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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:04,268
YEAH, YEAH.
NICE TRY, ED.
2
00:00:05,037 --> 00:00:06,304
THAT'S HOT STUFF.
3
00:00:06,371 --> 00:00:09,740
HI, AND WELCOME BACK TO
SANDY'S LAUGHAND SONG JACKPOT.
4
00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:11,176
I'M YOUR HOST, SANDY CONNORS.
5
00:00:11,243 --> 00:00:12,543
[audience applauding]
THANK YOU.
6
00:00:12,611 --> 00:00:14,179
AND COMING UP INTHE NEXT HALF HOUR,
7
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:16,448
WE'VE GOTMR. JAMES BROLIN WITH US.
8
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,384
ALSO, AL "GRANDPA" LEWISIS HERE AGAIN
9
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,452
AND ERIC ESTRADAIS GONNA STOP BY
10
00:00:21,487 --> 00:00:23,588
AND GIVE USA LITTLE KARATE DEMONSTRATION.
11
00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,390
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL THAT,
12
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:27,726
SOMETHING VERY, VERY EXCITINGIS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE.
13
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:29,060
IN A FEW SECONDS,
14
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:31,997
I WILL BE CHOOSING THE WINNER
15
00:00:32,064 --> 00:00:36,034
TO OUR
"WIN A WEEKEND WITH SANDY"
CONTEST. OK?
16
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,535
GIRLS, COME ON OUT.
17
00:00:37,603 --> 00:00:39,037
NICE DRESS.
18
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,340
I THINK IT TOOKMORE FABRIC TO MAKEONE OF MY HANKIES HERE.
19
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:43,674
[chuckling]
20
00:00:44,843 --> 00:00:46,777
CHRIS, DON'T SIT
SO CLOSE TO
THE TELEVISION.
21
00:00:46,845 --> 00:00:48,546
YOU'LL RUIN YOUR EYES.
22
00:00:48,614 --> 00:00:51,516
SITTING CLOSE TO THE T.V.
DOESN'T RUIN YOUR EYES,
GLADYS,
23
00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:52,917
IT CAUSES STERILITY.
24
00:00:52,985 --> 00:00:54,385
OH, THAT'S A RELIEF.
25
00:00:54,453 --> 00:00:55,553
[shushing]
26
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,322
SANDY IS JUST ABOUT
TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER
27
00:00:57,389 --> 00:00:59,490
OF THE "WIN A WEEKEND
WITH SANDY CONNORS" CONTEST,
28
00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:01,292
AND MY NAME'S
SOMEWHERE IN THAT BARREL.
29
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,162
"WIN A WEEKEND
WITH SANDY CONNORS,"
ARE YOU NUTS?
30
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,865
ONLY A SIMP WOULD WANT
TO SPEND TIME WITH THAT GUY.
31
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,068
DAD, SANDY CONNORS IS MY IDOL.
32
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,104
HE IS ONE OF
THE GREATEST ENTERTAINERS
OF THE 20TH CENTURY.
33
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:16,641
HE'S UP THERE
WITH LAURENCE OLIVIER
AND IRVING BERLIN
34
00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:19,144
AND THE GUY WHO PLAYED
ED ON GREEN ACRES.
35
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:20,311
THE WINNER,
36
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,514
�[drum roll]
37
00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:24,449
MR. CHRIS PETERSON.
38
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:25,617
[exclaiming]
39
00:01:25,684 --> 00:01:28,019
SLAM DUNK. YES! IN HIS FACE.
40
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,120
OOH!
41
00:01:29,188 --> 00:01:30,856
[laughs]
42
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,723
(Sandy)OH, I FORGOTTO TURN THE DRUM.
43
00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:36,361
OH, SORRY, MR. PETERSON,
I FORGOT TO ROLL THE DRUM
OVER HERE,
44
00:01:36,428 --> 00:01:38,529
SO I GUESS
YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED.
45
00:01:38,597 --> 00:01:40,732
THERE'S ANOTHER
LAWSUIT, HUH?
46
00:01:40,799 --> 00:01:43,001
HONEY, I'M SORRY.
47
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,970
YEAH, I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED.
48
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:49,574
OK.
49
00:01:49,641 --> 00:01:51,476
PHEW, THAT'S THE MOST
EXERCISE I'VE HAD
50
00:01:51,543 --> 00:01:53,278
SINCE MY PET MONKEY ATE
A POUND OF COFFEE
51
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,946
AND CHASED ME DOWN
THE BLOCK WITH A STEAK KNIFE.
52
00:01:56,014 --> 00:01:58,216
I DON'T KNOW
WHERE IT COMES FROM.
IT'S JUST A GIFT.
53
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,251
AHEM, OK.
54
00:02:00,319 --> 00:02:01,653
ALL RIGHT.
THE WINNER IS
55
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,888
�[drum roll]
56
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:04,255
MR. CHRIS PETERSON.
57
00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:07,759
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I'M A MORON?
58
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,294
I SENT IN 3000 POSTCARDS.
59
00:02:10,362 --> 00:02:13,164
UH, MR. PETERSON,
UNLESS MY LAWYERS
CAN FIGURE OUT
60
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:15,367
SOME WAY OF GETTING ME
OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE ORDEAL,
61
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:19,037
I WILL BE AT YOUR HOME
THIS WEEKEND,
62
00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:22,707
MEETING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
AND YOUR FRIENDS.
63
00:02:22,774 --> 00:02:24,842
LORD, I AM STARTING
TO FEEL ILL.
64
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,378
�[Stand by R.E.M playing]
65
00:02:26,445 --> 00:02:27,745
[bicycle bell ringing]
66
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,487
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
67
00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:38,056
� NOW FACE NORTH
68
00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:39,557
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
69
00:02:39,624 --> 00:02:42,360
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
70
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:45,163
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
71
00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:46,931
� NOW FACE WEST
72
00:02:46,999 --> 00:02:48,833
� THINK ABOUT THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
73
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:51,335
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
74
00:02:51,403 --> 00:02:54,305
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
75
00:02:54,373 --> 00:02:55,940
� NOW FACE NORTH
76
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,048
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
77
00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:59,210
� WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T
78
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:02,447
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
79
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,115
� NOW FACE WEST
80
00:03:04,182 --> 00:03:06,451
� THINK ABOUTTHE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE �
81
00:03:06,518 --> 00:03:08,553
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
82
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:12,357
� STAND INTHE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE �
83
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:15,693
� SO STAND
84
00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:22,627
CHRIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE
SIT DOWN?
85
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:24,068
YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.
86
00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:26,671
SIT DOWN?
DAD, I CAN'T SIT DOWN
AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
87
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:29,340
SANDY'S GONNA BE HERE
ANY SECOND.
88
00:03:29,408 --> 00:03:30,642
[mumbling]
89
00:03:32,411 --> 00:03:35,880
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA KISS THE GUY,
ARE YOU?
90
00:03:35,948 --> 00:03:37,615
THIS IS MORE EXCITING
THAN THE DAY
91
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:40,251
WE WAITED FOR SEARS
TO DELIVER
OUR NEW TRASH COMPACTOR.
92
00:03:40,319 --> 00:03:42,153
YEAH, BUT WHY DO WE
HAVE TO WAIT UP HERE?
93
00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:44,989
THERE'S A BOWL
OF FRESH NUTS
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
94
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:46,691
EXCUSE ME, DAD.
95
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:49,694
I'M SORRY,
BUT THE LIVING ROOM'S JUST
A LITTLE TOO UNHIP FOR SANDY.
96
00:03:49,761 --> 00:03:51,729
COME ON,
MY PLACE IS MORE HAPPENING.
97
00:03:51,797 --> 00:03:53,831
IT'S MORE... MORE NOW,
MORE WITH IT.
98
00:03:53,899 --> 00:03:57,167
OH, YEAH, MAN, I REALLY
FEEL THE BEAT IN HERE.
99
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,203
[knocking on door]
100
00:03:59,271 --> 00:04:01,112
HE'S HERE?
HE'S HERE.
101
00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:05,309
[knocking on door]
102
00:04:07,646 --> 00:04:08,846
[murmuring]
103
00:04:10,282 --> 00:04:11,522
SANDY.
104
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:17,555
OK, THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.
NICE SEEING YOU, SIR.
105
00:04:17,623 --> 00:04:19,391
NO, NO. WAIT, SANDY, IT'S ME,
106
00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:22,593
CHRIS PETERSON,
THE CONTEST WINNER.
107
00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:26,964
YEAH, I HAD
THAT HORRIBLE FEELING.
108
00:04:27,032 --> 00:04:29,901
NICE OUTFIT.
UH, MANAGE A TIRE STORE?
109
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:31,703
[chuckling]
110
00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:34,672
WE'RE ALWAYS ON,
AREN'T WE?
111
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,810
BOY, SANDY CONNORS
IN MY HOME.
112
00:04:38,877 --> 00:04:41,412
WELL, I THINK
THE WORD "HOME" IS BEING
A LITTLE GENEROUS HERE,
113
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:42,780
DON'T YOU?
114
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:44,482
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
115
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:48,386
THAT, SANDY,
IS THE THRONE
116
00:04:48,453 --> 00:04:51,322
I'VE BEEN MAKING
ALL WEEK FOR YOU.
117
00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:52,857
ISN'T IT FANCIFUL?
118
00:04:56,228 --> 00:04:59,597
UH, WELL, UM, SANDY,
COME RIGHT OVER HERE.
119
00:04:59,664 --> 00:05:01,532
I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY PARENTS.
120
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,734
UH, THIS IS MY MOTHER, GLADYS.
121
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,804
IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU.
122
00:05:05,871 --> 00:05:08,205
PERSONALLY, I'VE NEVER
FOUND YOU VERY FUNNY,
123
00:05:08,273 --> 00:05:11,408
BUT I THINK YOU HAVE
A VERY NICE SPEAKING VOICE.
124
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:12,944
WELL, THANK YOU, MA'AM.
125
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,379
I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT.
126
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:16,614
AND THIS IS MY FATHER,
FRED PETERSON.
127
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:17,982
YEAH. FRED.
128
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,651
YOU KNOW,
ON TELEVISION YOU LOOK
A LOT YOUNGER.
129
00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:23,087
HOW OLD ARE YOU ANYWAY,
ABOUT 60?
130
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:26,224
I'M 42.
131
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,091
[scoffs]
132
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:29,126
AND I'M BUZZ ALDRIN.
133
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:32,497
WELL... WELL, ANYWAY,
I WAS JUST DROPPING BY
TO SAY HELLO.
134
00:05:32,564 --> 00:05:34,264
YOU KNOW,
ON MY WAY TO THE MARRIOTT,
135
00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:36,267
AND I FIGURED MAYBE TOMORROW
YOU GUYS COULD COME BY,
136
00:05:36,334 --> 00:05:38,503
AND WE'LL TAKE
A LITTLE PICTURE OUT
THERE BY THE LOBBY.
137
00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,838
OK, THEN, I'LL BE ON MY WAY.
IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE.
138
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,507
UM, I'M SORRY, SANDY,
139
00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:44,042
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
THAT LAST PART.
140
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,543
WAS THAT ONE OF YOUR JOKES?
141
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:48,046
WELL, YOU DIDN'T THINK
I'D BE STAYING HERE NOW,
DID YOU?
142
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,713
I MEAN THAT REALLY
WOULD BE A LITTLE
BIT SILLY, DON'T YOU THINK?
143
00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:53,551
I MEAN NOT TO MENTION
UNPLEASANT AND HORRIFYING.
144
00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:55,853
OH, SANDY.
145
00:05:55,921 --> 00:05:58,422
OH, DEAR, SWEET,
INNOCENT, NAIVE SANDY.
146
00:05:58,490 --> 00:05:59,724
[laughs]
147
00:05:59,791 --> 00:06:02,259
SANDY, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS IS?
148
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,228
THIS IS A COPY OF
THE OFFICIAL RULES
149
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:06,364
TO THE "WIN A WEEKEND
WITH SANDY" CONTEST.
150
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,232
NOW, SANDY,
IT CLEARY STATES HERE
151
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,834
THAT YOU ARE REQUIRED
TO SPEND 48 HOURS WITH ME.
152
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:12,670
NOW, IF YOU'RE GONNA
CHALLENGE ME,
153
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:14,773
I'LL RUN RIGHT OVER
TO THE MALL
AND GET MYSELF A LAWYER.
154
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,941
NO, CHRIS, CHRIS,
CHRIS, CHRIS.
155
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:21,312
YOU KNOW,
I GUESS IF GUYS CAN SPEND
THEIR ENTIRE LIFE IN ATTICA,
156
00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:23,982
I CAN PUT UP
WITH 2 DAYS OF THIS.
157
00:06:25,117 --> 00:06:27,151
I HOPE I HAVEN'T MADE
A HORRIBLE MISTAKE HERE.
158
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,939
ARE YOU ALLOWED
TO EAT HAM, SANDY?
159
00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:31,388
OH, YES, MA'AM,
I CAN EAT HAM.
160
00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:32,557
REALLY?
161
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,326
FOR SOME REASON
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE JEWISH.
162
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,694
YOU ARE FROM NEW YORK.
163
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,863
NO, I'M FROM ST. LOUIS.
164
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,465
HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE
DONE YOUR HOMEWORK?
165
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,101
I'M NOT JEWISH, OK?
166
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,169
I THINK WE HIT A SORE SPOT.
167
00:06:45,236 --> 00:06:47,104
LOOK, CAN WE JUST EAT?
I'M STARVING.
168
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:50,408
THE LAST THING I HAD
WAS A HOT DOG AT THE AIRPORT.
169
00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:01,151
WE THOUGHT WE'D HAVE YOU
SAY GRACE TONIGHT,
SANDY.
170
00:07:01,219 --> 00:07:04,489
IT'S AN HONOR WE ONLY BESTOW
ON SPECIAL GUESTS.
171
00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:08,059
OH, GEEZ.
172
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:09,626
(all) OH, GEEZ.
173
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:17,268
UH, LOOK, WHY DON'T WE
ALL JUST MEDITATE
SILENTLY TO OURSELVES?
174
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:19,703
I HAD A FEELING
HE'D CRAP OUT ON THE PRAYER.
175
00:07:19,771 --> 00:07:20,838
SHH!
176
00:07:25,877 --> 00:07:27,445
WHAT DID YOU
WISH FOR, SANDY?
177
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,380
OH, DON'T TELL ME,
IT WON'T COME TRUE.
178
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:32,717
IT'S A PRAYER, YOU MORON,
NOT A BIRTHDAY CAKE.
179
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:34,945
SETTLE DOWN,
YOU TWO.
180
00:07:38,323 --> 00:07:41,658
SO, YOU'RE
AN ENTERTAINER.
181
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,294
ENTERTAIN US.
182
00:07:44,362 --> 00:07:46,030
(Gladys) OH, YES.
183
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,666
SING US A SONG
OR DO A MAGIC TRICK.
184
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:50,668
MA, DAD, COME ON!
185
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:53,370
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,
HE'S NOT A PERFORMING SEAL.
186
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:56,741
LET THE MAN EAT HIS DINNER
IN PEACE. GEEZ.
187
00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:03,414
SANDY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE
MAYBE DOING A LITTLE
BREAKDANCING FOR US?
188
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:06,450
IS THERE A GUN RACK
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE?
189
00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:08,786
[chuckling]
190
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,254
DID YOU HEAR THAT, MA?
191
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:13,056
THAT WAS ONE.
HE'S STARTING TO TELL JOKES.
192
00:08:13,124 --> 00:08:14,592
I DIDN'T GET IT.
193
00:08:14,659 --> 00:08:16,027
OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
194
00:08:16,094 --> 00:08:19,196
UH, IF YOU FOLKS
WILL LET ME OUT OF HERE,
195
00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:21,466
I WILL BUY YOU
196
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:24,869
ONE OF THOSE
BIG PROJECTION T.V.s.
197
00:08:26,438 --> 00:08:29,173
IT'S LIKE
A LITTLE GAME OF CHESS,
ISN'T IT, SANDY?
198
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,141
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS
199
00:08:31,209 --> 00:08:34,111
I OWN BOARDWALK,
AND YOU KEEP LANDING ON IT.
200
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:37,481
OH, GEEZ.
201
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,585
ARE WE PRAYING AGAIN?
202
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:47,124
WELL, THANK YOU FOR
THE LOVELY DINNER.
203
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:49,760
BUT, UH, BEEN KIND
OF A LONG DAY FOR ME.
204
00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:51,996
I THINK MAYBE
IF YOU'LL POINT ME
TOWARDS THE GUEST ROOM,
205
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,130
I'LL JUST CALL IT A NIGHT.
206
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,298
GUEST ROOM?
207
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,134
YOU CAN'T STAY IN
THE GUEST ROOM.
208
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:57,961
I KNOW WHAT YOU
SHOW-BUSINESS PEOPLE
ARE LIKE.
209
00:08:57,969 --> 00:08:59,837
YOU'D JUST TRASH THE PLACE.
210
00:08:59,904 --> 00:09:03,140
BESIDES, WE JUST SET OFF
A TICK BOMB IN THERE.
211
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,842
YEAH, THE CAT'S LOADED
WITH THEM.
212
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:06,844
SO, YOU BETTER CHECK
YOURSELF IN THE SHOWER.
213
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:10,948
BEAUTIFUL. SO WHERE
AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP?
214
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:14,552
HI, SANDY!
215
00:09:17,922 --> 00:09:21,926
� TWINKLE, TWINKLE,
CHRISSIE'S BED �
216
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:26,764
� A PLACE TO LAY
MY WEARY HEAD �
217
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:30,301
CHRIS, CHRIS. CHRIS!
I'M EXHAUSTED.
218
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,670
SO WHERE AM I
SUPPOSED TO SLEEP?
219
00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:41,279
THERE IS NOT
A CHANCE IN HELL.
220
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:44,782
OK, FINE, SANDY.
IF THAT'S THE WAY
YOU WANT IT, FINE.
221
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,252
OH, YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,
222
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,687
WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP
ON THE SOFA?
223
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,923
BUT I WARN YOU,
IT'S LOADED WITH CHIGGERS.
224
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:56,327
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
JUST BUY SOME SCREEN DOORS
OR SOMETHING?
225
00:09:56,394 --> 00:09:59,530
YOU KNOW,
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY,
226
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:02,466
BUT NOT ALL OF US
MAKE $90 MILLION
A WEEK.
227
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,504
COME ON, SANDY.
COME ON.
228
00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:07,805
LET'S JUST MAKE
THE BEST OF IT.
229
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,741
MORNING WILL BE HERE
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
230
00:10:10,808 --> 00:10:13,711
SANDY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
231
00:10:14,312 --> 00:10:15,813
NO.
232
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,782
DO YOU THINK
THE AMERICAN
DENTAL ASSOCIATION
233
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,683
HAS A CURE
FOR TOOTH DECAY,
234
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,552
BUT IT'S JUST
KEEPING IT A SECRET?
235
00:10:22,487 --> 00:10:24,956
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT,
236
00:10:25,023 --> 00:10:27,091
THEY'D LOSE MILLIONS,
WOULDN'T THEY?
237
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,519
CHRIS, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO IN THE BATHROOM
238
00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:32,229
AND HAVE A COUPLE
SWIGS OF NYQUIL, HUH?
239
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:34,865
YOU KNOW, IT'S... IT'S FUNNY
YOU SHOULD MENTION
THE BATHROOM
240
00:10:34,933 --> 00:10:37,935
BECAUSE, UM, THAT'S SOMETHING
I'LL BE DOING
AN AWFUL LOT OF TONIGHT.
241
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:40,171
I HAVE A BLADDER
LIKE A WOMAN.
242
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:44,508
LOVELY.
243
00:10:46,244 --> 00:10:47,979
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
244
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:52,150
[coughing]
245
00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:01,058
WHAT? WHAT?
246
00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:02,593
[objects rattling]
247
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:08,065
MIDNIGHT SNACK, SANDY?
248
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:10,067
NO. NO.
249
00:11:10,134 --> 00:11:12,602
OK, WELL,
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
250
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:15,405
THERE'S A COUPLE OF PICKLES
WRAPPED IN A NAPKIN
IN MY SOCK DRAWER,
251
00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:17,307
SO HELP YOURSELF.
252
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:20,277
CHRIS,
YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.
253
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:22,246
I MEAN, DON'T YOU EVER SLEEP?
254
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:25,415
YOU'RE LIKE THIS
SCHIZY LITTLE CHIHUAHUA
WHO'S JUST WHINING TO GO OUT.
255
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:29,019
GEEZ, I'M SORRY. BOY.
256
00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:31,255
SOME PAJAMA PARTY
THIS TURNED OUT TO BE.
257
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:34,459
LOOK, IT'S NOT
A PAJAMA PARTY, YOU DORK!
258
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:36,994
IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING
AND I'M...
259
00:11:37,061 --> 00:11:40,664
MY HEAD IS THROBBING, AND
I'M STARTING TO FEEL RASHY.
260
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:44,702
SANDY?
261
00:11:44,769 --> 00:11:45,803
WHAT?
262
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,471
WANT TO SEE MY APPENDIX SCAR?
263
00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:59,317
SO, UM,
I TAKE IT YOU'RE GETTING
A LITTLE DROWSY.
264
00:12:03,054 --> 00:12:04,054
GOOD NIGHT.
265
00:12:04,823 --> 00:12:05,956
[alarm ringing]
266
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:07,024
[mumbling]
267
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:09,460
OH.
268
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,365
[grunting]
269
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,735
OH, GOOD MORNING, SANDY.
270
00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:18,969
[laughing]
271
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:21,739
AH, DID WE SLEEP WELL
LAST NIGHT?
272
00:12:21,806 --> 00:12:23,341
MAYBE IT WAS
MY IMAGINATION,
273
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:25,843
BUT I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU
CURSING AT ONE POINT.
274
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,244
GO TO HELL.
275
00:12:28,479 --> 00:12:30,715
WE'RE NOT
A MORNING PERSON, ARE WE?
276
00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:32,283
I TELL YOU WHAT
YOU NEED, SANDY,
277
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:34,952
YOU NEED A LITTLE
SUNLIGHT IN HERE,
THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED.
278
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:38,122
HERE WE GO,
UPSY-DAISY, OH!
279
00:12:38,189 --> 00:12:40,257
THERE WE ARE, WHOO!
280
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:42,459
� SKYROCKETS IN FLIGHT
281
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,262
� AFTERNOON DELIGHT
282
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,697
GOOD MORNING.
283
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,065
(Chris)
OH, GEEZ,
WE GOT TO GET GOING!
284
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:50,667
WE'VE GOT A BUSY DAY
AHEAD OF US, COME ON.
285
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:53,104
FIRST WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
MY BIG SUNDAY BREAKFAST,
286
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:55,940
[water running]
LOADS AND LOADS OF BACON
AND LOTS OF SPRITE.
287
00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:57,641
AND THEN I'M GOING
TO TAKE YOU OUTSIDE
288
00:12:57,709 --> 00:12:59,910
AND PARADE YOU
UP AND DOWN THE STREET
289
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:02,046
AND SHOW YOU
TO ALL MY FRIENDS
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
290
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:03,313
AND THEN I'M GONNA...
291
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:05,683
HEY, SANDY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH YOUR SHOES?
292
00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:07,711
I'M PUTTING THEM ON
BECAUSE I'M LEAVING.
293
00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:09,086
I'M GETTING
THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
294
00:13:09,154 --> 00:13:11,322
I HATE YOU,
I HATE YOUR FAMILY,
295
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,857
I HATE THIS LITTLE
LAWNMOWER SHED YOU LIVE IN.
296
00:13:15,126 --> 00:13:16,594
ALL RIGHT, SANDY,
297
00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:19,863
AS I SEE IT, I HAVE 2 OPTIONS
IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW.
298
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,832
ONE, I COULD CRY.
299
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:24,835
OH, AND BELIEVE ME
I COULD DO THAT VERY EASILY.
300
00:13:24,903 --> 00:13:27,104
OR 2, I COULD REMEMBER
THAT IT'S HOLLYWOOD
301
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:31,509
THAT'S MADE YOU A SHALLOW,
CYNICAL HUMAN BEING INSIDE.
302
00:13:31,576 --> 00:13:34,511
SANDY, I'M GOING TO
TAKE YOU OUT TODAY
303
00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:38,215
AND SHOW YOU A WORLD
THAT'S FULL OF LIFE,
304
00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:40,384
HOPE AND... AND LAUGHTER.
305
00:13:41,419 --> 00:13:42,953
OH, PLEASE DON'T.
306
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,228
�[Afternoon Delight by The
Starland Vocal Band playing]
307
00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:52,062
� THINKING OF YOUIS WORKING UP MY APPETITE �
308
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:54,965
� LOOKING FORWARD TOA LITTLE AFTERNOON DELIGHT �
309
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:58,269
� RUBBING STICKS AND STONESTOGETHER MAKESTHE SPARKS IGNITE �
310
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,972
� AND THE THOUGHTOF RUBBING YOUIS GETTING SO EXCITING �
311
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,174
� SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT
312
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:07,077
� AFTERNOON DELIGHT
313
00:14:10,415 --> 00:14:14,619
� AFTERNOON DELIGHT
314
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:19,957
� STARTED OUT THIS MORNINGFEELING SO POLITE �
315
00:14:20,024 --> 00:14:22,125
� I ALWAYS THOUGH A FISHCOULD NOT BE CAUGHT �
316
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:23,494
� WHO DIDN'T BITE
317
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,522
� BUT YOU'VE GOTSOME BAIT A-WAITING �
318
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:27,698
� AND I THINKI MIGHT LIKE NIBBLING �
319
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:30,401
� A LITTLE AFTERNOON DELIGHT
320
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:33,170
� BE WAITING FOR ME, BABY �
321
00:14:33,237 --> 00:14:34,638
[tires screeching]
322
00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:37,041
� WHEN I COME AROUND
323
00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,977
� WE COULD MAKEA LOT OF LOVING �
324
00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:43,714
� BEFORE THE SUN GOES DOWN �
325
00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:46,617
� THINKING OF YOUIS WORKING UP MY APPETITE �
326
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:49,920
� LOOKING FORWARD TOA LITTLE AFTERNOON DELIGHT �
327
00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:51,628
� RUBBING STICKS AND STONESTOGETHER �
328
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:53,457
� MAKES THE SPARKS IGNITE
329
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:54,925
� AND THE THOUGHTOF RUBBING YOU �
330
00:14:54,993 --> 00:14:57,094
� IS GETTING SO EXCITING
331
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,129
� SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT
332
00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:02,967
� AFTERNOON DELIGHT
333
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:09,607
� AFTERNOON DELIGHT
334
00:15:09,674 --> 00:15:12,176
OH, BOY, OH, BOY,
OH, BOY, OH.
335
00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:14,811
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME
336
00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:18,115
THAT I FELT
THIS FREE AND HAPPY.
337
00:15:18,183 --> 00:15:20,150
ALTHOUGH I'M GONNA BE
HONEST WITH YOU NOW,
338
00:15:20,218 --> 00:15:22,019
WHEN I FIRST
SET FOOT IN THIS HOUSE,
339
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:24,254
AND I FIRST MET YOU
AND YOUR PARENTS,
340
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:26,657
I SINCERELY THOUGHT
I WAS IN HELL.
341
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:28,792
SURE, SURE.
342
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:30,940
BUT NOW, CHRIS, BOY,
THANKS TO YOU,
343
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:34,031
MY WHOLE OUTLOOK HAS CHANGED
344
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,566
BECAUSE YOU KNOW,
345
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:40,070
WHO NEEDS
SHOW BUSINESS ANYWAY?
346
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:42,707
WHO NEEDS THE MANSIONS,
347
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:47,277
WHO NEEDS THE LEATHER SOFAS
AND THE LINCOLN CONTINENTALS?
348
00:15:49,147 --> 00:15:51,448
NO. I'M ALL THROUGH
WITH THAT.
349
00:15:52,784 --> 00:15:55,052
BUT WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU SAYING, SANDY?
350
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,554
I'M MOVING IN
WITH YOU, BUDDY,
351
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:59,623
AND I'M NEVER LEAVING. EVER.
352
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,571
GOOD MORNING, FOLKS,
WHATCHA YOU DOING?
353
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:15,238
HAVING A LITTLE BREAKFAST?
354
00:16:15,306 --> 00:16:18,108
NO, WE'RE SPOT WELDING
PLUMBING FIXTURES.
355
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:19,243
[laughs]
356
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,077
YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE A REAL CHARACTER,
MR. PETERSON.
357
00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:22,646
IF I DIDN'T QUIT MY T.V. SHOW,
358
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:26,217
I'D HAVE YOU ON ONE OF MY
WACKY OLD PEOPLE SEGMENTS.
359
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:29,152
INCIDENTALLY, YOU'RE ALL
OUT OF LAUNDRY
DETERGENT AGAIN,
360
00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:31,187
SO I THREW IN
A CAKE OF SAFEGUARD.
361
00:16:31,255 --> 00:16:33,189
I HOPE THAT DOESN'T
SCREW ANYTHING UP.
362
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,028
MRS. P.?
363
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:41,231
WOULD YOU GET ME A BEER
OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR?
364
00:16:44,902 --> 00:16:46,036
YOU ALL DONE, SIR?
365
00:16:46,104 --> 00:16:47,665
YEAH.
GREAT.
366
00:16:52,577 --> 00:16:55,779
EW. NOT A BIG FAN
OF BLUEBERRY PANCAKES.
367
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,448
YOU KNOW,
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE,
368
00:16:57,515 --> 00:17:00,784
I JUST LIKE 'EM PLAIN,
BUT, UH, NO HARD FEELINGS,
HUH?
369
00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:04,888
(Sandy) THERE HE IS!
370
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:07,424
THERE'S MY BEST FRIEND
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
371
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:09,193
HOW YOU DOING, PAL?
372
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,461
[snorts]
373
00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:12,863
HEY, CHRIS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO
DO TODAY, HUH?
374
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:15,065
YOU WANT TO
BUILD A COUPLE GO-KARTS?
375
00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:17,334
SANDY, I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR CRAP LIKE THAT.
376
00:17:17,401 --> 00:17:18,869
I WORK FOR A LIVING, OK?
377
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:20,170
YEAH, HEY,
THAT REMINDS ME,
378
00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:22,372
DID YOU HAVE A CHANCE
TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS
379
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:25,682
ABOUT GETTING ME ONE OF THOSE
LITTLE PAPER ROUTE DEALS?
IT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN.
380
00:17:25,710 --> 00:17:27,477
YEAH, YEAH, I DID, SANDY,
381
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,580
AND, UH, UM, HE SAID
THERE WEREN'T ANY
OPENINGS RIGHT NOW.
382
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:34,251
REALLY?
DID YOU TELL HIM I USED
TO HAVE MY OWN T.V. SHOW?
383
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,853
[dog barks]
384
00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:38,889
OH, THERE'S THAT
BIG SLOBBERY DOG
FROM NEXT DOOR.
385
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:42,198
I'M GOING TO GO
WRESTLE WITH HIM
FOR AWHILE.
386
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:44,328
[dog barking]
387
00:17:44,395 --> 00:17:46,096
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
388
00:17:46,164 --> 00:17:47,797
HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
389
00:17:47,865 --> 00:17:50,901
WELL, I WARNED YOU
BUT, AS USUAL,
YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
390
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,570
NEXT TIME, HONEY,
TRY TO WIN A NICER CELEBRITY.
391
00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:56,206
SOMEONE LIKE GARY COLLINS.
392
00:17:56,274 --> 00:17:58,108
BELIEVE ME,
I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON.
393
00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:02,379
OH, BOY,
SHOW BUSINESS PEOPLE ARE
NOTHING BUT WORTHLESS LOSERS
394
00:18:02,446 --> 00:18:06,316
WHO SHOULD BE ADMIRED
ONLY FROM AFAR.
395
00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:10,120
IF I COULD ONLY
FIGURE OUT A WAY HOW
TO GET RID OF SANDY.
396
00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:12,322
WHY DON'T WE PLANT
OUR CREDIT CARDS ON HIM
397
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:14,157
AND THEN CALL THE COPS?
398
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:17,661
THOSE PHONY TWO-FACED,
399
00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:22,099
MIDDLE-AMERICAN
AVERAGE JOE BASTARDS!
400
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,235
HEY, I KNOW,
I COULD TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO
AT MILLERSTOWN
401
00:18:25,303 --> 00:18:26,737
AND THEN DUMP HIM THERE.
402
00:18:26,804 --> 00:18:28,405
THAT'S ABOUT 100 MILES AWAY.
403
00:18:28,473 --> 00:18:30,507
NO, HE'D JUST FIND
HIS WAY BACK.
404
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:32,643
WE COULD ALWAYS KILL HIM.
405
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:39,149
ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT ME GONE?
I'M GONE.
406
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:42,519
I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TRIED TO MAKE FRIENDS
WITH A BUNCH OF...
407
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:44,955
HILLBILLIES.
408
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:47,725
SANDY, SANDY, W...
SANDY, WAIT.
409
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:48,959
SANDY?
410
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,193
[dog barking]
411
00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:51,261
OH, BOY.
412
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:54,397
SANDY?
413
00:18:54,465 --> 00:18:56,566
AW, COME ON, SANDY,
WE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
414
00:18:56,634 --> 00:18:58,535
YOU'RE A JOY TO BE AROUND.
415
00:19:07,512 --> 00:19:09,313
SANDY?
416
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:10,915
(Sandy)
LEAVE ME ALONE YOU
BURR-HEADED, PILLOW-BITER.
417
00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:13,717
SANDY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING
UP THERE?
418
00:19:13,784 --> 00:19:17,321
IS THAT ANYWAY FOR
A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE
CELEBRITY TO ACT? GEEZ.
419
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:19,489
OH, BOY, HERE I COME.
420
00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:20,657
[grunting]
421
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:26,630
SANDY, MY, OH, MY.
422
00:19:26,697 --> 00:19:27,731
[laughs]
423
00:19:27,798 --> 00:19:29,132
HEY, UH, SANDY,
424
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,867
[coughing]
425
00:19:30,935 --> 00:19:33,169
EXCUSE ME,
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS,
426
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,306
BUT, UH, THIS IS ONE OF
THOSE NON-SMOKING TREES.
427
00:19:37,675 --> 00:19:39,343
CHRIS, I KNOW
WHY YOU'RE HERE.
428
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:41,130
YOU'RE GONNA TRY
AND TALK ME
INTO COMING BACK
429
00:19:41,178 --> 00:19:42,179
AND LIVING WITH YOU.
430
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,415
UH, ACTUALLY,
NO, SANDY, NOT AT ALL.
431
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:47,317
IN FACT,
UH, I DON'T EVER WANT YOU
TO COME BACK.
432
00:19:47,385 --> 00:19:51,221
WELL, FINE,
I'LL JUST STAY UP HERE
UNTIL I'M A ROTTING CORPSE,
433
00:19:51,289 --> 00:19:53,022
AND I STINK UP
THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
434
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,460
NICE TOWN,
YOU'VE GOT DEAD PEOPLE
IN THE TREES.
435
00:19:56,527 --> 00:19:59,796
SANDY, YOU KNOW,
WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,
436
00:19:59,864 --> 00:20:03,600
I SAID TO MYSELF,
"NOW, NOW HERE'S A GUY
I CAN REALLY LOOK UP TO.
437
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:06,336
"I MEAN, HE'S EVERYTHING
THAT I'D WANT TO BE ONE DAY.
438
00:20:06,404 --> 00:20:09,606
"HE'S... HE'S RICH,
HE'S... HE'S FAMOUS,
439
00:20:09,674 --> 00:20:12,276
HE'S... HE'S GOOD-LOOKING,
HE'S... HE'S SNOTTY"
440
00:20:12,343 --> 00:20:16,146
COME ON, CHRIS,
YOU MAKE ME SOUND
LIKE JOE GARAGIOLA.
441
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:17,447
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, SANDY?
442
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:19,916
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
THAT LOOKS UP TO YOU.
443
00:20:19,984 --> 00:20:23,753
I MEAN, YOU LITERALLY HAVE
HUNDREDS OF FANS OUT THERE.
444
00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:27,924
AND YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ME
TO KEEP YOU ALL TO MYSELF.
445
00:20:27,992 --> 00:20:30,594
I MEAN, THESE PEOPLE,
THEY DEPEND ON YOU.
446
00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:35,599
YEAH, BUT CHRIS,
SHOW BUSINESS IS SO GRUELING.
447
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:38,302
IT'S 5 HOURS OF
WORK EVERY WEEK,
448
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:42,739
IT'S HAVING TO WEAR
THOSE HORRIBLE
SYNTHETIC HAIRPIECES.
449
00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:47,210
YES, BUT IT'S ALSO
VERY REWARDING, ISN'T IT?
450
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:50,947
SANDY, YOU MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
IN A...
451
00:20:51,015 --> 00:20:54,818
IN A WORLD WHERE LAUGHTER
IS KIND OF
A PRECIOUS COMMODITY.
452
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,987
LIKE... LIKE COFFEE, AND JAM,
453
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:00,023
AND GLOVES.
454
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:01,925
THAT'S TRUE.
455
00:21:01,992 --> 00:21:03,360
[laughs]
456
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:08,265
NOT TO MENTION I GET
A TRUCKLOAD OF MONEY,
457
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,574
AND INCREDIBLE
AMOUNTS OF TAIL.
458
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:15,038
EXACTLY. NOW THAT'S THE SANDY
I KNOW.
459
00:21:15,105 --> 00:21:17,040
WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
CHRIS.
460
00:21:17,107 --> 00:21:21,177
I DIDN'T COME THIS FAR
IN MY CAREER
TO ABANDON EVERYTHING
461
00:21:21,245 --> 00:21:25,081
AND MOVE IN WITH A GUY
THAT THROWS A BASEBALL
LIKE A BALLERINA.
462
00:21:25,149 --> 00:21:26,650
EXACTLY.
463
00:21:26,717 --> 00:21:28,885
NO, I WAS ABSOLUTELY,
OBVIOUSLY PUT ON THIS EARTH
464
00:21:28,953 --> 00:21:30,487
TO, UH, ENTERTAIN AMERICA,
465
00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:32,422
AND TAKE HOME
A FAT PAYCHECK, HUH?
466
00:21:32,490 --> 00:21:35,410
SO AS LONG AS
THERE IS BREATH LEFT
IN THIS OLD BODY OF MINE,
467
00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:38,128
THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
468
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:39,496
THANK YOU, CHRIS.
469
00:21:40,097 --> 00:21:41,364
NO, YOU.
470
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:42,432
[both laughing]
471
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:43,566
[branch creaking]
472
00:21:43,634 --> 00:21:44,634
[both exclaiming]
473
00:21:47,405 --> 00:21:48,405
OH, BOY.
474
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:49,606
[laughing]
475
00:21:50,641 --> 00:21:52,575
SANDY?
YEAH.
476
00:21:52,643 --> 00:21:54,011
WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?
477
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,313
OH, CHRIS, YOU CAN SEE
ME ANYTIME YOU WANT.
478
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,647
IN FACT,
THANKS FOR ASKING,
479
00:21:57,716 --> 00:22:00,550
I WILL BE AT THE, UH,
TROPICANA HOTEL
480
00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:02,585
FROM MARCH 19TH
TO THE 23RD.
481
00:22:02,653 --> 00:22:05,989
FROM THERE, IT'S DOWN TO
BEAUTIFUL MIAMI BEACH,
FLORIDA, AT THE FONTAINEBLEAU,
482
00:22:06,057 --> 00:22:08,425
LAST TIME BOB CULP SHOWED UP,
SURPRISED ME,
483
00:22:08,492 --> 00:22:09,726
OOH!
HE'S A LOT OF FUN.
484
00:22:09,794 --> 00:22:11,161
AND THEN FROM THERE,
OUT TO THE COAST,
485
00:22:11,228 --> 00:22:13,296
I'LL BE A GUEST
ON MATCH GAME PM.
486
00:22:13,364 --> 00:22:15,498
YOU CHECK
YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS
FOR TIME AND STATIONS.
487
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:16,933
OK, ADIOS, PAL.
488
00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:18,001
OH, GEEZ.
489
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:20,804
GOODBYE, SWEET SANDY.
490
00:22:21,739 --> 00:22:23,473
I SHAN'T FORGET YOU.36805
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