm pro sex work

and all that stuff,

and this one is stuck in
the dark ages of feminism.

- It's exploitation!

- No, okay yes.

Yes, in traditional
porn and sex work,

it was exploited.

But how are these new
platforms the same thing?

- Oh my God, it is
the commodification
of women's bodies!

- Just a reminder.
- They have agency, babe.

- I'm not a woman.
- Not yet, girl.

- How can we be expected
to make progress

when women are expected to
pedal their bodies for money?

- I will tell you how
we can make progress.

- Tell me.
- Like I always tell you.

- Oh my-
- Okay, you know what?

I changed my mind.

Let's actually just
not with the porn talk,

'cause baby.

- Okay, I'm sorry Thomas.

But this is the
future of feminism.

This is how it is.

- So what's the consensus?

Yes, no, maybe so?

Okay, we'll circle
back another day.

By the way, have anyone here

seen Britney's latest video?

- She's not sending
you secret messages.

- She is!
- She's not.

- What's going on with you?

- Nothing, mother.

I'm in a great mood.

Nothing's changed,
and I'm glad about it.

- Jamie's holding a baby.

Everything's changed.

- I mean, give it
a week, though.

- Have you called Oscar yet?

- Okay, we're done here.
- Oh, okay.

- Oh you're
taking the baby

so nobody slaps you.

- No, no, hey.

- Thomas!

- No, yes.

Shh, the baby is sleeping.

- No, the baby is not
sleeping, dingbat.

You have to tell
Oscar you have a baby!

- Okay.

- You need to tell him now!

- He will find out, I promise.

- The longer you wait, the
worse this is gonna get.

- Stop.

I'll tell him.

- Better.

Give me the baby,
I need to practice.

- Coming, she's coming.
- Come here.

- Woo! Woo!

- You're always taking
picture without you in 'em.

- I'm in them.

- Oscar.

You've been on my mind all day.

Your show came on earlier.

I heard your voice,

reaching out across the years.

And your face.

So strange, even after all this,

to remember that you used
to be something else, to me,

before you were mine.

Life can be so unexpected.

I sometimes think
that the last thought

to ever cross a
person's mind must be,

"Who would've known?"

I never expected to
marry you, Oscar.

But it happened.

And it changed my life.

It changed my life
for the better.

Because it led me here,

to this moment,

where I tell you
that I got a baby.

A daughter.

Daughter.

It feels so bittersweet
to say that word.

I know you'll have questions,

and someday I will be
ready to answer them,

but for now, just know
that her name is Eve.

Evey.

Know that someday
I will tell her

all about this time.

And the whole world fell apart,

and somehow made
something so beautiful,

and unexpected.

I'll tell her what it meant

to call you my husband,
and have it be true.

What it meant to
call myself her dad,

and have it be true.

I'll try to explain to her
the power in these words.

So simple and ordinary,
but fought for, fiercely.

I'll try to explain
all of these things.

There's already a word
so perfect and simple

that encompasses all of this.

Family.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi.

Yes.

Can you see?

Can you see?

- Good.

Hi.

- I've been waiting for you.