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1
00:00:02,949 --> 00:00:07,215
(music) Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:11,223
(music) Traveled down the road and back again
3
00:00:11,291 --> 00:00:12,690
(music) Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:17,628
(music) You're a pal and a confidant
5
00:00:17,698 --> 00:00:21,691
(music) And if you threw a party
6
00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:26,034
(music) Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:27,835
(music) You would see
8
00:00:27,908 --> 00:00:30,502
(music) The biggest gift would be from me
9
00:00:30,577 --> 00:00:32,442
(music) And the card attached would say
10
00:00:32,512 --> 00:00:36,505
(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)
11
00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:58,534
[Doorbell]
12
00:00:58,605 --> 00:01:00,300
Oh, yeah. It's your cab, honey.
13
00:01:00,374 --> 00:01:02,308
Have a wonderful time at the wedding.
14
00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:04,503
Be sure to give Phil
and the family my love.
15
00:01:04,578 --> 00:01:07,809
Before I go, I need
your opinion on something.
16
00:01:07,881 --> 00:01:10,315
What should I give Phil's
daughter as a wedding gift?
17
00:01:10,384 --> 00:01:14,718
Your grandmother's lace tablecloth,
or 50 bucks towards getting a neck?
18
00:01:15,589 --> 00:01:17,386
Give her the tablecloth.
19
00:01:18,392 --> 00:01:20,087
You're right. She's got a husband.
20
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,926
He doesn't care that she looks
like Abe Vigoda, why should I?
21
00:01:23,997 --> 00:01:27,125
See you in a couple of weeks, pussycat.
22
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,363
[Blanche] So, what with our busy
careers and full social lives,
23
00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:33,600
we felt we really needed
a full-time housekeeper.
24
00:01:33,673 --> 00:01:36,471
- What do you think of our home?
- Lovely.
25
00:01:36,543 --> 00:01:39,410
Last place I was had bars
in the windows
26
00:01:39,479 --> 00:01:41,140
and a big wall with guard dogs.
27
00:01:42,649 --> 00:01:46,881
- Sounds like quite a security system.
- The best. San Quentin.
28
00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:52,182
Fifteen years I spent
in that stinking hole.
29
00:01:52,259 --> 00:01:55,592
I saw violence, I saw despair,
30
00:01:55,662 --> 00:01:58,756
I saw Johnny Cash eight times.
31
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:03,031
Well, I guess that
concludes the interview,
32
00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:06,402
- unless there are any questions.
- I have a question.
33
00:02:06,473 --> 00:02:10,341
Does Johnny Cash ever wear plaid?
34
00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:14,246
It's not her fault.
She's from Minnesota.
35
00:02:14,514 --> 00:02:16,505
We'll be in touch.
36
00:02:17,517 --> 00:02:20,384
Oh, girls, we have interviewed
dozens of people,
37
00:02:20,454 --> 00:02:22,888
we haven't met
one likely candidate.
38
00:02:22,956 --> 00:02:25,049
Maybe our standards are too high.
39
00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:27,389
[Doorbell]
40
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:31,491
- May I help you?
- [Jamaican accent] Yes.
41
00:02:31,565 --> 00:02:34,500
Does the mean-looking white
woman I just passed live here?
42
00:02:34,568 --> 00:02:36,263
- No.
- Oh.
43
00:02:36,336 --> 00:02:39,305
Then I come to apply for
the housekeeping position.
44
00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:42,068
- Please, please, come right in.
- Thank you.
45
00:02:42,142 --> 00:02:44,906
- I'm Marguerite Brown.
- I'm Dorothy.
46
00:02:44,978 --> 00:02:47,674
These are my roommates,
Blanche, Rose.
47
00:02:47,747 --> 00:02:50,614
- Please, sit down.
- Well, thank you.
48
00:02:50,684 --> 00:02:54,120
Well, why don't you begin
by telling us a little about yourself.
49
00:02:54,187 --> 00:02:56,212
Well, there isn't much to tell.
50
00:02:56,289 --> 00:03:00,350
I'm hardworking and honest,
and I'll work for a reasonable wage.
51
00:03:01,228 --> 00:03:02,820
That's it?
52
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:06,665
All right, I won't go on
with this charade any longer.
53
00:03:06,733 --> 00:03:08,598
There is something else.
54
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:10,192
I'm black.
55
00:03:12,572 --> 00:03:16,702
Now, if that's a problem
for you, I'm white.
56
00:03:16,776 --> 00:03:19,973
Now, of course, that'll cost you extra.
57
00:03:20,514 --> 00:03:22,607
Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you.
58
00:03:22,682 --> 00:03:25,310
And I don't go for that freaky stuff.
59
00:03:25,886 --> 00:03:27,751
Neither do Dorothy and I.
60
00:03:33,627 --> 00:03:35,117
[Phone rings]
61
00:03:35,195 --> 00:03:36,753
Excuse me.
62
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,297
Hello?
63
00:03:38,365 --> 00:03:41,596
Hello, Norman, darling.
Are we still on for tonight?
64
00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:43,533
But you said we...
65
00:03:43,603 --> 00:03:45,730
But you promised...
66
00:03:45,805 --> 00:03:48,797
I see. All right. Bye-Bye.
67
00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:52,038
I don't understand. That's the
second time Norman has canceled.
68
00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:53,773
Maybe he's not interested.
69
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,747
Not interested? Don't be silly.
70
00:03:55,815 --> 00:03:59,410
I am the most attractive
and available woman in all of Miami,
71
00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:02,717
now that Miss Donna Rice
has moved to Hollywood.
72
00:04:04,424 --> 00:04:06,984
I don't mean to pry,
but maybe I know a way
73
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:09,119
to get Norman's attention.
74
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:11,993
If it involves silk sheets
and a parochial school outfit,
75
00:04:12,065 --> 00:04:13,896
I've already tried it.
76
00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:16,799
Here, take this.
77
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:19,839
It's worked for my grandmother,
it's worked for my mother.
78
00:04:19,906 --> 00:04:22,898
Dab a little behind your ears
and whomever you desire
79
00:04:22,976 --> 00:04:23,943
will come to you.
80
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:26,535
- What is it?
- It's a gift. Keep it.
81
00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:29,104
Marguerite, there's
no need to bribe me.
82
00:04:29,182 --> 00:04:31,241
As far as I'm concerned
you have the job.
83
00:04:31,318 --> 00:04:33,149
- Fine with me.
- Me, too.
84
00:04:33,219 --> 00:04:36,279
- Can you start tomorrow?
- I'll be here bright early.
85
00:04:36,356 --> 00:04:38,654
- We'll see you then.
- All right.
86
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:42,227
Be sure and use that
just like I told you now.
87
00:04:42,295 --> 00:04:44,229
- Yes, ma'am. Bye.
- [Marguerite] Bye.
88
00:04:44,297 --> 00:04:47,323
Ooh, what an absolutely
charming woman.
89
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,460
- I wonder what this is.
- I'll bet it's a love potion.
90
00:04:50,537 --> 00:04:52,698
Ah, Rose, come on, honey.
91
00:04:52,772 --> 00:04:55,570
There's no such thing as a love potion.
92
00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,132
Sure there is, Dorothy.
93
00:04:57,210 --> 00:05:00,646
My grandparents got together
because of a love potion.
94
00:05:00,714 --> 00:05:05,947
Well, actually it was a foot salve
Gramps accidentally swallowed.
95
00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:09,284
You see, Grandma was the nurse
who pumped his stomach,
96
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:12,655
but she was new and she attached
the nozzle to the wrong place.
97
00:05:14,794 --> 00:05:17,592
Next thing you know,
they were engaged.
98
00:05:19,065 --> 00:05:21,226
I don't care what's in this.
It's worth a try.
99
00:05:21,301 --> 00:05:23,997
I'll do anything
to get Norman's attention.
100
00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:25,662
If you get Norman's attention,
101
00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:29,334
it won't be because of
what is in that bottle.
102
00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:33,140
But if it does, I'll sell
my mother for an ounce.
103
00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:41,517
Girls.
104
00:05:41,588 --> 00:05:44,079
Girls, look what I found under my bed.
105
00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:48,389
Gee, that's the most colorful
dust ball I've ever seen.
106
00:05:48,461 --> 00:05:51,589
- This is no dust ball, Rose.
- What do you think it is?
107
00:05:51,665 --> 00:05:53,565
It's a rock.
108
00:05:53,633 --> 00:05:55,999
I think it may be some kind of charm.
109
00:05:56,069 --> 00:05:57,502
It is.
110
00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,731
I learned it from my grandmother.
111
00:05:59,806 --> 00:06:02,639
You see, you put a
specially-painted rock
112
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:06,076
beneath a person's bed
to bring them a restful sleep.
113
00:06:06,146 --> 00:06:08,740
Are you saying that you
put this under my bed?
114
00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:10,976
But I was only trying to be helpful.
115
00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:15,385
I figured with those terrible bags,
you needed the rest.
116
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:19,283
Dorothy always looks like that.
117
00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,453
Besides, it would take
a lot more than rest
118
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:25,395
to get rid of those babies.
119
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:30,698
Why don't you all take turns
hitting me with a two-by-four?
120
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:34,672
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to cause any trouble.
121
00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:39,371
I think Marguerite's been inhaling
a little too much Pine-Sol.
122
00:06:39,446 --> 00:06:41,937
Wait a minute. Weren't you
just saying this morning
123
00:06:42,015 --> 00:06:44,040
how much better
you're sleeping lately?
124
00:06:44,117 --> 00:06:46,847
That's right, you said you
hadn't slept so well in years.
125
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,979
It has nothing to do with this rock.
126
00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:51,615
Look, I like Marguerite
as much as you do,
127
00:06:51,691 --> 00:06:55,491
but she's been here a week
and she is not doing a very good job.
128
00:06:55,562 --> 00:06:57,587
I think she's doing a terrific job.
129
00:06:57,664 --> 00:06:59,598
Why, ever since
she gave me that potion,
130
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:03,124
Norman's been on me
like white on rice.
131
00:07:03,203 --> 00:07:07,663
I'm talking about...
White on rice?
132
00:07:07,741 --> 00:07:10,141
All right, maybe she's
lax on the housework.
133
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,144
She is more than a little lax.
134
00:07:12,212 --> 00:07:16,012
She's habitually late,
she's broken a number of glasses
135
00:07:16,082 --> 00:07:20,109
and she threw out People Magazine
before I could read it.
136
00:07:20,186 --> 00:07:22,746
Look at all the wonderful things
that have happened
137
00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:25,017
since Marguerite started working here.
138
00:07:25,091 --> 00:07:29,687
Blanche is dating Norman, you're
sleeping better than you have in years
139
00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:33,893
and Sandy Duncan
is finally back on TV.
140
00:07:37,403 --> 00:07:39,963
I think we should have
a little talk with her.
141
00:07:40,039 --> 00:07:42,405
You know Sandy Duncan?
142
00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:47,405
Look, Marguerite didn't
throw out People.
143
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,414
[Laughing] Oh, good.
144
00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:03,756
- Morning, Rose.
- Hi, Dorothy.
145
00:08:03,830 --> 00:08:07,129
Why are you cleaning the kitchen?
This is Marguerite's job.
146
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:11,398
I know exactly what you're going to say,
but I talked to Marguerite on the phone
147
00:08:11,471 --> 00:08:13,302
and she has a good excuse
for being late.
148
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,000
Fine, what is it?
149
00:08:15,074 --> 00:08:19,773
[Sighing] She had to go pluck
a hair from the chin of a dwarf.
150
00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:28,977
And you fell for that old excuse.
151
00:08:29,522 --> 00:08:31,490
Has either of you girls
seen Marguerite?
152
00:08:31,558 --> 00:08:33,924
- She's not here yet.
- I wished you'd look at this.
153
00:08:33,993 --> 00:08:36,461
She melted my buttons with the iron.
154
00:08:36,529 --> 00:08:39,657
Now I'll never be able
to open my blouse again.
155
00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:44,669
It's a dark day
in the history of mankind.
156
00:08:45,605 --> 00:08:48,199
Maybe we'd better have
another talk with Marguerite.
157
00:08:48,274 --> 00:08:50,105
Look, I think we've had
enough talks.
158
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:52,440
It's time we did something about this.
159
00:08:52,512 --> 00:08:54,980
Oh, Dorothy, you don't think
we ought to fire her.
160
00:08:55,048 --> 00:08:59,781
Look, Marguerite is a lovely person.
She just cannot do the job.
161
00:08:59,853 --> 00:09:02,947
[Sighing] I hate to admit it,
but you're right.
162
00:09:03,022 --> 00:09:06,082
We had a similar situation
back in St. Olaf,
163
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:09,094
with Mrs. Gunderson,
our grade school teacher.
164
00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:11,824
Oh, she was the nicest woman
you'd ever want to meet,
165
00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:16,699
but as the years went by,
she got her facts a little confused.
166
00:09:16,769 --> 00:09:19,397
[Sighs] In biology class
she started telling kids
167
00:09:23,743 --> 00:09:25,904
While we were studying WWI,
168
00:09:25,979 --> 00:09:28,413
she told us mustard gas
was something you got
169
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:30,847
from eating too many hot dogs.
170
00:09:33,686 --> 00:09:35,745
That's why to this day in St. Olaf,
171
00:09:35,822 --> 00:09:41,124
everyone celebrates the 4th of July
with a thin omelet on a bun.
172
00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:44,154
What do you say
after we fire Marguerite,
173
00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:47,961
we each chip in
and get Rose a CAT scan.
174
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,632
Rose, is there a point to your story?
175
00:09:53,706 --> 00:09:55,640
Well, of course there's a point to it.
176
00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:58,302
Mrs. Gunderson was
a really sweet woman
177
00:09:58,378 --> 00:10:00,642
but she just couldn't
do the job anymore.
178
00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:03,147
Then it's settled. We fire Marguerite.
179
00:10:03,216 --> 00:10:05,013
Couldn't we wait
just a few more days?
180
00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:06,779
I think Norman's going to invite me
181
00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:08,821
to the premiere
of Give 'em Hell, Harry!
182
00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:13,222
Starring Mr. Father Mulcahy from MASH.
183
00:10:13,293 --> 00:10:16,228
What does that have to do
with Marguerite?
184
00:10:16,296 --> 00:10:18,457
It was her potion
that brought us together.
185
00:10:18,531 --> 00:10:20,590
Blanche, you still think
that Marguerite
186
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,828
has some kind of mystical powers?
187
00:10:22,902 --> 00:10:25,302
[Sighing] Oh, well, all right.
188
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:26,770
I guess I'm just being silly.
189
00:10:26,839 --> 00:10:28,807
Okay, go ahead and fire her, Dorothy.
190
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:31,241
Why should I be the one to fire her?
191
00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:32,972
You're the meanest.
192
00:10:35,315 --> 00:10:37,806
Blanche, that's not true.
193
00:10:37,884 --> 00:10:40,216
Dorothy just looks the meanest.
194
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:45,989
We hired Marguerite together,
we fire her together.
195
00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:50,587
Thank you, Rose. And by the way,
you look the dumbest.
196
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,195
Morning, everyone.
197
00:10:56,269 --> 00:11:00,262
Oh, Marguerite, I feel so terrible.
198
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:04,641
- What's the matter with her?
- She's a little upset.
199
00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:09,410
She just found out Gene Shalit
wants his hair to look that way.
200
00:11:10,483 --> 00:11:12,110
I'm sorry I'm late,
201
00:11:12,185 --> 00:11:14,551
but I had to go downtown
to get some special herbs.
202
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:18,147
I'm throwing together another
little aphrodisiac for Blanche.
203
00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:20,886
I better get to my work.
204
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,192
Girls, we can't fire her now,
she's making me an aphrodisiac!
205
00:11:25,264 --> 00:11:29,530
Use vodka and black underwear
like everyone else!
206
00:11:32,305 --> 00:11:34,705
Can we just get this over
before I lose my nerve?
207
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:36,605
Oh!
208
00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:40,203
I hate to interrupt your work,
but we have to talk to you.
209
00:11:40,279 --> 00:11:42,008
[Stammers] I just want you to know
210
00:11:42,081 --> 00:11:46,017
that Tootie is my favorite
on The Facts of Life.
211
00:11:49,655 --> 00:11:52,351
You're firing me, aren't you?
212
00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:55,917
Marguerite, we think very
highly of you as a person,
213
00:11:55,995 --> 00:11:58,555
but we're going to have to let you go.
214
00:11:58,631 --> 00:12:01,532
We... we just don't feel
you're right for this job.
215
00:12:01,601 --> 00:12:03,933
But you certainly did when you hired me.
216
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:05,994
Marguerite, you're fired!
217
00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:09,508
Rose, we just did that part, honey.
218
00:12:09,575 --> 00:12:13,033
Sorry. I'm not very good
at this sort of thing.
219
00:12:13,646 --> 00:12:15,978
Of course, we'll pay you
for the rest of the week.
220
00:12:16,049 --> 00:12:18,347
Oh, Marguerite, I hope you understand.
221
00:12:18,418 --> 00:12:21,581
I've never been fired from any job.
222
00:12:21,654 --> 00:12:23,713
We're really awfully sorry.
223
00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,815
Well, you should be,
224
00:12:25,892 --> 00:12:31,194
because I think you're
making a very big mistake.
225
00:12:37,603 --> 00:12:41,334
- She seemed pretty upset.
- We just fired her.
226
00:12:41,407 --> 00:12:44,433
What do you think she meant,
"we're making a big mistake?"
227
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:47,877
She meant that she's unhappy
that she lost her job.
228
00:12:47,947 --> 00:12:49,812
[Explosion]
229
00:12:49,882 --> 00:12:52,749
Or that she's going to
blow up our kitchen.
230
00:12:52,819 --> 00:12:54,787
Oh!
231
00:12:55,655 --> 00:12:58,123
[All gasping]
232
00:13:15,641 --> 00:13:17,233
Nice hit, Tracy.
233
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:21,269
Now, why don't you throw one
into the Schiller's yard?
234
00:13:21,347 --> 00:13:24,214
This has been the worst day of my life.
235
00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:25,682
Honey, what happened to you?
236
00:13:25,751 --> 00:13:28,345
First, my alarm didn't go off
so I was late to work.
237
00:13:28,421 --> 00:13:30,184
Then I had a flat tire on the way.
238
00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:33,783
When I finally got there,
I smashed my hand in the door.
239
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:35,851
Oh, I feel like crawling
under the covers
240
00:13:35,928 --> 00:13:39,295
and eating Velveeta
right out of the box.
241
00:13:44,904 --> 00:13:49,307
I hear B.B. King does that
when he's tired of singing the blues.
242
00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,208
Honey, why don't you sit down.
I'll give you some lemonade.
243
00:13:52,278 --> 00:13:54,371
Thanks, Dorothy.
244
00:13:59,185 --> 00:14:02,677
[Groans] Something weird is
going on around here, Dorothy.
245
00:14:02,755 --> 00:14:05,553
Don't be silly. You're just
having a little bad luck.
246
00:14:16,869 --> 00:14:20,737
Do you really think that's all it is?
247
00:14:21,807 --> 00:14:23,798
Of course.
248
00:14:23,876 --> 00:14:26,071
Well, maybe you're right.
249
00:14:26,145 --> 00:14:29,080
- Need any help?
- Get away from me, you jinx.
250
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:31,916
I mean...
251
00:14:31,984 --> 00:14:33,952
I mean, no thank you, Rose.
252
00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:36,284
Girls, you'll never guess
what happened.
253
00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:39,722
Norman threw me over
for a fat woman.
254
00:14:40,359 --> 00:14:42,793
- Oh, Blanche, I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Rose,
255
00:14:42,862 --> 00:14:45,456
but Dorothy ought to be sorry,
it's all her fault.
256
00:14:45,531 --> 00:14:48,466
- What? What did I do?
- You made us fire Marguerite.
257
00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:50,661
- Now she's put a curse on us.
- Come on now.
258
00:14:50,736 --> 00:14:53,864
You're just upset.
You're talking nonsense.
259
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:56,340
It makes perfect sense to me.
260
00:14:56,409 --> 00:14:59,105
I rest my case.
261
00:14:59,178 --> 00:15:01,544
Come on, you have to
admit terrible things
262
00:15:01,614 --> 00:15:03,946
have been happening
since we fired Marguerite.
263
00:15:04,016 --> 00:15:07,110
Our plumbing went bad,
the refrigerator broke down.
264
00:15:07,186 --> 00:15:09,211
We've all had car trouble.
265
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:10,915
You haven't slept a wink,
266
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:15,359
and now Blanche's boyfriend's
dumped her for a porker.
267
00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:23,135
Marguerite said we were making
a big mistake when we fired her
268
00:15:23,202 --> 00:15:26,035
- and she was right.
- I am not listening to this.
269
00:15:26,105 --> 00:15:28,733
You better listen,
'cause we're in big trouble here.
270
00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:30,036
Now, what are we gonna do?
271
00:15:30,109 --> 00:15:33,408
I think we should get Marguerite
to take off the curse.
272
00:15:33,479 --> 00:15:36,607
Maybe we should ask her
if she wants her job back.
273
00:15:36,682 --> 00:15:38,775
That's a great idea.
I'm gonna call her now.
274
00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:42,844
Wait, wait a minute.
Nobody is calling anybody.
275
00:15:42,922 --> 00:15:46,653
Now, look, this whole thing
has gotten way out of hand.
276
00:15:46,726 --> 00:15:49,661
First of all there is
no such thing as a curse.
277
00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:52,061
No! All right,
we've had a little bad luck,
278
00:15:52,131 --> 00:15:54,895
but, ladies, that's life.
279
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,332
I mean, when you look at it,
280
00:15:56,402 --> 00:16:00,361
has anything that out of
the ordinary really happened?
281
00:16:13,586 --> 00:16:15,747
This isn't the Orange Bowl, is it?
282
00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:30,031
Gee, I hope Marguerite
likes champagne.
283
00:16:30,102 --> 00:16:33,538
Don't you think we may be going
a little overboard with this?
284
00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:35,335
Dorothy, remember the crow man.
285
00:16:35,408 --> 00:16:38,434
Do we have any caviar
to go with this champagne?
286
00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:40,001
[Doorbell]
287
00:16:40,079 --> 00:16:41,376
Oh, that must be...
288
00:16:41,447 --> 00:16:42,573
Oh, girls, I'm scared.
289
00:16:42,648 --> 00:16:44,741
Now, now, just take
a deep breath and relax.
290
00:16:44,817 --> 00:16:46,375
There's nothing to be scared of.
291
00:16:46,452 --> 00:16:49,012
- [Whimpers]
- Okay, Dorothy, get the door.
292
00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:51,621
Go on.
293
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:58,296
Oh, Marguerite,
how lovely to see you again.
294
00:16:58,364 --> 00:17:00,025
Please come in.
295
00:17:00,099 --> 00:17:03,000
- Hello, ladies.
- Welcome back, Marguerite.
296
00:17:03,069 --> 00:17:05,697
Why don't you sit down
and make yourself comfortable.
297
00:17:05,771 --> 00:17:08,239
I must say I was a little bit surprised
298
00:17:08,307 --> 00:17:10,571
when you called me
to give me back my job.
299
00:17:10,643 --> 00:17:12,270
That's why I wanted to explain...
300
00:17:12,345 --> 00:17:15,007
There's nothing to explain.
It was all a silly mistake.
301
00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:17,743
- Champagne.
- Uh, thank you.
302
00:17:17,817 --> 00:17:20,411
- Ladies...
- These are for you.
303
00:17:20,486 --> 00:17:23,717
Ladies, this is all very nice,
but, please,
304
00:17:23,789 --> 00:17:26,815
there's something I must say.
You see, when you fired me...
305
00:17:26,892 --> 00:17:28,689
Oh, now, we don't
have to go into that.
306
00:17:28,761 --> 00:17:31,525
Here, a little gift from us to you.
307
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:33,497
Oh, uh... [chuckling]
308
00:17:33,566 --> 00:17:34,555
Well...
309
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,794
Well, isn't that nice?
310
00:17:38,104 --> 00:17:40,231
A tiara?
311
00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:46,269
Well, you said to get
something I'd buy for myself.
312
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:51,572
You see, I've always wanted a tiara.
313
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:54,642
Ever since I was a little girl
back in St. Olaf.
314
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:59,384
Every year I'd blow out
my birthday candles and wish for one.
315
00:17:59,458 --> 00:18:03,861
And every year I'd get a
freshly-carved pair of wooden shoes.
316
00:18:03,929 --> 00:18:06,227
Except for one year,
during the Depression
317
00:18:06,298 --> 00:18:08,596
when I just got a block of coal,
318
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:12,034
which I carved into
a pair of high-top Keds.
319
00:18:13,439 --> 00:18:16,966
You can do anything you want
to her, just don't hurt us.
320
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:20,577
Here, Marguerite.
Let me put this on for you.
321
00:18:20,646 --> 00:18:26,175
Oh, my! You look stunning.
Doesn't she just look stunning?
322
00:18:26,252 --> 00:18:28,880
Sophia! What are you doing here?
323
00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:30,819
I live here, remember?
324
00:18:36,162 --> 00:18:39,598
What is this,
the Miss Black America contest?
325
00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:43,466
Marguerite, I'd like you
to meet my mother.
326
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:47,370
This is my mother, Sophia Petrillo.
Ma, this is Marguerite.
327
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,035
Oh, I'm pleased to meet you.
Won't you join us?
328
00:18:51,110 --> 00:18:53,578
Yeah, and pour me
some of that champagne.
329
00:18:53,646 --> 00:18:56,376
I never know if I'm gonna
make it to New Year's.
330
00:18:57,249 --> 00:18:58,648
So, what are we celebrating?
331
00:18:58,717 --> 00:19:01,686
Did The Supremes get back together?
332
00:19:01,754 --> 00:19:04,484
Ma, you know, I really think
you should go and lie down.
333
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:06,184
You look exhausted.
334
00:19:06,258 --> 00:19:09,659
Hey, I'm 80. I look like this
in the middle of a dead sleep.
335
00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:13,789
- So, what's your claim to fame?
- I'm the housekeeper.
336
00:19:15,768 --> 00:19:17,099
Yeah?
337
00:19:17,169 --> 00:19:19,865
You always wear a tiara
to clean the toilet?
338
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:23,306
Ma, could I see you in the kitchen?
339
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:26,401
Hey, take it easy! I'm not Gumby!
340
00:19:27,947 --> 00:19:29,039
What's going on?
341
00:19:29,114 --> 00:19:32,777
Ma, I want you to be
especially nice to Marguerite.
342
00:19:32,852 --> 00:19:35,116
Please, Dorothy,
I wasn't brought up in a cave.
343
00:19:35,955 --> 00:19:39,083
Actually, I was brought up in a cave.
344
00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:40,785
Listen, Ma, I am serious.
345
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:43,556
You are not to ask her to lift a finger.
346
00:19:43,629 --> 00:19:47,121
And if there's anything you need,
you let me or one of the girls know.
347
00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:48,461
Let me get this straight.
348
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:50,525
- She's the housekeeper, right?
- Right.
349
00:19:50,603 --> 00:19:52,935
- She's not to lift a finger?
- Right.
350
00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:55,200
Anything needs to be done,
you take care of it?
351
00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:56,901
Right. Where are you going, Ma?
352
00:19:56,976 --> 00:19:59,843
To get a job as a housekeeper.
353
00:20:00,312 --> 00:20:02,906
Ma, Ma, be serious now.
354
00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:07,612
Marguerite is dangerous.
She put a curse on us.
355
00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:11,287
And I'm the one that got put in a home?
356
00:20:11,991 --> 00:20:16,087
I know it's unbelievable but we
fired her, she put a curse on us,
357
00:20:16,161 --> 00:20:17,594
so we had to hire her back.
358
00:20:17,663 --> 00:20:21,326
Now, if we can just keep her happy,
maybe she'll leave us alone.
359
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,493
You really are afraid of her?
360
00:20:23,569 --> 00:20:27,505
Ma, Ma, it's unbelievable
but please go along with it, okay?
361
00:20:27,573 --> 00:20:29,370
I mean, do it for me.
362
00:20:29,441 --> 00:20:32,410
If it means that much to you,
pussycat, you got it.
363
00:20:32,478 --> 00:20:36,346
Oh, thanks.
Now, remember, not a word.
364
00:20:40,152 --> 00:20:44,282
So, what's all this crap about you
putting a curse on my daughter?
365
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:49,683
- Sophia.
- We'll be turned into kumquats.
366
00:20:50,563 --> 00:20:53,623
- What is she talking about?
- Don't play dumb with me.
367
00:20:53,699 --> 00:20:56,065
I've been known
to cast a curse myself.
368
00:20:56,135 --> 00:21:00,435
Do you think Shelley Long
was really tired of playing in Cheers?
369
00:21:00,506 --> 00:21:03,703
Wrong, baby. I was tired of her.
370
00:21:08,914 --> 00:21:13,112
Is that what this is all about?
You think I put a curse on you?
371
00:21:13,185 --> 00:21:15,415
It's true, you got mad
at us for firing you.
372
00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:18,513
That's why you reversed
that love potion you gave me.
373
00:21:18,591 --> 00:21:21,082
Honey, that wasn't love potion.
374
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,061
That was Chanel No. 5.
375
00:21:25,164 --> 00:21:26,995
I'm not buying that.
376
00:21:27,066 --> 00:21:31,230
Dorothy uses Chanel No. 5 all the
time and she never attracts men.
377
00:21:36,642 --> 00:21:39,805
What about this painted rock
that you put under my bed?
378
00:21:39,878 --> 00:21:43,439
Oh, thank God you found it!
379
00:21:43,515 --> 00:21:45,176
This is very special to me.
380
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,844
It was the first wage I ever earned.
381
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,888
Ma, they paid you in rocks?
382
00:21:49,955 --> 00:21:53,550
Hey, don't knock it. To this day
in some parts of Sardinia,
383
00:21:53,626 --> 00:21:56,686
two of these will get you
a veal and pepper sandwich.
384
00:21:58,497 --> 00:22:02,866
Then you lied to me about
it's helping me to sleep.
385
00:22:02,935 --> 00:22:07,804
Okay, I figured that you'd be angry
because I didn't sweep under the bed.
386
00:22:07,873 --> 00:22:10,899
Gee, you're really a good liar.
387
00:22:11,777 --> 00:22:15,770
I know, that's why
I'm studying to be a lawyer.
388
00:22:19,685 --> 00:22:23,485
See, I'm going to school at night
and the only time I have to study
389
00:22:23,555 --> 00:22:25,648
is when you all go out
in the morning.
390
00:22:25,724 --> 00:22:30,161
That's why the toilets don't get
the attention they probably deserve.
391
00:22:30,229 --> 00:22:32,629
Then everything was just
a misunderstanding
392
00:22:32,698 --> 00:22:35,690
and Norman really did
dump me for a fat woman.
393
00:22:37,236 --> 00:22:39,227
No kidding? Fatter than you?
394
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,435
I hate to burst your bubble
but I just wanted a job.
395
00:22:45,511 --> 00:22:48,639
The truth is I don't have
any magical powers.
396
00:22:48,714 --> 00:22:52,480
[Laughing] Boy, have I been stupid.
397
00:22:52,918 --> 00:22:56,115
I haven't felt this dumb
since I found out William Conrad
398
00:22:56,188 --> 00:23:00,215
wasn't one guy in a jacket
and another guy in a pair of pants.
399
00:23:06,832 --> 00:23:10,393
Well, Marguerite, I guess
we just let our superstitions
400
00:23:10,469 --> 00:23:13,961
get the best of us and I think
we owe you an apology.
401
00:23:14,039 --> 00:23:16,769
No, no, I owe you an apology.
402
00:23:16,842 --> 00:23:20,005
You're right,
I'm a lousy housekeeper.
403
00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:22,741
[Laughing] I feel like
such a silly goose.
404
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:26,217
Goodbye, ladies.
405
00:23:26,285 --> 00:23:28,276
And I'm really sorry
for all the trouble,
406
00:23:28,353 --> 00:23:31,083
but thank you
for being understanding.
407
00:23:31,156 --> 00:23:34,216
And thank you for taking care
of that Shelley Long.
408
00:23:34,293 --> 00:23:38,024
I'm tired of that thin,
uppity white woman, too.
409
00:23:44,503 --> 00:23:45,936
[Sophia] Well, that's that.
410
00:23:46,004 --> 00:23:48,495
Anything else you need me
to straighten out for you?
411
00:23:48,574 --> 00:23:49,506
No, Ma.
412
00:23:49,575 --> 00:23:51,770
So, tell me, how was the wedding?
413
00:23:51,844 --> 00:23:54,108
Beautiful.
414
00:23:54,179 --> 00:23:56,477
Until the bride lifted her veil.
415
00:23:58,617 --> 00:24:01,381
I shudder to think
what was under that dress.
33370
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