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1
00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,480
So, how did you two first meet?
Was it on the show?
2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,200
Er, yes. Well, pretty much.
I mean, just before, I guess.
3
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,160
Yeah, just before.
Well, probably just before.
4
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:09,840
Yeah, I think
I probably auditioned her.
5
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,680
No, he did not audition me.
Probably.
6
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,720
He did not.
OK, let's stop that right there.
7
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,960
Did he give you any advice?
Oh, he's never stopped.
8
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,680
He's at that age, though, isn't he?
It just goes on and on.
9
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,520
I think he keeps going
when I'm not in the room.
10
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,720
Yeah, just an old granddad,
really, droning on.
11
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,360
Yeah, it's true.
12
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,760
What was the first piece of advice
he gave you, then?
13
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,640
Erm...
14
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,160
He told me it was worth it.
15
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,640
This job,
16
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,000
he told me whatever you have
to wade through,
17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,520
this job is... is worth it.
18
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,320
Did I say that?
I don't remember saying that.
19
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,680
Well, you said it.
"Wade"? Did I say "wade"?
20
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,240
Yeah, you said "wade".
21
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,520
Was he right? Was it worth the wade?
22
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:26,880
ON TV: With respect...
23
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,440
With all respect, this is
a bit more than industrial action.
24
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,920
DOUGLAS: That's exactly what it is.
25
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,480
I'd say there's a real feeling
of moral fervour, wouldn't you?
26
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,920
I wouldn't say "fervour".
But you wouldn't say "moral"?
27
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,200
Surely, as a member
of the front bench...
28
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:42,200
Madeline, what are you watching
this for? There's cartoons on.
29
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,240
CARTOON PLAYING
30
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,240
ON TV: Your department is showing
signs of weakness. Do you agree?
31
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,240
I think you're being unreasonable. I
don't think I'm being unreasonable.
32
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,000
I'm just reflecting public opinion
and trying to get your reaction.
33
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,880
No, no, this is biased reporting.
This is typical, I regret to say,
34
00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,880
typical of the current trends
in broadcast...
35
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,760
Hi.
36
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,160
Hello there. Been waiting long?
37
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,760
Yeah, well, no,
I mean, kind of long.
38
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,360
What's the name?
Madeline.
39
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,720
Madeline. Lovely name.
Thanks.
40
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,160
People call you Maddy?
No.
41
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,240
Good. Because Madeline is great.
42
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,320
Erm, Mr Bellowes, I was wondering,
43
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,640
I'm hoping to work in the media,
in the news media.
44
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,720
And I was wondering
if you had any advice, or...
45
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,840
Work hard and be incredibly lucky.
That's all I've got.
46
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,600
OK. Thank you.
47
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,400
Give it a go, though.
48
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:56,840
OK.
49
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,560
So, who are you?
Victoria.
50
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,480
Victoria. Lovely name.
51
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,920
Can you go back a paragraph?
52
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,200
Yeah.
53
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,240
MAN: Can you check the messaging?
54
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,240
Can you change that to...
Just make sure that...
55
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,240
Make up.
Double check it from here, please.
56
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,400
Can we get the timing?
Can we get the timing?
57
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,640
Sorry, Madeline. I'll just go see
where Toby's got to.
58
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,760
Right, thank you.
59
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,720
Hi.
60
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,440
Are you a visitor, then?
61
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,080
Here watching how the magic happens?
62
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,600
Well. Kind of.
63
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,000
Ah, it's amazing, isn't it?
Yeah.
64
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,760
God, I remember
my first time in a studio. Ooh!
65
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,920
I might be coming to work here.
Oh, cool.
66
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,200
Nice.
67
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,560
Stick close to me. I'll keep you
right on who gets the tea first.
68
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,120
More on the presenting side.
69
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,520
Presenting?
Yeah.
70
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,800
Oh, that's great.
It's about time we had more...
71
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,360
..people. Presenting people.
72
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,640
What do you do?
73
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,440
Er, comedy. I'm on the comedy team.
74
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,000
For what?
Er, this show. This one.
75
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,440
I feed in comedy material.
Me and the team.
76
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:28,000
Is it funny, this show?
Er, yes.
77
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,120
Huh. Never thought of it as funny.
78
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,720
Yeah, nobody does, actually,
but they're wrong.
79
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,560
So I might end up
writing jokes for you, then.
80
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,480
I suppose so.
That'd be great.
81
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,760
Me and the team are
a right bunch of feminists.
82
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,720
We're all quite militant feminists,
actually, so watch out.
83
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,880
Any women on your team?
No. No, none.
84
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,920
Which is a pity, we'd love a few.
Oh, we're hungry for more women.
85
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,920
Ah, in a way, though,
86
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,720
comedy writers are sort of
like women, aren't they?
87
00:04:58,720 --> 00:04:59,960
Are they?
Yeah.
88
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,000
Comedy writers
are the women of the TV industry.
89
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,640
Aren't women
the women of the TV industry?
90
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,600
Yeah, but you know what I mean.
No.
91
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,240
Well, we're treated the same way
by society. How are we treated?
92
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,800
Well, it's like we're kept in boxes
93
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,880
and only taken out
when everybody wants a laugh.
94
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,200
You think women are kept in boxes?
Oh, no. God, no. Not me.
95
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,080
No, no, no. No boxes.
My women roam free.
96
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,880
Morgan, go away.
Yeah. Cool.
97
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,280
Toby sends his apologies.
He's got caught up.
98
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,480
Can you come in again tomorrow?
Sure. Yeah.
99
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,440
Here?
No, no. Not here.
100
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,440
He'll be at the awards thing
tomorrow night on the Southbank.
101
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,040
He'll meet you before about six.
Do you know the Plaza?
102
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,480
Well, that was quick.
I only went to the bathroom.
103
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,240
Oh, sorry. Yeah, you were
just faster than I was expecting.
104
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,960
OK. That's weird.
105
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,840
No, I just meant, you know,
faster than most...
106
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,120
Most what?
Anyway, where were we?
107
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,920
Well, I think
you were basically just saying
108
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,960
I'm unusually fast
at weeing for a woman.
109
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,840
That wasn't intended critically.
110
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,920
I'm more concerned
it was intended as a compliment.
111
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,480
Well, it absolutely was.
112
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,200
Is it part of the interview?
113
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,560
What?
Flow speed.
114
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,200
It's not an interview.
It's an informal chat.
115
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,000
Well, it was an informal wee.
116
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,320
Where's Julie?
Julie?
117
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:33,680
You said Julie was staying.
118
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,720
Er, yeah, she'll be back
in a minute. OK.
119
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,160
Nice room, this. Bloody huge.
120
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,200
Yeah.
I often stay here during the week.
121
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,960
I mean, the size of that loo.
Thank you.
122
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,000
Corner bath.
I know.
123
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,880
I love hotels. Do you love hotels?
Oh. They're OK.
124
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,400
Everything's sorted for you.
Convenience. Tidy.
125
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,160
Impersonal.
Yeah.
126
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,840
Now, as far as
this silly old job is concerned,
127
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,720
frankly,
you're verging on overqualified.
128
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,600
Thin, good hair, fast wees.
129
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,920
Madeline Crow, let me tell you,
130
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,680
there's a great deal more to you
than that.
131
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,200
Right. Good-oh!
132
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,400
Trust me.
133
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,160
OK. You know
when you're talking to someone,
134
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,920
and they're being a bit
self-deprecating,
135
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,800
but it would be insanely patronising
to start reassuring them
136
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,520
because really, they're just being
funny and not actually insecure?
137
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,600
Yeah.
That.
138
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,280
Yeah. Well.
139
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,600
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm being spiky.
140
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,960
I just say things. They just
come out. I can't help it. Fuck.
141
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,120
No, I completely understand.
Speak first, think later. That's me.
142
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,000
Hey, there's nothing wrong
with that. Well...
143
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,040
But I hope you realise
I wasn't being sexist.
144
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,440
Don't worry about it.
It all balances out.
145
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,600
You guys may have a speed advantage
on number ones,
146
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,600
but we are killing you
on number twos.
147
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,200
HE LAUGHS
148
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,840
Well, there you go.
This is my point.
149
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:49,960
What point?
150
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,960
Toilet humour. It's not a problem.
Why not? Good for you.
151
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,280
Thank you?
152
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,080
Do you know, it's funny.
When I got started...
153
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:58,840
No, I'm OK.
154
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,480
The old guys,
they always used to say to me
155
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,200
women in the workplace
made them tense.
156
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,360
That's...
Ridiculous.
157
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,400
..sociopathic.
158
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,840
Exactly.
You know what I say to them?
159
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,800
I like being tense.
160
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:09,920
OK.
161
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,680
So, we talked about university.
162
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,240
Yeah.
Impressive.
163
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,760
Thank you.
Good work.
164
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,040
Thanks. I mean,
it was ten years ago, but...
165
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,960
Any politics?
I'm sorry?
166
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,800
At uni, any political activity?
I mean, it doesn't matter,
167
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,640
but the press think
we're all a bunch of Trots,
168
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,800
so please let us know
if there's anything to dig up.
169
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,600
Well, I'm not a Trot.
Good, then.
170
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,440
Also not a member
of the Conservative Party.
171
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,960
Well, no.
I've considered it many times.
172
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,040
Oh, I suppose I shouldn't now, yeah?
173
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:39,920
The Conservative Party?
Yeah.
174
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,880
OK. Good, good, good.
175
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,400
Those are the... blue ones?
176
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,360
Yes, sorry, no, I...
177
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,880
I just assumed, you know,
your father was a Labour MP...
178
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,440
Yeah, but following
a freak accident,
179
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,440
I found myself developing
opinions of my own.
180
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,240
I don't think that was an accident.
No, I don't think it was either.
181
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,960
Do you get on with your dad?
I mean, despite the politics.
182
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,360
Does it cause any friction?
183
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,040
Of course I get on with him.
He's my dad. I love him.
184
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,440
That's good, isn't it?
185
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,720
Mm-hm. Kindest, most passionate man
in the world.
186
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,600
I mean, he's against
practically everything.
187
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,920
Always looking
for new minorities to support.
188
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,600
I don't think he'll be happy
until the whole world's a minority.
189
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,560
Well, you'll balance out all the
social justice warriors, I suppose.
190
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,240
I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm babbling.
191
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,160
It's the nerves. I'm sorry.
192
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,240
No, I completely understand that.
Really, I do.
193
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,720
Getting where you've got,
a woman your age. It's remarkable.
194
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,560
No, it's not.
Oh, it is.
195
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,720
There are plenty of women my age
doing lots of things.
196
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,840
Breaking through.
Well, just doing things.
197
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,960
Exactly. Good for them.
Good for all of you.
198
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,640
Thanks. I'll pass that along
at our next general meeting.
199
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,240
But you are gonna need support
out there.
200
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,880
You're gonna need friends. So,
please understand, I'm your ally.
201
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,200
I wasn't aware I needed one.
202
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,920
Don't look so frightened.
I'm not.
203
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,880
Would it surprise you to know
that I consider myself a feminist?
204
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,880
Yes. But good. Not that...
205
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,520
That's good. Well done.
206
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,320
KNOCK ON DOOR
207
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,280
Excuse me a moment.
Sure. Yeah. No problem.
208
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,280
Hurry up. You're not even changed.
We don't sit down for ages.
209
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,200
We're all in the bar.
Yeah, I'll be down in a bit.
210
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,000
No, come now.
Sheila's cross with me.
211
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,480
She'll pretend to be nice
if you're there. What have you done?
212
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,000
Nothing.
Douglas.
213
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,720
She said I wasn't listening.
To what?
214
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,240
I don't know. Oh, hi!
Hi.
215
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,320
Yeah, as you can see,
I'm in the middle of something.
216
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,160
Madeline Crow, yeah?
Yes. Hello.
217
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,160
Douglas Bellowes.
Well, yeah.
218
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,960
I know who you are. Obviously.
219
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,400
You did that thing, didn't you?
The thing we watched.
220
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,880
That was great. You were great.
Yeah, she was.
221
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,280
Thank you.
No, you were, really.
222
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,920
Coming from you, that means a lot.
223
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,960
Do you...?
No, I'm good, thanks.
224
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,000
Very wise.
225
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,560
I, erm... This may seem stupid,
but you signed my book once.
226
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,280
Well, er... your book.
227
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,080
Oh, great.
Yeah. Fangirl, right?
228
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,760
You should try finding an unsigned
copy, they're much rarer.
229
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,400
You can sell them on eBay.
SHE CHUCKLES
230
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,440
You gave me advice.
Oh, was it any use?
231
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,760
No, not really.
"Work hard and be lucky"?
232
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,680
I figured it was
a standard response.
233
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:31,200
You're gonna be needing one of those
soon. I hear talks are going on.
234
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,760
Is that right?
Plans are in progress, yes.
235
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,880
We're making them right now.
Good, I'm very pleased to hear it.
236
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,480
Yeah, it still has to go
to Geoff and Grace, so... Exciting!
237
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,120
Yeah, we really need
to be getting on with it.
238
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,920
We should meet up.
Yeah.
239
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,800
We should do that.
We should have a chat.
240
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,920
Anytime.
241
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,760
Douglas, I don't mean to rush you.
You're not rushing me.
242
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,080
We have a lot to get through.
Sheila's getting impatient.
243
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,120
Sheila's fine.
244
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,600
KNOCK ON DOOR
Shit. Come in.
245
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,880
Erm, Mum wants to know
where you are.
246
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,800
Well, did she send you specifically
here to ask where I am?
247
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,880
Because I'm sensing
a logical problem with that.
248
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,520
You're supposed to be in the bar.
249
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,280
Well, I'll come to the bar, then.
250
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,480
Sorry, Madeline. Got to go.
No worries.
251
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,080
I hope it all, you know, works out.
Yeah, me too. Thanks.
252
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,960
Oh, and my mum is...
253
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,920
Yeah, I'm her biggest fan, too.
OK.
254
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,880
Just tell her I think
her daughter's a little bit ageist.
255
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:20,920
Come on, then.
256
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,960
Why do I have to come to this thing?
Because I'm winning an award.
257
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,000
Why should YOU be winning an award?
Another old white man.
258
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,840
Well,
it's a lifetime achievement award.
259
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,120
And since it's my lifetime,
260
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,240
I'm the only one
they can feasibly give it to.
261
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,920
But that doesn't seem fair.
262
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,800
It will,
if you think about it a tiny bit.
263
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,320
Great to meet you, Madeline.
And you.
264
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,400
Good luck.
And if there's anything I can do...
265
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,200
Oh, any advice you've got?
266
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,880
I don't think you need
any advice from me.
267
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,240
I do.
268
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,920
I like her.
Your wife is waiting for you.
269
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,800
See you down there.
270
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,640
SHE GROANS
Douglas. Douglas. Douglas.
271
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,120
Why did I say that about my mum?
Oh, don't worry, he's used to that.
272
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,440
He carries a unique erotic charge
for the elderly.
273
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,760
He announces deaths.
274
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,080
My mum is 52,
275
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,440
but she doesn't give a damn
about him, it's me.
276
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,920
You?
Well, it's the face, isn't it?
277
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,680
I practically grew up
with that face.
278
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,960
If you're gonna be his co-presenter,
I should get that under control.
279
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,040
What, his face?
Your...
280
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,360
What?
..chemistry.
281
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,840
Chemistry? What chemistry?
For want of a better word.
282
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,480
Oh, no. No, I don't mean that.
Jesus.
283
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,880
Well, I'm relieved to hear it.
284
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,000
But he's him, you know,
top of his game.
285
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,040
National treasure,
all that crappy crap.
286
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,160
Yeah, well, he's known,
yeah, certainly.
287
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,040
But he's not swipe right material.
288
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,720
Oh, no, of course not.
Of course he isn't.
289
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,880
More like a mentor or something.
290
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,400
I don't think he should be a mentor.
291
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,640
Well, not actually my mentor.
Not looking for a mentor.
292
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,960
Yeah, you should look elsewhere.
I said I'm not looking for it.
293
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,080
Why?
Trust me.
294
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,240
No, tell me.
What, you mean you don't trust me?
295
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,280
Do you trust me?
Well, of course I do.
296
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,960
Good. Tell me, then.
297
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,960
Look, between you and me,
298
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,440
Douglas isn't like us.
299
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,040
Us?
Exactly.
300
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,520
Meaning?
301
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,400
Well, you and I
have an understanding, yeah?
302
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,400
OK.
We're like minds. We're in step.
303
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,480
We have a connection.
304
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,800
We met three weeks ago.
305
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,760
I know, it's amazing, isn't it?
What's amazing?
306
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:13,840
Now, Douglas...
307
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,400
I love Douglas, but...
do you want a drink, by the way?
308
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,560
No.
You sure?
309
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,480
Yeah.
Mind if I do?
310
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,560
What, is the meeting over?
311
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,240
No, I just thought
a drink might be nice.
312
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,880
Go ahead.
313
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,240
Well, your mates are waiting in the
bar. We can pick this up tomorrow.
314
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,240
I'd rather have a drink here.
315
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,280
OK.
With you.
316
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,600
And Julie?
317
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,400
Oh, no. She's gone home.
Sure I can't tempt you?
318
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,680
Yeah.
Too early for you, is it?
319
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,640
Oh, God.
You're not a non-drinker, are you?
320
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,400
Not at all. I just don't want one.
321
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,680
I can see you're determined
to keep me in line.
322
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,520
Well, you're gonna have to try
a lot harder.
323
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,200
I'm not trying at all.
Exactly.
324
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,600
So... To be honest,
I've already had a couple.
325
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,760
Yes.
326
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:57,200
Where were we?
327
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,040
Oh, yeah, Douglas. Douglas. Douglas.
328
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,920
What shall we do about Douglas?
329
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,720
Well, you could tell me about him.
330
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,840
It's possible
we'll be presenting together.
331
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,320
So if there's something I should
know, I'd like to know it now.
332
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,000
Right. Should we sit?
I'm fine.
333
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,880
No, sit, sit, sit.
Make yourself comfortable.
334
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,840
I've been sitting all day.
I know what you mean.
335
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,640
So, Douglas, then. What about him?
336
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:18,680
HE SIGHS
337
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,480
Well, you just saw him in action,
didn't you?
338
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,440
He seemed nice.
Yeah, nice.
339
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,720
That's it.
You put your finger on it.
340
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,520
My finger on what?
341
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,640
You're very quick. Yeah, nice.
342
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,720
He's always had difficulty
restraining his, er...
343
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:35,800
What should we call it?
344
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,520
No idea.
345
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,560
Enthusiasm.
For what?
346
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,240
Well, in this case, you.
I don't follow.
347
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,800
He's a married man.
He wasn't hitting on me.
348
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,800
Well, no,
I wouldn't say hitting on you.
349
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,200
Does he cheat on his wife?
Is that what you're saying?
350
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,760
Sheila? No, never.
I never said that.
351
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,320
So, he's a happily married man
352
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,960
who occasionally notices that
other women are also attractive?
353
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,720
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Why? I'm not.
354
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,240
Don't you notice
other women are attractive?
355
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,360
I'm not married.
OK.
356
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,000
Not any more. Back on the shelf,
as they say. Available.
357
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,560
Sorry to hear that.
358
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,240
Swipe right.
359
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,920
So, back to Douglas, then.
Yeah.
360
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,600
Yeah. Douglas. Come on. Sit.
Take the weight off. I'm fine.
361
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,640
No, sit, you're making me
uncomfortable standing over there.
362
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:28,680
Park your little bottom.
363
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,760
I'm really fine.
Come on, we're just chatting.
364
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,040
Look, either sit down or let me
get you a drink. One or the other.
365
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,520
Have mercy on an old man.
366
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,120
I'll get you a drink.
I don't want a drink.
367
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,720
Oh, just one, come on.
Really, I'm fine.
368
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,600
But we're very nearly celebrating.
369
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,600
Come on,
let's nearly celebrate together.
370
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,400
Oh, thanks very much.
Well done.
371
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,360
Cheers. Have a good evening.
372
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,240
Well done. Congratulations.
Thank you.
373
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,800
Have you seen Claudia?
She was here a second ago.
374
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,320
We need to keep an eye on her,
375
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,000
or she'll be out stopping oil
by stoning pensioners.
376
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,600
Madeline Crow.
What do you lot know about her?
377
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,800
Er... Young, smart, Scottish,
on the way up.
378
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,160
God's gift to the photo desk.
379
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,240
But we don't have anything
substantial on her. Nothing topless.
380
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,440
I just met her. Seems very nice.
What, is she here?
381
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,640
In Toby's room. He's interviewing
her for the presenting job.
382
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,440
He's interviewing her in his room?
383
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,640
Yeah, he does that.
He always does that.
384
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,640
OK.
Oh, it's nothing.
385
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,520
He uses that room like an office.
It's his thing.
386
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,160
OK, fine.
387
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,680
Go and talk to your agent.
Why?
388
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,160
Because if you don't, somebody else
might. And it's not fair on them.
389
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,840
Michael, can I borrow you
for a second? Ah, Sheila. Of course.
390
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,600
Well done.
Thank you so much.
391
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,120
Congratulations.
Thanks very much.
392
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,880
Ah, Douglas, the man of the moment.
Thank you.
393
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,640
We have to move quickly, exploit
this lifetime achievement award.
394
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,760
Don't you think?
Do we?
395
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,480
Well, lifetime achievement.
The window's closing.
396
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:10,520
Oh.
397
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,040
On the plus side, there are
relatively few lifetime achievers
398
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,280
still around to compete with,
399
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,000
and most of them are
verging on incapacity.
400
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,200
Bently...
401
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,920
You don't ever hear
anything about Toby, do you?
402
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,520
Toby?
My producer, Toby.
403
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,560
Oh, your boss?
My producer.
404
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,120
Do you ever hear anything about him?
Any stupid gossip?
405
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:33,080
Oh. Toby. Well, well.
406
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,760
Well, what?
407
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,560
Toby, Toby, Toby.
Yes, Toby.
408
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,600
Toby is as Toby does.
409
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,160
Are you just pretending
to know things now?
410
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,600
One has one's ear to the ground,
411
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,760
one's nose to the... bush telegraph.
412
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,720
Is that right, "Nose to the bush"?
413
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,400
"Nosing the bush" sounds a little...
414
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,200
BENTLY CHUCKLES
..doesn't it?
415
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,920
Have you actually heard anything?
416
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,000
Well, there's a general view
417
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,120
that Toby has certain attitudes.
418
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,080
What attitudes?
General ones.
419
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,560
To what?
Things.
420
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:14,040
Have you heard anything about Toby
and, well... women?
421
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,920
You mean he's not gay?
422
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,360
Well, he's just left his wife
after 25 years.
423
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,400
Well, that's the first sign.
Does he have dogs?
424
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,440
No, he doesn't have dogs,
425
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,360
he's not gay,
and he's just interviewing her.
426
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,960
He's probably
boring her half to death.
427
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,040
Excuse me?
Sorry, nothing.
428
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,680
Just a different conversation.
429
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,720
So...
430
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,320
..do you have lots of jokes
about me in your speech?
431
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,120
I'm bracing myself.
432
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,920
Well... not that many.
433
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,600
Would you like some?
434
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,720
Oh, dear.
What have I let myself in for?
435
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,360
Dreading it already.
436
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,160
SIRENS
437
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,720
Shall I just put it in front of you
in case you change your mind?
438
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,760
I don't think I will.
There. It's... optional.
439
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,960
Anyway. Douglas.
Yes, Douglas.
440
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,040
He seemed nice.
I like him. I admire him.
441
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,640
Now, Madeline, you admire
what you see on the screen,
442
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,000
and a lot of work goes into that.
443
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,880
You don't want to know
how the sausage is made.
444
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,280
No, I very specifically do.
Oh, you really don't.
445
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,960
Yes, I do.
All right, all right.
446
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,360
I can see who's gonna be
the real boss around here.
447
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,280
Tell me about the sausage.
448
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,520
Yeah, coming to that.
449
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,280
GLASSES CLINK
Cheers.
450
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,840
Cheers.
Oh, take a sip.
451
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,720
Honestly, I don't want a drink.
452
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,320
A tiny sip. You cheersed.
It's the law. I'm OK, thanks.
453
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,840
I don't want to call the police.
Don't, then.
454
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,960
You're making me drink for two here,
Madeline.
455
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,200
Come on, save me from myself.
456
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,000
I didn't think
that was part of the job.
457
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,400
Maybe it should be.
I really don't think so.
458
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,960
Do you know what? I agree with you.
459
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,640
Keeping me in line,
it's not your job.
460
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:09,920
Cheers. Take a sip.
461
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:15,840
Is it OK if I don't?
462
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,560
Oh, don't make me feel bad
when I'm trying to lighten the mood.
463
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,120
A tiny sip, that's all. Come on.
464
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,120
No, it's just...
A tiny, tiny sip.
465
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,280
I'm not telling you anything
about Douglas...
466
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,080
till you take a sip.
467
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,800
HE LAUGHS
Come on, Madeline.
468
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,440
We're just having a laugh here,
aren't we? Come on. Come on.
469
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,040
Teeny tiny sip.
Madeline can do it.
470
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,040
That's the way. Now the evening's
getting started, isn't it?
471
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,120
So, tell me about Douglas.
472
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,960
Yeah, I'm coming to him.
Now... you've been around a bit.
473
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,480
You've worked with a lot of men.
474
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,360
Yes. So you must be used to getting
a bit of, well, attention.
475
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,080
I suppose so. Yeah, it's the way
of the world, I'm afraid.
476
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,120
I'm not.
Good for you.
477
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,160
But since Douglas wasn't hitting
on me and he's faithful to his wife,
478
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,920
how is any of this relevant?
479
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,160
I'm talking generally.
480
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,920
Generally speaking, men must,
you know, what's the word?
481
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,640
Approach you.
Sometimes, yeah.
482
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,040
How do you handle it?
483
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,480
I just handle it.
484
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,360
It's just you and me here.
485
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,480
This is strictly between us,
Toby and Madeline.
486
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,160
Well, I... deflect them.
487
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,720
Good word, "deflect".
488
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,120
How?
489
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,040
Politely.
490
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,960
If they've been polite to me.
Not politely if they haven't.
491
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,360
Good, very good.
So, you keep yourself to yourself.
492
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,320
Alternatively, if they're pretty
and nice, I might take them home.
493
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,280
HE LAUGHS
Oh, very good.
494
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,560
Sex jokes, that's the spirit.
495
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,840
I wasn't joking.
Well, why would you be joking?
496
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,000
I mean, you're a modern woman,
for God's sake.
497
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,200
You put it about a bit.
I have relationships.
498
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,640
And no-one should be judging you.
499
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,960
I didn't think anyone was.
Well, they should cut it out.
500
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,760
What actually
are we talking about here?
501
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,560
I'm coming to that.
I'm coming right to that.
502
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,840
Oh, hang on.
HE CLEARS THROAT
503
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,400
HE HUMS
504
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,320
Er...
God, you are stubborn, aren't you?
505
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,800
You're so like me at times,
it's not even funny.
506
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,400
I'm not being stubborn.
I just don't know what you mean.
507
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,160
OK, OK. You're the boss.
508
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,040
I can see that's how it's gonna be
around here.
509
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,080
Right, I'll give it to you straight.
Plain talking, how about that?
510
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,440
WATER RUNS
511
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,320
No, no, sit down.
I'll be right back.
512
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,560
Maybe I should go.
Go? Why?
513
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,960
Well, you're running a bath.
514
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,320
Yeah, sorry about that.
I'm a bit pressed for time.
515
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,080
I hate showers, don't you?
516
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,960
I always prefer
a proper British bath.
517
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,480
OK, I'll let you get on with it.
No, no. Sit.
518
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,640
It'll be ages running.
You see the size of that thing?
519
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,920
Not sure how many people
they're expecting to get in it.
520
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,080
Well, you need to get ready.
Oh, no. Sit.
521
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:10,680
Please.
522
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,320
So, this decision
is basically down to me.
523
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,200
My recommendation carries it.
524
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,280
Either way, if you get the job,
525
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,680
if you don't get the job,
my fault, OK?
526
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:31,160
OK. And the thing is,
I am mostly convinced.
527
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,600
You've mostly convinced me.
528
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,560
In the main,
I think you're extraordinary.
529
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960
I see a lot of myself in you,
seriously.
530
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:41,480
But I do want to know,
given the Douglases of this world...
531
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:43,920
..how robust are you?
532
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,480
I'd say I'm robust.
533
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,200
I thought the same, I did,
534
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,680
but you're not looking very robust
at the moment.
535
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,760
And you look a little... freaked.
536
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,760
Is this a test?
Of course it's not a test.
537
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:04,680
I'm not freaked.
538
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,720
So, please try to understand
539
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,280
why I'm asking the things
that I'm asking.
540
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,880
I don't know WHAT you're asking.
OK.
541
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,760
The way men talk sometimes,
542
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,400
the way they behave,
the way they joke,
543
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,760
even the way they look at you.
544
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,000
You know, this whole world
of entitled masculinity, Madeline...
545
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,280
..does it ever get on your tits?
546
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,080
I cope.
547
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,600
It gets on my tits.
Does it ever get on your tits?
548
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,040
As I said, I cope.
549
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,080
I didn't ask you if you can cope.
I know you can cope.
550
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,280
I asked,
"Does it ever get on your tits?"
551
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,280
It's not a major problem for me,
however I feel about it.
552
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,440
Does it bother you,
me saying tits?
553
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,360
Madeline, does it bother you?
554
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,760
It's like my dad saying it.
555
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,240
Exactly. It's no more than that.
It's just a word, right?
556
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,960
Tits. Tits. Just a word, isn't it?
557
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,480
It's just a word, yeah.
558
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,000
Yeah. I mean, you say it.
You say tits.
559
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,840
What, now?
No. No, generally.
560
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,640
I mean, in general,
it's a word you would use.
561
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,400
You'd say tits.
I'm sure I have said it, yeah.
562
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,400
Yeah. No, actually, yeah,
no, do say it.
563
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,120
Say it. Say now. Say tits.
Why?
564
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,680
Well, because I've said it, and...
565
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,040
..and I'm feeling stupid,
like I might have offended you.
566
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,040
Don't make me feel stupid.
That's not fair.
567
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,280
Come on, don't pour cold water
over everything. Say it.
568
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,680
Say the word. Say tits.
569
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,280
Are you playing games with me?
570
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,640
Of course I'm not playing games.
SHE EXHALES
571
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:54,720
Is this...?
Are you checking if I'm... robust?
572
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,040
Why? Are you not robust?
573
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,880
OK, could you just explain
what relevance this has
574
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,360
to a conversation about Douglas?
575
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,640
Hmm.
576
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,960
You do want this job, don't you?
577
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,680
HE TUTS
I mean, you want it... enough.
578
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,920
I want it far too much.
579
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,880
Which is why I'm asking
about Douglas.
580
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,960
It's not all about him.
I didn't say it was.
581
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,040
HE SIGHS
All right.
582
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,240
Douglas is a fine man in many ways,
583
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,440
but he has a certain background.
584
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,400
He has certain attitudes to life.
585
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,760
He's not like us.
You keep saying "us".
586
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,360
I know. It's amazing
how that just happens, isn't it?
587
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,320
Let me put it another way.
588
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,440
You're a feminist.
God knows I'm a feminist.
589
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,320
Douglas, whatever he imagines,
590
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,160
he will never ever be a feminist.
591
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:51,720
HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
592
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:52,800
Fine.
593
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,360
Fine?
594
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,680
How can you be
so beautifully tolerant?
595
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,080
Because I don't really care.
596
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,480
I'm sorry? I don't really care
if he's a feminist.
597
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:08,800
But you're a feminist.
598
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,560
I suppose so.
You suppose so?
599
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,040
Is it mandatory?
Well, it should be.
600
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,720
What, because I'm a woman? If I
ruled the world, I'd pass a law.
601
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,440
A law just for women,
passed by a man? Well...
602
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,640
Look, as a man speaking as a man,
yes, I would call myself,
603
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,520
without hesitation,
an ardent and committed feminist.
604
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,080
OK.
What would you call yourself?
605
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,280
A journalist.
606
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:29,360
WATER GURGLES
607
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,520
Your bath is nearly full.
I'm sorry?
608
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,680
By the sound of it,
I think your bath is about full.
609
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,400
Is it?
By the sound of it, yeah.
610
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:38,680
Mm.
611
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,760
Can't get your mind off flow speed,
can you, you naughty girl?
612
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,480
I was thinking I should, er,
I should probably...
613
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,280
Could you check it for me?
Excuse me?
614
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,880
The bath. Could you check it?
I don't want it overflowing.
615
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,560
It's fine.
It's, er, it's about half full.
616
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,480
Could you stick some bath salts in?
I forgot.
617
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,440
I'm sorry?
Put some bath salts in.
618
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:25,680
There's some on the side.
619
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,240
Which one? Oh, I don't know.
What's your favourite scent?
620
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,560
I don't have one.
Pick one for me.
621
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,960
Whatever it is,
that'll be my scent. Our scent.
622
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,880
I'd better go. Let you get ready.
What did you mean, "Not a feminist"?
623
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,120
I didn't say I wasn't.
Well, you kind of did.
624
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,960
No, I said,
"I suppose I am a feminist."
625
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,960
I don't really think about it.
Oh.
626
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,960
Clearly,
we're gonna be arguing a lot.
627
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,880
They'll be pulling us
off each other.
628
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,680
So, come on.
Explain yourself, young lady.
629
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,840
How can you
not really think about feminism?
630
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,160
Could you stop that?
Stop what?
631
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,480
You seem to be...
What? Undressing.
632
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,200
Well, I'm gonna have a bath.
633
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:34,640
Fine. I'll leave.
634
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,200
You can't leave on that bombshell.
I can't see how any sane woman
635
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,920
wouldn't be in favour
of women's rights.
636
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,800
To be fair,
you have to explain that.
637
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,440
Please don't speculate on my sanity.
638
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,760
Please don't tell me
what I can and cannot think,
639
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,040
and don't ever, ever tell me
what I have to do.
640
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,040
Oh, some fire at last.
That's what I'm talking about.
641
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,120
HE GRUNTS
642
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,920
God, could you give me a hand?
With what?
643
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,280
Cuff links.
I'm hopeless with cuff links.
644
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,720
I don't think that's appropriate.
They're only cuff links.
645
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:13,760
"Appropriate." I'd like to
hear you say that out in a war zone,
646
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:16,280
sharing a chemical toilet
with 20 hairy squaddies.
647
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,680
Oh, she's done that before.
We're not in a war zone.
648
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,200
Yes, you and me, though.
649
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,080
Everywhere is a war zone
with us two, right?
650
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,080
You keep saying "us".
Stop saying "us".
651
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,840
And can you stop undressing?!
652
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,280
Look, turn your back if you're
determined to be a snowflake.
653
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:33,760
I really don't need to be watched.
654
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,480
I'd prefer it if you didn't,
in fact.
655
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:45,920
Well, say something.
656
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,280
Say what?
Something nice!
657
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,400
Stop killing the mood.
658
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,920
Thank you for a stimulating meeting.
659
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,360
I very much hope I get the job
660
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:58,360
and look forward
to working with you and Douglas,
661
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,120
but now I think it would be better
if I left.
662
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,800
You can leave any time you want,
no problem. Thank you.
663
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,040
But first, women's rights. Discuss.
I'm seeing you tomorrow.
664
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,760
This job you want so much
is all about having a dialogue,
665
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,800
the kind of dialogue
we're having right now,
666
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,880
so tell me what you mean
and you can go.
667
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,160
Come on, we're talking.
We always enjoy talking.
668
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,960
Women's rights.
Specifically women's. Exactly.
669
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,040
Do you have rights?
Yes.
670
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,320
Do you have any rights
I don't have? No, of course not.
671
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,520
Do I have any rights you don't have?
Well, no.
672
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,960
We have the same rights, then,
so we call those human rights.
673
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,320
Any other subdivision or category
or descriptor is unnecessary,
674
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,000
not to mention patronising
and presumptuous.
675
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,880
Good, very good. You are a feminist.
676
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,880
Never said I wasn't.
You want equality?
677
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,240
Are you granting me equality?
Of course I am.
678
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,800
Huh, I'm confused. How come
I wasn't equal in the first place?
679
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,320
How come I needed YOU for that?
680
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,120
Because that doesn't sound
very equal to me.
681
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,560
Plenty of places in the world
women don't have equal rights.
682
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,560
I agree. What have you done
about that lately,
683
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,560
or might that limit
where you go on holiday?
684
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,200
Oh, now we're cooking!
This is the stuff.
685
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,600
See you tomorrow.
Wait, where are you going?
686
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,800
I just heard you undo your belt,
and I'm leaving.
687
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,400
What happened to robust?
Nothing.
688
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,640
Robust means that I will
never mention any of this again
689
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:06,760
if you don't.
690
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,080
Mention what?
691
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,960
Oh, for God's sake! You don't think
I'm propositioning you, do you?
692
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,920
I don't think anything.
I'm just leaving.
693
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,080
That's a very unpleasant accusation
to make.
694
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,240
I think you might want
to think twice about that one.
695
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,680
I'm not accusing you.
696
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,160
I couldn't work with someone
who thought that about me.
697
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,480
I'm just leaving.
That's all I'm doing.
698
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,680
WHISPERING: Wait, wait, wait.
This is...
699
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:31,880
HE EXHALES
700
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,520
This is silly.
I mean, look at the two of us.
701
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,640
We've both been drinking.
I haven't been drinking.
702
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,280
You don't have to go.
I do, and I'm going!
703
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:40,360
I'll go.
704
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,000
I am stepping into the bathroom, OK?
705
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,520
I'll change in here.
706
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,560
I'll leave the door a little open
so we can talk.
707
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,880
No peeking.
708
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:53,480
We can talk tomorrow.
709
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,440
No, no, no, you can't leave
on that unpleasant note.
710
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,720
Not after an accusation like that.
711
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,440
I won't be able to sleep.
712
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:03,880
Don't do that to me, Madeline.
Don't be unfair.
713
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,960
WATER SLOSHES
714
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:16,560
HE GROANS
715
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,360
So, are we friends again,
Madeline?
716
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:25,240
Are we friends again?
717
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:29,960
SHE INHALES
Yes.
718
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,320
Good. Can you come a bit closer
to the door so I can hear you?
719
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,040
Oh, will you bring my, er,
the papers on the table?
720
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:37,240
Just the ones on top.
721
00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:39,640
Oh, and I forgot my drink,
if you don't mind.
722
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,680
SOUND DISTORTS
Bring yours, too, if you want.
723
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,400
KNOCK ON DOOR
Whoever that is, get rid of them.
724
00:34:46,720 --> 00:34:48,040
DOUGLAS: Hello?
725
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,000
SHE INHALES
726
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,120
Oh. Where's Toby?
727
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,680
Er, he's in the bathroom.
728
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,200
Well, it was you I was looking for,
anyway. Come for a drink.
729
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,280
Come and meet everyone.
730
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,840
Listen, I'm not sure this is, er...
I'm not sure it's gonna work out.
731
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,200
Yeah, but you don't want
to get stuck here with fossil man.
732
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,200
Why don't you...?
733
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,040
Listen, it doesn't matter.
It was just a thought.
734
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,080
Why did you come back?
No reason.
735
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,800
I'll leave you to it.
See you soon, I hope.
736
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,520
I mean, good luck with it all.
737
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,120
Really, best of luck. It's worth it.
738
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,200
Whatever shit
you have to wade through,
739
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,640
it really is worth it.
740
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,160
CLOCK TICKS
741
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:20,720
Thanks.
742
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,480
PHONE BUZZES
743
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:26,680
Has yours?
Yeah.
744
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,640
No, we had one cancelled yesterday.
Seriously?
745
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,040
Because... Er...
746
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,000
Are you OK?
747
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,240
Yeah, yeah. Just got a DM.
748
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:39,480
Who from?
749
00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:42,160
Just someone who works for my dad.
750
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:52,280
Hi. Hi, everyone.
DOUGLAS: Hi, Madeline.
751
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,560
Or do I call you Emily?
752
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,240
No, Kirsty. She's Scottish.
Yeah, Kirsty.
753
00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:02,480
Oh, hello, Sheila. Come to watch?
This is gonna be fun, yeah (?)
754
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,040
Sheila,
should we go to the viewing room?
755
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,000
We can watch from there.
Sure.
756
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,480
Hey.
757
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,160
Hey.
758
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,240
God, this is ridiculous, isn't it?
759
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,480
I mean, you interviewing me.
760
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,040
I mean, rehearsing me.
761
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,240
Helping me, obviously.
762
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:02,640
But it's also ridiculous,
isn't it?
763
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,920
I mean, how can there be
all this fuss about a stupid joke?
764
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,040
CLOCK TICKS
765
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,800
It wasn't a joke, though, was it?
766
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,880
It was a story...
767
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,600
and they all laughed,
all those men laughed.
768
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:23,960
And the story you told them
was about me.
769
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,080
MAN: 'OK, studio, here we go.
Three...'
770
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,120
BELL RINGS
'..two, one.'
771
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,640
Stop!
772
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,720
And I know exactly what you said.
773
00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:36,280
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