Original subtitles

�[Stand by R.E.M. playing]

[bicycle bell ringing]

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� NOW FACE NORTH

� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK �

� NOW FACE WEST

� THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� NOW FACE NORTH

� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK �

� NOW FACE WEST

� THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �

� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �

� STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE �

� SO STAND

[birds chirping]

[breathing deeply]

[snorting]

[snoring]

OH, WHAT? OH, OH. HELLO, QUEEN ELIZABETH.

HEY, YOU LOOK VERY REGAL TODAY.

HEY, WHY DID YOU JUST THROW THAT BRICK

AT THAT CONSTRUCTION WORKER?

AFTER ALL YOU GOTTA EXPECT SOME CAT CALLS

WHEN YOU SHAKE IT DOWN THE STREET LIKE THAT.

EVEN IN HIS SLEEP HE EMBARRASSES US.

SHH. FRED,

YOU KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS TO WAKE HIM

WHEN HE'S SLEEPWALKING.

I LOVE TAKING THAT CHANCE.

[clears throat] OH.

OH, HI, MA. HI, DAD.

OH, DAMN.

IT WASN'T AS GOOD AS LAST THE TIME

WHEN WE HAD TO PRY HIM DOWN OFF THE CHANDELIER.

WELL, I, UH, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT HERE OR WHY,

BUT, UH, WHO CARES.

[laughs] I GUESS I SHOULD BLURT OUT THE REASON

I'M AS GIDDY AS A SQUIRREL IN CONVENIENCE STORE.

I'VE FINALLY SAVED UP ENOUGH MONEY

FOR MY BIG TRIP TO THE BIG CITY.

WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY, BOY?

THE BIG CITY WILL CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT LIKE A WAD OF HORSEMEAT.

YES, IT'S HORRIBLE THERE.

ALL THE PEOPLE JUST BUSTLE RIGHT PAST YOU,

AND THE LADIES ARE PAINTED UP LIKE DIMESTORE HUSSIES.

OH, YOU WON'T BE THERE MORE THAN 5 MINUTES

BEFORE YOU'LL GET SUCKERED INTO A GAME OF CHANCE

AND SOMEBODY WILL SLIP YOU A MICKEY.

ALL RIGHT, DAD, EVERYTHING'S BAD IN THE CITY

BUT EVERYTHING'S PERFECT HERE IN THE SUBURBS, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH, NOTHING EVER GOES WRONG HERE

AND WE NEVER GROW OLD AND DIE IN THE SUBURBS.

NOBODY EVER BURNS THEIR TONGUE ON A BOWL OF PEA SOUP, AND EVERYBODY HAS PIZZA OVENS.

IT'S ALWAYS JUST A PLEASANT VALLEY SUNDAY HERE IN STATUS SYMBOL LAND.

GLADYS, CAN WE AT LEAST USE A STUN GUN ON HIM?

LOOK, MA, DAD, YOU... YOU'VE KEPT ME HIDDEN AWAY FOR TOO LONG

UNDER YOUR SKIRT AND IN YOUR PANTS.

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO OFF AND SAMPLE LIFE TO IT'S FULLEST.

TO EAT OF THE FRUITED LOINS OF OUR FOREFATHERS.

WELL, I BETTER GET GOING.

I HAVE A TICKET ON THE 501 SONIC BULLET TRAIN, SO...

JEEZ, THE BIG CITY, I CAN'T WAIT. HEH.

THE EIFFEL TOWER,

THE... THE ACROPOLIS, THE... THE LEANING TOWER,

THE AZTEC RUINS.

CHRIS, NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE THERE.

[scoffs] I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY.

[scoffs]

YOU'RE BLATANTLY LYING TO ME SO THAT I'LL STAY HERE.

JEEZ, WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, A MORON?

[scoffs] BOY.

[sighs]

UH, HOW DO YOU GET THIS SECTION OF THE WALL TO OPEN?

(Fred) TURN THE KNOB.

OH. OH!

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

[man chattering on P.A. system]

[whistle blows]

WOW!

OH, BOY.

IT'S EVEN MORE MODERN AND HIGH-TECH THAN I IMAGINED.

(Chris) WOW!

[camera clicking]

OOH.

WOW!

WATCH IT.

HEY.

IDIOT.

I DIDN'T HEAR AN EXCUSE ME.

BIG FELLOW, ARE YOU LOOKIN' FOR A GOOD TIME?

NO, I JUST WANT TO STAND HERE ALL DAY AND GET JOSTLED

UNTIL MY SHOULDER SEPARATES.

OOH, A TOUGH GUY, HUH? I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT.

WAIT A SECOND.

[chuckling] OH, MY GOSH.

YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE FILTHY LICE-RIDDEN PROSTITUTES, AREN'T YOU?

JEEZ.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA GET A PICTURE OF YOU FOR MY MOM.

DO YOU MIND?

SMILE.

[camera clicks]

GREAT. THANKS A LOT.

OH, NOW I HAVE TO WASH UP. DO YOU HAVE A WET KNAP ON YOU?

PREFERABLY ONE THAT'S UNSCENTED

'CAUSE I HAVE ALLERGIES AND IT'S REALLY...

HEY, 4 EYES. YES.

WATCH THE DOG. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE DOG.

DOG'S IN THE DOGHOUSE. WHICH HOUSE IS THE DOG IN?

I'M... I'M SORRY. HAVE... HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DOG?

WAS ITS NAME POOFIE?

PUT THE $20 DOWN. THE PEA IN THE SHELLS.

WELL, OK, $20 SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF MONEY FOR 3 SHELLS AND A PEA.

BUT, THEN AGAIN I AM OUT OF THEM, SO...

THERE YOU GO.

WELL, DONE FOR THE DAY.

HMM.

[burps]

JEEZ, I'M FULL. BETTER SAVE THIS FOR LATER.

HEY, STICK-LEGS WITH A FAT GUT.

YES, THAT'S ME.

I SAW YOU STUFFIN' YOUR MUG.

HOW ABOUT A NICE COLD TALL ONE TO WASH IT DOWN.

OH, SURE, GREAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[chuckling]

UH, WAIT A SECOND.

THIS WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE BE A MICKEY, WOULD IT?

YEAH, RIGHT. I'D JUST COME UP AND GIVE YOU A MICKEY ON THE STREET.

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T WANT IT,

THERE'S A SWELL GUY OVER THERE WHO LOOKS THIRSTY.

NO. NO, NO, I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL TAKE IT. SURE, SURE, THANKS.

GEE, WHAT A FRIENDLY TOWN.

MMM. MMM!

HMM.

THAT'S DELICIOUS. IT KIND OF TASTES LIKE ROOT BEER,

EXCEPT MORE MEDICINY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, OH, OH.

[gasps]

COME ON. HEY, SON,

COME ON. GET UP OUT OF THERE, NOW. COME ON.

GO GET YOURSELF A COFFEE AND A BOWL OF STEW DOWN AT ST. MARY'S. COME ON.

OH, DON'T SIT ON ME. YOU'RE FAT.

YOU'LL SQUASH ME.

WHAT IS THIS, NOW? ACUTE PARANOIA?

I THINK SOMEBODY SLIPPED YOU A MICKEY.

NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I SPECIFICALLY ASKED ABOUT THAT.

NOW LISTEN, SON, I'VE BEEN WALKIN' THIS BEAT FOR THE LAST 25 YEARS.

I KNOW A MICKEY VICTIM WHEN I SEE ONE.

AND YOU, SONNY BOY, HAVE BEEN HAD.

AND BY THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS.

BARNEY "THE MICKEY" SULLIVAN.

SLIPS 'EM A MICKEY, MAKES OFF WITH THEIR WALLETS,

LIKE HE WAS PULLING PANTIES OFF A GROUNDHOG.

WELL, NO, MY WALLET JUST HAPPENS TO BE...

HAPPENS NOT TO BE IN THERE. OR IN...

OH, IT'S GONE.

MY WALLET'S GONE! HELP, POLICE! HELP, POLICE!

WELL, TOP ON THE MORNIN', OFFICER O'MEARA.

ANYTHING GOIN' ON HERE THAT'LL PUT ME ON THE MAP?

WELL, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED,

IF IT ISN'T, MAY EVANS, THE REPORTER FROM THE EVENING STAR.

OK, ALL RIGHT. I HAVE GOTTA KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME,

[sighs] THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

LET ME JUST RETRACE MY STEPS. NOW... NOW, I WAS STANDING HERE

AND THEN I PASSED OUT OVER HERE.

OR WAS IT OVER HERE?

OH, OH. HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS? I CAN'T DO THIS.

THIS IS LIKE TRYING TO FIND A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK.

[grunts]

I'M LIKE A RAT CAUGHT IN A MAZE.

SAY, I SMELL A STORY.

NOT AT ALL.

JUST ANOTHER KID WHO LOST HIS WALLET.

CORRECTION. A BIG FAT WALLET, STUFFED WITH ALL MY MAD MONEY,

AND MY LITTLE THIMBLE PUPPETS NAMED PATINA AND SCAPINI.

NOW LISTEN, SON,

A LOST WALLET MIGHT BE BIG NEWS OUT IN THE BOONIES.

BUT HERE IN THE BIG CITY,

THAT STORY'S AS COMMON AS A BODY ON THE TROLLEY TRACKS.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS BIG LUCK OF A TOWN.

APATHY, CYNICISM, SKEPTICISM.

WELL, I'M GONNA PUT A STOP TO THAT.

ME, MAY EVANS.

LOOK! IT'S JIMMY "STICKY FINGERS" SYPES.

I'VE BEEN AFTER HIM FOR 3 WEEKS. HE'S GOT ME LUCKY CHARMS.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SMALL EARS?

PETERSON. CHRIS PETERSON.

BUT I CAN'T PROVE IT BECAUSE MY WALLET'S GONE.

BUT I THINK MY I.D. PICTURE LOOKS SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

BOY, I'M GONNA PUT YOU ON THE FRONT PAGE. I CAN SEE IT NOW.

"SMALL TOWN BOY'S WALLET STOLEN.

CITY HANGS ITS HEAD IN SHAME"

WOW.

[people clamoring]

[door closes]

MONSIEUR WALLETBOY,

HERE IS YOUR UNBAKED PIZZA

WITH NO TOPPINGS, SAUCE OR CHEESE.

WHY DID YOU ORDER IT LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE I CAN.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

I KNEW THIS STORY WOULD BE BIG, BUT NEVER THIS BIG.

WELL, THE CITY HASN'T BEEN THIS EXCITED

SINCE THE SIAMESE PINHEADS CAME TO THE BONHAM MUSEUM.

[door opens]

[people clamoring]

WALLETBOY, WALLETBOY, CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

OH, SURE, KID. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

KYLE.

OK, TO KYLE.

K...

UM, WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE IT "TO THE KID."

I'M SORRY.

I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THOSE FOREIGN NAMES. THERE YOU GO.

WALLETBOY, THE MAYOR'S OUTSIDE.

HE WANTS TO GIVE YOU THE KEY TO THE CITY.

[people screaming]

WELL, I'M NOT SURE I'M READY TO EXCHANGE KEYS YET.

I MEAN, WE'VE ONLY BEEN DATING A WEEK.

HI!

[people clamoring]

WALLETBOY, AS MAYOR OF OUR FAIR CITY...

UH, AHEM, EXCUSE ME. ACTUALLY IT'S CALLED "THE BIG CITY."

JEEZ, AND HE'S THE MAYOR? THIS TOWN'S IN BIG TROUBLE.

IN RECOGNITION OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

OF THE LAST 24 HOURS,

I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH THE KEY TO THE CITY.

OH. WELL, THAT'S... THAT'S VERY NICE.

UM, I HAVE TO SOAK FOR ABOUT ANOTHER 5 MINUTES.

WOULD YOU BE A FLOWER DRUM SONG

AND JUST RUN INTO MY BEDROOM, PUT IT ON THE NIGHTSTAND FOR ME?

[mumbling]

WALLETBOY, J. D. WINDELL.

[snickering]

LISTEN, UH, WE'D LIKE TO SIGN YOU UP

TO AN EXCLUSIVE MERCHANDISING DEAL.

YOU KNOW, WALLETBOY DOLLS, WATCHES, RAT POISON, THE WORKS.

ALL PRINTED WITH YOUR CATCHPHRASE,

"I'VE LOST MY WALLET."

WOW! JEEZ, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING SO FAST TO ME.

WELL, I'M SORRY,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME A LITTLE TIME TO THINK THIS OVER. SORRY.

OK, WHERE DO I SIGN?

OH, RIGHT HERE.

[sighs]

IT'S THE USUAL, UH, 98-2 SPLIT.

SAME DEAL THE BEATLES GOT.

OH. YEAH. AND THEY'RE RICH, AREN'T THEY?

OH, BOY. WOW!

THIS IS ALL SO WONDERFUL. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS WERE COMPLETELY WRONG.

I MEAN, THE BIG CITY ISN'T CRUEL AND NASTY.

I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I SHALL NEVER CHANGE.

I SHALL ALWAYS BE THE... THE SIMPLE WALLETBOY

THAT YOU'VE ALL GROWN TO... TO LOVE

AND... AND TO WORSHIP.

[man sneezes]

WHO THE HELL SNEEZED?

ALL RIGHT THAT'S IT! EVERYBODY, GET THE HELL OUT!

OUT! OUT! GET THE HELL OUT!

JEEZ, YOU'RE ALL DISGUSTING INFESTED SYCOPHANTS.

GET OUT. YOU TOO. OUT!

EW! GOT YOUR INFESTED SPORES ALL OVER ME.

WHO KNOWS WHERE THE HELL YOU'VE BEEN? OUT.

LOOK AT ALL THESE INVITATIONS.

WE'VE GOT THE GOVERNOR'S OTHER BALL, THE AMBASSADOR'S RECEPTION,

THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S SADIE HAWKINS DANCE,

SANITATION COMMISSIONER'S COTILLION,

THE DEPARTMENT OF WATER AND POWER'S...

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. I'M SORRY.

I... I DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT THE SANITATION COMMISSION OR ANYTHING.

BUT, UH, THEY'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO PARTY WITHOUT THIS BEARDED LADY

BECAUSE I AM PUTTING MY BIG RUMP

RIGHT HERE ON THIS SEALY POSTUREPHONIC

AND GOING INTO A PAY-PER-VIEW HAZE.

OH, SURE.

AND WHILE YOU SIT UP HERE LETTIN' YOUR FEET GO SOFT,

ANOTHER KID'S OUT THERE WHO'S LOST HIS BIKE.

SO THEN HE BECOMES BIKEBOY,

AND YOU'RE BACK IN HICKSVILLE

TOSSIN' FISH WRAPPIN' FOR PEANUTS.

JEEZ, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY.

I GUESS THIS BEING A LOVEABLE VICTIM BUSINESS

IS MORE CUT THROAT THAN I THOUGHT.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANY CHANCES.

WHOA-HO, EVERYBODY!

[people shouting] I'M THE MOST PATHETIC DESERVING RUBE

IN THIS WHOLE BIG CITY!

AND I'M GONNA PROVE IT!

WELL, THANK YOU.

HERE'S TO YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

[people chattering]

HEY, WALLETBOY,

YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH A BIG SHOT?

WELL, I GOT A LITTLE MESSAGE FOR YOU FROM THE UNDERWORLD.

[screams]

OH! "WE LOVE WALLETBOY." AH! IT WAS A JOKE.

[all laughing]

OH, MY! OH!

OH, YOU HAD ME GOING.

JEEZ, I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE DANCED ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT UNTIL THE SUN ROSE

AND POKED IT'S YELLOW MANLINESS THROUGH THE CLOUDS.

THERE'S THE METROPOLITAN STATE BUILDING. IT'S 50 STORIES TALL.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, I... I HEARD

THAT IF YOU DROP A PENNY OFF THE TOP FLOOR THERE,

IT COULD BORE A HOLE THROUGH A PEDESTRIAN'S HEAD

AND GO ALL THE WAY THROUGH HIM AND COME OUT HIS TOE.

I BET A QUARTER WOULD PROBABLY KILL HIM.

THERE ARE THE AZTEC RUINS.

SEE I KNEW IT. JEEZ.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE

FOR A SENSATIONAL HEADLINE-GRABBIN', CIRCULATION-BOOSTING FREAK.

OH, JEEZ.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO THANK YOU

OR CALL YOU A COLD HEARTLESS BITCH.

WHY DON'T WE JUST SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE?

OH, CHRIS, I'M SORRY.

I MEAN, YOU'RE SWELL AND ALL,

BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOU I LOVE

OR THE PHENOMENON CALLED WALLETBOY.

WHO CARES? LET'S JUST MAKE OUT.

OH, CHRIS, DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW?

[sighs] MAY, THERE ARE CERTAIN QUESTIONS IN LIFE

THAT SHOULD GO UNANSWERED,

LIKE... LIKE WHERE DOES MEAT COME FROM?

AND, UH, HOW DO FISH BREATHE?

AND... AND WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 9?

IT'S 3.

[exclaims]

YOU ARE NOT OF THIS EARTH.

OH, WALLETBOY.

WALLETBOY DOLLS, WALLETBOY WALLETS, WALLET...

OH, LOOK, ITS HIM, LOOK...

(woman) WALLETBOY!

[people clamoring]

[laughing]

[people screaming]

OH, MY.

[laughing] UH, OH.

DANCING ALL NIGHT. OH!

MEETING LUMINARIES RIGHT AND LEFT,

THE CROWD CHANTING MY NAME ON EVERY STREET CORNER.

I FEEL LIKE THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET.

HEY, MAY,

TELL ME THE TRUTH.

IT'S... IT'S ME YOU LOVE, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT WALLETBOY?

CHRIS, I HAVE TO BE HONEST.

IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR GUARANTEES,

I HAVE TO SAY AT THIS POINT,

I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA.

YOU'VE JUST MADE ME THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

[phone rings]

I'LL GET IT.

[clears throat]

HELLO. WALLETBOY.

CHRIS, IT'S DAD.

[scoffs]

JUST SOME MORE BOOBS PRETENDING TO BE MY PARENTS.

UH, LOOK, MR. RICH LITTLE,

PRETENDING TO BY MY DAD ISN'T GOING TO GET YOU JACK SPIT, OK?

WELL, BEING YOUR DAD

HASN'T EXACTLY BEEN AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES, EITHER.

DAD IT IS YOU. HI!

YOU LEFT YOUR WALLET HERE, CHOWDERHEAD.

ARE YOU KIDDING? OH, JEEZ.

BOY, IS THAT A LOAD-OFF? OK, THANKS, DAD. BYE.

HEY, MAY.

[laughing]

MAY, YOU WANT A LAUGH?

I DIDN'T LOSE MY WALLET AT ALL.

NO. IN FACT, I LEFT IT AT HOME

SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

BOY! I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL EVERYBODY.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FACES ON THIS CITY.

[snickers] OH.

CITIZENS OF THIS BIG CITY, LET ME...

[people clamoring]

HAVE YOU GONE SCREWY?

WHAT? OH, PLEASE, OH...

[groaning]

IF WORD OF THIS GETS OUT ON THE STREET,

THEY'LL TEAR YOU APART LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY.

WELL, WAIT JUST A MANGY-HORSE MINUTE HERE.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY CROWD? THE WALLETBOYNIACS?

CHRIS, THEY LOVED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE A VICTIM,

NOT AN IDIOT.

WELL, GEE, UH, IF THEY FIND OUT,

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO MY FREE LIFETIME HOTEL SUITE?

HELLO, Y.M.C.A.

WELL, DAMN IT, DO SOMETHING!

JUST KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT, AND NOBODY WILL BE THE WISER.

OH, ALL I NEED IS ANOTHER SCAM

LIKE THE RINGLING BROTHER'S UNICORN.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM?

(woman) HELLO, WINNIE?

BOY, HAVE I GOT THE "T" ON WALLETBOY.

IT TURNS OUT HE'S NOT ON THE UP AND UP.

[all chattering]

[crowd chanting] WALLETBOY! WALLETBOY!

OH, THESE POOR STUPID BASTARDS.

THEY STILL LOVE ME.

IF THEY ONLY KNEW THE TRUTH,

THEY'D HANG ME UP BY MY OWN INTESTINES.

CHRIS! CHRIS!

GLADYS, INSTEAD OF WAVING THAT BIG FAT WALLET AROUND,

WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT SANDWICH BOARDS ON US

SAYING "ROB US, WE'RE OLD"?

CHRIS, WE HAVE YOUR WALLET!

WE BROUGHT IT FOR YOU FROM HOME!

CHRIS!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HE DIDN'T LOSE HIS WALLET, HE LEFT IT AT HOME.

HE'S NO HERO, HE'S A DUMB ASS.

HE'S TAKEN US FOR CHUMPS.

WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.

THOSE PEOPLE AREN'T MY PARENTS.

I MEAN, CAN'T YOU SEE, THERE'S NO FAMILY RESEMBLANCE WHATSOEVER.

I MEAN, I'M FULLY CLOTHED AND THEIR WEARING BATHROBES.

(man) GET HIM!

[people shouting]

WAIT! WAIT!

WAIT! WAIT! OK.

ALL RIGHT. SO MAYBE I DIDN'T LOSE MY WALLET,

DOES THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON?

IS IT A CRIME TO HAVE INSPIRED AN ENTIRE CITY

TO RALLY BEHIND A YOUNG BOY?

I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENED HERE.

YOU WERE ALL ONCE COLD-HEARTED, CYNICAL,

ICE-BLOODED BASTARDS.

AND NOW LOOK AT YOU.

I'VE TRANSFORMED ALL OF YOU INTO TENDER, GOD-FEARING,

PUPPY-LOVING MARSHMALLOWS

FLOATING ON TOP OF A GOLDEN CUP

OF HOT NUTRITIOUS COCOA.

NOW DON'T YOU ALL JUST FEEL THE SLIGHTEST BIT SILLY?

GET HIM!

[people shouting]

[people booing]

WAIT.

[sighs]

I GUESS THIS WHOLE TOWN IS AGAINST ME, HUH, MAY?

EXCEPT FOR YOU. I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.

DO YOU SEE AN ANGRY MOB HEADED THIS WAY?

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M SEEING.

WHAT ABOUT US?

YOU KNOW HOW I COULDN'T TELL WHETHER IT WAS YOU I LOVED

OR THE PHENOMENON WALLETBOY?

YEAH.

WE'VE ASKED THE JUDGES AND WE HAVE A DECISION.

WALLETBOY BY A MILE.

[people shouting] (man) GET HIM! GET HIM!

[scoffs]

WHAT THESE MORONS DON'T REALIZE

IS THAT I STILL HAVE THE KEY TO THE CITY.

[snickering]

(Mayor) WE CHANGED THE LOCK, IDIOT!

OH, JEEZ.

COME ON, GUYS, LET ME IN, HUH?

PLEASE! COME ON.

[sighs]

OK, FINE.

I'LL JUST WAIT OUT HERE UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR MINDS.

AND I CAN WAIT, BELIEVE ME, HO-OH.

I'VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.

[grunts]

[inhales]

[sighing]

[wind howling]