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1
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,840
Did you want leg wax...?
2
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,920
- Wax strips.
- Yes.
3
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,080
It's different.
4
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,840
You know, most people stopped
ordering their groceries online
5
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,640
once the pandemic kind of petered out.
6
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:29,640
Not me, sis.
7
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,720
Online groceries and Zoom funerals
8
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,040
are the two great legacies
of the spicy cough.
9
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,040
- These ones?
- Yeah, they're great.
10
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,000
Yep. Righto.
11
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,840
Why are you such a good boy?
12
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,280
Think I might jazz up
those old pizzas for dinner.
13
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,400
- Are you joking?
- No.
14
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,840
I have told you so many times,
15
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,160
we're having dinner with Meggles
and her new girlfriend tonight.
16
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,240
Fuck, that's right.
Jesus, that was fast.
17
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,360
I know, and I've stalked her on Insta.
18
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,400
Not good.
19
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,360
Can I get out of it?
20
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,520
Nup, you can't.
21
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,640
All right, not getting
any cuter than that.
22
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:00,000
Um... ooh, do you want to
walk me to the station?
23
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,480
Um... ooh, do you want to
walk me to the station?
24
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,840
I'm early. We could get a coffee.
25
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,840
I'm...
26
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,360
I've got that lunch
with that corporate guy today
27
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,840
and I think I might just have
a lay in, if that's all right.
28
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:10,680
Oh. Okay.
29
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,560
Don't be sad,
we're having dinner together.
30
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,960
And we live together.
31
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,040
Okay, well, keep yourself nice
at lunch, please.
32
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,360
- I will.
- Yeah? Promise.
33
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:18,560
- I promise.
- Okay.
34
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,960
Stay fresh, cheese bags.
35
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,040
You too.
36
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,120
- Ooh yeah.
37
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,760
- Oh yeah.
38
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:49,400
- Ooh yeah. Ooh! Ooh!
39
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,200
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
40
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,800
- Hey!
41
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,000
What's up? What's going on?
42
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,360
What's up? What's going on?
43
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,440
- You forget something?
- Yeah.
44
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,680
Yeah, yeah, my cap.
45
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:03,800
- I forgot my cap.
- Oh.
46
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:04,800
There it is.
47
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,360
There it is. So, cool, got it now.
48
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,440
Cool, cool.
49
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,120
- Got it.
- Um...
50
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:11,080
Were you masturbating?
51
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,120
Hey?
52
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,640
Were you... were you having a wank?
53
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,040
No!
54
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,800
No, I... no, I... sorry, no.
55
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,160
I was just taking my pants off
to get in the shower.
56
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,880
- Was just about to jump
up and do that.
57
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:21,840
- Ah, yeah.
58
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,080
Yeah. 'Cause porn came through
my Air Pods downstairs.
59
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,320
Did they? That's weird.
That's so strange.
60
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,560
I'd look into that
'cause that's maybe a Bluetooth thing.
61
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,920
I do have some neighbours, actually,
who, sometimes we get crossed.
62
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,720
And they've got some pretty
weird, um...
63
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,520
I don't know, whatever they get up to.
64
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,080
No judgement, but, um...
65
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,640
no judgement, but, um...
66
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:40,880
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
67
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:41,800
Yeah.
68
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,920
- So weird.
- Yep.
69
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,120
Yeah...
70
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,320
- Yep.
- Ah.
71
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,800
Sorry, I was. I was.
72
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,600
I was. Is that bad?
73
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:55,360
Nope.
74
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,880
Nah, I'm... I'm pretty cool
with that kind of thing.
75
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,760
Oh. Oh, cool.
76
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:00,000
Yeah, yeah.
77
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,880
Yeah, yeah.
78
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,960
Just, um... in front
of the dog, though.
79
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,080
I mean, yeah. He's a little bit close.
80
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,440
But I mean, he's not...
81
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,480
I mean, to be clear,
he was not a part of it.
82
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,600
I forgot he was there, if anything.
83
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,800
Now I think of it, though,
we did have sex last night.
84
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,040
Yeah, we did, and it was great.
85
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,240
- Was it?
- I thought so.
86
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,480
Yeah.
87
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,240
No, no, no, it's cool.
It's just that, yeah.
88
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,480
James never did this,
89
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,320
so I'm like, yeah,
it's a bit new for me.
90
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,000
Excuse me, yes, he did.
91
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,120
No, he told me that
92
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,120
he never watched porn or masturbated.
93
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,920
Oh, well, ah, he lied.
94
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,680
He lied to you. James is a liar.
95
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,680
Cool. Yeah, all right.
96
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,480
Just so you know,
there was an on-ramp.
97
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,680
Like, the... the, um...
98
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,880
the wax strips box
that I was buying for you
99
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,480
had some very leggy, sexy legs
on it, and it just...
100
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,080
It got in there, you
know, and that's...
101
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,280
And so there was an on-ramp.
102
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,120
This didn't just come out of nowhere.
103
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,840
Oh yeah, like I said, fine.
104
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,280
You sure you're fine?
You don't seem fine.
105
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,720
Hey, the box. The legs. It's chill.
106
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,000
Catch ya.
107
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,160
Catch ya.
108
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,040
She's not fine.
109
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,120
And you are a bit close.
110
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,080
I don't... I feel rejected, Meggles,
111
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,240
on, like, every level.
112
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,360
You know, they say
113
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,800
the first three months
of every relationship
114
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,160
is unpacking your last one.
115
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,880
So, for you, that's...
116
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,080
that's you working out the ways
that James fucked you up.
117
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,000
Yeah.
118
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,160
And I guess Gordon's, like,
119
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,520
letting go of being by himself.
120
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,840
These relationship podcasts
are really good, babe.
121
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:52,920
I know, right?
122
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,200
- Hey, James.
123
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:55,720
Hey, girls.
124
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,000
- What?
- Nothing.
125
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,920
- What?
- Nothing.
126
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,760
What's going on there?
127
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,640
Uh, it's my girlfriend, Rumi Cashmere.
128
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,000
Okay, just want you to know.
129
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,600
- Not her real name.
- It is.
130
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,680
It is.
131
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,400
Okay...
132
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,160
You have a girlfriend? Holy shit.
133
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,040
Yeah, she broke up with Chiara
like, oh, shit,
134
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,520
three minutes ago.
135
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,480
- Why are you being a bitch?
- I'm not. I'm not.
136
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,800
You are.
137
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:23,760
So,
138
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,880
can you not just be excited
that I've met someone
139
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,040
who I actually really like?
140
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,880
Okay, I'm just saying that
that hat is a beige flag.
141
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:30,920
Ash!
142
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,000
Okay. Okay.
143
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,160
I'm getting a coke.
144
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,400
Fuck you.
145
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,960
Love you.
146
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:47,960
What? What's up?
147
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,320
You told me that you didn't jerk off.
148
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,560
Okay...
149
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,560
So, was that a lie?
Like, I'm just wondering.
150
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,680
You know, when you stop
going out with someone,
151
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:00,000
the general rule is,
you stop acting crazy with them.
152
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,480
the general rule is,
you stop acting crazy with them.
153
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,160
No, that's...
that's not the rule, actually.
154
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,280
Room 12.
155
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,920
Mr Robson's waiting for a catheter.
156
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,480
Right.
157
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,800
Chop-chop.
158
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:14,880
I'm coming.
159
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,840
I said I never watched porn.
160
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,280
I never said I didn't... masturbate.
161
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,200
So, what do you... do you watch then?
162
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:30,440
Um, nothing.
163
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,760
Just use my brain.
164
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,520
Things I saw. People
I used to be with.
165
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,240
That is cool.
That's pretty cool then.
166
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,640
- Mm.
- Yeah?
167
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,200
So we do.
168
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,280
We go up Sunday morning
to do boogie boarding out here
169
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,240
and it just goes off.
170
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,760
- You and me?
- Absolute... yeah, no, yeah.
171
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,480
Another glass of the Chablis
for either of you?
172
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,000
- Yeah.
- No.
173
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,720
- Yeah.
- No.
174
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,520
We'll, ah... we'll get
a bottle, love. Ta.
175
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,440
Of course.
176
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,520
- There we go.
- Cheers, mate.
177
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,880
These bugs will
change your life, mate.
178
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,240
- Get stuck in.
- Sure...
179
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,960
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
180
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,160
Mate.
181
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,280
Thanks for making the time, man.
182
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,120
Oh, mate, it's...
it's my pleasure, Jared.
183
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,720
It's nice to finally put a face to the
incessant phone calls and emails.
184
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,640
Yeah.
185
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,480
Look, I am enthusiastic about my job.
186
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,400
- Guilty of that, yeah.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,240
Which is what, exactly?
188
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,400
Oh.
189
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,560
- "Chief Growth Officer."
- Yeah.
190
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,000
Not what the missus would say, mate.
191
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,680
- Ha.
192
00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,960
Yeah, nah, I started in finance,
did that whole thing,
193
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,400
bit of time at Cadbury-Schweppes,
194
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,480
ah, the integrity unit at the NRL,
195
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,800
bit of time at Channel 9,
196
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,160
few Logies after parties, mate,
197
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,320
and now we're at Lion Australia,
which is fantastic.
198
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,440
- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
199
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,800
Hey, Jared, it's so nice
to be wined and dined
200
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,560
- on the company card, obviously.
- All right, yeah.
201
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,760
But what did...?
Did you have a proposal, or...?
202
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,320
Not into the foreplay, big fella?
203
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,840
- Well...
- Okay, good on ya, mate.
204
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,960
Look, we just wanted
to get in front of you, man,
205
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,480
and say what a fan we are of what
you're doing and your beer.
206
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,000
- Ah.
- We think you're special.
207
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,720
- Ah.
- We think you're special.
208
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,200
We think you're an
outlier in the field,
209
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,120
and, ah, mate,
we want to do business with you.
210
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,120
- Really?
- Yeah.
211
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,960
So what we do, man...
I'll give you the speel.
212
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:08,880
Yep.
213
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,160
We deliver strong branding
communication campaigns
214
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,600
that deliver vertical integration
and portfolio growth.
215
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,880
- Right.
- So, say no more.
216
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:15,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
217
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,400
Well, say a bit more 'cause I don't
really know what that means.
218
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,520
- Wait for this. You ready?
- Yep.
219
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,560
We want to buy your brewery.
220
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,240
Bang.
221
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,520
Big bang, mate.
222
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,840
- Yeah, right.
- There it is.
223
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,000
There it is.
224
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,159
Your life just changed.
225
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,039
- Mm.
- What are you driving?
226
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,600
- I drive...
- Not anymore.
227
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,320
- Good on you, mate.
- Oh, okay.
228
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,840
What a special moment for you.
229
00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:41,919
Yeah...
230
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,560
- Oh yeah.
- Yep.
231
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,520
Oh yeah!
232
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,760
- Oh yeah, mate.
- Yes, yes.
233
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,960
Let's get you a bit more comfortable,
hey, Mr Robson?
234
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:52,920
Thank you.
235
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,080
Got the best girls on the job.
236
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,640
That's right.
237
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,000
- Hey, regarding tonight?
- Yep?
238
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,720
- Hey, regarding tonight?
- Yep?
239
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,840
Just promise me you'll be nice, Ash.
240
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,440
Yeah.
241
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,200
Can I get more than a "yeah"?
242
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,720
Yeah, I promise.
243
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,720
It just really matters to me
that you like her.
244
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,920
Mm-hmm. Are you okay there, Mr Robson?
245
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:15,960
Marvellous.
246
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,120
Okay.
247
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,800
Just not sure...
248
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:22,720
What?
249
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,320
I'm just... I'm just trying to...
250
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,760
Um...
251
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,280
What are you doing?
252
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,920
Oh, hello. I'm inserting a catheter.
253
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,280
No, but what are you doing there?
254
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,120
I'm, um, just pulling back
your husband's foreskin
255
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,400
to insert the catheter.
256
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,640
He's circumcised.
257
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,360
No! He's what?
258
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,800
My
husband is circumcised.
259
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,160
Oh, yeah, I see that.
260
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,680
Go away, Mary.
261
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,880
You could have said something.
262
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,560
It's my birthday today.
263
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,000
Great. Happy birthday, mate.
264
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,320
Great. Happy birthday, mate.
265
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,640
- Many happy returns, Mr Robson.
- Thank you.
266
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,840
Hey, let's talk numbers,
all right?
267
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:05,880
Okay.
268
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,320
How many taps you on?
269
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,840
- Let's see.
- I'll tell ya. Three.
270
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,120
And you're in four
independent bottle shops
271
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,920
and you just lost the JetRex deal.
272
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:13,840
To us.
273
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,200
Sounds like you've done
your research, Jared.
274
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,040
We just want to throw you
a lifeline, mate.
275
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,480
We know it's your baby,
276
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,520
but there's certain economic
realities, all right?
277
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,520
That you created, Jared.
278
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,320
We do not want to squeeze you, man.
279
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,600
But you're gonna have no choice soon.
280
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,440
You're a polar bear
on a bit of ice, bruv.
281
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:28,360
Yes, we are,
282
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,080
and you're fuckin' climate change,
can't you see that?
283
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,680
Oh, I appreciate that. Climate
change is real, man. Seriously.
284
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,640
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah. Yeah.
285
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,280
- Yes, it actually is.
- Totally.
286
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,800
I can't tell whether you're trying to
287
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,600
kiss me or fuck me here,
Jared, to be honest.
288
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,880
- Why not a bit of both?
- Sure.
289
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,400
But can you see my problem?
290
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,800
Like, there's two behemoths buying up
all the craft beer in Australia,
291
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:46,880
all the money goes to Japan...
292
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:47,800
Konnichiwa.
293
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,600
And I can't get
my beer anywhere, mate,
294
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,720
because you guys have monopolised
the entire thing.
295
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,040
- Shit yeah. Shit yeah.
- Yeah.
296
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,120
Even the old pubs.
297
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,640
Especially the old pubs.
Yeah, we got them ages ago.
298
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,880
'Course you did.
299
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:58,960
Look, mate.
300
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,840
- Maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry.
- Mm.
301
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,640
We don't want to change a thing.
302
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,200
- Don't you?
- No. No.
303
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,400
You're the conductor of the orchestra,
we're just...
304
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,480
we own the opera house.
305
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,240
We just wanna make you rich, man.
306
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,840
- I'm security.
- Mm?
307
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,280
You're a terrorist.
308
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,280
- And I'm letting you in...
- Ah.
309
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,360
Let's blow some shit up.
310
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:18,880
- Right. Yeah.
311
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,360
- You're just the
coach of the Rabbitohs.
312
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,880
I'm Russell Crowe in the box
having party pies.
313
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,800
I'm worried about Gladiator and shit.
314
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:25,960
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
315
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,760
And you're down there going,
"Get him back."
316
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,040
"Run the field."
317
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,680
- Yeah.
- "Get Greg forward."
318
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,080
- Yeah.
- And I'm just up in the box
319
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,040
- trying to connect with my son.
- Yeah.
320
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,520
- You get it.
- Yeah, I get it.
321
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,200
- I mean, I think I...
- Now, we're cool.
322
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,400
- Let me... all right, hey, now?
- Yeah?
323
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,600
Let me take you somewhere special.
324
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,440
They do a good nachos here.
325
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,560
Oh yeah?
326
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,520
They'll do chicken
or beef or whatever.
327
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,480
Do you want to get some?
328
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,400
Is that all right?
329
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,120
Yeah, get out. Go on.
330
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:00,000
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
331
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,600
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
332
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,280
I think James thinks about me
when he masturbates.
333
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,680
- Excuse me?
- Yeah.
334
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,640
He told me that he doesn't use porn,
335
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,360
he just thinks about
people he was with.
336
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,320
That's pretty cool.
337
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,880
What?
338
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,360
What? You hated
male masturbation this morning.
339
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,560
Yeah, but if I feature in it,
like, that's pretty cool.
340
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,520
A word please, Ashley.
341
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,040
We've had a complaint
342
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,280
from a Mrs Mary Robson.
343
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,600
- Are you kidding?
344
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,000
- Not a laughing matter, Megan.
- Mm?
345
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,240
Sorry, Gene.
346
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,920
Mr Robson, though.
347
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,200
That's pretty cool.
348
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,440
I don't sound like that.
349
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,840
- That's pretty cool.
- Shut up.
350
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,800
- Probably head off...
- Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus?
351
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,640
Shit, um, probably Taylor.
352
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,120
I'm Miley. She frightens me
and I love it, man.
353
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,760
- Do ya?
- Oh yeah.
354
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,000
Oh, Crystal, well done!
355
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,360
Oh, Crystal, well done!
356
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,640
Athletes, mate. They're athletes.
357
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,960
How often can you
get this close to athletes?
358
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,000
- In their prime?
- Yep.
359
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,960
I mean, this is LeBron courtside.
360
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,120
- Isn't it?
- Yep.
361
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,200
Righto, Crys, that's
great. Good stuff.
362
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,600
That's from both of us.
We're celebrating.
363
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,320
Now, Batman or Superman?
364
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:26,800
Batman, probably.
365
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,240
Oh, yeah, easy.
366
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,680
Robert Pattinson Batman.
367
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,120
- Really?
- Yeah.
368
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,640
You reckon?
369
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:33,720
Yeah...
370
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,320
Do you reckon you prefer
to breathe underwater or just fly?
371
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,640
Ashley, I need to know
exactly what happened.
372
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,760
Mrs Robson's very upset.
373
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,360
I was trying
to pull back his foreskin, okay?
374
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,120
There was a lot
of excess skin around the head.
375
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,040
He's circumcised.
376
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,680
Yeah, I mean, take that up
with his childhood doctor.
377
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,600
Gene, his penis is a mess.
378
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,400
I beg your pardon, Mrs Robson.
379
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,160
Oh, come on...
380
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,160
I'm so sorry, Mrs Robson.
381
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,960
Look, if you'd like to go back
and wait in the lounge,
382
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,760
I'll be with you in just a moment.
383
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,480
Now, I'm not sure what's worse.
384
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,200
Your overall conduct
385
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,400
or the fact that you're
a sixth-year medical student
386
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,360
who can't tell whether a penis
has been circumcised or not.
387
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,920
Do you need to see
the slideshow again?
388
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,400
No, please.
389
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,520
Lot of paperwork here.
390
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,000
This is a sexual assault complaint.
391
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,280
Gene, do you know how many times
I've been felt up
392
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,600
by men exactly like him?
393
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,600
- How many?
- Too many.
394
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,160
Well, maybe your
manner's a bit whiffy?
395
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,160
You're being too sexy.
396
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,480
Do you want to take that back, Gene?
397
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,120
I do.
398
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,280
Can I go now?
399
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,440
Yes, you can go.
400
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,360
I'll sort this out.
401
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,360
Okay, good. Thank you.
402
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:56,880
All right, good.
403
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,000
All the good girls
have been on anyway.
404
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,240
All the good girls
have been on anyway.
405
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,400
Yeah, totally.
406
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,800
Oi, let's go to the driving range.
I've got a spare set in the car.
407
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,360
Oh, mate, I... I don't know.
408
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,680
What don't you know?
409
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,680
I don't know about everything,
do you know what I mean?
410
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,600
I don't know if this is a good fit
for us, to be honest.
411
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,880
- A good fit?
- Yeah, sorry, man.
412
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,240
It was a pretty good fit when you
ordered a $200 bottle of sticky.
413
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,200
- You said "help yourself", mate.
- And you did.
414
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,600
- Cockhead.
- I'm a cockhead?
415
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,560
Yes, you are a cockhead.
416
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,240
You're dank, mate.
417
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,040
That place was dank.
418
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,920
- You're fucked, mate.
- I'm fucked?
419
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:28,960
- Yeah.
- No, you're literally fucked.
420
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,080
You're brewery's closed in 12 months,
mate. You got nothing.
421
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,480
- No, mate, I've got plenty.
- Yeah? Hit me.
422
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,520
And it's mine, all right? So, fuck ya.
423
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,760
Here we go!
Yeah, you're fuckin'...
424
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,160
Yeah, here we go.
Here we fuckin' go, mate.
425
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,520
- Yeah, yeah, come on, mate!
426
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,920
- Nah, nah,
not here, fellas.
427
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,760
- Take it down the road.
- Fuck you, mate.
428
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,200
- If you fuckin'...
429
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,320
You fuckin' prick!
430
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,400
- Here we go! Here we go!
431
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,320
- This is helping.
- This is good.
432
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,760
Feel the cold.
433
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:51,880
Be the cold.
434
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,280
Brr, this is good.
435
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:54,240
Oh, shit.
436
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320
I... This is unbelievable.
437
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,400
You are wasted.
438
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,960
- No, Ash, no, I'm sober.
- It's all good, I'm working on him.
439
00:15:59,040 --> 00:15:59,880
Don't worry, all right?
440
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:00,000
Where did you go? What did you do?
441
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,240
Where did you go? What did you do?
442
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,560
Ah, well, I went, ah...
it was just lunch.
443
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,680
But then, honestly,
Jared took me to a strip club.
444
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,040
- Which one?
- Are you joking?
445
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,240
- Crazy Girls.
- Ah, yeah.
446
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,600
Uh, no, but it was...
I didn't like it.
447
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,840
Don't be mad.
It was... it was really dank.
448
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,480
Yeah, no, I can back that up.
449
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,400
Ash, he's not really a strip club guy.
450
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,680
He's more a play-the-pokies guy.
451
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,000
- That's true.
- Oh, cool.
452
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,000
What a catch.
453
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,520
You're supposed to clean
the bin, you guys.
454
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,040
- Disgusting.
455
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,840
- Gordon, what is that?
- What?
456
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,720
That is a fuckin' rat!
457
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,720
- What?
- Oh, shit.
458
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,960
- Oh, fuck!
- No, no, that's half a rat.
459
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,920
- Oh, no, no!
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
460
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,040
- Oh no! It's like a yoyo.
461
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,800
Fuckin' hell! Is that...
462
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,720
- Holy shit!
- Ah!
463
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,880
- No, he's good.
- I can't breathe.
464
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,480
He's good. He's all fine. He's fine.
465
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,440
Great. I'm gonna go get changed.
466
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,000
Sorry.
467
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:00,080
Sorry.
468
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,800
- Are you right?
- I am. I promise I am.
469
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,600
I had a coffee. I'm good, I'm good.
470
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,319
- Sort it out.
- Yeah.
471
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,720
- Ooh, there they are.
- Okay.
472
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,599
- Hello.
- Hi.
473
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,920
Ashy, this is Rumi.
474
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,240
I've heard so much.
475
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:15,200
Same, girl, same. Oh my God.
476
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,839
- Oh.
- Oh my God.
477
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,440
You are such a good person.
478
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,440
- You're such a great hugger.
- I'll take one of those.
479
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,240
- This is Gordon, my boyfriend.
480
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,160
- Hi.
- Hi.
481
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,880
- Ooh!
- Ah, oh.
482
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,040
- Covid elbow?
- Oh.
483
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,280
- I don't know.
484
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,640
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, it's fine.
485
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,760
Yeah, he's never met a woman before.
486
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:37,840
- Sit down, sit down.
- Mm.
487
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,240
- I haven't been here before.
- Do you want to...?
488
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,400
But I've heard it's, yep.
489
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,200
Mm, it smells good.
490
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,360
Do you know, I actually think this was
my grandmother's house?
491
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,320
No way!
492
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,560
Yeah, this was the old post office
and she used to live upstairs.
493
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,680
- Oh.
- Wow.
494
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,320
My grandmother was the first
female postmaster-general.
495
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,640
Uh-huh?
496
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,600
- Postmistress, I suppose.
- Yeah.
497
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,560
Communication, you know?
498
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:58,480
Legacy.
499
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,000
- Oh my God, that's beautiful.
- Yeah.
500
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,600
- Yeah, right.
- Amazing.
501
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,720
Hello, folks. Here you go.
502
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,880
Can I... can I just ask,
503
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,240
did this used to be
the old post office?
504
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,520
Um, I can ask?
505
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,040
No, it's okay. I know it is.
506
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,680
- You know when you
can feel something?
507
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:12,320
- Yeah.
508
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,840
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
509
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,280
Love that. Welcome to Shwà
510
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,480
Have you dined with us before?
511
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,760
I have. I know that
512
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,160
your menu goes from small to big,
513
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:21,520
the numbers are prices,
514
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,240
and, ah, your pronouns are he/him.
515
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,200
So sorry.
516
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,720
God, we would never assume
anyone's pronouns. We...
517
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,760
No, no, no, I'm not. No,
he told me that like a month ago.
518
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:29,920
Oh, it's really sweet of you,
519
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,280
but they're actually he/they now.
520
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:33,360
Yes!
521
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,720
- Go off, King.
- Thank you.
522
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,640
- I'll give you guys a minute.
523
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,760
- Could we...?
- Sure.
524
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,880
Thank you.
525
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,000
Oh my God!
526
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,440
Negroni spagliato
with prosecco with it? Yes!
527
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,760
Need, need, need.
528
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,760
Shall I get a round for
the table? Let's do this.
529
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:48,840
Have you got my hat?
530
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,880
- Sorry, what?
- My hat?
531
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,280
No, no, I gave it to the waiter.
532
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,040
Who, the... that guy?
533
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:56,200
- Yes.
- Oh.
534
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,200
- Sorry...
535
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,320
No, no, no, absolutely fine. Um...
536
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,000
It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage,
I'm just gonna...
537
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,480
It's just, it's 'cause it's vintage,
I'm just gonna...
538
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,520
Give me one second.
539
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,800
Sorry, hi!
540
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,840
- Gordon.
- Sorry. I'm sorry, Meggles.
541
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,480
No, it's fine. She just,
she likes her hat.
542
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,920
Yeah, it's great.
543
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:09,880
Isn't she great?
544
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,000
- Yes.
545
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,240
- She is...
- She's great. She's fun, and...
- Yeah.
546
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,520
Everybody, relax. Whoo!
547
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,680
- There we go. My God.
- Yeah, she's back.
548
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,400
I actually also wonder,
549
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,400
so what I think we should start with,
tell me what you think?
550
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,200
Do you mind if I order?
Can I be that person?
551
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,320
- Please do.
- Fantastic.
552
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,040
- Be that person.
- Do they have a hat rack?
553
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,360
- I'm joking.
554
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,600
It's a joke.
555
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,280
You know, I saw my mother,
I saw my sisters,
556
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,680
I don't even have any sisters,
557
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,640
but I cannot recommend Ayahuasca
enough, you know?
558
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,200
Mm, they have that
in the Blue Mountains, I think.
559
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,800
Oh, no, not the same.
560
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,720
- Not the same.
- No?
561
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,080
No, you have to do it
in South America, otherwise, what?
562
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,040
- Sure.
563
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,280
Guys, do you know, I've got a mate
who does ketamine therapy?
564
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,080
And so, for 45 minutes, he goes in
and gets injected with ketamine,
565
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,320
and then, um, he's
out, completely out,
566
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,000
and he wakes up and he,
he has a cry, and then...
567
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:00,120
and he wakes up and he,
he has a cry, and then...
568
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,480
But you've got texts to do,
so not a problem.
569
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,040
You had enough to eat, baby?
570
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,400
- Yeah, I'm okay, baby.
- Mmm. Come here.
571
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,480
Tell you what,
the Rogan Josh is amazing.
572
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,560
- Mm!
- Really...
573
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:15,480
- Best thing.
- Yeah.
574
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,680
It's good, right?
575
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,560
It's good. I mean, street food
in India is better, but...
576
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,400
- Have you been?
- Oh, many times.
577
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,560
Many, many times.
578
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,600
- Really?
- Yeah. God yeah.
579
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,760
India's really interesting, right?
As a place.
580
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,840
Because, of course,
my last name is Cashmere,
581
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,040
and so that is actually originating
in the Kashmir district.
582
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,800
I actually consider myself Kashmiri.
583
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,480
Yeah, but you're not Indian.
584
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,520
Not in my roots, but...
585
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,160
Yeah. But, I mean, are... are you?
586
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,080
'Cause I'm... I'm Sri Lankan actually.
587
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,320
- Yeah.
- Mm.
588
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,560
I know that, baby. I know that.
589
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,600
I'm just saying, you know, street
food, better in the Kashmiri district.
590
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:57,480
Mm.
591
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,000
I can't wait to travel with you.
592
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,240
I can't wait to travel with you.
593
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,800
- I'm really looking forward to it.
594
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,040
I love you.
595
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,400
So proud of you.
596
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,400
I've just stopped voting now
597
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,680
'cause I think that's the best use
of my voice right now.
598
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,960
And I said to her, "That's clearly
because you didn't breastfeed him,
599
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,160
and now you can't trust him."
600
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,560
And I thought, this is it,
and I wet my pants in protest.
601
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,200
I don't believe in pets as a concept.
602
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,720
That is essentially slavery to me.
603
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,320
And then after all that,
604
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,680
had to stop playing trombone.
605
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,880
And my doctor, Susan, said
606
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,200
that I actually have two uteruses.
607
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,280
- Uterine didelphys. Studied that.
- Yeah, we studied it.
608
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,840
And when Susan diagnosed me,
she actually broke down crying
609
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,400
because her mother had
dual uteri, right,
610
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,160
and Susan's mum
had lost her twin at birth,
611
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,600
and get this,
612
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,520
Susan's mum had named
the deceased baby Rumi.
613
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:58,560
- Whoa.
614
00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,600
I know! I know!
615
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,000
When she said that, we cried,
616
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,040
When she said that, we cried,
617
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,400
we hugged, and the clock on the wall
actually stopped.
618
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,760
Oh, shut up!
619
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,280
- Excuse me?
- Shut the fuck up.
620
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,640
- I beg your pardon?!
- Sorry, I'm so sorry.
621
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,240
But fucking come on,
Meggles, please.
622
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,200
Wow.
623
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,960
Wow, you little boy.
624
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,960
- I'm a little boy?
- Yeah, you're a little boy.
- Am I?
625
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,520
What, 'cause I'm not trying to fuck
you, I've got to keep my mouth shut?
626
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,200
- What?
- Whoa, okay, Rumi.
627
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,000
- I think that's not it, actually.
- Really?
628
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:22,960
- No.
- Really?
629
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,320
If I can, I think what it is, is that
you haven't asked he or I
630
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,640
a single question all night.
631
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:27,640
Oh, Ashley, come on.
632
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,200
- No, it's true.
- Ah, Ash...
633
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:30,640
You can pipe in at any point.
634
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,560
- That's exactly how
conversation works.
635
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,240
- Yeah.
636
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,280
- In what space?
- Yeah.
637
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,560
You go on and on and on with
these insanely uncheckable stories.
638
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,880
They're checkable!
They're all checkable.
639
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,040
No, actually, Rumi, I think
the genius of you is that they're not.
640
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,000
- Huh.
- Huh.
641
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,040
- Wow.
- Wow.
642
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:46,120
Jordan, I am sure you've heard this
a million times,
643
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,080
but you have a garden variety
Madonna Whore complex.
644
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,240
- OK, I don't think we need
to say that.
645
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:50,920
- Nope, first time.
646
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,240
Really? Wow, if you can't see it,
it's very clear to me.
647
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,640
- Hey, don't...
- In this situation, what am I?
648
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,560
Madonna or Whore?
649
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,000
- Well, you're in...
- Please, tell me.
650
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,240
A heteronormative
domestic partnership,
651
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,000
so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna,
652
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,160
so I'm gonna say you're the Madonna,
653
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,280
and that's the reason that
he still looks at porn.
654
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,480
Oh, fuckin' what?
655
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,640
- Jesus, Meggles.
- Oh, sorry.
656
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,680
Do you not have anything else
to talk about, the two of you?
657
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,640
- Oh! Don't you?!
- Oh, us?!
658
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,920
I mean, that is
all you talked about all day
659
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,840
and we just, we just stopped talking
about how many women he slept with.
660
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,640
- Oh my God.
- And now it's how he's watching porn.
661
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,120
Well, this isn't very humiliating.
662
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,080
Well, can you just stop
looking for issues?
663
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,080
- Sorry.
- Oh, wow.
664
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,200
I... I can't be the only person here
who watches porn.
665
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,040
- You're not.
- I watch ethical porn.
666
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,040
Okay, how do you know I don't?
667
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,760
Well, who directed
this morning's piece?
668
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:29,760
Ah...
669
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,200
Jessie...
670
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,360
Cock... man.
671
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,800
Yeah, you got me, Rumi.
672
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,800
Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't stay for
the fuckin' finishing credits.
673
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,040
I fuckin' watch low-grade porn,
was that not clear?
674
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,480
- Wow. Wow.
- Wow yourself.
675
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,040
- Okay, I'm just gonna get the bill.
- You fuck...
676
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,680
Cheers, and also,
677
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,160
it's Gordon, not Jordan.
678
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,160
Who? What, this?
679
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,960
- Yes.
- Don't worry about it.
680
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,400
Don't really know why
I keep coming back to this restaurant.
681
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,360
So.
682
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,040
- Can I have my hat?
- Oh. Yeah.
683
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,280
Take off my hat.
684
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,000
- Take off my hat.
- Guys.
685
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:15,760
There you go.
686
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:18,520
There it is.
687
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,360
Take it.
688
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:25,400
- Gordon.
- Hey.
689
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,680
There, take it.
690
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,080
For fuck's sake.
691
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,000
Thanks, Gordon. Helpful.
692
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,440
Very mature, Gordon.
693
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,400
- I'm sorry, Meggles.
- Yep.
694
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,120
Well, that was the worst.
695
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,120
Yep. Yep.
696
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760
- That was...
- She sucks.
697
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,480
She's not good.
I'm glad I sobered up for her though.
698
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,800
Oh my gosh.
699
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,000
Can I just say that I'm very sorry
that that happened
700
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,880
Can I just say that I'm very sorry
that that happened
701
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,080
with the porn and telling Meggles...
702
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,040
You know what?
703
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,760
Yes, humiliating.
704
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,880
But also, I get it.
705
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,240
I get it. You gotta talk to someone.
706
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,400
And I'm sorry.
707
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:14,760
Can we talk about it a little bit?
708
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,000
Sure.
709
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,040
I am sorry that it
made you feel weird.
710
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,240
Mm-hmm.
711
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,840
But also, you need to know that
it's not that big a deal to me.
712
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,000
Yeah, it is to me, though,
because I... I just felt
713
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,240
rejected.
714
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,880
It may be silly, but
715
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,840
I just thought we were in, like,
a honeymoon phase, and...
716
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,000
Yeah.
717
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,040
- We are having a lot of sex.
- Yeah.
718
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,680
So I'm just like,
"Why do you need to do that?"
719
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,600
Oh, I didn't need to do it,
it was just something...
720
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,760
It was stupid. It was...
I just did it in the moment.
721
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:45,960
You know, there was an on-ramp.
722
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:46,560
- Yeah, the legs.
723
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,640
- You know, and I just
did it for myself.
724
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:48,600
Yes!
725
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,680
And it's just, it's not about you.
726
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:51,760
It is though.
727
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:54,200
Because...
You could have...
728
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,680
We could have hung out instead.
729
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,520
That was the offer, and you... you...
730
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:58,440
We could have.
731
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,000
I know, but, Ash...
And you're the best...
732
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:00,600
I know, but, Ash...
And you're the best...
733
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,760
But just walking all the way
to the train station
734
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,400
and back again with Colin...
735
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,120
He's just so fuckin' slow.
736
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,440
He is slow, bless him.
737
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:10,520
- I get it.
- Honestly, Ash,
738
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,760
this is a thing that I've done
since I was, what?
739
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,840
Thirteen?
740
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,440
It's a deeply-formed habit.
741
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,560
- Maybe a bad one, I don't know.
- Okay, okay.
742
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,480
I mean, you must
at least occasionally, you know...
743
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,520
- Don't say "flick the bean".
- Flick the bean.
744
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:24,880
I...
745
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,120
just wouldn't choose it
over time with you.
746
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,760
That's all.
747
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,320
- Right?
- That's fair enough.
748
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,920
That's fair enough.
749
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,840
I... I'm gonna...
750
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,120
I'll be more mindful.
751
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,760
- Oh, will you?
- Yeah.
752
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:36,720
Like a yogi?
753
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,000
- Yes, like a tantric yogi.
754
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,400
Like Sting.
755
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,400
Okay, I reckon Sting
would go all right.
756
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,360
Oh, mate, Sting goes off.
757
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:46,920
Without a doubt.
758
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,320
- While we're
on the subject...
759
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:49,960
- Yeah?
760
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,360
I accidentally jerked off
an elderly man at work today.
761
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,400
- Okay.
- Yeah.
762
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,000
Well, you
know, I mean, that...
763
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:00,040
Well, you
know, I mean, that...
764
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,040
- That's ethical porn.
- It is.
765
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,280
I mean,
there are no accidents,
766
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,120
so let's just say
I jerked off an elderly man.
767
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,440
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- At work.
768
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,680
It's very hard
to accidentally jerk someone off.
769
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,200
How'd it happen? Is
this real? This actually happened?
770
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,960
It was...
it was a foreskin misunderstanding.
771
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,200
- Oh, is that what happened?
- All right?
772
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,720
Yeah, yeah. I mean,
that happens.
773
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,760
♪I was doing fine, then I met you ♪
774
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,560
♪I don't need a sign ♪
775
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,560
♪What will be will be ♪
54526
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