All language subtitles for Alias.Smith.and.Jones.S01E11

Pardon me for staring, sir,
but is that a human tooth?

Name's Rosewood, ma'am,
Oscar Rosewood at your service.

And it's a real human
tooth, yes, ma'am.

It belonged to my late
departed wife of 27 years.

Upon her untimely
passing, I extracted it myself,

to be worn as a memento of the sweetest
little woman ever wore shoe leather.

How fascinating.

It's disgusting.

Oh, Prudence, there's
no need to be insulting.

I said disgusting, and
disgusting's what I mean.

A body up and dies, she's
got the right to be buried.

All of her.

Could we change
the subject, please?

Maybe if we
introduced ourselves?

It's my pleasure, ma'am.

Joshua Smith, and my
name is Thaddeus Jones.

How do you do?

I'm Leslie O'Hara,

and this is Miss Chapman
and Mrs. Palmer, our chaperone.

How do you do?

We're from Philadelphia.

Philadelphia, Ireland?

No, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

I was born in Dublin, though.

Oh.

What're you doing way out here?

Oh, we came to take
a look at the Wild West.

I hate to disappoint you,
but it's not like that anymore.

You couldn't be safer
in your own backyard.

Oh, well, I wouldn't
say that, Joshua.

Why, it wasn't more than three weeks
ago we were on a stage that was held up

by a band of very desperate men.

Do you mean that
could happen to us?

Well, it can happen to you, but it couldn't
happen to us, not twice in three weeks.

(GUNS FIRING)

NARRATOR: Hannibal
Heyes and Kid Curry,

the two most successful
outlaws in the history of the West.

And in all the trains
and banks they robbed,

they never shot anyone.

This made our two latter-day
Robin Hoods very popular

with everyone but the
railroads and the banks.

CURRY: There's one
thing we gotta get, Heyes.

HEYES: What's that?

CURRY: Out of this business.

LOM: The governor can't come
flat out and give you amnesty now.

First, you gotta
prove you deserve it.

Ah, so all we have to do
is just stay out of trouble

till the governor figures
we deserve amnesty.

But in the meantime,
we'll still be wanted.

LOM: Well, that's true.

Till then, only you, me and
the governor will know about it.

It'll be our secret.

CURRY: I sure wish the governor
would let a few more people

in on our secret.

NARRATOR: Alias Smith and Jones,

starring Pete Duel
and Ben Murphy.

SQUINT: Throw down
that shotgun real slow.

You people get
out of that coach!

Keep your hands in the air or
else you get your head blowed off.

Now, throw down those mail bags.

All right, line up.

All right, boys,
empty out your pocket.

Is that all the money you got?

(MUTTERING)

Why, you stingy old thing, you.

All right, turn around.
Get up against that coach.

(URGING HORSE)

They're gone.

Oh, Margaret, are
you all right, my dear?

Yes. All right,
everybody in the coach.

Aren't you gonna do anything?

Yes, ma'am. Just as soon
as we get to Mill Forks,

I'll make my
report to the sheriff.

But that'll take hours.

He'll never catch up with them.

You call yourselves men?

Letting those tramps take your
money and get away scot-free?

Oh, I'd be ashamed of myself.

Oh, now, Leslie,
that's no way to talk.

I'm sure that they'd do
something... Miss O'Hara,

there's no sense in our risking
our necks for a few dollars,

especially when they
got us outnumbered.

There were only three of them.

Oh, Miss O'Hara, there were
six. Three men and three guns.

Not to mention the
ones they took from us.

How come you're all set on
chasing after them, ma'am?

Didn't notice them taking
anything belonging to you.

There's a letter addressed
to me in the mail bag.

How would you know that?

Because I mailed it.

And it's very important.

I hate to say this, Miss O'Hara,

but your chances of getting that
letter back aren't worth a plug nickel.

I'll pay $100.

Did she say she'll pay $1,000?

Yeah, I think so.

A hundred, $100.

Those men looked
real mean to me.

We wouldn't go after them
for five times that amount.

Like I said, I'll pay $500.

Unhitch the front two.

COACHMAN: I'll do it right away.

(ALL WHOOPING)

That'd be four for
you. There's seven.

I figure we got about $20,000.

HEYES: That sounds
like a nice round figure.

(COCKING GUN)

CURRY: Easy, drop it.

Now, just get up on your feet, nice and
easy, and lean up against that tree limb.

Where is it?

Where's what?

The letter.

What letter?

The letter addressed
to Leslie O'Hara.

We don't care nothing about
no mail. We didn't even look at it.

(COCKING GUN)

Find it.

See, I told you.

You know, I bet the bank'll be willing to
pay a pretty nice reward for this money.

Yeah.

Wrap up that money
and put it back in the bag.

And while you're at
it, all these letters, too.

That's good.

Okay, boys, back
up against the tree.

Now, you owe us some money.

Why, you stingy old thing.

There's nothing but
hundreds in here.

Well, ain't that enough for you?

Now, there's a matter of my ten and
his four. See, that was personal money.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, good night.

Wonder why he kept
staring at you like that?

What, the one with derby? Yeah.

Maybe he just liked me.

I think he recognized you.

No, that couldn't possibly
happen to us twice in three weeks.

I got it!

What? I know who
he was. Kid Curry.

I knew I'd seen him before.

And that other one
must be Hannibal Heyes.

Twenty thousand dollars.

Well, I must admit, I never
expected to see any of this money.

And if ever I can do anything
for you, just say the word.

Well, sir, the... The reward?

A reward?

Oh, well, of course you
are entitled to a reward,

but since this money was stolen

while in the possession of
the United States mail service,

I'm afraid you're gonna have to look
to the government for your reward.

Good morning, gentlemen.

And thanks again.

Remarkable! I want
to thank you both.

You know, such bravery
and integrity is remarkable.

If there's ever anything I can do for
you, you just let me know, you hear?

Leslie, I don't want
to seem like a...

But don't you think it's about time we
started thinking about going back home?

Absolutely not.

But there's nothing we can
do now that the letter's gone.

She's right, Leslie.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Who is it? Joshua Smith.

Oh, look, they've got it back.

Oh, come on in.

Ah, it's wonderful.

Good to see you.

I'm so grateful to you both.

Did you have much trouble
getting it from those men?

Well, nothing we couldn't
limp away from, ma'am.

You said $500, ma'am.

Certainly.

And it seems little enough
after all you've done.

Of course, you'll have to wait a
couple of days for your money.

The letter of credit from Margaret's
bank won't be here until then.

But as soon as it's here...

What are you doing?

Well, it's what the banks
call collateral, ma'am.

But that letter's
addressed to me.

If you don't give it back to
me, I'll have you arrested.

Oh, please, listen
to me. Please.

Give me the letter. I'll give
you the money, I promise.

You'll get the letter
when you've paid for it.

Look, I have
something to tell you,

I just have to be sure I
can trust you, that's all.

Leslie, don't you think...

I'll confide in you
if I think it's safe.

You owe us $500, and you're fretting
about whether or not you can trust us?

Leslie, don't tell them.

I will.

By all means, do. You
have our undivided attention.

All right. That letter describes

where an army paymaster
buried a $100,000 payroll

right near here
during the Civil War.

You have just lost
our undivided attention.

(EXCLAIMS)

Ma'am, now, there
are all kinds of rumors

about letters floating
around these parts,

and most people just don't
pay any attention to them.

But this one's different.

HEYES: They always are.

But this one really is!

What side was the
paymaster from?

He was on the
Union side, I think.

You think?

I hope you're prepared
to find a lot of little pictures

of Jefferson Davis
on your money,

if it's there at all.

It's there.

It's United States currency,
and we're going to get it.

But we can't do it alone.

We have to have someone
take us there, help dig it up,

and see that we're
not robbed afterwards.

Fifty dollars a day,

and when the money's in a
safe place, 10% as a bonus.

Well, $50 a day,
that sounds nice,

but 10% of $100,000
Confederate dollars,

that's kind of depressing.

If you're so sure it's Confederate
money, I'll change the deal.

Oh, you be generous, ma'am.

Take your choice.
10% of the money

or $500 each, whatever we find.

That's after the letter of
credit arrives, of course.

This ring will
guarantee your money.

It's worth over $1,000.

May I? If necessary,
I can prove it.

Huh.

Okay, you got a deal.

But if you don't mind,
we'll take the $500 a piece

and not the
percentage, Miss O'Hara.

Oh, you can call me, Leslie,
now that we're partners.

Can I have the letter, please?

No, thank you, Leslie.
But now that we're partners,

I'll just guard it with
my life if you don't mind.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Evening, Mrs. Palmer.

Mr. Treadwell.

May I present my companions,
Miss O'Hara and Miss Chapman.

How do?

And their friends Thaddeus
Jones and Joshua Smith.

PRUDENCE: Deputy
Sheriff Ira Treadwell.

Mr. Treadwell pulled me from
the path of a runaway buckboard

this afternoon in front
of the general store.

Figured if I saved her life, least she
could do is accept an invitation to supper.

And I did.

I'm sure you gentlemen will
watch out for the young ladies.

Good night.

Night. Night.

Night.

(CHIMING)

Four, please.

Where's the sheriff? I
got to see the sheriff.

Inside.

No! Wait!

You're going the wrong way!

Thank you.

Sure you wouldn't
like to come sit down

and enjoy some of
these good beans with us?

You're a considerate
man, Mr. Jones.

Thaddeus.

Yes. Thaddeus.

(SIGHING) But I'm
afraid I'm not hungry.

As a matter of fact, I'll be glad
to be able to stand up for a while.

Yeah, saddles do take
a little getting used to.

A few more miles, though,
you'll be doing just fine.

It's easy to see you're
no stranger to horses.

My father had his
heart set on a boy.

He gave me a boy's name, taught
me how to ride and handle a gun,

and face the fact that the world is
run by the people, for the people.

The people meaning
men, not women.

I loved him very much.

I'd be willing to make a wager that
your father had his heart set on a girl.

I never knew him.

He died before I was born.

I'm sorry.

(HORSE NEIGHING)

What's that?

Who's that? The sheriff?

I don't know.

Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry,

I arrest you in the
name of the law.

You've made a mistake, Sheriff.

No mistake, Prudence.

Why, they're notorious outlaws,

wanted in four different states.

Oh, I don't believe it.
They took the money back.

Outlaws wouldn't have done that.

No, but Heyes and Curry would.

There's a rumor they're
trying to play it straight.

Well, what they
did fits that rumor,

and the description fits them.

Tie them up, Ira, and
put them on their horses.

They're worth $10,000 apiece.

Yeah?

Mr. Treadwell.

Deputy Treadwell?

(EXCLAIMING)

I'd like to have a word
with the prisoners.

I'm sorry, miss,
but I can't let you.

Prudence was quite positive
that it'd be all right with you.

She speaks so highly of you.

I'd only be a few minutes.

Well, it'd be all right with me,

but the sheriff has rules
about visitors and such.

Oh, I'd be quite willing to abide
by the rules. What are they?

Well, most important one

is that all visitors
has to be searched.

See, otherwise, they might
bring guns to the prisoners.

Course, most visitors
around here are men.

Well, if the rule is to
search, search me.

I promise I won't breathe a
word to Prudence about this.

Look, miss, do you give
me your absolute word

you ain't got a gun hid
anywhere on your person?

I promise you, I haven't got
a gun on or off my person.

All right.

You can stay for 10 minutes.

Oh, thank you, I
do appreciate it.

Down at the end.

Evening, Thaddeus, Joshua.

Or is it Hannibal and Kid?

You were right the first time.

I hope you're not
too uncomfortable.

Be a lot less uncomfortable if you
figure a way to get us out of here.

I'd get you out if I
could. I just can't.

I came for my letter.

She came for her letter.

Oh.

You still have it, don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I still have it.

You got our $500?

What good is
money to you in here?

Can't argue with that, Joshua.

Can I have the letter? Please?

If you want it bad enough,
you'll get us out of here.

Look, my name is on that
envelope. I can get that sheriff...

(SHUSHING)

No, you don't want him to
know what's inside that envelope.

That money's not yours. It belongs
to the United States Government.

Unless it's Confederate
money. Then it belongs to you.

First, you get us out of here,
then we talk about the letter.

But I don't know
how to get you out.

Well, work on it.

Where there's a profit
involved, I have a hunch

that you can just
about work anything out.

Yes, who's there?

Speak to you, ma'am?

Evening, ma'am,
my name is Brown.

Do you mind if I come in?

Of course I mind.
What do you want?

Well, I been hearing about the
trouble you run into this morning,

and I figured I might
be of some help to you.

You can get them out?

Ma'am?

Those men in jail, you
can break them out?

Oh, no, ma'am, I couldn't do
anything immoral or dishonest like that.

No, folks are saying that you ladies
might want to do some prospecting.

Well, I can't guarantee what you
find, but I can sure help you look

and keep you from getting lost.

Hmm.

Well, we do need someone.

Look, I can't give you
an answer right now.

Can you come back
tomorrow morning?

Yes, ma'am, I'll be here bright
and early. And I sure do thank you.

LESLIE: (IN SING-SONG
VOICE) Deputy Treadwell.

Yes, what is...

I'm sorry to wake you
up twice in one evening,

but I've got to speak
to the prisoners again.

You can do that without
pointing a gun at me.

I know. I just want to talk to
them somewhere else this time.

You mean you think you're
going to bust them out of here?

That's just what I mean.

That ain't easy.

Unless you brought
some dynamite with you.

Just the keys
to the cell will do.

That key ain't here.

It's never kept here except
when the sheriff's here,

and when he's
here, it's locked up.

Otherwise, it'd be too easy for
people to do what you're doing.

Don't lie to me, Mr. Treadwell.
Just unlock the cell.

I ain't lying.

A woman pointing a pistol at me
scares me more than five outlaws.

If that key were here, I'd
give it to you, and that's no lie.

Well, let me in there, then.

(GASPS)

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

He says he hasn't got the keys
to the cell. Could that be the truth?

Sounds reasonable.

Don't!

Would you just point that
thing back at him, please?

Bullets bounce.

You know, you try
to shoot that lock off,

one of us could end
up with a bullet in him.

All you'd succeed in doing
would be jamming the lock

so they'd have to
saw the door open.

That's all right,
though, Leslie.

You just kindly ask the deputy
there to loan us his pocket knife

and also that little letter spike
that's sitting on his desk out there.

Just do what he says.

Huh? Oh, yeah.

(STUTTERING) The pen knife. Oh.

Okay.

Right. Here.

Thank you.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

LESLIE: You're a very
attentive listener, Joshua.

I think you know enough about
me now to write my biography.

Almost.

I don't know any more about
you than I did the day we met,

except that you don't
trust people much.

You apparently look like an
outlaw named Hannibal Heyes.

Well, trust is something
people have to earn.

And I wouldn't know if I look
like Hannibal Heyes or not.

I've never seen the man, and
there aren't any pictures of him.

Isn't that a coincidence
that you and Thaddeus

should fit descriptions of a
couple of outlaws that run together?

It sure is.

You really are Hannibal
Heyes, aren't you?

That's why you were so anxious
for me to spring you from prison.

Leslie, do I ask you
personal questions like that?

No, you don't.

But I'm a naturally curious
person. I can't help it.

Anyway, I wanted...

Why did you do that?

To shut you up.

Our friends over there
are trying to sleep.

Oh, an Indian raid
wouldn't wake them.

Come on, admit it.

He's Kid Curry and you're...

Five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.

What is it now? To the right? Turn
right at the tree and seven paces.

One, two, three,
four, five, six.

The rocks. Okay, now, what
happens? Rocks to the left.

Left at the rocks.

Ten paces, ten.

One, two, three, four, five.

Well, according to this,
you've got another five paces.

According to this, you've
got another five paces.

Heads.

You know, wait a minute. You know,
people just don't bury money underwater.

But according to the map,
the water should be over there.

Probably was when
they buried the money.

Five paces.

Five paces.

One, two, three, four, five.

(THUDDING)

Got it!

(EXCLAIMING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I don't believe it.

Oh, how marvelous!

Look out, look out, look out.

All right. Good.

Now, let's have a look at
the Southern playing money.

I had no idea Confederate money
looked exactly like U.S. money.

Or did Jefferson Davis
have a black beard?

You sure you wouldn't like to
reconsider your original proposition?

10%?

Five hundred dollars a
piece, that was the deal.

One, two, three, four, five.

One, two, three, four, five. Ha!

Well, I believe you owe us
$500 more for retrieving the letter.

SQUINT: Everybody,
up with your hands!

Well, I'll say one thing,

you folks go prospecting,
you sure know where to look.

(MAN LAUGHING)

Now, if you'll just...
You'll take that money

and put it back in them
bags, I'll be much obliged.

Find their guns.

All right.

Hey, wait!

Oh, let her go. There ain't
nothing she can do to hurt us.

Round up their horses.
We'll take them with us.

And there won't be nothing
they can do to hurt us, either.

(URGING HORSES)

Whoa! Whoa!

Where are they going?

All right, men, let's go.

Hold on. Treadwell?

Yeah? What's the matter?

My horse is coming up lame.
You go ahead. I'll catch up.

Look at them go.

When them horses stop running,

that posse'll double back, so we got to
get rid of this cash and get out of here.

You remember this tree.

And you remember these rocks.

(URGING HORSE)

Let's move. Come on.

(WHINNYING)

You lost your shoe!

Hey, look, a railroad track.

I am staying right
here till a train comes.

Sure wouldn't
advise that, ma'am.

This is only a spur line. May not
be a train along here for weeks.

How can you possibly know that?

From the rust on the rails.

We walk?

Not necessarily.

(HEYES LAUGHING)

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

I'll... I'll say goodbye now.

I gotta get back to Mill Forks
in time to cook Ira some supper.

You sure this is what
you want, Prudence?

Law enforcement officers are
notoriously underpaid, you know.

Someday you'll learn that love is
more gratifying than greed, Leslie.

Soon, I hope. Goodbye.

Bye. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

CONDUCTOR: All aboard!

Goodbye, Thaddeus.
Bye-bye, Leslie.

Goodbye.

Joshua, will you help me?

Of course.

Thaddeus.

I... I really hate
to see you go.

Have you ever
been to Philadelphia?

Uh-huh. Once.

Did you like it?

It's kind of dusty,
but it was nice.

Would you consider
seeing it again

with me?

I can't, Margaret.

It's not that I don't
want to, I just can't.

Is it because you
really are Kid Curry?

Margaret, whenever
you think of me,

I want you to remember me as a
law-abiding citizen named Thaddeus Jones,

who likes you very much.

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

CONDUCTOR: Aboard!

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Thaddeus.

What's the matter, Heyes?

Leslie O'Hara leaving without
the money. That's what's the matter.

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

You know, Maggie,

I've been sitting here
feeling rather strange.

About what?

About going home.

And I suddenly realized why.

I like it better here
than I do in Philadelphia.

There's so much more space.

For the first time in
my life, I really feel free,

and I'd like to stay.

Do you think you could make
the rest of the trip by yourself?

Of course, Leslie.

I'll miss you very much,

but I can get along
fine on my own.

Now.

Are you sure?

'Cause if you are, I'll
get off at the next station.

I'm sure.

CONDUCTOR: Winfield,
we're coming into Winfield, folks.

Goodbye.

MAN: Bring a bag over
to the stable, will you?

Put that on the
buggy over there.

Mr. Jenson? Yes, ma'am?

I'm Miss O'Hara. Were you
able to arrange everything?

Well, I only got your
telegram this morning,

but, yes, ma'am, I got you a
nice horse with all the gear.

It's over to the
livery stable now. Oh.

Come on, I'll show
you. Thank you.

Can I give you a hand?

All right. How?

You and I have been through
some pretty hard times, Leslie,

and I've got to
know you pretty well.

Remember that girl who said she
didn't care that the money was gone?

The one who gave it all up so easily
and got on the train this morning?

She just wasn't you. Looked a
lot like you, but she wasn't you.

I can't say it isn't nice to see you
again, Joshua, 'cause it really is.

Afternoon, ma'am.

Nice day, isn't it?

Afternoon, Thaddeus.

You do recall that you
were both paid in full

and that you're not
entitled to my money?

Oh, yes, ma'am, we recall.

Just that we kind
of figured that

you might want to
reconsider that percentage

offer you made us
under the circumstances.

Oh, reach for your guns,
gentlemen. Hello, friends.

Oh, good afternoon, Miss O'Hara.

You know, I'd just about given up
on you till you hopped off that train,

and then I knew that my
job was just about over.

HEYES: Your job?

Oh, that missing payroll
has been an open subject

on the Treasury Department's
books ever since the end of the war.

We found out about that letter,

and we traced it to
the man it was sent to.

The one you took it
from just before he died.

Why, that lonely old man
was almost like kin to us.

When he knew he was gonna
die, he gave us the letter. It's ours!

So is the money!

The rightful owner
of stolen property

is the one it is stolen
from, Miss O'Hara.

Well, how do we know that you're
really from the Treasury Department?

Well, you're gonna have
to take my word for that.

It's as good as gold.

Only it ain't negotiable.

The money, please.

Well, let's talk
about the reward.

Well, I mean, it was lost
money, and we found it.

You can't tell me the
government doesn't owe us

a sizeable hunk of
what's in those sacks.

Well, that's an
interesting point.

It might even have
some merit in it.

Why don't you all come
down? We're gonna talk about it.

Oh, and bring the money
along with you, please.

Ten percent is the
customary figure...

Please.

"Dear Leslie,

"someday I'm sure
you'll forgive me.

"You are young and beautiful,

"and you'll get along just fine.

"I am not young anymore,

"but I was fortunate
enough to meet a fine man.

"And we need the
money more than you.

"Don't try to find us.

"Deputy Treadwell

"and I are going where we
can enjoy our September years

"safely and anonymously.

"Your loving friend, Prudence.

"P.S. Ira had to leave
"the posse that day.

"He saw you and followed you.

"I knew you'd be
curious about that."

Can I have that letter, please?

No, ma'am, I'm gonna
need this for evidence.

Um...

Guns.

Thank you.

Prudence and Ira.

You think he'll ever catch them?

I hope not.

Why? So you can get there first?

That's not a bad idea.
I didn't think of that.

Hey, I've got a fabulous idea.

Why don't the
three of us take off?

Whatever we get, I'll give you
a percentage of what... With...

No, huh?

What I'd like to
do is go to Denver

and get ourselves some
good, honest work for a change.

Right, Denver is
a likeable town.

Well, so long,
Leslie, and good luck.

Are you walking off with $1,500 in
your pocket that you got from me,

leaving me here
alone without a dime?

Yep.

Kid Curry and Hannibal Heyes
would have done something like that,

but I thought you
two had more class.

How would you like to go
to Denver with us, Leslie?

Well,

if there's anything I do
better than spending money,

it's spending
somebody else's money.

I'll get my horse.
I'll be right back.

I'll take heads. All right.