Original subtitles

- Previously, on "Danger Force"...

I think someone is stealing all of the moms in Swellview.

- We are running out of time.

If you can't hack into the Man's Nest,

the entire plan will fail.

[crashing]

[all shouting]

- Now!

- This was a setback. He is coming.

all: Long live The Cell.

- What's wrong with you?

- I'm in love with Credenza.

- Did you flush out any information about her son?

- Goodbye, Danger Force.

Enjoy Captain Man's funeral.

- [groans] - Captain Man is Ray,

your mom's new boyfriend. - Dude!

- And Lil' Dynomite is Credenza's son, Buddy Fudgers.

- So you find me any hot rocks in the Man's Nest diamond mine?

- I found something you could take a look at.

It's some kind of cave drawing.

- The prophecy was right. He is coming.

- When's the last time anybody had eyes on Schwoz?

- You will spend your days building this.

- Ooh, fun! An evil device.

I built it real nice.

[device powering up]

[upbeat music] [all cheering]

- Yay, Schwoz! - Ha, yes!

Are we sure we defeated The Cell, though?

- We're sure Schwoz did.

Yeah! - Yes, yes, thank you.

I am Schwoz, defeater of The Cell.

- Yeah, you are. [all cheering]

- Yes, but just 'cause we made a banner

and put Schwoz in the dancing chair,

that doesn't mean we defeated The Cell!

- That's exactly what it means. [all agreeing]

- If you don't celebrate your victories,

they don't count. - That's right. They don't.

- Pretty sure Schwoz caught a couple of bodies on that one.

[laughs] [music stops]

For legal reasons, I'd like to clarify that was a joke.

- And relax, Mika.

What, you really think those stupid Cells are

dusting themselves off, going,

"Ooh, we gon' get them there Danger Forces!

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!" [all groaning]

- "We gon' get them there Danger Forces!

Pew, pew, pew, pew" is how Captain Man is probably

making fun of us right now.

- Yeah, sounds just like him.

- Does this go in the recycling or do we just, uh--

- It doesn't matter.

It all ends up in Lake Swellview.

[clattering] - Uh, false.

I have an extensive sorting process.

- Number 24601,

you are literally dumping everything into

the same container.

- Also false-o.

Hey, while I gotcha here--

[all stammering] - Inappropriate!

- Can we talk about maybe giving me a lower number?

- Put your mask back on, Jeff. We're supposed to be anonymous.

- Can you believe this guy?

- You're lucky we let you into The Cell.

Now put your mask back on and clean up this mess.

- Hold on a sec.

My morning started with an everything burrito

and she's kind of backing up on me.

[belches loudly]

[all groaning] - Ugh, barf!

- What is that, methane? - All clear.

- Why did we let him in again?

- His brother Mitch is both rich and has a TV show.

We might need him someday.

- In fact, we know Danger Force lives in Swellview.

So they must attend Swellview Junior High.

- Hmm. Number 24601.

- That's--that's me, right? - This guy.

- Let's talk about getting you a lower number.

- [laughs] Yeah!

[upbeat music]

And that's why I think that you should buy

Swellview Junior High. That's all I have to say.

- Well, that's all you said.

You came in here, ruined my show,

kicked Tribbie in the shin,

burped up an everything burrito,

said 17 words and then you just stopped.

- Stop criticizing me! You're just like Mom!

- I'm working through it!

Why would I want to buy Swellview Junior High?

- 'Cause you hated school.

Think about all the kids out there just like you were:

bored, lazy, forced to learn. - [shudders]

- You never learned anything

and you're the richest guy in Swellview.

Buy that school, Mitch.

[voice breaking] Save those kids.

- I'll do it.

For the kids. - For the kids. [sniffles]

- Hey, dude, are you crying? - No!

- Ugh, you're just like Dad.

- I know and I'm working through it!

[clattering]

* *

- I just bought your school!

[students cheering] - Money!

- I'm confused.

- Me too.

- I'm always confused.

- I'ma get money first.

Then I'll be confused.

students: Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch!

- You're welcome! [students continue chanting]

- It all just kind of happened.

[overlapping chatter]

You get that?

- * Danger *

[vocalizing]

* *

* Danger! One, two, three, Force! *

- We look amazing.

- You've been posing for hours.

[all shouting at once]

- That's right, keep walking, Schwoz.

Keep walking.

- I don't care who owns this school,

I have a perfect GPA and I'm going to keep it that way.

- The entire concept of ownership is

an unnatural construct forced on us by colonizers who--

- All right, everybody, stop thinking.

- Not a problem.

- [sniffing]

Is that reading I smell?

Gross! - [gasps]

- Now, I don't know

what we were supposed to do in class today--

- Uh, take a test on the Battle of Bunker--

- [makes fart noise]

[laughter]

- We were all thinking it.

- Hey! What'd I just say about thinking?

- Ooh, ooh! You, uh, said, "Okay, everybody,

stop thinking." Then you smacked my book

and made a fart sound like this.

[makes fart noise] - Yeah, very good!

That was an A+ Stinky Supreme Deluxe.

- [squeals] I've never gotten one of those before.

- Well, that's 'cause you've never been to

Mitch School before. - What is Mitch School?

- Well, why show ya when I can...

show ya! [chuckles]

All right, now, who is the dumbest kid in class?

- Oh, me, me! It's me.

- Ooh, well, congratulations, you big dummy.

You just graduated. - Really?

- Yeah, you did! Now get out of here.

Go take on the world and get yourself a J-U-B.

["Pomp and Circumstance" playing]

- Bose is absolutely not ready to graduate.

- You know, that is exactly what

the "teachers" told me for nine years.

- You went to this school for nine years?

- Yeah. [grunts]

It was the worst ten years of my life.

Which is why I bought the school,

so you little puppers don't have to suffer like me.

- That's a surprisingly empathetic response.

- "Empathetic"?

There will be no fancy-brain words here at Mitch School.

And from now on, the wrong answers are the right answers.

Pop quiz, hot shot.

What's two plus two?

- Uh, doody poopy fart noise?

- Yeah, it is!

All right! Here at Mitch School,

every time someone gives the wrong answer,

chicken nuggies will rain down from the sky.

all: Nuggies!

- There will be brightly colored soda in

the water fountain and the toilets.

Shoes are optional,

but flip-flops are highly recommended.

- Nuggie fight!

[students laughing]

- It's only been one day and the smartest kid in class

is already giving in to the Mitch way.

- In two weeks, Danger Force will be too dumb to fight

even the simplest of crimes. [laughs]

- Dumber than cavemen. [laughs] Up top.

- Sorry, Grog. I didn't see you there.

- Shouldn't matter, man.

- Instead of insulting Grog and his people,

maybe you should be busy preparing for your test crime

at KLVY. - Yeah, about that.

I've got traffic court later today so--

- Shut up and get back to work, Jeff.

- Hey, Grog, just so you know,

one of my friends growing up was a caveman.

- [grumbling angrily]

* *

- Doohickey. - Doohickey, chef!

- Thing-a-ma-bob. - Thing-a-ma-bob, chef!

- Schnoozle stumps. - Schnoozle stumps, chef.

Man, I don't get why I gotta say "chef"

every time I had you something. - It's a sign of respect,

which you owe me for leaving me in that Cell cave

for two weeks! - Yeah, but--

- I ate my own boogers to survive

just so I could steal these blueprints.

So help me build it!

- Bose said they had a meal service in there.

- Yeah, but everything had cilantro in it

and I'm a super taster. - Super taster.

Right, yeah, no, boogers were your only option, sure.

Why we even building this thing?

- Because I want to find out what they were up to.

- They're not up to anything!

They're stupid and probably ugly.

Unlike me, right, Schwoz? Come on, man.

It's been like 10 minutes since somebody gave me a compliment.

- [deep voice] Hey!

Mika home.

School good.

- You sound different. - Mm.

- Uh... - Uh, okay.

- Ah, no meat this bone!

- All right, yeah.

Um, where's everybody else?

- [high-pitched voice] Behind you.

- [chuckles in stuffy voice] You said "behind."

- [giggles] Behind.

- "Behind" does also mean "butt"

but why are you all acting so strange?

- [chuckles] You said "butt-butt."

[chuckles] [beeping]

[tube whooshes]

- Sorry I'm late.

My assistant messed up my calendar and I went to

the wrong restaurant for my lunch meeting.

- What in the holy name of Tom Selleck's mustache

is going on around here?

- Did you not hear? I--I graduated.

- Oh, mazel tov. - No, I did not.

- Yeah, already got a job.

Six figures, benefits out the wazoo.

Don't see my family much anymore--

- Wazoo! Wazoo! - [chuckling]

[alarm blaring] - [grunts]

- All right, that's an emergency call

so we're gonna have to unpack whatever this is later.

- Heh, "unpack." [giggles]

- Oh, my god. Let's just chew this thing and do this thing.

- You said "do."

- What is the joke here, guys?

'Cause I'd really like to be part of this bit,

but honestly, I don't get it. [gumballs clattering]

- [giggles] - Hey, Chapa.

Gumballs. [both laughing]

Hey, Ray.

I just hit you with my gumballs.

[laughter] - [grunting]

* *

- This just in: we're being robbed.

- By a man with a cactus.

- Stop news-ing and give me all your cash.

- Do you accept credit cards? - [winces]

- Of course I do. I'm a modern criminal.

It's just gonna ask you one final question there.

- Is this screen asking me to tip you?

- Well, whatever you think is fair.

[card reader beeps]

- Coming at you live, it's the fabulous fi--

where are the other three? [banging on door]

- I think they're confused by the door?

- Uh, pull it. - No, push.

- You gotta jiggle it. - She said "jiggle."

- Looks like several members of Danger Force

are having trouble getting through a simple door.

- Come here.

- I am Doorholio!

- You guys are late. We already got him.

- Oh, no.

So he, like, got you? - What?

- Looks like a classic miscommunication here.

- Hopefully this gets cleared up soon.

- I'll save you.

- Ah!

- [chuckling] - [groans]

[laughter]

- Whoa!

- Slight misfire there.

- Let's see how they recover.

- Please stop helping.

- ShoutOut help!

[clattering] - Oh!

- Thanks again for your generosity.

- Ow!

- Ouch! - Ah!

- Ow!

- Ouch! - Ah!

- Ow! - Ouch!

- Ah! - The plan is working.

- Danger Force is too dim-witted to fight crime.

[all laughing]

- [panting]

Mm, mm.

Did you guys see me on the news?

Did I look cute?

all: Shut up, Jeff!

- Would a "good job, Jeff" kill ya?

I mean, who raised you guys, cavemen?

[all gasp]

- [gasps] Grog! - [wailing]

- When I say "cavemen," I don't mean you!

- Jeff, come on, man! - Now, Jeff.

You know better than this! - He tries really hard.

- Oh, my god. Just stop catching it.

- Something is very wrong with Danger Force.

- Yeah, very wrong.

[crashing] - Ah!

Oh, right on my head!

[rock music]

* *

- Good morning, my little Mitchies.

Who's ready for another day of Mitch School?

Hold up, Frandon.

There are no books allowed in Mitch School.

- This book is good book. Kid Rock write book.

- Ah, it's his "auto-ba-wit-da-bah-ography."

There is a bowl of beef jerky on my desk

with your name on it. Go knock yourself out.

- Yeah, beef!

- After school, we get snack nuts?

- Sorry, champ. I have a late meeting.

Hey, Mitch, can I get in your ear for a second?

- Well, well, well, if it isn't the graduate.

A-what is up, a-my dude?

- My company's stock since I joined.

[both laugh]

But that's not the point.

I've noticed that my friends are getting a lot...

dumber.

- Dumpster.

- I am Dumpholio. - [chuckles]

- [crunching] These snack nuts too hard.

- See?

- She's eating rocks.

What's the problem? That's hilarious.

- Sure, that's hilarious, but Mika used to be so smart.

She was in Mensa. - [grunts loudly]

- Sorry, "wo-Mensa." - [grunts]

- You got a problem with how I'm running Mitch School?

- I thought I made that pretty clear.

- Hey, kids.

Suit here--

that's your new nickname, by the way, Suit--

Suit here's got a problem with how I'm running Mitch School.

[students grunting] - Sticks and stones.

Those could break my bones.

[screams] - [laughs]

Yeah, you better run!

Nobody's shutting down Mitch School.

High five.

- What mean "high five"?

- Wow, you kids are getting scary dumb.

- [grunts] - Kay.

- High five. - All right.

Careful of the rock.

* *

- And then they had sticks and stones.

- Those could break your bones!

- Hey, light.

Wait a minute. So Mitch Bilsky

bought your school and now ShoutOut,

Volt, and AWOL are too dumb to fight crime?

- He made all the kids so stupid that

I'm now the smartest kid in Swellview.

- My god. - Ay!

- We should pop gumballs and think about this.

- [snaps] Good idea. Let's chew and stew.

[dramatic music]

[bubbles pop]

* *

- Ooh, whoo!

- And now, simply to stew.

- Hmm. - Hmm.

- Hmm. - Hmm.

- Hmm? - Ah?

- Hmm. - Hmm.

- Oh, my god!

Here's what you should do. Ugh!

When kids don't use their brains for

an extended period of time,

their neural pathways start to degrade.

- Pfft, yeah. Everybody knows that.

- Then how come you didn't say it?

- I didn't want to interrupt, duh.

This guy.

- The only way to restart their brains is

to punch some sense into them. - [mumbling]

Yeah, no, I was gonna say that.

- Okay, smarty pants.

What tool do you need to use to

punch some sense into their tiny, empty heads?

Hm?

- Bose, take it.

- Uh-- those boxing gloves you just pulled out of--

- Gloves you just pulled out of the cabinet.

No, I was gonna say that too. - That's right.

- I am on fire today-- - Fire today! Yeah, me too!

- These Brain Boppers are loaded with a smart serum.

When they impact a child's head,

the serum will repair the neural pathways

and make them smartsies again.

- I'm not really in the business of

punching kids, Schwoz.

- Oh, these things won't hurt them.

And it'll look funny.

- Oh, yeah, if it's funny I'll totally do it.

- Ha!

- Let's be sure to punch Mika, Miles, and Chapa first--

- [mumbling] And they can help us!

Yeah, guys, I love you but I really wish

you'd stop talking over me.

* *

[fire crackling]

- [giggling] - [chuckling]

- Snack nuts!

[dramatic music]

- Ding-dong.

- Huh? - [chuckles] He said "dong."

[groans]

- Schwoz was right. That was funny.

- Yeah.

- What are you guys doing here?

- Ugh, and why do my teeth hurt?

- You've been eating rocks, darlin'.

- That was a poor decision on my part.

- Looks like these gloves work.

- What happened to the school?

- Mitch Bilsky happened.

Now, here, put on these Brain Boppers,

blow a bubble,

and let's go punch some kids.

- [grunts] - [gasps]

- Not him. - No!

- Keep it elevated. - Okay, um--

- Can you get him some ice? What's the matter with you?

- Just remember:

pinch the sides to and fro,

roll it up,

bur-ri-to!

* *

Wow, this tire smoke's really messing you kids up, huh?

- Yeah, well get ready for this smoke.

- Hey, that's the teachers' lounge.

- Well, we're about to teach you a lesson.

- Ah! My skin!

* *

- Fire jump!

[dramatic rock music]

* *

* *

Sorry about that. Had to be done.

- Sorry we had to Brain Bop you guys.

- But you had all been Mitch'd.

- You okay, Frandon? - I think so.

- What does E equal? - MC squared?

- [sighs] He's right.

It's the theory of relativity. - Rela-menela--correct.

What she said. But also what I said, so.

Both answers are acceptable. - Okay.

You should all go home and get some sleep.

Come back tomorrow ready to learn.

- Come on, guys.

My mom's got the biggest minivan in town.

- Ooh.

[students chanting] Frandon's mom! Frandon's mom!

Frandon's mom!

- Frandon's mom! Frandon's mom!

- Frandon's mom is married. - Mm, challenge accepted.

- Wait! Learning is boring!

Mitch School rules! Come back!

- Sorry, Mitch, but we're taking you to jail.

[all talking at once]

- No, you're not.

Ain't no law about buying schools and making kids dumb.

- Ah, jeez, he's right!

- The law fails us once again.

- Yeah, and plus, I'm rich.

Yeah, rich people don't go to jail.

They just go to Dubai!

[phone beeps]

- Man, what's it like to be rich?

- It's pretty great.

But Schwoz says we gotta go back to the Man's Nest.

He's almost done building that evil device

from the blueprints he swiped off The Cell.

- Why is he building their evil device?

- I don't know. You know Schwoz.

You know, you put something science-y in front of him,

that big ol' brain's just gonna science it right up.

- They're going to build it for us.

[evil laughter]

- What a bunch of beaver brains.

Total cavemen, am I right?

[laughter stops]

Grog's right behind me, isn't he?

- No. He's right in front of you.

- Ah! - [growling]

- Dude, Grog, I--I-- I didn't mean it like that.

- [neck cracking] - I--I--I swear.

- [growling] - Ah! My body parts!

[crashing]

* *

- And done.

- What is it?

- There's only one way to find out.

[switch clicks]

[device powering up]

[bell dings]

[apprehensive music]

* *

- It's a pancake.

- Common misconception.

This is actually a flapjack.

- Why would The Cell go through all that trouble

just to build a machine that makes pancakes?

together: Flapjacks.

- I don't know.

- It looks like these blueprints are incomplete.

- What? - Yeah, they just end.

I bet there's a second page somewhere.

- Maybe I left the second page back with The Cell.

- You find that second page,

I'll bet this device gets a lot more evil.

- [gasps]

Guys, I just realized... this is no flapjack.

- [gasps]

[ominous music]

- It is a pancake.

- You scared me!

[all shouting]

* *

- * Always on the scene in the nick of time *

* The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine *

* I'm okay *

* I'm okay! *

* Danger *

[vocalizing]

* *

* Danger! One, two, three, Force! *

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