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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:03,568 �[Stand by R.E.M. playing] 2 00:00:08,207 --> 00:00:09,741 [bicycle bell ringing] 3 00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:12,978 � STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE � 4 00:00:13,045 --> 00:00:14,445 � NOW FACE NORTH 5 00:00:14,513 --> 00:00:15,947 � THINK ABOUT DIRECTION 6 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:18,516 � WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE� 7 00:00:18,584 --> 00:00:21,586 � NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK � 8 00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:23,154 � NOW FACE WEST 9 00:00:23,222 --> 00:00:25,182 � THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE � 10 00:00:25,224 --> 00:00:27,358 � WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE � 11 00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:30,294 � STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE � 12 00:00:30,362 --> 00:00:31,696 � NOW FACE NORTH 13 00:00:31,764 --> 00:00:33,331 � THINK ABOUT DIRECTION 14 00:00:33,398 --> 00:00:35,667 � WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE � 15 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:39,037 � NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK � 16 00:00:39,104 --> 00:00:40,772 � NOW FACE WEST 17 00:00:40,839 --> 00:00:42,640 � THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE � 18 00:00:42,708 --> 00:00:44,876 � WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE � 19 00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:48,346 � STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE � 20 00:00:48,414 --> 00:00:50,749 � SO STAND 21 00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:58,156 [door opening] 22 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,425 GOOD MORNING, MOMMO AND POPPO. 23 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,360 TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY FOR ME. 24 00:01:02,428 --> 00:01:04,963 EVERY DAY SEEMS TO BE A SPECIAL DAY FOR YOU, SON. 25 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:07,865 AND, FRANKLY, WE'RE GETTING PRETTY SICK OF IT. 26 00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:09,934 NO. TODAY I REALLY MEAN IT. 27 00:01:10,002 --> 00:01:13,338 GUESS WHO'S GONNA BE AT DREXLER'S DEPARTMENT STORE? 28 00:01:13,405 --> 00:01:15,640 MY SOUL MATE. 29 00:01:15,707 --> 00:01:20,344 YOU MEAN THAT WEIRD GUY IN SPORTING GOODS WHO HAS THE STRANGE STINK? 30 00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:23,048 NO. NO. WE LOST TOUCH RECENTLY. 31 00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:26,384 NO. THIS IS EVEN BETTER. NOW, BRACE YOURSELVES. 32 00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:29,254 IT'S THAT GORGEOUS SUPERMODEL SLASH ACTRESS, 33 00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:31,522 NICOLETTE PRESTON. 34 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:32,991 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 35 00:01:33,058 --> 00:01:36,460 I READ SHE WAS IN TOWN HAWKING SOME SNAKE OIL WITH HER NAME ON IT. 36 00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:39,297 IT'S PERFUME, MA. HERE, SMELL. 37 00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:41,399 [sniffing] 38 00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:43,802 [sighs] 39 00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:46,537 I'M FINALLY GONNA MEET THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS, 40 00:01:46,605 --> 00:01:47,873 OH, IT'S GONNA BE WONDERFUL. 41 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,510 [sniffs] WE'LL PROBABLY TALK FOR... FOR HOURS ON END 42 00:01:51,577 --> 00:01:53,645 AND... AND THEN MAYBE WE'LL EVEN SHARE SOME RAISINS, 43 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:57,381 WHICH, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, ARE GETTING NICE AND GUSHY IN MY PANTS. 44 00:01:57,449 --> 00:01:59,417 CHRIS, HONEY, I WOULD NEVER BE THE ONE TO CRUSH 45 00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:02,019 YOUR MOST PRECIOUS, FRAGILE HOPES AND DREAMS, 46 00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:05,257 BUT IF YOU WERE LYING ON THE GROUND ALMOST DEAD FROM THIRST, 47 00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:09,294 NICOLETTE PRESTON WOULDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO SPIT IN YOUR FACE. 48 00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:11,028 HEAR, HEAR. 49 00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,764 YOU'RE BOTH WRONG. 50 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:17,168 DON'T YOU SEE? WE SHARE A SPECIAL CONNECTION. 51 00:02:17,236 --> 00:02:20,104 ONE THAT CAN ONLY BE FORMED AFTER SPENDING HOURS 52 00:02:20,172 --> 00:02:22,307 STARING AT HER PICTURE IN A MAGAZINE 53 00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,809 OR... OR SITTING THROUGH ENDLESS SHOWINGS OF HER LATEST FILM 54 00:02:24,876 --> 00:02:26,978 UNTIL MY CLOTHES ARE ALL DAMP WITH SATURATED FATS 55 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:29,113 AND MY REAR IS ALL NUMB AND SWOLLEN. 56 00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:32,317 EW! SO MUCH FOR BREAKFAST. 57 00:02:32,384 --> 00:02:34,952 NICOLETTE'S GOT TO HAVE FELT THAT CONNECTION HERSELF, 58 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:38,155 IN HER MIND AND IN HER HEART AND... AND IN HER BLADDER. 59 00:02:38,223 --> 00:02:40,758 [whispering] I DON'T KNOW WHY THERE, BUT I THINK PROBABLY... 60 00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:42,960 WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T? 61 00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:44,796 [chuckling] OH, DAD, PLEASE. 62 00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:48,299 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BEGIN TO THINK OF THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THAT NIGHTMARE POSSIBILITY. 63 00:02:48,366 --> 00:02:50,668 LET'S JUST SAY THAT THE WORD "BLOODBATH" COMES TO MIND. 64 00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,307 NO, I'M JUST JOKING. OR AM I? I DON'T KNOW. 65 00:02:55,374 --> 00:02:58,175 WHO SAID THAT? NOT ME, HIM. WHO? YOU. PLUS TAX. OOH! 66 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,380 $5 SAYS HE'S IN JAIL BY NOON. 67 00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:09,520 [elevator bell dings] 68 00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:13,351 [scoffing] OH. GREAT. 69 00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:16,261 I'M GONNA HAVE TO STAND IN THIS LINE OF IDIOTS FOR HOURS. 70 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,496 [sighs] 71 00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:22,066 MAYBE I SHOULD JUST THINK OF AN INGENIOUS WAY TO GET AHEAD OF ALL OF THEM. 72 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,506 OH! THE HELL WITH THAT. ALL RIGHT, MOVE! MOVE! MOVE IT! OUT OF THE WAY! 73 00:03:28,574 --> 00:03:31,543 ALL RIGHT, MOVE IT! MOVE IT, JARHEAD! MAKE ROOM FOR A REAL FAN. 74 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,845 COME ON. I LIKE HER BETTER THAN YOU DO, COME ON! MOVE IT! 75 00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:36,681 OK, VERY NICE, OK, PAL, VERY NICE. 76 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,149 THAT'S GONNA MAKE AN EXCITING ENTRY INTO YOUR DIARY, ISN'T IT? 77 00:03:39,151 --> 00:03:40,685 OFF YOU GO. 78 00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:42,587 WATCH THE TOWHEAD OVER THERE. 79 00:03:42,654 --> 00:03:44,255 HE LOOKS LIKE A MAJOR PSYCHO. 80 00:03:44,323 --> 00:03:46,023 YOU POOR THING. 81 00:03:46,091 --> 00:03:47,992 [grunting] 82 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:51,162 I BET YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH LOSERS LIKE HIM ALL DAY, HUH? 83 00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:53,230 SOME DAYS ARE LONGER THAN OTHERS. 84 00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:58,603 MISS PRESTON, 85 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,238 MY NAME IS CHRIS PETERSON. 86 00:04:01,306 --> 00:04:03,474 AND I AM YOUR SOUL MATE. 87 00:04:07,612 --> 00:04:09,047 [static sparking] 88 00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,990 [panting] 89 00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,225 WOW! BOY. 90 00:04:21,293 --> 00:04:24,696 THE STATIC ELECTRICITY REALLY BUILDS UP IN THIS CARPET. 91 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,867 CHRIS, NO ONE'S EVER MADE ME FEEL LIKE THAT BEFORE. 92 00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:30,935 REALLY? WELL, IT'S ALL FOR REAL. 93 00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:33,771 I MEAN, YOU CAN SEARCH ME FOR A JOY BUZZER IF YOU WANT. 94 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:35,406 [laughing] 95 00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:36,474 [Nicolette exclaiming] 96 00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,710 YOU'RE SO FUNNY. 97 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,446 NO ONE'S EVER MADE ME LAUGH LIKE THAT. 98 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,414 WOW! 99 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:44,883 WELL, I GUESS MY FAITHFUL READING 100 00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:48,419 OF THE FAMILY CIRCUS COMIC EVERYDAY HAS FINALLY PAID OFF. 101 00:04:48,487 --> 00:04:51,022 I LOVE THE FAMILY CIRCUS. 102 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:54,625 [exclaiming] REALLY? ISN'T IT JUST FALL-DOWN FUNNY? 103 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,560 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? 104 00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:57,862 PEACH. 105 00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:00,164 MINE, TOO. YOUR FAVORITE SONG? 106 00:05:00,232 --> 00:05:03,267 BILLY, DON'T BE A HERO. MINE, TOO. 107 00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:06,237 W-WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BUGS BUNNY CARTOON? 108 00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,307 THE ONE WHERE DAFFY KEEPS TRYING TO GET BUGS KILLED BY HUNTERS, 109 00:05:09,374 --> 00:05:10,942 BUT HE KEEPS GETTING SHOT HIMSELF 110 00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:14,045 AND HIS BILL KEEPS WINDING UP IN ALL DIFFERENT PLACES ON HIS FACE. 111 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,213 YES! YES! MINE, TOO. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 112 00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:18,215 LOOK, I... I EVEN WROTE IT DOWN 113 00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,485 IN... IN CASE A SITUATION AROSE WHERE I HAD TO PROVE IT TO SOMEBODY. 114 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,621 LOOK, SEE. RIGHT THERE. NOW, MY SYNOPSIS MAY VARY A LITTLE BIT FROM YOURS, 115 00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,990 BUT I THINK IT'S PRETTY MUCH... 116 00:05:26,058 --> 00:05:27,425 WHAT ARE THOSE? 117 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:29,027 JUST SOME RAISINS. 118 00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:32,063 I ADORE RAISINS. LOOK! LOOK! 119 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:34,765 I KEEP THEM RIGHT HERE IN MY POCKET SO THEY'LL GET ALL 120 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,667 (both) NICE AND GUSHY. 121 00:05:38,703 --> 00:05:42,473 WE ARE LIKE... SOUL MATES. 122 00:05:44,109 --> 00:05:45,743 I TOLD YOU. 123 00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:48,913 NICOLETTE, COME AWAY WITH ME. 124 00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:52,650 AWAY FROM... FROM ALL OF THIS. 125 00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:55,687 BUT I CAN'T. I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WAITING. 126 00:05:57,088 --> 00:05:59,223 LET THEM ALL GO TO HADES. 127 00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:03,012 THIS IS THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME. 128 00:06:03,562 --> 00:06:05,363 TRUST ME. 129 00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:07,765 W-WHERE WILL WE GO? 130 00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,400 JEEZ, I DON'T KNOW, I... 131 00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:12,348 HOW ABOUT A RIDE IN A SPEEDBOAT? OK. 132 00:06:21,446 --> 00:06:23,014 I KNEW IT! GET HIM. 133 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:24,848 [people screaming] 134 00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:28,652 NO! NO! WAIT! FELLAS, IT'S OK. 135 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,789 WE WERE JUST RUNNING OFF TOGETHER. 136 00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:32,423 OH, SORRY. 137 00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:39,664 OH, CHRIS, I'VE NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN IN ALL MY LIFE. 138 00:06:39,731 --> 00:06:42,266 YEAH. ME NEITHER. 139 00:06:42,334 --> 00:06:44,735 I THINK IT'S TIME YOU MEET MY PARENTS. 140 00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:46,370 OK. 141 00:06:46,438 --> 00:06:50,074 CHRIS, FOR GOD'S SAKE, ABDUCTING A CELEBRITY IS A MAJOR FELONY. 142 00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:53,644 THEY'LL HANG YOU UP BY YOUR BUSTER BROWNS, BOY. 143 00:06:53,712 --> 00:06:56,280 JEEZ, MOM, DAD, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME, 144 00:06:56,348 --> 00:07:00,818 COME ON. GOSH, EVERY TIME I BRING A WOMAN HOME, YOU ACT LIKE I KIDNAPPED HER. 145 00:07:00,885 --> 00:07:06,191 OK, SO, ONE TIME I DID. BUT, COME ON, THAT WAS 3 YEARS AGO. 146 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:09,694 WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO CONVINCE YOU THAT SHE REALLY LIKES ME? 147 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,430 WELL, LET GO OF HER AND SEE IF SHE MAKES A RUN FOR IT. 148 00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:15,333 [sighing] OH. 149 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,935 OK. UH. 150 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,808 I'LL BE DAMNED. SHE MUST BE NUTS. 151 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,613 SO, MOM, DAD, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HER? 152 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:31,081 WELL, SHE'S SURE NOT HARD ON THE EYES. 153 00:07:31,149 --> 00:07:35,386 AND SHE DOESN'T STRIKE ME AS PARTICULARLY SLUTTY. 154 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:38,556 NICOLETTE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THEM? 155 00:07:38,623 --> 00:07:41,258 I'VE MET WORSE. 156 00:07:41,326 --> 00:07:43,961 NOW, I GUESS THE NEXT STEP IS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS. 157 00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:45,129 [clears throat] 158 00:07:45,196 --> 00:07:46,931 [groaning] 159 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,466 [grunting] 160 00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:50,735 [clears throat] 161 00:07:50,802 --> 00:07:53,270 NICOLETTE, WILL YOU MARRY ME? 162 00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:59,543 THAT'S IT, HE'S AIRBORNE. 163 00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:02,079 OH, YES, CHRIS, I WILL. 164 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,280 [sighs] 165 00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:06,617 HOLY TOLEDO. 166 00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,627 THANK YOU FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE. 167 00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:19,863 CHRIS, THIS IS INCREDIBLE, JUST INCREDIBLE. DO YOU REALIZE THAT? 168 00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:21,866 [sighing] MISS PRESTON, 169 00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:24,935 SURELY, YOU ARE AWARE OF THE MANY FACILITIES 170 00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,738 TO WHICH YOU COULD GO FOR THERAPY. 171 00:08:27,806 --> 00:08:29,774 WHO IS THIS BITCH? 172 00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:31,942 DON'T WORRY, HONEY, IT'S JUST AN OLD JILTED LOVER. 173 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,143 [door opening] 174 00:08:33,211 --> 00:08:35,012 OK, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. 175 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,848 MY PROSTATE FEELS BIGGER THAN A BASKETBALL. 176 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,518 LOVELY. 177 00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:42,287 BLESS YOU, ME LORD. 178 00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:46,057 I ASSUME YOU'VE HAD YOUR BLOOD TESTS? 179 00:08:46,124 --> 00:08:51,295 UH, YES, IN FACT, WE DID THEM OURSELVES AT HOME AND EVERYTHING TASTED FINE. 180 00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:52,863 DO YOU HAVE A RING? 181 00:08:52,931 --> 00:08:55,700 [laughing] DO I HAVE A RING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 182 00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:59,127 WITH THE KIND OF MONEY SHE MAKES, SHE SHOULD BUY ME A RING. 183 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:01,706 HERE, YOU CAN USE MINE. ARE YOU CRAZY? 184 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,374 THAT COULD BE HER WHOLE SCAM. 185 00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,309 AS SOON AS HE SLIPS THAT RING ON HER FINGER, 186 00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:07,645 SHE COULD TAKE OFF LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. 187 00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,214 FRED, I TRUST HER. 188 00:09:10,282 --> 00:09:13,050 BUT IF THAT SHOULD TURN OUT TO BE THE CASE, SO HELP ME, 189 00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:16,520 I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN LIKE A LITTLE BRUNETTE ANIMAL. 190 00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,724 [clears throat] 191 00:09:19,791 --> 00:09:24,695 DO YOU, NICOLETTE PRESTON, TAKE THIS BOY TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND? 192 00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,398 I DO. 193 00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:30,301 AND DO YOU, CHRIS PETERSON, TAKE THIS WOMAN 194 00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,336 TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE? 195 00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,105 I DO. 196 00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:37,574 OK, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. 197 00:09:37,642 --> 00:09:39,911 YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE. 198 00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:44,381 [scoffing] OH, YEAH, LIKE I REALLY NEED YOUR PERMISSION FOR THAT. 199 00:09:44,449 --> 00:09:48,886 OH, FRED, THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST SPECIAL MOMENT OF OUR ENTIRE LIVES. 200 00:09:48,954 --> 00:09:53,090 YEAH. WHILE I'M HERE, COULD I GET A FISHING LICENSE? 201 00:09:53,158 --> 00:09:54,959 FRED. 202 00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:57,228 COME ON, HONEY, LET'S GO HOME. 203 00:09:57,295 --> 00:09:58,930 [sighs] 204 00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:02,066 GOODBYE. GOODBYE. 205 00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:23,421 (Sharon) OH, CHRIS, I'M SORRY. 206 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:26,157 MUST HAVE GOTTEN MIXED IN WITH THE RICE SOMEHOW. 207 00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:35,233 [sighing] OH, CHRIS, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 208 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:39,437 SUCH A REFRESHING CHANGE FROM MY RAMBLING HOLLYWOOD MANSION. 209 00:10:39,504 --> 00:10:42,873 [grunting] I THINK I SPRAINED MY REAR CARRYING YOU UP HERE. 210 00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:43,874 OH. 211 00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:49,580 [sighs] 212 00:11:06,765 --> 00:11:10,067 (Nicolette) OH, CHRIS, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. 213 00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:11,936 [Chris sighs] 214 00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:16,106 [coughing] YEAH. IT SURE WAS. SORRY ABOUT ALL THE FOG. 215 00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,774 [clearing throat] I GET IT IN HERE THIS TIME OF DAY. 216 00:11:20,612 --> 00:11:23,213 [bird squawking] OUT YOU GO. COME ON. 217 00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,417 [sighing] OK. 218 00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:29,353 YOU ARE AMAZING. 219 00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:30,922 [sighs] 220 00:11:30,989 --> 00:11:34,458 NO ONE IN HOLLYWOOD COULD DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. 221 00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:37,461 REALLY? NOT EVEN ROY CLARK? 222 00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:39,930 OH, WE'RE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY TOGETHER, AREN'T WE? 223 00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:43,201 OH, YOU BET. WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. 224 00:11:43,268 --> 00:11:44,868 [laughing] 225 00:11:44,936 --> 00:11:48,272 SO, WHAT SHOULD WE DO TODAY? 226 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:51,842 WELL, HMM. I'M GONNA READ THE NEWSPAPER. 227 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,645 I'VE GOT ABOUT A WEEK'S WORTH OF CATCHING UP TO DO WITH MY FUNNIES. 228 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,808 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS. I'M GONNA READ THEM OUT LOUD. 229 00:11:56,815 --> 00:11:59,216 I HAVE A CUTE LITTLE VOICE FOR ALL THE CHARACTERS. 230 00:11:59,284 --> 00:12:03,454 SOUNDS LIKE FUN, BUT I WAS KIND OF HOPING WE COULD GO TO THE MOVIES. 231 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:05,456 WHAT? 232 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,924 I WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. 233 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:08,659 [sighs] 234 00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:11,696 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID. WHAT, DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY? 235 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:18,035 AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY COOPED UP IN HERE ALL DAY WHILE YOU READ? 236 00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:22,540 OK, SO, NOW YOU'RE COOPED UP. YOU KNOW, THIS PLACE USED TO BE FINE WITH YOU. 237 00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:26,210 IT IS FINE. BUT YOU NEVER TAKE ME ANYWHERE. 238 00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,645 [panting] NICOLETTE, 239 00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:29,913 AFTER A HARD DAY AT WORK DELIVERING NEWSPAPERS, 240 00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:32,349 I COME HOME AND I'M TIRED. OK? 241 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,086 AND I DESERVE A LITTLE REST AND RELAXATION. 242 00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:38,522 AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE DRAGGED ALL OVER THE DAMN U.S. OF A. 243 00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:41,625 WELL, I'M TIRED, TOO. I'M TIRED OF YOUR ATTITUDE. 244 00:12:41,693 --> 00:12:45,729 WILL YOU STOP NAGGING ME? ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN! 245 00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:49,200 WHY SHOULD I TAKE YOU OUT, ANYWAY? YOU NEVER DRESS UP FOR ME ANYMORE. 246 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,735 WHY SHOULD I? WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE. 247 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,171 BECAUSE I'M NOT MADE OF MONEY! 248 00:12:54,239 --> 00:12:55,999 I'M SO SICK OF THE SAME ARGUMENT ALL THE TIME. 249 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,508 YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY. 250 00:12:57,575 --> 00:12:59,243 WELL, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY. 251 00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,377 GO TO HELL! 252 00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:01,779 [exclaiming] 253 00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,147 NICOLETTE, WAIT. 254 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,549 [door banging shut] NICOLETTE, WAIT. 255 00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:07,985 AH, THE HELL WITH THEM. WHO NEEDS WOMEN, ANYWAY? 256 00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:09,386 [grunting] 257 00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:15,926 [sniffing] OH, MY. WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR? 258 00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:18,395 YEAH, DID YOUR HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTION SUDDENLY KICK IN 259 00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:22,433 AND YOU FINALLY REALIZED HOW YOU THREW AWAY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? 260 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,668 WE HAD OUR FIRST FIGHT. 261 00:13:24,736 --> 00:13:27,371 BUT YOU 2 WERE GETTING ALONG SO WELL. 262 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,974 [sobbing] WE WERE IN THE BEGINNING. 263 00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,943 BUT NOT ANYMORE. HE... HE WON'T TAKE ME ANYWHERE. 264 00:13:33,011 --> 00:13:35,846 HE'S STARTED TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. 265 00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:40,017 OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING, DEAR. 266 00:13:40,084 --> 00:13:43,120 AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO GET USED TO IT. WHAT? 267 00:13:43,187 --> 00:13:45,789 ALL THE PETERSON MEN TAKE THEIR WOMEN FOR GRANTED. 268 00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:48,926 IT'S A SACRED TRADITION WITH US. 269 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,762 BUT ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO TO THE MOVIES. 270 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:56,033 MOVIES? WHAT DO YOU THINK, HE'S MADE OF MONEY? 271 00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:59,836 "WHY, MR. FREBO, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO VOMIT." 272 00:13:59,904 --> 00:14:03,274 [squeaking] "DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, I CAN HOLD MY LIQUOR." 273 00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:04,675 [knocking on door] 274 00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:06,077 HI, CHRISSIE. 275 00:14:06,144 --> 00:14:07,611 OH, HI, PATTI. 276 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,180 I WAS JUST WONDERING IF I COULD BORROW SOME SUGAR. 277 00:14:10,248 --> 00:14:11,815 SURE. AHEM. 278 00:14:13,117 --> 00:14:15,519 HOW MANY BAGS DO YOU NEED? 279 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,787 JUST ONE. 280 00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:18,689 OK. 281 00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:20,090 [grunting] 282 00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:24,528 OH. 283 00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:25,729 [grunts] 284 00:14:25,796 --> 00:14:27,564 SO, WHAT'S NEW, BIG GUY? 285 00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:30,301 [sighing] NOT A WHOLE LOT. 286 00:14:30,368 --> 00:14:32,202 I GOT MARRIED. 287 00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:36,540 OH, WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. I THOUGHT I HADN'T SEEN YOU AROUND. 288 00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:39,476 YEAH, WELL, MARRIED LIFE KIND OF CHANGES EVERYTHING. 289 00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:41,645 I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF MY FRIENDS LATELY. 290 00:14:41,712 --> 00:14:43,980 STILL, THEY SAY THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT. 291 00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:45,882 I GUESS. 292 00:14:45,950 --> 00:14:48,118 I MEAN, IN THE BEGINNING IT WAS FINE, 293 00:14:48,186 --> 00:14:52,723 BUT, I DON'T KNOW, NOW WE'RE GOING THROUGH, KIND OF, A ROUGH PATCH. 294 00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:56,994 OH. THAT'S... TOO BAD. 295 00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:59,296 WELL, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M AVAILABLE 296 00:14:59,364 --> 00:15:01,765 IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. 297 00:15:01,833 --> 00:15:03,100 [static sparking] 298 00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:07,471 UH, UH. 299 00:15:07,538 --> 00:15:09,819 I THINK YOU BETTER BE GOING NOW. 300 00:15:11,209 --> 00:15:12,509 WHY? 301 00:15:12,577 --> 00:15:14,879 I'M NOT IN ANY HURRY. 302 00:15:30,895 --> 00:15:31,895 [exclaiming] 303 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,804 [Pat gasping] 304 00:15:40,872 --> 00:15:41,905 [door opening] 305 00:15:41,973 --> 00:15:43,374 [whirring] 306 00:15:43,441 --> 00:15:44,475 (Nicolette) CHRIS? 307 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,310 [Chris grunting] 308 00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:47,978 CHRIS! 309 00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:51,648 HOW COULD YOU? 310 00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:54,451 UH, UH, NICOLETTE, HONEY. 311 00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:57,220 SWEETHEART, POOKIE POO. 312 00:15:57,288 --> 00:15:59,557 I SWEAR, WE WERE JUST BARBECUING. 313 00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:03,861 DON'T LIE TO ME, CHRIS. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH TOGETHER FOR THIS. 314 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,797 WELL, I REALLY THINK I OUGHT TO BE GOING NOW. 315 00:16:07,832 --> 00:16:09,933 NOT SO FAST, HOME WRECKER! 316 00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:12,321 NO, REALLY, I JUST... RIGHT ACROSS THE... 317 00:16:12,336 --> 00:16:14,371 [grunting] 318 00:16:19,344 --> 00:16:21,045 OK, HONEY, SO, UM, 319 00:16:21,112 --> 00:16:23,314 MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON HERE, 320 00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:25,816 BUT... BUT I SWEAR, I-I-IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME. 321 00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,952 IT WAS JUST A MEANINGLESS LITTLE FLING. I MEAN, 322 00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:31,488 Y-YOU KNOW, IT'S PROBABLY WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. YOU KNOW, THE 7 HOUR ITCH. 323 00:16:31,556 --> 00:16:33,657 YOU CHEATED ON ME, CHRIS. 324 00:16:33,725 --> 00:16:37,394 YOU HAD AN AFFAIR IN... IN OUR HOUSE, IN OUR BED! 325 00:16:37,462 --> 00:16:39,096 [sighs] 326 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,966 OK, SO YOU MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE. 327 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:46,170 DON'T SHOW ANY WEAKNESS NOW OR SHE'LL OWN YOUR BUTT FOREVER. 328 00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:50,640 I'M SORRY, NICOLETTE! I'M SORRY! PLEASE, FORGIVE ME! 329 00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:51,876 [sobbing] 330 00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:56,547 I BEG YOU! PLEASE! WE CAN WORK THIS OUT, CAN'T WE? 331 00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:58,882 OK, CHRIS. 332 00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,651 I'M WILLING TO WORK ON IT IF YOU ARE, 333 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:03,687 BUT WE CAN'T DO THIS ALONE. WE'VE GOT TO GET COUNSELING. 334 00:17:04,188 --> 00:17:05,322 HUH? 335 00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:09,226 [snickering] I GOTTA BE HONEST HERE, OK. 336 00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,927 I THINK YOU PSYCHOLOGISTS 337 00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:13,797 ARE ALL A BUNCH OF PHONY, 2 FACED, HYPOCRITICAL EGGHEADS, 338 00:17:13,865 --> 00:17:16,366 WHO TALK PEOPLE INTO UNNECESSARY LIVER TRANSPLANTS, 339 00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:19,136 AND SECOND-STORY ADDITIONS TO THEIR HOUSES, OK? 340 00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:22,339 SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO TELL YOU ANYTHING. 341 00:17:22,406 --> 00:17:26,577 BECAUSE YOU, MY DEAR MISS FRANKENSTEIN, ARE THE ENEMY. 342 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:33,016 MR. PETERSON, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO ANY OPINION YOU LIKE REGARDING US. 343 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:38,522 AND, PLEASE UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE UNDER NO PRESSURE AT ALL TO SAY ANYTHING TO ME. 344 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:42,125 ONCE WHEN I WAS 7 YEARS OLD, WE WERE CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE 345 00:17:42,193 --> 00:17:44,127 AND I DIDN'T HAVE ANY WORK CLOTHES. 346 00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:47,964 AND SO, MY MOMMY MADE ME WEAR ONE OF HER OLD APRONS. 347 00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:51,535 [sobbing] AND IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 348 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,537 CHRIS, CHRIS. 349 00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:56,540 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD TALK ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF IN YOUR OWN TIME? 350 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:59,510 WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. 351 00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:02,513 [sniffing] OH, SURE, I'M SORRY. 352 00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:04,581 FIRST OF ALL, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 353 00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:09,487 THAT IT USUALLY TAKES YEARS TO DIAGNOSE ALL THE FACTORS IN A COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP, 354 00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:14,257 AND EVEN THEN, REACHING A PROPER CONCLUSION IS STILL VERY DIFFICULT. 355 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,192 [sighing] BUT IN THIS CASE, 356 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:19,696 I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT, UH, YOU 2 SHOULD BREAK UP. 357 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,598 BREAK UP? 358 00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:24,335 OH, IMMEDIATELY. GET A DIVORCE. 359 00:18:24,402 --> 00:18:28,739 B-BUT WHY? WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. WE SEEM TO BE SO COMPATIBLE. 360 00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,307 (Dr. Rand) I AGREE. 361 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:33,344 BUT THERE'S A MUCH LARGER, MUCH MORE IMPORTANT ISSUE HERE. 362 00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:37,915 YOU SEE, YOU ARE SIMPLY MUCH TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR HIM. 363 00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:42,720 BUT SUPPOSE WE DECIDED WE WANT TO GIVE IT ONE MORE CHANCE? 364 00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:44,555 WELL, THEN, I WOULD DO WHAT ANY TRAINED 365 00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:47,391 MARRIAGE COUNSELING PROFESSIONAL WOULD DO. 366 00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:50,694 I WOULD HAVE YOU BOTH DECLARED MENTALLY INCOMPETENT, 367 00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:52,829 BIND YOU IN STRAIGHT JACKETS, 368 00:18:52,897 --> 00:18:56,337 AND HAVE YOU THROWN INTO SOME GOD-FORSAKEN SNAKE PIT OF A MENTAL INSTITUTION 369 00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:59,469 FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIVES. 370 00:18:59,537 --> 00:19:02,406 NOW, I KNOW THAT WHAT I'M SAYING MAY SOUND HARSH, 371 00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:05,576 BUT IT'S THE LAW. 372 00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:09,512 AND I ALSO KNOW THAT IN YOUR HEARTS, YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. 373 00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:10,914 [sighing] 374 00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:16,052 SHE IS RIGHT, YOU KNOW, CHRIS. 375 00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:19,590 I AM TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR YOU. 376 00:19:21,626 --> 00:19:23,727 [sighing] I KNOW. 377 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:27,063 I GUESS IT... IT JUST TOOK THE OBJECTIVE VOICE OF AN OUTSIDER 378 00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:29,700 TO GET US TO ADMIT IT TO OURSELVES. 379 00:19:31,202 --> 00:19:33,003 I'M SORRY, NICOLETTE. 380 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,373 I'M SORRY, TOO, CHRIS. 381 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:37,741 [sobbing] 382 00:19:39,744 --> 00:19:40,825 [sighs] 383 00:19:40,845 --> 00:19:42,879 THANK YOU, DR. RAND. 384 00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:45,081 [sighs] 385 00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,583 [sighs] 386 00:19:46,651 --> 00:19:49,286 WHAT'S THE NORMAL TIP FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 387 00:19:50,187 --> 00:19:51,888 I'M IN SHOCK. 388 00:19:51,956 --> 00:19:55,559 I WAS CERTAIN THAT THIS WAS ONE THAT WOULD LAST. 389 00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:57,494 YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? 390 00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:03,500 [sighing] OK, THEN, HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS. 391 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:06,336 [sighing] 392 00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:13,543 THIS IS IT? I MEAN, DON'T WE HAVE TO SIGN SOMETHING? 393 00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:16,411 [snickering] WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF IDIOT? 394 00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:24,387 [sighs] 395 00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:29,093 NICOLETTE, 396 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,494 IT WASN'T ALL BAD, WAS IT? 397 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,797 OH, NO, CHRIS. 398 00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,706 THE FIRST COUPLE OF HOURS WERE GREAT. 399 00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,034 [chuckles] 400 00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:39,221 I'M GONNA MISS YOU, NICOLETTE. 401 00:20:39,270 --> 00:20:41,371 I'M GONNA MISS YOU, TOO, CHRIS. 402 00:20:43,908 --> 00:20:45,542 [static sparking] 403 00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:58,922 BYE, CHRIS. 404 00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:04,260 [sighs] 405 00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:06,062 OK. 406 00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:08,665 WELL, YOUR FIRST WIFE HAS JUST LEFT YOU. 407 00:21:08,733 --> 00:21:12,068 SHE'S GONE. AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE. 408 00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:14,871 BUT YOU CAN TAKE IT. 409 00:21:14,939 --> 00:21:17,874 YOU'RE QUITE A MAN, CHRIS PETERSON. 410 00:21:17,942 --> 00:21:19,576 [chuckles] 411 00:21:19,644 --> 00:21:20,877 [sobbing] 412 00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:33,129 (Chris) I RAN INTO NICOLETTE A LITTLE LATER THAT DAY. 413 00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:35,125 BY THEN WE WERE BOTH SEEING OTHER PEOPLE 414 00:21:35,192 --> 00:21:37,661 AND THE WOUNDS HAD HAD TIME TO HEAL. 415 00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:47,638 I REALIZED THAT NICOLETTE WAS A WONDERFUL PERSON 416 00:21:47,706 --> 00:21:51,107 AND I WAS GLAD WE HAD SPENT ALMOST AN ENTIRE DAY OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER. 417 00:21:52,043 --> 00:21:53,477 [inaudible] 418 00:22:06,824 --> 00:22:10,894 WE TALKED ABOUT OLD TIMES FOR A WHILE, AND THEN, WE KISSED AFFECTIONATELY, 419 00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,563 AND SHE WAS GONE. 420 00:22:16,534 --> 00:22:21,872 AND AT THAT PRECISE MOMENT, SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL, ALMOST MAGICAL, HAPPENED. 421 00:22:21,939 --> 00:22:24,274 ONE OF THOSE GIANT BOULDERS FELL ON ME.32073

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