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1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:04,202
MOM, DAD, LISTEN TO THIS.
2
00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,304
[clearing throat]
3
00:00:06,372 --> 00:00:09,274
"THE GREENVILLE COMMUNITY
THEATER WILL BE HOLDING
AUDITIONS TODAY
4
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,545
"FOR THEIR UPCOMING PRODUCTION
OF THE MUSICAL,
ZOO ANIMALS ON WHEELS.
5
00:00:13,612 --> 00:00:17,448
"PRIOR SINGING, ACTING,
AND DANCING EXPERIENCE A PLUS,
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,251
BUT NOT NECESSARY."
7
00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:20,785
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
8
00:00:20,853 --> 00:00:23,055
WELL, I'M NOT KRESKIN,
BUT I THINK IT MEANS
9
00:00:23,122 --> 00:00:25,557
YOU'RE ON THE VERGE
OF EMBARRASSING US.
10
00:00:26,158 --> 00:00:28,026
EXACTLY.
11
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,428
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN ACTING, DEAR.
12
00:00:30,496 --> 00:00:32,831
I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN ACTING, MA.
13
00:00:32,898 --> 00:00:36,234
I JUST HAVE THE URGE
TO PERFORM ON STAGE
IN AN ANIMAL COSTUME.
14
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:38,303
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
YOU KNOW.
15
00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,005
CHRIS, WHY THIS SHOW?
16
00:00:40,072 --> 00:00:41,706
IT SOUNDS A LITTLE...
17
00:00:41,774 --> 00:00:43,642
WHAT'S THE WORD
I'M LOOKING FOR?
18
00:00:43,709 --> 00:00:45,643
STUPID.
19
00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:49,147
DAD, ZOO ANIMALS ON WHEELSWAS THE TOAST OF BROADWAY.
20
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,650
IT WAS ANDREW TODD KELLER'S
MASTERPIECE.
21
00:00:51,717 --> 00:00:54,019
THE CONCEPT IS PURE GENIUS.
22
00:00:54,086 --> 00:00:57,422
WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE
IF ZOO ANIMALS
PUT ON ROLLER SKATES,
23
00:00:57,489 --> 00:01:00,392
DANCED AROUND,
AND SANG SONGS?
24
00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:02,393
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT DOES FOR AN AUDIENCE?
25
00:01:02,461 --> 00:01:04,696
INSULTS THEIR INTELLIGENCE?
26
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,964
NO. IT UPLIFTS THEM.
27
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,701
IT MAKES THEM FEEL
HAPPY AND ALIVE.
28
00:01:09,768 --> 00:01:12,336
KIND OF LIKE A MOUNTAIN DEW
COMMERCIAL.
29
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,105
I BETTER GET GOING.
30
00:01:14,172 --> 00:01:17,375
MOM, DAD, I'M WALKING
OUT OF HERE AS CHRIS,
31
00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:19,611
BUT I MAY VERY WELL
COME BACK AS CHRIS,
32
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:22,346
THE GUY WHO HAS A SMALL PART
IN A LOCAL MUSICAL.
33
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,482
YOU THINK ABOUT THAT
FOR A WHILE, OK?
34
00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:28,152
�[Stand by R.E.M. playing]
35
00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:34,426
[bicycle bell ringing]
36
00:01:34,493 --> 00:01:37,295
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
37
00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:38,763
� NOW FACE NORTH
38
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,264
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
39
00:01:40,332 --> 00:01:43,001
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
40
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:46,037
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
41
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,672
� NOW FACE WEST
42
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,708
� THINK ABOUT THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
43
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:51,776
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
44
00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:54,779
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
45
00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:56,247
� NOW FACE NORTH
46
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,849
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
47
00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,184
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
48
00:02:00,252 --> 00:02:03,487
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
49
00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:05,156
� NOW FACE WEST
50
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:07,184
� THINK ABOUT THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
51
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:09,227
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
52
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,697
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU ARE �
53
00:02:12,764 --> 00:02:16,567
� SO STAND
54
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:28,573
[sighing] WOW.
55
00:02:31,717 --> 00:02:33,651
EXCUSE ME, MISS.
56
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,887
UM, CAN YOU TELL ME
WHERE THE AUDITIONS
ARE BEING HELD FOR THE ZOO...
57
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,355
SHARON?
CHRIS.
58
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:39,757
OH, MY GOD, I'M IN SHOCK.
59
00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:41,959
HERE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST
A NORMAL HOUSEWIFE,
60
00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:44,929
AND ALL ALONG YOU HAD
A SECRET JOB AS A JANITOR.
61
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:47,298
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ORDERING SOME MORE
URINAL PADS?
62
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:49,100
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, ASS,
63
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:52,603
I HAPPEN TO BE
HEAD CHAIRPERSON OF
THE GREENVILLE PLAYERS.
64
00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:55,806
I'M ALSO LEAD ACTRESS
IN THIS PRODUCTION.
65
00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:58,309
SO WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
THE ROLE OF THE TOWN WHORE?
66
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,014
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?
67
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:05,483
5 SIMPLE WORDS, SHARON.
68
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:08,486
I'M HERE TO AUDITION...
69
00:03:09,321 --> 00:03:10,555
MISSY.
70
00:03:13,892 --> 00:03:19,130
YOU? AUDITION FOR A PLACE
IN MY THEATER GROUP?
71
00:03:19,197 --> 00:03:23,334
OH, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN
BREATHING TOO MUCH
NEWSPAPER INK, CHRIS.
72
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:25,770
CACKLE ALL YOU LIKE,
MARGARET HAMILTON,
73
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,006
BUT I'M GONNA LAND
A ROLE IN THIS PLAY.
74
00:03:31,944 --> 00:03:34,212
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
75
00:03:37,149 --> 00:03:40,417
�[piano playing]
� 'CAUSE YOU'RE BORN
76
00:03:40,485 --> 00:03:40,985
� FREE
77
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:47,725
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
POLICE CHIEF SHAFFER,
VERY STIRRING.
78
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:50,595
OH, SORRY.
I SCREWED UP THE 2ND VERSE.
79
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,063
I'M A LITTLE SMASHED.
80
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,497
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
81
00:03:54,099 --> 00:03:55,533
THANK YOU.
82
00:03:57,169 --> 00:03:59,704
NEXT UP, UH, CHRIS PETERSON.
83
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,706
THIS IS THE GUY
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
84
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,074
BRACE YOURSELF.
85
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:13,484
[clearing throat]
86
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,386
I... I WAS PREPARED
TO COME OUT HERE
87
00:04:15,453 --> 00:04:18,174
AND... AND GIVE YOU
A LITTLE EXAMPLE
OF MY SINGING VOICE,
88
00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:20,725
BUT I WAS JUST INFORMED
THAT YOUR PIANIST
89
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,527
DOESN'T HAVE THE SHEET MUSIC
TO DREAM WEAVER.
90
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:27,932
UM, SO INSTEAD,
I THOUGHT I'D RECITE
TO YOU A LITTLE FABLE,
91
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,069
AND I CAN ONLY PRAY
THAT YOU DO NOT GONG ME.
92
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:34,405
ONCE UPON A TIME,
IN A SMALL MIDWESTERN VILLAGE,
93
00:04:34,473 --> 00:04:36,708
THERE LIVED
A YOUNG HANDSOME GOOSE,
94
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:40,144
WHO WANTED DESPERATELY
TO BE IN A LOCAL PRODUCTION
OF A HIT MUSICAL.
95
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:43,014
ON HIS WAY TO THE AUDITION,
96
00:04:43,081 --> 00:04:46,084
THE GOOSE MET UP
WITH AN EVIL, UGLY APE
97
00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:49,020
NAMED SHARON.
98
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,289
SHARON TOLD THE GOOSE
THAT HE COULDN'T APPEAR
IN THE PLAY,
99
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,692
BECAUSE SHE WAS QUEEN APE
OF THE THEATER COMPANY,
100
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,895
AND THERE WERE
NO GEESE ALLOWED.
101
00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:59,397
BUT THE GOOSE DECIDED
TO IGNORE THE UGLY APE,
102
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,499
AND AUDITION ANYWAY.
103
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,436
THE FUNNY THING IS THAT
MY FABLE HAS NO ENDING.
104
00:05:04,503 --> 00:05:07,744
I... I LEAVE THAT
IN YOUR CAPABLE HANDS,
MY DEAR DIRECTOR.
105
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,875
AND NOW, AS A LITTLE BONUS,
106
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:12,610
I'M GONNA DANCE FOR YOU.
107
00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:14,078
OK, HONEY. HIT IT.
108
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:16,180
�[piano playing]
109
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:29,060
[chuckling]
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
IS HE PATHETIC OR WHAT?
110
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,528
HE'S PERFECT.
111
00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:32,763
HE'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
112
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,266
SOMEONE WHO'S NAIVE
AND INNOCENT,
113
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,835
ALMOST BORDERING
ON DIMWITTED.
114
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,937
SOMEONE I CAN
SHAPE AND SCULPT.
115
00:05:40,005 --> 00:05:42,005
(Sharon) HE'S AN AIRHEAD.
116
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,609
I MEAN, IF YOU PUT HIM
IN THIS PRODUCTION,
THEY'LL SHUT US DOWN,
117
00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,312
LIKE THEY DO FREAK SHOWS
IN THE SOUTH.
118
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,452
[piano stops playing]
119
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:55,753
[panting]
120
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,956
�[piano playing]
121
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,196
YOU'RE LOOKING
AT OUR MALE LEAD.
122
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:06,965
ARE YOU INSANE?
123
00:06:07,032 --> 00:06:10,368
WHAT ABOUT JASON?
HE'S BEEN OUR MALE LEAD
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.
124
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:11,869
IT IS DONE.
125
00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:13,538
STOP, MR. PETERSON.
126
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,207
[panting]
127
00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:17,708
CONGRATULATIONS.
128
00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:20,645
YOU HAVE JUST LANDED
THE MALE LEAD
IN OUR PRODUCTION OF
129
00:06:20,712 --> 00:06:23,681
ZOO ANIMALS ON WHEELS.
130
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:25,116
HUH?
131
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,252
REHEARSALS BEGIN
TOMORROW AT NOON.
132
00:06:27,319 --> 00:06:28,853
SEE YOU THEN.
133
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:30,788
[sighing]
134
00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:33,358
OH. OH, SIR.
135
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:36,827
OH, I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR GIVING ME
THIS OPPORTUNITY.
136
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:39,797
YOU KNOW,
IN A WORLD FULL OF CYNICS,
137
00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:41,266
AND PESSIMISTS,
138
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,334
AND ANESTHESIOLOGISTS,
139
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:47,372
IT'S... IT'S COMFORTING TO KNOW
THAT FAIRY TALE ENDINGS
CAN INDEED COME TRUE.
140
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,240
I FEEL LIKE CINDERELLA,
141
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,776
IN MORE WAYS THAN
I CARE TO GO INTO.
142
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:54,679
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
AND I SHAN'T LET YOU DOWN.
143
00:06:56,214 --> 00:06:58,682
HI, SHARON. HI.
144
00:07:02,587 --> 00:07:07,425
�[On Broadwayby George Benson playing]
145
00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:14,032
� THEY SAY THE NEON LIGHTSARE BRIGHT �
146
00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:17,201
� ON BROADWAY
147
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,670
NOW,
148
00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:24,175
THIS PIVOTAL SCENE
WHERE CHRIS,
THE SICKLY WILDEBEEST,
149
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:27,412
KISSES SHARON,
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS,
LADY STRIPES.
150
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,012
WE MUST BELIEVE
151
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,683
THAT THEIR LOVE IS CONVEYED
NOT ONLY FROM THEIR LIPS,
152
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:35,686
BUT FROM THEIR SOULS.
153
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:40,191
� THE GLITTER RUBS RIGHT OFFAND YOU'RE NOWHERE �
154
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,695
GUESS WHAT, SHARON?
I HAD A SUB FOR LUNCH.
155
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:54,104
� THEY SAY THE WOMENTREAT YOU FINE �
156
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,273
� ON BROADWAY
157
00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:02,246
� BUT LOOKIN' AT THEMJUST GIVES ME �
158
00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:05,049
� THE BLUES
159
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,533
� 'CAUSE HOW YA GONNA
160
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,787
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
LOOK AT HIM, WILLIAM.
161
00:08:09,855 --> 00:08:11,623
HE'S AN EMBARRASSMENT.
162
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:15,459
HE'S TURNING A FINE PIECE
OF THEATER INTO SOMETHING
SILLY AND RIDICULOUS.
163
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:16,861
DON'T BE A FOOL.
164
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:18,129
THE MAN'S UNIQUE.
165
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:20,131
HE'S AN ENIGMA.
166
00:08:20,198 --> 00:08:22,199
I HAVEN'T WITNESSED
THIS MUCH STAGE PRESENCE
IN A PERFORMER,
167
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:24,601
SINCE I SAW REDD FOXX
AT THE TROPICANA.
168
00:08:30,275 --> 00:08:33,177
� OOH
169
00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:38,149
� THEY SAY THAT I WON'TLAST TOO LONG �
170
00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:41,119
� ON BROADWAY
171
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:46,023
� I'LL CATCH A GREYHOUND BUSFOR HOME �
172
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:47,792
IT'S SHOWTIME, FOLKS.
173
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,093
� THEY ALL SAY
174
00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:53,564
[people chattering]
175
00:08:53,632 --> 00:08:54,672
[sighing]
176
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:59,970
�[humming]
177
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,307
[clearing throat]
178
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:07,111
(Sharon)
JASON, HOW CAN YOU STAND
BEING PETERSON'S UNDERSTUDY?
179
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:09,047
DON'T YOU FEEL
JUST A LITTLE INSULTED,
180
00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:11,449
THAT A HIDEOUS,
UNTALENTED MORON
181
00:09:11,516 --> 00:09:13,684
HAS THE ROLE
THAT YOU SHOULD PLAY?
182
00:09:14,719 --> 00:09:17,121
WHAT CAN I DO, SHAR?
183
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:21,358
IF I COMPLAIN, THE WHOLE CAST
WOULD THINK I WAS A CLASS "A"
NUMBER ONE BITCH.
184
00:09:21,426 --> 00:09:23,494
OBVIOUSLY,
OUR DEAR DIRECTOR HAS A THING
185
00:09:23,561 --> 00:09:26,163
FOR FAT, BALDING,
AMATEUR TYPES.
186
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:34,706
YOU KNOW, HE'LL PROBABLY
HAVE TO STAND TRIAL
FOR KILLING THE PLAY.
187
00:09:34,773 --> 00:09:36,107
[both laughing]
188
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:37,174
[sobbing]
189
00:09:44,382 --> 00:09:47,084
FINE. HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
190
00:09:47,152 --> 00:09:50,354
SHARON, I WOULDN'T APPEAR
ON THE SAME STAGE WITH YOU
191
00:09:50,421 --> 00:09:53,658
FOR ALL THE MONEY
IN THE OCEAN.
192
00:09:55,794 --> 00:09:57,462
AND YOU.
193
00:09:57,529 --> 00:09:59,430
YOU'RE LUCKY I'M A GENTLEMAN,
194
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,833
AND WOULD NEVER STRIKE A LADY.
195
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:07,204
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
196
00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:09,073
HE ACTUALLY QUIT.
197
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:11,843
OH, THERE IS A GOD.
198
00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,344
(William)
HAS ANYONE SEEN CHRIS?
199
00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:15,379
I HAVE SOME LAST MINUTE
INSTRUCTIONS FOR HIM
200
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:18,582
REGARDING THE SCENE
WHERE HE WRESTLES
THE EVIL MONKEY.
201
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,585
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
202
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:24,188
HE OVERHEARD THESE
2 MAGPIES TRASHING HIM
AND HE RAN OFF.
203
00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:28,392
NOW, WILLIAM,
204
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:31,195
REGARDLESS OF WHAT CAUSED
PETERSON'S DEPARTURE,
205
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:35,432
WE SHOULD FEEL LUCKY
THAT WE HAVE JASON
TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
206
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,302
WELL, I DON'T FEEL
VERY LUCKY, YOU WENCH.
207
00:10:38,369 --> 00:10:40,871
CHRIS PETERSON
ABSOLUTELY EMBODIES
208
00:10:40,939 --> 00:10:44,274
THE TOTAL SPIRIT
OF ZOO ANIMALS ON WHEELS.
209
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:45,710
SHARON,
210
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,578
ALL OF GREENVILLE
IS OUT THERE.
211
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:49,947
YOU EITHER GET
CHRIS BACK RIGHT NOW,
212
00:10:50,015 --> 00:10:51,548
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES,
213
00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:53,457
OR I'LL SEE TO IT
THAT YOU NEVER WORK
214
00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:56,387
IN THIS WORTHLESS,
2-BIT, HICK TOWN AGAIN.
215
00:10:56,454 --> 00:10:58,222
AND FOR THE RECORD,
216
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:02,260
I THINK YOU BOTH ARE
A COUPLE OF CLASS "A"
NUMBER ONE BITCHES.
217
00:11:07,165 --> 00:11:08,665
CHRIS.
218
00:11:08,733 --> 00:11:10,601
HONEY? WHERE ARE YOU?
219
00:11:10,668 --> 00:11:11,703
[crickets chirping]
220
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:14,105
YOU KNOW,
I... I THINK THAT WE SHOULD
221
00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:17,608
CLEAR THE AIR
AND... AND NOT LET
A SILLY MISUNDERSTANDING
222
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:19,410
RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP.
223
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:21,512
CHRIS.
224
00:11:21,579 --> 00:11:24,748
SWEETHEART.
WHERE ARE YOU, SUGAR?
225
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,383
[Chris groaning]
226
00:11:27,085 --> 00:11:28,119
CHRIS?
227
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:36,593
SO, HERE YOU ARE.
228
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:39,997
MY, HOW LOVELY.
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE RETREAT.
229
00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:42,566
HOW DID YOU FIND ME?
230
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:46,403
WELL, IT WASN'T HARD.
I JUST FOLLOWED
THE GOBS OF MAKE-UP.
231
00:11:46,471 --> 00:11:50,808
WELL, HERE I AM.
WHERE I BELONG,
IN MY NEW HOME.
232
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,709
SINCE I PLAYED
A DOG IN THE SHOW,
233
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,145
I GUESS I BELONG
IN A DOGHOUSE.
234
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,580
CHRIS,
235
00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:59,449
YOU PLAY A WILDEBEEST
IN THE SHOW.
236
00:11:59,517 --> 00:12:03,154
WILDEBEEST, SKUNK, DINGO,
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
THEY'RE ALL IN THE DOG FAMILY.
237
00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:04,621
[dogs grunting]
238
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:07,257
CHRIS, SOMETIMES I GET...
239
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:11,061
OH, PARDON ME.
EXCUSE ME, HAIRY MUTT.
240
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:14,532
CHRIS, I...
CHRIS,
241
00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:18,536
SOMETIMES I GET
THE IMPRESSION THAT
YOU THINK I DON'T LIKE YOU.
242
00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:21,738
NOW, JUST BECAUSE
A PERSON GOES THROUGH
HER LIFE LOATHING
243
00:12:21,806 --> 00:12:24,342
AND CRITICIZING
AND RIDICULING ANOTHER PERSON,
244
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:26,444
DOESN'T MEAN SHE HATES HIM.
245
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:30,181
SOMETIMES,
IT MEANS JUST THE OPPOSITE.
246
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,950
YEAH, I THINK THAT'S HOW
IT WORKS ON THE PLANET VENUS.
247
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,686
CHRIS,
248
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:39,523
I CAME AFTER YOU BECAUSE
I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME
I RECOGNIZED YOUR MANY
249
00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:42,526
ADMIRABLE QUALITIES.
250
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,294
OK, GO AHEAD. NAME 'EM.
251
00:12:44,362 --> 00:12:45,429
WELL,
252
00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:47,998
UH...
253
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:50,734
HERE, LET ME GIVE
YOU A LITTLE HINT.
OK.
254
00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:52,369
I'M EXTREMELY GOOD,
255
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:58,442
LO-LO-LO...
256
00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:01,912
I CAN'T SAY THAT, CHRIS.
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME.
257
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:03,747
OK, FINE.
I'LL JUST STAY HERE THEN.
258
00:13:03,882 --> 00:13:06,017
MY GOD,
ARE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE MAN.
259
00:13:06,084 --> 00:13:09,019
WHAT A HANDSOME MAN YOU ARE.
260
00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:11,407
[sighing]
I WONDER HOW
GOOD AN ACTOR I AM.
261
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:13,424
HOW I WISH I HAD
A LITTLE FEEDBACK ON THAT.
262
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,292
CHRIS,
263
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,494
YOU'RE A FABULOUS ACTOR.
YOU'RE THE BEST THING
IN THE PLAY.
264
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:20,130
THEN ALL THAT STUFF
YOU AND JASON WERE SAYING,
265
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:23,400
I... I GUESS, COULD IT BE THAT
YOU GUYS WERE JUST, UH,
266
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:24,635
JEA...
LOUS.
267
00:13:24,702 --> 00:13:26,637
JEALOUS. ABSOLUTELY.
268
00:13:26,704 --> 00:13:28,739
MY GOD, YOU'RE PSYCHIC.
269
00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:31,708
[sighing] ALL RIGHT.
270
00:13:31,776 --> 00:13:34,511
I GUESS YOU'VE KISSED ENOUGH
WILDEBEEST BUTT FOR ONE NIGHT.
271
00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:35,979
I'LL COME BACK.
272
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:38,181
FIRST, I HAVE ONE LAST
IMPORTANT QUESTION.
273
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:39,349
YES.
274
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,285
WHICH ONE OF
THESE DOGS HAS GAS?
275
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:46,390
�[music playing]
276
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,594
(William)SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME,
277
00:13:50,662 --> 00:13:54,331
ZOO ANIMALS HAVE SATPATIENTLY IN THEIR CAGES,
278
00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:57,467
WHILE WE HUMANS,STARED, POINTED,
279
00:13:57,535 --> 00:14:00,304
AND THREW CANDY AT THEM.
280
00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:03,140
BUT, OH, WHAT A MAGICAL DAYIT WOULD BE
281
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:07,078
IF THESE CONFINED BEASTSCOULD LEAP FROM THEIR CAGES,
282
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:10,280
FREE TO SING, FREE TO FROLIC,
283
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:13,851
FREE TO ROLLER SKATE.
284
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,486
ALL RIGHT, GLADYS,
THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.
LET'S GO.
285
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:19,056
FRED, SIT DOWN.
286
00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:21,959
�[piano playing]
287
00:14:23,161 --> 00:14:26,931
� I'M A GIRAFFE,
I'M A GIRAFFE �
288
00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:29,933
� I'M A GIRAFFE,
I'M A GIRAFFE �
289
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:33,637
� I HAVE A LONG NECK,
I HAVE A LONG NECK �
290
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:37,307
� 'CAUSE I'M A GIRAFFE,
I'M A GIRAFFE �
291
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,509
[piano stops playing]
292
00:14:39,577 --> 00:14:42,279
CLEAR SOMETHIN'
UP FOR ME, GLADYS.
IS HE A GIRAFFE?
293
00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:43,380
SHH.
294
00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:47,484
�[piano playing]
295
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:51,789
� I'M A CRANKY OLD SEAL
AND I LIVE UPON THE ICE �
296
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:56,326
� BUT IF YOU THROW ME A FISH
I'LL ACT VERY NICE �
297
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,663
I'D LIKE TO THROW
A ROCK AT HER.
298
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:00,797
FRED.
299
00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:03,567
�[piano playing]
300
00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:11,108
[gasping]
301
00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:19,216
SHOOT ME, GLADYS.
302
00:15:19,284 --> 00:15:21,785
I'LL GIVE YOU A MILLION BUCKS,
JUST SHOOT ME.
303
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:29,392
� I'M THE LONELY WILDEBEEST
304
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:32,763
� PROUD YET FRAIL
FROM MY NOSE �
305
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:35,833
� TO MY TAIL
306
00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:40,338
� BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS
307
00:15:40,405 --> 00:15:43,941
� I'VE GOT WHEELS
ON MY SHOES �
308
00:15:44,008 --> 00:15:47,445
� AND WITH SOME MUSIC
TO GUIDE ME �
309
00:15:47,512 --> 00:15:52,349
� I KNOW I CAN'T LOSE
310
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,584
EVERYBODY, COME ON.
311
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:06,097
� AND THAT'S THE OPENING,
FRIENDS �
312
00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:07,732
� BOOM BOOM
313
00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:09,466
[laughing]
314
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:10,774
[inaudible]
315
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:15,239
[roller skates creaking]
316
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:24,781
DON'T BE SAD,
WISE OLD, JELLICLE HIPPO.
317
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:28,518
I KNOW YOU'RE DYING
OF THIRST AND THIS VILLAGE
HAS NO WATER,
318
00:16:28,586 --> 00:16:31,922
BUT, HEY, I KNOW SOMETHING
THAT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
319
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:36,459
WHAT'S THE ONE THING
ALL ZOO ANIMALS LOVE
WHEN THEY'RE SAD?
320
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:39,296
(all) A LIGHT SHOW.
321
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:42,600
THAT'S RIGHT,
A LIGHT SHOW WITH DISCO MUSIC.
322
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,034
EVERYONE DANCE.
323
00:16:44,101 --> 00:16:47,304
�[music playing]
324
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:02,018
GLADYS, IS IT ACTUALLY
MEDICALLY POSSIBLE
TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT?
325
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,525
� LIVING IN A ZOO
326
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:12,095
� CAN BE VERY SAD
327
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:15,666
� PEOPLE STARE AT YOU
AND MAKE YOU MAD �
328
00:17:17,268 --> 00:17:23,039
� OH, HOW I WONDER
WHAT THEY WOULD DO �
329
00:17:23,107 --> 00:17:27,978
� IF ANIMALS STARED
AT THEM LIKE
THEY WERE IN A ZOO �
330
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:33,216
(all) � HOW DO YOU LIKE IT
331
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:37,555
� WHEN WE STARE AT YOU
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD �
332
00:17:37,622 --> 00:17:40,523
� NOW ISN'T THAT TRUE?
333
00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:43,727
� HOW DO YOU LIKE IT
334
00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:47,397
� WHEN WE STARE AT YOU
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD �
335
00:17:48,132 --> 00:17:50,167
� NOW ISN'T THAT TRUE?
336
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,871
[screaming]
337
00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:57,541
YOU LOUSY BASTARD.
I'LL KILL YOU.
338
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,477
OK, GLADYS, NOW'S OUR CHANCE.
339
00:17:59,544 --> 00:18:01,545
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED.
340
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:04,414
(Gladys)
OH, DO YOU THINK
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT?
341
00:18:04,482 --> 00:18:07,250
[Chris screaming]
YEAH, THE GUY IN THE
LLAMA SUIT WILL BACK HIM UP.
342
00:18:07,318 --> 00:18:08,351
MOVE IT, SEALY.
343
00:18:08,419 --> 00:18:10,420
[screaming]
344
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:18,061
OUT OF MY WAY,
YOU MEDDLING GUARDSMEN,
345
00:18:18,129 --> 00:18:20,363
FOR I HAVE A DATE WITH
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS,
346
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:21,965
LADY STRIPES.
347
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:26,336
YOU? A POOR, HOMELY WILDEBEEST
HAVE A DATE WITH LADY STRIPES.
348
00:18:26,404 --> 00:18:29,606
THAT IS SO FUNNY A THOUGHT.
I THINK WE SHALL LAUGH NOW.
349
00:18:32,643 --> 00:18:37,047
SILENCE.
SILENCE, YOU WRETCHED HYENAS.
350
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:39,916
OH, MY, SUDDENLY
WE'RE VERY QUIET, AREN'T WE?
351
00:18:39,984 --> 00:18:41,318
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD,
352
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:45,756
NO ONE SHALL MOCK
THE FAT, KINDLY WILDEBEEST.
353
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,943
I DON'T REMEMBER THE WORD
"FAT" BEING IN THE SCRIPT.
354
00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:49,827
OH, BE GONE, SERVANTS.
355
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:57,567
FOR YOU
HAVE JUST INSULTED MY FUTURE
356
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,137
PRINCE.
357
00:19:00,204 --> 00:19:02,772
OH, YOUR HIGHNESS,
358
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:05,375
I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
359
00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,778
I GUESS THE ONLY THING
LEFT FOR US TO DO
360
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,613
IS KISS EACH OTHER.
361
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,083
OH, GOD.
362
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:41,311
I'LL BET THE OLD MAN
NEVER GAVE YOU
ONE LIKE THAT, HUH?
363
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:48,818
AND NOW, WE SHALL RULE
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM TOGETHER,
364
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,487
AS MAN AND WIFE.
365
00:19:50,554 --> 00:19:53,023
AND HERE'S
OUR FIRST PROCLAMATION.
366
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,524
�[fanfare playing]
367
00:19:57,395 --> 00:19:58,761
NO MORE ZOOS,
368
00:19:58,829 --> 00:20:00,297
NO MORE CAGES,
369
00:20:00,364 --> 00:20:01,665
ONLY ROLLER SKATES,
370
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:02,765
DISCO MUSIC,
371
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:04,634
AND AN OCCASIONAL LIGHT SHOW.
372
00:20:04,702 --> 00:20:06,970
SO, ZOO ANIMALS, REJOICE,
373
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:09,572
FOR WE ARE ALL FREE.
374
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,641
�[music playing]
375
00:20:15,646 --> 00:20:19,449
(all)
� WE'RE ZOO ANIMALS
ON WHEELS �
376
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,552
� THAT'S WHAT WE ARE
377
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:26,123
� WE'RE ZOO ANIMALS
ON WHEELS �
378
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:29,727
� WE'RE PROUD
WE'VE COME SO FAR �
379
00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:33,263
� WE'RE FINALLY FREE
TO SING AND SKATE �
380
00:20:33,331 --> 00:20:36,766
� UPON THE STREET
AND ON THE LAKE �
381
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:40,003
� WE'RE ZOO ANIMALS
382
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:44,874
� ON WHEELS
383
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:57,520
CLAP KIDS.
384
00:20:57,588 --> 00:20:59,757
PRETENDING TO ENJOY
SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY DIDN'T,
385
00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:01,864
IS AN IMPORTANT,
ADULT SOCIAL SKILL.
386
00:21:16,107 --> 00:21:17,407
NICE JOB, SHARON.
387
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:19,777
LINDA BLAIR COULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT BETTER HERSELF.
388
00:21:19,844 --> 00:21:21,945
WHY, THANK YOU, CHRIS.
389
00:21:22,013 --> 00:21:24,548
YOU ACTUALLY ENDED UP
DOING QUITE WELL YOURSELF.
390
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:26,616
CONGRATULATIONS.
391
00:21:26,684 --> 00:21:27,851
YOU KNOW, SHARON,
392
00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:30,853
I DON'T THINK I CAN KEEP
THIS MOMENT TO MYSELF.
393
00:21:30,921 --> 00:21:32,722
GIVE ME A SECOND.
EXCUSE ME. AHEM.
394
00:21:32,790 --> 00:21:36,310
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HI.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
FOR ONE MOMENT, PLEASE?
395
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,494
THANK YOU.
396
00:21:37,561 --> 00:21:39,262
I WOULD JUST LIKE
TO SAY THAT,
397
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:40,697
DOING THIS PLAY
398
00:21:40,764 --> 00:21:43,500
HAS BEEN THE MOST WONDERFUL
EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.
399
00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:46,970
MAINLY BECAUSE
I FORGED A RELATIONSHIP,
400
00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:48,671
WITH MY LEADING LADY,
401
00:21:48,739 --> 00:21:51,041
THE VERY LOVELY,
THE VERY TALENTED,
402
00:21:51,109 --> 00:21:54,344
MISS SHARON POTTER.
SHARON, COME OUT HERE.
403
00:21:54,412 --> 00:21:55,913
[all clapping] THANK YOU.
404
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:58,182
BUT I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR,
HOWEVER.
405
00:21:58,249 --> 00:22:02,186
THAT DESPITE OUR STEAMY,
PASSIONATE LOVE SCENE
DURING THE PLAY,
406
00:22:02,253 --> 00:22:05,655
UH, OFFSTAGE
SHARON AND I DO NOT JUMP
EACH OTHER'S BONES.
407
00:22:05,723 --> 00:22:08,024
ALTHOUGH, UH,
GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY,
408
00:22:08,092 --> 00:22:09,426
AND I THINK I SPEAK
FOR SHARON,
409
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:13,630
WE PROBABLY COULD BECAUSE,
DURING OUR NOW LEGENDARY KISS,
410
00:22:13,698 --> 00:22:17,834
I THINK WE BOTH FELT, UH,
PECULIAR STIRRINGS,
YOU KNOW WHERE.
411
00:22:17,902 --> 00:22:21,505
SO THE NEXT 350
PERFORMANCES ARE GOING
TO BE KIND OF INTERESTING,
412
00:22:21,572 --> 00:22:22,573
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
413
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,107
[Chris screaming]
414
00:22:24,175 --> 00:22:25,174
[thudding]
415
00:22:31,082 --> 00:22:32,215
�[piano playing]30759
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