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1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:04,235
[clearing throat]
2
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:08,873
[sniffs]
3
00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:11,543
HOW DO I LOOK?
4
00:00:11,610 --> 00:00:13,345
FRED, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO TAKE THIS ONE?
5
00:00:13,412 --> 00:00:15,492
WELL, IT'S, AH,
NOT AN OUTFIT
6
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,781
I WOULD HAVE PUT TOGETHER,
7
00:00:16,849 --> 00:00:20,085
BUT IT LOOKS VERY SMART
ON YOU, SON.
8
00:00:20,152 --> 00:00:23,221
YOU'RE NOT GOING OUTSIDE
WITH THAT WET HAIR,
ARE YOU, DEAR?
9
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:24,822
MOM, MY HAIR ISN'T WET.
10
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:26,424
I PUT VITALIS IN IT.
11
00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:28,859
LOOK, IT'S IN A COOL DUCKTAIL,
JUST LIKE DAD'S.
12
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:31,983
CHRIS, YOU'RE NOT BECOMING
ONE OF THOSE
13
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:35,534
MAFIA WISE-GUY GOODFELLAS,
ARE YA?
14
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,736
[chuckling] DAD, COME ON.
15
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,639
THAT KIND OF BREAK
TAKES THE SORT OF CONNECTIONS
I JUST DON'T HAVE.
16
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,573
NO, I'M ALL DRESSED UP
LIKE THIS
17
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:44,308
BECAUSE MY BOSS
WANTS TO SEE ME,
18
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:48,046
AND I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
I'M GETTING A PROMOTION.
19
00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:50,148
A PROMOTION.
20
00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:52,550
OH, CHRIS,
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
21
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,085
DO YOU THINK
IT'LL BE A DESK JOB?
22
00:00:54,153 --> 00:00:57,255
MA, PLEASE, NO.
23
00:00:57,322 --> 00:01:01,059
I'M AS MUCH A PART OF
THE STREETS AS THE GUM ON
THE SIDEWALK IS,
24
00:01:01,126 --> 00:01:03,227
AS THE CIGARETTE BUTTS
AND THE CRACKS,
25
00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:07,131
AS THE WORMS THAT COME OUT
AFTER A SUMMER'S RAIN
26
00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:10,368
TO MAKE SWEET LOVE
UNDER THE HOT AFTERNOON SUN.
27
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,638
I'M SORRY,
I'M GETTING WAY TOO POETIC.
28
00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:15,139
NO, I'LL NEVER
GIVE UP THE STREETS.
29
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:18,009
WELL, IT'S NICE TO
SEE SUCH DEDICATION.
30
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:20,445
IT'S ASININE
AND IT'S MISGUIDED,
31
00:01:20,512 --> 00:01:21,913
BUT IT'S DEDICATION.
32
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,314
THANKS, DAD.
33
00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,116
THEY PROBABLY WANT TO
EXPAND MY TERRITORY
34
00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:26,784
TO REWARD A JOB WELL DONE.
35
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,773
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S GONNA COST 'EM.
36
00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:31,622
HERE'S MY LIST OF DEMANDS.
37
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,926
UH, "APPLY CREAM TO
AFFECTED AREA TWICE DAILY."
38
00:01:34,993 --> 00:01:38,463
OH, I'M SORRY THAT'S
MY OINTMENT INSTRUCTIONS.
39
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:39,931
DON'T ASK, DAD.
40
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:41,600
DON'T WORRY, I WON'T.
41
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,969
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST ACCEPT
WHAT THEY OFFER YOU, DEAR.
42
00:01:45,037 --> 00:01:47,272
MA, THAT'S THE KIND OF
ROLL OVER ATTITUDE
43
00:01:47,339 --> 00:01:50,575
THAT HAS US STILL DRIVING
A MONTE CARLO
INSTEAD OF A HOVERCRAFT.
44
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:53,845
CHRIS, YOU CAN'T DRIVE
A HOVERCRAFT ON
A HIGHWAY.
45
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,414
DAD, I DON'T WANT TO
GET INTO THIS ARGUMENT
WITH YOU AGAIN, OK?
46
00:01:56,481 --> 00:01:59,384
THE POINT IS,
I HAVE THE NEWSPAPER
RIGHT WHERE I WANT 'EM.
47
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:01,319
HERE'S MY REAL
LIST OF DEMANDS.
48
00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:03,321
I NEED A PADDED SEAT
FOR MY BIKE,
49
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:05,623
A THERMOS AND A MISTRESS.
50
00:02:05,691 --> 00:02:08,659
ON 24 HOUR CALL, 7 DAYS A WEEK
51
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:12,364
BYE.
52
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:13,931
GOOD LUCK, DEAR.
53
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,838
GLADYS, IF THEY GIVE HIM
A MISTRESS,
54
00:02:20,906 --> 00:02:22,907
I'M GETTING A PAPER ROUTE.
55
00:02:22,974 --> 00:02:24,342
OH, FRED.
56
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,043
�[Stand by R.E.M. playing]
57
00:02:26,111 --> 00:02:28,012
[bicycle bell ringing]
58
00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:36,120
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
59
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:37,622
� NOW FACE NORTH
60
00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:39,257
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
61
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,859
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
62
00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:44,695
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
63
00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,531
� NOW FACE WEST
64
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,699
� THINK ABOUT THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
65
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,735
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
66
00:02:50,802 --> 00:02:53,304
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
67
00:02:53,372 --> 00:02:55,173
� NOW FACE NORTH
68
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,874
� THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
69
00:02:56,942 --> 00:02:59,110
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
70
00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:02,179
� NOW STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU WORK �
71
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,115
� NOW FACE WEST
72
00:03:04,182 --> 00:03:06,142
� THINK ABOUT THE PLACEWHERE YOU LIVE �
73
00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:08,286
� WONDER WHYYOU HAVEN'T BEFORE �
74
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:11,890
� STAND IN THE PLACEWHERE YOU ARE �
75
00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:15,493
� SO STAND
76
00:03:16,061 --> 00:03:17,062
[birds chirping]
77
00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:20,699
(Mr. Martin)
MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME PETERSON.
78
00:03:20,766 --> 00:03:22,433
THANKS, RONNY.
79
00:03:28,974 --> 00:03:30,775
PETERSON, HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN A PAPERBOY?
80
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:35,747
UH, WELL, LET'S SEE NOW,
THERE'S, UH, 1, 2, 3.
81
00:03:35,814 --> 00:03:38,950
UH, 18 YEARS IN JANUARY.
82
00:03:39,017 --> 00:03:41,052
WELL, FOR MANY OF
THOSE 18 YEARS
83
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,654
YOU'VE BEEN
A VALUED EMPLOYEE.
84
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,690
WELL, THANKS RONNY,
I... I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY.
85
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:47,792
AND AS YOU KNOW,
HERE AT THE PAPER
WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
86
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,861
FOR WAYS TO
IMPROVE PERFORMANCE.
87
00:03:49,928 --> 00:03:51,262
WELL, YEAH, ME, TOO.
88
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,097
LIKE WHEN I WAS
TAKING STEROIDS, REMEMBER?
89
00:03:53,165 --> 00:03:54,933
IT'S TERRIBLE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU STOP THOUGH,
90
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,760
THE MUSCLE JUST TURNS
RIGHT TO FAT.
91
00:03:58,270 --> 00:03:59,737
[clearing throat]
92
00:03:59,805 --> 00:04:02,307
MMM, NOW THIS CHART
93
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:03,975
REPRESENTS THE PRODUCTIVITY
94
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,944
WE COULD EXPECT
FROM THE AVERAGE
12-YEAR-OLD PAPERBOY.
95
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,113
OF COURSE YOUR RESULTS ARE
SOMEWHAT BETTER
96
00:04:09,181 --> 00:04:12,317
SINCE YOU'VE MASTERED THE JOB
OVER THE LAST 2 DECADES.
97
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:13,918
ARE YOU WITH ME SO FAR?
98
00:04:13,986 --> 00:04:15,666
UH, WELL, ACTUALLY,
TO BE HONEST,
99
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,122
I'M A LITTLE MORE
COMFORTABLE WITH PIE GRAPHS.
100
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,657
BUT PLEASE CONTINUE.
101
00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:21,025
WELL, AS... AS YOU CAN SEE
102
00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:24,161
WE'VE HAD
GENERALLY GOOD PERFORMANCE
WITH JUST A FEW DIPS
103
00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,831
REPRESENTING SICK DAYS
AND VACATIONS,
104
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:29,801
BUT ON THE WHOLE
WE'VE BEEN QUITE PLEASED
WITH THE RESULTS.
105
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,803
I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S COMING.
106
00:04:32,904 --> 00:04:35,072
THAT'S WHY WE'RE SORRY
TO LOSE YOU.
107
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,775
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
108
00:04:38,744 --> 00:04:40,812
THERE'S A NEW
PAPERBOY IN TOWN.
109
00:04:40,879 --> 00:04:45,450
LET ME INTRODUCE
PAPERBOY 2000.
110
00:04:45,517 --> 00:04:48,552
THE HIGH-TECH ANSWER TO
NEWSPAPER DELIVERY.
111
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:52,090
THIS MACHINE DOES THE WORK OF
ALL OUR PAPERBOYS FASTER
112
00:04:52,157 --> 00:04:53,557
AND IN A MUCH MORE
ECONOMICAL FASHION.
113
00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:57,796
IN FACT,
WE ESTIMATE SAVING OF
UP TO $4 A WEEK.
114
00:04:57,863 --> 00:05:00,231
$4 A WEEK?
115
00:05:00,298 --> 00:05:01,533
I KNOW IT DOESN'T
SOUND LIKE MUCH,
116
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,736
BUT OVER THE COURSE OF A YEAR
IT REALLY ADDS UP.
117
00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,203
WELL, I GUESS
IF YOU PUT IT THAT WAY
118
00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:07,839
IT DOES KIND OF
SOUND IMPRESSIVE.
119
00:05:07,906 --> 00:05:09,140
WOW, WHAT A DAY.
120
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,328
YOU GOT THIS FANCY
NEW MACHINE
AND I'M GETTING A RAISE.
121
00:05:11,376 --> 00:05:13,111
LET'S GO OUT
AND HAVE A PARTY.
122
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:16,014
PETERSON, YOU'RE NOT
COMPREHENDING THIS, ARE YOU?
YOU'RE FIRED.
123
00:05:17,149 --> 00:05:19,117
WHAT?
124
00:05:19,184 --> 00:05:21,820
WELL, THIS IS JUST
A BLATANT CASE OF
SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION,
125
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:24,122
CUT AND DRY AND WRAPPED UP
WITH A LITTLE BOW.
126
00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:27,658
NO, IT'S BECAUSE
OF PAPERBOY 2000.
127
00:05:27,726 --> 00:05:30,161
TIME MARCHES ON, PETERSON.
128
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:33,731
SOON PAPERBOY 2000 WILL BE
A STAPLE OF AMERICAN LIFE.
129
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:35,500
MARK MY WORDS, PETERSON,
130
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:37,835
IF NORMAN ROCKWELL WERE
ALIVE TODAY,
131
00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:39,370
HE'D BE PAINTING THIS BABY.
132
00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:41,639
WAIT A SECOND.
133
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:43,240
NORMAN ROCKWELL'S DEAD?
134
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,444
GOSH!
135
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:49,713
YOU KNOW, I JUST NEED ABOUT
5 HOURS OF QUIET TIME
ALONE IN THIS OFFICE, PLEASE.
136
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:56,421
DON'T WORRY, PETERSON,
I'M SURE YOU'LL LAND
ON YOUR FEET.
137
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:59,256
WELL, TO BE HONEST
I HAVE MY DOUBTS ABOUT THAT.
138
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,859
ANYWAY, PASS THE NEWS ON
TO THE OTHER PAPERBOYS.
139
00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:03,661
TOMORROW IS YOUR LAST DAY.
140
00:06:03,729 --> 00:06:04,729
[moans]
141
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:14,004
DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE
POSSIBLE ON MY LAST DAY
142
00:06:14,072 --> 00:06:16,707
FOR YOU TO PROVIDE ME
WITH A MISTRESS?
143
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,657
OH, DR. KRAMER.
THANKS FOR COMING.
144
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,091
MRS. WHITMAN.
145
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,461
WE'RE HERE TO
SUPPORT YOU, CHRIS.
146
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:39,368
YOU KNOW, CHRIS,
LOSING A JOB IS
ONE OF THE LEADING CAUSES
147
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,231
OF STRESS-RELATED ILLNESS.
148
00:06:41,299 --> 00:06:44,035
SO WHAT EVER YOU DO,
TRY NOT TO DIE.
149
00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:46,070
WELL, I'LL TRY, DOC.
150
00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:50,041
THIS IS A TERRIBLE THING,
BEING REPLACED BY A MACHINE.
151
00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:51,910
IT'S LIKE 1984.YES.
152
00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:55,346
UH, THE YEAR'S 1990, DOC,
153
00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,315
BUT, UH, I APPRECIATE
THE SENTIMENT.
154
00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:01,452
LET'S GET STARTED.
LET'S SETTLE DOWN.
155
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,654
LET'S SETTLE DOWN, PEOPLE.
156
00:07:03,722 --> 00:07:08,426
I KNOW WE'RE ALL SO ANXIOUS
TO HEAR FROM OUR OWN
CHRIS PETERSON.
157
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:17,568
HE CALLED THIS MEETING
TO DISCUSS HIS PAPER ROUTE,
158
00:07:17,636 --> 00:07:20,237
BUT FIRST IS THERE
ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
159
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,941
SHARON POTTER, VERY WELL.
160
00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:29,213
(Sharon)
THANK YOU MRS. TROGDEN.
161
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:30,881
[sighing]
162
00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:34,152
RESIDENTS OF GREENVILLE,
WE ARE ALL IN GRAVE DANGER.
163
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,388
THE RESULTS OF
THE TESTS ARE IN
AND IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED
164
00:07:37,455 --> 00:07:39,757
THERE ARE DANGEROUSLY
HIGH LEVELS OF RAYDON
165
00:07:39,825 --> 00:07:41,225
IN GREENVILLE'S BASEMENTS.
166
00:07:41,293 --> 00:07:43,160
NOW WE MUST DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS PROBLEM.
167
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:44,461
IF WE DON'T...
OK, SHARON.
168
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,463
WHOA, BOY!
WAR OF THE WORLDS.
169
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,699
OH, THEY'RE ALL COMIN' DOWN
WITH RAY GUNS.
170
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:50,134
I'M SO SCARED.
171
00:07:50,202 --> 00:07:52,670
OK, I THINK OFFICER BURRELL
HAS SOME DOCUMENTS
FOR YOU TO SIGN.
172
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,072
THERE SHE GOES.
SHARON POTTER,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
173
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,708
WASN'T SHE WONDERFUL?
174
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:59,244
OH, MY, ALWAYS WITH
THE HOLLYWOOD CAUSES.
175
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:01,246
SHE INSULTED ME
AND SHE INSULTED ALL OF YOU.
176
00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:04,074
BUT NOW SHE'S GONE
AND IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY OPENED
A WINDOW IN HERE, HUH?
177
00:08:04,082 --> 00:08:05,316
[all laughing]
178
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:07,785
NOW ON TO THINGS
THAT WE ALL REALLY CARE ABOUT.
179
00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:10,455
AS MOST OF YOU
HAVE ALREADY PROBABLY HEARD,
180
00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:12,602
ALL THE PAPERBOYS
WERE FIRED TODAY.
181
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:13,992
[all gasping]
182
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,160
THAT'S RIGHT,
BUT THE WORST THING
ABOUT ALL THIS
183
00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:18,696
IS THAT WE'RE BEING REPLACED
BY A MACHINE.
184
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:21,064
(all) NO.
185
00:08:21,132 --> 00:08:24,935
NOW, I KNOW THAT
AS A PAPERBOY,
I HAVE A FEW FAULTS.
186
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,238
NO, CHRIS,
YOU'RE A GREAT PAPERBOY.
187
00:08:27,372 --> 00:08:30,174
LARRY I KNOW, IT JUST ADDED
A NICE RHYTHM IN MY SPEECH.
188
00:08:30,242 --> 00:08:32,076
NO MACHINE COULD REPLACE YOU.
189
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:33,611
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
190
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,119
(all) YEAH!
191
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:36,948
WAIT!
192
00:08:37,015 --> 00:08:40,151
BEFORE YOU MAKE A DECISION
I THINK YOU SHOULD HEAR MORE
193
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,987
ABOUT OUR HIGH-TECH FRIEND.
194
00:08:43,054 --> 00:08:46,224
PICTURE HAVING YOUR
PAPER DELIVERED
195
00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:47,991
BY A STATE-OF-THE-ART,
196
00:08:49,094 --> 00:08:52,329
SLEEK, SHINY,
197
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:55,400
WHISPER-QUIET, ROBOTIC BUDDY
198
00:08:56,568 --> 00:09:00,304
WITH IT'S OWN GUIDANCE SYSTEM.
199
00:09:00,371 --> 00:09:01,372
WOW!
200
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,106
OUR VERY OWN ROBOT?
201
00:09:03,174 --> 00:09:05,810
ARE YOU SAYING
IT'S JUST LIKE LIVING
IN OUTER SPACE?
202
00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:08,713
YES, VERY MUCH
LIKE LIVING IN SPACE.
203
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:11,449
YOU MEAN, LIKE THE JETSONS?
204
00:09:11,516 --> 00:09:14,418
YES.
THE JETSONS.
205
00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:15,920
WHEN CAN WE SEE IT?
206
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,090
[all clamoring]
IT'S IDLING RIGHT OUTSIDE.
207
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,124
WAIT, WAIT.
208
00:09:21,192 --> 00:09:24,295
NO, DON'T GO. IT'S A TRICK.
209
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:28,799
HE'S THE DEVIL.
DON'T GO. LARRY, LARRY?
210
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:31,569
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?
211
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,671
I DON'T KNOW.
IT JUST SOUNDS KIND OF NEAT.
212
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,442
[all clamoring]
213
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,272
IT'S COOLER THAN
THE BATMOBILE.
214
00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,807
HEY, WAIT. DON'T GO FOLKS.
215
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,142
IT'S JUST A FAD.
216
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,445
REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WITH
THE METRIC SYSTEM?
217
00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:50,882
EVERYBODY HAD SUCH
HIGH HOPES AND THEN NOTHING.
218
00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:53,450
[kids screaming]
219
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,559
I'M WORRIED ABOUT CHRIS.
220
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:05,529
HE'S BEEN SO DEPRESSED
SINCE HE LOST HIS JOB
TO PAPERBOY 2000.
221
00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:08,765
WELL, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
WE HAVE BEEN GETTING
THE PAPER EARLIER
222
00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:10,367
AND IN BETTER CONDITION.
223
00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:12,603
PLUS, IT'S A LOT
LIKE LIVING IN SPACE.
224
00:11:14,572 --> 00:11:16,040
HI, DAD.
HI, MOM.
225
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,609
MY! YOU'RE IN AN AWFULLY
GOOD MOOD THIS MORNING.
226
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:19,910
(Chris) THAT'S RIGHT.
227
00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:22,379
YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT
I REALIZED I HAD TO
THINK THINGS OUT.
228
00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:24,849
SO I GAVE MYSELF
A FULL-BODY HERBAL RUBDOWN.
229
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:26,650
[moans]
230
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:28,385
AND I REALIZED THAT
231
00:11:28,453 --> 00:11:31,055
I REALLY SHOULD HAVE
GIVEN UP MY PAPER ROUTE
A LONG TIME AGO.
232
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,623
YEAH, LIKE MAYBE WHEN YOU WERE
12 YEARS OLD?
233
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:35,860
YOU KNOW, I KNOW NOW THAT
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
234
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,628
THERE'S GOT TO BE
A BETTER JOB FOR ME.
235
00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:39,063
I MEAN I COULD BE ANYTHING.
236
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:41,365
I COULD BE, UH, A JET PILOT,
237
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:43,300
OR... OR MAYBE A POLICEMAN,
238
00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:47,772
OR THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES,
OR MAYBE A COWBOY.
239
00:11:47,839 --> 00:11:49,873
THE POINT IS,
I'M NOT GOING TO
LET THIS GET ME DOWN.
240
00:11:49,941 --> 00:11:52,075
I'M GONNA GO OUT THERE,
I'M GONNA POUND THE PAVEMENT
241
00:11:52,143 --> 00:11:53,577
UNTIL I FIND A BETTER JOB
242
00:11:53,645 --> 00:11:56,146
AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET
ANYTHING BETWEEN
THE MOON AND NEW YORK CITY
243
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,348
STOP ME.
244
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:03,387
[grunting]
245
00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:05,890
[whining] THIS DOOR'S LOCKED.
246
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:11,061
OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
I'VE FAILED.
247
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,463
I'M A LOSER.
248
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:17,634
WELL, HE GAVE IT
HIS BEST SHOT, GLADYS.
249
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,605
[moaning]
250
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:26,443
[knocking on door]
251
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:28,391
[door opening] COME IN.
252
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:32,316
OH, CHRIS, ARE YOU OK?
253
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,618
YOUR FATHER AND I
ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOU,
RIGHT, FRED?
254
00:12:34,686 --> 00:12:38,355
OH, MY GOD,
LOOK AT THIS GARBAGE SCOW.
255
00:12:38,423 --> 00:12:42,126
I DIDN'T REALIZE
HOW BAD OFF
YOU REALLY WERE, CHRIS.
256
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,328
YOU'VE COMPLETELY
BOTTOMED OUT.
257
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:47,298
OH, NO, FRED, HIS ROOM'S
ALWAYS BEEN THIS VILE
AND DISGUSTING.
258
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,066
HE'S JUST KIND OF A PIG.
259
00:12:49,134 --> 00:12:50,434
WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF.
260
00:12:50,502 --> 00:12:53,037
NO, DAD, YOU'RE RIGHT.
261
00:12:53,104 --> 00:12:55,338
I HAVE JUST KIND OF
LET MYSELF GO.
262
00:12:55,406 --> 00:12:57,975
LOOK AT ME.
I LOOK LIKE FOSTER BROOKS.
263
00:12:58,042 --> 00:13:00,043
REMEMBER, HE'S THE GENTLEMAN
FROM THOSE ROASTS,
264
00:13:00,111 --> 00:13:01,546
AND HE'D COME OUT
AND HE'D HICCUP...
265
00:13:01,613 --> 00:13:03,314
WE KNOW WHO HE IS, CHRIS.
266
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:07,251
OH, HE'D MAKE US LAUGH
AND FORGET OUR PROBLEMS
FOR A WHILE.
267
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:10,921
I COULD SURE GO FOR A VISIT
FROM GOOD OLD FOSTER BROOKS
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
268
00:13:10,989 --> 00:13:12,990
GLADYS.
269
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:16,260
DO YOU THINK TOO MUCH T.V.
AS A KID CAN MAKE YOU
AN IDIOT?
270
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,863
OH, I MISS MY OLD JOB.
271
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:22,033
I MISS SITTING SNUGLY
ON MY BICYCLE SEAT,
272
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,768
GOING OVER PARTICULARLY
BUMPY PARTS OF THE ROAD
273
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,603
AND THINKING ABOUT GIRLS.
274
00:13:27,739 --> 00:13:29,507
FRED, SAY SOMETHING TO HIM.
275
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:32,309
[clears throat]
GIVE HIM ONE OF YOUR
PEP TALKS.
276
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,213
CHRIS?
277
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,048
KNOCK IT OFF.
YOU'RE DRIVING US NUTS.
278
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:40,671
OK, I THINK WE
GOT THROUGH TO HIM.
279
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:42,639
LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
280
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,555
�[bells chiming]
281
00:13:45,623 --> 00:13:47,191
OH, FRED,
282
00:13:47,258 --> 00:13:50,127
LOOK, IT'S PAPERBOY 2000.
283
00:13:50,194 --> 00:13:51,528
I NEVER THOUGHT
WE'D LIVE TO SEE
284
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,164
SOMETHING LIKE THIS
IN OUR LIFETIME.
285
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,998
[groaning]
286
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,667
(Fred) NICE JOB, GLADYS.
287
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:59,269
MY LITTLE SPEECH WAS
JUST BEGINNING TO SINK IN.
288
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:01,539
OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.
289
00:14:01,606 --> 00:14:04,141
I KIND OF MISS YOU DELIVERING
OUR NEWSPAPERS TO US,
290
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:06,210
BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
291
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,446
[echoing]
NO ONE CAN BEAT A MACHINE.
292
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:14,117
WAIT A SECOND, MA.
293
00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:15,986
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
294
00:14:16,054 --> 00:14:17,621
I'M GONNA...
295
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,322
WAIT, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
296
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:20,691
BEAT A MACHINE?
297
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,693
YEAH, THAT. THANKS.
298
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:24,895
THANKS.
299
00:14:28,566 --> 00:14:30,935
HE'S GONNA MAKE A HORSE'S ASS
OUT OF HIMSELF.
300
00:15:54,185 --> 00:15:57,821
THEY WANT HIGH-TECH,
I'LL GIVE 'EM HIGH-TECH.
301
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,438
HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY.
302
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,041
HEY, IT'S JUST LIKE
LIVING IN SPACE.
303
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,844
IT'S NOTHING LIKE
LIVING IN SPACE, YOU MORON.
304
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:27,084
CHRIS, REMEMBER, NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS TODAY,
305
00:16:27,151 --> 00:16:28,886
THEY CAN'T TAKE AWAY
YOUR DIGNITY
306
00:16:28,953 --> 00:16:32,194
BECAUSE YOU PRETTY MUCH
DID THAT YOURSELF WITH
THAT OUTFIT.
307
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:36,160
LARRY? IF I DON'T MAKE IT,
308
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:39,148
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
MY WILL IS UNDERNEATH
MY MATTRESS IN MY BEDROOM.
309
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,684
I'M LEAVING EVERYTHING
TO MY PARENTS,
310
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,099
EXCEPT FOR MY DIRTY LAUNDRY.
311
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,900
I'M LEAVING THAT TO SHARON,
312
00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:46,237
WITH SPECIFIC ORDERS THAT
SHE SEPARATE THE COLORS
WHEN SHE WASHES THEM.
313
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:47,665
BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH
I'LL BE DEAD,
314
00:16:47,672 --> 00:16:49,340
I'LL STILL WANT
MY COLORS SEPARATED.
315
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,076
SHE'S GOTTA DO IT RIGHT,
I MEAN IF IT'S MY LAST WISH?
316
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,376
IT'S THE LAW.
317
00:16:53,444 --> 00:16:56,346
SHE'S GONNA BE SO P.O.ED.
318
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:57,414
LOOK, EVERYBODY.
319
00:16:57,549 --> 00:17:00,317
HERE COMES PAPERBOY 2000.
320
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:12,963
UH, EXCUSE ME.
321
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:15,599
COULD SOMEBODY TELL ME
WHICH END OF THIS TIN CAN
IS THE BUTT,
322
00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:17,306
BECAUSE I'M JUST
ABOUT TO KICK IT.
323
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:21,338
YOU KNOW, PETERSON,
324
00:17:21,406 --> 00:17:23,874
YOU'RE A GUTSY,
325
00:17:23,941 --> 00:17:25,509
EMOTIONALLY TROUBLED KID
326
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:29,647
AND WELL, BETWEEN US,
I HOPE YOU WIN.
327
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,182
AH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
328
00:17:31,249 --> 00:17:33,750
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WIN,
I'LL LOOK LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT.
329
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:38,755
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
330
00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:41,892
READY, SET...
331
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:47,398
[whistle blowing]
332
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,509
I KNEW IT, GLADYS.
333
00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:02,457
QUICK, LET'S SLINK AWAY
BEFORE SOMEBODY NOTICES
THE FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.
334
00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:05,883
CHRIS. ARE YOU OK?
335
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,284
YEAH, I'M OK.
336
00:18:07,351 --> 00:18:09,219
WELL, ACTUALLY YOU DID BETTER
THAN I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
337
00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:11,727
I FIGURED YOU'D JUST FALL OVER
AND SET YOUR CLOTHES ON FIRE.
338
00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:13,657
WELL, LARRY,
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
339
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:15,559
I GUESS IT'S OVER, CHRIS.
340
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:16,993
[sighing] YEAH, I GUESS SO.
341
00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:18,662
I GUESS SOCRATES WAS RIGHT.
342
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:21,198
YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT
A BIG HIGH TECH
COMPUTER-DRIVEN
343
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,966
NEWSPAPER DELIVERY SYSTEM.
344
00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:24,200
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
345
00:18:24,268 --> 00:18:26,603
I'M MAN ENOUGH TO
TAKE MY FAILURE IN STRIDE.
346
00:18:26,671 --> 00:18:27,871
[weeping]
347
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,442
[whimpering]
348
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,511
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
349
00:18:35,146 --> 00:18:38,515
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU
350
00:19:06,377 --> 00:19:08,678
GOD! IT'S GONE GOOFY ON US.
351
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,818
OH, NO. PAPERBOY 2000 IS
HEADED RIGHT FOR THAT
BABY CARRIAGE.
352
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:15,012
[all sighing]
353
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:17,014
BOY, THAT WAS CLOSE.
354
00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:20,002
CAN YOU IMAGINE
IF THERE'D BEEN
A BABY IN THERE?
355
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,731
CHRIS, THAT WAS BRILLIANT.
356
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,567
WHAT DID YOU DO
TO FINALLY GET IT TO STOP?
357
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,835
I DON'T KNOW
I THINK IT JUST KIND OF
RAN OUT OF GAS.
358
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:41,138
CHRIS, YOU'RE A HERO.
359
00:20:41,205 --> 00:20:42,739
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU
THIS BABY CARRIAGE
360
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:45,042
COULD HAVE NEEDED
MAJOR REPAIRS.
361
00:20:47,912 --> 00:20:51,415
WELL, PETERSON, I GUESS YOU
MADE YOUR POINT.
362
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:55,552
PAPERBOY 2000 IS FLAWLESS
EXCEPT IF SOMEONE KICKS IT
IN THE TIRE.
363
00:20:55,619 --> 00:20:59,156
IT TURNS INTO AN OUT OF
CONTROL KILLING MACHINE.
364
00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:02,426
IT'S STARTING TO MAKE SENSE
WHY THEY BANNED THIS THING
IN EASTERN EUROPE.
365
00:21:02,493 --> 00:21:04,973
I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THAT
THE RISK TO INNOCENT PEOPLE
366
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:08,298
OUTWEIGHS THE EXTRA
$4 A WEEK FOR
HUMAN PAPERBOYS.
367
00:21:08,366 --> 00:21:10,000
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
368
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:12,402
PENDING APPROVAL
FROM THE HEAD OFFICE,
369
00:21:12,470 --> 00:21:14,805
WE'RE REHIRING
ALL THE OLD PAPERBOYS.
370
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,873
[all cheering]
371
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:20,243
NOW WAIT A SECOND.
MAYBE I DON'T WANT
YOU LITTLE JOB BACK, HUH?
372
00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:21,812
DID YOU EVER
THINK ABOUT THAT?
373
00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:25,716
MAYBE I WANNA BE
THE TIN FOIL WOODSMAN
IN THE TOWN,
374
00:21:25,783 --> 00:21:28,552
ADORED BY ALL THE CHILDREN
FROM NOW ON.
375
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,987
WELL, IF YOU'VE GOT
A BETTER OFFER.
376
00:21:31,055 --> 00:21:32,956
NO! I SAID MAYBE.
377
00:21:33,024 --> 00:21:36,493
COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
OF COURSE I WANT MY JOB BACK.
378
00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:37,961
HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M BACK.
379
00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:39,797
[all cheering]
380
00:21:40,698 --> 00:21:42,866
AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
381
00:21:42,933 --> 00:21:46,637
I THINK WE'VE ALL KIND OF
LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON
HERE TODAY.
382
00:21:46,704 --> 00:21:51,274
THAT A MAN,
NO MATTER HOW PUNY OR BALD
383
00:21:51,409 --> 00:21:53,176
OR OVERWEIGHT OR BEARDED
384
00:21:53,244 --> 00:21:55,979
CAN STILL HAVE A PLACE IN
TODAY'S SOCIETY
385
00:21:56,047 --> 00:21:57,814
THAT'S MOSTLY RULED BY
386
00:21:57,882 --> 00:22:01,084
CORPORATE BIBIDDY BOBIDDY
BOOBIDDY BOOS.
387
00:22:01,152 --> 00:22:05,289
AND THAT ONE MAN'S VOICE
CAN STILL BE HEARD OVER
388
00:22:05,356 --> 00:22:08,758
THE ENDLESS DRONE OF... OF THOSE
THAT SEEM TO DRONE ON
ENDLESSLY.
389
00:22:08,826 --> 00:22:12,095
AND ACTUALLY WHAT
WE SHOULDN'T DO IS
CHIT CHAT REALLY,
390
00:22:12,162 --> 00:22:13,497
FOR TOMORROW IS LABOR DAY.
391
00:22:14,765 --> 00:22:17,100
HEY, WHERE'S EVERYONE GOING?
392
00:22:17,568 --> 00:22:19,169
[Paperboy 2000 revving]29467
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