All language subtitles for Man With a Plan - S04E09 - Stuck in the Middle With You (1080p x265 EDGE2020)

It says here
there's a supervolcano in Yellowstone

that's gonna explode
and destroy the world.

So, yes, I will have another beer.

[knock at door]

Who's that? We're everybody you know.

Um...

You know who's not gonna knock before
they come into your house? Supervolcano.

Adam!

-Oh!
-Alice.

[both laugh]

Look, guys, it's my mother-in-law
at my door with no warning.

I just wanted a nice visit with my family.
Where's Andi?

She's out buying new towels.

She asked if I wanted to go,
and now I regret saying no.

-Oh.
-[both laugh]

Oh, Adam, I love your little jokes.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and surprise the kids.

Okay.

Hey, Don. Hello, little man I don't know.

[door closes]

Where's your supervolcano when I need it?

The nuts are better.

Oh, good, you found my brownies.
I was saving those.

Where's Alice?

Upstairs unpacking.
She's really making herself comfortable.

She already turned the thermostat
up to 80.

Andi is not gonna like this surprise.

Well, what's the big deal?
Alice seems nice.

She is, but she makes Andi crazy.

And instead of telling her mom she makes
her crazy, Andi puts me in the middle.

And I have to take it because of one
promise I made in a church 20 years ago.

[car door closes]

Andi's home. I'd better warn her outside,
away from anything breakable.

Hey, honey. I got the towels. Oh,
and I picked up Teddy's new baseball bat.

Ooh. Let me hold that for you.

And can I just say
that you look beautiful,

and I will love you until the end of time.

What happened,
and how upset am I gonna be?

Good. Your mind is prepared
for something horrible.

Your mom is here.

-What?
-Mm-hmm.

But we're not ready.

I mean, I haven't steamed or cleaned
or washed or prepped.

It looks like our regular house in there.

Smart to get rid of the bat, huh?

A volcano's bad enough, but a supervolcano
will take your head right off.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, Don was just telling me
how we're all gonna die.

Oh.

Ah, this is such a surprise.
[chuckles] You're here.

Without calling or texting
or any of the things people do.

-[both laugh]
-Where's Dad?

Oh, he's having a staycation
with George and Fred.

Those are our Yorkies.

We gave them human names so it wouldn't
be weird when they eat at the table.

Uh, Mom, before you say anything,
our house is usually much neater.

Oh, it looks fine.

[chuckles] Yeah, sure.

Um, let's go into the living room, huh?

Where the couch pillows better be fluffed.

They might be.

I never know what you mean
when you say that.

[laughs] He knows
what a fluffy pillow is, Mom.

You can't listen to him. He's on the beer.

Hey.

I'm "on the beer"?

I made $300 last year
recycling your wine bottles.

Look, I'm sorry.
I know you didn't do anything wrong.

It's just, you know, when my mom is here,
I have to be perfect.

Hey, hey.
Remember when your mom wasn't here?

That was great, right? [chuckles]

I just don't want to disappoint her.
It's like I'm ten years old.

Why can't you just tell your mom

that you don't feel like
you can be yourself around her?

I think she needs to hear that.

You're right. She does need to hear that.

Finally.

But with one small adjustment.

You see, I think
that she needs to hear it from you.

Wha-- No.

No. You're always putting me
in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. You're my buffer. [chuckles]

My big, buff buffer.

Yeah, but I don't like it.

You know?
We're barely over last Thanksgiving,

when you made me tell her
that her cranberry salad

looked like a raccoon
that swallowed a firecracker.

Come on. Once more for me?

-I--
-One last job.

You know, in the movies, they always
get killed on that one last job.

It... It'll be great. It'll be great.

After dinner,
I'll go to bed, and you can talk to her.

And then, when I wake up,
all the bad stuff will be over.

Just like surgery.

Fine. I'll talk to her.
But I'm gonna be on the beer when I do it.

-[clears throat] Hey.
-Okay.

Kids are all tucked in. Where's Andi?

Uh, already in bed. Yeah.

Somehow I got you all to myself.
[chuckles]

But, um, it's good,

because, uh,
I need to talk to you about something,

and it's a little delicate.

Okay. Before we get to that,

I have to tell you something,
and it's pretty personal.

[chuckles]

That sounds like
an anybody-but-me situation.

Oh, but you know
that I love you like a son,

and you've been so wonderful to me
from the first moment that we met.

I-I think you misunderstood. I was just
trying to sleep with your daughter.

Adam, you're so funny.

But the thing is, I've left Andi's father.

-What?
-Yeah. Oh, no, it's okay, it's okay.

Oh, Frank and I have known
this was coming for a long time.

And last Thursday Frank sneezed too loud,
and I just had it.

Oh, Alice, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, don't be.
I am rediscovering who I am.

I mean, who knows? I might be a vegan.

I might be a Democrat,
or I might be a lesbian.

Wow. Well, it's nice to have options.

Yeah. I do have one favor
to ask you, though.

Sure. Anything.

Well, uh,
Andi's gonna need to hear the news.

That'll be tough.

Yeah. Which is why
I'd like her to hear it from you.

[groans] That puts me in the middle.

You're gonna do a super job.

I'll take the kids to the zoo tomorrow,

and when I get back,
all the messiness will be over.

It's just like surgery.

[sighs]

[shouts]

You scared me.

Good, good. Your mind is prepared
for something horrible again.

Did the talk with my mom not go well?

There were some complications
during surgery.

She told me some tough news.

Oh, my God.
Did something happen to the Yorkies?

Kind of. Their parents split up.

Listen, I am here for you.
Whatever you need, you just tell me.

'Cause you know I won't know on my own.

God, my poor dad.

The good news is, I called
to check on him. He's doing great.

He's gonna open a topless car wash
called Put 'Em on the Glass.

Yeah, he's been talking
about that for years.

Oh. Well, that makes sense.

You don't come up
with a clever name like that overnight.

I just never saw this coming.

Although I don't know why I would.
She never tells me anything.

She didn't even tell me this.
She made you do it.

And I don't appreciate
her making you tell me things.

You should go tell her that.

What? That puts me in the middle again.

Adam, 20 years ago,
you made a promise to me--

In a church. I remember.

I should've read the fine print.

[sighs]

You know what would solve everything?
Is if your mom wasn't here.

I can't kick her out now.
She'll think I'm upset with her.

You are upset with her.

That's why she can't know.
That's how we do it.

That's ridiculous.

But what I'm hearing is,

if you two can talk things out,
she can go?

-Uh--
-I like it.

I like it. Now that there's a little
cheese in the trap, I'm interested.

[car door closes]

Ah. Good morning.

Hi, Mom.

You told her already? But I'm still here.
The damn zoo doesn't open till 10:00.

Oh.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. No more of this.

I-- I'm done being the middleman. Okay?

You two need to talk to each other
like grown women,

not like a ten-year-old and her mother.

How are we supposed
to magically be able to do that?

I don't know. With alcohol.

Go out, get drunk,
say a bunch of things you can't take back.

Act like a family, for God sakes.

So Frank and Alice
are calling it a day, huh?

Phew. Talk about
dropping out of the marathon at mile 25.

Well, it's sad they're breaking up,

but Frank's got a winner
with that car wash.

I mean, it's hard to compete
with soapy hooters.

Now I'm stuck in a house
with two women who can't communicate.

So I'm sending them to a bar

to see if some cocktails
will help them open up to each other.

I don't need drinks to tell the truth.
I'll be honest anywhere, anytime.

You look tired. See?

If I'm honest,
you could be a little less honest.

Without Frank around,

I'll bet Alice is gonna try to take over
as favorite grandma.

I got cocky because I was local,
but now I got to step up my game.

-I'm hungry.
-Oh, I'm on it.

How about ice cream for dinner, hmm?

Grandma Alice makes you eat vegetables.
What a dud.

Hey, Alice. What's happening up here?
Looks like you had some work done.

[chuckles] Oh, thanks, Don.
No, since I'm back in the dating game,

I watched a video
about how to do a smoky eye.

Been there.

-Hey, Alice. You ready for tonight?
-Uh...

Just have a real conversation with Andi.
Talk about what you're going through.

Well, it's been emotional--

Not to me, to Andi.
You did it again there.

Oh, Joe's here.

Let's see if your mother-in-law
can still make the dogs bark.

She's a grandmother.
Why can't she just bake some cookies?

God, Joe, look at you.

The older you get,
the more distinguished you look.

Oh, that's what they tell me.

[chuckles] I'm glad I found you,
'cause I need a little help.

-Hmm?
-[clears throat]

-Zip me up, would you?
-Oh.

What the hell am I looking at?

What the hell am I looking at?

I'm zipping it up, not down, Bev.

You haven't zipped me up since the '60s.

You tell me to hook it
with a back scratcher.

We're leaving, Joe.
We'll talk about this when we get home.

I can't help it. It's these khakis.
Tight in all the right places.

Okay. I'm ready.

There's my girl.

Okay, you got this, babe, all right?

You get a little tipsy, talk things out,
and then it's adios, Alice.

Huh? It's gonna be great.
Especially that last part.

Okay, come on, Alice.
Put your game face on. We are walking.

Hustle. Hustle, hustle, hustle.

-Okay.
-Hustle, hustle.

Okay. All right. Hey.

Just have a real conversation with her.

Don't get your hopes up.
We don't have those.

That's the spirit. Off you go.

-Dad? We heard about Nana and Pop-Pop.
-Is everything okay?

Oh. Uh, listen,
I don't want you guys to worry

because your grandparents split up,
all right?

Your dad's right. There's a supervolcano
under Yellowstone

that's gonna make this
the least of your problems.

[laughing]

-There they are. How'd it go?
-[Andi] Hi.

Oh. It was so beautiful.

Oh, I thought this might work.

-Therapy's great, but liquor's quicker.
-[Andi chuckles]

For the first time,
we could just be ourselves.

-It's the most open we've ever been.
-Yeah.

I think I was so closed off before

because I had to be perfect
to convince myself that I was happy.

Oh, yeah. I don't need the details.

I was just looking for thumbs up,
thumbs down.

Ooh. And guess what.

Our Uber driver asked
my mom for her number.

-Ah.
-[chuckles]

He seemed like a gentleman.

-He always used his turn signal.
-Yeah.

Well, good for you.

And now that things are resolved
between you two,

you can go start your new life.

And where better to do that than not here?

She's not going anywhere.
We've just started to bond.

As far as I'm concerned,
she could stay here forever.

-[Alice] Oh!
-Forever?

How can she stay forever if she's leaving?
That doesn't make sense.

Oh. I'm just happy that my daughter
wants me around forever.

Aw. Thanks for making us talk, Adam.
You know, you did this.

Aw, you don't have to rub it in.

[all chuckling]

Listen, we need to talk about how long
your mom's gonna be staying with us,

because the answer to that
can't be "forever."

Sure, baby. Why don't you come chat
about it under the covers?

No, no. No, no, no, no. This is serious.

-Your mom is--
-Blah, blah, blah. Take your shirt off.

What? No. Honey, honey.
We have important things to discuss.

-But I'm feeling so good.
-[sighs]

I am not a machine.

Okay? You can't just turn me on.

[sighs] Okay, we'll talk tomorrow.

Ooh!

"Forever."
That was the exact word she used.

So, just get Andi to ask Alice to leave.

I tried that.
But she bewitched me with sex.

Wives will do that.
That's why I don't have a snowmobile.

Or a say in anything.

I don't know what to do.

My wife is happy,
but I'm living with my mother-in-law.

It's crazy. I got lonely Uber drivers
circling my house like it's the airport.

So, the question is, whose happiness
is more important, yours or Andi's?

Why did you ask it like that?
Are you wearing a wire?

I got the solution to this.

Does it involve a supervolcano?

No. But now I need a minute.

Mom, this week has been so fun.

We're so comfortable around
each other now, we can shop for bras.

Before this, I don't even think
I could say "bra" to you.

Hey, do you like this one?

Uh, that's too complicated to unhook.

I'm gonna be dating men
in the early stages of arthritis.

I want to make it easy on them.

Oh. [clears throat] Wow.
Maybe you should pick your own bra.

-This is what friends do.
-[both chuckle]

Oh, and I have to tell you,
I am loving this sexual freedom.

See, now, your dad,
he wanted his wife to be this bra.

-But I wanted to be this bra.
-Mm.

[chuckles] "I mean, come on,
let's try some stuff, Frank.

Pull my hair once in a while."

Okay. So, for my wife's happiness,

I am just going to accept the fact
that my mother-in-law lives with us.

I'm gonna be a better person.
I'm gonna be that guy.

That guy sleeps in the garage.

Eventually with the car running.

Don does paint a bleak picture.

But...

But nothing. I just thought
he did a nice job describing it.

My mom's gotta go.

Oh, thank God. I was trying to be a better
person, but it just doesn't feel like me.

What changed your mind?

Well, I'm glad that my mom and I
are more open,

but now it's too open.

If she leaves, maybe we can just
slow this whole thing down.

"If she leaves." I like where
you're going. What do you need from me?

Help me get rid of her, but without making
her feel like we're getting rid of her.

All right. Using underhanded means to get
what I want. Now, this feels like me.

[sighs] Okay, Mom.
Per your request, I made you a flirtini.

So, here's to your sexual awakening,
I guess.

Thanks, honey. That's very woke of you.

-I've been on the Internet.
-[chuckles]

[knock at door]

Hey. Thanks for coming.
You ready to do this?

It'll be easy.
I'll let the khakis do the talking.

Oh. Hi, Joe.

Ah, there she is.

The soft spring night can only be enhanced
by a beautiful woman.

Oh.

Alice, let's dance.

Since that night I zipped you,
I've been dying to dip you.

But, Joe, you're married to Bev.

And you used to be married to Frank.
We're halfway there.

[gasps]

I knew when I saw your Old Spice
on the counter, you were up to no good.

And you. You get your hands off my man.

It's not what it looks like.

It is if it looks like love.

Joe, come on, stop it.

No, Bev, Bev,
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I think it's my new bra.
It unleashed something.

Touch my husband again,
and I'll unleash something.

-Ma, easy. Ma. Easy.
-Get off me.

Mom, maybe you should head upstairs.
I don't know how long he can hold her.

Honey, I don't know
if upstairs is far enough.

-Where else could she go?
-I don't know.

No one in this family's safe
with her kind of raw sexuality around.

A cougar needs to hunt.

You know, maybe it is time for me to leave
and start my new life.

Well, only if it's right for you.

Well, maybe I could take a trip to Italy.

The land of olive oil and hairy men.

Tell your story walking.

And if I see you around here again,
I'll give you a smoky eye

without the makeup.

Mom.

-You were terrifying. Great performance.
-What are you talking about?

What? Why don't you know
what I'm talking about?

Bev, there you are.
I've been looking all over for you.

I didn't get to tell her about the plan.

What plan?

Dad was just faking it
to get Alice to leave.

[gasps] Oh!

I'm sorry, Joe.

I wish I'd known.
I wouldn't have held back.

That was holding back?

Yeah. My mom can beat up your mom.

-Bye, Mom.
-Bye, Alice. Close the door.

-Have fun in Italy.
-Close the door!

Honey, do you understand
what just happened?

Yeah. You closed the door
so your mom can't get back in.

No-- No.

Our whole relationship has changed.
I can finally be myself around her.

Of course, I'll have to get used to her
being herself around me,

but it's a big step forward.

And it's all thanks to you.

Aw, well, I'm happy for you.

[chuckles]

Hey. You know how we should celebrate?

Do-Do that thing
where you unbutton my buttons.

[whistles]

[chuckles]

Honey, it's been a crazy week.
Let's just watch TV.

I miss your mom.