Original subtitles

Announcer: SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE WILL BE DELAYED TONIGHT SO THAT NBC CAN PRESENT

LIVE WILL BE DELAYED TONIGHT SO THAT NBC CAN PRESENT CONTINUING NIGHTLY COVERAGE

SO THAT NBC CAN PRESENT CONTINUING NIGHTLY COVERAGE OF THE CRISIS IN TOKYO...

CONTINUING NIGHTLY COVERAGE OF THE CRISIS IN TOKYO... [LAUGHTER]

OF THE CRISIS IN TOKYO... [LAUGHTER] DAY 11: PAUL McCARTNEY IN JAPAN.

[LAUGHTER] DAY 11: PAUL McCARTNEY IN JAPAN. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DAY 11: PAUL McCARTNEY IN JAPAN. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] GOOD EVENING, THE CRISIS

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] GOOD EVENING, THE CRISIS IN JAPAN TOOK SOME DRAMATIC

GOOD EVENING, THE CRISIS IN JAPAN TOOK SOME DRAMATIC NEW TURNS TODAY.

IN JAPAN TOOK SOME DRAMATIC NEW TURNS TODAY. PAUL McCARTNEY HAS BEEN FREED,

NEW TURNS TODAY. PAUL McCARTNEY HAS BEEN FREED, BUT THE CRISIS CONTINUES.

PAUL McCARTNEY HAS BEEN FREED, BUT THE CRISIS CONTINUES. HERE, WITH A RECAP OF THE PAST

BUT THE CRISIS CONTINUES. HERE, WITH A RECAP OF THE PAST 10 DAYS, IS BILL MURRAY. BILL?

HERE, WITH A RECAP OF THE PAST 10 DAYS, IS BILL MURRAY. BILL? THANK YOU, JANIE.

10 DAYS, IS BILL MURRAY. BILL? THANK YOU, JANIE. WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG AND

THANK YOU, JANIE. WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG AND WINDING ROAD FOR PAUL McCARTNEY.

WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG AND WINDING ROAD FOR PAUL McCARTNEY. LET'S LOOK BACK AT THE 11 DAYS.

WINDING ROAD FOR PAUL McCARTNEY. LET'S LOOK BACK AT THE 11 DAYS. DAY ONE, JANUARY 14th, 1980:

LET'S LOOK BACK AT THE 11 DAYS. DAY ONE, JANUARY 14th, 1980: PAUL McCARTNEY'S LUGGAGE IS

DAY ONE, JANUARY 14th, 1980: PAUL McCARTNEY'S LUGGAGE IS INSPECTED BY CUSTOMS AGENTS

PAUL McCARTNEY'S LUGGAGE IS INSPECTED BY CUSTOMS AGENTS AT THE TOKYO AIRPORT.

INSPECTED BY CUSTOMS AGENTS AT THE TOKYO AIRPORT. IT IS DISCOVERED THAT

AT THE TOKYO AIRPORT. IT IS DISCOVERED THAT HE IS CARRYING 7.7 OUNCES

IT IS DISCOVERED THAT HE IS CARRYING 7.7 OUNCES OF MARIJUANA.

HE IS CARRYING 7.7 OUNCES OF MARIJUANA. PAUL IS ARRESTED AND TAKEN

OF MARIJUANA. PAUL IS ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO A DRUG TREATMENT CENTER,

PAUL IS ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO A DRUG TREATMENT CENTER, THEN TRANSFERRED TO A CELL

TO A DRUG TREATMENT CENTER, THEN TRANSFERRED TO A CELL IN A TOKYO PRISON.

THEN TRANSFERRED TO A CELL IN A TOKYO PRISON. DAY TWO: ALL MUSIC COMPOSED

IN A TOKYO PRISON. DAY TWO: ALL MUSIC COMPOSED BY PAUL McCARTNEY IS

DAY TWO: ALL MUSIC COMPOSED BY PAUL McCARTNEY IS BANNED THROUGHOUT JAPAN.

BY PAUL McCARTNEY IS BANNED THROUGHOUT JAPAN. DAY FOUR: LINDA, PAUL'S WIFE,

BANNED THROUGHOUT JAPAN. DAY FOUR: LINDA, PAUL'S WIFE, IS ALLOWED HER FIRST VISIT,

DAY FOUR: LINDA, PAUL'S WIFE, IS ALLOWED HER FIRST VISIT, AND THE WORLD LEARNS THAT PAUL,

IS ALLOWED HER FIRST VISIT, AND THE WORLD LEARNS THAT PAUL, THOUGH MILDLY DEPRESSED,

AND THE WORLD LEARNS THAT PAUL, THOUGH MILDLY DEPRESSED, IS STILL IN GOOD HEALTH.

THOUGH MILDLY DEPRESSED, IS STILL IN GOOD HEALTH. DAY FIVE: PAUL READS

IS STILL IN GOOD HEALTH. DAY FIVE: PAUL READS A PUBLIC STATEMENT PRAISING

DAY FIVE: PAUL READS A PUBLIC STATEMENT PRAISING HIS CAPTORS AND REGRETTING

A PUBLIC STATEMENT PRAISING HIS CAPTORS AND REGRETTING HIS USE OF MARIJUANA.

HIS CAPTORS AND REGRETTING HIS USE OF MARIJUANA. LINDA SAYS, "IT DOESN'T

HIS USE OF MARIJUANA. LINDA SAYS, "IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE HIM.

LINDA SAYS, "IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE HIM. I THINK HE'S TRYING

SOUND LIKE HIM. I THINK HE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING."

I THINK HE'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING." DAY SIX: THE CRISIS GROWS

TO TELL US SOMETHING." DAY SIX: THE CRISIS GROWS MORE SERIOUS AS ALL ROCK

DAY SIX: THE CRISIS GROWS MORE SERIOUS AS ALL ROCK JOURNALISTS ARE GIVEN

MORE SERIOUS AS ALL ROCK JOURNALISTS ARE GIVEN 24 HOURS TO GET OUT OF JAPAN.

JOURNALISTS ARE GIVEN 24 HOURS TO GET OUT OF JAPAN. DAY EIGHT: AS TENSIONS GROW,

24 HOURS TO GET OUT OF JAPAN. DAY EIGHT: AS TENSIONS GROW, A 23-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IS HANGED

DAY EIGHT: AS TENSIONS GROW, A 23-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IS HANGED IN A PUBLIC SQUARE IN KOBE

A 23-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IS HANGED IN A PUBLIC SQUARE IN KOBE FOR WHISTLING "MICHELLE."

IN A PUBLIC SQUARE IN KOBE FOR WHISTLING "MICHELLE." DAY NINE: KURT WALDHEIM TRAVELS

FOR WHISTLING "MICHELLE." DAY NINE: KURT WALDHEIM TRAVELS TO JAPAN AND IS GRANTED A

DAY NINE: KURT WALDHEIM TRAVELS TO JAPAN AND IS GRANTED A 15-MINUTE VISIT WITH McCARTNEY.

TO JAPAN AND IS GRANTED A 15-MINUTE VISIT WITH McCARTNEY. HE SAYS PAUL IS AS WELL

15-MINUTE VISIT WITH McCARTNEY. HE SAYS PAUL IS AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED UNDER

HE SAYS PAUL IS AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH

AS CAN BE EXPECTED UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH BRINGS US TO DAY 10. JANE?

THE CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH BRINGS US TO DAY 10. JANE? BILL, YESTERDAY, DAY 10, WAS

BRINGS US TO DAY 10. JANE? BILL, YESTERDAY, DAY 10, WAS A DAY FILLED WITH SURPRISES.

BILL, YESTERDAY, DAY 10, WAS A DAY FILLED WITH SURPRISES. IN A CLEVER ATTEMPT TO GET

A DAY FILLED WITH SURPRISES. IN A CLEVER ATTEMPT TO GET AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH

IN A CLEVER ATTEMPT TO GET AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE FORMER BEATLE, ONE OF

AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE FORMER BEATLE, ONE OF "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" TOP

THE FORMER BEATLE, ONE OF "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" TOP CORRESPONDENTS FLEW TO TOKYO,

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" TOP CORRESPONDENTS FLEW TO TOKYO, CARRYING A LARGE AMOUNT OF

CORRESPONDENTS FLEW TO TOKYO, CARRYING A LARGE AMOUNT OF MARIJUANA IN HIS LUGGAGE,

CARRYING A LARGE AMOUNT OF MARIJUANA IN HIS LUGGAGE, HOPING TO GET ARRESTED AND

MARIJUANA IN HIS LUGGAGE, HOPING TO GET ARRESTED AND PLACED IN THE SAME JAIL AS PAUL.

HOPING TO GET ARRESTED AND PLACED IN THE SAME JAIL AS PAUL. UNFORTUNATELY, JUST AS OUR

PLACED IN THE SAME JAIL AS PAUL. UNFORTUNATELY, JUST AS OUR CORRESPONDENT WAS LANDING IN

UNFORTUNATELY, JUST AS OUR CORRESPONDENT WAS LANDING IN TOKYO, THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT

CORRESPONDENT WAS LANDING IN TOKYO, THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT MADE A STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT:

TOKYO, THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT MADE A STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT: PAUL McCARTNEY WAS FREE AND WAS

MADE A STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT: PAUL McCARTNEY WAS FREE AND WAS BEING SENT HOME TO ENGLAND.

PAUL McCARTNEY WAS FREE AND WAS BEING SENT HOME TO ENGLAND. SO THE CRISIS IS OVER FOR

BEING SENT HOME TO ENGLAND. SO THE CRISIS IS OVER FOR PAUL McCARTNEY BUT ANOTHER

SO THE CRISIS IS OVER FOR PAUL McCARTNEY BUT ANOTHER ONE HAS JUST BEGUN FOR US HERE

PAUL McCARTNEY BUT ANOTHER ONE HAS JUST BEGUN FOR US HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE," AND

ONE HAS JUST BEGUN FOR US HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE," AND PARTICULARLY, FOR ONE OF

AT "WEEKEND UPDATE," AND PARTICULARLY, FOR ONE OF OUR FAVORITE CORRESPONDENTS.

PARTICULARLY, FOR ONE OF OUR FAVORITE CORRESPONDENTS. THROUGH A COMPLICATED SERIES

OUR FAVORITE CORRESPONDENTS. THROUGH A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NEGOTIATIONS BETWEEN NBC

THROUGH A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NEGOTIATIONS BETWEEN NBC AND JAPANESE AUTHORITIES,

OF NEGOTIATIONS BETWEEN NBC AND JAPANESE AUTHORITIES, PERMISSION WAS GRANTED FOR US

AND JAPANESE AUTHORITIES, PERMISSION WAS GRANTED FOR US TO SEND A CAMERA CREW TO TOKYO

PERMISSION WAS GRANTED FOR US TO SEND A CAMERA CREW TO TOKYO AND ESTABLISH A LIVE HOOKUP

TO SEND A CAMERA CREW TO TOKYO AND ESTABLISH A LIVE HOOKUP WITH OUR CORRESPONDENT.

AND ESTABLISH A LIVE HOOKUP WITH OUR CORRESPONDENT. NOW, FOR A STATEMENT FROM

WITH OUR CORRESPONDENT. NOW, FOR A STATEMENT FROM THAT CORRESPONDENT, WE SWITCH,

NOW, FOR A STATEMENT FROM THAT CORRESPONDENT, WE SWITCH, VIA SATELLITE, TO TOKYO.

THAT CORRESPONDENT, WE SWITCH, VIA SATELLITE, TO TOKYO. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

VIA SATELLITE, TO TOKYO. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] I WANT TO THANK THE JAPANESE

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] I WANT TO THANK THE JAPANESE PEOPLE FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT

I WANT TO THANK THE JAPANESE PEOPLE FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT ABOUT THE EVILS OF MARIJUANA.

PEOPLE FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT ABOUT THE EVILS OF MARIJUANA. THEY ARE TREATING ME VERY WELL.

ABOUT THE EVILS OF MARIJUANA. THEY ARE TREATING ME VERY WELL. I GET THREE MEALS A DAY

THEY ARE TREATING ME VERY WELL. I GET THREE MEALS A DAY AND PLENTY OF FRESH AIR

I GET THREE MEALS A DAY AND PLENTY OF FRESH AIR AND EXERCISE.

AND PLENTY OF FRESH AIR AND EXERCISE. NOW, I'LL KEEP TALKING THIS WAY

AND EXERCISE. NOW, I'LL KEEP TALKING THIS WAY BUT I'LL BE VARYING FROM MY TEXT

NOW, I'LL KEEP TALKING THIS WAY BUT I'LL BE VARYING FROM MY TEXT BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH

BUT I'LL BE VARYING FROM MY TEXT BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH AND THEY CAN ONLY TELL WHAT

BECAUSE THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH AND THEY CAN ONLY TELL WHAT YOU'RE SAYING FROM THE TONE OF

AND THEY CAN ONLY TELL WHAT YOU'RE SAYING FROM THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE, JUST LIKE A DOG.

YOU'RE SAYING FROM THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE, JUST LIKE A DOG. ACTUALLY, WHAT I WOULD

YOUR VOICE, JUST LIKE A DOG. ACTUALLY, WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS...

ACTUALLY, WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS... HELP... HELP ME, PLEASE.

LIKE TO SAY IS... HELP... HELP ME, PLEASE. THIS IS TERRIBLE HERE FOR ME.

HELP... HELP ME, PLEASE. THIS IS TERRIBLE HERE FOR ME. THEY MAKE ME SLEEP ON THE FLOOR,

THIS IS TERRIBLE HERE FOR ME. THEY MAKE ME SLEEP ON THE FLOOR, PLUS THE WALLS ARE PAPER-THIN

THEY MAKE ME SLEEP ON THE FLOOR, PLUS THE WALLS ARE PAPER-THIN AND IT'S HARD TO GET ANY SLEEP.

PLUS THE WALLS ARE PAPER-THIN AND IT'S HARD TO GET ANY SLEEP. IT'S A GOOD THING I HAD A COUPLE

AND IT'S HARD TO GET ANY SLEEP. IT'S A GOOD THING I HAD A COUPLE OF QUAALUDES IN MY SOCK.

IT'S A GOOD THING I HAD A COUPLE OF QUAALUDES IN MY SOCK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OF QUAALUDES IN MY SOCK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND I DON'T KNOW HOW

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I THINK IT BEARS

TO STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I THINK IT BEARS REPEATING... HELP.

I THINK IT BEARS REPEATING... HELP. HELP.

REPEATING... HELP. HELP. AND, IN CONCLUSION, I WOULD

HELP. AND, IN CONCLUSION, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I AGREE WITH

AND, IN CONCLUSION, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I AGREE WITH THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT THAT

LIKE TO SAY I AGREE WITH THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT THAT THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SELL

THE JAPANESE GOVERNMENT THAT THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SELL THEIR GOODS IN THE UNITED

THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SELL THEIR GOODS IN THE UNITED STATES WITHOUT ANY TARIFFS.

THEIR GOODS IN THE UNITED STATES WITHOUT ANY TARIFFS. NO TARIFFS, NO TARIFFS.

STATES WITHOUT ANY TARIFFS. NO TARIFFS, NO TARIFFS. AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY,

NO TARIFFS, NO TARIFFS. AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, LIVE FROM NEW YORK... AND THE

AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, LIVE FROM NEW YORK... AND THE WONDERFUL EMPIRE OF JAPAN...

LIVE FROM NEW YORK... AND THE WONDERFUL EMPIRE OF JAPAN... IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.

WONDERFUL EMPIRE OF JAPAN... IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT. [♪...]

IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT. [♪...] Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY

[♪...] Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE...

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE... WITH TERI GARR!

STARRING JANE CURTAIN... GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN... AND GILDA RADNER.

LARAINE NEWMAN... AND GILDA RADNER. [♪...]

AND GILDA RADNER. [♪...] WITH MUSICAL GUESTS, THE B-52s.

FEATURING PETER AYKROYD... TOM DAVIS... JIM DOWNEY...

TOM DAVIS... JIM DOWNEY... BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY...

JIM DOWNEY... BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY... AL FRANKEN...

BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY... AL FRANKEN... DON NOVELLO...

AL FRANKEN... DON NOVELLO... AND HARRY SHEARER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TERI GARR! [♪..., CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. HI, EVERYBODY! [CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

HI, EVERYBODY! [CHEERS AND WHISTLES] WOW.

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES] WOW. WELL...

WOW. WELL... GEE, I'M JUST THRILLED

WELL... GEE, I'M JUST THRILLED TO BE HERE.

GEE, I'M JUST THRILLED TO BE HERE. I REALLY AM, I'M VERY EXCITED

TO BE HERE. I REALLY AM, I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HOSTING THE SHOW

I REALLY AM, I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HOSTING THE SHOW AND IT'S A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.

TO BE HOSTING THE SHOW AND IT'S A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. IT'S REALLY TERRIFIC.

AND IT'S A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. IT'S REALLY TERRIFIC. IT'S HILARIOUS, I MIGHT ADD.

IT'S REALLY TERRIFIC. IT'S HILARIOUS, I MIGHT ADD. I HOPE YOU THINK SO AND,

IT'S HILARIOUS, I MIGHT ADD. I HOPE YOU THINK SO AND, UH, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF IT,

I HOPE YOU THINK SO AND, UH, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF IT, SO WE'RE JUST GONNA GO

UH, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF IT, SO WE'RE JUST GONNA GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT.

SO WE'RE JUST GONNA GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT. UM, DID I SAY THAT

RIGHT AHEAD AND DO IT. UM, DID I SAY THAT I WAS THRILLED TO BE HERE?

UM, DID I SAY THAT I WAS THRILLED TO BE HERE? I THINK I SAID THAT, AND

I WAS THRILLED TO BE HERE? I THINK I SAID THAT, AND I'M EXCITED AND, UH, LET'S JUST

I THINK I SAID THAT, AND I'M EXCITED AND, UH, LET'S JUST GO RIGHT ON AHEAD WITH IT.

I'M EXCITED AND, UH, LET'S JUST GO RIGHT ON AHEAD WITH IT. I MEAN, WE'LL BE RIGHT

GO RIGHT ON AHEAD WITH IT. I MEAN, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL.

I MEAN, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M SORRY. I LOOK EVERYWHERE. I CAN'T FIND THEM.

I LOOK EVERYWHERE. I CAN'T FIND THEM. GREAT, WE'VE LOST

I CAN'T FIND THEM. GREAT, WE'VE LOST OUR TRAVELER'S CHECKS.

GREAT, WE'VE LOST OUR TRAVELER'S CHECKS. DON'T WORRY,

OUR TRAVELER'S CHECKS. DON'T WORRY, WE CALL THE AMERICAN EXPRESS.

DON'T WORRY, WE CALL THE AMERICAN EXPRESS. BUT THEY WEREN'T

WE CALL THE AMERICAN EXPRESS. BUT THEY WEREN'T AMERICAN EXPRESS.

BUT THEY WEREN'T AMERICAN EXPRESS. OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

AMERICAN EXPRESS. OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. MOST PEOPLE CARRY

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. MOST PEOPLE CARRY AMERICAN EXPRESS, I'M SORRY.

MOST PEOPLE CARRY AMERICAN EXPRESS, I'M SORRY. THEY WERE CRAIG'S

AMERICAN EXPRESS, I'M SORRY. THEY WERE CRAIG'S TRAVELER'S CHECKS.

THEY WERE CRAIG'S TRAVELER'S CHECKS. OH, CRAIG'S!

TRAVELER'S CHECKS. OH, CRAIG'S! WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?

OH, CRAIG'S! WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? FORGET ABOUT IT, NO PROBLEM!

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? FORGET ABOUT IT, NO PROBLEM! HI, I'M CRAIG.

FORGET ABOUT IT, NO PROBLEM! HI, I'M CRAIG. I'M CHEAPER AND MORE RELIABLE

HI, I'M CRAIG. I'M CHEAPER AND MORE RELIABLE THAN AMERICAN EXPRESS 'CAUSE

I'M CHEAPER AND MORE RELIABLE THAN AMERICAN EXPRESS 'CAUSE I NEVER LEAVE MY APARTMENT.

THAN AMERICAN EXPRESS 'CAUSE I NEVER LEAVE MY APARTMENT. YOU CAN CALL ME 24 HOURS A DAY.

I NEVER LEAVE MY APARTMENT. YOU CAN CALL ME 24 HOURS A DAY. [PHONE RINGS]

YOU CAN CALL ME 24 HOURS A DAY. [PHONE RINGS] HELLO?

[PHONE RINGS] HELLO? Operator: COLLECT CALL FROM

HELLO? Operator: COLLECT CALL FROM VENICE, ITALY, FOR CRAIG.

Operator: COLLECT CALL FROM VENICE, ITALY, FOR CRAIG. Announcer: CRAIG, HE'S ALWAYS

VENICE, ITALY, FOR CRAIG. Announcer: CRAIG, HE'S ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM.

Announcer: CRAIG, HE'S ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM. [PHONE RINGS]

THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM. [PHONE RINGS] Craig on answering machine:

[PHONE RINGS] Craig on answering machine: HI, THIS IS CRAIG.

Craig on answering machine: HI, THIS IS CRAIG. I'M IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW.

HI, THIS IS CRAIG. I'M IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW. AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEP,

I'M IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW. AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEP, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NAME AND

AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEP, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NAME AND THE COUNTRY YOU'RE IN.

[BEEPING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[♪...] Announcer: IF ANYONE DOUBTS THAT DEMOCRACY STILL EXISTS IN

Announcer: IF ANYONE DOUBTS THAT DEMOCRACY STILL EXISTS IN AMERICA, LET HIM LOOK TO

THAT DEMOCRACY STILL EXISTS IN AMERICA, LET HIM LOOK TO THE IOWA PRECINCT CAUCUSES,

AMERICA, LET HIM LOOK TO THE IOWA PRECINCT CAUCUSES, WHERE INDIVIDUAL HOUSEHOLDS

THE IOWA PRECINCT CAUCUSES, WHERE INDIVIDUAL HOUSEHOLDS WERE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN

WHERE INDIVIDUAL HOUSEHOLDS WERE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN A MEANINGFUL WAY IN THE PROCESS

WERE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN A MEANINGFUL WAY IN THE PROCESS OF CHOOSING THE NEXT PRESIDENT

A MEANINGFUL WAY IN THE PROCESS OF CHOOSING THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

MRS. VOGLER, I FINISHED THE WASH, BUT I'M AFRAID I COULDN'T GET THE JELLY STAIN

THE WASH, BUT I'M AFRAID I COULDN'T GET THE JELLY STAIN OUT OF KIMBERLY'S CLOTHES.

I COULDN'T GET THE JELLY STAIN OUT OF KIMBERLY'S CLOTHES. OH, MR. BUSH, YOU FOLDED IT.

OUT OF KIMBERLY'S CLOTHES. OH, MR. BUSH, YOU FOLDED IT. YOU'RE SUCH A DEAR.

OH, MR. BUSH, YOU FOLDED IT. YOU'RE SUCH A DEAR. YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE ONE OF

YOU'RE SUCH A DEAR. YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE ONE OF THE OTHER CANDIDATES TAKE THAT

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE ONE OF THE OTHER CANDIDATES TAKE THAT UPSTAIRS AND PUT IT AWAY.

NO, I'M NOT THE SORT OF

PERSON WHO STARTS A JOB AND

WALKS AWAY FROM IT.

I TOOK THE LAUNDRY DOWNSTAIRS.

I SORTED IT, I WASHED IT,

I DRIED IT, I FOLDED IT.

NOW I WANT TO PUT IT AWAY.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

UH, MRS. VOGLER?

I, UH... I SHOVELED ALL

THE SNOW OFF OF THE, UH,

DRIVEWAY AND THE WALK.

SO, UH, IF, UH... THE COUNTY,

UH, SNOWPLOW DOESN'T COME

BY AND, YOU KNOW, PLOW

THE DRIVEWAY, COVER IT UP, YOUR

HUSBAND SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE

GETTING OUT OF THE GARAGE.

WELL, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I, UH, I SLIPPED

ON THE ICE AND I SEEM TO HAVE,

UH, RE-INJURED MY BACK.

OH, I'M SORRY.

UH, MRS. VOGLER, WHERE

DO YOU KEEP THE SAUCEPANS AT?

WELL, ALL THE PANS GO

IN THE CABINET UNDER THE STOVE.

ALL RIGHT, SENATOR BAKER

AND I ARE JUST ABOUT

THROUGH DOING THE DISHES.

SAY, WHAT'S, UH, WHAT'S THE

MATTER WITH SENATOR KENNEDY?

OH, HE, UH, HE SLIPPED ON THE ICE. YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE A LOT

ON THE ICE. YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE A LOT OF TRAVELING IN THIS CAMPAIGN,

YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE A LOT OF TRAVELING IN THIS CAMPAIGN, TALKING TO FOLKS ALL OVER

OF TRAVELING IN THIS CAMPAIGN, TALKING TO FOLKS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND THERE'S TWO

TALKING TO FOLKS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND THERE'S TWO THINGS THAT KEEP COMING UP AGAIN

THE COUNTRY, AND THERE'S TWO THINGS THAT KEEP COMING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

THINGS THAT KEEP COMING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DO NOT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO IS

AND AGAIN: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DO NOT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO IS TOO OLD TO DO THE JOB,

DO NOT WANT A PRESIDENT WHO IS TOO OLD TO DO THE JOB, NOR DO THEY WANT A PRESIDENT

TOO OLD TO DO THE JOB, NOR DO THEY WANT A PRESIDENT WHO IS SIMPLY ACCIDENT-PRONE.

NOR DO THEY WANT A PRESIDENT WHO IS SIMPLY ACCIDENT-PRONE. MOM... MOM, I HAVE

WHO IS SIMPLY ACCIDENT-PRONE. MOM... MOM, I HAVE THIS MATH TEST TOMORROW

MOM... MOM, I HAVE THIS MATH TEST TOMORROW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

THIS MATH TEST TOMORROW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. UH, IS IT MULTIPLICATION,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. UH, IS IT MULTIPLICATION, DIVISION AND SO FORTH?

UH, IS IT MULTIPLICATION, DIVISION AND SO FORTH? YEAH.

DIVISION AND SO FORTH? YEAH. WELL, I'M A LITTLE BIT RUSTY

YEAH. WELL, I'M A LITTLE BIT RUSTY IN THAT AREA BUT I WOULD HAPPY

WELL, I'M A LITTLE BIT RUSTY IN THAT AREA BUT I WOULD HAPPY TO, UH, TAKE THE TEST FOR YOU.

IN THAT AREA BUT I WOULD HAPPY TO, UH, TAKE THE TEST FOR YOU. WOULD YOU?

TO, UH, TAKE THE TEST FOR YOU. WOULD YOU? [LAUGHTER AND CHEERS]

WOULD YOU? [LAUGHTER AND CHEERS] UH, SENATOR...

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERS] UH, SENATOR... THANK YOU, REALLY, BUT I THINK

UH, SENATOR... THANK YOU, REALLY, BUT I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING THAT LITTLE

THANK YOU, REALLY, BUT I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING THAT LITTLE KIMBERLY SHOULD DO ON HER OWN.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT LITTLE KIMBERLY SHOULD DO ON HER OWN. OH, MOM, COME ON.

KIMBERLY SHOULD DO ON HER OWN. OH, MOM, COME ON. KIMBERLY, KIMBERLY, HOW WOULD

OH, MOM, COME ON. KIMBERLY, KIMBERLY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR VERY OWN PONY?

KIMBERLY, KIMBERLY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR VERY OWN PONY? OH, WOULD I!

YOU LIKE YOUR VERY OWN PONY? OH, WOULD I! A PONY? GREAT!

OH, WOULD I! A PONY? GREAT! NOW, GOVERNOR CONNALLY,

A PONY? GREAT! NOW, GOVERNOR CONNALLY, SENATOR KENNEDY, WHEN OUR FAMILY

NOW, GOVERNOR CONNALLY, SENATOR KENNEDY, WHEN OUR FAMILY AGREED TO MEET THE CANDIDATES

SENATOR KENNEDY, WHEN OUR FAMILY AGREED TO MEET THE CANDIDATES PERSONALLY, WE HAD AN

AGREED TO MEET THE CANDIDATES PERSONALLY, WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING THAT CERTAIN KINDS

PERSONALLY, WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING THAT CERTAIN KINDS OF CAMPAIGNING WERE DEFINITELY

UNDERSTANDING THAT CERTAIN KINDS OF CAMPAIGNING WERE DEFINITELY OFF LIMITS AND I'M AFRAID...

OF CAMPAIGNING WERE DEFINITELY OFF LIMITS AND I'M AFRAID... [PHONE RINGS]

OFF LIMITS AND I'M AFRAID... [PHONE RINGS] OH, EXCUSE ME.

[PHONE RINGS] OH, EXCUSE ME. HELLO?

OH, EXCUSE ME. HELLO? YES, MR. PRESIDENT.

HELLO? YES, MR. PRESIDENT. OH, YES, I THINK SHE'LL DO ALL

YES, MR. PRESIDENT. OH, YES, I THINK SHE'LL DO ALL RIGHT ON HER EXAM TOMORROW.

OH, YES, I THINK SHE'LL DO ALL RIGHT ON HER EXAM TOMORROW. WELL, YES, AMY WAS VERY HELPFUL.

RIGHT ON HER EXAM TOMORROW. WELL, YES, AMY WAS VERY HELPFUL. SHE WAS, UH-HUH.

WELL, YES, AMY WAS VERY HELPFUL. SHE WAS, UH-HUH. OH, UM, I UNDERSTAND THAT

SHE WAS, UH-HUH. OH, UM, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT.

OH, UM, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT. UH-HUH, I DO.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT. UH-HUH, I DO. LOOK, MR. PRESIDENT, I HATE TO

UH-HUH, I DO. LOOK, MR. PRESIDENT, I HATE TO BE RUDE, BUT WE CAN'T KEEP TYING

LOOK, MR. PRESIDENT, I HATE TO BE RUDE, BUT WE CAN'T KEEP TYING UP THE LINE THIS WAY SO, UM...

BE RUDE, BUT WE CAN'T KEEP TYING UP THE LINE THIS WAY SO, UM... OH, YEAH, SHE'S HERE.

UP THE LINE THIS WAY SO, UM... OH, YEAH, SHE'S HERE. SHE'S IN SCRUBBING

OH, YEAH, SHE'S HERE. SHE'S IN SCRUBBING THE BATHROOM FLOOR.

SHE'S IN SCRUBBING THE BATHROOM FLOOR. I'LL GET HER, JUST AS MINUTE.

THE BATHROOM FLOOR. I'LL GET HER, JUST AS MINUTE. ROSALYNN?

I'LL GET HER, JUST AS MINUTE. ROSALYNN? TELEPHONE!

ROSALYNN? TELEPHONE! FOR ME?

TELEPHONE! FOR ME? YES, IT'S THE

FOR ME? YES, IT'S THE PRESIDENT AGAIN.

YES, IT'S THE PRESIDENT AGAIN. OH, GOODY.

PRESIDENT AGAIN. OH, GOODY. HI, HONEY!

OH, GOODY. HI, HONEY! YES, THEY UNDERSTAND.

HI, HONEY! YES, THEY UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE TO BE IN WASHINGTON.

YES, THEY UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE TO BE IN WASHINGTON. WELL, I WAS JUST SCRUBBING

YOU HAVE TO BE IN WASHINGTON. WELL, I WAS JUST SCRUBBING THE BATHROOM FLOOR

WELL, I WAS JUST SCRUBBING THE BATHROOM FLOOR WITH CONGRESSMAN CRANE.

THE BATHROOM FLOOR WITH CONGRESSMAN CRANE. HONEY... YOU KNOW, THAT

WITH CONGRESSMAN CRANE. HONEY... YOU KNOW, THAT MAN IS SO FORWARD.

HONEY... YOU KNOW, THAT MAN IS SO FORWARD. HE'S ABOUT THE FRESHEST

MAN IS SO FORWARD. HE'S ABOUT THE FRESHEST MAN I'VE EVER MET.

HE'S ABOUT THE FRESHEST MAN I'VE EVER MET. IT'S REALLY UNBELIEVABLE.

MAN I'VE EVER MET. IT'S REALLY UNBELIEVABLE. OH, DON'T WORRY,

IT'S REALLY UNBELIEVABLE. OH, DON'T WORRY, I'LL JUST TELL HIM TO KEEP

OH, DON'T WORRY, I'LL JUST TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF.

I'LL JUST TELL HIM TO KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF. YES, WE REALLY SHOULD GET OFF.

HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF. YES, WE REALLY SHOULD GET OFF. UH-HUH... I LOVE YOU, TOO.

YES, WE REALLY SHOULD GET OFF. UH-HUH... I LOVE YOU, TOO. WE'RE GONNA WIN! [GIGGLES]

UH-HUH... I LOVE YOU, TOO. WE'RE GONNA WIN! [GIGGLES] BYE-BYE!

WE'RE GONNA WIN! [GIGGLES] BYE-BYE! WELL, JIMMY SAYS HE'LL CALL

BYE-BYE! WELL, JIMMY SAYS HE'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW TO FIND OUT HOW

WELL, JIMMY SAYS HE'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW TO FIND OUT HOW KIMBERLY DOES ON THE TEST.

YOU TOMORROW TO FIND OUT HOW KIMBERLY DOES ON THE TEST. NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING

KIMBERLY DOES ON THE TEST. NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU?

NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU? WELL, MY DAUGHTER

ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU? WELL, MY DAUGHTER ELLEN SHOULD BE FINISHED

WELL, MY DAUGHTER ELLEN SHOULD BE FINISHED WITH BAND PRACTICE SOON.

ELLEN SHOULD BE FINISHED WITH BAND PRACTICE SOON. YOU COULD TAKE THE CAR

WITH BAND PRACTICE SOON. YOU COULD TAKE THE CAR AND PICK HER UP.

YOU COULD TAKE THE CAR AND PICK HER UP. I, UH, WOULD BE GLAD TO TAKE

AND PICK HER UP. I, UH, WOULD BE GLAD TO TAKE THE CAR AND, UH, PICK HER UP.

I, UH, WOULD BE GLAD TO TAKE THE CAR AND, UH, PICK HER UP. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE CAR AND, UH, PICK HER UP. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] UH... NO, SENATOR KENNEDY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] UH... NO, SENATOR KENNEDY. I THINK, I THINK IT WOULD BE

UH... NO, SENATOR KENNEDY. I THINK, I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF ROSALYNN TOOK THE CAR.

I THINK, I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF ROSALYNN TOOK THE CAR. WHY DON'T YOU, UH,

BETTER IF ROSALYNN TOOK THE CAR. WHY DON'T YOU, UH, JUST REST YOUR BACK?

WHY DON'T YOU, UH, JUST REST YOUR BACK? RELAX HERE FOR A WHILE.

JUST REST YOUR BACK? RELAX HERE FOR A WHILE. OK, FINE.

RELAX HERE FOR A WHILE. OK, FINE. I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR.

OK, FINE. I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

I'LL BE BACK IN HALF AN HOUR. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. MRS. VOGLER? >> YES?

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. MRS. VOGLER? >> YES? I TOOK ALL THE SHEETS

MRS. VOGLER? >> YES? I TOOK ALL THE SHEETS AND TOWELS, PUT 'EM

I TOOK ALL THE SHEETS AND TOWELS, PUT 'EM IN THE HALL CLOSET.

AND TOWELS, PUT 'EM IN THE HALL CLOSET. I TOOK THE SOCKS, SORTED 'EM,

IN THE HALL CLOSET. I TOOK THE SOCKS, SORTED 'EM, PUT 'EM IN THE DRAWER.

I TOOK THE SOCKS, SORTED 'EM, PUT 'EM IN THE DRAWER. THERE WAS SOME UNDERWEAR...

PUT 'EM IN THE DRAWER. THERE WAS SOME UNDERWEAR... I DIDN'T KNOW WHOSE IT WAS,

THERE WAS SOME UNDERWEAR... I DIDN'T KNOW WHOSE IT WAS, SO I LEFT IT ON THE BED.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHOSE IT WAS, SO I LEFT IT ON THE BED. OH, UH, WELL, MR. BUSH,

SO I LEFT IT ON THE BED. OH, UH, WELL, MR. BUSH, YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND

OH, UH, WELL, MR. BUSH, YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND ALL DAY JUST LIKE A MADMAN.

YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND ALL DAY JUST LIKE A MADMAN. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN

ALL DAY JUST LIKE A MADMAN. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND REST FOR A WHILE?

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND REST FOR A WHILE? WELL, THAT IS

AND REST FOR A WHILE? WELL, THAT IS JUST NOT MY STYLE.

WELL, THAT IS JUST NOT MY STYLE. LET THE OTHER CANDIDATES REST.

JUST NOT MY STYLE. LET THE OTHER CANDIDATES REST. I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE

LET THE OTHER CANDIDATES REST. I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE AND I SEE SO MUCH THAT

I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE AND I SEE SO MUCH THAT NEEDS DOING, SO MUCH CHANGE

AND I SEE SO MUCH THAT NEEDS DOING, SO MUCH CHANGE THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.

NEEDS DOING, SO MUCH CHANGE THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS BRINGING

THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS BRINGING THE KIDS' BIKES IN FROM THE

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS BRINGING THE KIDS' BIKES IN FROM THE GARAGE THE OTHER DAY, I NOTICED

THE KIDS' BIKES IN FROM THE GARAGE THE OTHER DAY, I NOTICED SOME PAINT PEELING ON THE HOUSE.

GARAGE THE OTHER DAY, I NOTICED SOME PAINT PEELING ON THE HOUSE. NOW, WE COULD ALL

SOME PAINT PEELING ON THE HOUSE. NOW, WE COULD ALL GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING.

NOW, WE COULD ALL GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING. WE COULD DROP A TARP,

GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING. WE COULD DROP A TARP, WE COULD START SCRAPING,

WE COULD DROP A TARP, WE COULD START SCRAPING, WE COULD START PAINTING.

WE COULD START SCRAPING, WE COULD START PAINTING. WE COULD PAINT THAT HOUSE,

WE COULD START PAINTING. WE COULD PAINT THAT HOUSE, WE COULD GET THE JOB DONE.

WE COULD PAINT THAT HOUSE, WE COULD GET THE JOB DONE. I, I COULDN'T HELP

WE COULD GET THE JOB DONE. I, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING MR. BUSH'S PROPOSAL.

I, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING MR. BUSH'S PROPOSAL. AND I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT

OVERHEARING MR. BUSH'S PROPOSAL. AND I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT I THINK THAT IT IS UNWISE

AND I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT I THINK THAT IT IS UNWISE TO ATTEMPT TO PAINT THE HOUSE

I THINK THAT IT IS UNWISE TO ATTEMPT TO PAINT THE HOUSE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.

TO ATTEMPT TO PAINT THE HOUSE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR. WELL, FOR ONCE, I HAVE TO,

THIS TIME OF THE YEAR. WELL, FOR ONCE, I HAVE TO, UH, AGREE WITH SENATOR KENNEDY.

WELL, FOR ONCE, I HAVE TO, UH, AGREE WITH SENATOR KENNEDY. LIKE WE LIKE TO SAY IN TEXAS,

UH, AGREE WITH SENATOR KENNEDY. LIKE WE LIKE TO SAY IN TEXAS, IT'S JUST TOO DAMN COLD.

LIKE WE LIKE TO SAY IN TEXAS, IT'S JUST TOO DAMN COLD. [LAUGHS] I SEE.

IT'S JUST TOO DAMN COLD. [LAUGHS] I SEE. [DOORBELL RINGS]

[LAUGHS] I SEE. [DOORBELL RINGS] WE TRIED TO PAINT

[DOORBELL RINGS] WE TRIED TO PAINT A HOUSE IN HYANNISPORT ONCE...

WE TRIED TO PAINT A HOUSE IN HYANNISPORT ONCE... WAS THAT THE DOORBELL?

A HOUSE IN HYANNISPORT ONCE... WAS THAT THE DOORBELL? OH, I'LL GET IT.

WAS THAT THE DOORBELL? OH, I'LL GET IT. OH, COME IN, OFFICER.

OH, I'LL GET IT. OH, COME IN, OFFICER. I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,

OH, COME IN, OFFICER. I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MRS. VOGLER, BUT WE HAD A REPORT

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MRS. VOGLER, BUT WE HAD A REPORT THAT CONGRESSMAN JOHN B. ADAM...

MRS. VOGLER, BUT WE HAD A REPORT THAT CONGRESSMAN JOHN B. ADAM... ANDERSON, RATHER, EXCUSE ME...

THAT CONGRESSMAN JOHN B. ADAM... ANDERSON, RATHER, EXCUSE ME... WAS SIGHTED IN THE AREA.

ANDERSON, RATHER, EXCUSE ME... WAS SIGHTED IN THE AREA. UH, WE HAD TO CHECK IT OUT.

WAS SIGHTED IN THE AREA. UH, WE HAD TO CHECK IT OUT. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM,

UH, WE HAD TO CHECK IT OUT. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM, UH, BY ANY CHANCE?

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM, UH, BY ANY CHANCE? WELL, OFFICER, WE HAVE

UH, BY ANY CHANCE? WELL, OFFICER, WE HAVE HAD ALL THE CANDIDATES HERE

WELL, OFFICER, WE HAVE HAD ALL THE CANDIDATES HERE IN THE LAST TWO DAYS,

HAD ALL THE CANDIDATES HERE IN THE LAST TWO DAYS, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN CONGRESSMAN

IN THE LAST TWO DAYS, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON AT ALL.

BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON AT ALL. DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW

ANDERSON AT ALL. DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?

DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? I'M AFRAID I DON'T, MA'AM.

WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? I'M AFRAID I DON'T, MA'AM. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH

I'M AFRAID I DON'T, MA'AM. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH ON HIM TO PUT TOGETHER

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH ON HIM TO PUT TOGETHER A COMPOSITE SKETCH.

ON HIM TO PUT TOGETHER A COMPOSITE SKETCH. I SEE.

A COMPOSITE SKETCH. I SEE. WELL, HAS ANYONE HERE

I SEE. WELL, HAS ANYONE HERE SEEN CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON?

WELL, HAS ANYONE HERE SEEN CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON? MOM, ISN'T THAT

SEEN CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON? MOM, ISN'T THAT CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON CLEANING

MOM, ISN'T THAT CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON CLEANING OUT THE HUMIDIFIER UPSTAIRS?

CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON CLEANING OUT THE HUMIDIFIER UPSTAIRS? OH... [LAUGHS]

OUT THE HUMIDIFIER UPSTAIRS? OH... [LAUGHS] NO, HONEY, THAT'S SENATOR DOLE.

OH... [LAUGHS] NO, HONEY, THAT'S SENATOR DOLE. I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE

NO, HONEY, THAT'S SENATOR DOLE. I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE OF MUCH HELP, OFFICER.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE OF MUCH HELP, OFFICER. IF WE SEE ANYONE THAT

OF MUCH HELP, OFFICER. IF WE SEE ANYONE THAT WE DON'T RECOGNIZE, THOUGH,

IF WE SEE ANYONE THAT WE DON'T RECOGNIZE, THOUGH, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

WE DON'T RECOGNIZE, THOUGH, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. THANKS, MA'AM,

WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. THANKS, MA'AM, HERE'S THE NUMBER TO CALL.

THANKS, MA'AM, HERE'S THE NUMBER TO CALL. OH, THANK YOU.

UH, MRS. VOGLER, I FINISHED

WASHING THE DISHES AND IF,

IF GOVERNOR CONNALLY WOULD BE

GOOD ENOUGH TO DRY THEM AS

HE PROMISED, WE COULD GET

ONTO OTHER, MORE IMPORTANT

HOUSEHOLD TASKS.

WELL, FOR A MAN WHO WOULD LIKE TO RUN THIS COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT, YOU DO A DAMN

LIKE TO RUN THIS COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT, YOU DO A DAMN POOR JOB OF WASHING GLASSES.

GOVERNMENT, YOU DO A DAMN POOR JOB OF WASHING GLASSES. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU

POOR JOB OF WASHING GLASSES. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY FRIEND, IT HAPPENS

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY FRIEND, IT HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIFFICULT TO

SOMETHING, MY FRIEND, IT HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIFFICULT TO CONCENTRATE ON WASHING A WATER

TO BE VERY DIFFICULT TO CONCENTRATE ON WASHING A WATER GLASS WHEN YOU'RE CONCERNED

CONCENTRATE ON WASHING A WATER GLASS WHEN YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THE FATE OF 50 AMERICAN

GLASS WHEN YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THE FATE OF 50 AMERICAN HOSTAGES OVER IN IRAN.

ABOUT THE FATE OF 50 AMERICAN HOSTAGES OVER IN IRAN. NOW, SENATOR BAKER, I THINK

HOSTAGES OVER IN IRAN. NOW, SENATOR BAKER, I THINK THAT WE'RE ALL... ALL THE

NOW, SENATOR BAKER, I THINK THAT WE'RE ALL... ALL THE CANDIDATES ARE CONCERNED ABOUT

THAT WE'RE ALL... ALL THE CANDIDATES ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOSTAGES IN... IN IRAN.

CANDIDATES ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE HOSTAGES IN... IN IRAN. NOT AS MUCH AS ME,

THE HOSTAGES IN... IN IRAN. NOT AS MUCH AS ME, NOT AS MUCH AS ME.

NOT AS MUCH AS ME, NOT AS MUCH AS ME. THAT'S A SMOOTH MOVE,

NOT AS MUCH AS ME. THAT'S A SMOOTH MOVE, MR. CONNALLY.

THAT'S A SMOOTH MOVE, MR. CONNALLY. UH, APPARENTLY, I'M NOT

MR. CONNALLY. UH, APPARENTLY, I'M NOT THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO IS

UH, APPARENTLY, I'M NOT THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO IS ACCIDENT-PRONE AROUND HERE.

THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO IS ACCIDENT-PRONE AROUND HERE. WELL, NOBODY DROWNED,

ACCIDENT-PRONE AROUND HERE. WELL, NOBODY DROWNED, DID THEY?

WELL, NOBODY DROWNED, DID THEY? I DIDN'T SEE LITTLE

DID THEY? I DIDN'T SEE LITTLE KIMBERLY HERE DROWN 'CAUSE

I DIDN'T SEE LITTLE KIMBERLY HERE DROWN 'CAUSE I DROPPED A GLASS, DID YOU?

KIMBERLY HERE DROWN 'CAUSE I DROPPED A GLASS, DID YOU? YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT.

I DROPPED A GLASS, DID YOU? YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT. [ALL CLAMORING]

YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT. [ALL CLAMORING] [GROANING] MY BACK, MY BACK!

[ALL CLAMORING] [GROANING] MY BACK, MY BACK! OH, DEAR, COULD

[GROANING] MY BACK, MY BACK! OH, DEAR, COULD EVERYONE JUST TAKE IT EASY?

OH, DEAR, COULD EVERYONE JUST TAKE IT EASY? LISTEN, I'M AFRAID IF WE DON'T

EVERYONE JUST TAKE IT EASY? LISTEN, I'M AFRAID IF WE DON'T KEEP IT DOWN, WE'RE GOING TO...

LISTEN, I'M AFRAID IF WE DON'T KEEP IT DOWN, WE'RE GOING TO... WE'RE GOING TO WAKE UP GOVERNOR

KEEP IT DOWN, WE'RE GOING TO... WE'RE GOING TO WAKE UP GOVERNOR REAGAN AND HE NEEDS HIS REST.

WE'RE GOING TO WAKE UP GOVERNOR REAGAN AND HE NEEDS HIS REST. [LAUGHTER]

REAGAN AND HE NEEDS HIS REST. [LAUGHTER] WELL, KENNEDY STARTED IT.

[LAUGHTER] WELL, KENNEDY STARTED IT. WELL, WHO CARES

WELL, KENNEDY STARTED IT. WELL, WHO CARES WHO STARTED IT?

WELL, WHO CARES WHO STARTED IT? I'M SURE THAT A YEAR FROM NOW,

WHO STARTED IT? I'M SURE THAT A YEAR FROM NOW, WE'RE ALL GONNA LOOK AT,

I'M SURE THAT A YEAR FROM NOW, WE'RE ALL GONNA LOOK AT, LOOK BACK AT THIS AS, UH...

WE'RE ALL GONNA LOOK AT, LOOK BACK AT THIS AS, UH... AND LAUGH A YEAR FROM NOW.

LOOK BACK AT THIS AS, UH... AND LAUGH A YEAR FROM NOW. [KENNEDY LAUGHS]

Announcer: GEORGE BUSH

SUFFERED A MASSIVE HERNIA

WHILE HELPING A NEW HAMPSHIRE

FARMER REMOVE A TREE STUMP

FROM HIS PROPERTY.

[♪...]

SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY

WITHDREW FROM THE RACE AFTER

A HUMILIATING DEFEAT IN

THE MASSACHUSETTS PRIMARY.

JOHN CONNALLY, FORCED OUT OF THE

RACE AFTER HIS INDICTMENT ON TWO

COUNTS OF FIRST DEGREE MURDER...

SENATOR HOWARD BAKER, FOUND IN A

MOTEL ROOM DURING THE WISCONSIN

PRIMARY WITH CONGRESSMAN CRANE.

RONALD REAGAN, FORCED TO

WITHDRAW FROM THE RACE

FOR LYING ABOUT HIS AGE.

HE WAS 94.

JIMMY CARTER, RE-NOMINATED BY

ACCLIMATION BUT LOST A GENERAL

ELECTION DUE TO SOVIET TAKEOVER

OF AFGHANISTAN, YUGOSLAVIA,

FRANCE AND SCOTLAND.

JOHN B. ANDERSON, ELECTED

40th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS,

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS...]

Announcer: THE FOLLOWING EPISODE OF "DEBS BEHIND BARS" CONTAINS SCENES OF ICKY PRISON

EPISODE OF "DEBS BEHIND BARS" CONTAINS SCENES OF ICKY PRISON LIFE AMONG HARDENED CRIMINALS,

CONTAINS SCENES OF ICKY PRISON LIFE AMONG HARDENED CRIMINALS, AS WELL AS GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF

LIFE AMONG HARDENED CRIMINALS, AS WELL AS GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF UNATTRACTIVE MESS HALLS,

AS WELL AS GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF UNATTRACTIVE MESS HALLS, AND CELLS SO GROSS AND

UNATTRACTIVE MESS HALLS, AND CELLS SO GROSS AND DISGUSTING YOU WOULDN'T

AND CELLS SO GROSS AND DISGUSTING YOU WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO WALK INTO ONE,

DISGUSTING YOU WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO WALK INTO ONE, MUCH LESS HAVE TO SPEND

EVEN WANT TO WALK INTO ONE, MUCH LESS HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME THERE.

MUCH LESS HAVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME THERE. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

A LOT OF TIME THERE. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED. [PLAYING OFF-KEY]

MUFFIN, WOULD YOU PLEASE CUT IT OUT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE

PLEASE CUT IT OUT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE SOME MORE THANK YOU NOTES?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE SOME MORE THANK YOU NOTES? MY ARM'S TIRED.

SOME MORE THANK YOU NOTES? MY ARM'S TIRED. BESIDES, PLAYING THE FRENCH

MY ARM'S TIRED. BESIDES, PLAYING THE FRENCH HORN HAPPENS TO BE MY WAY

BESIDES, PLAYING THE FRENCH HORN HAPPENS TO BE MY WAY OF COPING WITH THE GRIM

HORN HAPPENS TO BE MY WAY OF COPING WITH THE GRIM REALITY OF PRISON LIFE.

OF COPING WITH THE GRIM REALITY OF PRISON LIFE. I AM SO BORED!

REALITY OF PRISON LIFE. I AM SO BORED! I HATE THIS PLACE, I HATE IT!

I AM SO BORED! I HATE THIS PLACE, I HATE IT! WINKY!

I HATE THIS PLACE, I HATE IT! WINKY! OH, I'M SORRY, I DO.

WINKY! OH, I'M SORRY, I DO. I HATE IT.

OH, I'M SORRY, I DO. I HATE IT. I HATE BEING BEATEN

I HATE IT. I HATE BEING BEATEN BY THE GUARDS, I HATE

I HATE BEING BEATEN BY THE GUARDS, I HATE GETTING STARED AT IN THE

BY THE GUARDS, I HATE GETTING STARED AT IN THE SHOWER, I HATE GETTING CAUGHT

GETTING STARED AT IN THE SHOWER, I HATE GETTING CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAZOR FIGHTS.

SHOWER, I HATE GETTING CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAZOR FIGHTS. I JUST HATE IT!

IN THE MIDDLE OF RAZOR FIGHTS. I JUST HATE IT! I HATE ALL THE GIRLS, TOO!

I JUST HATE IT! I HATE ALL THE GIRLS, TOO! WINKY, TRY TO REMEMBER

I HATE ALL THE GIRLS, TOO! WINKY, TRY TO REMEMBER THAT A LOT OF THE OTHER GIRLS

WINKY, TRY TO REMEMBER THAT A LOT OF THE OTHER GIRLS HAVEN'T HAD THE ADVANTAGES

THAT A LOT OF THE OTHER GIRLS HAVEN'T HAD THE ADVANTAGES THAT WE'VE HAD.

HAVEN'T HAD THE ADVANTAGES THAT WE'VE HAD. WELL, I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER

THAT WE'VE HAD. WELL, I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS, EITHER.

WELL, I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS, EITHER. WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET PAROLED?

YEAR OF THIS, EITHER. WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET PAROLED? WELL, DADDY SAYS TO

WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET PAROLED? WELL, DADDY SAYS TO SIT TIGHT AND WAIT UNTIL

WELL, DADDY SAYS TO SIT TIGHT AND WAIT UNTIL GEORGE BUSH IS PRESIDENT...

SIT TIGHT AND WAIT UNTIL GEORGE BUSH IS PRESIDENT... AND WE'LL GET A PARDON.

GEORGE BUSH IS PRESIDENT... AND WE'LL GET A PARDON. Woman: MAIL CALL!

AND WE'LL GET A PARDON. Woman: MAIL CALL! AW, NO.

Woman: MAIL CALL! AW, NO. WATCH OUT, HERE'S THE MATRON.

AW, NO. WATCH OUT, HERE'S THE MATRON. [LAUGHTER]

WATCH OUT, HERE'S THE MATRON. [LAUGHTER] WELL, LOOK AT THIS...

[LAUGHTER] WELL, LOOK AT THIS... A COVER STORY ON

WELL, LOOK AT THIS... A COVER STORY ON WINTERING IN MEXICO.

A COVER STORY ON WINTERING IN MEXICO. I BET YOU KNOW

WINTERING IN MEXICO. I BET YOU KNOW SOME OF THESE GIRLS!

I BET YOU KNOW SOME OF THESE GIRLS! OH, THE NEW TOWN AND COUNTRY!

SOME OF THESE GIRLS! OH, THE NEW TOWN AND COUNTRY! LET ME SEE IT, LET ME SEE IT!

OH, THE NEW TOWN AND COUNTRY! LET ME SEE IT, LET ME SEE IT! AH, AH, AH, AH, AH!

LET ME SEE IT, LET ME SEE IT! AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! NOT SO FAST, THE SUBSCRIPTION

AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! NOT SO FAST, THE SUBSCRIPTION RATE JUST WENT UP.

NOT SO FAST, THE SUBSCRIPTION RATE JUST WENT UP. OH, ALL RIGHT!

RATE JUST WENT UP. OH, ALL RIGHT! HERE!

OH, ALL RIGHT! HERE! MMM, MMM, MMM.

HERE! MMM, MMM, MMM. UH, MISS... THERE'S SOMEONE

MMM, MMM, MMM. UH, MISS... THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE TO SEE YOU, HONEY.

UH, MISS... THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE TO SEE YOU, HONEY. OH, MAYBE IT'S ABOUT OUR

OUTSIDE TO SEE YOU, HONEY. OH, MAYBE IT'S ABOUT OUR REQUEST FOR MORE CLOSET SPACE!

OH, MAYBE IT'S ABOUT OUR REQUEST FOR MORE CLOSET SPACE! OH, RIGHT.

REQUEST FOR MORE CLOSET SPACE! OH, RIGHT. UH, MISS WEINSTEIN?

OH, RIGHT. UH, MISS WEINSTEIN? I'VE GOT A BIG DATE AFTER

UH, MISS WEINSTEIN? I'VE GOT A BIG DATE AFTER WORK TONIGHT, AND I'D JUST LOVE

I'VE GOT A BIG DATE AFTER WORK TONIGHT, AND I'D JUST LOVE TO BORROW ONE OF YOUR FINE

WORK TONIGHT, AND I'D JUST LOVE TO BORROW ONE OF YOUR FINE PASTEL MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS.

TO BORROW ONE OF YOUR FINE PASTEL MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS. NO, THEY'D BE

PASTEL MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS. NO, THEY'D BE TOO SMALL ON YOU.

NO, THEY'D BE TOO SMALL ON YOU. MMM-HMM... PLEASE?

TOO SMALL ON YOU. MMM-HMM... PLEASE? OH, OH!

MMM-HMM... PLEASE? OH, OH! OH, NO, YOU'LL WRECK IT!

OH, OH! OH, NO, YOU'LL WRECK IT! PRETTY PLEASE?

OH, NO, YOU'LL WRECK IT! PRETTY PLEASE? OK, OK, OK!

PRETTY PLEASE? OK, OK, OK! HERE, TAKE IT.

OK, OK, OK! HERE, TAKE IT. THANK YOU.

HERE, TAKE IT. THANK YOU. BY THE WAY, IT'S A SHAME YOU

THANK YOU. BY THE WAY, IT'S A SHAME YOU TWO GIRLS DIDN'T GET TO SEE

BY THE WAY, IT'S A SHAME YOU TWO GIRLS DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE PRINCETON-HARVARD GAME.

TWO GIRLS DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE PRINCETON-HARVARD GAME. BUT THEN, YOU PROBABLY

THE PRINCETON-HARVARD GAME. BUT THEN, YOU PROBABLY DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL ANYWAY.

BUT THEN, YOU PROBABLY DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL ANYWAY. Girls: WHO WON?! WHO WON?!

DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL ANYWAY. Girls: WHO WON?! WHO WON?! NO, COME ON!

Girls: WHO WON?! WHO WON?! NO, COME ON! [BOTH WHIMPERING]

DADDY. BITSY, NICE TO SEE YOU! TERRIFIC, MARVELOUS...

BITSY, NICE TO SEE YOU! TERRIFIC, MARVELOUS... COULDN'T BE BETTER.

TERRIFIC, MARVELOUS... COULDN'T BE BETTER. OH, DADDY, WHAT A SURPRISE!

COULDN'T BE BETTER. OH, DADDY, WHAT A SURPRISE! PLEASURE, GOOD FOR YOU.

OH, DADDY, WHAT A SURPRISE! PLEASURE, GOOD FOR YOU. WELL, IS THERE ANY NEWS?

PLEASURE, GOOD FOR YOU. WELL, IS THERE ANY NEWS? WELL, LOOK AT THIS: THE 1980

WELL, IS THERE ANY NEWS? WELL, LOOK AT THIS: THE 1980 SOCIAL REGISTER'S OUT,

WELL, LOOK AT THIS: THE 1980 SOCIAL REGISTER'S OUT, AND HERE YOU ARE...

SOCIAL REGISTER'S OUT, AND HERE YOU ARE... ELIZABETH HOLBROOK BREWSTER:

AND HERE YOU ARE... ELIZABETH HOLBROOK BREWSTER: JUNIOR MISS, STATE PENITENTIARY.

ELIZABETH HOLBROOK BREWSTER: JUNIOR MISS, STATE PENITENTIARY. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT?

JUNIOR MISS, STATE PENITENTIARY. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT? COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE!

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT? COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE! WELL, DADDY,

COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE! WELL, DADDY, BUT WHAT THE APPEAL?

WELL, DADDY, BUT WHAT THE APPEAL? WELL, BITSY, WE'VE DONE

BUT WHAT THE APPEAL? WELL, BITSY, WE'VE DONE ABOUT ALL WE CAN THERE.

WELL, BITSY, WE'VE DONE ABOUT ALL WE CAN THERE. ALL WE CAN HOPE IS THAT

ABOUT ALL WE CAN THERE. ALL WE CAN HOPE IS THAT GEORGE BUSH DOES WELL

ALL WE CAN HOPE IS THAT GEORGE BUSH DOES WELL IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.

GEORGE BUSH DOES WELL IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME TODAY.

IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME TODAY. I CAME HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU

BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I CAME TODAY. I CAME HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL...

I CAME HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL... SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO BE

TO MEET SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL... SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO BE YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER.

SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO BE YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER. DADDY, YOU'RE

YOUR NEW STEPMOTHER. DADDY, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?

DADDY, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED? DARLING, WOULD YOU COME IN?

GETTING MARRIED? DARLING, WOULD YOU COME IN? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DARLING, WOULD YOU COME IN? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] GLORIA VANDERBILT,

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] GLORIA VANDERBILT, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

GLORIA VANDERBILT, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! GLORIA HAS HER

I DON'T BELIEVE IT! GLORIA HAS HER OWN BUSINESS, BITSY.

GLORIA HAS HER OWN BUSINESS, BITSY. SHE DESIGNS BLUE JEANS.

OWN BUSINESS, BITSY. SHE DESIGNS BLUE JEANS. DON'T YOU LOVE IT?

SHE DESIGNS BLUE JEANS. DON'T YOU LOVE IT? COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE.

DON'T YOU LOVE IT? COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE. YOU'RE LOOKING

COULDN'T LIKE IT MORE. YOU'RE LOOKING WONDERFUL, GLORIA!

YOU'RE LOOKING WONDERFUL, GLORIA! MY JEANS FIT FANTASTICALLY!

WONDERFUL, GLORIA! MY JEANS FIT FANTASTICALLY! THEY HUG YOUR HIPS, DON'T BIND

MY JEANS FIT FANTASTICALLY! THEY HUG YOUR HIPS, DON'T BIND HERE AND SHAPE YOUR DERRIERE.

THEY HUG YOUR HIPS, DON'T BIND HERE AND SHAPE YOUR DERRIERE. AND IT LOOKS SUPER

HERE AND SHAPE YOUR DERRIERE. AND IT LOOKS SUPER WITH MY VANDERBILT TOPS.

AND IT LOOKS SUPER WITH MY VANDERBILT TOPS. FOR MURJANI!

WITH MY VANDERBILT TOPS. FOR MURJANI! WELL, I'M VERY HAPPY

FOR MURJANI! WELL, I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.

WELL, I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH. BITSY, THERE'S ONE

FOR YOU BOTH. BITSY, THERE'S ONE MORE THING...

BITSY, THERE'S ONE MORE THING... UH, THE CHURCH IS A BIT SMALL,

MORE THING... UH, THE CHURCH IS A BIT SMALL, AND SINCE YOU ARE A CONVICTED

UH, THE CHURCH IS A BIT SMALL, AND SINCE YOU ARE A CONVICTED FELON, SOME OF GLORIA'S FAMILY

AND SINCE YOU ARE A CONVICTED FELON, SOME OF GLORIA'S FAMILY FELT THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE

FELON, SOME OF GLORIA'S FAMILY FELT THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE INVITED TO THE WEDDING.

FELT THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE INVITED TO THE WEDDING. WE HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

INVITED TO THE WEDDING. WE HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. NOT INVITED?!

WE HOPE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND. NOT INVITED?! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

NOT INVITED?! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] Announcer: TOMORROW NIGHT

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] Announcer: TOMORROW NIGHT ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS":

Announcer: TOMORROW NIGHT ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS": THE GIRLS IN CELL BLOCK "G"

ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS": THE GIRLS IN CELL BLOCK "G" BECOME UNWITTING ACCOMPLICES

THE GIRLS IN CELL BLOCK "G" BECOME UNWITTING ACCOMPLICES TO A BREAKOUT SCHEME.

BECOME UNWITTING ACCOMPLICES TO A BREAKOUT SCHEME. Muffin: CAN YOU STAND IT?

TO A BREAKOUT SCHEME. Muffin: CAN YOU STAND IT? SOMEBODY'S BREAKING IN!

Muffin: CAN YOU STAND IT? SOMEBODY'S BREAKING IN! [GIRLS SQUEAL]

SOMEBODY'S BREAKING IN! [GIRLS SQUEAL] OH, WOW!

[GIRLS SQUEAL] OH, WOW! HI, GIRLS!

OH, WOW! HI, GIRLS! GEE, GOSH!

HI, GIRLS! GEE, GOSH! YOU KNOW, WE'RE CONFINED

GEE, GOSH! YOU KNOW, WE'RE CONFINED TO THE MEN'S CORRECTIONAL

YOU KNOW, WE'RE CONFINED TO THE MEN'S CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTE ACROSS THE WAY,

TO THE MEN'S CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTE ACROSS THE WAY, AND WE'RE BREAKING OUT FOR

INSTITUTE ACROSS THE WAY, AND WE'RE BREAKING OUT FOR A LITTLE ROAD TRIP.

AND WE'RE BREAKING OUT FOR A LITTLE ROAD TRIP. THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US.

A LITTLE ROAD TRIP. THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US. YES, SOME SERIOUS

THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US. YES, SOME SERIOUS BREAKOUT ACTION.

YES, SOME SERIOUS BREAKOUT ACTION. REALLY, FOR SURE.

BREAKOUT ACTION. REALLY, FOR SURE. WHERE'D YOU PREP?

REALLY, FOR SURE. WHERE'D YOU PREP? LAWRENCESVILLE.

WHERE'D YOU PREP? LAWRENCESVILLE. OH, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?

LAWRENCESVILLE. OH, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? WELL, WE'RE DOING SIX MONTHS

OH, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? WELL, WE'RE DOING SIX MONTHS FOR DROPPING TROU AT

WELL, WE'RE DOING SIX MONTHS FOR DROPPING TROU AT THE MILLBROOK COTILLION.

FOR DROPPING TROU AT THE MILLBROOK COTILLION. WE'VE GOT A COUPLE OF KEGS,

THE MILLBROOK COTILLION. WE'VE GOT A COUPLE OF KEGS, SOME SCOTCH... IT'LL BE KEEN!

WE'VE GOT A COUPLE OF KEGS, SOME SCOTCH... IT'LL BE KEEN! REALLY, WE'RE TALKING INTENSE

SOME SCOTCH... IT'LL BE KEEN! REALLY, WE'RE TALKING INTENSE ROAD TRIP ACTIVITY.

REALLY, WE'RE TALKING INTENSE ROAD TRIP ACTIVITY. WHO ARE THESE GUYS?

ROAD TRIP ACTIVITY. WHO ARE THESE GUYS? WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCED.

WHO ARE THESE GUYS? WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCED. WELL, OK, IT'S A LONG STORY,

WE HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCED. WELL, OK, IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT... YOU'RE HARRISON

WELL, OK, IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT... YOU'RE HARRISON WEINSTEIN'S SISTER, RIGHT?

BUT... YOU'RE HARRISON WEINSTEIN'S SISTER, RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT.

WEINSTEIN'S SISTER, RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, OK, I PLAYED HOCKEY

THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, OK, I PLAYED HOCKEY WITH HARRY, BACK AT CHOATE.

WELL, OK, I PLAYED HOCKEY WITH HARRY, BACK AT CHOATE. AND I THINK THAT YOUR SISTER

WITH HARRY, BACK AT CHOATE. AND I THINK THAT YOUR SISTER KNOWS MY COUSIN FROM NANTUCKET.

AND I THINK THAT YOUR SISTER KNOWS MY COUSIN FROM NANTUCKET. YOU'RE BILL'S BROTHER?

KNOWS MY COUSIN FROM NANTUCKET. YOU'RE BILL'S BROTHER? YES, THAT'S RIGHT!

YOU'RE BILL'S BROTHER? YES, THAT'S RIGHT! OH, I'M SORRY.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT! OH, I'M SORRY. MY NAME'S COTTIE,

OH, I'M SORRY. MY NAME'S COTTIE, THIS IS WINNIE... >> HI.

MY NAME'S COTTIE, THIS IS WINNIE... >> HI. AND THIS HERE

THIS IS WINNIE... >> HI. AND THIS HERE IS BIDDLE PEMBERTON,

AND THIS HERE IS BIDDLE PEMBERTON, BUT WE CALL HIM BARNIO.

IS BIDDLE PEMBERTON, BUT WE CALL HIM BARNIO. HE'S A COMPLETE WILD MAN,

BUT WE CALL HIM BARNIO. HE'S A COMPLETE WILD MAN, TOTAL MADMAN.

HE'S A COMPLETE WILD MAN, TOTAL MADMAN. I MEAN, INTENSE G&T CONSUMPTION!

TOTAL MADMAN. I MEAN, INTENSE G&T CONSUMPTION! I MEAN, REALLY, FOR SURE.

I MEAN, INTENSE G&T CONSUMPTION! I MEAN, REALLY, FOR SURE. WOW... HE LOOKS REALLY FACED.

I MEAN, REALLY, FOR SURE. WOW... HE LOOKS REALLY FACED. LET'S GO FOR IT!

WOW... HE LOOKS REALLY FACED. LET'S GO FOR IT! COME ON, LET'S PARTY! WHOO!

LET'S GO FOR IT! COME ON, LET'S PARTY! WHOO! OH, NO, YOU WANT TO WALK

COME ON, LET'S PARTY! WHOO! OH, NO, YOU WANT TO WALK THROUGH THAT TUNNEL?

OH, NO, YOU WANT TO WALK THROUGH THAT TUNNEL? IT LOOKS REALLY FILTHY IN THERE!

THROUGH THAT TUNNEL? IT LOOKS REALLY FILTHY IN THERE! DID YOU CRAWL THROUGH THAT?

IT LOOKS REALLY FILTHY IN THERE! DID YOU CRAWL THROUGH THAT? WELL, YEAH.

DID YOU CRAWL THROUGH THAT? WELL, YEAH. BARNIO'S PROBABLY BACK

WELL, YEAH. BARNIO'S PROBABLY BACK THERE BOOTING... BLOWING LUNCH.

BARNIO'S PROBABLY BACK THERE BOOTING... BLOWING LUNCH. HE HAD TO BOOT! [LAUGHS]

THERE BOOTING... BLOWING LUNCH. HE HAD TO BOOT! [LAUGHS] [GIRLS GROAN]

HE HAD TO BOOT! [LAUGHS] [GIRLS GROAN] BARF! EW, DOUBLE BARF!

[GIRLS GROAN] BARF! EW, DOUBLE BARF! Announcer: THAT'S TOMORROW

BARF! EW, DOUBLE BARF! Announcer: THAT'S TOMORROW NIGHT ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS."

Announcer: THAT'S TOMORROW NIGHT ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS." [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

NIGHT ON "DEBS BEHIND BARS." [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE B-52s. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE B-52s. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["ROCK LOBSTER" PLAYS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["ROCK LOBSTER" PLAYS] ♪ WE WERE AT A PARTY ♪

["ROCK LOBSTER" PLAYS] ♪ WE WERE AT A PARTY ♪ ♪ HIS EARLOBE FELL IN THE DEEP ♪

♪ WE WERE AT A PARTY ♪ ♪ HIS EARLOBE FELL IN THE DEEP ♪ ♪ SOMEONE REACHED IN

♪ HIS EARLOBE FELL IN THE DEEP ♪ ♪ SOMEONE REACHED IN AND GRABBED IT ♪

♪ SOMEONE REACHED IN AND GRABBED IT ♪ ♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪

AND GRABBED IT ♪ ♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪

♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ [♪...]

♪ WE WERE AT THE BEACH ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY HAD MATCHING TOWELS ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HAD MATCHING TOWELS ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY WENT UNDER A DOCK

MATCHING TOWELS ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY WENT UNDER A DOCK AND THERE THEY SAW A ROCK ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WENT UNDER A DOCK AND THERE THEY SAW A ROCK ♪ ♪ IT WASN'T A ROCK ♪

AND THERE THEY SAW A ROCK ♪ ♪ IT WASN'T A ROCK ♪ ♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ IT WASN'T A ROCK ♪ ♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪

♪ IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ AHH... AHH... AHH... AHH ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ [♪...]

♪ MOTION IN THE OCEAN ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ HIS AIR HOSE BROKE ♪

♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ HIS AIR HOSE BROKE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪

♪ HIS AIR HOSE BROKE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ LOTS OF TROUBLE ♪

♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ LOTS OF TROUBLE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪

♪ LOTS OF TROUBLE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ LOTS OF BUBBLE ♪

♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ LOTS OF BUBBLE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪

♪ LOTS OF BUBBLE ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ HE WAS IN A JAM ♪

♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ HE WAS IN A JAM ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪

♪ HE WAS IN A JAM ♪ ♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ S'IN A GIANT CLAM ♪

♪ OOH-AHH ♪ ♪ S'IN A GIANT CLAM ♪ [♪...]

♪ S'IN A GIANT CLAM ♪ [♪...] ♪ ROCK... ROCK ♪

[♪...] ♪ ROCK... ROCK ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ ROCK... ROCK ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ DOWN, DOWN ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ DOWN, DOWN ♪ [♪...]

♪ LOBSTER ♪ [VOCALIZATIONS] ♪ ROCK ♪

[VOCALIZATIONS] ♪ ROCK ♪ ♪ LOBSTER ♪

♪ ROCK ♪ ♪ LOBSTER ♪ ♪ ROCK ♪

♪ LOBSTER ♪ ♪ ROCK ♪ [♪...]

♪ LET'S ROCK ♪

♪ BOYS IN BIKINIS ♪ ♪ GIRLS IN SURFBOARDS ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY'S ROCKIN' ♪

♪ GIRLS IN SURFBOARDS ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY'S ROCKIN' ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY'S FRUGGIN' ♪

♪ EVERYBODY'S ROCKIN' ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY'S FRUGGIN' ♪ ♪ HERE COMES A STINGRAY ♪

♪ EVERYBODY'S FRUGGIN' ♪ ♪ HERE COMES A STINGRAY ♪ ♪ THERE GOES A MANTA-RAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES A STINGRAY ♪ ♪ THERE GOES A MANTA-RAY ♪ ♪ IN WALKED A JELLY FISH ♪

♪ THERE GOES A MANTA-RAY ♪ ♪ IN WALKED A JELLY FISH ♪ ♪ FOLLOWED BY A TURBO ♪

♪ IN WALKED A JELLY FISH ♪ ♪ FOLLOWED BY A TURBO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES A BIKINI WHALE ♪

♪ FOLLOWED BY A TURBO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES A BIKINI WHALE ♪ [♪...]

♪ HERE COMES A BIKINI WHALE ♪ [♪...] ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

[♪...] ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪

♪ AHH... ♪ ♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... ♪

♪ ROCK LOBSTER ♪ ♪ AHH... ♪ ♪ AHH. ♪

♪ AHH... ♪ ♪ AHH. ♪ [MUSIC ENDS,

♪ AHH. ♪ [MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. HERE ARE OUR ANCHORPERSONS,

THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. HERE ARE OUR ANCHORPERSONS, BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.

HERE ARE OUR ANCHORPERSONS, BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN. GOOD EVENING,

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN. GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE CURTAIN.

GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE CURTAIN. HERE NOW, THE NEWS.

I'M JANE CURTAIN. HERE NOW, THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

HERE NOW, THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... BESIDES THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES,

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... BESIDES THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES, THE AMERICANS WHO STAND TO LOSE

BESIDES THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES, THE AMERICANS WHO STAND TO LOSE BECAUSE OF AN OLYMPIC BOYCOTT

THE AMERICANS WHO STAND TO LOSE BECAUSE OF AN OLYMPIC BOYCOTT ARE THE FOLKS RIGHT HERE AT NBC.

BECAUSE OF AN OLYMPIC BOYCOTT ARE THE FOLKS RIGHT HERE AT NBC. NBC HAD BEEN COUNTING ON THE

ARE THE FOLKS RIGHT HERE AT NBC. NBC HAD BEEN COUNTING ON THE OLYMPICS TO BOLSTER ITS SAGGING

NBC HAD BEEN COUNTING ON THE OLYMPICS TO BOLSTER ITS SAGGING RATINGS, GET THE NETWORK OUT OF

OLYMPICS TO BOLSTER ITS SAGGING RATINGS, GET THE NETWORK OUT OF THIRD PLACE AND REAP INCREDIBLY

RATINGS, GET THE NETWORK OUT OF THIRD PLACE AND REAP INCREDIBLY LARGE, UNCALLED-FOR PROFITS.

THIRD PLACE AND REAP INCREDIBLY LARGE, UNCALLED-FOR PROFITS. WELL, TODAY, NBC PRESIDENT

LARGE, UNCALLED-FOR PROFITS. WELL, TODAY, NBC PRESIDENT FRED SILVERMAN ANNOUNCED

WELL, TODAY, NBC PRESIDENT FRED SILVERMAN ANNOUNCED THAT ALL IS WELL.

FRED SILVERMAN ANNOUNCED THAT ALL IS WELL. NBC HAS BOUGHT EXCLUSIVE

THAT ALL IS WELL. NBC HAS BOUGHT EXCLUSIVE TV RIGHTS TO THE UPCOMING

NBC HAS BOUGHT EXCLUSIVE TV RIGHTS TO THE UPCOMING WORLD WAR AND SPONSORS ARE

TV RIGHTS TO THE UPCOMING WORLD WAR AND SPONSORS ARE LINED UP AROUND THE BLOCK.

WORLD WAR AND SPONSORS ARE LINED UP AROUND THE BLOCK. [APPLAUSE]

LINED UP AROUND THE BLOCK. [APPLAUSE] SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

[APPLAUSE] SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS DIED

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS DIED THIS WEEK AT THE AGE OF 81.

WILLIAM O. DOUGLAS DIED THIS WEEK AT THE AGE OF 81. THE CHAMPION OF INDIVIDUAL

THIS WEEK AT THE AGE OF 81. THE CHAMPION OF INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS, DOUGLAS WAS

THE CHAMPION OF INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS, DOUGLAS WAS THE LONGEST-SERVING JUSTICE

RIGHTS, DOUGLAS WAS THE LONGEST-SERVING JUSTICE IN THE HISTORY OF THE COURT.

THE LONGEST-SERVING JUSTICE IN THE HISTORY OF THE COURT. AS PER HIS REQUEST, JUSTICE

IN THE HISTORY OF THE COURT. AS PER HIS REQUEST, JUSTICE DOUGLAS WAS BURIED IN ARLINGTON

AS PER HIS REQUEST, JUSTICE DOUGLAS WAS BURIED IN ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY NEXT TO HIS

DOUGLAS WAS BURIED IN ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY NEXT TO HIS JUDICIAL HERO, THE GREAT

NATIONAL CEMETERY NEXT TO HIS JUDICIAL HERO, THE GREAT DISSENTER OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.

JUDICIAL HERO, THE GREAT DISSENTER OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES. CONSEQUENTLY, THE BODY OF MRS.

DISSENTER OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES. CONSEQUENTLY, THE BODY OF MRS. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES HAD TO BE

CONSEQUENTLY, THE BODY OF MRS. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES HAD TO BE EXHUMED AND WAS DUMPED IN A

OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES HAD TO BE EXHUMED AND WAS DUMPED IN A PLAYGROUND IN NEARBY BALTIMORE.

EXHUMED AND WAS DUMPED IN A PLAYGROUND IN NEARBY BALTIMORE. SCIENTISTS AT THE ATLANTA

PLAYGROUND IN NEARBY BALTIMORE. SCIENTISTS AT THE ATLANTA DISEASE CONTROL CENTER HAVE

SCIENTISTS AT THE ATLANTA DISEASE CONTROL CENTER HAVE ANNOUNCED A VACCINE THAT MAY

DISEASE CONTROL CENTER HAVE ANNOUNCED A VACCINE THAT MAY PREVENT MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY.

ANNOUNCED A VACCINE THAT MAY PREVENT MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. SHOWN GIVING THE FIRST

PREVENT MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. SHOWN GIVING THE FIRST IMMUNIZATION, WHICH IS

SHOWN GIVING THE FIRST IMMUNIZATION, WHICH IS GIVEN NASALLY, IS DYSTROPHY

IMMUNIZATION, WHICH IS GIVEN NASALLY, IS DYSTROPHY ASSOCIATION CHAIRMAN JERRY LEWIS

GIVEN NASALLY, IS DYSTROPHY ASSOCIATION CHAIRMAN JERRY LEWIS WHOSE TELETHONS HELP FINANCE

ASSOCIATION CHAIRMAN JERRY LEWIS WHOSE TELETHONS HELP FINANCE THE RESEARCH. BILL?

WHOSE TELETHONS HELP FINANCE THE RESEARCH. BILL? A FRENCH CARGO TANKER

THE RESEARCH. BILL? A FRENCH CARGO TANKER CARRYING 3,000 GALLONS OF

A FRENCH CARGO TANKER CARRYING 3,000 GALLONS OF MINERAL WATER BROKE UP

CARRYING 3,000 GALLONS OF MINERAL WATER BROKE UP YESTERDAY IN HEAVY STORMS OFF

MINERAL WATER BROKE UP YESTERDAY IN HEAVY STORMS OFF THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS,

YESTERDAY IN HEAVY STORMS OFF THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS, CAUSING THE WORLD'S FIRST

THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS, CAUSING THE WORLD'S FIRST MAJOR PERRIER SPILL.

CAUSING THE WORLD'S FIRST MAJOR PERRIER SPILL. ALREADY, THOUSANDS OF FISH HAVE

MAJOR PERRIER SPILL. ALREADY, THOUSANDS OF FISH HAVE BEEN BELCHED UP ONTO THE BEACH

ALREADY, THOUSANDS OF FISH HAVE BEEN BELCHED UP ONTO THE BEACH AND THE COASTGUARD FLEET WORKED

BEEN BELCHED UP ONTO THE BEACH AND THE COASTGUARD FLEET WORKED LATE INTO THE NIGHT SQUEEZING

AND THE COASTGUARD FLEET WORKED LATE INTO THE NIGHT SQUEEZING TONS OF LIMES ONTO THE AREA.

LATE INTO THE NIGHT SQUEEZING TONS OF LIMES ONTO THE AREA. VERNON JORDAN, HEAD OF

TONS OF LIMES ONTO THE AREA. VERNON JORDAN, HEAD OF THE NATIONAL URBAN LEAGUE,

VERNON JORDAN, HEAD OF THE NATIONAL URBAN LEAGUE, THIS WEEK DENOUNCED BOTH

THE NATIONAL URBAN LEAGUE, THIS WEEK DENOUNCED BOTH THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN

THIS WEEK DENOUNCED BOTH THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK TO PROBLEMS OF

FOR TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK TO PROBLEMS OF AMERICA'S MINORITIES.

TO PROBLEMS OF AMERICA'S MINORITIES. JORDAN COMPLAINED THAT

AMERICA'S MINORITIES. JORDAN COMPLAINED THAT CANDIDATES FAILED TO RESPOND

JORDAN COMPLAINED THAT CANDIDATES FAILED TO RESPOND TO NEEDS OF URBAN BLACKS

CANDIDATES FAILED TO RESPOND TO NEEDS OF URBAN BLACKS AND VIRTUALLY IGNORE

TO NEEDS OF URBAN BLACKS AND VIRTUALLY IGNORE MINORITY ORGANIZATIONS.

AND VIRTUALLY IGNORE MINORITY ORGANIZATIONS. NONE OF THE CANDIDATES

MINORITY ORGANIZATIONS. NONE OF THE CANDIDATES HAD ANY COMMENT AND CLAIMED

NONE OF THE CANDIDATES HAD ANY COMMENT AND CLAIMED TO NEVER HAVE HEARD OF

HAD ANY COMMENT AND CLAIMED TO NEVER HAVE HEARD OF JORDAN OR OF THE BLACKS.

TO NEVER HAVE HEARD OF JORDAN OR OF THE BLACKS. DOCTORS ARRIVED QUICKLY TO

JORDAN OR OF THE BLACKS. DOCTORS ARRIVED QUICKLY TO THE BEDSIDE OF THE HOSPITALIZED

DOCTORS ARRIVED QUICKLY TO THE BEDSIDE OF THE HOSPITALIZED AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI LAST NIGHT

THE BEDSIDE OF THE HOSPITALIZED AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI LAST NIGHT AFTER HE COMPLAINED OF

AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI LAST NIGHT AFTER HE COMPLAINED OF SEVERE CHEST PAINS.

AFTER HE COMPLAINED OF SEVERE CHEST PAINS. UPON ARRIVAL AT HIS BEDSIDE,

SEVERE CHEST PAINS. UPON ARRIVAL AT HIS BEDSIDE, THEY FOUND A 450-POUND

UPON ARRIVAL AT HIS BEDSIDE, THEY FOUND A 450-POUND WOMAN SITTING ON THE

THEY FOUND A 450-POUND WOMAN SITTING ON THE AYATOLLAH'S CHEST.

WOMAN SITTING ON THE AYATOLLAH'S CHEST. SHE WAS ASKED

AYATOLLAH'S CHEST. SHE WAS ASKED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

SHE WAS ASKED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE OF THE CONTROVERSY

TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE OF THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING THE LOCATION OF

BECAUSE OF THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING THE LOCATION OF THIS SUMMER'S OLYMPICS,

SURROUNDING THE LOCATION OF THIS SUMMER'S OLYMPICS, PRESIDENT CARTER WILL PUSH

THIS SUMMER'S OLYMPICS, PRESIDENT CARTER WILL PUSH FOR THE GAMES TO BE HELD AT

PRESIDENT CARTER WILL PUSH FOR THE GAMES TO BE HELD AT THE HOME OF MR. MICHAEL CONKLIN

FOR THE GAMES TO BE HELD AT THE HOME OF MR. MICHAEL CONKLIN OF MADISON, WISCONSIN.

THE HOME OF MR. MICHAEL CONKLIN OF MADISON, WISCONSIN. "WELL, I GUESS I CAN SET UP

OF MADISON, WISCONSIN. "WELL, I GUESS I CAN SET UP SOME BRIDGE TABLES AND CHAIRS

"WELL, I GUESS I CAN SET UP SOME BRIDGE TABLES AND CHAIRS IN THE BACKYARD," SAID CONKLIN,

SOME BRIDGE TABLES AND CHAIRS IN THE BACKYARD," SAID CONKLIN, "AND I'LL HAVE TO TAKE

IN THE BACKYARD," SAID CONKLIN, "AND I'LL HAVE TO TAKE THE LEAVES OUT OF THE POOL."

"AND I'LL HAVE TO TAKE THE LEAVES OUT OF THE POOL." SOUNDS NUTS, DOESN'T HE?

THE LEAVES OUT OF THE POOL." SOUNDS NUTS, DOESN'T HE? SPORTS MADE THE FRONT PAGE THIS

SOUNDS NUTS, DOESN'T HE? SPORTS MADE THE FRONT PAGE THIS WEEK AS BOTH THE SUPERBOWL AND

SPORTS MADE THE FRONT PAGE THIS WEEK AS BOTH THE SUPERBOWL AND OLYMPICS HIT THE HEADLINES.

WEEK AS BOTH THE SUPERBOWL AND OLYMPICS HIT THE HEADLINES. WELL, FOR THE LATEST, HERE'S

OLYMPICS HIT THE HEADLINES. WELL, FOR THE LATEST, HERE'S THE MAN WHO SPEAKS FOR THE FAN,

WELL, FOR THE LATEST, HERE'S THE MAN WHO SPEAKS FOR THE FAN, BIG VIC RICKER. VICSTER?

THE MAN WHO SPEAKS FOR THE FAN, BIG VIC RICKER. VICSTER? THANK YOU, BILL,

BIG VIC RICKER. VICSTER? THANK YOU, BILL, AND HELLO AGAIN, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, BILL, AND HELLO AGAIN, EVERYBODY. HELLO, AGAIN, ESPECIALLY

AND HELLO AGAIN, EVERYBODY. HELLO, AGAIN, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU CHECKING IN WITH

HELLO, AGAIN, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU CHECKING IN WITH THE VICKER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THOSE OF YOU CHECKING IN WITH THE VICKER FOR THE FIRST TIME. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING...

THE VICKER FOR THE FIRST TIME. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING... PITTSBURGH AND FORT MYERS,

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING... PITTSBURGH AND FORT MYERS, FLORIDA, WERE MIGHTY NICE

PITTSBURGH AND FORT MYERS, FLORIDA, WERE MIGHTY NICE TO YOURS TRULY, BUT THE APPLE

FLORIDA, WERE MIGHTY NICE TO YOURS TRULY, BUT THE APPLE IS THE BIG LEAGUES, AND THE NAME

TO YOURS TRULY, BUT THE APPLE IS THE BIG LEAGUES, AND THE NAME OF THE GAME IS WHERE IT'S AT.

IS THE BIG LEAGUES, AND THE NAME OF THE GAME IS WHERE IT'S AT. OK, DOWN TO BUSINESS,

OF THE GAME IS WHERE IT'S AT. OK, DOWN TO BUSINESS, AND FIRST OF ALL, LAST NOTE

OK, DOWN TO BUSINESS, AND FIRST OF ALL, LAST NOTE ON THE SUPERBOWL GAME, JUST

AND FIRST OF ALL, LAST NOTE ON THE SUPERBOWL GAME, JUST SO WE KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE

ON THE SUPERBOWL GAME, JUST SO WE KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE OUR COUNTRY IS UP AGAINST.

SO WE KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE OUR COUNTRY IS UP AGAINST. MAYBE YOU HEARD THE IRANIAN

OUR COUNTRY IS UP AGAINST. MAYBE YOU HEARD THE IRANIAN MILITANTS HAD ALLOWED THEIR

MAYBE YOU HEARD THE IRANIAN MILITANTS HAD ALLOWED THEIR AMERICAN CAPTORS TO LISTEN

MILITANTS HAD ALLOWED THEIR AMERICAN CAPTORS TO LISTEN TO A TAPE RECORDING OF THAT

AMERICAN CAPTORS TO LISTEN TO A TAPE RECORDING OF THAT SUPER SUPERBOWL BOWL GAME.

TO A TAPE RECORDING OF THAT SUPER SUPERBOWL BOWL GAME. BUT HERE'S THE REST

SUPER SUPERBOWL BOWL GAME. BUT HERE'S THE REST OF THE STORY.

BUT HERE'S THE REST OF THE STORY. "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED

OF THE STORY. "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED EXCLUSIVELY THAT BEFORE STARTING

"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED EXCLUSIVELY THAT BEFORE STARTING TO PLAY THAT TAPE, THE MILITANTS

EXCLUSIVELY THAT BEFORE STARTING TO PLAY THAT TAPE, THE MILITANTS DID THE ONE THING YOU NEVER DO

TO PLAY THAT TAPE, THE MILITANTS DID THE ONE THING YOU NEVER DO IN A TAPE DELAY SITUATION: TOLD

DID THE ONE THING YOU NEVER DO IN A TAPE DELAY SITUATION: TOLD 'EM THE FINAL SCORE OF THE GAME.

IN A TAPE DELAY SITUATION: TOLD 'EM THE FINAL SCORE OF THE GAME. AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO NEGOTIATE

'EM THE FINAL SCORE OF THE GAME. AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO NEGOTIATE WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO NEGOTIATE WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT. OK, NOW, IS THERE OR IS

WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT. OK, NOW, IS THERE OR IS THERE NOT GONNA BE AN OLYMPICS

OK, NOW, IS THERE OR IS THERE NOT GONNA BE AN OLYMPICS GAMES THIS YEAR?

THERE NOT GONNA BE AN OLYMPICS GAMES THIS YEAR? NOW, I KNOW ALL ABOUT LAKE

GAMES THIS YEAR? NOW, I KNOW ALL ABOUT LAKE PLACID... THANK YOU, PLEASE!

NOW, I KNOW ALL ABOUT LAKE PLACID... THANK YOU, PLEASE! BUT EXCUSE ME FOR

PLACID... THANK YOU, PLEASE! BUT EXCUSE ME FOR TALKING PLAIN ENGLISH.

BUT EXCUSE ME FOR TALKING PLAIN ENGLISH. THE OLYMPICS TO ME IS FRANK

TALKING PLAIN ENGLISH. THE OLYMPICS TO ME IS FRANK SHORTER RUNNING THE MARATHON OR

THE OLYMPICS TO ME IS FRANK SHORTER RUNNING THE MARATHON OR NADIA COMANECI DOING HER

SHORTER RUNNING THE MARATHON OR NADIA COMANECI DOING HER BO DEREK THING AND GETTIN' A LOT

NADIA COMANECI DOING HER BO DEREK THING AND GETTIN' A LOT OF 10s ALL OVER THE PLACE.

BO DEREK THING AND GETTIN' A LOT OF 10s ALL OVER THE PLACE. IT'S NOT TAI BABILONIA

OF 10s ALL OVER THE PLACE. IT'S NOT TAI BABILONIA AND LINDA FRATIANNE WARMING

IT'S NOT TAI BABILONIA AND LINDA FRATIANNE WARMING UP FOR HOLIDAY ON ICE.

AND LINDA FRATIANNE WARMING UP FOR HOLIDAY ON ICE. SO, SUMMER OLYMPICS...

UP FOR HOLIDAY ON ICE. SO, SUMMER OLYMPICS... SUPPOSED TO BE IN MOSCOW

SO, SUMMER OLYMPICS... SUPPOSED TO BE IN MOSCOW THIS YEAR, BUT OUR HEAD HONCHO

SUPPOSED TO BE IN MOSCOW THIS YEAR, BUT OUR HEAD HONCHO SAYS THE RUSSIAN BEARS GOTTA BE

THIS YEAR, BUT OUR HEAD HONCHO SAYS THE RUSSIAN BEARS GOTTA BE SLAPPED ON THE PAW.

SAYS THE RUSSIAN BEARS GOTTA BE SLAPPED ON THE PAW. PRESIDENT WANTS TO CANCEL THE

SLAPPED ON THE PAW. PRESIDENT WANTS TO CANCEL THE OLYMPICS AND THAT'S WHEN THE

PRESIDENT WANTS TO CANCEL THE OLYMPICS AND THAT'S WHEN THE SCREAMS GO UP FROM THE ATHLETES

OLYMPICS AND THAT'S WHEN THE SCREAMS GO UP FROM THE ATHLETES AND THE OLYMPICS COMMITTEE.

SCREAMS GO UP FROM THE ATHLETES AND THE OLYMPICS COMMITTEE. LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE.

AND THE OLYMPICS COMMITTEE. LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE. WE DON'T HAVE VIDEOTAPE, OK.

LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE. WE DON'T HAVE VIDEOTAPE, OK. LET ME USE SOME BLUE COLLAR

WE DON'T HAVE VIDEOTAPE, OK. LET ME USE SOME BLUE COLLAR WORDS FOR JUST A MINUTE HERE.

LET ME USE SOME BLUE COLLAR WORDS FOR JUST A MINUTE HERE. TRYING TO KEEP POLITICS OUT

WORDS FOR JUST A MINUTE HERE. TRYING TO KEEP POLITICS OUT OF THE OLYMPICS IS LIKE

TRYING TO KEEP POLITICS OUT OF THE OLYMPICS IS LIKE TRYING TO KEEP A THREE-YEAR-OLD

OF THE OLYMPICS IS LIKE TRYING TO KEEP A THREE-YEAR-OLD FROM EATING DIRT.

TRYING TO KEEP A THREE-YEAR-OLD FROM EATING DIRT. GOOD LUCK AND HELLO, DOCTOR!

FROM EATING DIRT. GOOD LUCK AND HELLO, DOCTOR! WELL, OUR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN

GOOD LUCK AND HELLO, DOCTOR! WELL, OUR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN TO NOTHING MORE THAN GOOD

WELL, OUR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN TO NOTHING MORE THAN GOOD OLD AMERICAN MOOLAH.

TO NOTHING MORE THAN GOOD OLD AMERICAN MOOLAH. YEAH, I KNOW OLYMPIC ATHLETES

OLD AMERICAN MOOLAH. YEAH, I KNOW OLYMPIC ATHLETES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AMATEURS,

YEAH, I KNOW OLYMPIC ATHLETES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AMATEURS, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT TODAY'S

ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AMATEURS, BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT TODAY'S GOLD MEDAL IS TOMORROW'S

BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT TODAY'S GOLD MEDAL IS TOMORROW'S WHEATIES COMMERCIAL.

GOLD MEDAL IS TOMORROW'S WHEATIES COMMERCIAL. THESE PEOPLE ARE IN BUSINESS

WHEATIES COMMERCIAL. THESE PEOPLE ARE IN BUSINESS AND THEY'RE BEEFING BECAUSE IF

THESE PEOPLE ARE IN BUSINESS AND THEY'RE BEEFING BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T WIN GOLD IN MOSCOW,

AND THEY'RE BEEFING BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T WIN GOLD IN MOSCOW, THEY'RE NOT GONNA BE PITCHING

THEY DON'T WIN GOLD IN MOSCOW, THEY'RE NOT GONNA BE PITCHING RUNNING SHOES ON THE TUBE

THEY'RE NOT GONNA BE PITCHING RUNNING SHOES ON THE TUBE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.

RUNNING SHOES ON THE TUBE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS. HEY, I'M NOT KNOCKING IT.

FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS. HEY, I'M NOT KNOCKING IT. YOU KNOW, THE VICKER WOULD WEAR

HEY, I'M NOT KNOCKING IT. YOU KNOW, THE VICKER WOULD WEAR A PILE OF ADIDAS ON MY HEAD

YOU KNOW, THE VICKER WOULD WEAR A PILE OF ADIDAS ON MY HEAD IF THE MONEY WERE RIGHT.

A PILE OF ADIDAS ON MY HEAD IF THE MONEY WERE RIGHT. SO... WHAT HAPPENED,

IF THE MONEY WERE RIGHT. SO... WHAT HAPPENED, THOUGH, WHEN THE PRESIDENT

SO... WHAT HAPPENED, THOUGH, WHEN THE PRESIDENT PUT THE WHAMMY ON THE WHEAT

THOUGH, WHEN THE PRESIDENT PUT THE WHAMMY ON THE WHEAT DEAL WITH THE RUSSIANS?

PUT THE WHAMMY ON THE WHEAT DEAL WITH THE RUSSIANS? WELL, THE FARMERS SQUAWKED

DEAL WITH THE RUSSIANS? WELL, THE FARMERS SQUAWKED BECAUSE THEY WERE GONNA LOSE

WELL, THE FARMERS SQUAWKED BECAUSE THEY WERE GONNA LOSE SOME MONEY, AND NOW JOHN Q.

BECAUSE THEY WERE GONNA LOSE SOME MONEY, AND NOW JOHN Q. YOU-KNOW-WHO IS BUYING

SOME MONEY, AND NOW JOHN Q. YOU-KNOW-WHO IS BUYING A LOT OF WHEAT.

YOU-KNOW-WHO IS BUYING A LOT OF WHEAT. OK, LET'S USE THE OLYMPICS

A LOT OF WHEAT. OK, LET'S USE THE OLYMPICS AS A WEAPON, BUT LET'S PROTECT

OK, LET'S USE THE OLYMPICS AS A WEAPON, BUT LET'S PROTECT OUR ATHLETES AT LEAST AS WELL

AS A WEAPON, BUT LET'S PROTECT OUR ATHLETES AT LEAST AS WELL AS WE PROTECT OUR FARMERS.

OUR ATHLETES AT LEAST AS WELL AS WE PROTECT OUR FARMERS. HEY... BIG VIC, ARE YOU SAYING

AS WE PROTECT OUR FARMERS. HEY... BIG VIC, ARE YOU SAYING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD

HEY... BIG VIC, ARE YOU SAYING THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD SIGN LUCRATIVE TV COMMERCIAL

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SHOULD SIGN LUCRATIVE TV COMMERCIAL DEALS AND ENDORSEMENT CONTRACTS

SIGN LUCRATIVE TV COMMERCIAL DEALS AND ENDORSEMENT CONTRACTS WITH THE OLYMPIC ATHLETES

DEALS AND ENDORSEMENT CONTRACTS WITH THE OLYMPIC ATHLETES SO THEY DON'T LOSE MONEY

WITH THE OLYMPIC ATHLETES SO THEY DON'T LOSE MONEY ON THE DEAL?

SO THEY DON'T LOSE MONEY ON THE DEAL? PARTNER, THAT'S EXACTLY

ON THE DEAL? PARTNER, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING.

PARTNER, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING. LET FRANK SHORTER PLUG

WHAT I'M SAYING. LET FRANK SHORTER PLUG STAMPS FOR THE POST OFFICE.

LET FRANK SHORTER PLUG STAMPS FOR THE POST OFFICE. LET SHIRLEY BABASHOFF SWIM

STAMPS FOR THE POST OFFICE. LET SHIRLEY BABASHOFF SWIM AROUND WITH WOODSY THE OWL.

LET SHIRLEY BABASHOFF SWIM AROUND WITH WOODSY THE OWL. BASKETBALL TEAM CAN DO FOOD

AROUND WITH WOODSY THE OWL. BASKETBALL TEAM CAN DO FOOD STAMPS PROMOS, WHATEVER.

BASKETBALL TEAM CAN DO FOOD STAMPS PROMOS, WHATEVER. THE IMPORTANT THING IS, LET'S

STAMPS PROMOS, WHATEVER. THE IMPORTANT THING IS, LET'S END THE HASSLING, LET'S SUPPORT

THE IMPORTANT THING IS, LET'S END THE HASSLING, LET'S SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, AND LET'S GET

END THE HASSLING, LET'S SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT, AND LET'S GET BACK TO THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF

THE PRESIDENT, AND LET'S GET BACK TO THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF BETTING ON THE PRO BOWL GAME.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF BETTING ON THE PRO BOWL GAME. GOOD LUCK, EVERYBODY! BILL?

BETTING ON THE PRO BOWL GAME. GOOD LUCK, EVERYBODY! BILL? THANK YOU, BIG VICKER.

GOOD LUCK, EVERYBODY! BILL? THANK YOU, BIG VICKER. THANK YOU, VIC.

THANK YOU, BIG VICKER. THANK YOU, VIC. BACK TO YOU, JANE.

THANK YOU, VIC. BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE]

BACK TO YOU, JANE. [APPLAUSE] IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION

[APPLAUSE] IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION MESSAGE, PRESIDENT CARTER ASKED

IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION MESSAGE, PRESIDENT CARTER ASKED CONGRESS TO RESUME SELECTIVE

MESSAGE, PRESIDENT CARTER ASKED CONGRESS TO RESUME SELECTIVE SERVICE REGISTRATION.

CONGRESS TO RESUME SELECTIVE SERVICE REGISTRATION. THE MOVE WOULD AFFECT

SERVICE REGISTRATION. THE MOVE WOULD AFFECT MEN AGED 15 TO 26 AND

THE MOVE WOULD AFFECT MEN AGED 15 TO 26 AND PERHAPS WOMEN AS WELL.

MEN AGED 15 TO 26 AND PERHAPS WOMEN AS WELL. WITH THE REACTION ON CAMPUS,

PERHAPS WOMEN AS WELL. WITH THE REACTION ON CAMPUS, HERE IS "WEEKEND UPDATE'S"

WITH THE REACTION ON CAMPUS, HERE IS "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" LARAINE NEWMAN AT OSWEGO COLLEGE

HERE IS "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" LARAINE NEWMAN AT OSWEGO COLLEGE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. LARAINE?

LARAINE NEWMAN AT OSWEGO COLLEGE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. LARAINE? WELL, JANE, THE MOOD

IN UPSTATE NEW YORK. LARAINE? WELL, JANE, THE MOOD ON CAMPUS HAS CHANGED IN

WELL, JANE, THE MOOD ON CAMPUS HAS CHANGED IN THE EIGHT YEARS SINCE

ON CAMPUS HAS CHANGED IN THE EIGHT YEARS SINCE THE DRAFT WAS SUSPENDED.

THE EIGHT YEARS SINCE THE DRAFT WAS SUSPENDED. GONE ARE THE YIPPIES,

THE DRAFT WAS SUSPENDED. GONE ARE THE YIPPIES, THE RIOT POLICE, THE SIT-INS,

GONE ARE THE YIPPIES, THE RIOT POLICE, THE SIT-INS, THE TEAR GAS AND THE TEARS.

THE RIOT POLICE, THE SIT-INS, THE TEAR GAS AND THE TEARS. TODAY'S CAMPUSES ARE ISLANDS

THE TEAR GAS AND THE TEARS. TODAY'S CAMPUSES ARE ISLANDS OF ACADEMIC STUDY WHERE

TODAY'S CAMPUSES ARE ISLANDS OF ACADEMIC STUDY WHERE SERIOUS-MINDED STUDENTS

OF ACADEMIC STUDY WHERE SERIOUS-MINDED STUDENTS PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR LIFE

SERIOUS-MINDED STUDENTS PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR LIFE IN THE REAL WORLD.

PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR LIFE IN THE REAL WORLD. WITH ME IS SCOTT GUNDERSEN,

IN THE REAL WORLD. WITH ME IS SCOTT GUNDERSEN, A SENIOR.

WITH ME IS SCOTT GUNDERSEN, A SENIOR. SCOTT, WHAT DO YOU THINK

A SENIOR. SCOTT, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE POSSIBILITY OF

SCOTT, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE POSSIBILITY OF THE DRAFT BEING REINSTATED?

OF THE POSSIBILITY OF THE DRAFT BEING REINSTATED? UH, WELL, LIKE, I THINK

THE DRAFT BEING REINSTATED? UH, WELL, LIKE, I THINK IT'S A GOOD THING 'CAUSE,

UH, WELL, LIKE, I THINK IT'S A GOOD THING 'CAUSE, 'CAUSE, LIKE, THE REGULAR, LIKE,

IT'S A GOOD THING 'CAUSE, 'CAUSE, LIKE, THE REGULAR, LIKE, VOLUNTEER ARMY, LIKE, PROBABLY,

'CAUSE, LIKE, THE REGULAR, LIKE, VOLUNTEER ARMY, LIKE, PROBABLY, LIKE, I THINK WASN'T A SUCCESS

VOLUNTEER ARMY, LIKE, PROBABLY, LIKE, I THINK WASN'T A SUCCESS 'CAUSE, UH, LIKE, THE SOLDIERS

LIKE, I THINK WASN'T A SUCCESS 'CAUSE, UH, LIKE, THE SOLDIERS WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH.

'CAUSE, UH, LIKE, THE SOLDIERS WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH. [LAUGHTER]

WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH. [LAUGHTER] I SEE.

[LAUGHTER] I SEE. GUNG-HO FOR THE DRAFT, JANE.

I SEE. GUNG-HO FOR THE DRAFT, JANE. THAT'S THE WORD ON CAMPUS.

GUNG-HO FOR THE DRAFT, JANE. THAT'S THE WORD ON CAMPUS. BACK TO YOU.

THAT'S THE WORD ON CAMPUS. BACK TO YOU. THE NEW YORK METS WERE

BACK TO YOU. THE NEW YORK METS WERE SOLD FOR A RECORD $21 MILLION

THE NEW YORK METS WERE SOLD FOR A RECORD $21 MILLION TO PUBLISHING EXECUTIVE

SOLD FOR A RECORD $21 MILLION TO PUBLISHING EXECUTIVE NELSON DOUBLEDAY.

TO PUBLISHING EXECUTIVE NELSON DOUBLEDAY. DOUBLEDAY, WHOSE GREAT

NELSON DOUBLEDAY. DOUBLEDAY, WHOSE GREAT UNCLE ABNER DOUBLEDAY INVENTED

DOUBLEDAY, WHOSE GREAT UNCLE ABNER DOUBLEDAY INVENTED BASEBALL, SAID HE WANTED

UNCLE ABNER DOUBLEDAY INVENTED BASEBALL, SAID HE WANTED TO FOLLOW THE FAMILY TRADITION

BASEBALL, SAID HE WANTED TO FOLLOW THE FAMILY TRADITION AND STAY CLOSE TO THE GAME.

TO FOLLOW THE FAMILY TRADITION AND STAY CLOSE TO THE GAME. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, PHIL EDISON,

AND STAY CLOSE TO THE GAME. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, PHIL EDISON, GREAT-GRANDSON OF THOMAS EDISON,

NOT TO BE OUTDONE, PHIL EDISON, GREAT-GRANDSON OF THOMAS EDISON, WENT OUT AND PURCHASED

GREAT-GRANDSON OF THOMAS EDISON, WENT OUT AND PURCHASED SEVERAL LIGHT BULBS. BILL?

WENT OUT AND PURCHASED SEVERAL LIGHT BULBS. BILL? VISITING SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS

SEVERAL LIGHT BULBS. BILL? VISITING SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS THIS WEEK, COMEDIAN GABE KAPLAN

VISITING SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS THIS WEEK, COMEDIAN GABE KAPLAN RAN INTO SOME UNEXPECTED

THIS WEEK, COMEDIAN GABE KAPLAN RAN INTO SOME UNEXPECTED TROUBLE WHEN A WITCH'S CURSE

RAN INTO SOME UNEXPECTED TROUBLE WHEN A WITCH'S CURSE TURNED HIM INTO A FIREPLUG.

TROUBLE WHEN A WITCH'S CURSE TURNED HIM INTO A FIREPLUG. THE WELCOME BACK, KOTTER STAR

TURNED HIM INTO A FIREPLUG. THE WELCOME BACK, KOTTER STAR SAID HE THINKS THE CONDITION

THE WELCOME BACK, KOTTER STAR SAID HE THINKS THE CONDITION WILL EVENTUALLY WEAR OFF,

SAID HE THINKS THE CONDITION WILL EVENTUALLY WEAR OFF, BUT PREDICTABLY ADDED,

WILL EVENTUALLY WEAR OFF, BUT PREDICTABLY ADDED, "IF IT DOESN'T, I'LL WORK IN

BUT PREDICTABLY ADDED, "IF IT DOESN'T, I'LL WORK IN BENJI MOVIES."

"IF IT DOESN'T, I'LL WORK IN BENJI MOVIES." A STUDY DONE IN MARYLAND FOR

BENJI MOVIES." A STUDY DONE IN MARYLAND FOR THE HUMAN RELATIONS COMMISSION

A STUDY DONE IN MARYLAND FOR THE HUMAN RELATIONS COMMISSION DETERMINED THAT FAT PEOPLE ARE

THE HUMAN RELATIONS COMMISSION DETERMINED THAT FAT PEOPLE ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AS MUCH AS

DETERMINED THAT FAT PEOPLE ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AS MUCH AS BLACKS AND OTHER MINORITIES.

DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AS MUCH AS BLACKS AND OTHER MINORITIES. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT THERE ARE

BLACKS AND OTHER MINORITIES. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT THERE ARE AS MANY AS 700,000 OVERWEIGHT

IT IS ESTIMATED THAT THERE ARE AS MANY AS 700,000 OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE PEOPLE LIVING

AS MANY AS 700,000 OVERWEIGHT OR OBESE PEOPLE LIVING IN MARYLAND ALONE.

OR OBESE PEOPLE LIVING IN MARYLAND ALONE. AS PART OF A JOINT RESOLUTION,

IN MARYLAND ALONE. AS PART OF A JOINT RESOLUTION, ALL MARYLANDERS WERE ASKED

AS PART OF A JOINT RESOLUTION, ALL MARYLANDERS WERE ASKED TO WORK TOWARDS ENDING

ALL MARYLANDERS WERE ASKED TO WORK TOWARDS ENDING THIS DISCRIMINATION.

TO WORK TOWARDS ENDING THIS DISCRIMINATION. WELL, LET'S LOOK AT THIS THING

THIS DISCRIMINATION. WELL, LET'S LOOK AT THIS THING REALISTICALLY FOR A SECOND.

WELL, LET'S LOOK AT THIS THING REALISTICALLY FOR A SECOND. SAY YOU'RE STANDING AT THE EDGE

REALISTICALLY FOR A SECOND. SAY YOU'RE STANDING AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND THERE'S A BLACK

SAY YOU'RE STANDING AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND THERE'S A BLACK PERSON, A PUERTO RICAN AND A FAT

OF A CLIFF AND THERE'S A BLACK PERSON, A PUERTO RICAN AND A FAT PERSON HANGING OVER THE EDGE.

PERSON, A PUERTO RICAN AND A FAT PERSON HANGING OVER THE EDGE. WELL, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE:

PERSON HANGING OVER THE EDGE. WELL, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE: HUEY, LOUIE OR THE BLIMP?

WELL, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE: HUEY, LOUIE OR THE BLIMP? NOW, I'D SAVE HUEY OR LOUIE

HUEY, LOUIE OR THE BLIMP? NOW, I'D SAVE HUEY OR LOUIE IN A MINUTE BUT, I'M SORRY,

NOW, I'D SAVE HUEY OR LOUIE IN A MINUTE BUT, I'M SORRY, THE WIDE RIDE'S GONNA HAVE

IN A MINUTE BUT, I'M SORRY, THE WIDE RIDE'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE THE BIG PLUNGE.

THE WIDE RIDE'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE THE BIG PLUNGE. I MEAN... [LAUGHTER]

TO TAKE THE BIG PLUNGE. I MEAN... [LAUGHTER] IF YOU TRY TO PULL THAT TUBSTER

I MEAN... [LAUGHTER] IF YOU TRY TO PULL THAT TUBSTER UP, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA

IF YOU TRY TO PULL THAT TUBSTER UP, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA GET HAULED OVER YOURSELF.

UP, YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA GET HAULED OVER YOURSELF. I'M SORRY, THAT'S THE WAY

GET HAULED OVER YOURSELF. I'M SORRY, THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT. JANE?

I'M SORRY, THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT. JANE? [APPLAUSE]

I FEEL ABOUT IT. JANE? [APPLAUSE] IAN SCHRAGER AND

[APPLAUSE] IAN SCHRAGER AND STEVE RUBELL, CO-OWNERS OF

IAN SCHRAGER AND STEVE RUBELL, CO-OWNERS OF THE MANHATTAN DISCO STUDIO 54,

STEVE RUBELL, CO-OWNERS OF THE MANHATTAN DISCO STUDIO 54, WERE SENTENCED THIS WEEK TO

THE MANHATTAN DISCO STUDIO 54, WERE SENTENCED THIS WEEK TO 3-1/2 YEARS EACH FOR FEDERAL

WERE SENTENCED THIS WEEK TO 3-1/2 YEARS EACH FOR FEDERAL INCOME TAX EVASION.

3-1/2 YEARS EACH FOR FEDERAL INCOME TAX EVASION. RESERVATIONS FOR...

INCOME TAX EVASION. RESERVATIONS FOR... [APPLAUSE]

RESERVATIONS FOR... [APPLAUSE] RESERVATIONS FOR VISITOR'S DAY

[APPLAUSE] RESERVATIONS FOR VISITOR'S DAY HAVE BEEN POURING INTO

RESERVATIONS FOR VISITOR'S DAY HAVE BEEN POURING INTO THE PRISON, BUT SCHRAGER AND

HAVE BEEN POURING INTO THE PRISON, BUT SCHRAGER AND RUBELL SAY THAT VISITORS WILL BE

THE PRISON, BUT SCHRAGER AND RUBELL SAY THAT VISITORS WILL BE ADMITTED ON A FIRST-COME,

RUBELL SAY THAT VISITORS WILL BE ADMITTED ON A FIRST-COME, FIRST-SERVED BASIS DEPENDING ON

ADMITTED ON A FIRST-COME, FIRST-SERVED BASIS DEPENDING ON HOW YOU ARE DRESSED.

FIRST-SERVED BASIS DEPENDING ON HOW YOU ARE DRESSED. NOW WITH A FORECAST ON

HOW YOU ARE DRESSED. NOW WITH A FORECAST ON THE ECONOMY DURING THE 1980s,

NOW WITH A FORECAST ON THE ECONOMY DURING THE 1980s, HERE'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" SOCIAL

THE ECONOMY DURING THE 1980s, HERE'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" SOCIAL SCIENCE EDITOR, AL FRANKEN. AL?

HERE'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" SOCIAL SCIENCE EDITOR, AL FRANKEN. AL? THANK YOU.

SCIENCE EDITOR, AL FRANKEN. AL? THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, JANE.

[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, JANE. WELL, THE "ME" DECADE IS FINALLY

THANK YOU, JANE. WELL, THE "ME" DECADE IS FINALLY OVER AND, AS I PREDICTED RIGHT

WELL, THE "ME" DECADE IS FINALLY OVER AND, AS I PREDICTED RIGHT HERE LAST DECEMBER, PEOPLE ARE

OVER AND, AS I PREDICTED RIGHT HERE LAST DECEMBER, PEOPLE ARE FINALLY BEGINNING TO THINK

HERE LAST DECEMBER, PEOPLE ARE FINALLY BEGINNING TO THINK A LITTLE LESS ABOUT THEMSELVES

FINALLY BEGINNING TO THINK A LITTLE LESS ABOUT THEMSELVES AND A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT ME,

A LITTLE LESS ABOUT THEMSELVES AND A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN.

AND A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT ME, AL FRANKEN. AND SO FAR, THE '80s HAS

AL FRANKEN. AND SO FAR, THE '80s HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THE AL FRANKEN

AND SO FAR, THE '80s HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THE AL FRANKEN DECADE BECAUSE THE LAST THING

DEFINITELY BEEN THE AL FRANKEN DECADE BECAUSE THE LAST THING I DID IN THE '70s WAS BUY MYSELF

DECADE BECAUSE THE LAST THING I DID IN THE '70s WAS BUY MYSELF A LITTLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

I DID IN THE '70s WAS BUY MYSELF A LITTLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. I PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO GOLD.

A LITTLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. I PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO GOLD. WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL

I PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO GOLD. WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S HAPPENED TO GOLD.

WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S HAPPENED TO GOLD. I KNOW YOU ALL FOLLOW THE NEWS

YOU WHAT'S HAPPENED TO GOLD. I KNOW YOU ALL FOLLOW THE NEWS AND ARE ALL VERY BRIGHT.

I KNOW YOU ALL FOLLOW THE NEWS AND ARE ALL VERY BRIGHT. BUT THE, UH, BIG QUESTION IS

AND ARE ALL VERY BRIGHT. BUT THE, UH, BIG QUESTION IS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO GOLD?

BUT THE, UH, BIG QUESTION IS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO GOLD? NOW, SOME FORECASTERS SAY THAT

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO GOLD? NOW, SOME FORECASTERS SAY THAT GOLD HAS ARTIFICIALLY PEAKED

NOW, SOME FORECASTERS SAY THAT GOLD HAS ARTIFICIALLY PEAKED BECAUSE OF IRAN AND AFGHANISTAN,

GOLD HAS ARTIFICIALLY PEAKED BECAUSE OF IRAN AND AFGHANISTAN, THAT IT'S READY FOR A BIG FALL.

BECAUSE OF IRAN AND AFGHANISTAN, THAT IT'S READY FOR A BIG FALL. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

THAT IT'S READY FOR A BIG FALL. AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. YOU'RE THINKING IF GOLD

AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. YOU'RE THINKING IF GOLD FALLS, HOW'S THAT GOING

YOU'RE THINKING IF GOLD FALLS, HOW'S THAT GOING TO AFFECT AL FRANKEN?

FALLS, HOW'S THAT GOING TO AFFECT AL FRANKEN? WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE

TO AFFECT AL FRANKEN? WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE TO BUY ANYTHING HE WANTS?

WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE TO BUY ANYTHING HE WANTS? WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE TO ORDER

TO BUY ANYTHING HE WANTS? WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE TO ORDER LOBSTER WHENEVER HE WALKS INTO

WILL AL FRANKEN BE ABLE TO ORDER LOBSTER WHENEVER HE WALKS INTO A FANCY SEAFOOD RESTAURANT?

LOBSTER WHENEVER HE WALKS INTO A FANCY SEAFOOD RESTAURANT? WHAT CAN I DO TO KEEP GOLD

A FANCY SEAFOOD RESTAURANT? WHAT CAN I DO TO KEEP GOLD PRICES HIGH AND PROTECT

WHAT CAN I DO TO KEEP GOLD PRICES HIGH AND PROTECT AL FRANKEN'S INVESTMENT?

PRICES HIGH AND PROTECT AL FRANKEN'S INVESTMENT? WELL, IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.

AL FRANKEN'S INVESTMENT? WELL, IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BUY GOLD

WELL, IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BUY GOLD AND KEEP BUYING GOLD NO MATTER

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BUY GOLD AND KEEP BUYING GOLD NO MATTER HOW HIGH THE PRICE GOES.

AND KEEP BUYING GOLD NO MATTER HOW HIGH THE PRICE GOES. THAT'S RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU

HOW HIGH THE PRICE GOES. THAT'S RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU CREATE A DEMAND FOR HIGH-PRICED

THAT'S RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU CREATE A DEMAND FOR HIGH-PRICED GOLD, IT'S NEVER GONNA GO DOWN

CREATE A DEMAND FOR HIGH-PRICED GOLD, IT'S NEVER GONNA GO DOWN AND, AND I'LL BE JUST FINE.

GOLD, IT'S NEVER GONNA GO DOWN AND, AND I'LL BE JUST FINE. AND NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN,

AND, AND I'LL BE JUST FINE. AND NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN, BUT YOU TOO, BECAUSE WE'LL ALL

AND NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN, BUT YOU TOO, BECAUSE WE'LL ALL HAVE HIGH-PRICED GOLD AND

BUT YOU TOO, BECAUSE WE'LL ALL HAVE HIGH-PRICED GOLD AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE STUCK WITH

HAVE HIGH-PRICED GOLD AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE STUCK WITH SHRINKING AMERICAN DOLLARS.

EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE STUCK WITH SHRINKING AMERICAN DOLLARS. NOW... I KNOW YOU'RE WONDERING,

SHRINKING AMERICAN DOLLARS. NOW... I KNOW YOU'RE WONDERING, "WHAT'S THE BEST FORM FOR ME

NOW... I KNOW YOU'RE WONDERING, "WHAT'S THE BEST FORM FOR ME TO BUY GOLD IN?"

"WHAT'S THE BEST FORM FOR ME TO BUY GOLD IN?" WELL, WITHOUT A DOUBT,

TO BUY GOLD IN?" WELL, WITHOUT A DOUBT, IT'S GOLD COINS AND THAT'S

WELL, WITHOUT A DOUBT, IT'S GOLD COINS AND THAT'S WHY I'M ISSUING THIS SPECIAL

IT'S GOLD COINS AND THAT'S WHY I'M ISSUING THIS SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE COIN...

WHY I'M ISSUING THIS SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE COIN... THE AL FRANKEN DECADE MEDALLION.

COMMEMORATIVE COIN... THE AL FRANKEN DECADE MEDALLION. NOW, IT'S AN OUNCE OF SOLID

THE AL FRANKEN DECADE MEDALLION. NOW, IT'S AN OUNCE OF SOLID 14-KARAT GOLD WITH, WITH MY FACE

NOW, IT'S AN OUNCE OF SOLID 14-KARAT GOLD WITH, WITH MY FACE ON IT AND, UH, WITH THE DATES

14-KARAT GOLD WITH, WITH MY FACE ON IT AND, UH, WITH THE DATES 1980 TO 1990 AND IT SAYS THAT

ON IT AND, UH, WITH THE DATES 1980 TO 1990 AND IT SAYS THAT THIS IS THE AL FRANKEN DECADE.

1980 TO 1990 AND IT SAYS THAT THIS IS THE AL FRANKEN DECADE. AND YOU CAN SEND FOR

THIS IS THE AL FRANKEN DECADE. AND YOU CAN SEND FOR YOUR AL FRANKEN MEDALLION

AND YOU CAN SEND FOR YOUR AL FRANKEN MEDALLION AT THIS ADDRESS: AL FRANKEN,

YOUR AL FRANKEN MEDALLION AT THIS ADDRESS: AL FRANKEN, NEW YORK, NEW YORK.

AT THIS ADDRESS: AL FRANKEN, NEW YORK, NEW YORK. JUST TELL ME HOW MANY OF

NEW YORK, NEW YORK. JUST TELL ME HOW MANY OF THESE MEDALLIONS YOU WANT

JUST TELL ME HOW MANY OF THESE MEDALLIONS YOU WANT AND SEND A CERTIFIED CHECK OR

THESE MEDALLIONS YOU WANT AND SEND A CERTIFIED CHECK OR MONEY ORDER TO ME, AL FRANKEN.

AND SEND A CERTIFIED CHECK OR MONEY ORDER TO ME, AL FRANKEN. NOW, THE PRICE OF EACH MEDALLION

MONEY ORDER TO ME, AL FRANKEN. NOW, THE PRICE OF EACH MEDALLION WILL BE THE PRICE OF AN OUNCE

NOW, THE PRICE OF EACH MEDALLION WILL BE THE PRICE OF AN OUNCE OF GOLD IN ZURICH, LONDON

WILL BE THE PRICE OF AN OUNCE OF GOLD IN ZURICH, LONDON OR NEW YORK... WHICHEVER IS

OF GOLD IN ZURICH, LONDON OR NEW YORK... WHICHEVER IS HIGHEST ON THE DAY OF YOUR,

OR NEW YORK... WHICHEVER IS HIGHEST ON THE DAY OF YOUR, YOUR LETTER'S POSTMARK.

HIGHEST ON THE DAY OF YOUR, YOUR LETTER'S POSTMARK. AND IF YOU SEND IN NOW,

YOUR LETTER'S POSTMARK. AND IF YOU SEND IN NOW, I'LL SEND YOU, ABSOLUTELY FREE,

AND IF YOU SEND IN NOW, I'LL SEND YOU, ABSOLUTELY FREE, THIS SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE

I'LL SEND YOU, ABSOLUTELY FREE, THIS SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE ABRAHAM LINCOLN MEDALLION.

THIS SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE ABRAHAM LINCOLN MEDALLION. [LAUGHTER]

ABRAHAM LINCOLN MEDALLION. [LAUGHTER] NOW, THEY'RE 100% COPPER

[LAUGHTER] NOW, THEY'RE 100% COPPER AND THEY HAVE THE IMAGE

NOW, THEY'RE 100% COPPER AND THEY HAVE THE IMAGE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENT,

AND THEY HAVE THE IMAGE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENT, ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENT, ABRAHAM LINCOLN. HE FREED THE SLAVES.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN. HE FREED THE SLAVES. IT ALSO HAS THE YEAR THAT

HE FREED THE SLAVES. IT ALSO HAS THE YEAR THAT THE MEDALLION WAS MADE ON IT.

IT ALSO HAS THE YEAR THAT THE MEDALLION WAS MADE ON IT. SO DON'T DELAY.

THE MEDALLION WAS MADE ON IT. SO DON'T DELAY. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO HELP

SO DON'T DELAY. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO HELP NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN,

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO HELP NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN, BUT YOURSELF AS WELL.

NOT ONLY ME, AL FRANKEN, BUT YOURSELF AS WELL. THANK YOU.

BUT YOURSELF AS WELL. THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS.

[APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE

THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. [APPLAUSE]

A PLEASANT TOMORROW. [APPLAUSE] SO, THE PRICES OF OLIVE OIL

[APPLAUSE] SO, THE PRICES OF OLIVE OIL OVER THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR WILL

SO, THE PRICES OF OLIVE OIL OVER THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR WILL STAY PRETTY MUCH WITHIN

OVER THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR WILL STAY PRETTY MUCH WITHIN THE PRESIDENT'S WAGE AND PRICE

STAY PRETTY MUCH WITHIN THE PRESIDENT'S WAGE AND PRICE GUIDELINES, OR ABOUT 7%, WHICH

THE PRESIDENT'S WAGE AND PRICE GUIDELINES, OR ABOUT 7%, WHICH IS GOOD NEWS FOR ANCHOVIES.

GUIDELINES, OR ABOUT 7%, WHICH IS GOOD NEWS FOR ANCHOVIES. AH.

IS GOOD NEWS FOR ANCHOVIES. AH. WELL, THANKS, SAL.

AH. WELL, THANKS, SAL. I'M SURE GLAD THERE'S NO, UH,

WELL, THANKS, SAL. I'M SURE GLAD THERE'S NO, UH, OPEC FOR OLIVE OIL, HUH?

I'M SURE GLAD THERE'S NO, UH, OPEC FOR OLIVE OIL, HUH? [LAUGHTER]

OPEC FOR OLIVE OIL, HUH? [LAUGHTER] OH, BOY, GOOD ANCHOVY.

[LAUGHTER] OH, BOY, GOOD ANCHOVY. AS YOU REMEMBER OUR MEETING

OH, BOY, GOOD ANCHOVY. AS YOU REMEMBER OUR MEETING LAST FALL, WE DISCUSSED NEW

AS YOU REMEMBER OUR MEETING LAST FALL, WE DISCUSSED NEW MARKETING OPTIONS, AND CHRISTINA

LAST FALL, WE DISCUSSED NEW MARKETING OPTIONS, AND CHRISTINA PAEYOS HAS A PROGRESS REPORT.

MARKETING OPTIONS, AND CHRISTINA PAEYOS HAS A PROGRESS REPORT. CHRISTINA, WOULD YOU?

PAEYOS HAS A PROGRESS REPORT. CHRISTINA, WOULD YOU? THANKS, DON.

CHRISTINA, WOULD YOU? THANKS, DON. NOW, IF YOU LOOK AT THE ANCHOVY

THANKS, DON. NOW, IF YOU LOOK AT THE ANCHOVY INDUSTRY GROWTH RATE CHART

NOW, IF YOU LOOK AT THE ANCHOVY INDUSTRY GROWTH RATE CHART OVER THE LAST 60 YEARS,

INDUSTRY GROWTH RATE CHART OVER THE LAST 60 YEARS, YOU'LL SEE THAT THOUGH ANCHOVY

OVER THE LAST 60 YEARS, YOU'LL SEE THAT THOUGH ANCHOVY SALES HAVE STEADILY GONE UP,

YOU'LL SEE THAT THOUGH ANCHOVY SALES HAVE STEADILY GONE UP, THERE'S REALLY NO SKYROCKET.

SALES HAVE STEADILY GONE UP, THERE'S REALLY NO SKYROCKET. SO, FOR ANCHOVIES TO KEEP PACE

THERE'S REALLY NO SKYROCKET. SO, FOR ANCHOVIES TO KEEP PACE WITH THE RATE OF INFLATION,

SO, FOR ANCHOVIES TO KEEP PACE WITH THE RATE OF INFLATION, WE'RE GOING TO PRETTY MUCH HAVE

WITH THE RATE OF INFLATION, WE'RE GOING TO PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO RELY ON MEDIA MARKETING.

WE'RE GOING TO PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO RELY ON MEDIA MARKETING. YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY LIKE,

TO RELY ON MEDIA MARKETING. YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY LIKE, SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD,

YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY LIKE, SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, CHRISTINA, BUT I JUST THINK

SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, CHRISTINA, BUT I JUST THINK ANY MONEY SPENT ON ANCHOVY

CHRISTINA, BUT I JUST THINK ANY MONEY SPENT ON ANCHOVY ADVERTISING IS A WASTE OF MONEY.

ANY MONEY SPENT ON ANCHOVY ADVERTISING IS A WASTE OF MONEY. LIKE MY DAD USED TO SAY WHEN

ADVERTISING IS A WASTE OF MONEY. LIKE MY DAD USED TO SAY WHEN HE STARTED GENOVESE ANCHOVY...

LIKE MY DAD USED TO SAY WHEN HE STARTED GENOVESE ANCHOVY... HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY,

HE STARTED GENOVESE ANCHOVY... HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY, "ALL THE ANCHOVY INDUSTRY

HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY, "ALL THE ANCHOVY INDUSTRY EVER NEEDS IS WORD OF MOUTH."

"ALL THE ANCHOVY INDUSTRY EVER NEEDS IS WORD OF MOUTH." USED TO SAY THAT ALL

EVER NEEDS IS WORD OF MOUTH." USED TO SAY THAT ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME.

USED TO SAY THAT ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME. I RESPECT THAT, I RESPECT

THE TIME, ALL THE TIME. I RESPECT THAT, I RESPECT THAT, AND NOBODY KNOWS ANCHOVIES

I RESPECT THAT, I RESPECT THAT, AND NOBODY KNOWS ANCHOVIES MORE THAN YOU, SAL.

THAT, AND NOBODY KNOWS ANCHOVIES MORE THAN YOU, SAL. BUT I THINK IF YOU

MORE THAN YOU, SAL. BUT I THINK IF YOU JUST LISTEN TO WHAT OUR GUESTS

BUT I THINK IF YOU JUST LISTEN TO WHAT OUR GUESTS HAVE TO SAY, OK?

JUST LISTEN TO WHAT OUR GUESTS HAVE TO SAY, OK? NOW, I'M SURE IF ANY OF YOU HAVE

HAVE TO SAY, OK? NOW, I'M SURE IF ANY OF YOU HAVE PICKED UP "FOOD MARKETING AGE"

NOW, I'M SURE IF ANY OF YOU HAVE PICKED UP "FOOD MARKETING AGE" MAGAZINE IN THE LAST YEAR,

PICKED UP "FOOD MARKETING AGE" MAGAZINE IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU'LL RECOGNIZE THE NAMES

MAGAZINE IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU'LL RECOGNIZE THE NAMES JOHN KINCHLOE AND SUE PERRIN.

YOU'LL RECOGNIZE THE NAMES JOHN KINCHLOE AND SUE PERRIN. THEY'RE FROM BENTON, HAGGLE

JOHN KINCHLOE AND SUE PERRIN. THEY'RE FROM BENTON, HAGGLE AND HUGHES AND ARE PERSONALLY

THEY'RE FROM BENTON, HAGGLE AND HUGHES AND ARE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT

AND HUGHES AND ARE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT GROWTH IN POPULARITY OF ROMAINE

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT GROWTH IN POPULARITY OF ROMAINE LETTUCE WITH THEIR NEW "TURN

GROWTH IN POPULARITY OF ROMAINE LETTUCE WITH THEIR NEW "TURN OVER A NEW LEAF" CAMPAIGN.

LETTUCE WITH THEIR NEW "TURN OVER A NEW LEAF" CAMPAIGN. GOSH, I MEAN,

OVER A NEW LEAF" CAMPAIGN. GOSH, I MEAN, YOU GUYS DID THAT?

GOSH, I MEAN, YOU GUYS DID THAT? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU GUYS DID THAT? THAT'S RIGHT. GEEZ, MY KIDS WERE

THAT'S RIGHT. GEEZ, MY KIDS WERE SINGING THAT ALL WEEKEND.

GEEZ, MY KIDS WERE SINGING THAT ALL WEEKEND. IT DROVE ME NUTS!

SINGING THAT ALL WEEKEND. IT DROVE ME NUTS! BUT I'LL BET YOU ATE

IT DROVE ME NUTS! BUT I'LL BET YOU ATE SOME ROMAINE LETTUCE NOW, HUH?

BUT I'LL BET YOU ATE SOME ROMAINE LETTUCE NOW, HUH? MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!

SOME ROMAINE LETTUCE NOW, HUH? MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT! NOW, WE PERFORMED

MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT! NOW, WE PERFORMED A MARKET SURVEY TO FIND OUT

NOW, WE PERFORMED A MARKET SURVEY TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHO IS EATING ANCHOVIES,

A MARKET SURVEY TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHO IS EATING ANCHOVIES, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,

EXACTLY WHO IS EATING ANCHOVIES, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO IS NOT EATING ANCHOVIES.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO IS NOT EATING ANCHOVIES. THAT'S RIGHT, SUE.

WHO IS NOT EATING ANCHOVIES. THAT'S RIGHT, SUE. YOU SEE, THE POTENTIAL FOR

THAT'S RIGHT, SUE. YOU SEE, THE POTENTIAL FOR ANCHOVY GROWTH IS GREATEST,

YOU SEE, THE POTENTIAL FOR ANCHOVY GROWTH IS GREATEST, IRONICALLY ENOUGH, WITH PEOPLE

ANCHOVY GROWTH IS GREATEST, IRONICALLY ENOUGH, WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T EAT ANCHOVIES.

IRONICALLY ENOUGH, WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T EAT ANCHOVIES. BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO

WHO DON'T EAT ANCHOVIES. BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO OUR RESEARCH, WE FOUND THAT

BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO OUR RESEARCH, WE FOUND THAT PEOPLE WHO DO EAT ANCHOVIES

OUR RESEARCH, WE FOUND THAT PEOPLE WHO DO EAT ANCHOVIES VERY QUICKLY REACH WHAT WE LIKE

PEOPLE WHO DO EAT ANCHOVIES VERY QUICKLY REACH WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL A SATURATION POINT.

VERY QUICKLY REACH WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL A SATURATION POINT. YOU CAN ONLY EAT

TO CALL A SATURATION POINT. YOU CAN ONLY EAT SO MANY ANCHOVIES.

YOU CAN ONLY EAT SO MANY ANCHOVIES. EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

SO MANY ANCHOVIES. EXACTLY, EXACTLY. SO WHAT WE DO IS BASICALLY

EXACTLY, EXACTLY. SO WHAT WE DO IS BASICALLY WE DON'T ENCOURAGE PEOPLE

SO WHAT WE DO IS BASICALLY WE DON'T ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO EAT MORE ANCHOVIES.

WE DON'T ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO EAT MORE ANCHOVIES. WE TRY TO ENCOURAGE

TO EAT MORE ANCHOVIES. WE TRY TO ENCOURAGE NEW PEOPLE TO TRY ANCHOVIES.

WE TRY TO ENCOURAGE NEW PEOPLE TO TRY ANCHOVIES. YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT?

NEW PEOPLE TO TRY ANCHOVIES. YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT? OK, SUE, TAKE IT AWAY.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT? OK, SUE, TAKE IT AWAY. NOW, THIS IS OUR, OUR ETHNIC

OK, SUE, TAKE IT AWAY. NOW, THIS IS OUR, OUR ETHNIC ANCHOVY CONSUMPTION CHART.

NOW, THIS IS OUR, OUR ETHNIC ANCHOVY CONSUMPTION CHART. NOW, WE FOUND THAT OF ALL

ANCHOVY CONSUMPTION CHART. NOW, WE FOUND THAT OF ALL THE ETHNIC GROUPS IN THIS

NOW, WE FOUND THAT OF ALL THE ETHNIC GROUPS IN THIS COUNTRY, THE MOST ANCHOVIES ARE

THE ETHNIC GROUPS IN THIS COUNTRY, THE MOST ANCHOVIES ARE CONSUMED BY THE ITALIANS AND

COUNTRY, THE MOST ANCHOVIES ARE CONSUMED BY THE ITALIANS AND THEN, OF COURSE NEXT, THE GREEKS

CONSUMED BY THE ITALIANS AND THEN, OF COURSE NEXT, THE GREEKS AND THE JEWS... OF COURSE.

THEN, OF COURSE NEXT, THE GREEKS AND THE JEWS... OF COURSE. All: OF COURSE.

AND THE JEWS... OF COURSE. All: OF COURSE. NOW, THE GROUP THAT

All: OF COURSE. NOW, THE GROUP THAT CONSUMES THE LEAST NUMBER OF

NOW, THE GROUP THAT CONSUMES THE LEAST NUMBER OF ANCHOVIES ARE THE BLACKS.

CONSUMES THE LEAST NUMBER OF ANCHOVIES ARE THE BLACKS. ONLY 5% OF ALL BLACK

ANCHOVIES ARE THE BLACKS. ONLY 5% OF ALL BLACK PEOPLE EVERYWHERE HAVE

ONLY 5% OF ALL BLACK PEOPLE EVERYWHERE HAVE EVER EVEN TASTED AN ANCHOVY.

PEOPLE EVERYWHERE HAVE EVER EVEN TASTED AN ANCHOVY. 99% OF ALL BLACKS

EVER EVEN TASTED AN ANCHOVY. 99% OF ALL BLACKS HAVE NOT EVEN EVER HEARD

99% OF ALL BLACKS HAVE NOT EVEN EVER HEARD OF ANCHOVY PASTE.

HAVE NOT EVEN EVER HEARD OF ANCHOVY PASTE. YEAH, AND YET, OUR STUDY

OF ANCHOVY PASTE. YEAH, AND YET, OUR STUDY INDICATES BLACK PEOPLE HAVE

YEAH, AND YET, OUR STUDY INDICATES BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE HIGHEST POTENTIAL

INDICATES BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE HIGHEST POTENTIAL FOR ENJOYING ANCHOVIES.

THE HIGHEST POTENTIAL FOR ENJOYING ANCHOVIES. IT'S TRUE,

FOR ENJOYING ANCHOVIES. IT'S TRUE, THEY LOVE SALTY FOODS.

IT'S TRUE, THEY LOVE SALTY FOODS. IN 1977, BLACK PEOPLE

THEY LOVE SALTY FOODS. IN 1977, BLACK PEOPLE SPENT OVER $240 MILLION

IN 1977, BLACK PEOPLE SPENT OVER $240 MILLION ON POTATO CHIPS ALONE.

SPENT OVER $240 MILLION ON POTATO CHIPS ALONE. THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF 10

ON POTATO CHIPS ALONE. THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF 10 TWIN PACKS OF POTATO CHIPS FOR

THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF 10 TWIN PACKS OF POTATO CHIPS FOR EVERY BLACK MAN, WOMAN AND BLACK

TWIN PACKS OF POTATO CHIPS FOR EVERY BLACK MAN, WOMAN AND BLACK CHILD IN THE UNITED STATES.

EVERY BLACK MAN, WOMAN AND BLACK CHILD IN THE UNITED STATES. BUT, UH, THAT DOESN'T

CHILD IN THE UNITED STATES. BUT, UH, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERY BLACK PERSON

BUT, UH, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERY BLACK PERSON ATE THAT MANY POTATO CHIPS.

MEAN THAT EVERY BLACK PERSON ATE THAT MANY POTATO CHIPS. I MEAN, PROBABLY SOME BLACK

ATE THAT MANY POTATO CHIPS. I MEAN, PROBABLY SOME BLACK PEOPLE DIDN'T EAT ANY POTATO

I MEAN, PROBABLY SOME BLACK PEOPLE DIDN'T EAT ANY POTATO CHIPS AND, UH, OTHER BLACK

PEOPLE DIDN'T EAT ANY POTATO CHIPS AND, UH, OTHER BLACK PEOPLE ATE A LOT MORE.

CHIPS AND, UH, OTHER BLACK PEOPLE ATE A LOT MORE. [LAUGHTER]

PEOPLE ATE A LOT MORE. [LAUGHTER] GO AHEAD, MR. KINCHLOE.

[LAUGHTER] GO AHEAD, MR. KINCHLOE. OK, I'M GLAD WE ALL

GO AHEAD, MR. KINCHLOE. OK, I'M GLAD WE ALL UNDERSTAND AVERAGING.

OK, I'M GLAD WE ALL UNDERSTAND AVERAGING. WHAT WE'VE CONCLUDED... IS THAT

UNDERSTAND AVERAGING. WHAT WE'VE CONCLUDED... IS THAT THE MOST COST-EFFECTIVE CAMPAIGN

WHAT WE'VE CONCLUDED... IS THAT THE MOST COST-EFFECTIVE CAMPAIGN FOR THE ANCHOVY INSTITUTE WOULD

THE MOST COST-EFFECTIVE CAMPAIGN FOR THE ANCHOVY INSTITUTE WOULD BE DIRECTED AT BLACK PEOPLE OF

FOR THE ANCHOVY INSTITUTE WOULD BE DIRECTED AT BLACK PEOPLE OF CHILD-BEARING AGE.

BE DIRECTED AT BLACK PEOPLE OF CHILD-BEARING AGE. WOW.

CHILD-BEARING AGE. WOW. HOW DO YOU KNOW

WOW. HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS IS GONNA WORK?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS IS GONNA WORK? HEY, YOU'RE TALKING TO

THIS IS GONNA WORK? HEY, YOU'RE TALKING TO THE PEOPLE WHO GOT THE ENTIRE

HEY, YOU'RE TALKING TO THE PEOPLE WHO GOT THE ENTIRE HISPANIC PEOPLE OF DENVER

THE PEOPLE WHO GOT THE ENTIRE HISPANIC PEOPLE OF DENVER TO EAT 42% MORE OKRA.

HISPANIC PEOPLE OF DENVER TO EAT 42% MORE OKRA. [WHISTLING]

TO EAT 42% MORE OKRA. [WHISTLING] WE DID IT!

[WHISTLING] WE DID IT! OK, NOW THIS IS A PROTOTYPE,

WE DID IT! OK, NOW THIS IS A PROTOTYPE, SCRATCH TRACK KIND OF SCREEN

OK, NOW THIS IS A PROTOTYPE, SCRATCH TRACK KIND OF SCREEN TEST OF THE KIND OF COMMERCIAL

SCRATCH TRACK KIND OF SCREEN TEST OF THE KIND OF COMMERCIAL WE HAVE IN MIND FOR YOU PEOPLE.

TEST OF THE KIND OF COMMERCIAL WE HAVE IN MIND FOR YOU PEOPLE. TAKE A LOOK.

WE HAVE IN MIND FOR YOU PEOPLE. TAKE A LOOK. IT HASN'T STARTED YET.

TAKE A LOOK. IT HASN'T STARTED YET. [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

IT HASN'T STARTED YET. [SOFT MUSIC PLAYS] OH, BABY, THAT FEELS SO GOOD.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS] OH, BABY, THAT FEELS SO GOOD. I LOVES YOU, BABY.

OH, BABY, THAT FEELS SO GOOD. I LOVES YOU, BABY. YOU GIVE ME

I LOVES YOU, BABY. YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING SO NICE.

YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING SO NICE. WELL, NOW'S THE TIME

EVERYTHING SO NICE. WELL, NOW'S THE TIME I WANT TO GIVE YOU

WELL, NOW'S THE TIME I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING ESPECIALLY NICE.

I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING ESPECIALLY NICE. ANCHOVIES, YOU DEVIL!

SOMETHING ESPECIALLY NICE. ANCHOVIES, YOU DEVIL! MMM-HMM.

ANCHOVIES, YOU DEVIL! MMM-HMM. ANCHOVIES...

MMM-HMM. ANCHOVIES... THEY'RE A SERIOUS JAM.

ANCHOVIES... THEY'RE A SERIOUS JAM. Man: CUT!

THEY'RE A SERIOUS JAM. Man: CUT! UM, UH, GLASS

Man: CUT! UM, UH, GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE.

UM, UH, GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE. OK.

OF WATER, PLEASE. OK. WELL... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OK. WELL... WHAT DO YOU THINK? Christina: DAMNED IMPRESSIVE.

WELL... WHAT DO YOU THINK? Christina: DAMNED IMPRESSIVE. WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO

Christina: DAMNED IMPRESSIVE. WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO LUNCH, COME BACK AND DISCUSS IT.

WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO LUNCH, COME BACK AND DISCUSS IT. WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.

LUNCH, COME BACK AND DISCUSS IT. WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL. YEAH, NOW THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL. YEAH, NOW THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. WHERE SHOULD WE EAT?

YEAH, NOW THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. WHERE SHOULD WE EAT? WHERE DO WE WANT TO GO?

WHERE SHOULD WE EAT? WHERE DO WE WANT TO GO? HOW 'BOUT ROMA VILLA?

WHERE DO WE WANT TO GO? HOW 'BOUT ROMA VILLA? NO, NO, NO,

HOW 'BOUT ROMA VILLA? NO, NO, NO, I ATE THERE YESTERDAY.

NO, NO, NO, I ATE THERE YESTERDAY. HOW 'BOUT THE PARTHENON?

I ATE THERE YESTERDAY. HOW 'BOUT THE PARTHENON? WAIT A MINUTE,

HOW 'BOUT THE PARTHENON? WAIT A MINUTE, HOW 'BOUT SOUL TRAIN?

WAIT A MINUTE, HOW 'BOUT SOUL TRAIN? THEY GOT GREAT RIBS AND,

HOW 'BOUT SOUL TRAIN? THEY GOT GREAT RIBS AND, UH, COLLARD GREENS THERE.

THEY GOT GREAT RIBS AND, UH, COLLARD GREENS THERE. SOUNDS GOOD,

UH, COLLARD GREENS THERE. SOUNDS GOOD, THAT SOUNDS GOOD, YEAH.

SOUNDS GOOD, THAT SOUNDS GOOD, YEAH. WHAT DID YOU SAY,

THAT SOUNDS GOOD, YEAH. WHAT DID YOU SAY, IT HAD COLLARD GREENS?

WHAT DID YOU SAY, IT HAD COLLARD GREENS? YEAH, COLLARD GREENS.

IT HAD COLLARD GREENS? YEAH, COLLARD GREENS. WHAT ARE COLLARD GREENS?

YEAH, COLLARD GREENS. WHAT ARE COLLARD GREENS? IT'S KIND OF LIKE ESCAROLE.

WHAT ARE COLLARD GREENS? IT'S KIND OF LIKE ESCAROLE. ESCAROLE? I LOVE ESCAROLE!

IT'S KIND OF LIKE ESCAROLE. ESCAROLE? I LOVE ESCAROLE! WELL... WHO KNOWS?

ESCAROLE? I LOVE ESCAROLE! WELL... WHO KNOWS? SOON, MAYBE WE'LL HAVE

WELL... WHO KNOWS? SOON, MAYBE WE'LL HAVE BETTER LUCK WITH THE

SOON, MAYBE WE'LL HAVE BETTER LUCK WITH THE STURGEON COUNCIL, HUH?

BETTER LUCK WITH THE STURGEON COUNCIL, HUH? I HOPE SO.

STURGEON COUNCIL, HUH? I HOPE SO. [APPLAUSE, ♪...]

[PIANO PLAYS] Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "BAD PLAYHOUSE" WITH

Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "BAD PLAYHOUSE" WITH YOUR HOST, LADY PINTH-GARNELL.

FOR "BAD PLAYHOUSE" WITH YOUR HOST, LADY PINTH-GARNELL. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME

YOUR HOST, LADY PINTH-GARNELL. GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "BAD PLAYHOUSE."

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "BAD PLAYHOUSE." I'M LADY PINTH-GARNELL,

TO "BAD PLAYHOUSE." I'M LADY PINTH-GARNELL, SITTING IN FOR MY HUSBAND

I'M LADY PINTH-GARNELL, SITTING IN FOR MY HUSBAND LEONARD WHO'S BEEN DETAINED AT

SITTING IN FOR MY HUSBAND LEONARD WHO'S BEEN DETAINED AT A SWISS MIME GROUP PERFORMANCE.

LEONARD WHO'S BEEN DETAINED AT A SWISS MIME GROUP PERFORMANCE. THE THEME OF TONIGHT'S

A SWISS MIME GROUP PERFORMANCE. THE THEME OF TONIGHT'S "BAD PLAYHOUSE" CONCERNS THE

THE THEME OF TONIGHT'S "BAD PLAYHOUSE" CONCERNS THE LIBERATION OF FOUR TOWNSPEOPLE

"BAD PLAYHOUSE" CONCERNS THE LIBERATION OF FOUR TOWNSPEOPLE IN AN IRISH RURAL COMMUNITY

LIBERATION OF FOUR TOWNSPEOPLE IN AN IRISH RURAL COMMUNITY DURING THE GREAT POTATO FAMINE.

IN AN IRISH RURAL COMMUNITY DURING THE GREAT POTATO FAMINE. WHAT MAKES IT PARTICULARLY

DURING THE GREAT POTATO FAMINE. WHAT MAKES IT PARTICULARLY OFFENSIVE IS THAT PLAYWRIGHT

WHAT MAKES IT PARTICULARLY OFFENSIVE IS THAT PLAYWRIGHT MICHAEL O'TUNIS HAS CHOSEN

OFFENSIVE IS THAT PLAYWRIGHT MICHAEL O'TUNIS HAS CHOSEN HIS SYMBOL FOR THE TOWN'S

MICHAEL O'TUNIS HAS CHOSEN HIS SYMBOL FOR THE TOWN'S LIBERATION, MR. POTATO HEAD.

HIS SYMBOL FOR THE TOWN'S LIBERATION, MR. POTATO HEAD. IT'S THE LATE 1800s IN

LIBERATION, MR. POTATO HEAD. IT'S THE LATE 1800s IN KATIE O'ROURKE'S SCULLERY AS

IT'S THE LATE 1800s IN KATIE O'ROURKE'S SCULLERY AS SHE PREPARES FOR A SPECIAL

KATIE O'ROURKE'S SCULLERY AS SHE PREPARES FOR A SPECIAL VISITOR TO RETURN FROM AMERICA

SHE PREPARES FOR A SPECIAL VISITOR TO RETURN FROM AMERICA AS THE GREAT MR. POTATO HEAD

VISITOR TO RETURN FROM AMERICA AS THE GREAT MR. POTATO HEAD FAMINE BEGINS.

AS THE GREAT MR. POTATO HEAD FAMINE BEGINS. [♪...]

FAMINE BEGINS. [♪...] AYE, KATIE, 'TIS A SORROW

[♪...] AYE, KATIE, 'TIS A SORROW AND A PITY THAT THE SHEATH ON

AYE, KATIE, 'TIS A SORROW AND A PITY THAT THE SHEATH ON THE HEATHER WILL BE COMIN' DOWN

AND A PITY THAT THE SHEATH ON THE HEATHER WILL BE COMIN' DOWN THE FURZY DITCH WITH NO MEN

THE HEATHER WILL BE COMIN' DOWN THE FURZY DITCH WITH NO MEN TO CARRY.

THE FURZY DITCH WITH NO MEN TO CARRY. AYE, YOU CAN SAY

TO CARRY. AYE, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, MOLLY.

AYE, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, MOLLY. IF ONLY THESE POTATOES COULD

THAT AGAIN, MOLLY. IF ONLY THESE POTATOES COULD BRING US COMPANIONSHIP LIKE MEN.

IF ONLY THESE POTATOES COULD BRING US COMPANIONSHIP LIKE MEN. AYE, 'TIS TRUE LIKE THE DEW

BRING US COMPANIONSHIP LIKE MEN. AYE, 'TIS TRUE LIKE THE DEW AT THE PEAT BOGS AT MIDNIGHT.

AYE, 'TIS TRUE LIKE THE DEW AT THE PEAT BOGS AT MIDNIGHT. [MUSIC CHANGES]

AT THE PEAT BOGS AT MIDNIGHT. [MUSIC CHANGES] ♪ I WISH POTATOES

[MUSIC CHANGES] ♪ I WISH POTATOES WEREN'T SO DUMB ♪

♪ I WISH POTATOES WEREN'T SO DUMB ♪ ♪ THERE'S NOT ONE DITTY

WEREN'T SO DUMB ♪ ♪ THERE'S NOT ONE DITTY THEY CAN HUM ♪

♪ THERE'S NOT ONE DITTY THEY CAN HUM ♪ ♪ THEIR EYES CAN'T SEE,

THEY CAN HUM ♪ ♪ THEIR EYES CAN'T SEE, THEIR LIPS CAN'T KISS ♪

♪ THEIR EYES CAN'T SEE, THEIR LIPS CAN'T KISS ♪ ♪ A 'TATER'S SUCH A DOPE

THEIR LIPS CAN'T KISS ♪ ♪ A 'TATER'S SUCH A DOPE THAT HE'S NO FUN... ♪

♪ A 'TATER'S SUCH A DOPE THAT HE'S NO FUN... ♪ [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

THAT HE'S NO FUN... ♪ [KNOCKING ON DOOR] WHO'S THERE?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] WHO'S THERE? Man: MR. POTATO HEAD!

WHO'S THERE? Man: MR. POTATO HEAD! MR. POTATO HEAD?

Man: MR. POTATO HEAD! MR. POTATO HEAD? YES, MR. POTATO HEAD.

MR. POTATO HEAD? YES, MR. POTATO HEAD. OOH, LAND O'GOSHEN!

YES, MR. POTATO HEAD. OOH, LAND O'GOSHEN! THIS MUST BE LEPRECHAUN'S WORK!

OOH, LAND O'GOSHEN! THIS MUST BE LEPRECHAUN'S WORK! [♪...]

THIS MUST BE LEPRECHAUN'S WORK! [♪...] ♪ I'M MR. POTATO HEAD,

[♪...] ♪ I'M MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪

♪ I'M MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ NEVER LET IT BE SAID

THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ NEVER LET IT BE SAID I'M DULL OR CAN'T BE SEEN ♪

♪ NEVER LET IT BE SAID I'M DULL OR CAN'T BE SEEN ♪ ♪ FOR I'M MR. POTATO HEAD,

I'M DULL OR CAN'T BE SEEN ♪ ♪ FOR I'M MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪

♪ FOR I'M MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ Women: ♪ OH, 'CAUSE HE'S

THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ Women: ♪ OH, 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD,

Women: ♪ OH, 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪

MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD,

THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO

THE PRIDE OF IRELAND GREEN ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE... ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, THE PRIDE... ♪ STOP, STOP THIS NONSENSE!

HEAD, THE PRIDE... ♪ STOP, STOP THIS NONSENSE! AYE, IT'S THAT OLD BAG O'

STOP, STOP THIS NONSENSE! AYE, IT'S THAT OLD BAG O' WIND, SEAN McGINTY.

AYE, IT'S THAT OLD BAG O' WIND, SEAN McGINTY. YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME

WIND, SEAN McGINTY. YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME HOT POTATO, DON'T YOU?

YOU THINK YOU'RE SOME HOT POTATO, DON'T YOU? AND WHERE'D YOU GET THE FANCY

HOT POTATO, DON'T YOU? AND WHERE'D YOU GET THE FANCY GET-UP, YOU YOUNG SPUD?

AND WHERE'D YOU GET THE FANCY GET-UP, YOU YOUNG SPUD? IN AMERICA AT

GET-UP, YOU YOUNG SPUD? IN AMERICA AT THE IDAHO TOY FAIR.

IN AMERICA AT THE IDAHO TOY FAIR. NO FINE, UPSTANDING IRISH...

THE IDAHO TOY FAIR. NO FINE, UPSTANDING IRISH... GONNA GALLIVANT ROUND

NO FINE, UPSTANDING IRISH... GONNA GALLIVANT ROUND LIKE THAT WHILE I'M ALIVE.

GONNA GALLIVANT ROUND LIKE THAT WHILE I'M ALIVE. [WOMEN HISSING]

LIKE THAT WHILE I'M ALIVE. [WOMEN HISSING] ♪ YOU CAN FRY THEM,

[WOMEN HISSING] ♪ YOU CAN FRY THEM, YOU CAN BAKE THEM ♪

♪ YOU CAN FRY THEM, YOU CAN BAKE THEM ♪ ♪ EVEN MAKE THEM INTO CHIPS ♪

YOU CAN BAKE THEM ♪ ♪ EVEN MAKE THEM INTO CHIPS ♪ ♪ BUT, PLEASE,

♪ EVEN MAKE THEM INTO CHIPS ♪ ♪ BUT, PLEASE, MRS. IRISHMAN,

♪ BUT, PLEASE, MRS. IRISHMAN, DON'T ADD EYES, NOSE AND LIPS ♪

MRS. IRISHMAN, DON'T ADD EYES, NOSE AND LIPS ♪ ♪ WITH SOUR CREAM AND BUTTER,

DON'T ADD EYES, NOSE AND LIPS ♪ ♪ WITH SOUR CREAM AND BUTTER, CHIVES AND BACON BITS ♪

♪ WITH SOUR CREAM AND BUTTER, CHIVES AND BACON BITS ♪ ♪ THEY'RE REALLY QUITE DELICIOUS

CHIVES AND BACON BITS ♪ ♪ THEY'RE REALLY QUITE DELICIOUS BUT PLEASE DON'T PUT ON MITTS ♪

♪ THEY'RE REALLY QUITE DELICIOUS BUT PLEASE DON'T PUT ON MITTS ♪ HA, HA, STOP YOUR HOLLERING,

BUT PLEASE DON'T PUT ON MITTS ♪ HA, HA, STOP YOUR HOLLERING, McGINTY, BEFORE I THROW YOU

HA, HA, STOP YOUR HOLLERING, McGINTY, BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THE FURZY DITCH.

McGINTY, BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THE FURZY DITCH. MR. POTATO HEAD CAN SOLVE

IN THE FURZY DITCH. MR. POTATO HEAD CAN SOLVE OUR MONEY PROBLEMS,

MR. POTATO HEAD CAN SOLVE OUR MONEY PROBLEMS, PLUS HE'S GOT GREAT HEAD.

OUR MONEY PROBLEMS, PLUS HE'S GOT GREAT HEAD. [ALL CHEERING]

PLUS HE'S GOT GREAT HEAD. [ALL CHEERING] NOW OUT WITH YOU,

[ALL CHEERING] NOW OUT WITH YOU, YOU OLD ASS, BEFORE

NOW OUT WITH YOU, YOU OLD ASS, BEFORE YOU'RE BEATEN TO DEATH.

YOU OLD ASS, BEFORE YOU'RE BEATEN TO DEATH. [ALL SHOUTING]

YOU'RE BEATEN TO DEATH. [ALL SHOUTING] [GASPS] OH!

[ALL SHOUTING] [GASPS] OH! WE'RE FREE!

[GASPS] OH! WE'RE FREE! THE POTATOES ARE LIBERATED!

WE'RE FREE! THE POTATOES ARE LIBERATED! MR. POTATO HEAD HAS SET THEM

THE POTATOES ARE LIBERATED! MR. POTATO HEAD HAS SET THEM ALL, THE IRISH POTATOES, FREE.

MR. POTATO HEAD HAS SET THEM ALL, THE IRISH POTATOES, FREE. OH, THANK GOD!

ALL, THE IRISH POTATOES, FREE. OH, THANK GOD! All: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO

OH, THANK GOD! All: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, HE SET OLD IRELAND FREE ♪

All: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, HE SET OLD IRELAND FREE ♪ ♪ HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD,

HEAD, HE SET OLD IRELAND FREE ♪ ♪ HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, HE'S FUN FOR YOU AND ME... ♪

♪ HE'S MR. POTATO HEAD, HE'S FUN FOR YOU AND ME... ♪ MR. POTATO HEAD!

HE'S FUN FOR YOU AND ME... ♪ MR. POTATO HEAD! All: AYE!

MR. POTATO HEAD! All: AYE! [APPLAUSE]

VERY BAD, STUPID AND HEINOUS. THE CAST OF TONIGHT'S BAD PRODUCTION WAS PLAYED

THE CAST OF TONIGHT'S BAD PRODUCTION WAS PLAYED BY THE SALES STAFF OF

BAD PRODUCTION WAS PLAYED BY THE SALES STAFF OF THE HOUSE OF LINEN.

BY THE SALES STAFF OF THE HOUSE OF LINEN. AND SEAN McGINTY WAS, OF COURSE,

THE HOUSE OF LINEN. AND SEAN McGINTY WAS, OF COURSE, OUR OWN RONNIE BATEMAN.

AND SEAN McGINTY WAS, OF COURSE, OUR OWN RONNIE BATEMAN. [APPLAUSE]

OUR OWN RONNIE BATEMAN. [APPLAUSE] JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE

[APPLAUSE] JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE PRESENT THE UNDERWATER JAPANESE

JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE PRESENT THE UNDERWATER JAPANESE VERSION OF CANTERBURY TALES.

PRESENT THE UNDERWATER JAPANESE VERSION OF CANTERBURY TALES. THIS IS LADY PINTH-GARNELL

VERSION OF CANTERBURY TALES. THIS IS LADY PINTH-GARNELL BIDDING YOU GOOD NIGHT.

THIS IS LADY PINTH-GARNELL BIDDING YOU GOOD NIGHT. [♪..., APPLAUSE]

[♪...] LEON... LEON, I DON'T EVEN SEE WHY I'M HAVING THIS MEETING.

LEON... LEON, I DON'T EVEN SEE WHY I'M HAVING THIS MEETING. I MEAN, I THOUGHT

SEE WHY I'M HAVING THIS MEETING. I MEAN, I THOUGHT THE SCRIPT WAS SOLD.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT THE SCRIPT WAS SOLD. LOOK, I'M YOUR AGENT.

THE SCRIPT WAS SOLD. LOOK, I'M YOUR AGENT. I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG.

LOOK, I'M YOUR AGENT. I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG. YOU KNOW THESE BABY MOGULS.

I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG. YOU KNOW THESE BABY MOGULS. PAULA PROBABLY JUST

YOU KNOW THESE BABY MOGULS. PAULA PROBABLY JUST WANTS TO SCHMOOZE.

PAULA PROBABLY JUST WANTS TO SCHMOOZE. LOOK, PAULA KERSH IS

WANTS TO SCHMOOZE. LOOK, PAULA KERSH IS THE MOST POWERFUL STUDIO HEAD

LOOK, PAULA KERSH IS THE MOST POWERFUL STUDIO HEAD IN THE INDUSTRY.

THE MOST POWERFUL STUDIO HEAD IN THE INDUSTRY. ANYTHING SHE DOES,

IN THE INDUSTRY. ANYTHING SHE DOES, SHE DOES FOR A REASON.

ANYTHING SHE DOES, SHE DOES FOR A REASON. LOOK, YOU'LL SIT,

SHE DOES FOR A REASON. LOOK, YOU'LL SIT, YOU'LL TALK.

LOOK, YOU'LL SIT, YOU'LL TALK. IT'LL BE GOLDEN.

YOU'LL TALK. IT'LL BE GOLDEN. OH, LEON, LEON, LEON, LEON.

IT'LL BE GOLDEN. OH, LEON, LEON, LEON, LEON. I'M TELLING YOU,

OH, LEON, LEON, LEON, LEON. I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING YOU.

I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING YOU. SHE SHOULD HAVE

I'M TELLING YOU. SHE SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME BY NOW.

SHE SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME BY NOW. PAULA WILL SEE YOU NOW.

SEEN ME BY NOW. PAULA WILL SEE YOU NOW. THERE YOU GO,

PAULA WILL SEE YOU NOW. THERE YOU GO, HAVE A GOOD ONE.

THERE YOU GO, HAVE A GOOD ONE. YOU CAN CALL ME AT HOME.

HAVE A GOOD ONE. YOU CAN CALL ME AT HOME. THANKS, LEON.

YOU CAN CALL ME AT HOME. THANKS, LEON. CAROL, YOU LET

THANKS, LEON. CAROL, YOU LET YOUR PERM GROW OUT.

CAROL, YOU LET YOUR PERM GROW OUT. YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT.

YOUR PERM GROW OUT. YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT. OH, YEAH, I LIKE IT

YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT. OH, YEAH, I LIKE IT BETTER TOO.

OH, YEAH, I LIKE IT BETTER TOO. HELLO, PAULA, BABY!

BETTER TOO. HELLO, PAULA, BABY! MARILYN, BABY, GREAT

HELLO, PAULA, BABY! MARILYN, BABY, GREAT TO SEE YOU! [LAUGHS]

MARILYN, BABY, GREAT TO SEE YOU! [LAUGHS] [KISSING NOISES]

TO SEE YOU! [LAUGHS] [KISSING NOISES] OH, BOY, LISTEN,

[KISSING NOISES] OH, BOY, LISTEN, I REALLY LOVE THE SCRIPT.

OH, BOY, LISTEN, I REALLY LOVE THE SCRIPT. I GOT A MILLION THOUGHTS ON IT!

I REALLY LOVE THE SCRIPT. I GOT A MILLION THOUGHTS ON IT! BUT THERE'S SOMEONE

I GOT A MILLION THOUGHTS ON IT! BUT THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT IN ON THIS.

BUT THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT IN ON THIS. CAROL, HONEY... YEAH, BE A DOLL.

I WANT IN ON THIS. CAROL, HONEY... YEAH, BE A DOLL. ASK FRANK MAHONEY TO STEP IN.

CAROL, HONEY... YEAH, BE A DOLL. ASK FRANK MAHONEY TO STEP IN. OH, PAULA, YOU LOOK GREAT.

ASK FRANK MAHONEY TO STEP IN. OH, PAULA, YOU LOOK GREAT. WHERE WERE YOU,

OH, PAULA, YOU LOOK GREAT. WHERE WERE YOU, DOWN IN PALM SPRINGS?

WHERE WERE YOU, DOWN IN PALM SPRINGS? YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE COLOR.

DOWN IN PALM SPRINGS? YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE COLOR. OH, CUTE, THAT'S CUTE.

YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE COLOR. OH, CUTE, THAT'S CUTE. YOU WANTED SOME INPUT, PAULA?

OH, CUTE, THAT'S CUTE. YOU WANTED SOME INPUT, PAULA? OH, YEAH.

YOU WANTED SOME INPUT, PAULA? OH, YEAH. MARILYN MAZELMAN, FRANK MAHONEY.

OH, YEAH. MARILYN MAZELMAN, FRANK MAHONEY. THE MAN KNOWS.

MARILYN MAZELMAN, FRANK MAHONEY. THE MAN KNOWS. NOTHING BUT

THE MAN KNOWS. NOTHING BUT GREAT THINGS, MARILYN.

NOTHING BUT GREAT THINGS, MARILYN. HOW DO YOU DO?

GREAT THINGS, MARILYN. HOW DO YOU DO? DID YOU SEE

HOW DO YOU DO? DID YOU SEE "THREE UNMARRIED GIRLFRIENDS"?

DID YOU SEE "THREE UNMARRIED GIRLFRIENDS"? I WROTE IT.

"THREE UNMARRIED GIRLFRIENDS"? I WROTE IT. INCREDIBLE, AND I READ

I WROTE IT. INCREDIBLE, AND I READ YOUR BO PEEP SCRIPT OVER

INCREDIBLE, AND I READ YOUR BO PEEP SCRIPT OVER THE WEEKEND AND IT IS...

YOUR BO PEEP SCRIPT OVER THE WEEKEND AND IT IS... KILLER MACHISMO, I THINK.

THE WEEKEND AND IT IS... KILLER MACHISMO, I THINK. YES, DEFINITELY

KILLER MACHISMO, I THINK. YES, DEFINITELY KILLER MACHISMO.

YES, DEFINITELY KILLER MACHISMO. IT'S A GREAT SCRIPT.

KILLER MACHISMO. IT'S A GREAT SCRIPT. I FEEL I CAPTURED THE

IT'S A GREAT SCRIPT. I FEEL I CAPTURED THE UNIVERSALITY OF PEEP.

I FEEL I CAPTURED THE UNIVERSALITY OF PEEP. SHE WANTS TO LEAD

UNIVERSALITY OF PEEP. SHE WANTS TO LEAD BUT HAS NO FOLLOWERS.

SHE WANTS TO LEAD BUT HAS NO FOLLOWERS. SHE SEARCHES FOR SHEEP

BUT HAS NO FOLLOWERS. SHE SEARCHES FOR SHEEP AND FINDS HERSELF.

SHE SEARCHES FOR SHEEP AND FINDS HERSELF. I KNOW THAT PERSON,

AND FINDS HERSELF. I KNOW THAT PERSON, I KNOW HER.

I KNOW THAT PERSON, I KNOW HER. I'VE MET HER A DOZEN TIMES.

I KNOW HER. I'VE MET HER A DOZEN TIMES. YEAH, YEAH.

I'VE MET HER A DOZEN TIMES. YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, I SEE

YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, I SEE SHERYL KERSH AS PEEP.

YEAH, I SEE SHERYL KERSH AS PEEP. SHE IS AVAILABLE.

SHERYL KERSH AS PEEP. SHE IS AVAILABLE. GRAB HER.

SHE IS AVAILABLE. GRAB HER. WAIT A MINUTE,

GRAB HER. WAIT A MINUTE, WHO'S SHERYL KERSH?

WAIT A MINUTE, WHO'S SHERYL KERSH? UM... UH, FRANK?

WHO'S SHERYL KERSH? UM... UH, FRANK? COULD I HAVE A GLASS OF

UM... UH, FRANK? COULD I HAVE A GLASS OF MILK WITH SOME BOSCO?

COULD I HAVE A GLASS OF MILK WITH SOME BOSCO? SURE.

MILK WITH SOME BOSCO? SURE. WHO'S SHERYL KERSH.

SURE. WHO'S SHERYL KERSH. JUST A MINUTE, TRUST ME.

WHO'S SHERYL KERSH. JUST A MINUTE, TRUST ME. I, I, UH, HAVE A

JUST A MINUTE, TRUST ME. I, I, UH, HAVE A DISAPPOINTMENT FOR YOU, PAULA...

I, I, UH, HAVE A DISAPPOINTMENT FOR YOU, PAULA... PAULA, WE ARE OUT OF BOSCO.

DISAPPOINTMENT FOR YOU, PAULA... PAULA, WE ARE OUT OF BOSCO. JUST PLAIN MILK.

PAULA, WE ARE OUT OF BOSCO. JUST PLAIN MILK. [LAUGHTER]

JUST PLAIN MILK. [LAUGHTER] [SCREAMING AND SOBBING]

[LAUGHTER] [SCREAMING AND SOBBING] IT'S BEEN INSANE HERE TODAY.

[SCREAMING AND SOBBING] IT'S BEEN INSANE HERE TODAY. OH, HEY, HEY, PAULA.

IT'S BEEN INSANE HERE TODAY. OH, HEY, HEY, PAULA. PAULA, PAULA, PAULA, PAULA...

OH, HEY, HEY, PAULA. PAULA, PAULA, PAULA, PAULA... THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE FACE

PAULA, PAULA, PAULA, PAULA... THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF A STUDIO HEAD WHO JUST BOUGHT

THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF A STUDIO HEAD WHO JUST BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO THE THORN BIRDS.

OF A STUDIO HEAD WHO JUST BOUGHT THE RIGHTS TO THE THORN BIRDS. THE THORN BIRDS?

THE RIGHTS TO THE THORN BIRDS. THE THORN BIRDS? YAY, HOW MUCH?!

THE THORN BIRDS? YAY, HOW MUCH?! A MILLION AND A HALF.

YAY, HOW MUCH?! A MILLION AND A HALF. THEY GET NO POINTS.

A MILLION AND A HALF. THEY GET NO POINTS. [LAUGHS] WHO'S GOT

THEY GET NO POINTS. [LAUGHS] WHO'S GOT THE MERCHANDIZING?

[LAUGHS] WHO'S GOT THE MERCHANDIZING? GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

THE MERCHANDIZING? GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. ME! OH, BOY! [LAUGHS]

GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR. ME! OH, BOY! [LAUGHS] OH, GOSH, I'M SORRY, MARILYN.

ME! OH, BOY! [LAUGHS] OH, GOSH, I'M SORRY, MARILYN. I'VE BEEN MESHUGAH TODAY.

OH, GOSH, I'M SORRY, MARILYN. I'VE BEEN MESHUGAH TODAY. LISTEN... OH, CAROL, BE A LOVE

I'VE BEEN MESHUGAH TODAY. LISTEN... OH, CAROL, BE A LOVE AND SEND IN SHERYL KERSH.

LISTEN... OH, CAROL, BE A LOVE AND SEND IN SHERYL KERSH. WHO IS SHERYL KERSH?

AND SEND IN SHERYL KERSH. WHO IS SHERYL KERSH? LISTEN, MARILYN...

WHO IS SHERYL KERSH? LISTEN, MARILYN... I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH

LISTEN, MARILYN... I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS SINCE I WAS TWO.

I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS SINCE I WAS TWO. I WOULDN'T STEER YOU

THIS SINCE I WAS TWO. I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG ON THIS SCRIPT.

I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG ON THIS SCRIPT. YEAH, BUT IS SHE BO PEEP?

WRONG ON THIS SCRIPT. YEAH, BUT IS SHE BO PEEP? WELL... YES.

YEAH, BUT IS SHE BO PEEP? WELL... YES. HI, SWEETHEART, HAVING FUN?

WELL... YES. HI, SWEETHEART, HAVING FUN? YES.

HI, SWEETHEART, HAVING FUN? YES. OH, DID YOU MAKE

YES. OH, DID YOU MAKE ANYTHING TODAY?

OH, DID YOU MAKE ANYTHING TODAY? OH, YEAH, DEAL WITH THE THORN

ANYTHING TODAY? OH, YEAH, DEAL WITH THE THORN BIRDS AND A NUMBER TWO.

OH, YEAH, DEAL WITH THE THORN BIRDS AND A NUMBER TWO. OH, THAT'S A GOOD GIRL.

BIRDS AND A NUMBER TWO. OH, THAT'S A GOOD GIRL. MOMMY IS VERY PROUD OF YOU.

OH, THAT'S A GOOD GIRL. MOMMY IS VERY PROUD OF YOU. MOMMY?

MOMMY IS VERY PROUD OF YOU. MOMMY? OH, WE HAVEN'T MET.

MOMMY? OH, WE HAVEN'T MET. I'M SHERYL KERSH,

OH, WE HAVEN'T MET. I'M SHERYL KERSH, BETTER KNOWN AS PAULA'S MOMMY.

I'M SHERYL KERSH, BETTER KNOWN AS PAULA'S MOMMY. MARILYN MAZELMAN.

BETTER KNOWN AS PAULA'S MOMMY. MARILYN MAZELMAN. OH, WELL, PAULA'S JUST

MARILYN MAZELMAN. OH, WELL, PAULA'S JUST TALKED A BLUE STREAK ABOUT YOU,

OH, WELL, PAULA'S JUST TALKED A BLUE STREAK ABOUT YOU, NOTHING BUT GOOD.

TALKED A BLUE STREAK ABOUT YOU, NOTHING BUT GOOD. HONEY, IS THAT THE BARBIE

NOTHING BUT GOOD. HONEY, IS THAT THE BARBIE BIRTHDAY SET THAT RYAN O'NEAL

HONEY, IS THAT THE BARBIE BIRTHDAY SET THAT RYAN O'NEAL GAVE YOU?

BIRTHDAY SET THAT RYAN O'NEAL GAVE YOU? IS THAT A NICE WAY

GAVE YOU? IS THAT A NICE WAY TO TAKE CARE OF IT?

IS THAT A NICE WAY TO TAKE CARE OF IT? NO, LET ME TAKE CARE

TO TAKE CARE OF IT? NO, LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU.

NO, LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU. MOM!

OF IT FOR YOU. MOM! WELL, IS SHE BO OR IS SHE BO?

MOM! WELL, IS SHE BO OR IS SHE BO? SHE'S A 10 OUT OF 10.

WELL, IS SHE BO OR IS SHE BO? SHE'S A 10 OUT OF 10. IT IS PERFECT-O CASTING.

SHE'S A 10 OUT OF 10. IT IS PERFECT-O CASTING. ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY,

IT IS PERFECT-O CASTING. ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I SAW STREEP AS PEEP.

ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I SAW STREEP AS PEEP. TOO OBVIOUS.

I SAW STREEP AS PEEP. TOO OBVIOUS. I LIKE MY MOMMY.

TOO OBVIOUS. I LIKE MY MOMMY. EVER SINCE SHE READ ME

I LIKE MY MOMMY. EVER SINCE SHE READ ME THE STORY THREE YEARS AGO,

EVER SINCE SHE READ ME THE STORY THREE YEARS AGO, I'VE SEEN HER AS PEEP.

THE STORY THREE YEARS AGO, I'VE SEEN HER AS PEEP. IT'S A GREAT VEHICLE

I'VE SEEN HER AS PEEP. IT'S A GREAT VEHICLE FOR AN UNKNOWN.

IT'S A GREAT VEHICLE FOR AN UNKNOWN. I DON'T KNOW,

FOR AN UNKNOWN. I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW. I STILL SEE STREEP.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW. I STILL SEE STREEP. MARILYN, WHEN YOU

I STILL SEE STREEP. MARILYN, WHEN YOU GET BEHIND THIS DESK,

MARILYN, WHEN YOU GET BEHIND THIS DESK, YOU CAN DO THE CASTING.

GET BEHIND THIS DESK, YOU CAN DO THE CASTING. I WANT MY MOMMY!

YOU CAN DO THE CASTING. I WANT MY MOMMY! I'M RIGHT HERE, DARLING.

I WANT MY MOMMY! I'M RIGHT HERE, DARLING. PAULA, PAULA,

I'M RIGHT HERE, DARLING. PAULA, PAULA, YOU ARE BEING A BABY ABOUT THIS.

PAULA, PAULA, YOU ARE BEING A BABY ABOUT THIS. I'M NOT A BABY!

YOU ARE BEING A BABY ABOUT THIS. I'M NOT A BABY! SHE'S NOT A BABY.

I'M NOT A BABY! SHE'S NOT A BABY. SHE'S A BIG GIRL AND

SHE'S NOT A BABY. SHE'S A BIG GIRL AND SHE RUNS A BIG STUDIO.

SHE'S A BIG GIRL AND SHE RUNS A BIG STUDIO. YEAH, A GREAT,

SHE RUNS A BIG STUDIO. YEAH, A GREAT, BIG, GIANT STUDIO!

YEAH, A GREAT, BIG, GIANT STUDIO! PAULA, PAULA, I LOVE

BIG, GIANT STUDIO! PAULA, PAULA, I LOVE YOUR MOMMY LIKE YOU DO, BUT

PAULA, PAULA, I LOVE YOUR MOMMY LIKE YOU DO, BUT I JUST CAN'T SEE HER AS PEEP.

YOUR MOMMY LIKE YOU DO, BUT I JUST CAN'T SEE HER AS PEEP. MARILYN... I HATE TO DO

I JUST CAN'T SEE HER AS PEEP. MARILYN... I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU, BUT...

MARILYN... I HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU, BUT... CAROL, GET ME SUE MENGERS.

THIS TO YOU, BUT... CAROL, GET ME SUE MENGERS. I WANT BO GOLDMAN TO DO

CAROL, GET ME SUE MENGERS. I WANT BO GOLDMAN TO DO THE BO PEEP REWRITES.

I WANT BO GOLDMAN TO DO THE BO PEEP REWRITES. SEE IF BEAU BRIDGES AND

THE BO PEEP REWRITES. SEE IF BEAU BRIDGES AND BO DEREK ARE AVAILABLE FOR

SEE IF BEAU BRIDGES AND BO DEREK ARE AVAILABLE FOR BO'S PARENTS IN THE FLASHBACK

BO DEREK ARE AVAILABLE FOR BO'S PARENTS IN THE FLASHBACK AND GET BO DIDDLY STARTED

BO'S PARENTS IN THE FLASHBACK AND GET BO DIDDLY STARTED ON THE MUSICAL SCORE.

AND GET BO DIDDLY STARTED ON THE MUSICAL SCORE. THE WHOLE "BO" THING

ON THE MUSICAL SCORE. THE WHOLE "BO" THING IS BRILLIANT.

THE WHOLE "BO" THING IS BRILLIANT. RUN WITH IT, FLY WITH IT.

IS BRILLIANT. RUN WITH IT, FLY WITH IT. OH, RIGHT, THURSDAY, 2:00.

RUN WITH IT, FLY WITH IT. OH, RIGHT, THURSDAY, 2:00. WE'RE SCREENING THE BOBO.

OH, RIGHT, THURSDAY, 2:00. WE'RE SCREENING THE BOBO. YEAH!

WE'RE SCREENING THE BOBO. YEAH! SORRY IT DIDN'T

YEAH! SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, MARILYN.

SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, MARILYN. NEXT TIME.

WORK OUT, MARILYN. NEXT TIME. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

NEXT TIME. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. UH, HOLD ON A SECOND.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. UH, HOLD ON A SECOND. I THINK I'M BEGINNING

UH, HOLD ON A SECOND. I THINK I'M BEGINNING TO SEE THIS, UH, SHERYL KERSH.

I THINK I'M BEGINNING TO SEE THIS, UH, SHERYL KERSH. YAY!

TO SEE THIS, UH, SHERYL KERSH. YAY! SEE, MOM?

YAY! SEE, MOM? THANKS, DARLING.

SEE, MOM? THANKS, DARLING. OH, BOY, THEY GROW UP SO FAST.

THANKS, DARLING. OH, BOY, THEY GROW UP SO FAST. BOY, THIS ONE IS CUTTING

OH, BOY, THEY GROW UP SO FAST. BOY, THIS ONE IS CUTTING HER OWN MEAT ALREADY.

BOY, THIS ONE IS CUTTING HER OWN MEAT ALREADY. SHE IS.

HER OWN MEAT ALREADY. SHE IS. OK, KIDS, I THINK

SHE IS. OK, KIDS, I THINK THE PROJECT'S GOT LEGS!

OK, KIDS, I THINK THE PROJECT'S GOT LEGS! SAY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

THE PROJECT'S GOT LEGS! SAY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU TWO KIDS RUN OVER

SAY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU TWO KIDS RUN OVER TO MUSSO'S AND FINE-TUNE THE

WHY DON'T YOU TWO KIDS RUN OVER TO MUSSO'S AND FINE-TUNE THE MAGIC OVER SOME FLANNEL CAKES?

TO MUSSO'S AND FINE-TUNE THE MAGIC OVER SOME FLANNEL CAKES? HEY, YEAH, UH, MOMMY?

MAGIC OVER SOME FLANNEL CAKES? HEY, YEAH, UH, MOMMY? LET'S HAVE LUNCH.

HEY, YEAH, UH, MOMMY? LET'S HAVE LUNCH. I'LL HAVE MY GIRL

LET'S HAVE LUNCH. I'LL HAVE MY GIRL CALL YOUR GIRL.

I'LL HAVE MY GIRL CALL YOUR GIRL. SUCH A PRETTY FACE.

CALL YOUR GIRL. SUCH A PRETTY FACE. WHY HIDE IT?

SUCH A PRETTY FACE. WHY HIDE IT? MOM...

WHY HIDE IT? MOM... PAULA... I WANT TO TRUST YOU.

MOM... PAULA... I WANT TO TRUST YOU. MARILYN, WE'RE ALL LEARNING.

PAULA... I WANT TO TRUST YOU. MARILYN, WE'RE ALL LEARNING. KISS, KISS... BYE-BYE.

MARILYN, WE'RE ALL LEARNING. KISS, KISS... BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE.

KISS, KISS... BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE. Frank: HEY, GALS,

BYE-BYE. Frank: HEY, GALS, MAKE ROOM ON THE MANTEL

Frank: HEY, GALS, MAKE ROOM ON THE MANTEL FOR THOSE OSCARS, WILL YOU?

MAKE ROOM ON THE MANTEL FOR THOSE OSCARS, WILL YOU? CIAO.

FOR THOSE OSCARS, WILL YOU? CIAO. FRANK, THIS JOB

CIAO. FRANK, THIS JOB IS KILLING ME!

FRANK, THIS JOB IS KILLING ME! I LOVE THE CREATING

IS KILLING ME! I LOVE THE CREATING BUT I HATE THE HUSTLE.

I LOVE THE CREATING BUT I HATE THE HUSTLE. WE'RE TURNING INTO A LITTLE

BUT I HATE THE HUSTLE. WE'RE TURNING INTO A LITTLE CROSSPATCH, AREN'T WE?

WE'RE TURNING INTO A LITTLE CROSSPATCH, AREN'T WE? YEAH.

CROSSPATCH, AREN'T WE? YEAH. IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NAP.

YEAH. IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NAP. DO YOU WANT YOUR BANKY

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NAP. DO YOU WANT YOUR BANKY AND MR. DOG?

DO YOU WANT YOUR BANKY AND MR. DOG? YEAH, BUT FIRST

AND MR. DOG? YEAH, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO GO NUMBER ONE.

YEAH, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO GO NUMBER ONE. OK, LITTLE BABY MOGUL.

I HAVE TO GO NUMBER ONE. OK, LITTLE BABY MOGUL. RUN THE WATER.

OK, LITTLE BABY MOGUL. RUN THE WATER. I WILL.

RUN THE WATER. I WILL. ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD MR. DOG.

I WILL. ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD MR. DOG. UH-OH!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD MR. DOG. UH-OH! [APPLAUSE]

[HUMMING] [DOG BARKING] Man's voice:

[DOG BARKING] Man's voice: AW, COME ON, SPOT.

Man's voice: AW, COME ON, SPOT. NOW, YOU KNOW I CAN'T AFFORD

AW, COME ON, SPOT. NOW, YOU KNOW I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU ANY MORE DOG FOOD.

NOW, YOU KNOW I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY YOU ANY MORE DOG FOOD. OH, NOW, I TOLD YOU

TO BUY YOU ANY MORE DOG FOOD. OH, NOW, I TOLD YOU THAT'S MY MEDICINE!

OH, NOW, I TOLD YOU THAT'S MY MEDICINE! NOW, SPOT, WHY DON'T YOU

THAT'S MY MEDICINE! NOW, SPOT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN ALONG AND FIND

NOW, SPOT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN ALONG AND FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER BEST FRIEND?

JUST RUN ALONG AND FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER BEST FRIEND? Woman's voice:

YOURSELF ANOTHER BEST FRIEND? Woman's voice: OH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. BILL.

Woman's voice: OH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. BILL. I'VE BEEN LOOKING

OH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. BILL. I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO WORK,

ALL OVER FOR YOU. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO WORK, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO WORK, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE. WELL, NOW YOU KNOW

AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE. WELL, NOW YOU KNOW WHERE I AM, MISS SALLY,

WELL, NOW YOU KNOW WHERE I AM, MISS SALLY, SO YOU CAN GO NOW.

WHERE I AM, MISS SALLY, SO YOU CAN GO NOW. I'LL SEE YOU LATER!

SO YOU CAN GO NOW. I'LL SEE YOU LATER! OH, NO, MR. BILL.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER! OH, NO, MR. BILL. I'M GONNA STAY.

OH, NO, MR. BILL. I'M GONNA STAY. I THINK YOU NEED

I'M GONNA STAY. I THINK YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.

I THINK YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU MEAN, A PSYCHIATRIST?

PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU MEAN, A PSYCHIATRIST? YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT,

YOU MEAN, A PSYCHIATRIST? YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, MISS SALLY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, MISS SALLY. I'M TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP

MISS SALLY. I'M TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF YET.

I'M TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF YET. SO, KIDS, I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO

ON MYSELF YET. SO, KIDS, I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO HAVE FUN TODAY 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL

SO, KIDS, I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO HAVE FUN TODAY 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL GONNA GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST!

HAVE FUN TODAY 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL GONNA GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST! YAY!

GONNA GO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST! YAY! THEY SAY HE'S VERY GOOD.

YAY! THEY SAY HE'S VERY GOOD. UH... SO, YOU SEE, DOCTOR,

THEY SAY HE'S VERY GOOD. UH... SO, YOU SEE, DOCTOR, I'VE BEEN A LITTLE DOWN LATELY,

UH... SO, YOU SEE, DOCTOR, I'VE BEEN A LITTLE DOWN LATELY, AND IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ME.

I'VE BEEN A LITTLE DOWN LATELY, AND IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ME. SO I'VE DECIDED

AND IT'S JUST NOT LIKE ME. SO I'VE DECIDED I NEEDED SOME HELP.

SO I'VE DECIDED I NEEDED SOME HELP. Dr. Hans: THIS SOUNDS

I NEEDED SOME HELP. Dr. Hans: THIS SOUNDS VERY SERIOUS TO ME.

Dr. Hans: THIS SOUNDS VERY SERIOUS TO ME. WE'LL HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY

VERY SERIOUS TO ME. WE'LL HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING.

WE'LL HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING. UH, BUT I CAN'T

BACK TO THE BEGINNING. UH, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THAT FAR!

UH, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THAT FAR! WELL, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE

REMEMBER THAT FAR! WELL, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO HYPNOTIZE YOU.

WELL, I'M AFRAID I'LL HAVE TO HYPNOTIZE YOU. OH, UH, ARE YOU SURE

TO HYPNOTIZE YOU. OH, UH, ARE YOU SURE THAT'S SAFE, DOCTOR, HUH?

OH, UH, ARE YOU SURE THAT'S SAFE, DOCTOR, HUH? OF COURSE, IT IS.

THAT'S SAFE, DOCTOR, HUH? OF COURSE, IT IS. NOW JUST RELAX AND

OF COURSE, IT IS. NOW JUST RELAX AND CONCENTRATE ON THE WATCH.

NOW JUST RELAX AND CONCENTRATE ON THE WATCH. YOUR EYES ARE GETTING HEAVY.

CONCENTRATE ON THE WATCH. YOUR EYES ARE GETTING HEAVY. I WANT YOU TO GO BACK IN

YOUR EYES ARE GETTING HEAVY. I WANT YOU TO GO BACK IN YOUR MEMORY AS FAR AS YOU CAN.

I WANT YOU TO GO BACK IN YOUR MEMORY AS FAR AS YOU CAN. OH, GEE, UH, THIS MEMORY'S

YOUR MEMORY AS FAR AS YOU CAN. OH, GEE, UH, THIS MEMORY'S LIKE A... BIG BIRD OR...

OH, GEE, UH, THIS MEMORY'S LIKE A... BIG BIRD OR... WAIT, IT'S A STORK AND, UH,

LIKE A... BIG BIRD OR... WAIT, IT'S A STORK AND, UH, HE'S BRINGING ME TO MY NEW

WAIT, IT'S A STORK AND, UH, HE'S BRINGING ME TO MY NEW HOME IN, IN SLUGGOVILLE.

HE'S BRINGING ME TO MY NEW HOME IN, IN SLUGGOVILLE. OH, NO!

HOME IN, IN SLUGGOVILLE. OH, NO! GEE, MY MOM AND DAD WERE

OH, NO! GEE, MY MOM AND DAD WERE OUT PICNICKING THAT DAY,

GEE, MY MOM AND DAD WERE OUT PICNICKING THAT DAY, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN...

OUT PICNICKING THAT DAY, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN... WAIT, NO, WAIT!

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN... WAIT, NO, WAIT! OH!

WAIT, NO, WAIT! OH! MY MOTHER DIED DURING

OH! MY MOTHER DIED DURING CHILDBIRTH, OH!

MY MOTHER DIED DURING CHILDBIRTH, OH! Dr. Hans: MANY CHILDREN GROW

CHILDBIRTH, OH! Dr. Hans: MANY CHILDREN GROW UP WITH ONLY ONE PARENT AND GO

Dr. Hans: MANY CHILDREN GROW UP WITH ONLY ONE PARENT AND GO ON TO HAVE A NORMAL CHILDHOOD.

UP WITH ONLY ONE PARENT AND GO ON TO HAVE A NORMAL CHILDHOOD. MAYBE IT'S THE HOLIDAYS.

ON TO HAVE A NORMAL CHILDHOOD. MAYBE IT'S THE HOLIDAYS. TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER HAD

MAYBE IT'S THE HOLIDAYS. TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE ON CHRISTMAS?

TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE ON CHRISTMAS? Bill: OH, GEE, I REMEMBER

A BAD EXPERIENCE ON CHRISTMAS? Bill: OH, GEE, I REMEMBER SANTA BROUGHT ME A, A NEW TRAIN

Bill: OH, GEE, I REMEMBER SANTA BROUGHT ME A, A NEW TRAIN SET ONE CHRISTMAS.

SANTA BROUGHT ME A, A NEW TRAIN SET ONE CHRISTMAS. OH, BUT PLEASE LEAVE

SET ONE CHRISTMAS. OH, BUT PLEASE LEAVE MY BILLY ALONE... OH!

OH, BUT PLEASE LEAVE MY BILLY ALONE... OH! Bill: OH, NO!

MY BILLY ALONE... OH! Bill: OH, NO! GEE, I REMEMBER ANOTHER

Bill: OH, NO! GEE, I REMEMBER ANOTHER CHRISTMAS WHEN I USED

GEE, I REMEMBER ANOTHER CHRISTMAS WHEN I USED MY DOG, SPOT, FOR A CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS WHEN I USED MY DOG, SPOT, FOR A CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT.

MY DOG, SPOT, FOR A CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT. OH, NO!

TREE ORNAMENT. OH, NO! MANY CHILDREN PLAY

OH, NO! MANY CHILDREN PLAY WITH DANGEROUS TOYS.

MANY CHILDREN PLAY WITH DANGEROUS TOYS. TELL ME, DID YOU EVER

WITH DANGEROUS TOYS. TELL ME, DID YOU EVER PARTICIPATE IN SPORTS AND

TELL ME, DID YOU EVER PARTICIPATE IN SPORTS AND RECREATION LIKE OTHER CHILDREN?

PARTICIPATE IN SPORTS AND RECREATION LIKE OTHER CHILDREN? WELL, GEE, I REMEMBER

RECREATION LIKE OTHER CHILDREN? WELL, GEE, I REMEMBER MY FIRST SLEIGH RIDE BUT...

WELL, GEE, I REMEMBER MY FIRST SLEIGH RIDE BUT... OH, NO, IT DIDN'T

MY FIRST SLEIGH RIDE BUT... OH, NO, IT DIDN'T SNOW THAT WINTER!

OH, NO, IT DIDN'T SNOW THAT WINTER! Man: RACE YOU DOWNHILL, BILL!

SNOW THAT WINTER! Man: RACE YOU DOWNHILL, BILL! OH... NO, NO, NO, NO!

Man: RACE YOU DOWNHILL, BILL! OH... NO, NO, NO, NO! [YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

OH... NO, NO, NO, NO! [YELLING INDISTINCTLY] Dr. Hans: YOUR REACTION'S

[YELLING INDISTINCTLY] Dr. Hans: YOUR REACTION'S A NORMAL PART OF GROWING UP.

Dr. Hans: YOUR REACTION'S A NORMAL PART OF GROWING UP. MAYBE THE ANSWER LIES

A NORMAL PART OF GROWING UP. MAYBE THE ANSWER LIES IN YOUR DREAMS.

MAYBE THE ANSWER LIES IN YOUR DREAMS. DO YOU EVER HAVE NIGHTMARES?

IN YOUR DREAMS. DO YOU EVER HAVE NIGHTMARES? Bill: OH, GEE, I HAVE

DO YOU EVER HAVE NIGHTMARES? Bill: OH, GEE, I HAVE THIS DREAM WHERE I'M OUT AT

Bill: OH, GEE, I HAVE THIS DREAM WHERE I'M OUT AT SEA... NO, WAIT, IT'S A SINK!

THIS DREAM WHERE I'M OUT AT SEA... NO, WAIT, IT'S A SINK! AND IT'S PULLING ME DOWN,

SEA... NO, WAIT, IT'S A SINK! AND IT'S PULLING ME DOWN, AND I CAN'T STOP!

AND IT'S PULLING ME DOWN, AND I CAN'T STOP! [YELLING INDISTINCTLY,

AND I CAN'T STOP! [YELLING INDISTINCTLY, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[DISTORTED VOICES] [BILL CONTINUES YELLING]

[DEMONIC LAUGHTER] OH! YOU OBVIOUSLY

OH! YOU OBVIOUSLY FEEL MANIPULATED BY

YOU OBVIOUSLY FEEL MANIPULATED BY THESE SO-CALLED HANDS.

FEEL MANIPULATED BY THESE SO-CALLED HANDS. MY DIAGNOSIS IS THAT YOU

THESE SO-CALLED HANDS. MY DIAGNOSIS IS THAT YOU SUFFER FROM SEVERE PARANOIA.

MY DIAGNOSIS IS THAT YOU SUFFER FROM SEVERE PARANOIA. OH, NO, THOSE HANDS ARE REAL.

SUFFER FROM SEVERE PARANOIA. OH, NO, THOSE HANDS ARE REAL. AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

OH, NO, THOSE HANDS ARE REAL. AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU LOOK MIGHTY FAMILIAR!

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU LOOK MIGHTY FAMILIAR! I WANT A SECOND OPINION, DOC!

YOU LOOK MIGHTY FAMILIAR! I WANT A SECOND OPINION, DOC! WELL, MY ASSOCIATE,

I WANT A SECOND OPINION, DOC! WELL, MY ASSOCIATE, DR. SLUGGO, ALSO SAYS

WELL, MY ASSOCIATE, DR. SLUGGO, ALSO SAYS THAT YOU ARE CRAZY

DR. SLUGGO, ALSO SAYS THAT YOU ARE CRAZY AND YOU'LL NEED A LOBOTOMY.

THAT YOU ARE CRAZY AND YOU'LL NEED A LOBOTOMY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ONCE AGAIN, THE B-52s. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE, "DANCE THIS MESS AROUND" PLAYS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE, "DANCE THIS MESS AROUND" PLAYS] [♪...]

♪ REMEMBER WHEN YOU HELD MY HAND? ♪ [♪...]

WHEN YOU HELD MY HAND? ♪ [♪...] ♪ SAID, REMEMBER

[♪...] ♪ SAID, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE MY MAN? ♪

♪ SAID, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE MY MAN? ♪ [♪...]

WHEN YOU WERE MY MAN? ♪ [♪...] ♪ WALK, TALK IN

[♪...] ♪ WALK, TALK IN THE NAME OF LOVE ♪

♪ WALK, TALK IN THE NAME OF LOVE ♪ ♪ BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART ♪

THE NAME OF LOVE ♪ ♪ BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART ♪ ♪ THINK IT OVER ♪

♪ BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART ♪ ♪ THINK IT OVER ♪ ♪ YEAH, ROLL IT OVER

♪ THINK IT OVER ♪ ♪ YEAH, ROLL IT OVER IN YOUR MIND ♪

♪ YEAH, ROLL IT OVER IN YOUR MIND ♪ [♪...]

IN YOUR MIND ♪ [♪...] ♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪

[♪...] ♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...]

♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...] ♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪

[♪...] ♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...]

♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...] ♪ OH, YES, AND WHY DON'T

[♪...] ♪ OH, YES, AND WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪

♪ OH, YES, AND WHY DON'T YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪

YOU DANCE WITH ME? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...]

♪ I'M NOT NO LIMBURGER ♪ [♪...] ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪

[♪...] ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪

♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪ ♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪ ♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ WELL, THEY DO

♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ WELL, THEY DO ALL 16 DANCES ♪

♪ WELL, THEY DO ALL 16 DANCES ♪ ♪ THEY DO THE SHU-GA-LOO ♪

ALL 16 DANCES ♪ ♪ THEY DO THE SHU-GA-LOO ♪ ♪ DO THE SHY TUNA ♪

♪ THEY DO THE SHU-GA-LOO ♪ ♪ DO THE SHY TUNA ♪ ♪ I DO THE CAMEL WALK ♪

♪ DO THE SHY TUNA ♪ ♪ I DO THE CAMEL WALK ♪ ♪ DO THE HIP-O-CRIT ♪

♪ I DO THE CAMEL WALK ♪ ♪ DO THE HIP-O-CRIT ♪ ♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY,

♪ DO THE HIP-O-CRIT ♪ ♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY, FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY,

♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY, FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪

FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S TIME

HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪ HEY!

TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪ HEY! SO DON'T THAT MAKE YOU

HEY! SO DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH?

SO DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH? HUH?

FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH? HUH? SAY, DOESN'T THAT MAKE

HUH? SAY, DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER?

SAY, DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER? WHAT YOU SAY?

YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER? WHAT YOU SAY? WELL, I'M JUST ASKIN'.

WHAT YOU SAY? WELL, I'M JUST ASKIN'. COME ON!

WELL, I'M JUST ASKIN'. COME ON! [♪...]

COME ON! [♪...] ♪ SHAKE! ♪

[♪...] ♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ BAKE! ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ BAKE! ♪ ♪ SHAKE! ♪

♪ BAKE! ♪ ♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ BAKE! ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ BAKE! ♪ ♪ SHAKE! ♪

♪ BAKE! ♪ ♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

♪ SHAKE! ♪ ♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪ ♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪

♪ EVERYBODY GOES TO PARTIES ♪ ♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ WELL, THEY DO

♪ THEY DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ WELL, THEY DO ALL 16 DANCES ♪

♪ WELL, THEY DO ALL 16 DANCES ♪ ♪ THEY DO THE COO-CA-CHOO ♪

ALL 16 DANCES ♪ ♪ THEY DO THE COO-CA-CHOO ♪ ♪ DO THE AQUA-VELVA ♪

♪ THEY DO THE COO-CA-CHOO ♪ ♪ DO THE AQUA-VELVA ♪ ♪ I DO THE DIRTY DOG ♪

♪ DO THE AQUA-VELVA ♪ ♪ I DO THE DIRTY DOG ♪ ♪ DO THE ESCALATOR ♪

♪ I DO THE DIRTY DOG ♪ ♪ DO THE ESCALATOR ♪ ♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY,

♪ DO THE ESCALATOR ♪ ♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY, FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY,

♪ OH... HIPPY, HIPPY, FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪

FORWARD, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S TIME

HIPPY, HIPPY, HIPPY SHAKE ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, IT'S TIME TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪ HEY!

TO DO 'EM RIGHT ♪ HEY! FRED, NOW DON'T THAT MAKE YOU

HEY! FRED, NOW DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH?

FRED, NOW DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH? HUH?

FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW, HUH? HUH? SAY, DON'T THAT MAKE

HUH? SAY, DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER?

SAY, DON'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER? WHAT YOU SAY?

YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER? WHAT YOU SAY? I'M JUST ASKIN'!

WHAT YOU SAY? I'M JUST ASKIN'! STOP!

I'M JUST ASKIN'! STOP! ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,

STOP! ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OH... HEY ♪

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OH... HEY ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,

♪ OH... HEY ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE,

♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪

♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪ ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪

SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪ ♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,

♪ DANCE THIS MESS AROUND ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ♪ [MUSIC ENDS,

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ♪ [MUSIC ENDS, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I HAD FUN. THIS WAS GREAT. I TOLD YOU IT WAS A GOOD SHOW.

THIS WAS GREAT. I TOLD YOU IT WAS A GOOD SHOW. THIS IS CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS A GOOD SHOW. THIS IS CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

THIS IS CONGRESSMAN ANDERSON. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. I THINK.

NOW YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. I THINK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE...]

I THINK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE...] [♪...]

[♪...]