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1
00:00:02,983 --> 00:00:07,249
(music) Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:11,257
(music) Traveled down the road and back again
3
00:00:11,325 --> 00:00:12,724
(music) Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:17,662
(music) You're a pal and a confidant
5
00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:21,724
(music) And if you threw a party
6
00:00:21,802 --> 00:00:26,068
(music) Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:26,139 --> 00:00:27,868
(music) You would see
8
00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:30,535
(music) The biggest gift would be from me
9
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,475
(music) And the card attached would say
10
00:00:32,546 --> 00:00:37,108
(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)
11
00:00:58,038 --> 00:00:59,232
Hi, Ma.
12
00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:03,705
- What are you making?
- History.
13
00:01:04,444 --> 00:01:07,607
You finally perfected
your non-rolling meatball?
14
00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:11,412
Just because you have a chin
doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.
15
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,348
Ooh, what smells so good in here?
16
00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:17,890
Besides me?
17
00:01:19,092 --> 00:01:20,719
Lasagna ala Sophia.
18
00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:23,763
I made it for the Daughters
of Italy cooking contest.
19
00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:24,956
[Sniffing]
20
00:01:25,031 --> 00:01:28,296
All right, all right.
You twisted my arm.
21
00:01:31,872 --> 00:01:33,863
- It's good.
- It's delicious.
22
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,067
It's garbage.
23
00:01:36,143 --> 00:01:37,667
No, what are you talking about?
24
00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:40,178
You can't fool me. I watched your faces.
25
00:01:40,247 --> 00:01:42,943
- Neither one of you got the look.
- What look?
26
00:01:43,016 --> 00:01:45,348
The look that every cook
knows and dreams about.
27
00:01:45,419 --> 00:01:48,047
The look of total instant pleasure.
28
00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:50,646
Your father put that look
on my face once.
29
00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:53,517
That's nice, Ma.
30
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:55,384
Nice? I said once.
31
00:01:55,462 --> 00:01:57,089
We were married 52 years.
32
00:01:59,699 --> 00:02:02,964
- The mail's here.
- Rose, what's wrong?
33
00:02:03,036 --> 00:02:05,436
Oh, nothing. It's just a letter I got.
34
00:02:05,505 --> 00:02:07,871
- It's bad news.
- Oh, that's eerie.
35
00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:10,068
I had the same feeling.
36
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,646
My Aunt Gretchen
in Fort Lauderdale died.
37
00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:19,150
- Oh, Rose.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
38
00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:20,743
Were you close to Aunt Gretchen?
39
00:02:20,821 --> 00:02:23,346
No, I couldn't stand her.
40
00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:29,522
Wait a minute, Rose.
41
00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:33,896
Honey, if you didn't like your
aunt, why are you so upset?
42
00:02:33,967 --> 00:02:36,492
Because I have to speak at her funeral.
43
00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:39,202
I'm terrified of speaking
in front of people.
44
00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:40,899
It's my biggest fear in the world.
45
00:02:40,974 --> 00:02:42,999
Why can't somebody else speak?
46
00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:45,203
Generptionloken.
47
00:02:47,948 --> 00:02:49,939
It's a family tradition.
48
00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:52,951
It means the oldest niece
has to give the eulogy.
49
00:02:53,487 --> 00:02:55,148
Well, not literally.
50
00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:58,919
Literally, it's a herring poacher
you can wear as a sun visor.
51
00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:04,060
The family got together and they
decided that was close enough.
52
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:06,496
Rose, I take it that
no member of your family
53
00:03:06,566 --> 00:03:10,127
was ever a returning
champion on Jeopardy.
54
00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:16,533
Anyway, that's why I have to speak.
55
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:19,977
How I've dreaded this day
coming. I just can't do it!
56
00:03:20,046 --> 00:03:22,014
Rose, calm down. Honey, now listen.
57
00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:24,346
I know an easy way to get through this.
58
00:03:24,417 --> 00:03:28,376
The way to relax when you have
to speak in front of a group
59
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:32,755
is to imagine what they
all look like naked.
60
00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,363
- Really?
- [Dorothy] Yep.
61
00:03:38,431 --> 00:03:42,697
And if you do it right, you'll
probably even start to laugh.
62
00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:16,397
[Dorothy] Hi, Ma.
Hey, what is that smell?
63
00:04:16,469 --> 00:04:18,562
The sweet smell of success.
64
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,697
It's my new entry
in the cooking contest.
65
00:04:20,774 --> 00:04:23,174
Veal parmesan, my luckiest dish.
66
00:04:23,243 --> 00:04:24,767
It saved my marriage once.
67
00:04:25,211 --> 00:04:26,803
Ma, you gonna tell a story?
68
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,474
Please, does Heifetz rosin a bow?
69
00:04:30,884 --> 00:04:32,249
This is a tearjerker.
70
00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:34,580
Picture this.
71
00:04:34,654 --> 00:04:38,055
New York City, 1931. The Depression.
72
00:04:38,124 --> 00:04:39,989
Your father and I are newlyweds.
73
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:42,119
One rainy night,
we have our first fight.
74
00:04:42,195 --> 00:04:44,186
He says he's leaving, I say fine.
75
00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:46,164
He goes out the door, I start to cook.
76
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:49,763
A few hours later, he comes back.
77
00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,100
He says he couldn't find a cab.
78
00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:54,536
We eat in silence.
79
00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:57,509
Halfway through, I look up.
He's got tears in his eyes.
80
00:04:57,978 --> 00:05:02,210
He tells me,
"This meal is like our marriage."
81
00:05:02,282 --> 00:05:05,251
The veal is like him,
tough and stubborn.
82
00:05:05,318 --> 00:05:07,843
The tomato sauce is like me,
hot and spicy.
83
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:11,119
And the mozzarella is like our love:
84
00:05:11,191 --> 00:05:14,422
It stretches but it never breaks.
85
00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:18,487
Ma, that's lovely, but I don't
see what luck had to do with it.
86
00:05:18,565 --> 00:05:20,965
You were conceived that night,
Dorothy.
87
00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:23,367
Ma...
88
00:05:23,436 --> 00:05:25,370
What's lucky is your father never knew
89
00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,633
or he never would
have eaten my veal again.
90
00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:34,573
Oh, honey, now you'll just do fine.
91
00:05:34,648 --> 00:05:35,808
No, I won't.
92
00:05:35,882 --> 00:05:38,112
I remember the last time
I tried to give a speech.
93
00:05:38,184 --> 00:05:40,414
I was in high school.
You wanna hear about it?
94
00:05:40,487 --> 00:05:43,320
Would you follow us if we
tried to make a run for it?
95
00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:45,249
Yes.
96
00:05:47,727 --> 00:05:50,491
It was my high school graduation.
97
00:05:50,563 --> 00:05:53,794
- I was valedictorian.
- You were valedictorian?
98
00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:58,702
Yes. I was fourth out
of 19 graduating seniors.
99
00:05:59,339 --> 00:06:01,967
- Anyway...
- [stammering] Wait a minute.
100
00:06:02,042 --> 00:06:05,534
Rose, if you were fourth, how
were you chosen valedictorian?
101
00:06:05,612 --> 00:06:09,070
The same way every high school
chooses the valedictorian.
102
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,515
We drew straws.
103
00:06:12,652 --> 00:06:14,347
And you picked the biggest one.
104
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:15,979
I don't like to brag...
105
00:06:16,923 --> 00:06:20,188
Anyway, the topic of my speech
106
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,558
was "There's a big world out there
107
00:06:22,629 --> 00:06:26,429
but you have to change buses
in Tyler's Landing to see it."
108
00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:31,629
Graduation day came
and everybody was there.
109
00:06:31,705 --> 00:06:34,037
The mayor was there, his wife,
110
00:06:34,107 --> 00:06:40,012
old Johannson, young Johannson,
big and little Gustav,
111
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,981
the Stringmeyer twins, fat Jerry...
112
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,916
Will you get to the point, Rose?
113
00:06:45,985 --> 00:06:49,386
The point is I choked.
Roped out, froze on the spot.
114
00:06:49,456 --> 00:06:52,983
Since then, I've never been able
to speak in front of a crowd.
115
00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:56,085
I say next time, we try and outrun her.
116
00:06:59,365 --> 00:07:02,960
Listen. You're not the only
one who's gone through this.
117
00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:05,061
I had a phobia too.
118
00:07:05,138 --> 00:07:07,629
You, Dorothy?
You were afraid of something?
119
00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:10,608
Big, old, strong,
strapping thing like you?
120
00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:13,574
Who am I, Joe Frasier?
121
00:07:15,882 --> 00:07:17,782
I had a fear of flying, Rose.
122
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:20,285
And my sister, Gloria,
got married in California.
123
00:07:20,353 --> 00:07:24,517
Course I had to go.
So I got myself some therapy.
124
00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,149
And it worked.
125
00:07:26,226 --> 00:07:27,818
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
126
00:07:27,894 --> 00:07:30,692
Everybody is afraid of something.
127
00:07:30,997 --> 00:07:32,862
What are you afraid of, Blanche?
128
00:07:32,932 --> 00:07:35,162
Nothing.
129
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:39,103
You're a real team player,
aren't you, Blanche?
130
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:42,573
I'm not afraid of anything now.
But I sure used to be.
131
00:07:42,642 --> 00:07:45,634
Not a phobia, exactly,
but something just as bad.
132
00:07:45,712 --> 00:07:47,646
A recurring dream.
133
00:07:47,714 --> 00:07:50,148
Night after night,
I had this awful dream
134
00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:54,312
that I was trapped in an
enclosed space full of men.
135
00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:58,287
Now what could that mean?
136
00:08:01,127 --> 00:08:03,652
- Let's give this a second.
- Now, wait a minute.
137
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:05,357
There's more to it.
138
00:08:05,431 --> 00:08:07,797
All the men were bald.
139
00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:12,062
Just me and a bunch of bald men.
140
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:14,572
Oh, and I kept hearing the voice of God.
141
00:08:15,642 --> 00:08:17,940
Anyway, one day I just
finally said to myself:
142
00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:19,740
"Blanche, you are bigger than this.
143
00:08:19,813 --> 00:08:22,111
You don't have to succumb to any dream.
144
00:08:22,182 --> 00:08:25,515
Unless it involves meeting
Mel Gibson at an oyster bar."
145
00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:28,386
And just like that it stopped.
146
00:08:28,454 --> 00:08:30,786
Mind over matter, you can
do the same thing, Rose.
147
00:08:30,857 --> 00:08:32,791
- I don't know.
- [Dorothy] Oh, come on.
148
00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,759
Of course you can. Think positively.
149
00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:37,422
That's right. Listen, why don't
you go to your room now
150
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:39,727
and start working on your
speech and in a while
151
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,427
you can try it out in front
of me and Dorothy, okay?
152
00:08:42,502 --> 00:08:45,198
- Okay.
- Yes, go on. Go on!
153
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,102
Go on.
154
00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:50,432
I'm gonna tell you something.
155
00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:53,775
I'm sure glad I am not in her shoes.
156
00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:56,975
Oh, I'd hate to have to give a eulogy.
157
00:08:58,251 --> 00:09:00,242
What if it was my eulogy?
158
00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:04,684
- What?
- What if you were giving
159
00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:07,954
a eulogy for me? What would you say?
160
00:09:08,027 --> 00:09:11,986
- Oh, come on, Blanche.
- I'm serious, Dorothy.
161
00:09:12,065 --> 00:09:13,999
What would you say?
162
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:17,127
Well, I... I guess I'd say that
163
00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:21,230
you were a lovely generous person.
164
00:09:21,307 --> 00:09:24,435
And, you know,
one of the best friends I ever had.
165
00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:26,273
Nothing about my looks.
166
00:09:28,248 --> 00:09:31,149
Well, I'd say that you were one
of the prettiest friends...
167
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:34,846
- "One of'?
- "The," Blanche.
168
00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:36,650
The prettiest.
169
00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:39,180
What would you say about me?
170
00:09:39,259 --> 00:09:42,695
- Dorothy, come on.
- I told you, you can tell me.
171
00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:44,252
All right.
172
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,821
Well, I would say
173
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:50,427
I always felt safe
having you in the house.
174
00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:58,933
And...
175
00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:01,810
I would say I always
enjoyed talking to you
176
00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:05,510
when I'd come home from
one of my numerous dates.
177
00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:07,052
And...
178
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:12,057
I would say I always looked up
to you like an older sister.
179
00:10:16,095 --> 00:10:19,087
Thank you, Blanche.
180
00:10:19,165 --> 00:10:21,190
Oh, and I forgot one thing.
181
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,462
I would also say you're fat.
182
00:10:40,086 --> 00:10:42,611
I'm ready to practice my eulogy.
183
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,714
Blanche, if you'll
stand by the barbecue.
184
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:47,157
- That's where Aunt Lib will be.
- Where should I be?
185
00:10:47,226 --> 00:10:49,990
Right there. That's where
Uncle Gunther will be.
186
00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:51,655
Oh, and it would help if you'd hum.
187
00:10:52,131 --> 00:10:55,191
Is that part of the Viking funeral?
188
00:10:55,268 --> 00:10:57,702
No, Uncle Gunther just hums a lot.
189
00:10:57,770 --> 00:11:02,139
If he has something important
to say he spells it out in salt.
190
00:11:02,575 --> 00:11:05,510
Unless he's quoting
a song by the Four Tops.
191
00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:08,877
- Then he spells it out...
- [Both] In pepper.
192
00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:11,542
Rose, can we just get
on with the speech?
193
00:11:11,617 --> 00:11:14,677
Okay. Um...
194
00:11:14,754 --> 00:11:17,416
Friends, family,
195
00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:20,516
Aunt Gretchen was a special person.
196
00:11:20,593 --> 00:11:22,117
She...
197
00:11:22,195 --> 00:11:24,686
She...
198
00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:26,254
What's the point? I can't do it.
199
00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:29,165
- Of course you can, Rose.
- You were doing just fine.
200
00:11:29,235 --> 00:11:30,862
That's because you were here.
201
00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:34,134
Tomorrow, I'll be out there all
alone, staring at my relatives,
202
00:11:34,207 --> 00:11:38,041
who'll be ready to hoot and snicker
at the first crack in my voice.
203
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,476
They'll think I'm an idiot.
204
00:11:39,545 --> 00:11:41,240
Please, it's family.
205
00:11:41,314 --> 00:11:43,373
They know you're an idiot.
206
00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:47,742
There's only one way I'm
gonna get through this.
207
00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,516
If you two will come with me
to the funeral for support.
208
00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:54,822
Oh, will you do it? Please,
Blanche. Please, Dorothy.
209
00:11:54,894 --> 00:11:57,590
- Please, Blanche.
- I will if Dorothy will.
210
00:11:58,798 --> 00:12:00,288
Please!
211
00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:07,538
If you really think it'll help,
Rose, of course we'll do it.
212
00:12:07,607 --> 00:12:11,600
Oh, thank you. You are the
best friends I've ever had.
213
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,508
Before I lose the nerve,
214
00:12:13,579 --> 00:12:15,570
I better make the plane reservations.
215
00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:17,513
Did she say "plane reservations"?
216
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:19,642
I thought her aunt lived
in Fort Lauderdale.
217
00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:22,449
She did, big mouth. But she's
being buried in the Bahamas
218
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,921
where she spent her winters.
219
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:27,949
Damn. I don't have one thing
in black that isn't see-through.
220
00:12:31,564 --> 00:12:34,533
Boy, Dorothy, it's good you
got over your fear of flying.
221
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,296
- [Laughing] Oh, right.
- The way you used to carry on.
222
00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:38,769
- Oh.
- Remember when we went
223
00:12:38,838 --> 00:12:41,204
to your Uncle Michael's
wedding in Arizona?
224
00:12:41,274 --> 00:12:42,605
Before we boarded the plane,
225
00:12:42,675 --> 00:12:45,371
you threw yourself on the
ground, kicking and screaming.
226
00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:50,405
- It was a little embarrassing.
- I'll say. You were 48.
227
00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,347
Well, it's all behind me now.
228
00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:56,320
I tell you, I really feel
very comfortable on planes.
229
00:12:56,389 --> 00:12:59,722
Good, you'll probably have to take
a dinky little plane to the Bahamas.
230
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:03,785
They flutter, they shimmy,
they wobble...
231
00:13:03,863 --> 00:13:06,457
You got a lot of guts, Dorothy.
232
00:13:06,532 --> 00:13:08,159
- I'm proud of you.
- Oh, thanks, Ma.
233
00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:10,429
Please don't let them take me!
234
00:13:21,981 --> 00:13:22,970
What are you reading?
235
00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,983
I'm checking the
weather in the Bahamas.
236
00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:27,849
It's gonna be in the upper 80's
with a nice gentle breeze.
237
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,048
So with that outdoor service,
we'll come away with healthy color.
238
00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:33,422
Aunt Gretchen always loved the sun.
239
00:13:33,493 --> 00:13:36,519
Well, maybe they'll
have an open casket.
240
00:13:45,204 --> 00:13:46,865
Girls, I have some bad news.
241
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:48,566
I am not gonna be
able to go with you.
242
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,074
- Why not?
- It's Ma.
243
00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:52,907
She's sick. I'm gonna have
to take her to the hospital.
244
00:13:52,979 --> 00:13:54,947
- Oh, no.
- Wait a minute.
245
00:13:55,014 --> 00:13:57,812
She left for that cooking
contest about ten minutes ago.
246
00:13:57,884 --> 00:14:02,787
She called. She had a bad
cannoli when she got there.
247
00:14:02,855 --> 00:14:05,085
Right now, she's
doubled over with cramps,
248
00:14:05,158 --> 00:14:06,455
crying out with pain,
249
00:14:06,526 --> 00:14:10,826
and making the most spectacular
comeback since Dennis Hopper.
250
00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,722
Are you all right, Sophia?
251
00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:15,027
Of course I'm all right.
252
00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:18,264
Halfway to the contest
I realized I forgot the wine.
253
00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:20,771
- For your mussels marinara?
- No, for me.
254
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:26,142
I always drink wine during cooking
contests and my sister Sam.
255
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,581
Dorothy, Sophia's not sick.
256
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,743
She didn't eat a bad cannoli.
257
00:14:32,818 --> 00:14:36,447
Whoever called and said that was
just making the whole thing up.
258
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,686
Rose, Dorothy made the whole thing up.
259
00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:44,389
She doesn't want to go with us.
260
00:14:44,463 --> 00:14:48,559
- But you promised you'd go.
- I know, that's what I said.
261
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:51,102
All I can say now is... tough!
262
00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,472
I'm not getting on that plane
and you can't make me.
263
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,303
Well, then I'm not going either.
264
00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:59,776
Oh, I don't believe my ears.
265
00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:04,043
Girls! The entire purpose of this trip
is to conquer our fears.
266
00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:07,415
Why, if we back out now, that'd
mean our fears have conquered us.
267
00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:10,683
[Blanche] I will not allow that.
We're gonna march out that door
268
00:15:10,756 --> 00:15:14,556
right now, like the strong
confidant women I know we are.
269
00:15:14,627 --> 00:15:18,085
Chins up, chests out, buttocks tight.
270
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:21,598
I know "buttocks tight"
has nothing to do with it,
271
00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,635
it just looks good.
272
00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:25,432
Buttocks tight, I said.
273
00:15:25,504 --> 00:15:28,371
Buttocks tight!
274
00:15:28,441 --> 00:15:30,466
Oh, forget it.
275
00:15:37,617 --> 00:15:40,108
I'm so proud of you.
You're just doing beautifully.
276
00:15:40,186 --> 00:15:42,381
Nobody would dream you
have a fear of flying.
277
00:15:42,455 --> 00:15:45,947
Unless they happen to glance
at the bruises on my forearm.
278
00:15:49,228 --> 00:15:51,992
You think you could hold on
to something else for a while?
279
00:15:52,064 --> 00:15:54,294
Oh, of course, honey, I'm sorry.
280
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,356
Oh!
281
00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:01,272
- I meant like the arm rest.
- Oh.
282
00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:02,671
Look, girls.
283
00:16:02,742 --> 00:16:05,438
I found this bolt in the aisle.
Where do you think it goes?
284
00:16:05,511 --> 00:16:08,275
With me, off this plane.
285
00:16:08,347 --> 00:16:10,474
- What was that?
- Them shutting the door.
286
00:16:10,549 --> 00:16:13,382
They shut the door?
287
00:16:13,452 --> 00:16:15,818
[Attendant] Afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
288
00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:17,082
My name is Candy.
289
00:16:17,156 --> 00:16:19,818
I'll be your flight hostess.
290
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:26,331
Please review the information
cards in your seat pockets
291
00:16:26,399 --> 00:16:29,732
for the safety information
in the unlikely event
292
00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:33,397
- of a mishap during our flight.
- Mishap? What does she mean...
293
00:16:33,472 --> 00:16:35,804
- What does she mean by mishap?
- Like, bad movies
294
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,343
or cold food or running out of ice.
295
00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:41,710
- Running out of gas...
- Oh, my God.
296
00:16:41,781 --> 00:16:43,339
- God.
- Will you just calm down?
297
00:16:43,416 --> 00:16:45,611
- Drink champagne.
- I don't like champagne.
298
00:16:45,685 --> 00:16:47,880
- Go ahead, it might relax you.
- Oh.
299
00:16:57,797 --> 00:17:01,062
Didn't make me relaxed.
Just makes me wanna burp.
300
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:04,832
We burp and the pressure
in the cabin will change
301
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:06,997
and we'll fly into a mountain.
302
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,932
That would be a good
example of a mishap.
303
00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:14,241
Rose, do me a favor,
fasten your seat belt.
304
00:17:14,313 --> 00:17:15,575
Over your mouth!
305
00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:19,418
Why don't we use
our time constructively
306
00:17:19,485 --> 00:17:21,919
and work on your eulogy.
What are you planning to say?
307
00:17:21,987 --> 00:17:23,887
I don't know.
308
00:17:23,956 --> 00:17:27,756
I'll probably start out talking
about Aunt Gretchen, the person.
309
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:29,886
She was always a very rigid person.
310
00:17:29,962 --> 00:17:31,657
Especially now.
311
00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:40,838
I'm sorry, Rose. I guess that maybe
that champagne did relax me.
312
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:47,040
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
girls, oh, my God, look!
313
00:17:47,113 --> 00:17:48,102
What, Blanche, what?
314
00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:50,705
Look, all the men
on this plane are bald!
315
00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,621
It's all right, Blanche.
The captain just turned off
316
00:18:04,697 --> 00:18:06,494
the "no bald men" sign.
317
00:18:12,271 --> 00:18:15,798
I am talking about
my recurring dream. Remember?
318
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:19,140
I'm trapped in an enclosed
space full of bald men.
319
00:18:19,211 --> 00:18:21,042
Well, I didn't tell you the rest of it.
320
00:18:21,113 --> 00:18:25,709
All those bald men and I are on a plane
and we fly into the ocean.
321
00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:27,343
Oh, come on now, Blanche.
322
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,581
You're behaving just as crazy as we are.
323
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:32,954
- It's just a coincidence.
- [Attendant] Ladies and gentlemen,
324
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:35,960
be sure your seat belts
are securely fastened
325
00:18:36,028 --> 00:18:37,825
in preparation for the take off.
326
00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:43,062
And if anyone found a big bolt,
please return it to me.
327
00:18:43,135 --> 00:18:46,161
[Stammering] It came off
the beverage cart.
328
00:18:46,238 --> 00:18:49,173
Yes, that's it. The beverage cart.
329
00:18:55,314 --> 00:18:57,646
Dorothy, it is not a coincidence.
330
00:18:57,716 --> 00:19:00,048
It is my nightmare and it's coming true.
331
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,316
Don't be silly, Blanche.
Not all of it's coming true.
332
00:19:03,389 --> 00:19:06,256
- You haven't heard the voice of God.
- That's right, Blanche.
333
00:19:06,325 --> 00:19:10,659
[Loudspeaker] Ladies and
gentlemen, this is Captain Lord.
334
00:19:10,729 --> 00:19:13,926
I hope you enjoy your flight.
335
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,311
- Dorothy...
- We made a rule.
336
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:31,713
No talking, it shakes the plane.
337
00:19:34,854 --> 00:19:37,288
I just had to say one thing.
338
00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:40,917
If Blanche is right, and we
are gonna die this afternoon,
339
00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:44,224
- I'm glad we're together.
- Yes, that's very comforting.
340
00:19:44,296 --> 00:19:45,729
Now, shut up.
341
00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:49,158
I know what you mean, Rose.
342
00:19:49,235 --> 00:19:52,500
We have had some very
special times together.
343
00:19:52,571 --> 00:19:55,005
[Gasps] Like the time
there was that hurricane
344
00:19:55,074 --> 00:19:57,406
and all the power
went out for two days
345
00:19:57,476 --> 00:20:00,912
and we huddled together to keep
warm and sang campfire songs
346
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:04,074
- and told stories.
- Oh, yeah.
347
00:20:04,149 --> 00:20:07,915
And Rose admitted that Charlie
was the only man she ever slept with.
348
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:11,388
And you admitted Stan was the
only man you ever slept with.
349
00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:14,756
And I admitted my shoe size
was really five and a half.
350
00:20:16,996 --> 00:20:20,397
I wish we had more time together.
351
00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:22,730
Wait a minute. Wait a minute,
what are we doing?
352
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:24,701
The flight has been perfectly smooth.
353
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,795
There hasn't been a hint of turbulence.
354
00:20:26,872 --> 00:20:29,841
[Loudspeaker] This is Captain Lord.
Looks like we're running
355
00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:33,538
right into the IT of a tropical storm.
356
00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,739
I'm a dead woman.
357
00:20:37,049 --> 00:20:39,643
Unfortunately, that means
we're going to turn around
358
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:42,812
and return to Miami.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
359
00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:44,753
Did you hear that, girls?
We're saved.
360
00:20:44,823 --> 00:20:47,815
- What do you mean?
- That part wasn't in my dream.
361
00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:50,054
The dream's broken.
We're going back to Miami.
362
00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,927
- We're gonna be all right.
- Not me.
363
00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:55,967
Well, you two faced your fears.
Dorothy got on the plane,
364
00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:58,503
you faced your dream,
I didn't give my speech.
365
00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,903
Give it now. Yeah.
366
00:21:00,973 --> 00:21:03,999
Yes. Go on. Now,
you wrote it, you give it.
367
00:21:04,076 --> 00:21:05,873
Go on, you can do it.
368
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,681
Uh... everyone?
369
00:21:19,158 --> 00:21:22,389
I was supposed to speak
at a funeral this afternoon,
370
00:21:22,461 --> 00:21:27,797
and now I can't, but I'd still like to
give my speech, if no one minds.
371
00:21:27,866 --> 00:21:31,632
I wrote some things down
but I'd just rather talk.
372
00:21:31,704 --> 00:21:35,071
Uh, the funeral was
for my Aunt Gretchen.
373
00:21:35,140 --> 00:21:38,007
I didn't know her well. The only
thing I remembered about her
374
00:21:38,077 --> 00:21:39,669
is she used to scare me.
375
00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:43,080
Jumping out of my closet at night,
376
00:21:44,016 --> 00:21:46,644
putting false fangs in her mouth,
377
00:21:47,219 --> 00:21:49,244
sometimes baying at the moon.
378
00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:54,087
Now her dying scares me.
379
00:21:54,159 --> 00:21:56,753
But there's a good part
to being scared.
380
00:21:56,829 --> 00:21:59,423
You get to know who
your friends are.
381
00:21:59,932 --> 00:22:03,095
They're the ones who
help you not be scared.
382
00:22:03,168 --> 00:22:06,729
Maybe that's what Aunt Gretchen
was trying to do all along.
383
00:22:06,805 --> 00:22:09,000
Help me not be scared.
384
00:22:09,441 --> 00:22:11,636
I think so.
385
00:22:12,344 --> 00:22:13,743
Goodbye, Aunt Gretchen.
386
00:22:17,816 --> 00:22:19,647
Take a seat, lady.
387
00:22:19,718 --> 00:22:21,549
This isn't the Copacabana.
388
00:22:24,256 --> 00:22:27,589
- Rose, that was beautiful.
- It was, it truly was.
389
00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:30,959
[Loudspeaker] Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Lord again.
390
00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:37,026
If you all look out the left
side of our aircraft, it'll tip over.
391
00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:44,942
Sorry, just a little small
airplane pilot humor.
392
00:22:52,484 --> 00:22:53,712
Hi, Ma.
393
00:22:53,786 --> 00:22:56,778
What the hell are you doing home?
394
00:22:56,889 --> 00:22:59,551
Ma, let's not get all mushy.
395
00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,115
You chickened out, didn't you?
396
00:23:01,193 --> 00:23:04,287
No, we went, or at
least we started to.
397
00:23:04,363 --> 00:23:06,456
Halfway there we ran
into a tropical storm
398
00:23:06,532 --> 00:23:08,432
so we had to turn around
and come back.
399
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:11,492
And the plane was
entirely full of bald men.
400
00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:16,530
They were all former Mr. Cleans on
their way to a reunion in the Bahamas.
401
00:23:17,776 --> 00:23:21,007
So, tell us about the cooking contest.
402
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,105
The competition was fierce.
403
00:23:23,182 --> 00:23:25,878
It came down to my mussels marinara,
404
00:23:25,951 --> 00:23:28,249
and Louise Pallito's chicken cacciatore.
405
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,515
Louise Pallito?
Isn't she the one who brags
406
00:23:30,589 --> 00:23:33,558
about being Al Capone's
piano teacher?
407
00:23:34,059 --> 00:23:36,027
True. 103 years old.
408
00:23:36,095 --> 00:23:37,494
Anyway, the judges voted.
409
00:23:37,563 --> 00:23:39,326
It was a flat-footed tie.
410
00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:41,263
That's when it went into sudden death.
411
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:42,425
And?
412
00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:44,765
I just told you, it was sudden death.
413
00:23:44,837 --> 00:23:49,206
Louise couldn't take it.
She keeled over. Kaput!
414
00:23:50,008 --> 00:23:51,373
The funeral is on Saturday.
415
00:23:51,443 --> 00:23:54,708
- Sophia, that's terrible.
- You think that's bad?
416
00:23:54,780 --> 00:23:57,578
Guess who I volunteered
to give the eulogy?
32577
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