Original subtitles

[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

I'm a little teapot, scalding hot.

Here is my handle.

Here... - Sorry, sorry.

I just really don't want to do the credit card commercial.

But this always works.

What if I become an exception doing something else?

Like, um...

like a master class on hand acting.

Handing out a check for a dirty job.

[mysterious music]

Putting an end to it and finally

signing the divorce papers.

The death of a wise elder.

[whispering] Protect the girl.

Receiving upsetting news from the henchman.

Got away, boss.

♪ ♪

Making sure he drinks the poison.

♪ ♪

That's not going to make you an exception.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Do the credit card commercial.

They're woke, and they're called Cha-Ching,

and representation matters.

Sure.

And I think I actually made a good point earlier.

No.

All these men and their numbers.

There's just too many cocktails.

Ah, yes.

Big banks need your voice, because, like,

if not you, then some person

who's not gonna advocate for change or rights.

And did I mention representation matters?

They're funded by ExxonMobil.

Oh, my God.

[sighs] Julio, I'm trying.

OK, I've got another gig,

but it's a big kahuna.

It's for a superhero produced by Zappos.

Another remake.

I mean, would I even have a chance

for something like that?

The superhero thingy?

Of course you do. - [sighs]

What does one need to get cast in those things, anyway?

To, like, be a superhero?

I don't know.

Like, a shit ton of followers,

rock hard abs, and a rhinoplasty.

Ugh, see?

Wow,

Slay,

Courage,

Brave,

Bravocity.

Those are their names?

Well, I slayed Gramore's entire army

with the sword of wisdom

while Maverick was cowering in the command center.

[dramatic music]

Stay victorious. Stay victorious.

I never imagined myself playing a superhero.

Stay victorious.

This character, a down-on-her-luck historian,

ends up reading the Constitution backwards.

Now I guess she can shoot lasers out of her eyes.

She's supposedly bisexual,

which is addressed by

a little rainbow flag pin on her jacket,

digitally deleted in select foreign markets.

The movies are a billion-dollar industry,

but I'm not in the movies.

I play her in the theme park.

Welcome to the Superhuman Universe,

presented by Zappos.

[bright music]

We've got Madame Victory.

♪ ♪

Stay victorious.

Hey, Madam Victory.

Must have hurt when Gramore struck you with the axe.

Not as much as it hurt him

when I destroyed his entire army.

I went to Juilliard.

Uh, can we...

I had to move back to Florida

because my mother got sick.

I kept thinking I should write

and make opportunities for myself as an actor,

but this job was so uninspiring.

I was so tired of dealing with Madame Victory's fans,

who you would think were mostly kids,

but were, in fact, grown-ups with jobs

and driver's licenses

and back-of-knee sweat and prescriptions.

It was all so tedious...

until I met Carl.

Hi. Afternoon, Madame Victory.

How's your day going?

Well, I slayed Gramore's entire army

with the sword of wisdom

while Maverick was cowering in the command center.

[chuckles] That's so awesome.

I just wanted to say thanks for all that you do.

Carl is bisexual, like Madame Victory.

He's hung up on this idea that Madame Victory represents him,

that her existing makes his existence easier,

that the films, the merch, the park, the brand...

that it's all a form of social progress,

of activism.

He sparked something in me,

something that made me want to write again.

I wear as part of, you know, the medallion holders' perks.

His passion is overwhelming.

I couldn't get enough.

When the park is actually closed,

but those are some of the times

when I want to come to the park the most, actually.

And I wish that I could come to the park

on Thanksgiving, a lot.

Um, but yeah, I just didn't feel like I belonged before.

And now I do, thanks to you.

Stay victorious.

Carl is a manager at a Best Buy nearby

but spends all of his free time at the park.

I got his full name from his credit card...

Scrambled eggs and hash browns, please.

While I was serving him at my second job.

Hi.

He did not recognize me.

He could only see Madame Victory,

and I could only see him.

Hey, YouTube.

Welcome to Carl's Collectible Corner

with me, Carl.

Have we got a figurine for you.

This is the...

He's worked as a manager at Best Buy for seven years,

but keeps applying to be a manager

at the Superhuman Flagship Superstore inside the park.

Working for the Superhuman Flagship Superstore

has been a dream of mine for quite some time,

but once again, I heard back that they are

unfortunately not taking team members

at the managerial level.

An important part of the application

is a little essay portion where applicants

are supposed to tell their unique story

to, well, sell themselves.

My story wasn't unique or impactful enough,

and that's OK.

I'm staying victorious.

[soft music]

Now, my thoughts about the incredible

Dr. Danger Easter... ah, fuck.

♪ ♪

So how are you doing, mortal?

Me?

Oh, staying victorious.

That's good.

Life's challenges can be very draining.

Yeah.

I wish I was like you.

Hey, what did it feel like when it seemed like

you weren't going to be able to defeat Gramore?

I was really fucking sad.

I stayed victorious. [laughs]

You were so clever.

When you realized Gramore had the victory bell

inside of his meteor, which was equipped with

an anti-power shield, you relinquished your power

so that you could infiltrate as a regular human.

That was so smart.

Yeah, right.

When life knocks you down,

it's time to get smart,

even if that means surrendering something

you think you needed.

Yeah, yes.

So taking a page from Madame Victory,

I will not be giving up.

Instead, like her, I will relinquish my power

as a manager and be applying for

an entry-level stockroom position.

It was a significant pay cut from salary back to hourly.

And what's worse,

Carl did not excel in the stockroom.

His hours were cut gradually,

and after months, he was let go.

I want to thank you

for following me along on my journey.

You all have been so helpful.

He was told that his story was simply not unique enough.

Carl, wait.

I obviously disagreed.

A movie?

Or a play or a short.

I thought we could just brainstorm

and see where the writing takes us.

I think you have a really compelling story,

Carl, and I mean it.

So you would play me in this?

No, I don't think so.

I think I'd play myself or a version of myself.

It's really hard here as an actor in Florida.

You have to create your own opportunities.

You can't just sit around waiting for an audition.

And I know that you really like storytelling,

so I thought, why not try?

I can't act.

Oh, that's OK.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Let's just focus on the writing.

Maybe I... or the character that's like me...

could be unique.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, he is.

So elaborate on that.

Or maybe your character,

she's special, but she doesn't know it yet.

OK.

Yeah, she thinks she just, like, works at a theme park,

but part-time, she's an archaeologist,

and she goes on a dig,

and she finds the Constitution,

and then she reads it backwards,

which gives her powers.

Like... like Madame Victory?

Well, like, yeah.

Maybe there are no superheroes.

What do you mean?

Like, it's real people.

Yeah, it's real people until one day...

No, no.

Sorry to interrupt, but no.

What if there are no superpowers at all?

Well, then Superhuman Studios won't like it.

Yeah, well, we're not making this for them.

What do you mean?

This is not for that company.

I don't understand.

Think of the core reason why you like those stories.

- They inspire me. - Great.

What do they inspire you to do?

They inspire me to watch the movies.

OK, what do the movies inspire in you?

They inspire me to get inspired.

This is really good.

If we can wow them,

we could become high power executives

and shape the Superhuman universe.

No, Carl. No.

Look at me.

Put that out of your mind.

Ignore them. OK?

There's a whole other world of stories.

Stories like mine?

Yes, yes.

That you want for yourself

because you think you have no story?

I know you think you're just a waitress in Florida

and that your story is not unique,

but you are special, OK?

And if you work hard enough and you try and you persevere,

you, too, can work for the Superhuman Studios.

Stay victorious.

So yeah, they want you for "Super Chico,"

"the first queer, 5'8" Latinx superhero

on a straight-to-streaming series.

Hell! Hell on Earth.

Julio, your new social media consultant is here.

She's helped many people get exceptions

by making them famous on social media.

Hi.

OK, so...

Oh, God.

Uh-huh. So can we talk about

the kind of content that we'd actually post?

I booked you an exercise class

so you can get fit for the superhero role.

Also, your food delivery has not arrived.

[indistinct chatter]

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[sighing]

[chiming]

[buzzing]

[chiming]

Excuse me, sir.

Do you know...

[gasps] Oh, my...

girl, not my car driving.

Julio.

Damn, I didn't even know you was in here.

My bad. I got sleepy.

And when I get sleepy, I go to bed.

♪ ♪

Uh, hi.

Uh, my food didn't come, and I had to leave.

Can we reschedule? No worries if not.

[echoing] No worries if not,

no worries if not, no worries if not...

Ugh. What is going on?

What?

You picked it up so long ago.

Edwin, where is the food?

The customer is furious.

No worries if not.

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

[sobbing]

Excuse me.

What?

What is this?

A bus stop.

And then I was tagged in a photo of me

with a tummy roll, and I know he saw it,

so then it had to end,

and now I have to start from scratch.

And it's like, I'm too old to try the acting thing again.

And fuck!

And I'm literally peeling off a layer of my skin

right now, hoping that I can see someone new underneath.

And it's like, I'm trying desperately

to find out what my Venus is, but there's a paywall.

And I don't have an account.

And I hate accounts.

And it's just, like, cut.

[cell phone ringing]

I sound so stupid, but it's like, you know,

the whole world sees me as this mean,

crazy, vapid bitch

that just makes everything worse.

And I just feel like I'm...

a scared person with real problems

who just wants love.

Who am I?

So, like, which is it, you know?

God, I'm... I'm sorry.

You had a question.

- Uh, yes. - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Um, what is proof of existence?

What?

What is proof of existence?

It's... it's your thingy.

The what?

It's your... it's your thingy.

How... how do I get one?

What do you mean?

They just give it to you.

You just go to the app, and then you put in your social

and your credit score and...

I don't have that.

Don't have what?

Any of that.

Well, can you use your parents?

You know, I had to use my parents' address

after Charles dumped me.

What do my parents have to do with it?

Oh, well, do you have your own Charles?

[laughing]

Sorry, I'm just... [sighs]

I do know that they do this thing for people

that are, like, from abroad.

They make an exception, but like,

you need to be, like, a thing.

So what do you do?

Delivery.

Hmm.

OK.

Well, do you have any skills?

Like, skills?

When I was in Mexico, I was...

what is the name?

Like, I made clothes.

Oh, like a tailor or a designer?

- Yeah. - That's huge.

What kind of stuff did you make?

I made the dress.

No, you mean to say, I made a dress.

No.

I can show you.

[mysterious music]

See?

You made that?

Yeah.

You made the dress?

Well, it's a really bad picture.

What color is the dress?

Is it black and blue, or is it white and gold?

I mean, which is it?

I don't like that question.

It's like, just let the dress be.

It's...

OK. Well, which color is the dress?

It's both.

What?

♪ ♪

It's both.

♪ ♪

It's both.

♪ ♪

It's both.

What are you doing tonight?

[chiming]

[vocalizing]

Today is the day.

All: Unlikeable people can't be believed!

Unlikeable people can't be believed!

To be honest, Dodo's coming off

as a little bit unlikable.

And it's not looking good.

Not looking good.

I'm sad.

Oh, fuck.

Pirulinpinpina.

She made me a TikTok.

That was fast.

I feel like I need me a Pirulinpinpina.

[scoffs] Well, she's not cheap.

All these basic little influencers

have the same house...

the TikTok house.

♪ ♪

Seems to me like an ocean of beige...

beige walls, beige people, beige carpeted floors

as far as the eye can see.

The TikTok house is actually 80% kitchen island.

In fact, some say architects start

by finding a kitchen island in the wild

and simply building around it.

Potato chips, Wendy's, whey...

they all thrive on the kitchen island.

If you're lucky, you'll even get to see

a kitchen archipelago.

And that right there

is where they keep the cardboard...

the cardboard that brought the whey.

This is the sectional.

It snakes through the entire home and goes out the door,

some say to infinity.

Just don't look behind the couch.

That's where the cords live...

cords that will never be untangled.

A countdown clock to Thanksgiving,

a refrigerator with Netflix, a toilet with Facebook,

a child with Amazon in his eyes.

All right!

Buddy, are you ready to drop the phone and get jumping?

We were just doing intros.

My name is Derrrick... three Rs.

I've been a coach here at Jumpers for two years.

Any first-time jumpers?

Julio, this is your first time.

Tell us something about yourself.

I'm Julio.

Nice, man. Nice.

All right, let's get jumping.

Whoo! Yeah.

Flick those wrists. Here we go.

Here we go.

Hey, get those knees up.

Here we go.

We're gonna burn so many cals today.

Y'all looking like fire.

Excuse me.

Um, Derrrick?

Um, I can't jump rope.

Well, let's teach you, then, right?

Let's start with a basic jump first.

Relax your wrists.

Yeah, you got it.

Excuse me, Derrrick.

I don't got this.

Well, relax your wrists, then.

- Uh, I'm already relaxed... - Well...

- Is the thing. - It's all good.

Flick your wrist.

Just do a little flick.

This is awful, awful, awful, horrible.

Why do I have to jump rope at all?

Because this is a jump rope class.

Right, but why is it a jump rope class at all?

It's a great workout.

No, I understand why jumping is a great workout.

Right? [laughs]

But I can just jump without the rope, right?

[tense music]

Well, no, I mean, you need the rope.

Why can't we just jump up and down with no rope?

♪ ♪

I'm asking a legitimate question.

Like, if we were to hypothetically jump in place,

wouldn't we be burning exactly the same amount of calories

and getting the exact same workout?

If it's about the wrists, I'll just flick my wrists.

Well, no, I mean, you need the rope.

[laughs] - Why?

OK, so children jump rope because it's a game to them.

Exactly.

We're having fun today, right, y'all?

This is fun!

Like, you're kind of struggling with it.

Just... just drop the rope. - I agree.

I don't need the rope. - Tara?

You don't... just drop the rope.

You don't need the rope.

Tara, jump.

Jump with the rope, with the rope.

Jump rope, jump rope.

- Just drop the... - Tara, Tara.

- Don't. - Come on, Tara.

Jump. - You don't need the rope.

She doesn't need the rope.

And I don't need the rope.

And you know it, and you're just

too scared to admit it.

Listen, man, it's just, like, not how it is.

You're going against something that's been happening

for, like, centuries.

Why are you so obsessed with it?

Because if you keep pulling at this thread,

everything collapses,

and suddenly, there's no God.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[camera clicks]

Did you take the photograph, Richard?

Snap the pic?

Yeah.

Excellent, Richard.

Well done.

[dramatic music]

Now the caption:

"Looking for twinks to suck."

OK.

And suck them, I will...

of their life, their youth.

Everything is going according to plan, Richard,

with the help of this mighty tool,

this Grindr oracle.

You will lure in young prey for me.

Once they are here expecting to be sucked by you,

they will be sucked by me of their beauty, their energy.

One by one, they will fall.

And once I am sufficiently fed,

I will once more walk the Earth

as a three-dimensional Pomeranian,

imprisoned by this hex no more.

Yeah.

Richard, don't interrupt.

How many naive, young little things

are on their way to be sucked, not by you, but by me,

of their beauty and their energy?

Um, none so far.

Richard, you feckless imbecile!

You purchased this cursed portrait,

so this burden is yours.

Send more heys quickly, at once.

Deploy your charms, Richard.

Bring me youths!

[notifications chiming]

Someone's typing.

Excellent!

Oh, at long last, I will be free.

The prophecy will be complete.

It says, "Sorry, man.

You're cute, but I'm not into it."

Do you think it's the picture?

No, can't be.

This is your best shirt.

So he's not coming, though?

He will not be sucked by me?

No.

Sorry.

[sighs] Perhaps it won't be today.

Perhaps it won't be tomorrow.

But one day, I will be free.

You know, type that.

Tell him that.

Type as I say.

Perhaps it won't be today

or tomorrow...

No, perhaps it won't be tomorrow.

There's beauty in the parallel there, Richard.

God.

Fuck's sake.

Perhaps it won't be tomorrow...

Yes.

But one day, I will...

Be free. Come on. Type it.

What are you waiting for?

[notification chimes]

Bibo, there's two ends of the necklace...

a left and a right.

No, take your left and put it into the loop.

Into the loop.

The middle loop.

The only loop.

Bibo, look at the necklace.

The end of the left into the loop.

No, the end of the left into the loop.

No, no. Bibo, calm down.

Jesus.

You know, let's... OK, let's...

let's maybe take a break from this project.

It's OK.

I'm sorry my programming has failed you, Julio.

That's OK, Bibo.

Oh.

Am I still getting paid today?

Yes, Bibo.

Yay! Payday!

Um, is that all you wanted to ask?

Also, Bibo wishes to be an actor.

OK.

So obviously, Bibo will need a raise.

A r... you want a raise to be an actor?

No, so Bibo can take acting lessons to do stuff like this.

Mama, Mama, do not get on the train.

Please, Mama.

OK. Yeah.

I think... I think lessons would be good.

And headshots and a trainer.

Ooh, and a Soho House membership

to mingle with industry insiders.

Also, I'm going to need time off work.

So you want a raise and time away from work

so you can pursue acting within work hours?

And a promotion.

A promotion to what?

To head Bibo, or no, Bibo manager.

Great.

From here on, you are head Bibo.

Wait, no.

Associate Bibo manager and a raise.

[cell phone ringing]

Fire alarm.

No. Incoming call.

Thank you, Bibo.

I knew it.

Hello.

Aloha.

Zappos called about the superhero thingy.

They wanna meet with you.

OK, great. Great, great, great.

'Cause I've been getting in shape by jumping a lot.

In shape for what?

Well, to play the superhero.

Oh.

Juli...

they don't want you for the part.

[doorbell rings]

No, they... they want you to cowrite it.

OK.

Otherwise, it looks bad

if only some Kevins and a couple of Brians

are credited on "Super Chico."

Cowriting is not gonna get me an exception.

How about this idea?

How about Super Chico discovers that what people actually need

isn't rescuing from some alien

that wants to destroy planet Earth,

but what people actually need is for these corporations

that come up with these inspiring stories

to pay their fair share in taxes so that people

can have stuff like, I don't know,

health insurance?

No.

[dramatic music]

Sorry, baby, but you can't get an exception to proof

with ideas like that.

Also, no luck getting you the biopsy.

♪ ♪

I talked to every shady doctor in the biz,

and they all say they simply can't do it

because it's a birthmark,

and they don't want to get sued.

There's always the credit card commercial.

♪ ♪

I'll take it.

Vanesja?

Miss Vanesja?

Your bill.

Just charge it to the account.

What is the issue?

- I... - Ugh.

There is no account.

Vanesja.

♪ ♪

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

Ah, yes.

Just one drop, and he'll be gone for good.

Oh, hello. Hi.

I'm just fixing you a drink.

You should... which one was it?

Which one?

Yes, here.

I bet you'll find it quite exquisite.

[laughs]

[gulps, coughs]

♪ ♪

[bright tone]